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Junior Taskmaster Season 1 Episode 7

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Transcript
00:00Right let's go
00:11Can you take this to my head?
00:15Cool plus cool
00:20That was quite pathetic, don't you think?
00:30Hello and welcome to Junior Taskmaster
00:36My name is Rose Matafeo and I'm the Junior Taskmaster
00:39That means I'm officially young and I will stay young forever
00:42I can legally never age, it's in my contract
00:44Got it? Yeah? Great
00:46Now, over the series we've seen 25 children maneuver their way through an enormous amount of tasks
00:51There have been some highs, there have been some lows
00:53But now there's only one thing on their minds
00:55And that is being able to take home this resplendent wonder
00:59The Junior Taskmaster Trophy
01:01And you know what? I'll even throw in a Tesco bag so you can carry it home on the bus
01:06As always, tonight's winner will take home the prize tasks
01:08And they'll win a place in the grand final
01:11But that is not all
01:12The person who comes second tonight also goes through
01:15And there is one last final spot available for the third place contestant
01:20Who wins the most points across both semis
01:23Got it? Good
01:24Right, then let's meet our semi-finalists
01:26Please welcome Gwen
01:29Jamie
01:31Kyra
01:32Jenea
01:33And Zach
01:35Wow
01:37Wonderful
01:39And finally, my assistant
01:42He's a man who bought a novelty mustache from Poundland, super glued it on and can't figure out how to take it off
01:47It's Mike Osmond
01:49Thank you, Rose
01:53Ultimately, really, this is a show about the dangers of industrial espionage
01:59Are you carrying the GPS coordinates for the precise location of the gap in the market?
02:04Then check no-one's peeping over your shoulder trying to get a naughty peak
02:08Remember, don't get your biz-swizzed by the wrong sort of squiz
02:12I wish there was a GPS that could tell me what your brain is doing as well
02:18This is a beautiful mind
02:20Right, why don't you be a good assistant to me, Mike
02:22And reveal to me what tonight's prize task is
02:25You betcha
02:26Prize task time
02:27And for semi-final number two, the category is the most magnificent metallic item
02:31What exactly constitutes the most magnificent metallic item is subjective, of course
02:36I have a tin foil hat secreted under my wig that repels mind weapons
02:40I find that magnificent Rose collects used spears
02:44Mmm, yeah
02:45A lot of people get confused when I say you can stay in the spear room
02:49In my house
02:52Rose will give five points to the most magnificent metallic item
02:55And at the end of the episode the overall winner will have five magnificent metallic items to take home with them
02:59Okay, Gwen, it is so lovely to see you back here
03:02What is your most magnificent metallic thing you brought in?
03:05So the most magnificent metallic thing ever is a gong
03:09Oh!
03:10There it is
03:11A gong, okay, please tell me more
03:13So first I was thinking like symbols
03:15But then I realised that a gong is way bigger, way louder
03:19Which means it's way more magnificent
03:22So it'd be good for stress, wouldn't it, hitting that gong?
03:25Yeah, yeah
03:26Fantastic, double duty
03:27It's better than a therapist
03:28You can't hit a therapist
03:32Children today
03:34Now, Jamie, what have you brought tonight, which is your most magnificent metallic item?
03:38A spork
03:39A spork
03:40What?
03:41What?
03:42Okay, what is a spork?
03:45So, a spork
03:46Yeah
03:47Spoon, fork
03:48Spork
03:49And that's how they make them at the factory?
03:52Just smash them together?
03:53Might be
03:54Might be
03:55So that's why it's so magnificent, the spork
03:58Yeah
03:59You can use it for all three meals of the day
04:01Okay
04:02You've got breakfast
04:03Yeah
04:04So you're having cereal
04:05Yeah
04:06You can scoop up the milk and get the cereal
04:08Mm-hmm
04:09Oh, amazing, yeah
04:10That's what I've always wanted, a leaky spoon
04:12LAUGHTER
04:13But then again, I might want a different breakfast food stuff, right?
04:17So I'd need the fork element, right?
04:19So if you say one waffles or pancakes with ice cream
04:23Yes
04:24Two in one
04:25There is nothing more magnificent than something that can do the job of two things slightly less good
04:31Uh, uh, Kyra
04:34Hiya
04:35Hi
04:36What's up?
04:37How you doing?
04:38Good
04:39I want to know what you've brought in for your prize task
04:40The Kelpies
04:42Whatever is the Kel-
04:43Oh, okay
04:44Yeah
04:45The Kelpies are a Scottish tourist attraction
04:48Mm-hmm
04:49It's that big and magnificent that I couldn't bring it with me
04:51Don't they have special powers, Kelpies?
04:53Well, they're water creatures but they can appear on land as a horse
04:57And they have up to ten times more strength than a horse does
05:01Okay, I'm going to throw a spork in the works
05:03Uh
05:04Is this a magnificent metallic, or is it the representation of a magnificent metallic thing?
05:10I mean, I guess that frame, is that metal as well?
05:12Yeah
05:13Okay
05:14That is a girl clutching for points
05:17Yeah, yeah, it's metallic as well
05:19I'm actually Scottish, you know
05:21I'm quarter Scottish
05:22Scottish is the best place in the world
05:24Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it?
05:25It is
05:26As
05:29It is
05:30It is
05:31The most assertive tourism board advert of all time
05:33Yeah
05:37Shania, what is your most magnificent metallic item you brought for us today?
05:41Well, I have brought money
05:45What makes this pile of money magnificent?
05:47So, this money is magnificent, because you can buy anything with it
05:52Yes
05:53You can buy a yacht
05:55Sorry
05:56I can buy a yacht with that pile of parking
06:00Well you can buy anything with money except abstract nouns
06:04Yes
06:05So you can't like buy like melancholy
06:07No
06:08You can't buy happiness
06:09Yeah
06:10You can't buy happiness
06:11You can't buy ennui
06:12You can buy, you can buy a small yacht
06:14Yeah
06:15It's in the eye of the beholder
06:16It's in the eye of the beholder
06:17Whether or not money is as magnificent as a spork
06:21So I'll think about that
06:22But thank you very much for that Shania
06:24Thank you
06:25And last but not least
06:26Zach, hello
06:27Hi
06:28What's up dude?
06:29You have brought in something for us today
06:31Yes, what have you brought?
06:32Well, I've been making some modern art recently
06:34Ah
06:35Okay
06:36Okay
06:37Tell me more about this
06:39Okay, so my mum's always taking me into these crazy art galleries
06:43There's all these weird paintings of like
06:45Some guy who hasn't combed his hair in a week or someone with stinky armpits for example
06:49Right
06:50Right
06:51Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:52So I made a modern art of my own
06:53Okay
06:54As you can clearly see there's lots of babies on it, right?
06:55Yep
06:56And if you have younger siblings or no babies
06:58You know they're always fighting with each other over toys
07:01Uh-huh, yeah
07:02So they're harmonising to one main goal that is to climb to the top
07:06That's why I think it's magnificent
07:08And if you use your eyes you can see that it's metallic
07:13I just, I just got middle-splained
07:15Yeah, yeah
07:16By a child
07:17It's, it's shocking, it's provocative
07:20It's modern
07:21It's beautiful
07:22So, I am going to give
07:26Oh, look, honestly money don't mean everything to me
07:29So Shania, it's gonna be one point for you
07:31I've already got a yacht
07:33Uh
07:34Awesome
07:35Two points to Kyra
07:37Uh, Zach, I mean it was creative
07:39I'm slightly freaked out by it
07:41But I think it deserves three points
07:43I think I'm giving four points to a spork
07:45Uh, well done
07:47But five points goes to Gwyn for her gone
07:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:51Well done
07:52Thank you, lovely
07:54Mike, my little chickadee
07:57What have you got for me?
07:59Sleuthing is the name of the game for this task
08:01But who will be Miss Marble
08:03Who will simply be a Miss?
08:05LAUGHTER
08:06MUSIC
08:07MUSIC
08:08MUSIC
08:18Hello, Gwen
08:20Hello
08:21Hello
08:22Oh
08:23Hello, Shania
08:24Hello
08:25Jamie
08:26Hello
08:29Hello
08:30Hello, Zach
08:31Who's this?
08:32Who's this?
08:33Shh
08:34What's up, Kyra?
08:35I'm concerned
08:37Why is there a sleeping man sitting on a chair with a bag next to him?
08:43Good question
08:45Yes
08:52Work out the following information about the sleeping person without waking them up
08:57One
08:58Their name
08:59Two
09:00Aged
09:01Three
09:02Their job
09:03Four
09:04Nationality
09:05Five
09:06Most recent meal
09:07You have five minutes, your time starts now
09:10OK
09:11APPLAUSE
09:12Ooh
09:13OK
09:14Wow
09:15APPLAUSE
09:16Some very, very different entries into that room
09:19Um, Zach just coming straight in
09:21Who's this?
09:22Yeah
09:23It's like a sort of resuscitation move
09:24Yeah, yeah
09:25I think Kyra did what I would probably do
09:27Which is immediately go
09:28I'm concerned
09:30LAUGHTER
09:31Uh, what exactly concerned you about the whole situation, Kyra?
09:35He brought a sleeping man
09:37LAUGHTER
09:38Did you just find him on the streets or something?
09:40Yeah
09:41I don't
09:42I don't reveal my sources
09:43LAUGHTER
09:44What did you think when you first walked into that room?
09:47What was going through your minds?
09:48I was concerned as well
09:50Yeah
09:51He was snoring unhelpfully loud
09:53LAUGHTER
09:54Do you snore, Mike?
09:56I have received criticism in the past
09:59LAUGHTER
10:01Er, who's next, please?
10:03Up next, it's Kyra, Shania and Gwen
10:05OK
10:06Where did you get this man from?
10:12Yipi
10:15And his nationality is...
10:17He's from Wales
10:19Look, he's got Wales on his socks
10:21And a little Welsh tattoo
10:23They're Welsh
10:24Most recent meal was a sausage roll
10:30Some sort of bake
10:33Some kind of parsley
10:39That smells...
10:40Not very nice
10:41His job is a chef
10:42What are you basing that on?
10:44There's a football
10:48Right
10:49There's...
10:50Er...
10:51I think this is what referees were
10:55Right
10:56So you could be a referee
10:57Right
10:58Yeah
10:59He'd go up right here
11:01Right
11:02Does that help?
11:03Yeah
11:04So he's old
11:05You pickpocketing, Gwen?
11:08Have you done them before?
11:10My mum's
11:11Yeah?
11:12What did you filter out of your mum's pocket?
11:15Just a £5 note
11:16I gave it back
11:17Did you? Why?
11:18Yeah
11:19Because I felt guilty
11:20I don't feel guilty this time
11:25So his name is Ian
11:26And he was born on the 8th of December 1958
11:31Ian Jenkins
11:32Is it?
11:331958
11:34So he's 65 years old
11:35Is he?
11:37His name is either William or John
11:40What are you basing that on?
11:43I don't know
11:54John
11:56He's 61
11:58He's 61
11:59He's 61?
12:00Yes
12:01How do you work out that he was 61?
12:03I know people in the world
12:04Right
12:07Don't wake him up with your whistle
12:12Bye-bye
12:16Have you done any detective work before, Gwen?
12:18This is my first time
12:19Okay
12:20It feels...
12:22Powerful
12:24You are still in possession
12:26Of this man's wallet
12:31Please don't get paid very well
12:33Oh, right, okay
12:35Thanks Gwen
12:36Thank you
12:37Bye
12:38Bye-bye
12:39Please don't get paid very well
12:52You crooked cop, you
12:54Gwen
12:55I can't believe it
12:56What did you do with that money?
12:58I still have that 25 quid
13:00I'll give it to you
13:01Five points
13:02You're mic'd, Gwen
13:03Everyone can hear you
13:05Seriously, yeah, okay, fine
13:06We'll see you later
13:07In terms of the sting, you've wired yourself
13:09Now, what's helpful getting that wallet?
13:13Because there was some information in there
13:14There was some information sort of lying out in the open there
13:17The pasty in the hand
13:18Yes
13:19Jenea
13:20I just guessed
13:21Wait, you looked at it and you were like, there's a pasty
13:22Yeah
13:23Have you ever had a pasty before?
13:24I don't like them
13:25Oh, okay
13:26You don't like them? I'm not a fan
13:27No, I don't really like pasty
13:28Kyra, I think you might be genuinely nearly telepathic
13:31Because you were just like guessing some stuff
13:34And like getting so, so close
13:36You were like, that guy's 61
13:38Very good guessing
13:39I did terrible
13:40No, you didn't
13:41You didn't
13:42No, you didn't Kyra
13:43I literally looked at that guy and you were like, his name's pretty William or John
13:46That's what I think about every man I look at, right?
13:50See, see what I thought
13:51I thought he just came home for his job
13:53Sat down, had a sausage roll
13:55And he fell asleep
13:57God, story of my life
14:02Look, I'm very excited to see how all of you got on there
14:04But it is time for a break
14:06And you know what that means?
14:07It means it's time for a break
14:08See you soon
14:13Hello, welcome back
14:14What did you get up to in the break?
14:15Me and Mike actually held the kids by their ankles and shook them upside down until coins fell out
14:28I have no regrets
14:30So, I'd love to see our next set of Sherlock's, my dear, was on
14:35That was quite good actually
14:36Lovely
14:37Time now, in that case, for Jamie and Zach
14:39Okay
14:42Right
14:44Is it warm?
14:50It's, um, birthday party invitation
14:54Uh, please come to my wife's surprise 60th fancy dress birthday party
14:58Dress as something beginning with C, love, Ian
15:01So I have a feeling he's giving these out
15:04I think his name is Lanix
15:06Is Lanix
15:07Is Lanix?
15:08Yes, it's not Lanix
15:09Lanix
15:10Lanix
15:11Hold on
15:13Oh, this might help
15:15Oh, this might help
15:21Oh, wait, he's a referee, I think
15:23Is there a red?
15:25He's a referee
15:27Okay, his nationality is Welsh
15:30Because of his, like, tattoo
15:32Who?
15:33I see
15:34They're Scottish
15:35Pardon?
15:36They're Scottish
15:37There's a Scotland flag in here
15:40No, it's Wales
15:43Wales
15:45His most recent meal
15:47That looks like a Craig's meat pie
15:51Last meal
15:53It smells like a sausage bake or something
15:56I'm gonna guess
15:57Just an estimate
15:58That's
15:59He is 64 years old
16:01Nah
16:02What are you basing that on?
16:03I was like, it's perhaps the same age as my nan
16:05Same frinkle
16:06Same hair colour
16:10Wallet
16:11Oh, oh, oh
16:12Have you just picked his pocket?
16:13Yep
16:14Ian
16:161958
16:17Quick maths
16:1856
16:1970
16:20He's 72
16:21Can I keep his money?
16:22Can I keep his money?
16:23Why would you keep his money?
16:24Because I want it
16:25Cheers
16:26Bye
16:27Poor, poor, poor Ian
16:28He was gonna use that money
16:29To buy Carol a 60th birthday present, wasn't he?
16:30Jamie
16:31Jamie
16:32Do you thought you deserved it?
16:33Yeah, I deserve it more than him
16:34Your reasoning was bulletproof
16:35You were like, can I take this?
16:36Why?
16:37Because I want it
16:38No
16:39No
16:40No
16:41No
16:42No
16:43No
16:44No
16:45No
16:46No
16:47No
16:48No
16:49No
16:50No
16:51No
16:52No
16:53No
16:54No
16:55No
16:56No
16:57No
16:58No
16:59No
17:00No
17:02He's a quick decision-maker
17:03And you did
17:04You got to the age of 72
17:05Using quick maths
17:06So I mean, I think
17:07I think that means we give a shout out to slow maths
17:09Wow
17:11Zach
17:12Let's talk about Lanx
17:14Um
17:15I've gotta say
17:16I've met a few Lanxs in my raving days
17:18Uh
17:19I mean you're a truly original thinker
17:21Who puts an X at the end of their name?
17:23An affectionate person
17:24Zach
17:26It's a kid
17:27No, I honestly, I love them
17:29No, honestly, I loved watching that task. It was very, very fun.
17:31I would love to know who got the closest to solving the mystery
17:35of the sleeping man, Mike?
17:36OK, you'd like some answers? Well, his name was Ian Jenkins.
17:39Quite a few of you got that. His age was 65 years old, as we know.
17:42His job was a referee.
17:43The fancy dress invitation addresses something beginning with C,
17:46cos it's Carol's birthday, so he was just as a chef for the party.
17:50His nationality was Welsh, as you spotted,
17:52and his most recent meal was a Cornish pasty.
17:54So, out of that, Shania got four correct answers.
17:57Jamie and Gwen got three correct answers,
17:59Zach got two, and Kyra got one.
18:01OK, so I think Kyra, one point.
18:04Admirable effort.
18:05Zach, going to give two points there.
18:06Gwen and Jamie, joint second with four points,
18:09but the full five points has to go to Shania.
18:11Well done.
18:14I'm going back, Kyra!
18:16Shall we see how that all affects the scoreboard?
18:19OK, OK, here we go.
18:19It's still all very much to play for.
18:22We've got Kyra with three,
18:24and at the top end, very close indeed to each other,
18:26Jamie with eight, and Gwen with nine.
18:27Oh, Kyra, oh, OK.
18:30Oh, very, very close.
18:33All right, Mike, my sweet cherub, what is up next?
18:36The stallion.
18:37The elephant, the sea lion.
18:39All animals, which at one time or another,
18:41have been brought to heel and wrangled by mankind,
18:44but how will our contestants fare with the mighty caterpillar?
18:47Oh, thank you.
19:01Hello.
19:02Hello, Zach.
19:03Hello.
19:03Hello, Gwen.
19:04Hello, Kyra.
19:05Hello.
19:05Shania.
19:07Jamie.
19:08Mike.
19:09Toast?
19:11Oh.
19:12Fancy doing a task?
19:13Oh, hell yeah.
19:16Move the caterpillar safely from the living room table
19:19to the leaf on the caravan table.
19:21You may only use two items to capture and move the caterpillar.
19:25And you must not touch the caterpillar with your hands.
19:28You have until the toaster has popped to choose your two items.
19:31Only then may you capture the caterpillar.
19:33And the caterpillar must be safely moved before the microwave pings.
19:37The person who successfully moves the caterpillar
19:40and looks after it the best wins.
19:42Your time starts now.
19:44OK.
19:46Oh, I get what I get, what I get.
19:49OK, right, so, let's get a pop.
19:56Oh, wait, Danny gets it the nose.
19:58You need to get it before that pops up.
19:59Oh, God.
20:00Oh, God.
20:06Has anyone moved a caterpillar before any type of insect?
20:10Oh, yeah, yeah.
20:10Jamie, have you moved a insect?
20:12Uh, well, it's not a pop of insect
20:14because I'm too scared to touch them.
20:15Mm-hmm.
20:16Um, I moved a toy spider.
20:18Oh, OK.
20:20Put it in my cupboard.
20:21Fantastic.
20:22Yeah.
20:22Kyra, what's your favourite insect?
20:24Well, it's because I can put them in my sister's pillows.
20:28Yes.
20:28Are you...
20:29Are you...
20:29LAUGHTER
20:30I've got two of the most annoying little sisters in the world.
20:36Oh, come on, Kyra, let me be watching this.
20:39I don't care.
20:40LAUGHTER
20:41I do want to see who is up first.
20:45OK, well, first up, it's Kyra, Shania and Zach.
20:48OK.
20:48All right.
20:51I've got my two items.
20:52Are you completely happy, are you?
20:54Yep, I've got a pot and some leaves.
20:56OK.
20:57You've got your two items?
20:58Yes, I brush and shovel.
21:00I put the leaves in the pot.
21:01Yeah.
21:02And the caterpillar comes into the pot.
21:03I can put that there, and then I just got like that.
21:06Caterpillar's on there, and then I can bring it and put it on that.
21:09I'm thinking some sort of container.
21:11What kind of container?
21:12Box.
21:13I'll take this lid.
21:15A lid.
21:15A lid and a box.
21:18Oh, the toast.
21:20That's good.
21:21Can I go in the 11 room now?
21:22Oh, one moment, please.
21:24All right.
21:24Come on, then.
21:26I thought it was going to be a real one.
21:37Is that a real one?
21:38No.
21:39I don't expect that.
21:41Oh, hello, Mr. Caterpillar.
21:44What's the strategy?
21:46I don't have one anymore.
21:48What was it going to be?
21:49Just get it and shovel it on.
21:51That's jelly, and it'll break.
21:54Oh.
21:56I think I was cut it in half, but I'm sorry, Caterpillar.
22:03What's happening?
22:05You're sort of smushing it sort of straight in the face, is it?
22:08Oh, I could kill that.
22:14Oh, no, it's bottom half.
22:17Well, I've got it in.
22:17So, you've given it a shake, are you, for good measure?
22:21Yeah.
22:22Right.
22:23Mustache man first.
22:24Oh, thank you.
22:26Maybe there's some kind of Caterpillar mould we can put it in, and it can regrow.
22:31Are you prone to wishful thinking?
22:33I don't make this, because I can't use my hands.
22:38Just tip it.
22:40Yeah.
22:41Maybe it'll just plop.
22:43And maybe I could just use the leaves and, like, rearrange the Caterpillar, maybe?
22:52Erm...
22:53Wow.
22:53I don't know.
22:55How do you think your Caterpillar's doing?
22:57Dead.
22:58Dead?
22:58Yes.
22:59Oh, still got some guts.
23:01Good grief.
23:02I just ruined the tax, didn't I?
23:20Why did you poke it?
23:21Because I...
23:21I...
23:22I...
23:22I...
23:22Get up.
23:25APPLAUSE
23:26That was so funny.
23:28Oh, well done.
23:30May I say?
23:31OK.
23:31He poked that first of all.
23:33And then she touched the nose and put it back on it.
23:36Yeah, but that's...
23:36Yeah, but that's not...
23:37We all saw that, Kyra, yeah?
23:40Janaya, you were very gentle with yours.
23:42Like, hello, come here.
23:44Come on, we're gonna get you on to this.
23:46But, heck, honestly, it's like you were trying to trap that Caterpillar, weren't you?
23:50Well, it's what I'm good at.
23:54You just...
23:55You just had fun just jiggling it up at one point.
23:57Yeah!
23:59Now, I am gagging to find out if any of these Caterpillars got delivered safely.
24:03So, who's next, Mike?
24:04Next up, it's Gwen and Jamie.
24:08Basically, get the Caterpillar, like, scrape it along into this,
24:12and then carry it along over here.
24:15Something has changed about you.
24:18Do you like my glass steak, like Gucci?
24:20I'm not actually touching it.
24:22The gloves are touching it.
24:23I once found a butterfly in my garden, and I got too attached to it.
24:27Emotionally?
24:28Yeah.
24:29What was the name of this butterfly?
24:31Bobby the Butterfly.
24:32I was in the pool, landed on my arm.
24:34Yeah.
24:35Hello.
24:36And then I just didn't want it to leave, and it died.
24:40It's a desperately sad story.
24:42Should we do this for Bobby, then?
24:43Yeah.
24:43OK.
24:45OK.
24:46Oh!
24:47Caterpillar, I'm coming!
24:54Great.
24:58Oh, no.
24:59Is that good or bad?
25:01Bad.
25:02It's a slippery little sucker.
25:04Yeah?
25:05Woo!
25:06OK.
25:06It didn't say it had to be in one piece.
25:08Right.
25:10Oh, well.
25:11Oh, my God.
25:14This isn't going good.
25:15No?
25:16OK.
25:17Let's go.
25:18OK.
25:19Uh-huh.
25:20You've rather lost the spring in your step on the way back.
25:23There's not a death march or anything like that, is it?
25:29Bad.
25:30Um, that was just its hair.
25:32Yeah, that was its hair as well.
25:33Its hair.
25:37Dinner's served.
25:38Is that it?
25:39I guess.
25:43OK.
25:44Get out of here, little one.
25:51It's Caterpillar.
25:52I'd say that was just something at the time, wouldn't you?
25:56Caterpillar, would you like some toast?
26:01Ooh.
26:02One piping hot bag of Ratatouille.
26:05I'll let you eat on your own.
26:06Do you want to share?
26:08No.
26:08See ya.
26:18You, uh, you enjoy that Ratatouille there, Mike?
26:21Delicious.
26:22Yeah, quite sweet.
26:23Don't go to his house for dinner.
26:24Everything's in bags.
26:25It's disgusting.
26:27You're a crazy spaceman.
26:28A bag of lasagna tonight, if you fancy popcorn.
26:29No, no.
26:30No, thank you.
26:31Um, I want to roll back to the beautiful story of Jamie getting attached to a, uh, Bobby the butterfly.
26:37That was beautiful.
26:38It brought a tear to my eye.
26:39Yeah.
26:39How do you think Bobby would have felt about that?
26:41Mm-hmm.
26:42You ain't be fussed.
26:45Gwen, what would you have done different?
26:47I would have transported it to a wheelbarrow.
26:50A wheelbarrow?
26:51Yeah.
26:52How would you have got the wheelbarrow in the caravan?
26:58Jamie?
26:58Well, I wouldn't have got a dustpan and brush.
27:01So you would have got a different tool.
27:02That's what you would have done differently?
27:02Yeah, probably.
27:03Right.
27:04A plate and a spork.
27:06Oh!
27:08The spork comes out of play!
27:11Oh, my God.
27:12Nice, nice, nice.
27:14All right, well, look, I think it's going to hurt my eyes, uh, to see it, but I think I need to see all of the caterpillars one more time, okay?
27:20Okay, uh, but, uh, gird your loins.
27:22Okay.
27:24All right.
27:24Here we are.
27:26Okay.
27:27Gwen, I'm sorry.
27:28That is not a caterpillar anymore.
27:31I think, Sinead, you kind of Frankensteined your together a bit.
27:34So it looks rather impressive, actually, from a bird's eye view.
27:36Oh, she touched the nose.
27:37Uh.
27:38No, no, no, no, I didn't have it.
27:40Yeah, she did.
27:41So, I think my markings have to be, Zach, you touch that caterpillar and you're all like, yeah, I kind of lost that task.
27:47Uh, so I'm going to have to give you zero points for the disqualification.
27:50Yay!
27:50But, yes, you take it like a champ.
27:52All right.
27:53Uh, Gwen, I mean, that is a hot mess.
27:55That's going to give you two points.
27:56Jamie, three points there.
27:58Uh, but between Kyra and Shania, to your point, touching the nose, I think she didn't touch the jelly.
28:03So I'm going to be lenient here.
28:05But I am going to give the full five points to Kyra because I thought that was brilliant.
28:10Well done.
28:12Well done.
28:12Well done.
28:14Well, this feels like the right time to have a commercial break, so let's do it.
28:17APPLAUSE
28:18Hello, welcome back.
28:30Hey, waiter, I think I'll have another task.
28:32Neat.
28:32Are you sure?
28:34I think you've had enough.
28:35Yeah, I'll tell you when I've had enough.
28:37You don't know me.
28:40You're not the task, please.
28:41What is next?
28:43Tummy is the most valuable commodity we have, apart from gold, potash and miscellaneous.
28:48Yes, but given time, will our contestants waste it or make it worth their while?
28:53Tummy is the most valuable.
29:23Might have a snack.
29:24Yeah.
29:25What are you doing?
29:26Thai shopping?
29:28Well, probably Thai repair, that kind of thing.
29:32Gwen?
29:33Mm-hmm?
29:34What would be the perfect weekend?
29:36Probably a trip to America or something where I can go to a big theme park with a lot of roller coasters.
29:41I like the way they kind of flip me upside down and I've got no control whatsoever from what's happening,
29:46but I still feel safe.
29:48OK.
29:49May I open the task?
29:50Certainly.
29:53Pass the time in the most productive way.
29:57The person who passes the time in the most productive way runs.
30:01You have one minute to plan.
30:03And five minutes to be productive.
30:06The time starts now.
30:08OK.
30:10What does that mean?
30:11It means doing a lot or achieving a lot.
30:16Achieving stuff?
30:18Yeah.
30:18Oh, gosh.
30:26Jamie, you just assumed that Mike's past time is Thai shopping.
30:29Is that true?
30:30These are handmade for me by someone who loves me.
30:32Ah, well, laddie-freaking-da, Mike.
30:36We don't have all loved ones who make knitted ties for them.
30:39Ah, Kaira, you seemed pretty confused when it came to being like, what is being productive?
30:45Yeah, right.
30:46So, so, so, if I don't do something right, don't blame me.
30:51Blame the person sitting next to you because I have no clue what it meant.
30:54Wow.
30:55He told me it was achieving a lot.
30:57Oh, my gosh.
30:58These children are so defensive, man.
31:00What have we done to them?
31:03Look, I would love to be productive right now and see how they all got on, Mike.
31:08OK, well, it's time for Gwen and Kaira.
31:12Wait, do we have bread, butter and cheese?
31:14In the Junior Taskmaster house?
31:16Yeah.
31:17Oh, probably.
31:20I mean, I could get a piece of paper,
31:22write an award for something
31:24and you give it to me because I'm fabulous.
31:27What would the award be for?
31:29Your favourite Junior Taskmaster competitor.
31:33I think there's a clock in here somewhere.
31:36What are you thinking?
31:37I want to pass the time to someone, like, pass the clock,
31:40which has the time on it.
31:43And be productive.
31:47OK.
31:50Do you mind standing there, please, Mike?
31:52Yeah, sure.
31:53Can you hold this for me?
31:55Yeah.
31:55And then can you pass it back to me, please?
31:57Yeah.
31:59Certificate C.
32:01Can I need help with spelling?
32:03A-R.
32:05Now, can you hold this for me, please?
32:08Does Rose like the crusts?
32:09Yeah, absolutely.
32:11Keeps you regular, doesn't it?
32:16There you go.
32:23Oh, sorry.
32:25It's a bit buttery, that clock.
32:31Oh, yes.
32:3439 seconds.
32:3539 seconds.
32:36Yeah.
32:37These are the crisps going in the sandwich.
32:38No, outside the sandwich.
32:40So it's a presentation.
32:41Yeah, but also crisps are a delicacy.
32:49Thanks, Gwen.
32:50Bye-bye.
32:51Bye.
32:52I'll just come up to you and shake your hand, OK?
32:55Hello, Mike.
32:56You're my favourite.
32:57Hello, Cara.
32:58You're my favourite.
32:59This presentation was not conducted under duress or threat of violence.
33:12Wow, wow, wow.
33:13I've never heard of someone giving themselves a certificate before.
33:16I've got to say, that was giving me big Trump vibes, that whole thing.
33:20Yeah-ha!
33:21It might not be true that I said he's my favourite, necessarily.
33:25Right.
33:25But, you see, I'm his favourite.
33:28I feel betrayed.
33:30Yeah, Mike, I thought we were friends!
33:32Come on, Mike.
33:33Well, look, everyone's clearly got a different interpretation of what is productive.
33:38Gwen, you're very literal with this, with the passing of time, right?
33:42I was the only one who really passed time.
33:44I actually passed time.
33:46OK, the others were experiencing time at a usual rate.
33:49I mean, I loved it.
33:50But I will say, Mike, you do well to not talk about the regularity of my bowels on television.
33:56OK?
33:56Thank you very much.
33:57Keep that private.
33:59I also love the quote, crisps are a delicacy.
34:02They are!
34:03That is valid.
34:04Crisps are a delicacy.
34:06I enjoyed watching those tasks, and then they both did pretty well.
34:10I'm ready for another, though, Mike.
34:11OK.
34:11Well, here's Shania and Zach.
34:13Mm-hmm.
34:14OK.
34:17I have my productive items.
34:19OK.
34:20What to play!
34:24...to play.
34:38Hmm.
34:41They're being productive, so I'm going to clean all this for you.
34:43OK, thank you. You're very welcome.
34:46This looks a bit dusty.
34:54LAUGHTER
35:02That is...
35:04You've got a minute and a half left to be productive.
35:07A minute? OK, right.
35:09One minute and four seconds left.
35:14You've cleaned the room. Is there anything else you'd like to do?
35:16Tax returns.
35:17I beg your pardon?
35:18Do you do your taxes on the phone?
35:20You're going to do your tax return?
35:22No, I'm doing your tax return.
35:23My tax return?
35:24Yeah.
35:25I don't know how these things work, but OK.
35:28Hello?
35:29Uh-huh.
35:30£79,63, £128,159.53.
35:36Bye.
35:48Thank you, Zach.
35:49OK.
35:50It's all done.
35:51It's all done.
35:52It's all done.
35:53I did it all for you.
35:54So I don't even need to pay any tax or anything?
35:55Right.
35:56Great.
35:57Bye.
35:58Thank you, Shania.
35:59I love you both.
36:00I love you both.
36:01I think you're both very deeply talented, but I have never seen a more stark representation
36:14of the prison of gendered social norms in which we live than that VT.
36:21So I'm going to start with Shania.
36:23I mean, Shania, you're out here doing a tax return, girl.
36:28What made you even think of doing a tax return?
36:31Oh, well, so a few days ago, I was at the park and I had some two old ladies going,
36:36Oh, Janet, I need to do my tax return.
36:39So then I kept that in my head for a few days and, um, I thought...
36:44Look, Shania, I know you saw me in the park, all right?
36:47And I think it was actually a private conversation you were overhearing with me in my drink today.
36:52Look, Zach, I'm going to give you a chance.
36:55How would you say that was productive?
36:56Well, I was playing scary games and I bet you could not do that.
37:00Okay.
37:01I bet you could not face your fears of scary haunted animatronics.
37:05I mean, that is true, but I failed to see that that is productive.
37:09Thing is, I'm a gamer, so progress is very important to me.
37:13So any chance I get to just, like, get that save percentage up a tiny bit, I will easily take.
37:19Gosh. Oh, gosh. I had two older brothers. I've heard this speech a million times.
37:23LAUGHTER
37:25All right. Here it comes. Rick time.
37:28APPLAUSE
37:40Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster, where everybody knows your name.
37:43What's next, Martin?
37:46Well, before the break, we saw some very different interpretations of productivity.
37:50Finally, here is Jamie.
37:52Hmm.
37:55All right.
37:56Tell me what you're thinking.
37:58Football.
37:59Yeah?
38:00Do you know how to play football?
38:01Yeah, sort of.
38:04You're going to get destroyed at this.
38:06I play football all the time.
38:08I feel I should warn you, the last time I played football, I was probably your age,
38:11I did accidentally break a boy's leg.
38:13Don't worry, I've done that before.
38:14OK, fine.
38:15I want paper scissors to kick off.
38:17OK.
38:18I want paper scissors to kick off.
38:19OK.
38:20I want paper scissors to kick off.
38:21I get kick off.
38:22Five-minute game, two and a half minutes each way?
38:23Yep.
38:24WHISTLE BLOWS
38:25WHISTLE BLOWS
38:26Oh no.
38:27Oh no.
38:28Too easy.
38:29Oi!
38:30Ooh.
38:31Ooh!
38:32Oh!
38:33Oh!
38:34Oh!
38:35Oh.
38:38Oh!
38:38Oh!
38:39Oh!
38:40Oh!
38:41Oh!
38:42Oh!
38:43Oh!
38:44Oh!
38:45Oh!
38:46Oh!
38:47Better than this?
38:50Too easy.
38:53Swap hands.
39:14Better luck next time.
39:15Something like that.
39:17Yeah.
39:19I think I did quite well.
39:22Well, I'm going to leave you to breathe in.
39:25Thanks.
39:26Breathe out.
39:27Thanks.
39:28Probably going to get an ice bath or something.
39:30Sort of thing I normally do after a game of, er, footy.
39:36Oh, God.
39:38What the grief.
39:39Honestly, I have never watched a more thrilling game of football.
39:49You suck at football.
39:52You eviscerated him.
39:54Well...
39:55I mean, what?
39:56I think he was probably offside for...
39:59LAUGHTER
40:01What is productive about that football game?
40:04Well, it was active.
40:05Yeah.
40:06I mean, for Mike.
40:08LAUGHTER
40:10Fair enough.
40:11I guess that's what productivity is about.
40:13What was your goal in that game?
40:14Like...
40:16Probably just to embarrass him.
40:19Right.
40:20I think, well, then you may have been very successful.
40:23LAUGHTER
40:24You did all pass the time, but it's down to who was the most productive.
40:26So, it is time for me to give up some points.
40:28Yeah?
40:29OK.
40:30OK, Zach, it's one point for you.
40:32Um, Kyra, I'm going to give you two, because I didn't see the thing you were achieving.
40:37Uh, Gwen, I'm going to give you three points.
40:39Shania, I mean, doing a tax return, that totally deserves four points.
40:42But, honestly, I just love that football game so much.
40:45So, it goes five points to Jamie.
40:46OK.
40:47Well done, Gwen.
40:48Five points to Jamie.
40:49Four points.
40:51So good.
40:53All right, what has it done to the scores, Mike?
40:55Well, it has done this.
40:56It is still very tight.
40:57We've got Shania and Gwen tied on 14,
40:59and just ahead of them is Jamie on 16 points.
41:02Whoa!
41:04OK, my pedigree chums, make your way over to the stage
41:07for the final task of the show.
41:18Mike, who is reading out tonight's final task?
41:20It will be Shania, please.
41:24Throw a ball of wet loo roll at Mike's moustache.
41:27The person whose wet loo roll lands the furthest away from Mike's moustache
41:31in each round will be eliminated.
41:34There is a bonus point for the most direct hit.
41:37Does that make sense?
41:38OK.
41:39OK, we are going to begin with Jamie,
41:42as he has the largest number of points.
41:45I shall assume the position.
41:46There you go.
41:47First one up.
41:48Oh!
41:49Oh!
41:50Oh!
41:51Oh!
41:52Oh!
41:53Oh!
41:54Oh!
41:55Oh!
41:56Oh!
41:57Oh!
41:58Oh!
41:59Oh!
42:00Oh!
42:01Oh!
42:02Oh!
42:03Oh!
42:04Oh!
42:05Oh!
42:06Oh!
42:07Oh!
42:08Oh!
42:09Oh!
42:10Oh!
42:11Oh!
42:12Oh!
42:13Oh!
42:14Oh!
42:15Oh!
42:16Oh!
42:17Oh!
42:18Oh!
42:19Well, I'm good at throwing points.
42:20Oh!
42:21Oh, well done!
42:22Oh, well done!
42:23Oh!
42:24Oh!
42:25Oh, well done!
42:27The third away from Mike's massage was Kyra
42:37All right Jamie
42:51Okay, my drama
42:56Okay, okay, Jamie
43:16That is capable of accuracy
43:21There we go
43:23Two left in the game, all right, it's down to Jamie and Shania
43:32Olympic levels of silence
43:35I don't need this anymore, do I?
43:39Mate, I think you might have missed
43:41Last one
43:55Straight to business
43:59Right, this new contest, that's Janae's
44:01Yes
44:03Very good
44:05Please all of you come back down here and we'll see how that's affected the final scores
44:09Well done
44:19Wow, I mean Mike, please remind me about all of the aspects of that task and what they could have got points for
44:23Well, the first thing I can reveal is that the bonus point that was available for the closest to bullseying my moustache does go to Jamie
44:33Bonus point to Jamie
44:35And then in terms of elimination bench, time Cara came off first, so she got one point, Gwen got two, Zach three points, Jamie got four, plus his bonus point, five
44:45And the person who won that particular game gets five points, Shanae
44:49Well done, Shanae
44:53All right
44:54Okay, Mike, look, I want to call you John Michael, because it's time to serve up some final points
44:58Nice
44:59Rose, let me tell you, you don't get more mind-blowingly exhilarating than this
45:03Because both the runner-up and the winner will be going straight through to next week's final
45:08There is also one place available for whoever comes third with the most points across both semis
45:14But we won't find out who made the cut until the finale next week
45:17So, take a deep breath, fasten your seat belts and syringe your ears because here are the results
45:22In fifth place with nine points we have
45:24Zach, ladies and gentlemen
45:26In fourth place with 11 points it's Kyra
45:35Third place with 16 points is Gwen
45:39With 19 points in second place and therefore through to the final it is Shanae
45:46But that can only mean that tonight's winner is the outstanding Jamie
45:50Get up there and collect your most magnificent metallic items
45:59Wow, that is it for this week and next week will be the Junior Taskmaster grand finale
46:04Champions will clash, heroes will be forged, tasks will be mastered
46:08And Mike and I will probably go for a curry afterwards
46:11See you then but let's hear it