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Taskmaster Season 19 Episode 2

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Transcript
00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello! Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:37I'm Greg Davison, I suit things.
00:39I suit this throne.
00:40I suit this suit.
00:42I suit the title of Taskmaster
00:44and I suit the power it affords me.
00:47What can I say?
00:48I suit things.
00:49I suit boots.
00:50I suit fruits.
00:51I suit flutes.
00:52And once I was in cahoots with some mute-newts
00:54about a car boot in beaut.
00:57Proof, if it was needed,
00:59the writing of these introductions
01:01is becoming increasingly challenging.
01:03No matter.
01:04Let's take the focus off me
01:06and train the glaring, judgmental super trooper
01:09into the frightened eyes of some human bunnies.
01:12Please welcome...
01:13Fatia El Ghori!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Mattie Baker!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:25And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28Next to me,
01:30a man whose hobbies include bird spotting,
01:33writing songs
01:34and his absolute favourite,
01:35having extra marital affairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39He's a little at a time!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:42And the category this week is...
01:52The snootiest thing.
01:54Ooh!
01:55Ooh!
01:56There will be five points for the snootiest,
01:57one point for the least snooty,
01:59and the episode winner will go home
02:00with some really juicy snooty booty.
02:01Greg, honey, take it away!
02:03Stevie, have you got some snooty booty?
02:06Yes.
02:07There are, like, canvases you can get made of your pet,
02:11and I got one made of my pet.
02:15Here is a picture of Stevie's pet.
02:17It's on my wall in my kitchen.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21And I don't think they've done a tortoise before,
02:28so, like, the neck is very bent at a weird angle.
02:31Yes!
02:32And where's the shell?
02:33How did they get her in the uniform?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:36They're so...
02:37Americans are so naive, aren't they?
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41And is that her actual rank?
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44OK, cool!
02:48OK.
02:49Fatty, you all right?
02:50Yeah, I'm all right.
02:51How are you?
02:52Pretty good.
02:53What have you brought in?
02:54My snooty prize is...
02:55Yeah.
02:56..Swiss chocolate.
02:57Here is the bar of Swiss chocolate she's put up.
02:59The snootiest of all are chocolate.
03:01Yeah.
03:02Ooh!
03:03Yeah, exactly.
03:04See how snooty...
03:05Look at that.
03:06Yeah.
03:07If you look at the chocolate adverts,
03:08the Swiss ones are so extra,
03:10they've got a little chef and a little heart,
03:12and he's like, ho, ho, ho, ho.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15The old French Swiss chef.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18And he's all doing that,
03:20and they're like,
03:21and there's all this music,
03:23and they live in a...
03:24They've got a nice kitchen.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27They do.
03:28They do.
03:29It's ridiculous.
03:30So you bought a bar of chocolate in, yep?
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32Jason, what's snooty in America?
03:34Here's the thing,
03:35this was actually very hard for me,
03:37because in America, snootiness is not a really thing,
03:40so I kind of was at a bit of a loss
03:43to come up with a snooty thing,
03:45but I had a good idea.
03:47I asked my butler what he thought.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50Jeffries, get out of here.
03:51Oh, nice.
03:52Let's go!
03:53Let's go!
03:54Let's go!
03:57As my butler, Mr. Jeffries,
03:59asked him what was snooty,
04:00because he's British,
04:01and he had a great idea.
04:02Show him what you got under there.
04:03Open it up. Come on.
04:04Yes!
04:05Butler for a day.
04:06So, if you win this prize,
04:08he'll come and he'll buddle for you for the whole day.
04:11Wow.
04:12That is one snooty prize.
04:13Right?
04:14Well, a round of applause for Mr. Jeffries.
04:15Well done, Mr. Jeffries.
04:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:20I have brought in the Oppidons cap
04:24from the wall game at Eton College.
04:27There it is.
04:28Oh, my God, that's so snooty,
04:30I don't even understand it.
04:32What is it?
04:33The wall game is only played one day of the year,
04:37St. Andrew's Day,
04:38and it's only played at Eton College,
04:41the snootiest of all the schools.
04:43Did you go there?
04:44No.
04:45How did you get a cap?
04:46It...
04:47I acquired it from a friend.
04:49Is your friend Tom Hiddleston,
04:51Hugh Fernley Wishing Stool,
04:53Bear Grylls,
04:54or Alan Shearer?
04:55All alumni.
04:56And it must be one of those.
04:57Hang on, Alan Shearer?
04:58Alan Shearer?
04:59I didn't believe in either when I wrote it.
05:00Wow!
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03APPLAUSE
05:09Can you give us a vague idea of the rules?
05:11As far as I can tell,
05:12it's a rugby scrum up against the wall.
05:15And where does the snooty hat come in?
05:17That's the hat that the Oppidons team wear.
05:20The Oppidons?
05:21Yes.
05:22It's so snooty.
05:24So snooty.
05:25It's beyond language, isn't it?
05:26Very harsh.
05:27Rosie?
05:28My snootiest thing is a red wine decanter.
05:31I believe that you've started to drop your North East accent
05:34to introduce this.
05:35Sorry, what?
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37I don't know what you're talking about.
05:38If Alan Shearer went to eat and then so did I.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:42I brought a red wine decanter.
05:43OK, here it is.
05:44Because not many people have these.
05:46I go to friends' houses and they just pour me red wine out of a bottle.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50And I think, you haven't got a decanter.
05:53LAUGHTER
05:54Have you got a decanter?
05:56I've got three.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59OK, well, that is everyone great.
06:00It's really tricky, actually, because one of them I don't understand.
06:04Still.
06:05I remember the Swiss chefs are making their chocolates in kitchens.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11LAUGHTER
06:12I'm trying to work out who I'm going to give one point to.
06:16Not me!
06:17It's going to be the chocolate or the decanter.
06:18LAUGHTER
06:19But I just can't work out which is the least snooty.
06:21You can buy Swiss chocolate in any shop.
06:23You can, like in a supermarket.
06:25Yeah, no, but you can make a decanter.
06:27All I have to do is get a plastic bowl and chop the top.
06:29That's a decanter.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32And that, my friend, is the final nail in the cockpit.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:45One point to the chocolate.
06:47One point to the chocolate?
06:48Yeah.
06:49Rosie's decanter, two points.
06:51OK.
06:52We'll have the hired butler with three points.
06:54OK.
06:55I love the snooty tortoise.
06:57Right.
06:58And Matthew's thing is so snooty I still don't know what it is.
07:01It's got to be the snootiest thing.
07:02OK.
07:03So, five points to Matthew.
07:04There you go.
07:05Well done.
07:06There you go.
07:07APPLAUSE
07:08Very good.
07:09That's time!
07:10Oh, yes, it is.
07:11And just like Dr Dre, we're going down to the lab
07:14to lay down some cool tracks and generally have a really nice time
07:17while we're there.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:29Hi.
07:30Hi.
07:31Hello.
07:32Hi, Jason.
07:33What's up?
07:35Welcome to the booth.
07:37This is good.
07:38This makes me feel a bit at home.
07:40Commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky.
07:44Then achieve that really tricky thing.
07:47LAUGHTER
07:48Most iconic really tricky thing achieved wins.
07:51You have five minutes to record your commentary.
07:54Then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.
07:59RTT is what I'm going to abbreviate it for from now on.
08:02Your time starts now.
08:04You're going to commentate on yourself as if you're watching yourself on that telly.
08:08Right.
08:09But you're commentating on your future self.
08:10Ooh.
08:11So, whatever you describe, you've then got to do.
08:13I've got to do.
08:14But it's got to be really tricky and iconic.
08:16What tricky things can you do?
08:17Sort of thinking about escapology.
08:19But I...
08:20I mean...
08:22I can't...
08:23actually do that.
08:25LAUGHTER
08:27Can you do anything tricky?
08:29I was going to just lie down.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32APPLAUSE
08:33So, RTT, I enjoyed that abbreviation.
08:38I like an abbreviation, do you?
08:39You do.
08:40You do.
08:41You do.
08:42He does.
08:43Let's see some tricky stuff.
08:44So, they had to commentate on themselves doing a really tricky thing
08:47before they did the really tricky thing.
08:49Stevie and Rosie are up first, i.e.
08:52are the last two letters of their names.
08:54And remember, they chose to do these things.
08:57OK, the moment we've all been waiting for.
09:00Here she is, Mrs Rosemary Ramsey.
09:03We are...
09:04We've been waiting for this all year.
09:05She's making her way into the dome.
09:07Now, you may not know this at home, but Rosie has a very, very special way
09:11of getting ready for the competition.
09:13If you've seen her before, you'll know.
09:14There she is.
09:15What she likes to do...
09:16Well, you're going to see it in a minute.
09:17She likes to have a little sniff of the air.
09:19Yeah.
09:20Good old scratch of the genitals.
09:21Yeah.
09:22From Anne back.
09:23Oh, that's a new one.
09:24That's a new one.
09:25She's never done the back before.
09:26Alright, she is ready for this competition.
09:28OK, OK.
09:29And it's coming.
09:30Yes, there it is.
09:31There it is.
09:32Every time.
09:33This is what she does.
09:34Projectile vomiting.
09:35Here she is.
09:36Martin.
09:37Stepping up to the plate.
09:39Is she behind the line?
09:40Yes.
09:41Quick check.
09:42She's behind the line.
09:43She bends.
09:44She has a few bends.
09:46I think that's too many bends.
09:49Classic for Martin there.
09:51Alex looking pretty frightened.
09:53Here we go.
09:55She's ready for the question.
09:57The adjudicator is ready.
09:59Alright, there we go.
10:01Nine times nine.
10:02Come on, Rosie.
10:03You can do this.
10:04She's getting her fingers out.
10:05Sadly, Rosie didn't do very well at school.
10:07So she's going to use the tactic that she was taught in year five maths.
10:10This is it.
10:11This is it.
10:12Come on.
10:13Come on.
10:14Come on.
10:15We're ready.
10:16Come on.
10:17What is it?
10:18What is it?
10:19You know this.
10:2081.
10:2181.
10:22She's done it.
10:23She's done it.
10:24She's done it.
10:2581.
10:26Oh, she's vomiting.
10:27It's okay.
10:28It's okay.
10:29No, she's going to have nothing left.
10:30Well done, Rosie.
10:31Brilliant.
10:32Brilliant.
10:33She's flexing.
10:34She's flexing her arms.
10:36And you can see her flexing her arms.
10:38She's going.
10:39And she's off.
10:40She's off.
10:41She's over.
10:42And she's headed it right into the top corner.
10:43Let's see that again.
10:45I'm presuming there's a three-play.
10:57Yes!
10:58Oh, wow.
11:00Look at her go.
11:01Quite an intense celebration there from Martin.
11:05Yeah!
11:06She's doing a forward roll.
11:07Oh, her and Alex high-fiving.
11:09Yeah!
11:10I'd love to see it.
11:12APPLAUSE
11:14What is this sport?
11:21I've never done a leapfrog before, so I wanted to do that.
11:26I've also never scored a goal, so I thought I could do both simultaneously and crucially, while I was in the air, I thought that would be quite tricky.
11:33I mean, you landed perfectly on his back.
11:35Yeah!
11:36He scrambled his head around.
11:37But it was genuinely impressive.
11:39Now, Rosie.
11:40Yes.
11:41As far as I can work out, the sport is...
11:43Tricky numbers.
11:44Yes.
11:45Yes.
11:46Well, that's the way you might describe it.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49I mean, literally what I saw was a woman touch her privates, and then round her back.
11:54Yeah.
11:55You vomited.
11:56Yes.
11:57You did a rudimentary maths sum.
11:58Yeah.
11:59You vomited again.
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01Tricky numbers.
12:02All right.
12:03Classic RTT.
12:04Tricky.
12:05Do you know the trick of the nine times tables?
12:07On your hands?
12:08I mean, I think probably everyone in the room can do this.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Let's see how fast you are.
12:13Seven nines?
12:1463.
12:15BUZZER
12:16Must be another one.
12:17But I'm not impressed.
12:18It's awesome.
12:19You can't go over nine for this system.
12:22So I can't say 11 nines.
12:24Oh, no.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27OK, time for a break.
12:29Here we are, Alex.
12:30That's it.
12:31Good boy.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:33Good boy.
12:34APPLAUSE
12:44APPLAUSE
12:46Welcome back, everybody.
12:48Yes, and it really is high from me too.
12:51Before the break, the task found our athletes having to commentate on themselves,
12:55achieving something really tricky before achieving that really tricky thing.
12:58Now for the attempts of Fatia El Ghori and Matthew El Bainton.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:04I can record two commentaries so that I've got a backup.
13:07Today we get to see the magnificent athlete Fatia El Ghori fly a plane through the Taskmaster dome.
13:15And here comes Bainton with the iconic 19 best.
13:21Let me warm up.
13:22Ready to take on the really tricky thing of keepy-uppies with a tennis ball.
13:30He's got, funnily enough, 19 to beat to take home the goal.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:37And in her hand we see A4 white paper.
13:40So this looks very tricky, because she's got really little fingers.
13:44We're very worried that she might get a paper cut.
13:46But she's been working with Andy Murray's coach.
13:49LAUGHTER
13:50And at this point, it's almost certain that he's done...
13:55Ten keepy-uppies!
13:56Nine that time.
13:57LAUGHTER
13:58No!
13:5920 keepy-uppies!
14:0330 keepy-uppies!
14:06Iconic.
14:07And here we go, any minute now.
14:09Here we go, here we go, here we go.
14:10Oh!
14:11And there it is!
14:12Well done, Fenton.
14:13She is the best.
14:19Can we go closer?
14:20Good idea.
14:21This is your 50th attempt.
14:22People will say, don't pick something you can't do.
14:25But this has to be really tricky.
14:27And I think I've proved that.
14:29Where are the grapes?
14:30She's rocking a little bit.
14:32And she's going to throw it any second now.
14:34And it's gone in through the dome.
14:36I mean, I didn't doubt her, but I was a little bit sceptical.
14:40Magnificent athlete.
14:42And here comes Fenton to try and attempt the record
14:49for the highest thrown and caught-in-the-mouth grape.
14:53Oh, that first attempt didn't play out.
14:57And there's no rules about how many attempts you're allowed,
15:01so that's fine.
15:02Oh, he's really slung that one.
15:04Oh, he's caught it!
15:06Unbelievable scenes!
15:09That's a really tricky thing!
15:13Iconic!
15:15With a whistle of hindsight, knowing how good you are
15:22at keeping your peace, was 19 the right goal to set yourself?
15:26I thought, with a football, it wouldn't be that impressive.
15:29It wouldn't look like an RTT.
15:31So I went...
15:33I went tennis ball and I overestimated my ability.
15:37But the great thing, different story.
15:41But was it an RTT? He did it on his second go.
15:44But it was as high as the half.
15:45But it was high.
15:46Yes.
15:47Iconic is what we're looking for.
15:48I think it's strong.
15:49OK.
15:50I thought yours was good as well.
15:51Don't play me.
15:52I'm not playing.
15:53Lovely attention to detail.
15:55Andy Murray's coach, he's jumped over from tennis, why not?
15:59How did you feel about the first attempt?
16:03Awful.
16:04Crushing.
16:05But the second?
16:06I mean, I was surprised by how excited I was.
16:09Do you want to see someone else?
16:11Yeah!
16:12It's time for the handsome stranger from overseas.
16:14Yes, it's Jason Manzoukas.
16:16Ooh!
16:17And here we are back again at Taskmaster Sports.
16:20Up next, Jason Manzoukas.
16:22He's exiting the Taskmaster house with undue confidence.
16:27But can he achieve an iconic tricky thing?
16:30We don't know.
16:31Alex Horne is following in behind, wondering what exactly is Jason Manzoukas up to?
16:35And oh!
16:36Oh!
16:37He's getting on top of the hunch!
16:39Manzoukas is.
16:40He's got a ladder.
16:41He's got a ladder and he's trying to get it onto the roof.
16:44I've said it, so it is happening.
16:47He's starting to scale the roof.
16:49Alex Horne is freaking out.
16:51Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof,
16:55but American comedian Jason Manzoukas is going to be the first person in history.
16:59Oh!
17:00Alex Horne is on the phone.
17:01Alex is shutting it down!
17:03Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.
17:08Jason Manzoukas is now being pulled off at the roof by a bunch of people dressed just like him?
17:14Is this what he makes them do?
17:17Huh?
17:18I'm being told that Jason Manzoukas makes everyone in the crew dress exactly like him when he's shooting,
17:23so that everybody knows what it feels like to be great.
17:26His words, not mine.
17:28Well, they've got him down.
17:30He's safe.
17:31But the really tricky thing has not been achieved.
17:33Another failure for Jason Manzoukas in a lifetime full of epic fail.
17:39What a piece of shit.
17:43Nailed it.
17:48Sure.
17:50Full-throated commentary.
17:51Oh, yeah.
17:52A lot of excitement from you.
17:53Did you do the tricky thing?
17:55The tricky thing was not accomplished.
17:57Why?
17:58Because Alex Horne shut it down.
18:01I loved the commentary, but I think I have to go with the spirit of the task,
18:05and that was to achieve a tricky thing.
18:07I understand.
18:08I mean, I think you're absolutely fucking stupid for saying...
18:12LAUGHTER
18:14Right.
18:15I enjoyed it, but I'm afraid I must give him one point because he didn't achieve
18:18the tricky thing that he advertised he would be doing that was tricky.
18:21OK.
18:22So it's one point to Jason.
18:23There you go.
18:24I don't know how tricky jumping on your back and heading a goal is.
18:27Oh!
18:28But it's context-based.
18:29It's tricky for me.
18:30You could see I couldn't even achieve it.
18:32Did it say tricky for you personally, the task?
18:35Oh, fair enough.
18:36No.
18:37LAUGHTER
18:39So I must give you two points.
18:40Two points for Steve.
18:41You've got it.
18:42Up we go.
18:43OK, we know the nine times table isn't tricky.
18:45For me, it is.
18:47Again, it's not about context.
18:49There's an element of trickiness to it, so I'm going to give it three points.
18:52Well done.
18:54Well done.
18:55Yeah.
18:56And here we go.
18:57He threw a grape into his mouth.
18:58Yes.
18:59I made a paper plane and flied it.
19:01They both flied their things.
19:03He's ridiculing you.
19:04I'm not quoting.
19:05It's all right.
19:06Don't worry.
19:07I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
19:08When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
19:10LAUGHTER
19:11Is that your dirty look?
19:12Yeah.
19:13Oh.
19:14Don't worry.
19:15We're going to get married.
19:16You don't understand.
19:17This is foreplay.
19:19LAUGHTER
19:20I think, and my future wife is going to hate me for this,
19:24that I found the passion with which he took that high grape
19:28to be the most iconic.
19:29OK.
19:30So, I'm going to give him five.
19:31But, Fatia, four points for throwing a paper airplane.
19:33LAUGHTER
19:34Thank you, Fatia.
19:35Five to Matthew.
19:36APPLAUSE
19:37Right.
19:38Let's go peek at the scoreboard, please.
19:39Yes.
19:40Well, Jason's at the bottom with four.
19:41Right at the top, maximum points.
19:42Matthew Bainton, ten points.
19:43Wow.
19:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:45OK.
19:46Can we have something nice and special?
19:49Just a bloody bit because it's teen time.
19:52Ooh!
19:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:55MUSIC PLAYS
19:56MUSIC PLAYS
19:58MUSIC CONTINUES
20:00MUSIC CONTINUES
20:03MUSIC CONTINUES
20:05BELL RINGS
20:07MUSIC CONTINUES
20:08MUSIC CONTINUES
20:11MUSIC CONTINUES
20:14LAUGHTER
20:16LAUGHTER
20:23Have you ever sat on a cow?
20:25I've not, no.
20:27What have you sat on?
20:29A horse. Oh, a horse. Anything else?
20:31Erm...
20:33No, I can't...
20:35So you've only sat on horses? Not that I can remember.
20:37Hi.
20:39Hello. Hello.
20:40Hi, I'm Matt. I'm Rosie. Hi, nice to meet you.
20:42Nice to meet you. Hi. Hi, Rosie.
20:44Hi. Have you ever sat on a cow?
20:45Erm, no.
20:47OK, same as Matt.
20:48Mmm.
20:49Nothing smaller, not a sheep or a dog.
20:51No, I don't think that would be responsible.
20:54OK.
20:58OK. Hello.
21:00Hi, I'm Stevie. Hi, Stevie, I'm Jason.
21:02An absolute pleasure. How are you?
21:04I'm good.
21:06You look great. Thank you.
21:09I've got to ask you.
21:11Do you want to read? You've got a better voice than me.
21:13No, you...
21:15Go on, he's an actor, he's like...
21:17She wants me to.
21:18He'll read it better.
21:19I'll pay more attention if you read it.
21:20OK.
21:21If I read it, I won't.
21:22So what? Hello.
21:23Oh!
21:24Hello.
21:25Hi.
21:26I'm Rosie, nice to meet you. Hello.
21:27Have you ever sat on a cow?
21:29No.
21:30I don't like heights.
21:31Do you?
21:32Why are you dressed like this, bro?
21:34Good question.
21:35I've got a spare hijab, shall I put it on him?
21:37Are we getting time for this?
21:38Are we getting time for this?
21:39Are we getting time for this?
21:40Right, give me that.
21:41Can we get time for this?
21:42We might be getting time for this.
21:43All right, open it.
21:44All right, open it.
21:45All right, all right, open it.
21:46We might be getting time.
21:47All right, all right.
21:48Let's get, yeah, okay.
21:49Go on.
21:50Give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate.
21:52And an egg cup full of tepid water.
21:55Right.
21:56One of you must always be sitting down.
21:58One of you must always be jumping.
22:00Ugh.
22:01And one of you must always be clapping your hands.
22:03Oh, my word.
22:05You must each change your action every 30 seconds.
22:09And no one may hold anything for more than five seconds at a time.
22:13Oh, you're a liberty, bro.
22:14What?
22:15Fastest wins.
22:16Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.
22:20The teams all seem to get on.
22:25I'm sure.
22:26It was a little awkward between you and me.
22:28But I have no doubt you've pulled it all together, okay?
22:31All right, well, it's the team of two's turn to take the tepid test.
22:34Yes, it's Mandzukas and Martin and marbles.
22:37I'm jumping!
22:38I'm jumping!
22:39I'm jumping!
22:44Oh!
22:49You just need to put them down.
22:50Every five seconds.
22:51Oh, whoa, whoa, I see it.
22:52Yeah.
22:53You're getting the hang of it straight away.
22:55Put those down, please.
22:56Please change actions.
22:57OK, shall I open them?
22:58I think so.
22:59Make sure it's tepid water.
23:02Pull them down, please, Stevie.
23:03Keep jumping.
23:07What, I can do it?
23:08Yeah, I don't know why you put it down for so long.
23:10Oh, so close!
23:11OK.
23:12That's cold!
23:13These change actions.
23:14OK, come on, Jason!
23:15I think this is hot.
23:16What's tepid?
23:17Tepid is not hot and not cold.
23:19Oh, I get it.
23:20Here we go, Stevie.
23:22Here we go, Stevie.
23:24Oh, I found the marble!
23:27Switch!
23:28Switch!
23:29How many did you do?
23:30Unclear.
23:35You're going to have to put that down now.
23:36Put it down.
23:40I found one marble.
23:41Oh, I'd love it if someone was clapping.
23:42Clap, clap, clap, clap!
23:43Clap, clap, clap!
23:45Sorry.
23:46Wait, tepid water with the egg cup.
23:48Oh, my God, I'm so tired.
23:51Do you think this is an egg cup
23:52or do I need to find an egg cup?
23:53That's a lid.
23:54That's a lid.
23:55Let's look at the task again, Stevie.
23:58Stevie, huge news.
24:03Yeah?
24:04There's a goddamn map on the back of the task.
24:06Huge news.
24:07Put it down, Stevie.
24:08OK, hold on.
24:09Oh, well, that's...
24:10You found it!
24:11You found it!
24:12Please switch.
24:18Go, Stevie!
24:22Mix the water!
24:24Stevie!
24:26Mix the water!
24:31Goddamn it, Alex!
24:32Right, go, go, go.
24:33Need more water.
24:36Oh, my legs are apart.
24:40Oh, my legs are on fire.
24:44That's perfect.
24:45That's how I like it.
24:46WHISTLE BLOWS
24:47Should I just give these to you?
24:48Yeah!
24:49And all of the marbles that were...
24:52Do you want me to stop the talk?
24:53Stop it!
24:55Stop it, you asshole!
24:59Well done.
25:00What a team.
25:01Wow.
25:05Powerhouse.
25:06And we all know what the absolute highlight of that was.
25:10I remember doing that, and I was like, I'm still really going.
25:17I've sort of never seen another human move like that.
25:21Do you want to see it again, though?
25:22Of course I want to see it again.
25:25Go, Stevie!
25:33Imagine there's an invisible jump rope in there.
25:36Can you play it again?
25:37Let's watch it again.
25:38Yeah, let's watch it again.
25:39Go, Stevie!
25:40LAUGHTER
25:43Not sped up.
25:44Not sped up.
25:45Do you want to give any statistics about them?
25:46Sub-12 minutes.
25:4811 minutes 45.
25:49Incredible.
25:50OK, that's part two over and done with.
25:52Part three next, then four.
25:54You must know how this works by now.
25:55We'll see you in a minute.
25:56APPLAUSE
26:07Hello!
26:08Welcome back!
26:09Where were we, Alex?
26:11Now for the team of three, Fatia, Matt and Rosie.
26:16Right, clap!
26:18Right.
26:19I'm going to have to stay here.
26:20Go.
26:22Pass it to me.
26:23You open them, you're sitting down.
26:27Can I jump?
26:28I'll jump.
26:29Oh, who's...
26:30Please put that down now.
26:31That's water.
26:32Yeah, you open it, you open it.
26:33Are you jumping, Fatia?
26:34Yes, I am.
26:35Just because I'm doing it one leg, there's still a jump.
26:37Is it?
26:38Yeah.
26:39Yeah, that's Teppis.
26:40Rocky, brother.
26:41You're not seeing Rocky.
26:42We need an egg cup.
26:43We need an egg cup.
26:45Egg cup!
26:46Yes!
26:48There's a plate here.
26:49It's had someone's breakfast on it, I think.
26:52Please put the plate down.
26:54What's going on?
26:55What's that in here?
26:56Oh, there's marbles.
26:57The marbles are here.
26:58There's marbles.
26:59There's marbles.
27:00100 marbles on a plate.
27:01I can't hold it for long.
27:03Please change your action.
27:05Everyone.
27:06Mix them, mix them, mix them.
27:11Right, when I sat down, I need to count the eggs.
27:13Here.
27:14Apparently someone needs to count the eggs.
27:15Why do we have to count the eggs?
27:16Count the marbles.
27:17That's perfect.
27:18It's not too hot, not too cold.
27:1997.
27:2098.
27:21We need two.
27:22Yes.
27:23Have you lost your marbles?
27:24I remember early on some were thrown over here, so I'm just...
27:25I remember that.
27:26I threw them here.
27:27I can't find them.
27:28I can't find them.
27:29Can we get a rake and rake the grass?
27:30That's a good idea.
27:31Aren't we really clapping?
27:32There were enough marbles there.
27:33Come on.
27:34This is crazy.
27:50I do this.
27:51Oh, come on.
28:00Oh my god. Well, this is a mess. We've got two more to find. I think we've lost the task
28:08Are you holding anything?
28:14All change in the plate in the plate deliver the plate
28:18I've stopped the clock. Are you happy with that? Yeah. Well, happy is a strong word
28:38I guess the obvious thing we need to talk about is what your definition of jumping
28:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you were just stepping
28:50When someone said you're supposed to be jumping you shouted and I've written it down Rocky bruv
29:00When he runs
29:03Rosie you please with your jumping. All right, let's see Rosie jumping. Should we okay? Here's Rosie jumping
29:12That's the big question. Why did you throw the marble?
29:23Because he was shouting in it. He was gone. Don't hold it. Don't hold it and blowing his whistle and I just couldn't take it
29:30They took pretty much twice as long the team of two took 11 minutes 45 you guys took 22 minutes
29:36The only thing I would say in my job as
29:38Administrative assistant it was to bring me exactly a hundred marbles on a plate if I show you the two
29:44team's
29:46Oh
29:48I mean is that it is that a plate on the left it looks tambourine II given everyone's understanding of the word jump
29:56I'm tempted to allow plate. We're allowing the tambourine. Let's assume it's a yes
30:00Okay, let's talk about marbles. Oh, well
30:03It's obviously worth counting the marbles. I have to be exactly a hundred marbles
30:07I counted the marbles. I have to count the marble of course, so I split them up into tens. It's my system Rosie. We've all got systems, and we
30:16Split them into 10 like this
30:1810 10 10 10 10 10 they both did really well. We've got a hundred and we've got a hundred and we've got a hundred and one over that side
30:24What
30:28In a place where we deliberately put more marbles in a place that yeah, thank God that fatia threw some of the marbles away
30:41So are we saying things we get fine because of course they do
30:44I
30:47Think on this occasion. I have to reward effort and hilarity
30:51So I can't give them nothing right
30:53I think one is fair because they failed on both counts. Okay one and five points to the team of three
31:02Okay, let's please please and it's time to get wet in the Submaravan, please
31:14Oh
31:20Here we go
31:23Hello. Oh, welcome to my
31:26Sorry about that
31:28Hello. Oh, Stevie. You've just written the word Stevie on your pad
31:32I was guessing who's gonna come in
31:35Matthew
31:36Alex welcome to my home
31:39Don't live here do you? I eat sleep urinate do everything here. Oh, yeah
31:43It smells like it
31:46What's in here?
31:48Oh
31:51Get the most liquid in this can you may not leave the Submaravan
31:58You have 15 minutes your time starts now. I do need a wee and that's a problem for you
32:05So get as much liquid into the tin as possible absolutely who's first here they come it's rosemary and fatia
32:18Get the most liquid. I've seen liquid day
32:21Oh milk milk
32:24All right, let's get these what you're feeling for milk. I hate milk. Yeah
32:31Things you have to do in this place. I'll tell you
32:33What's this toiletries? Yeah, these liquids you get them taken off you're on the plate
32:39Ah bath pearls
32:41Yeah, but they need to melt quick time bro
32:44This is liquid liquid
32:48What's this? Oh, oh ice
32:52Hold on hold on there's something in here and it says
32:55Decking cleaner. Yeah, that's how I clean the decking
32:59Oh, you've just activated it. Yeah, okay. Yeah
33:03So it's started. Yeah, it's going on the suit to the decking
33:07Oh
33:10Okay, I'll be understanding now
33:12Oh look, there's a little thing here
33:15Right here we go
33:16Can I do that? Let's try it
33:27It's working. Yeah, of course it's working. I made it
33:32Oh
33:40Something's happening. Where did that come from? Did it go into the tin? No the tin was the other way because I was waiting for it to come from there
33:47That's a shame
33:51Something that could be quicker, isn't it? You know there is
33:56Oh, are these real grapes? All right, we're gonna squash the grapes. What's out here? Are you kidding me?
34:01Twenty-four seconds. Why didn't I look out here? Oh my god. You haven't got that long. I busted the pearls. You busted the pearls? Yeah, bro
34:09It took a couple of seconds, but you're gonna have to be really quick
34:13I'm curious. Sorry. These are not real man and look at my best look. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
34:21I'm sorry
34:23I found myself asking was how much you understand about the way that liquids work
34:35Quake me if I'm wrong you just put the the tin on its side
34:39Yeah, so did you think it would flow in and then just just stay there?
34:44Oh
34:49At the moment, I'm just gathering information so I understand
34:53So it's two wet men now Jason and Mason here we go
34:58Okay
35:04Solid for now
35:06It is quite a powerful shower so beware
35:17That's how I like my showers good to get nice flow in the morning. What why would you say that?
35:22Oh
35:37Breakfast drink Alex, could you go hand me that? I'm not allowed out of the Submarathon. Okay
35:41Have I left the caravan? Where are your feet? My feet are inside of it. I believe you're fine. Thank you, sir
35:56This is after get every morning's a nightmare
36:01Oh, this is dicey. I don't love this
36:11Not a problem
36:15It's a small triumph
36:19Okay
36:21Is this piss? Okay, this seems like it's part of that shower. Where why didn't all that water come out?
36:27Is it doing anything when I did that? Yeah, it's leaking
36:31This is gonna take ages isn't it
36:35It's almost as if these tasks are designed to make a fool of you
36:41Oh
36:45Beautiful though, hmm
36:47I've got all this liquid here that I wish would just come out
37:00How do you get water to come out the drain pipe over there it looks like some sort of rube goldberg machine
37:08Okay, let's see if this works
37:12Oh
37:14Here we come something's happening. That's exciting
37:17Oh, dear
37:19That's just my leg and my skin. I guess if you bleed into it that'll help. Not a bad point
37:26I've cut myself. That's my blood now
37:3420 seconds 20 seconds and break
37:38five seconds
37:40Oh, that's your time up
37:47This is an awful lot of
37:49Latent rage with both of you. How do you feel spending time with Alex Horne? Oh, no?
37:54I understand that I feel very angry, but this
37:59Rage Matthew did you feel it in the caravan very very often not just in the caravan?
38:04Yeah
38:05Almost every time I read a task it was immediate
38:09But you up to this stage you've been very gentle very amenable and at one point you managed to get the breakfast drink in using the grabber
38:16And you really cockily went not a problem
38:22They both did very well in there. I can't tell you yet
38:24How well okay time for the last break of the show some snooty prizes will be one including a hat from eaton and a painting of a tortoise as a war
38:32General the middle class is love us
38:34I can't believe it's part four there's just one person left to go in the task where they have to fill the can with the most liquid
38:41Yes, well you better believe it greg and you'd better also believe it's time for stevie
39:05Couldn't have been that easy could it you're trying to turn the tap on yeah, obviously that would be number one what I'd be trying to do
39:11Oh
39:15Ice what are you doing with the ice? I'm holding it in my hand so that it warms and drips
39:25Now we're cooking with gas wait is wax a liquid it is when it's liquid
39:32Okay, I'm gonna set fire to this right start a small fire that's gonna keep it warm
39:41I could use a spray
39:44It's not worked
39:45I'll just put it over the sink
39:48Liquid you say
39:50What have you made straws?
39:52I could wait
39:53I think what I would gain in amount of liquid I'd lose in every other element
40:00Why's that window open?
40:01Okay
40:04I can't
40:06So I can't leave
40:08Three minutes stevie
40:09Yeah
40:13Okay
40:14We've made a connection
40:15Yes, what do you think's gonna happen?
40:17How in god's name are you meant to do that?
40:28It's not like a long litter picker that I've not seen
40:31Probably one minute left
40:32What are you talking about? Probably
40:34Oh shut up
40:42Shut up
40:4332 seconds
40:44Yes
40:46Okay, I'm bringing him home
40:47Right, 23 seconds
40:49Shut up
40:49Pardon
40:50Oh
40:53Jesus
40:54Christ
40:58About 15 seconds Ruth
41:06That's it, time up
41:07Oh, my God!
41:08Yes!
41:09APPLAUSE
41:11It was absolutely dreadful.
41:16Yeah, it was awful, yeah.
41:18I really enjoyed watching it.
41:19Yes, well, it was the worst, Stevie's one, by far.
41:22We've actually measured them. We froze the water.
41:24It's the easiest way to represent what you did.
41:26You froze the amount of liquid? Yeah.
41:27Oh, nice.
41:28Into ducks.
41:29Oh!
41:30Aww!
41:31So ducks are missing, Matthew's ducks.
41:33The breakfast...
41:34Wow!
41:35..that the breakfast drink gave it that lovely colour.
41:37So, if we see that on the graph...
41:39Stevie, you only got 2.5 ducks, 219 millilitres.
41:43Then we got Rosie, six ducks.
41:45Ooh!
41:46Matthew, you got your 10.7 ducks, of course.
41:48Wow!
41:49Jason, 16.2 ducks.
41:52But Fatia, 8.6 ducks, so slightly there.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:57So, as you can see, it's one point to Stevie,
41:59two to Rosie, three to Fatia, four to Matt,
42:01and five to Jason Manzuka!
42:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:07Right, please, make your way to the stage
42:09for the final task of the show!
42:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:20You're the best boy in the land.
42:21You know that?
42:22I'm good at jumping.
42:23LAUGHTER
42:24He's having a pop at you, you know that.
42:26And you're going to let him chat to your woman like that?
42:28LAUGHTER
42:29Who's going to read the Tusker?
42:31I think Jason should read this one, please.
42:33Here we go.
42:35Choose an item from each box
42:37and place them on the corresponding half of your table.
42:40You have one minute, your time starts on the whistle.
42:44There are ten items in the boxes altogether.
42:46You're each going to have two items on your table in the end.
42:48One on the right-hand side from the right box,
42:50one on the left-hand side from the left box.
42:52You've only got a minute, so you're going to have to decide
42:55who gets which in your own way.
42:58LAUGHTER
42:59Ready, everybody?
43:00One minute.
43:01On the whistle.
43:02WHISTLE BLOWS
43:03Right, OK, let's open the boxes, right?
43:04Let's open the boxes, right?
43:05I'll just go back.
43:06Shall we...?
43:07Are we just giving this...?
43:08Yeah, what is this?
43:09OK.
43:10I don't know what this means!
43:11You're not meant to announce the joy!
43:13It doesn't make sense!
43:15Take an item from the right box!
43:17It doesn't make sense!
43:18It doesn't make sense!
43:19It doesn't make sense!
43:20No!
43:21Someone...
43:22OK, someone swap with me, because I'm not popping these.
43:25OK.
43:26I know he's going to say pop it.
43:27Please put them down, that's it.
43:28We've all got two items.
43:30Well, Jason, you know, read the next task.
43:33One at a time, pass the item on your right
43:37to the person on your right
43:40and the item on your left
43:42to the person on your left.
43:44I'll talk you through this, but you're going to end up with balloons.
43:46That's the headline.
43:48So, Fatia, what's on the left of your table?
43:50Foil.
43:51Please give the foil to the person on your left.
43:53OK, and please give the trousers to the person on your left, Jason.
43:57And so on.
43:58So, the balls go to Rosie, the cardboard goes to Stevie
44:02and the piping goes all the way round to Fatia.
44:05And while you're there, Fatia's going to give you a sleeping bag.
44:09And then what do I get? Do I get that?
44:11No, you're going to get the balloons.
44:12That's going to go on the right-hand side.
44:13Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:14Over they go.
44:15Matthew, please give him the safe.
44:18The microwave goes to Matthew.
44:20And the flour goes to Rosie.
44:22Oh, my God, I don't even have a puddle.
44:24They're ready, Greg, for part three of the task.
44:28OK.
44:29Put one of your items completely inside the other item.
44:33Fastest wins.
44:34Fastest wins.
44:35Your time starts on the whistle.
44:37It has to be completely inside the other item.
44:40It's up to you which goes in which.
44:42Your time starts.
44:44You're going to have to put one inside the other one, Fatia.
44:48Can I blow them off?
44:49You're going to have to pop them, Fatia.
44:51I feel like I know the code to the safety.
44:53You're going to have to pop them.
44:54You're going to have to pop them.
44:55I don't like it.
44:56Can I have your pins?
44:57I know the code, but I can't enter it.
45:07Hang on.
45:08How come I can't enter the code?
45:10How do you know the code?
45:11It's on the balloon.
45:12It is on the balloon.
45:132851, it's on the balloon, but it won't register.
45:16Matthew is safe in the foil.
45:20But I know the code.
45:22I know, I did the code part.
45:27Did it win?
45:29I didn't pick you out of the band.
45:31They've got to be completely inside, Fatia.
45:33Jason's done it.
45:34They've got to be completely inside.
45:36Is that completely inside the seats?
45:38I think it is.
45:39Maybe it's just one.
45:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:44You have those scores, your final scores.
45:46Come down and join me!
45:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:50How could a simple task like that be so contentious?
45:56Yeah, so Rosie only got one point in the end,
45:58because she was the slowest by some distance.
46:01Fatia, you got two points, Jason, three points, Matt, four,
46:04but Stevie Martin, the overall winner, gets five points!
46:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:08I just want to say, if my safe had worked, I would have nailed it.
46:13Jason was very unlucky.
46:14He spotted the code to the safe, which was on the balloons next to him,
46:17but I'd forgotten to change the batteries in the safe, so...
46:19LAUGHTER
46:21I mean, fuck you!
46:23LAUGHTER
46:24It's a very interesting final scoreboard.
46:26We have three people in joint third.
46:28Can you believe it?
46:29Jason, Rosie and Stevie all in 13 points.
46:31Fatia's in second place with 15 points,
46:33but the runaway leader with 23 points,
46:35it's Matthew Bainton!
46:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39Last year, thank you for the winners of the episode.
46:42Please...