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Taskmaster (AU) Season 4 Episode 5
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Transcript
00:00That's a shocking start.
00:10Tom!
00:18Yep, that's it.
00:20Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:30I hate you.
00:34Let me out of here!
00:45Hello, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:47It's the wordy bit at the beginning of the show
00:49where I can say whatever the hell I want
00:51because most of you still haven't unmuted it from the ads yet.
00:54And that's why I'd like to say
00:56that I endorse the consumption of breast milk
00:58well into teenagehood, maybe even adulthood.
01:02Let's start the show.
01:04Jockeying for my golden head trophy
01:06which previous winners have described as
01:08a burden on baggage allowance.
01:10It's Dave Hughes.
01:14Emma Holland.
01:16Lisa McKeown.
01:18Takashi Wakasugi.
01:21And Tommy Little.
01:22Hello!
01:24And next to me it's the guy who told me
01:26he thinks that him and Duke Nukem would be boys.
01:31It's Tom Cashman.
01:36Let's have a prize task please.
01:38That's right, our first task is a prize task.
01:40Each of our contestants have brought in a prize
01:42and the winner of tonight's episode
01:43will take home all five of those prizes.
01:45Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:47what they consider to be the most frustrating thing
01:50to be left on a desert island with.
01:52Alright, Emma, what do you got?
01:54Uh, a train replacement bus.
01:56So train replacement bus, you're on a desert island and there's that.
02:05Yeah, I imagine you're like hungry, like starving, thirsty, angry,
02:09like what is going to make that situation even more frustrating is...
02:12Okay, so it could have also just been a bus.
02:17No, but it's replacing the train.
02:18Oh, okay.
02:21But there is no train because you're on a desert island.
02:24Exactly, that's why the bus is there.
02:25Alright, Tommy, it's my gym membership.
02:35Because I think if all I had was that,
02:37I'd not only be trapped on a desert island,
02:39but every week I'd go, well, that's another $21.
02:44So you're just upset at the inefficiency
02:47and how it's affecting your budget.
02:49But also, I can't do literally anything with it.
02:52Like I've got a fob that gives me access
02:55to over a hundred locations around Australia.
02:59And I'm nowhere near any of it.
03:02Okay, it is pretty frustrating
03:03because you could use a replacement bus as shelter.
03:05Or you could also use it as a bus.
03:08I don't even know why we have to use the bus as other things at this point.
03:12Have you tried to get shelter under a fob?
03:14No, but Tommy, Tommy, you could shove that up your ass quite easily.
03:17How dare you think I haven't already?
03:25Uh, Waka, what about you?
03:27I bought a toilet.
03:29Not toilet.
03:30Airplane toilet.
03:32So you crash in a desert island,
03:35an airplane, and you find a toilet.
03:37And it is good, you know?
03:38Oh, you can use the toilet.
03:39But, airplane toilet, you have to listen the noise.
03:43Oh.
03:53That's frustration, do you think?
03:55To be honest, the noise hasn't really bothered me.
03:57You particularly don't like the noise.
03:59Too strong, do you think?
04:01But that sound is only cause of the vacuum effect
04:04from being at high altitude.
04:05If it's just on a desert island, it will make no noise at all.
04:08It'll just go like this.
04:09So you don't have to worry.
04:11That's another frustration because maybe I might miss the noise.
04:19Alright, okay, Dave.
04:21Yes.
04:22My object of frustration is a video camera
04:25which I purchased about 15 years ago
04:28and I never worked out how to use it.
04:30So I thought I'd bring it in and, uh, yeah.
04:32So that's why it's here.
04:33But you haven't worked out how to use it.
04:37And I reckon the reason why is because you haven't had enough spare time
04:41because you're so busy with your job.
04:42Yeah.
04:43You're on a desert island.
04:44You've got all the time in the world.
04:45I reckon you'd have plenty of time to work it out.
04:47Yeah, I know.
04:48Which would not be frustrating.
04:49It'd be satisfying.
04:50Yeah, but I wouldn't have electricity.
04:51So, uh...
04:52It's got a battery.
04:54Yeah, but I would have forgotten to charge it before I came to the island.
05:01So, Lisa, what would you be frustrated at being left on a desert island with?
05:06A book with very, very small print.
05:09I now need glasses to read books
05:12and I figured without my glasses I'd have a book, I'd have time
05:15and I wouldn't be able to read it.
05:17That's very frustrating.
05:18Really frustrating.
05:19See, what I'm seeing is 150 pages of kindling.
05:23Yeah.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Or toilet paper.
05:26Lisa, I don't want to ask too personal questions, but wouldn't you just go in the water?
05:29I know.
05:30All the time.
05:31You know, like if you're fishing there and you see your floater go...
05:34I mean, there's so many issues with that.
05:36Yeah, but also, if someone rocks up and they find treasure island pages covered in shit,
05:41that's not a great look either.
05:43But you're not going to leave it lying around.
05:44You bury it.
05:45Where are you going to put it?
05:46It's where the treasure comes in.
05:47Alright, well, I'd better hand out some scores.
05:52Well, I think one has to go to Emma straight away, because you've got a whole replacement
05:58bus on the island.
05:59You can drive it, as Tommy pointed out, or you can sort of sleep in it.
06:02Then I'm going to say two points to Waka for the toilet, because again, it can still
06:05be useful and he's not going to be annoyed by that noise.
06:08Then I go three points to Lisa, because it's very frustrating not to be able to read the
06:13book, but still, the pages can have other uses.
06:15A flat video camera is very useless.
06:17Four points to Husey, but a plastic tag that can't be used for anything at all.
06:21Extremely frustrating.
06:22So five points to Tommy Little.
06:23Okay, Tommy, frustrate me with a recorded task, please.
06:32This next task I didn't like at the start, but then I did like it, but then I didn't like
06:36it again at the end.
06:52So scared, always.
06:53Hi, Tom.
06:54Hi, Mum.
06:55Oh, it's so nice in here.
06:57What's this?
06:58It's a ball.
06:59A yellow ball.
07:02Can I open the task?
07:04Yes, please.
07:05All right.
07:08Stress out, Tom.
07:10You have seven minutes.
07:12Your time starts now.
07:22Is that stressful?
07:23Kind of.
07:24No, I think you're too heavy.
07:25I think we're going to have to start whacking your ears.
07:26This is what we need.
07:27Oh, you've got a pocket knife.
07:28Now, the lake is in front of you, so you just go slow.
07:45Yep, that's it.
07:46That's you.
07:47Together.
07:53You're not stressed.
07:55I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
07:57How long do I have?
07:58Three minutes and ten minutes remaining.
07:59All right, go for a run.
08:00Go for a run.
08:01Thomas!
08:09I have one more plan.
08:11Okay.
08:16I'm holding.
08:17Mm-hm.
08:18Do you trust me?
08:19Um, kind of.
08:20On the count of five.
08:21One, two.
08:22Ooh.
08:23Quite substantial.
08:24You ready?
08:25No.
08:26What?
08:27Okay, and...
08:28Oh, my goodness.
08:29So that was the idea.
08:30This is like GTA 4.
08:31Okay, ready?
08:32I'm stressed now.
08:33You're all stressed?
08:34And also, I run out my ideas.
08:35Okay.
08:36So we just keep going.
08:37I'm going.
08:38I'm going.
08:39I'm going.
08:40I'm going.
08:41I'm going.
08:42I'm going.
08:43I'm going.
08:44I'm going.
08:45So we just keep doing.
08:46Okay.
08:4736 seconds.
08:48I'm going to key your car.
08:49It's not my car.
08:50It's a higher car.
08:51I'm going to key the higher car.
08:52Oh, no.
08:53What?
08:54Are you okay?
08:55I'm okay.
08:56I went from tickling to waterboarding.
09:00Are you feeling at all stressed?
09:02Kind of confused.
09:03Okay, drive again.
09:04Hello.
09:05Thumbs up.
09:06Hello.
09:07Thumbs up.
09:08Oh, God.
09:09Oh, don't do that.
09:14Relax, Tom.
09:19Tom's heart rate is being measured.
09:21Biggest difference between stress and relax.
09:24Tom wins.
09:25You have seven minutes.
09:28Your time starts now.
09:35Okay, so Tommy, I thought the job was to stress him out, not to arouse him.
09:41I think tickling is the most stressful, because you can't hit the person because it's seen as a joyous activity.
09:48Yeah.
09:49And so you're laughing, but you're actually choking to get air in.
09:52And when I then moved to waterboarding, I noticed, Cashman, you were actually a lot more comfortable,
09:59because you knew where my hands were, and they were out of tickling distance.
10:03When I started getting waterboarded, my heart rate was 69 BPM, and by the end, 61.
10:14Tommy's tickling got me to 104 BPM.
10:17Oh!
10:19All right, so Lisa, you were thinking it was going to stress him out if he had to drive without being able to see where he could go.
10:24Yeah, originally I wanted to be on the roof, but I wasn't allowed on the roof,
10:27because I thought if that would add danger and that was a little bit too much for my safety.
10:32My peak heart rate during Lisa's was when you were arguing with the director.
10:37Are you serious?
10:40Lisa was adamant that she get on the roof.
10:42And the director and the producer were trying to say, no, during that kind of tension of not knowing what's got,
10:49my heart rate got to 100 BPM.
10:53Emma, you just, it was like you were trying to incite fight or flight, you just chased him.
10:58Yeah, it was such a natural instinct on my part.
11:00You gave me an opportunity to chase him with a baseball bat and I took it.
11:05Well, what did it do to your BPM?
11:06Emma got me to 140 BPM.
11:08Oh!
11:13So Dave got me to 85 BPM.
11:15Lisa got me to 100.
11:16Tommy got me to 104.
11:18Waka got me to 105.
11:19And Emma got me to 140 BPM.
11:25Okay, time for a quick ad break here.
11:27We're not going to do much other than tickle lesser Tom.
11:30Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:46It's our halfway point of the season.
11:48That's right.
11:49And our contestants have just been trying to stress me out.
11:51Little did they know my heartbeat was being measured and now they have to try to relax me.
11:55Biggest drop in my heart rate wins.
11:57Let's see how much they can lower it.
11:58Our contestants face the ultimate challenge, trying to get me to relax.
12:03I think we need to get you lying down.
12:04Okay.
12:05Bro, do you want to jump over and take a seat here?
12:07Okay.
12:08Please lay down.
12:10Oh, thank you.
12:11You just relax in the sunshine.
12:13We've worked some stuff out with your hair and that's, that's, you know what the thing about that, it's fixable Tom.
12:18But what I'm saying, I really want to get that nose hair now.
12:22You walk in to the rental car office, calm knowing that the car is fine.
12:28No, it's okay.
12:29I'm not going to take a seat.
12:30I'm not going to take a seat.
12:31I'm not going to take a seat.
12:32Just lose.
12:34Sorry about that.
12:36About what?
12:37Makes you stress.
12:39Oh.
12:40Now you're free.
12:41I know that this might increase your heart rate and it's poor but maybe I'm going to do it.
12:47I can feel it.
12:48A woman speaks to you at the front desk.
12:50She hands you over a fully working iPad to rate your experience.
12:54There's no apps on there except the one you need.
12:57No apps.
12:58Do you want apps on there?
12:59Yeah.
13:00There is Temple Run on the iPad.
13:02I'll be someone else.
13:03Hang on.
13:04Oh yeah.
13:05Hang on.
13:06Hello.
13:07Is it?
13:08Oh who's that?
13:09Um.
13:10Lady.
13:11Fingers.
13:12Is it your first time here big boy?
13:13Yes it is.
13:14Raindrops.
13:15Beautiful.
13:16You've got lovely skin Tom.
13:18Oh thank you.
13:19It's very nice.
13:20You're redux isn't it?
13:21Uh.
13:22Oh.
13:23It's a bit tickling.
13:24You're so thirsty.
13:26On the count of five.
13:27Oh.
13:30That's not good for that is it?
13:36You said your heart was racing because you've just been waterboarded and tickled.
13:43So let's just forcibly slow that down.
13:47Are you feeling a little bit relaxed?
13:49Like.
13:50I think I'm a bit uncomfortable.
13:52Oh no.
13:53That's not good.
13:54I can see your heart beat.
13:56Do you think?
13:57Hard to see you.
13:58The sun's kind of directly in my eyes.
13:59That's serious again.
14:00Sorry about that.
14:02That's actually quite helpful.
14:04Oh.
14:05Alright.
14:06Don't move.
14:07Don't move.
14:08If you move.
14:09Okay.
14:10We need to work on your personal grooming.
14:13It's too late for me.
14:14Yeah.
14:15My horse has bolted.
14:16And you know I give happy endings and there's nothing more happy than.
14:19A little tickle.
14:20A little tickle.
14:21A little tickle.
14:22A little tickle.
14:23A little tickle.
14:24A little tickle.
14:25Is that it?
14:26Mm-hmm.
14:27Did you have a light snap?
14:28It's quite an uncomfortable position actually.
14:30Well you could have told me that.
14:34I felt like a lot of you started well and then you sabotaged yourselves a little bit.
14:41Like Waka you were getting lesser time to be very relaxed.
14:44Yeah.
14:45But then you started to massage him and it kind of made it worse.
14:48Massage is good.
14:49Relax.
14:50But it just.
14:51You called me sensitive.
14:52I think the correct word is traumatised.
14:54So Hughes, you used that well known relaxing technique of holding pliers very close to someone's
15:01face.
15:02Yeah.
15:03I lost focus on the task at hand and was more focused on making you a better person.
15:08And I really gripped hard on those nose hairs and they came out and it was satisfying
15:13for me.
15:14Was it satisfying for you?
15:15Satisfying?
15:16Yeah.
15:17But when you.
15:18We all know.
15:19When you pull a nose hair out it hurts and your eyes water but afterwards there's a
15:23ahhh.
15:24I felt the first two.
15:26So Emma what was your approach?
15:28I think it was like a meditation.
15:30It was a meditation but also a bit of a role play.
15:33I'd prefer if you didn't call it that.
15:35Well actually I think you hit upon something that was very effective that no one else thought
15:42up.
15:43You left him alone.
15:44That's right.
15:45I did.
15:46I think I asked you at one point would it be better if I left and you said yes.
15:49Okay.
15:50Well I feel like we need to find out your heart rate.
15:52That's right.
15:53And I'm going to give you the difference between the stress and the relaxed times.
15:57Dave's reduction was 19 BPM.
15:59Unsurprising seeing he just kept pulling hairs out of my head.
16:02Tommy aka Ladyfingers got my heart rate down 29 BPM.
16:07Lisa reduced it 31 with her unsettling massage.
16:10Waka's reduction was 41 BPM but Emma with her genius method of just leaving me be reduced
16:15at 63 beats per minute.
16:17So that means one point goes to Dave, two to Tommy, three to Lisa, four to Waka but Emma
16:25wins the task with five points.
16:27I'll also give you an idea of the episode scores.
16:32It's incredibly tight but Tommy is in the lead with seven points.
16:35And what about our series score as we near the halfway point of our season?
16:41Well we've got Dave and Lisa at the back on 54 points a piece but Emma is in the lead
16:46with 73 points at the moment.
16:48We're going back to a time when puberty was all the rage.
17:10Hi Tom.
17:11Hi Lisa.
17:12This is iPod here.
17:13It's a bit old iPod.
17:14Ooh!
17:15iPod.
17:16I'm familiar with what's in front of me.
17:23This is the piece of technology which lied to us more than anything else in history.
17:27It claimed to have something called anti-skip technology and it did not work and you had
17:33to sit if you're on public transport and you yourself had to be the gyroscope.
17:37I have two questions to ask you.
17:39What was your favourite slang word when you were 13?
17:41Grouse.
17:43Probably cool.
17:44Chilax.
17:45Was a...
17:46KY.
17:47It means you cannot read air.
17:50What was your favourite musical genre when you were 13 years old?
17:53Music theatre and Spandau Ballet.
17:55Simon and Garfunkel.
17:56Folk rock.
17:57Hip-hop.
17:58Rock and roll. Indie rock.
17:59New metal in Linkin Park.
18:01Don't do this to me.
18:03Yeah, okay.
18:05Write a song for your 13-year-old self.
18:09Your song must incorporate your just-stated slang word.
18:13Musical genre.
18:15Song that reveals most about your 13-year-old self wins.
18:19You have 45 minutes.
18:21Your time starts now.
18:23What were you like when you were 13?
18:25That was kind of like discovering boys.
18:28I was the school captain.
18:29Now I think about it, I may have been a narcissist.
18:33I was pimply and awkward.
18:36And greasy.
18:37Every night my mum would get me bored.
18:39Which never failed to improve my mood.
18:42Drama standard can be anything.
18:44It's the most lowest.
18:46Drums are the worst instrument.
18:47Yeah.
18:48Are you aware that the Taskmaster plays drums?
18:50Tom Goodison?
18:51Sorry about that.
19:00So, we've got to get to the bottom of a waka.
19:03K-ky.
19:04K means kuki.
19:05Kuki means air.
19:06And then y is yomenai.
19:08Means cannot read.
19:09Cannot read air or situation.
19:11So like can't read the room?
19:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:14Oh, so someone just walks into a room, pisses everyone off.
19:16Yeah.
19:17I believe he's KY.
19:18So like Josh Thomas?
19:19Maybe.
19:20Well, yeah, I just wanted to help people at home understand.
19:25I love that he's not here and he's still your least favourite.
19:31Alright, it's always exciting to see if we've got any musical talent amongst our bunch.
19:37Any early hints, Lesser Tom?
19:39Um, I couldn't possibly say.
19:41First up, we're going back to 2008 singing about what's up in the genre of nu metal.
19:46It's Emma Holland.
19:47Wait, I don't want to watch this.
19:56Been in 2008 and my parents enrolled me in an equestrian course.
20:00I didn't really like it and every girl there eventually got kicked by a horse.
20:05Not me though.
20:06I wore Crocs to school every day.
20:08And I never washed them and they smelled bad.
20:11So I put spray deodorant in the soles and I thought that made me really rad.
20:16I had blue streaks in my hair.
20:18Global warming made me scared.
20:21I had not hit puberty.
20:23America did not vote for Mitt Romney.
20:262008.
20:27What a year.
20:28The Olympics were in Beijing.
20:31So I'd like to say what's up to those involved in the anti-doping operational stings.
20:362008.
20:37What a year.
20:38The Olympics were in Beijing.
20:41And I was too dead inside to watch them but I'm sure the results were really thrilling.
20:46What's that?
20:47I truly believe there is nothing worse in this world than being cringe and I include domestic
21:01terrorism in that.
21:03Okay.
21:04Was that an easy watch Emma for you?
21:06That was the hardest moment of my life.
21:08So just to be clear, as talented as you seem to be musically, it doesn't really matter.
21:16What we're looking for is who reveals the most about their 13 year old self.
21:20Most revealed about your 13 year old self wins.
21:23So we're kind of actually looking for revelations.
21:25Just first up, 2008.
21:26Mitt Romney didn't win because he wasn't on the ticket.
21:29I know.
21:30I know.
21:31It was Barack Obama versus John McCain.
21:33So that wasn't really a revelation.
21:34That was a distortion of the truth.
21:35I know.
21:36I realised 10 minutes after I recorded it and I knew you'd bring it up and I was going
21:39to prepare something to say and I didn't.
21:42Yeah.
21:43A bit like Mitt Romney in the debate.
21:45I need to know more about this.
21:47Every girl I know was kicked by a horse.
21:49Yeah.
21:50Every girl I knew at horse riding got kicked at some point.
21:53So what were they?
21:54Were they supposed to walk close to the horse when you walked behind it?
21:56Yeah.
21:57And I think they were just being bitches.
21:58So everyone you knew got kicked by a horse and deserved it.
22:01Yeah.
22:02Alright.
22:03So whose sing song are we getting next?
22:08This next fella is about to go acapella singing about KY in the style of indie rock.
22:13It's Takashi Wakasugi.
22:14You think you are smart?
22:15No.
22:16No.
22:17You think you are perfect?
22:18No.
22:19No.
22:20You think you are popular?
22:21No.
22:22No.
22:23You think you are different?
22:24No.
22:25No.
22:26But you grow.
22:27But you change.
22:29This world is bigger than you think.
22:30You are the KY.
22:31You are the KY.
22:32You are the KY.
22:33You are the KY.
22:34You are the KY.
22:36you don't know.
22:37You are the KY.
22:41But you change
22:43This world is bigger than you think
22:48You are the KY
22:53You are the KY
22:55You are the KY
22:57You don't know
22:58You are the KY
23:00You are the KY
23:01You are the KY
23:03You will know
23:11So drums
23:15They are not so easy are they
23:16So sorry about that
23:17I respect you now more than anything
23:19I am very bad at music
23:22But that was a good song do you think
23:25Oh yeah I like
23:26You definitely got the KY bit in
23:28Can I ask do they have KY lube in Japan
23:31No
23:32Oh well it is off Hughesy's holiday list
23:41Okay so you certainly mentioned KY
23:43You were being a bit KY deliberately
23:45But I didn't really reveal that much
23:47Not heaps
23:48Alright time for an ad break
23:49Now don't spend the whole time
23:51Going on about how great you are
23:52And how good you would have been at the task
23:54There's no need to be all KY about it
23:55See you soon
23:56Hello welcome back to the show
24:12Where we've been having a good old fashioned sing along
24:14That's right dude
24:15Um sorry
24:17Our contestants have been singing songs
24:20That reveal the most about their 13 year old selves
24:22So far we've learnt that Emma has an equine background
24:24And Waka was 13 once
24:26Next up in the style of the band Spandau Ballet
24:31From when it was cool to be cool
24:32Here's Lisa McKeown
24:34Chasing butterflies
24:50And watching clouds go by
24:57Even though I had a sty I noticed you
25:04It was in an outdoor head that day
25:08When I looked at you that way
25:14And you sent me off my head
25:21And this is what I said
25:24Hold my hand please
25:27No need to be at ease
25:33I'm a fool who's trying to be cool
25:40Hold my hand please
25:44Chasing butterflies
25:55It's a beautiful image of a young Lisa McKeown I felt
25:58I had a really simple, lovely, you know, teenage years
26:02It was really lovely
26:04When did you smoke your first cigarette?
26:0615
26:06Oh, and was that the same for having a drink?
26:08Oh, I think I probably was about nine
26:11But like, yeah, only because you could have
26:13Put that in the sock
26:15But also kids
26:16You want to be successful
26:18Start drinking at nine
26:19No, but like not a can of beer or glass
26:22But it was just a sip
26:23You know, something, you know
26:24Did you ever get in a scrag fight?
26:25No, no, I didn't
26:26But there used to be
26:27My house was opposite the park
26:29Where all the fights were
26:30So I used to take the injured back to my place
26:32To the laundry
26:33And clean them up
26:33Yeah
26:34And she drove them back when she was 11
26:36But I must admit
26:39You know, I would like to thank you
26:41Because you've got a background in musical theatre
26:42So it's just good to relax
26:43While watching your clip
26:45Because compared to the others
26:47It was bloody beautiful
26:49Thanks, Tom
26:50Okay, so let's hear another tune
26:52Get ready to un-relax, everyone
26:54Singing about grouse
26:58In the style of folk rock
26:59Here's Dave Hughes
27:00I lived in a humble house
27:08That I didn't think was grouse
27:13My dad said it was the best place on earth
27:17But I didn't know the worth
27:22Every night my mum always made me poor
27:26They would never fail to improve my mood
27:31She'd send me the shots with ciggies and pads
27:36I'd come back with jubes and fads
27:40At Crickhouse wanted to be the hero
27:45But I always end up going out for zero
27:49Walking off and I'd quack like a duck
27:53I realise I shouldn't have given a fuck
27:58Because now I know the duck was golden
28:03And I know the house was grouse
28:07The house was grouse
28:11Wow
28:13Wow
28:15How does it feel to watch that?
28:32Yeah, I'm really proud of that work
28:33He leaned over to me as it was starting
28:37And went, I got this
28:38Well, to be fair
28:43It's got nothing to do with musical quality
28:44It's just about how much you reveal
28:46And in your comedy
28:47You're constantly revealing so many truths
28:49Intimate truths about yourself
28:51So I feel like this was right up your alley
28:52It was right up my alley
28:54And I grew up in a humble house
28:56Which I didn't think was grouse
28:57But then eventually I realised
28:59It was grouse
29:00And I'm going to cry
29:02So was there a story in there?
29:05Sorry, because I tuned out a bit in the middle
29:06How would you describe the mud the pud put you in?
29:13It was a good mud
29:15OK, so, I mean, it revealed heaps
29:18Which is great
29:19And grouse got a mention
29:20I mean, it's a pretty good result
29:22OK, in case someone's still watching
29:24Do we have another?
29:28Having a chillax in the genre of hip-hop music
29:31It's Tommy Little
29:31I'm a greasy kid
29:40Greasy kid
29:41I'm a greasy kid
29:43Greasy kid
29:44I'm a greasy kid
29:45Just a greasy kid
29:46I'm a greasy kid
29:48Pimples on my face
29:50And braces in their face
29:51Hair was greasy
29:53So school wasn't easy
29:54I'm 13 with no control of my cops
29:56And next year
29:57I'm getting dreadlocks
29:59Sex
29:59Well, I've had none
30:01But that doesn't mean that I haven't come
30:04Cause in my pants is where I climax
30:06Everybody said, yo, chillax
30:09Sitting on the bus
30:10And you're all alone
30:11Or all by yourself
30:13Except for your boner
30:14I'm a greasy kid
30:18With come in his pants
30:19I'm a greasy kid
30:20And guess what?
30:22I'm you
30:25And you're me
30:28And I'm Al
30:32Tommy, I feel like you poured a lot of self-loathing into that
30:42Yeah
30:44I really thought at the end of that
30:46When I did it live
30:47I'm like, that was pretty good
30:48Well, I must say though
30:50It was good to see you being back on brand again
30:52With the lyrics
30:53Sitting on a bus
30:53And you're all alone
30:54Are all by yourself
30:55Except for your boner
30:57I mean
30:58It's the Tommy we've come to know and love
31:01I feel like you actually revealed a lot though
31:04I was pretty pleased with that
31:05It was a lot of revelation
31:07I guess I've got to give out some scores
31:08Yes
31:08This is big
31:09Husey really wants to know
31:11Alright, because again
31:13Music doesn't really matter
31:14So I'm going to give
31:15Well, it would have been nice if
31:16Yep
31:16Anyway
31:17I agree
31:19It would have been nice if people at home were entertained
31:22But I
31:24I mean
31:25It would have been helpful
31:26Just for our careers generally
31:28So I'm going to give one to Waka
31:31Because I didn't really learn much at all
31:32Okay
31:33Two to Lisa McKeown
31:34We did learn that she used to like chasing butterflies
31:36Three points to Tommy Little
31:38Because we learned it was a greasy kid
31:40And a few other awkward bits and pieces
31:41We learned heaps about Emma
31:43Four points to Emma
31:44But the most we learned about
31:46In what was arguably the worst song
31:48Was Husey
31:50With five points
31:51Okay
31:56Time now for an ad break
31:58Go and have a quick pud
31:59You never know
32:00It might improve your mood
32:01That's it
32:02Welcome back to Taskmaster
32:17Where our comedians are playing for an airplane toilet
32:20And if they're lucky enough
32:22The right to never hear Dave Hughes sing again
32:24Find a way to segue to another task please
32:27Lesser Tom
32:28Here's a task that if you had a segue
32:31You could use it to ride to the shops
32:33And buy some mugs
32:37Which is crazy
32:37Because this task is about mugs
32:39Tom Tom
32:56How are you?
32:58I'm well
32:58Five
32:59Something
33:00Four
33:01Three
33:02Two
33:04One
33:05Get the mugs into the bath
33:19At the top of the path
33:21You may only take 75 steps
33:23You must be on the path the whole time
33:25Most unbroken mugs
33:27Gotten into the bath
33:29Wins
33:30You have 13 minutes
33:32Your time starts
33:34No
33:35Okay sounds kind of simple
33:40They've just got to get the mugs
33:42Into the bath
33:43Most mugs into the bath
33:44Only unbroken mugs count
33:45Okay I reckon we just get into some mugs in baths then
33:48First up he's got world's greatest dad written on a mug
33:51And world's greatest mug written on his dad
33:53It's Dave Hughes
33:54Oh God
33:56Is that two steps?
34:25That's two yep
34:25How far do you reckon I've gone?
34:37That's not a good
34:38I reckon
34:39Cheap as that
34:41What?
34:42I've lost almost all of them already
34:44And I've gone
34:45Four metres maybe
34:47I don't need this anymore
34:48I've just realised
34:49That's a shocking start
34:52I may tear one of my short hamstrings
35:00This is easy man
35:02Oh God
35:04I can just go like this can't I?
35:06Let's put them in there
35:07That's right
35:08Seven
35:14Never give up
35:16Okay
35:16Husey if that task was a song
35:25It would sound like the song you just did before
35:28Yeah but I won that task
35:31So maybe I'll win this one
35:33Within a minute Dave had broken 71% of the mug
35:37Yeah I feel like it was a shit effort
35:40Followed by a shit quote which would be put on the side of a shit mug
35:44One thing you did nail is counting the mugs
35:47Husey transported seven mugs successfully to the bar
35:50All right who's next?
35:54Next leading us down the garden path is Lisa and Tommy
35:56Oh yes
35:58It's so easy bro
36:05I'm just going to tape them to myself Tom
36:07Oh okay
36:07Yeah
36:08This is good
36:14Whoa
36:16This is really good bro
36:20You know how you do some stuff and you're not that proud?
36:23This is not one of them
36:248 minutes and 14 seconds
36:30I'm going to have to leave this behind
36:31It's time to start getting really serious
36:34Okay you ready?
36:403
36:414
36:425
36:436
36:44Oh she's breaking up
36:56I'm the smartest man I like
37:04Gently gently gently
37:06Oh my god
37:12How do you feel?
37:13Like a genius?
37:13I've done something wrong haven't I?
37:16Like what?
37:17Like I don't know
37:18It's the paranoia setting in
37:20Oh cute mum
37:26So Lisa you did a great job carrying all those cups and mugs
37:30Is that because as an actor you've had to do a lot of hospo?
37:33No
37:33I avoided that mostly which is good
37:36But um
37:37Yeah take that other actors
37:39But I'm happy
37:41I was really happy with the outcome of my mugs
37:43But hang on
37:44You used the mat that you were standing on
37:46I mean is that legal?
37:47What?
37:49Dave
37:49Don't
37:50That's so unfair
37:51Stay in your lane you fucking snitch
37:53Thanks Tommy
37:55Snitchy poo's back
37:57Oh mate this needs to be perfect
37:59Is it legal?
38:01Using the map was in accordance with the task
38:03It was also legal
38:04Thank you
38:05Yeah so I mean
38:07I feel like that's not the first time you've had to strap stuff to yourself
38:11You were so quick to do it
38:15I feel like you've done it before
38:16Yeah
38:16I used to take pints from pubs
38:19Like if we
38:19If we were leaving the pub to go to another pub
38:22I used to put a full pint in my pocket
38:24You could go out without spilling beer all down your jeans
38:27Yeah
38:27Yeah
38:27I should explain it to you Husey
38:29Because you don't drink
38:30By that stage
38:31After you've had a few drinks
38:32You don't give a shit anymore
38:33If anything the beer washes the piss away
38:37Right so give us the stats
38:44It's perhaps a bit of a testament to the confidence gap between the genders
38:47Tommy the smartest man alive little
38:49Got 29 mugs successfully in the bath
38:51Lisa I've done something wrong haven't I McKeown
38:53Got 30 out of 30
38:54There it is
38:57Okay on the topic of mugs and breaks
39:00Keep yours fixed on the telly as we take one
39:02We'll be back shortly
39:14Hello welcome back to the televisual show formerly known as Taskmaster
39:21Which is still known as Taskmaster
39:24That's right currently our contestants are trying to get as many unbroken mugs into the bath
39:29Along the garden path
39:30The final two mugging for the camera are Emma and Waka
39:32And I can use any of these
39:34If you like
39:36I need a tape
39:37And I don't know what's that one
39:40Is it one step?
39:45What is this?
39:48Tom's mug
39:49I'll take the steps so you don't have to
39:52What?
39:55So you can carry my mags to the bath?
39:58If you ask me in the right way
39:59I'm worried if I use any of that
40:03Something bad's gonna happen
40:06I won't ask you to help
40:07You won't?
40:08No
40:08Okay
40:09With this face you lying
40:11I just I don't trust this system
40:13These are gonna be heavy
40:17Wait wait wait
40:19I can use this
40:21Like I just put mugs here
40:24And then walk together
40:26Okay where do I start from?
40:29Here?
40:30You've already started
40:31I've already started?
40:32From where?
40:33Where you at?
40:34Like including up there and back
40:35Yep
40:36Tom!
40:37How many do I have left?
40:39You've taken 23 steps
40:50Why?
40:51There's no way
40:54With the bath there?
40:55You've got 12 steps left
40:56With the bath?
40:57Five steps remaining
40:58I'm not gonna make it
41:00Two more
41:03It's impossible
41:04One step left
41:06Now what?
41:09You've got 6 minutes and 10 seconds
41:11To do what?
41:1224 seconds
41:13I'm so annoyed because this seemed like such a good technique and I've come all this way
41:18There's just nothing I can really do is there?
41:20Tom can you carry the cup to the bath please?
41:25Oh please okay
41:26Hold it 10 seconds
41:27Please
41:28Please
41:29Thank you
41:30Be careful
41:31Kindly
41:32Gently
41:33You did
41:34I should trust your poster
41:35This has made me so sad
41:36I could have made it I reckon
41:37That's
41:38Ah!
41:39You're a great person
41:40I should trust
41:41Thank you
41:42Bye Thomas
41:43Thanks Emma
41:44Oh
41:53Oh
41:54Aww
42:08Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Hughesy's was not the worst.
42:16That's unbelievable.
42:17I mean, this is fascinating.
42:18Really, it all came down to trust.
42:20So you were the only two to pull up the banner, but also both of you made the mistake of just
42:24not pulling the poster up all the way so you could read the part at the bottom.
42:28I just saw his face.
42:29I don't want to.
42:30But then when you did ask him to help, you were just polite.
42:34And that was just luck.
42:35There's no steps there.
42:36So I can't do anything.
42:37And they just ask him.
42:39Yeah.
42:39So are you saying that when you got to the end of your steps and you had nothing to lose,
42:43you thought you might as well just ask?
42:45Yeah.
42:46Whereas Emma, what the fuck?
42:52Emma stood there for the whole six minutes.
42:56I'm watching that back.
42:57I'm like, oh, that poor girl is really, really stupid.
43:01Okay.
43:02So it all just comes down to the number of mugs.
43:05That's right.
43:05Waka managed 11 mugs due to his last minute politeness.
43:09Emma, like the world's shittiest dad, zero mugs.
43:13That means Emma gets one point.
43:14Dave gets two.
43:15Waka gets three.
43:16Tommy gets four.
43:17But Lisa wins the task with five points.
43:18Guys, that's awesome.
43:20Okay.
43:21In terms of scores for the episode, it's a tight one with Waka at the bottom on 10 points.
43:26Tommy only four ahead in the lead currently on 14 points.
43:29Okay, take those mugs and the rest of your persons up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
43:38All right, teams are back, so we've got the aged team and the better team.
43:47Who's reading the task, Cashboy?
43:49The team of three, a.k.a. the better team.
43:51Ride for exactly 111 metres while sketching a sketchy sketch.
43:57One of your teammates must be riding.
43:59All others must be sketching.
44:01You may only sketch whilst pedals are in motion.
44:05Closest to 111 metres road wins.
44:09However, if your sketch is deemed least sketchy, your difference from 111 metres will be doubled.
44:16You have 180 seconds.
44:18You're going to decide something to draw?
44:23Okay, A team, who will be riding the bike?
44:26I will ride the bike.
44:27B team, who will be riding the bike?
44:29Si, senor.
44:30Fantastic.
44:31Your time starts now.
44:33Can you actually, like, sometimes you might have to go a little bit slower, Dave.
44:36Are you guys ready?
44:37Yep.
44:37One, oh, two.
44:39That's nice.
44:40Yep, just hold on.
44:41That is...
44:42Go a little bit slower.
44:44Can you slow down a little bit?
44:45I'm going as slow as I can.
44:46Yep.
44:47Oh, my God.
44:47How many spins is it done?
44:49I've lost count and I didn't know what it was meant to be anyway.
44:52We're going way over, man.
44:53You're spinning pretty hard there.
44:55Maybe you focus on your spinning, bro.
44:58You've got to keep moving.
45:00You've got to keep moving.
45:00I am!
45:01Disqualify them!
45:02Shut up!
45:04Two minutes, I...
45:04Oh, Scheichenhausen.
45:06Keep riding, Dave.
45:07Way over, man.
45:07What do you mean I'm way over?
45:09You're way over.
45:09Have you seen how slow I'm riding?
45:11Dave, I don't think you're even interested in the hell that I'm going through here.
45:14You haven't asked me once.
45:17You know you've got this.
45:19You won four gold, Logies, for a reason.
45:21For a little bit.
45:21This is just so shit.
45:23Hang on, he's spinning like a top.
45:25I thought I needed some more mileage.
45:27Keep going, mate.
45:28There's someone chasing you.
45:3030 seconds.
45:31Can you slow down?
45:33Can you slow down?
45:33Do you have time for slow down?
45:34I'm not moving.
45:35He's not moving.
45:36Come on, Lisa.
45:38Because I'm just trying to...
45:39Come on, Lisa.
45:40Four.
45:41I think that's...
45:41You can do it.
45:42It's the best we can do.
45:43One.
45:44Oh, my God.
45:45Yes!
45:47Oh, my God.
45:50We won.
45:52All right.
45:52Just when a few cyclists have looked at the TV and thought,
45:55finally, someone's taking us seriously,
45:58we'll be back to look at the portraits after the break.
46:01Welcome back to Taskmaster.
46:16What's going on, Cashman?
46:17Our contestants have just done a live task
46:19where our teams sent someone for a ride on a bike
46:21of exactly 111 metres,
46:23and whilst they did so,
46:24the rest of their team sketched a sketchy sketch
46:25on a canvas attached to the back of the bike's wheel.
46:28Simple stuff.
46:29Before I reveal the distances
46:31and how close they got to 111 metres,
46:33you need to judge whose sketch was the sketchiest.
46:36Can we see the sketches?
46:37All right.
46:38That's the better team?
46:39B team, better team.
46:41In this case may not be better.
46:42It's upside down.
46:43Oh.
46:46Really?
46:47It feels like...
46:47It looks pretty symmetric in both axes.
46:50No, it's upside down.
46:51Really?
46:52I think that will be the end of what you say about it.
46:54You're silencing a woman?
46:55Yes.
46:55I'm thinking maybe it's a record player.
47:00Let's see the next sketch.
47:04Oh, dear.
47:07It says down the bottom, where's Lance?
47:08I'm guessing Lance Armstrong.
47:10Maybe it's a tour de France.
47:11I feel like the inspiration was right in front of Lisa,
47:13which was the bike.
47:14So I think there are bicycles all over there.
47:16Oh, my God.
47:17And Lance Armstrong was very sketchy.
47:19Out of the two of them...
47:20Yes.
47:20I think Lance Armstrong is far more sketchy.
47:23Oh, my God.
47:26The A team said they were sketching Lance Armstrong
47:28injecting steroids whilst riding a bike.
47:31OK.
47:32The B team said they were going to draw
47:34the earth holding a knife.
47:37Gee, the eyes.
47:40It has, like, a sketchy look.
47:41That's, like, a smile and two eyes,
47:42and then he's got a little arm with the knife coming in.
47:45OK.
47:45He's really upset about global warming.
47:47OK, so what scores do we allocate?
47:50Well, it came down to who had the sketchiest drawing.
47:54So Dave and Lisa rode 76 metres.
47:57That's 35 metres short of 111, which was your target.
48:01The B team rode 175.2 metres.
48:06That's 64 metres over 111.
48:09Yes!
48:09But then after the doubling, you were 128 metres away.
48:14Not bad.
48:14So the A team wins.
48:17Yeah!
48:19OK.
48:22OK, so to allocate points, I think I'll go 5-5, 2-2-2.
48:26OK.
48:29OK.
48:30And who is our winner of the episode?
48:32Wika was in last place with 12 points,
48:33and we had Emma with 13, Tommy with 16, Dave with 17,
48:37but Lisa wins the episode with 18 points.
48:39I'm so genuinely shocked.
48:42I'm genuinely shocked.
48:43Congrats, Lisa.
48:44Get up on stage and claim your frustrating Desert Island stuff.
48:49Well then, what have we learned?
48:51Hughesy taught us he had a grouse house.
48:54And right now, Tom's learning that it's tickle time.
48:57Oh!
48:58See you next week.
49:04Good night!
49:04Well, why don't you shake it all about for us?
49:24You suck, and I hate your outfit.
49:26No!
49:26No!
49:27Ah!
49:27Ah!
49:28Ah!
49:28Ah!
49:29Ah!
49:29Let's go!
49:30I can't believe I'm saying this,
49:32but watching 253-year-olds do Gangnam Style
49:34was the least awkward bit.
49:36non- benefits.
49:42See you next week!
49:42After I do it,
49:43it's gone!
49:44You are a feel of your spirit.
49:45You have seen the grown of people.
49:47You're a !
49:48That's a theme.
49:49Assissioned by...
49:52Man.
49:53You said...
49:54We joined...
49:55We All talking in the new world.
49:56...
49:57We have a great family.
49:58We have a great family thing.
50:00That's a big family thing!
50:01Your spirit can't be scared!