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Taskmaster (AU) Season 4 Episode 3
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Transcript
00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:23No!
00:24I hate you.
00:27Let me out of here!
00:30Hello and welcome to Castmaster.
00:40It's our third episode and after my week-long cryogenic sleep,
00:44they've updated my moral source code with what's okay
00:47and what's not okay to joke about.
00:50Look out straight white men, I'm coming for you.
00:53Let's meet the cast.
00:57The stinky and old Dave Hughes.
01:01The wonderful Emma Holland.
01:05The irreplaceable Lisa McKeown.
01:07The very cool and suave Sakashi.
01:11And the stinky and getting old Tommy Little.
01:15Hello!
01:17And next to me, the boy who spends his weekend
01:21hanging out at the library telling people to shh
01:24and getting tingles in his naughty region
01:26at the brilliance of the Dewey Decimal System.
01:29It's Tom Cashman.
01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:35How are you this week?
01:37I've been inspired this week.
01:38Yeah.
01:39Because we have a warm-up guy here on the show,
01:41called Steve Philp.
01:42I've been trying to do something similar.
01:44Yep.
01:45I've been trying to become a warm guy.
01:47LAUGHTER
01:56Is that warmth?
01:57It's an attempt at warmth.
01:59OK.
02:00OK, Princess, what's our first task for the show?
02:03Our first task is a prize task.
02:04And this week our contestants have been asked
02:06to bring in what they consider to be the swankiest thing.
02:10All right, so Waka.
02:12Yes.
02:13What do you have for me?
02:14I bought the birds.
02:16Birds and crested birds.
02:19That's why I put my hair make like this.
02:22It takes so long.
02:24Lots of time and effort there.
02:26But this bird, when they wake up,
02:29it's already there.
02:31When it's a rainy day, it's already there.
02:34That's the swankiest thing I ever think.
02:37It's naturally swankiest.
02:39I must admit it's a problem I can't really relate to.
02:42LAUGHTER
02:43All right, Lisa, what did you bring in?
02:45Look, I brought a high tea.
02:46Ooh.
02:47It's pretty and it's nice
02:48and everybody gets dressed up for it
02:50and partakes in it together.
02:52Yeah.
02:53And there's conversation, polite conversation.
02:55As opposed to low tea,
02:56which is an issue I deal with.
02:57LAUGHTER
02:58Yes.
02:59What does a low tea involve?
03:00A tea is short for testosterone.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:05You really are lesser in every way, eh?
03:08Because apparently too much testosterone
03:10calls baldness.
03:11LAUGHTER
03:13I'm just saying I'm locked and loaded.
03:15Is that true, though,
03:16or is that just something that they say to bald men
03:18to make them feel better about themselves?
03:20Yeah, it's just some annoying thing from science, Husey.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24If you have your full head of hair
03:25and your one sperm cell
03:26rattling around your empty nuts...
03:27LAUGHTER
03:28You'll be fine.
03:29See, I've had a vasectomy anyway,
03:30so I don't...
03:31I don't...
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33So they can't get out
03:34whether they're there or not.
03:35LAUGHTER
03:36Hey, Huse,
03:37when you've had a vasectomy,
03:38does it just go like...
03:39Pah!
03:40LAUGHTER
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42Mate, I'll show you later.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:45LAUGHTER
03:46All right, so, Emma,
03:50what's the swankiest thing you brought in?
03:52I brought in something I made.
03:53It's a golden statue of Hilary Swank.
03:57LAUGHTER
04:02And it looks exactly like her.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:05Are you a massive Hilary Swank fan?
04:07Oh, absolutely.
04:08I love all of her work.
04:09Including what?
04:11Oh, just the movies, you know?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14All the cinema that she's in, you know?
04:16A real fan wouldn't pick a favourite.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:20Tommy, what did you bring in
04:21that you thought was swanky?
04:22I brought in an invitation I got from the, at the time, royals.
04:26Uh...
04:27Ooh!
04:28From Harry and Meghan,
04:29and I RSVP'd and then forgot.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:35They didn't do a follow-up check.
04:37So I think it's a bit on them, Tom.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40So you needed not just a royal invite,
04:42you needed a royal reminder.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45Yes.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:47OK, Dave, what's the swankiest thing that you've brought in?
04:50An electric foot masseuse.
04:53So you put your feet on it
04:55and underneath the things come up
04:57and make you feel like you're a king or a queen
05:00or, you know, whatever gender-neutral term you have for royalty.
05:03Um, yeah.
05:05So, how much does that cost, you reckon, Husey?
05:07Oh, I got it for free,
05:08but, uh, I reckon if you bought it,
05:10I've no idea.
05:11What do you reckon?
05:12Yeah, like, what, $49.99?
05:14LAUGHTER
05:15It sounds affordable.
05:17Yeah, I'm not an elitist.
05:19Uh, it's anyone...
05:20Well, for this prize task, you're supposed to be.
05:22Oh, right.
05:23Oh, right.
05:24Yeah, cos this seems very affordable
05:25and something that anyone could get,
05:27which doesn't feel swanky at all to me.
05:29Anyway, I'm already starting to score.
05:30One.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:36I don't even want to hear your defence of it.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39I'm going to go two points for Lisa.
05:40I appreciate what you're trying to do.
05:41Yeah.
05:42But it's not quite as special as a fancy bird,
05:45so I'm going to give three points to Waka.
05:48I feel like I'm going to give four points to Tommy Little,
05:50cos that's a very swanky invitation.
05:52But for all the effort, I mean, Hillary's swank...
05:54You can't get more swanky than Hillary.
05:56Five points to Emma.
05:57APPLAUSE
06:02OK, let's get into a task.
06:03Like someone who purchased the hit single
06:05Don't Stop Believin' and was unsatisfied,
06:07it's time to return Journey.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10Come in.
06:23Hey, Tom.
06:24Hi, Waka.
06:25Hi.
06:26Hi, Dave.
06:27How are you?
06:28I'm a good.
06:29A little kiss?
06:30Sure.
06:31Who's doing who?
06:32Cheek.
06:33Second for good measure.
06:34Oh, sorry.
06:35So rude.
06:36Might as well go third.
06:38Oh, yep.
06:39OK.
06:40That was too soon.
06:41That was a bit wet, that one.
06:42I'm so sorry.
06:43I'll just...
06:44Make this exercise ball go as far away as possible from you
06:48and have it come back.
06:49Once the exercise ball has left you...
06:51You may not take a step without forfeiting an attempt.
06:52...Furthest return Journey wins.
06:53You have 15 minutes.
06:55Your time starts now.
06:58Alright, I love that.
06:59How can I do this?
07:01So I can have this multiple attempts?
07:03Yes.
07:04I can just give it a little extra.
07:05I'll just keep it as quick as you can.
07:06I'm just...
07:07I'm just...
07:08I'm just...
07:09I'm just...
07:10I'm just...
07:11I'm just...
07:12I'm just...
07:13I'm just...
07:14I'm just...
07:15I'm just...
07:16I'm just...
07:17is multiple attempts.
07:18Yep.
07:19Do whatever I like.
07:20What?
07:21Well, not whatever, within reason.
07:22Do whatever you like.
07:23I can't do whatever I like.
07:24There's certain rules.
07:25Yeah, there's rules.
07:26You've told me the rules.
07:27Morality.
07:28Yeah, absolutely.
07:29Morality?
07:30Did you say morality?
07:31Yeah, there's kind of moral boundaries that are kind of limiting your behaviour currently.
07:33I suppose they aren't.
07:34I'm not even thinking about it.
07:35That's subconscious, isn't it?
07:41So, Lissa, Tom, what moral boundaries are holding you back from doing what you actually
07:46want to do?
07:47Tax fraud?
07:50That's your first go-to.
07:52I don't think you have to pay tax if you earn under $18,000.
07:55Oh!
08:01I love this.
08:02I feel like this is nerd on nerd action.
08:05I love it.
08:06So, I've got to say, Lissa, Tom, Tommy, was this the beginning of something?
08:10I hoped it was.
08:12Were you looking for favourable treatment?
08:14No, Tom just hadn't had some action in a long time.
08:18Jock on nerd action.
08:23Okay, who's first?
08:24First to have a ball while they throw a ball at the wall.
08:27It's two people whose names I really wish rhymed with ball.
08:30It's Lisa and Waka.
08:32They just put this and they come back with the movie.
08:36Wow.
08:37Oh no.
08:38It's not too bad.
08:39That's pretty good.
08:40I'm going to look for another way now.
08:41I have to trust my tape.
08:42Oh no.
08:43It's not too bad.
08:44That's pretty good.
08:45I'm going to look for another way now.
08:46I have to trust my tape.
08:48Oh no.
08:49Alright.
08:50I know it's strange.
08:51But...
08:52Okay.
08:5390 seconds.
08:54I'm going to try and use gravity.
08:58How many minutes have I got left?
08:59We've got one minute and 57 seconds.
09:00Oh my god.
09:01That was pretty good.
09:02That was pretty good.
09:03Yes.
09:04You moved.
09:05I'm sorry.
09:0615 seconds.
09:07I'm just going to throw it back just in case by magic it comes back.
09:11I'm going to try and use gravity.
09:12I'm going to try and use gravity.
09:13How many minutes have I got left?
09:14We've got one minute and 57 seconds.
09:15Oh my god.
09:16That was pretty good.
09:17That was pretty good.
09:18Yes.
09:19You moved.
09:20I'm sorry.
09:2115 seconds.
09:22I'm just going to throw it back just in case by magic it comes back.
09:33Ooh.
09:34Fingers crossed?
09:35Yep.
09:3612 seconds.
09:37Maybe if I wish hard enough it might come back.
09:52I think potentially at this point we may have to give up hope.
09:56I liked your approach there Lisa where you thought you'd just throw it in the air because
10:02you've got nothing to lose and hope that by magic it'll just come back.
10:06You just never know.
10:07Yeah.
10:08You know like sometimes things just change and it might have kind of come back.
10:13Like there's magic in the world.
10:14I believe in magic.
10:15Yes.
10:16Okay.
10:17Waka.
10:18You had mixed results with the stringy.
10:20You had a bit of a shit sticky tape situation.
10:22Yeah.
10:23Once you made decision and it didn't work well your brains got panic.
10:28Yes.
10:29I used tyre.
10:30Yeah.
10:31I used tyre.
10:32That was the second best option.
10:35Okay.
10:36Because at that point you're in a panic.
10:37You don't have much time to go so you just thought I'll just fling it at shit.
10:40Yeah.
10:41I know.
10:42I did the best job but I saw that.
10:43That looks so bad.
10:44Okay well I feel like we need to know the measurements now.
10:49Well waka by throwing it at a stack of tyres when there was an extremely flat wall right
10:53behind him.
10:54That was bad.
10:57I know.
10:58Your result was 7.42 metres.
11:01Lisa's reliance on golf then gravity then God but ultimately with the string got 14.2 metres.
11:07It's not bad.
11:08Okay well it's time for an ad break so just like a big red ball with Lisa casting spells
11:16behind it we hope you come back.
11:19Hello welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:22Give us a recap my little chap.
11:25Our contestants are sending exercise balls away and hoping they come back and the furthest
11:41return journey without taking a step wins.
11:43Next up one's a boomer the other one likes meringues.
11:46Let's put them together and watch them boomerang.
11:48It's Dave and Emma.
11:50Alright let's go for his safety.
11:52Alright that's coming back.
11:54Ahhhh no steps.
11:58That's a keeper.
11:59Okay.
12:00Do you have any like remote controlled cars?
12:02I think there's one in the shed.
12:03If I deflate this and then use a drone I think I can get this done.
12:17You come here often?
12:18Yeah.
12:19Yeah heaps.
12:20Oh.
12:21Go find me a drone.
12:22Go.
12:23Go find a drone.
12:29I really need that to stay in there.
12:35This is gonna protect me when the drone brings it back to me.
12:40Is it coming backwards?
12:41It's coming backwards.
12:42Okay.
12:43From wherever it stopped there.
12:44Nice.
12:45You gonna have another go?
12:48How much time do I have?
12:492 minutes and 27 seconds.
12:50Okay.
12:51Send the drone.
12:52Ball.
12:53Fly away.
12:54Come on ball.
12:55Come on.
12:56Go ball.
12:57Please go away from me.
12:59Make me a winner.
13:02That seems to be a long way.
13:06I think this is a win if you can come back.
13:08I think you can come back.
13:09I think you can come back now.
13:11Or keep going if you like.
13:12You decide.
13:13Time?
13:14One minute.
13:15Please come back.
13:16Stay in the air.
13:18Stay up.
13:19I want you back.
13:20Where did you go?
13:21You're not gonna turn back.
13:22You're crazy.
13:23What time?
13:2443 seconds.
13:25Alright.
13:26Come back ball.
13:27I think it's landed itself.
13:28Come back.
13:29I think it can't handle the weight.
13:31She's struggling.
13:33Oh no.
13:3420 seconds.
13:35You're running out of power.
13:36I'm running out of time.
13:38It's so close.
13:39Please come back.
13:41Oh yes.
13:42Come on.
13:43Six seconds.
13:46God damn you.
13:49It had the vibe of such victory.
13:51Yeah it did.
13:52Why did you go so far away?
13:54We bit off more than we could chew.
13:56God damn.
14:04So Emma you must have been very proud of your first attempt there.
14:07Yeah.
14:08I was happy it came back to me.
14:09I'm more concerned about the fact that this is not the first time Husey and I have thought
14:12of the same thing.
14:15I don't know.
14:16I'm not comfortable with that.
14:20So you're pretty happy with the remote controlled car.
14:22That worked really well.
14:23Would have you liked it if the editors didn't include your second attempt?
14:25I think that...
14:27You could have looked like a real chap.
14:28Yeah.
14:29That would have been awesome but they didn't do that did they?
14:32So Dave just to be clear you were controlling the drone by yelling at it?
14:37Ah look.
14:38Let's not get into that.
14:40The fact is the drone was my idea.
14:42No one else thought of a drone.
14:44It was a brilliant idea and it was almost probably the best task ever in the history of the show.
14:51So I'm guessing Emma's first attempt was the winner.
14:54Emma's first attempt was a successful return distance of 49.05 metres.
14:59Oh wow.
15:00OK.
15:01So that was quite a distance round the back of the house.
15:03And then Dave's drone distance would have been 51.2 if it came back but of course it didn't.
15:09Which means we'd go with his safety of Waka, you'll remember that, the wall behind.
15:1315.6 metres.
15:16Alright.
15:17OK.
15:18So there's still a score there.
15:20Alright, well give us another then.
15:21Whilst I may not exactly have consented to his kiss on the lips, I consent to him being next.
15:25It's Tommy Little.
15:27Hey, is there keys in that car?
15:29That's actually been a bit of an issue recently but...
15:31What do you mean?
15:32Nothing.
15:33Let's check the car.
15:34OK.
15:35So, I'm going to need you to drive.
15:37OK.
15:38I'm just going to put the ball in the passenger seat.
15:40OK.
15:41And then drive it as far as you can.
15:42OK.
15:43And then come back.
15:44OK.
15:45And go!
15:52I have no faith in this van coming back.
15:58Semiah.
16:02Pretty lonely way of doing things.
16:06Come on.
16:08Yeah!
16:18Hi Tommy.
16:19You've got 15 seconds.
16:21No worries.
16:22Thanks Tommy.
16:23You did wonderful.
16:25You did too.
16:33Tommy, did you just do something clever?
16:35What?
16:36It was very...
16:37Stop!
16:38It was...
16:40I'm saying...
16:41It was very disorienting.
16:43I was expecting you to deflate the ball, shove it up your arse or put it in your pants.
16:48To see you actually do something clever, I think it really threw all of us, didn't it?
16:52Is that within the rules that this time we can just do something?
16:55Dave, you also instructed someone to take yours away.
16:57LAUGHTER
16:58APPLAUSE
17:03OK.
17:04Well, how did he do?
17:05The total distance, including the 19-point turn I had to do to turn the van around, was
17:10774 metres.
17:16So, that means one point goes to Waka, Lisa gets two, Dave gets three, Emma gets four,
17:20but the winner of the task with the driving is Tommy with five points.
17:26And then for the overall episode scores, we've got three fours at the bottom and two nines
17:30at the top, with Emma and Tommy leading so far.
17:32APPLAUSE
17:37OK, lad, another task, please.
17:39Yeah, we could, or maybe let's bloody head to the pub.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:44Down some brewskis and watch the footy, or have an arm wrestle, or...
17:48This will make more sense when you watch the task.
17:50LAUGHTER
18:08Hi, Emma.
18:09Hi, Tom.
18:11LAUGHTER
18:12That's a shitter.
18:14Oh.
18:15Oh, oh.
18:16The art department wins an award or someone gets arrested, mate.
18:20Cos that's not right.
18:22Oh.
18:24Can I pee, or...?
18:25No, thank you.
18:28Goodness.
18:29I feel like this should play into my strengths.
18:32I feel like it's the only task so far where I've walked out and gone,
18:36Comfortable.
18:37Tommy, I think you're going to be right.
18:38You do?
18:39LAUGHTER
18:42Be a man.
18:43Manliest man wins.
18:44You have 30 minutes.
18:46Your time starts now.
18:4930 minutes?
18:50That's right.
18:52Yeah.
18:53So how do I be a man?
18:54I've got to be a man.
18:55What do men like?
18:56Would you like to know my thoughts?
18:58Initially, it was just lift up the toilet and throw it off the balcony.
19:03Men like Quentin Tarantino.
19:05What if I make a Quentin Tarantino-style film about pissing standing up?
19:10A lot of foot shots.
19:11Foot shots?
19:12Yeah.
19:13You know what the most manly thing to be is?
19:15Hmm?
19:16To show your vulnerability.
19:19Maybe I might do a day in the life of a man.
19:22Oh, wow.
19:23Yeah.
19:24We're going to be the man?
19:25Oh, actually, no.
19:26That's actually a good point.
19:27I could get you to be the man and I could direct you.
19:28Oh.
19:29Oh, that's good.
19:30I think what makes a man manly is always women.
19:37So you think what makes a man manly is women?
19:40Yeah.
19:41Protect women.
19:42Are you trying to use this show as a vehicle to impress women?
19:45I have to ask, why was there a shit in Hughesy's toilet and no one else's?
19:58Because none of the others had one in there.
20:01Oh, no.
20:02Did you do something early on?
20:03I ain't shit in the toilet.
20:05Do you think I was going to eat it or something?
20:08I just don't know.
20:09Why?
20:10What?
20:11Out of all the steps, why was that the next one?
20:15And also, just to be clear, Hughesy, it's very manly to own up to something.
20:19I didn't shit in the toilet.
20:26Oh, well, they've got their promo.
20:28OK, which man are we getting to see first?
20:38Being a manly man in the style of every man's favourite man, it's Emma Holland.
20:58Can I get you a drink?
21:28Emma, the crowd loved it.
21:43So just to be clear, did you piss all over the seat and then put the seat up after that?
21:48Yeah, and then I flushed and then did a shit and gave it to Hughesy.
21:54I mean, brilliant.
21:56I feel like this came from a real place, though.
21:58Have you had to sit through a lot of men banging on about how great Quentin Tarantino is?
22:02Yeah, I've met men.
22:03Yeah.
22:06He is great.
22:07Yeah, of course, you would love that Feeney McFreak.
22:13It was quite satirical and it was making fun of men, but it was so accurate that men in the crowd were going,
22:18Oh, cool, Quentin Tarantino.
22:21Yeah.
22:22And what is being a man if not oblivious?
22:26All right, time for something else manly.
22:32Trying to coerce society into making decisions against their wishes through power and influence.
22:38Their ad breaks.
22:39Back soon.
22:40Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster where we're playing for something Dave Hughes' bunion-y feet have been in.
22:59Connect some dots, Lester Tom.
23:00Our contestants are trying to be really, really manly. Or to me, normal.
23:06Next up, of our cast, he has the most tattoos. And if you think that makes him a bad boy, oh baby, you've got no idea.
23:13It's Tommy Little.
23:15I think I need to say something.
23:17Something manly.
23:18What we do when this life echoes to eternity.
23:20Oh, that's beautiful.
23:23Should I also do a gladiator quote?
23:25I got it.
23:26Yeah.
23:27Yeah.
23:28Yeah.
23:29Yeah.
23:30Yeah.
23:31Yeah.
23:32Yeah.
23:33Yeah.
23:34Yeah.
23:35Are you not entertained?
23:56That was good.
23:59You think you did well on this one?
24:02Are you kidding?
24:05This could be one of my prouder moments.
24:10Tommy, thanks for that example of toxic masculinity.
24:14Anytime, Tom.
24:15Oh, it was very powerful.
24:17It was so fun.
24:19It worked.
24:20I mean, it was very manly.
24:21You had to lift it.
24:21That was heavy.
24:22Yeah, it was heavy.
24:23It was dumb.
24:24Yeah.
24:24It was fun.
24:26Yeah.
24:27Yeah.
24:27And there was a reference to Gladiator, which is up the Tarantino into the spectrum.
24:32Yeah.
24:32And then afterwards, I went and found Husey's toilet and took a shit in it.
24:40This is turning into a very lowbrow whodunit.
24:46I didn't realize we had such a budget we could throw toilets off balconies.
24:49No, I think there was only one.
24:51No, we had to replace it.
24:52It cost $370.
24:53All right.
24:57The only issue is it was very manly.
24:59You had to lift it up.
25:00You threw it off the balcony.
25:01It smashed.
25:02Yes.
25:02You yelled out a Gladiator quote.
25:04Yes.
25:04Yes.
25:05But there was just...
25:06We've got a photo of what your face looked like after you let go of the toilet.
25:10Yes.
25:10This will be manly.
25:11Yeah.
25:11All right.
25:18Throw me another bloke, please.
25:20Being the manliest man by showing his feminine side.
25:22It's Dave Hughes.
25:23You know what I don't do often enough?
25:26I don't cry, man.
25:28I need to cry more.
25:29I need you to lie on the ground.
25:31I need you to just tap one leg.
25:38I need you to growl just a little bit.
25:39Just go...
25:41Just do it.
25:44It's okay, buddy.
25:46Each of our longings we had together, me and you, you were my best friend.
25:52Our family loved you, man.
25:56We miss you, man.
25:59Doggy door, mate.
26:00You never worked it out, did you?
26:02Letting ears, barking outside, let me in.
26:06It was a way to let yourself in.
26:08It was on hinges.
26:10You idiot.
26:12But that was all right.
26:13We didn't mind.
26:14Because we loved you, man.
26:16I'm going to hug you, man.
26:21Good evening, mate.
26:22I love you, Parkway.
26:28All right.
26:29I think I'm done.
26:31I just had an emotional moment with my dog.
26:36I'm going to go now.
26:37Mm.
26:45I mean, the very first thing you brought in was your dog's ashes.
26:51This is a light entertainment show.
26:53It's supposed to be a comedy.
26:55I know, but Tom really turned into him.
26:58That is one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life, I reckon.
27:03Yeah, I appreciate what you did.
27:04And you go above and beyond the call of duty many times.
27:07But being my dog is something I'll never forget.
27:11So if you ever want to come around to my house, I'd love to put a lead on you and walk around.
27:19All right.
27:20Test me with some more testosterone, please.
27:22If you remove one of the C's, her full name is legitimately an anagram for the word masculine,
27:28which means her whole name is an anagram for C masculine.
27:31Let's C masculine with Lisa McKeown.
27:33Unbelievable.
27:34So this, this first scene, you're just waking up in the morning.
27:39Okay.
27:39And then I'm going to...
27:41I've got YouTube open.
27:43Okay, so that, that's, you kind of know where we're going, okay?
27:45Oh, all right, okay.
27:55It's not working.
28:00That's what I'm trying to get, okay?
28:02Yeah, so just roll over and we'll keep playing.
28:03Okay.
28:04It's not that one.
28:18That one's stuck.
28:20Okay, here we go.
28:27So we're asleep.
28:28Okay, here we go.
28:51Here we go.
28:52Tom, I'm getting up.
29:03I can't box.
29:05I know it doesn't worry you, but...
29:08I apologise.
29:09I apologise.
29:09And that is being a man.
29:19Oh, thank God.
29:21I was stuck.
29:22And you don't have YouTube premium.
29:24And I didn't have my glasses and I couldn't see the button.
29:30It was just a disaster.
29:31But you accidentally really honed in on something.
29:34Which was?
29:35Something very manly.
29:36I mean, how many times have you watched a middle-aged man fumble their way through YouTube?
29:42Because they've got no idea what they're f***ing doing.
29:45Okay, great.
29:46That was actually what I was...
29:48It was totally what we were getting at.
29:50All right, it's time for a break.
29:51Have you checked your prostate lately?
29:53Back with more man chat soon.
30:09Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster, where we've just been hanging out with our wangs out.
30:15Yes, that's right.
30:16We've had four versions of a man.
30:18Now here's an attempt at Superman.
30:19It's Takashi Wakasugi.
30:21Thank you so much for coming, Tomasina.
30:24You are so beautiful.
30:25My heart's burning like a global warming.
30:27I'm so hot.
30:28You are so hot.
30:29What, you want to drink anything?
30:30A minute early, but let's have a few cocktails.
30:32Cocktails?
30:33Anytime.
30:35Very beautiful with cocktails.
30:36It's a bitch.
30:38She betrayed me.
30:40And she stole my money.
30:43I'm going to kill her.
30:45I can feel something.
30:46Someone watching.
30:47Damn!
30:48See you in hell.
30:51Stop!
30:52Tomasina!
30:53Ah!
30:58Welcome!
30:59You are so beautiful.
31:01I love you.
31:02Oh!
31:04Welcome!
31:06Oh!
31:06Oh!
31:09Oh!
31:11Oh!
31:11Oh!
31:11Oh!
31:11Oh!
31:11Oh!
31:12Oh!
31:13Oh!
31:14Oh!
31:14Oh!
31:15Oh!
31:16Oh!
31:16Oh!
31:17Oh!
31:17Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:19Sorry for the wait let's talk about your dream cheers for our future
31:49so what was you thinking here in I'm strong protect and still make a promise bring the
31:57cocktails yeah you took a bullet as well yep yeah between the eyes yeah I like the way
32:05you dive through the air and you took all the bullets in your chest and then you
32:09turned around it was in your head lots things going on yeah yeah and also now I understand
32:15why you guys kiss each other Tom is very attractive I must say this is one of the hardest tasks
32:27I've ever had to score because they're all very very manly but I'm going to give one
32:31point to Tommy okay but that's just that's where we're at that's the base manly level
32:36is smashing a toilet and yelling out a gladiator quote that's where we're at I'm really happy
32:40to take his one I don't think mine is very good I'll take you one would never let you
32:44very good well I'm going to give two points to Lisa because fumbling through YouTube was still
32:52very manly despite that being a mistake three points to Emma for the Tarantino film because
32:57it was great more unpopular opinion maybe you haven't watched this show uh Emma I don't give
33:03a shit what they think that's been firmly established and if you are on reddit at the
33:09moment you can all go f*** yourself I'm going to give four points to Husey because being honest
33:16with your emotions it's a lot uh but I'm going to give five points to Waka because I mean that
33:21was just a bloodthirsty entertaining look at manliness all right slice me up a fresh task please and
33:31lesser Tom sure like Joseph taking his wife to the beach this one's about to get Mary Shelley
33:35Tommy hi Dave how are you oh my god it's good
33:56mm-hmm oopsie dress as Frankenstein then video call someone in your contacts if they allude to
34:07how you're dressed you must end your phone call immediately if you tell them not to mention how
34:12you're dressed you will be disqualified best dress Frankenstein wins all other people will be scored
34:18based on who has the longest video call you have 15 minutes to dress then five minutes to begin your
34:24video call your time starts now all right Frankenstein Frankenstein okay I'm going to go and get
34:30dressed as Frankenstein okay great so a simple one but just to be clear they don't have to mention
34:38that they're Frankenstein no they just cannot talk about their appearance any mention of the
34:41contestants appearance they need to hang up immediately and that's the end of the call and
34:44that's it all right who are we going to see first calling their family it's Tommy and Emma yeah I'm
34:49gonna get some stuff what does Frankenstein look like how long have we got 12 minutes and 18
34:54seconds okay okay I'm ready okay I'm gonna try my little sister I've got an ace up my sleeve my dad
35:06he's pretty blind I think I'm just gonna talk at her okay not let her have a word in oh my god I look so
35:14green are you busy oh my god I have to tell you a story Frankenstein is a frame story written in s
35:24epistolary form set in the 18th century it documents a fictional correspondence between Captain Robert
35:30Walton and his sister Margaret Walton Seville hello Pa how are you yeah I'm pretty good I'm pretty good
35:40after departing from Archangel the ship is trapped is trapped by pack ice on the journey of the
35:46Arctic Ocean named Victor Frankenstein from a drift ice bloat that has destroyed him and recounts the
35:51story of his life's mini-series are you busy no okay great from a young age Victor has a strong
35:58desire to understand the world hey are the mighty pies gonna win tonight well nobody thinks they are I
36:04think he thinks it's a punk honestly it's just a video of his neck well we can we can talk about
36:11something else if you want to you know what now I'm gonna keep reading this to you Victor buries
36:15himself in his experiments to deal with the grief I'm around next weekend you up for brekkie or
36:19something like that this is just a personal call can I hang up soon whatever you want oh thanks for
36:27calling love you miss you and I'll see you um I'll see you next weekend okay we'll do okay bye bye
36:33do you have anything else to say anything to comment on um are you dressed like Frankenstein
36:41oh sorry for swearing he just thought it was a phone call the video was on his ear the whole time
36:50except did you see right at the end he's just seen a green man that he's just been chatting to
36:59with a panicked look on his face I'm just like oh shit he's on to me I reckon that went okay
37:06it felt like a long call surely I'm gonna win this one you made a really good point Tommy let's
37:17just have a look at the moment that Tommy's dad hung up on him it does look like he saw your green face
37:28for the first time oh I still don't think he knows because we had to get a release form to sign and I
37:34thought dad's gonna have some questions about why I filmed his phone call and I said dad can you sign
37:39this and all he said was when am I gonna be on TV but you really lucked on to something because he
37:50answered a video call as an audio call so he wasn't looking at you the whole time now did it feel like
37:55a long phone call it was the longest phone call I've ever had with my dad okay so it took a task for
38:01you to bond with your dad yeah I don't think that's unusual yeah okay well Emma great strategy
38:09you justified your appearance straight away and then you just barreled into a really long story
38:13that your sister didn't want to hear I pulled out the Wikipedia page for Frankenstein and just read
38:18from top to bottom you just kept reading the whole thing just kept barreling through I feel like you've
38:22got the kooky confident sister vibes from the way that she was putting up with you that's I don't
38:28think it's the weirdest phone call we've ever had all right well I feel like we need to know how long
38:33those phone calls went for the longest call Tommy's ever had with his dad five minutes and 57 seconds
38:39Emma's wicky feet on the other hand went for 13 minutes and 26 seconds
38:46all right who's our next cold covered in makeup caller calling their son and their friend
38:54respectively and hopefully also respectfully it's Lisa and Rucker I didn't worry about the bottom half
39:01because I kind of figure that it's kind of but then I'm going to see the bottom half
39:04two questions okay is it be dangerous to put glue to my body skin what's happening in your neck
39:15that's Frankenstein had had the neck cut off it's had to put it back on I'm gonna call my son not my
39:22mom not my mom scary her region my comedian friends hi mate how are you are you good hey I was just
39:35ringing to see is the shower still leaking hello hurry how are you how are you going how are you how's your
39:42geek the Melbourne the Melbourne China time things it wasn't very long was it I didn't say anything
40:09he said why do you look like that of course if he didn't say anything he's the idiot
40:18welcome who did you ring up and hurry hurry June my comedian friends oh he's a comedian yep okay
40:29we're just wanting to show off that you're on taskmaster no he's nice guy and then but
40:34sad result but I'm happy hurry is the normal guy oh so you were relieved that your friend was normal
40:43yeah he didn't ask me that's his problem so Lisa you tried to engage your teenage son with the chat
40:51about a leaky showerhead yeah I thought Oliver would have played ball a little better than he did but
40:56then I think I may have overdone it with the hair if I had just done the face he might have just thought
41:00mum's got a face mask on and he might have kept going I know now it's about getting the balance
41:05right because I don't look great in the morning and I think that that's probably he kind of is used to
41:10seeing a certain decay all right I think we need to look at the times Walker's phone call with his
41:16very normal friend lasted 14 seconds yep but he's normal Lisa's phone call with her very normal son
41:25lasted 13 seconds all right sit back and keep your eyes glued to these advertisements unless you're
41:34Tommy's dad then get up close and put your ear to them back soon
41:37hello welcome back to a collection of carefully arranged pixels and sound waves otherwise known
41:57as taskmaster what's happening our contestants are dressing as Frankenstein and trying to have
42:01the longest video call they can yeah before someone mentions their appearance next up he loves an
42:06energy drink but can he become a monster it's Dave Hughes have you read the book Frankenstein I would
42:13have yeah absolutely I would have but years ago but I know Frankenstein is a monster created by
42:19Dr. Frankenstein oh dress as Frankenstein Frankenstein he's not the monster
42:27Frankenstein's the doctor I've already cracked the code here best dressed Frankenstein wins so I've got to dress
42:36like a doctor all right who are you gonna call what about Andy Lee I'm just gonna talk about stuff yeah
42:49hey buddy how you going where am I I'm just uh just cruising where are you man what are you doing
42:59you're you're gonna have a burger from grill that's cool man what sort of burger you gonna have
43:06what's going on so yeah you're going well the the blues are having a good year aren't they mate so
43:13yeah are you are you with me coming on this new bath
43:17oh pretty good
43:21well I had many predictions about you before this show Husey and one of them was not you being across
43:31classical literature I'm more well read than I look like I am so yeah and that was I'm so you dickheads
43:38I was so impressed that I found out then can I point out that even Emma didn't realize that
43:50Frankenstein described the doctor and she read the entire Wikipedia page
43:53just to be clear so whoever was the best Frankenstein just gets five points we don't
44:04judge them by the length of the phone call that's right that means Husey's on five yes and then one
44:09point goes to Lisa because she had the shortest phone call then we have Waka with two points
44:13Tommy with three Emma with four but Dave Hughes wins the task with five points
44:16all right you little Frankensteins up on the stage for the last task of the show
44:24all right who's doing the honor this time squirt Dave Hughes will read the task
44:33choose an item to place in the vessel to raise the water level once an item has been touched
44:40it must go in the jar if you cause the jar to overflow you are eliminated last person standing
44:49wins Lisa please select an item I'm gonna start off really really conservatively you know just just
44:57to kind of get us going Waka nice okay I'm gonna put Starfishy back home
45:04I'm gonna write my own story are you the doctor or the monster
45:09I'm going with Tommy Little
45:12that's in Dave did you just touch an item you have to put that item in when it's your turn
45:31Dave you must select the poker chips I was hoping one would drop off
45:39it's touching liquid
45:42there we go oh look at that
45:48what's he doing
45:50some of it's touching liquid
45:53no way
45:54it's touching liquid I don't know what I'm doing just going to try this
46:01that was not a ping pong ball that is a ping pong ball filled with concrete
46:16I don't see any overflow
46:23it's in
46:26it's in
46:31it's in
46:36it's in
46:39it's in
46:41it is a weighted ducky
46:46there's overflow Dave Hughes has been eliminated
46:50okay Tommy please select an item
46:54good dog
46:55it's in
46:56it's in
46:57it's in
47:01there's overflow that's dripping
47:15rocker is eliminated
47:19alright that jar is certainly more than half full but I'm optimistic we will find a winner
47:23see you after the break
47:24whoo
47:25welcome back to Taskmaster we've had blokes jokes and things that don't float but we're not done yet
47:42that's right we're in the middle of a live task we're down to the final two the person who overflows this receptacle will be eliminated
47:49Emma please select an item
47:54it's in
47:57oh no it's real cheese
48:01well done
48:02well done
48:03well done
48:04well done
48:05well done
48:06well done
48:07well done
48:08well done
48:09well done
48:10well done
48:11well done
48:12well done
48:13alright mop up the stage so we can mop up the scores and find a winner
48:16alright so how do we hand out the scores there
48:22well Lisa gets one point Dave on two
48:25Waka three
48:26Tommy gets four points but Emma wins the task with five points
48:28okay before we get our episode winner how's the series looking after three episodes
48:35well Lisa, Tommy, Waka and Dave are all bumping shoulders in the pack but a length ahead is Emma on 54 points
48:43so who's the episode winner?
48:48Lisa's in last place with eight points then we've got Waka with 14, Dave with 15, Tommy with 17 but winning a second episode is Emma with 21 points
48:55alright congratulations Emma go up on stage and claim your swanky crap
49:02so what have we learnt?
49:04well Husey taught everyone that Frankenstein is the doctor because incredibly he's read the book
49:10but more importantly he's learning right now that in Murder on the Orient Express style it was all of us who crapped in his dunning
49:17once more well done Emma and well done to all of us for another cracker of an episode
49:25no one ever thinks about what it's like to be a taskmaster when you have to deal with all this shit
49:32no one ever thinks about what it's like to be a taskmaster when you have to deal with all this shit
49:47oh my god
49:54oh my god
49:56just gotta be honest I don't know what the f*** is going on
49:59oh my god
50:00oh my god
50:01oh my god
50:02oh my god
50:04oh my god
50:05oh my god
50:08oh my god
50:10oh my god
50:11oh my god
50:12oh my god
50:13oh my god