Malcolm In The Middle Season 5 Episode 11 Ida's Boyfriend
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00:00Oh
00:03You've got me again
00:09BAM you really nailed me
00:15He looked like he's enjoying it
00:20Yes, no, maybe
00:24I don't know
00:26Can you repeat the question?
00:30You're not the boss of me now
00:32You're not the boss of me now
00:34You're not the boss of me now
00:36You're not the boss of me now
00:38And you're not so big
00:40You're not the boss of me now
00:44You're not the boss of me now
00:46You're not the boss of me now
00:48And you're not so big
00:52Life is unfair.
01:01Morning.
01:05What are you hiding?
01:07What are you talking about?
01:08Stop wasting my time.
01:10I can smell the guilt from here.
01:12You know, if you fess up now, I might go easy on you.
01:14You can't just pretend to know something hoping I'll blurt out a confession.
01:19I'm not hiding anything.
01:22Okay, I'm hiding something.
01:26Cool, huh?
01:27If I hide it from my parents for a month until it heals,
01:30then I can take it out and put it back anytime I want.
01:34And you know why I did this?
01:36Me neither.
01:40Hey, that's really neat.
01:42Thanks.
01:43It's the USS Constitution.
01:46In 1803, it sailed all...
01:47Type noone!
01:49I can't believe you did that!
01:52How about now?
01:54You idiotic!
01:56I hate you!
01:57I wish you weren't my brother!
01:59I wish you never existed!
02:06Wow.
02:08How did that happen?
02:10What?
02:11It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
02:14What is?
02:14I wished as hard as I could, and Rhys completely disappeared!
02:20Yeah, yeah.
02:21Very funny.
02:21Oh.
02:23The smell is gone, too.
02:25I wonder if it works on other things.
02:29Nah.
02:29If this were gone, I'd miss it.
02:31You have your father's breast.
02:46For God's sake, Mother, what are you doing here?
02:49A simple hello is asking too much.
02:52I'm sorry.
02:53You scared the living daylights out of me.
02:56I have news.
02:57Look, if Susan kicked you out, it doesn't mean you can stay here, because we just don't
03:01have the room.
03:03Not with a new baby and all.
03:05Oh, yes.
03:05Another precious baby.
03:07You wouldn't want your welfare checks to dry up.
03:11I'm not moving in.
03:12I'm getting married.
03:14What?
03:14His name is Mr. Lee.
03:19I met him on my Alaska cruise.
03:21We're getting married tomorrow.
03:24You're getting married tomorrow?
03:27At my age, if he has his teeth and is good in bed, why wait?
03:32Oh, I forgot.
03:34This one doesn't like girls.
03:37Grandma, I'm not gay.
03:39That's right.
03:39I'm just a liar.
03:41You'll be giving the rehearsal dinner here tonight.
03:44Tonight?
03:45Is Susan coming?
03:47No.
03:48Maybe next time your sister will think twice before she yells the answer to Wheel of Fortune.
03:53Give someone else a chance.
03:55Weddings at two tomorrow.
03:57Don't be late.
03:58We have a six o'clock flight to Hong Kong.
04:00You're going to Hong Kong?
04:02Yes, he has a house there.
04:03That's where we're going to live.
04:05You're moving to China?
04:07I know.
04:08Chickens in the streets.
04:09Children in the sweatshops.
04:11Everyone smokes.
04:12It's a dream come true.
04:15It's just so sudden.
04:18I understand.
04:19It is hard for you.
04:21I know how much you loved your father.
04:25Yes, that's probably it.
04:27Can you believe this?
04:33She'll be almost exactly on the other side of the earth.
04:37We'll be separated from her by the entire molten core of a planet.
04:41It's like Christmas.
04:43I've done something wonderful for the hotel.
04:50I hired an acting troupe to stage a murder mystery weekend.
04:59Oh, dear God.
05:00The best part is the actors will be shaking in as regular guests.
05:05They could be among us right now, and we would never know it.
05:10Ahem.
05:10Attention, please.
05:13A room for Sir Reginald Drake and his vengeful alcoholic wife, Evelyn.
05:20I don't have any clean socks, Dewey.
05:26Why don't you ask Reese?
05:28Who?
05:28Here, Dewey.
05:29Put this on the table.
05:31Who's that?
05:33Reese, for God's sake, pick that up.
05:35Oh, great.
05:37Honey, don't worry.
05:38Everything's going to be fine.
05:40Just relax, and let's have a nice dinner.
05:44It is quite a catch!
05:45Hi, I'm Lois.
05:49This is Hal.
05:50Welcome to our home.
05:51Hello.
05:52Nice to meet you all.
05:54Get your coat.
05:54Stay away from me.
05:56Ooh, strong and independent.
05:58Yet not so independent that she won't be a fully participating partner in your marriage.
06:02Shut up, you're blittering like an idiot.
06:05And delightfully honest.
06:07How can you be so callous, Cedric?
06:11I told you never to speak of that.
06:16Now quit these pointless hysterics, and come to dinner!
06:23You'd best watch your step, Cedric.
06:27An old English hunting lodge can be a very dangerous place.
06:34Please, can't you get these morons out of here?
06:37I know.
06:37I'm very sorry.
06:38Just try to ignore them.
06:41Alas!
06:44I am slain!
06:46Utterly slain!
06:48Who would have guessed that I would have been murdered by none other than...
06:55That's it.
07:05We're checking out.
07:05No.
07:07Please, wait!
07:08Otto, you have to stop this.
07:12It's ruining everyone's time.
07:14Francis, try to be more understanding.
07:17They may be a little under-rehearsed, but they're working with us.
07:21They were completely open to cutting the musical numbers.
07:25Our guests are leaving in droves.
07:27We lost 12 in the last hour alone.
07:30I am not a big-game hunter.
07:35I am actually a police inspector.
07:41Specialty murder.
07:44Sir, I must insist that no one leave the room!
07:49Angela, I know things didn't go so well the last time, but I'm ready to try this again.
07:54Yes, Warren.
07:56Yes.
07:57We'll start our questioning with you, sir.
07:59If you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear.
08:05If you struggle, let alone make a purse for you.
08:08Angela!
08:08Maybe I shouldn't have given him all the keys to the guest rooms.
08:13Angela!
08:13Dinner's going okay so far.
08:25Mr. Lee seems nice.
08:27But my tongue is killing me.
08:30No one told me that putting a metal spike through it would be so uncomfortable.
08:34So, you two lovebirds met on a cruise.
08:37What was that like?
08:38What is this, to our degree?
08:41People meet.
08:42Happens every day.
08:43It's an interesting story.
08:46The woman I dined with the first night was confined to sickbay after she fell overboard.
08:55We had rough seas.
08:58But as often happens, misfortune brings opportunity.
09:04For it was then I met the beautiful Ida.
09:10Sorry, I swallowed a bug.
09:12Come on, Dewey.
09:14Come on, Dewey.
09:14Have a dumpling.
09:15They're your favorite.
09:17And the only way you can get one is by taking it off this plate that I'm holding, which proves that I exist.
09:25If no one's eating this, I will.
09:27Mom, Jamie's got your cigarettes.
09:32Who the hell is Jamie?
09:35Your grandson.
09:36We never named them until we were sure they would survive.
09:45I love this dark humor of hers.
09:49I'm telling you, you have nothing but fun ahead of you.
09:53Reese, this firecracker shrimp is fantastic.
09:56Yes.
09:57I didn't know you can get such hot peppers in America.
10:02Is something wrong?
10:05I just realized that Grandma's really leaving.
10:10I need to be alone.
10:11You should get them a woman before it's too late.
10:17An ugly one.
10:18They're cheaper.
10:19They work harder.
10:25It's okay.
10:27I'm sure I'd yellow goo coming out of my tongue before it got pierced.
10:31Drink your tea.
10:33You hate it when it gets cold.
10:35Oh, darling, you have something in your hair.
10:40What?
10:40Under your wig.
10:42What are you doing?
10:42Get out of there.
10:44What is this?
10:46A list of my bank accounts and the amounts in them.
10:55I had to know what I was getting into.
11:02Wise as well as beautiful.
11:04If we are going to get married, it is only fair you know how much money I have.
11:10If you're done tearing at me like a hyena, I have to go fix myself.
11:17Thank you so very much for allowing me into your home.
11:21Put on your makeup somewhere else, Nancy.
11:24So, I am just so incredibly curious.
11:30You're in love with my mom?
11:34I know it seems strange to people.
11:38I know that we are so very different.
11:42But ever since I met your mother, I...
11:46She just makes me happy.
11:49I'm the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.
11:58And happy in your culture means the same as...
12:02It's open!
12:07Ah, gentlemen.
12:11I was expecting my fellow thespians.
12:13We're going to add a few delicious wrinkles to the plot tomorrow.
12:17Actually, that is what we wanted to talk to you about.
12:21Ah, if you think I'm going to give away the ending, you're sadly mistaken.
12:25Although, I might pay particular attention to the enigmatic Mrs. Pomfreet.
12:34Oh, I'm sorry.
12:36We have to cancel the show.
12:37Or Lord MacGregor.
12:39The Gruff...
12:40What?
12:42You've all done a wonderful job, but we had a scheduling mix-up and you'll have to go.
12:48Thank you for the wonderful work you've done.
12:51Oh, God, please don't fire us.
12:54If we lose this job, it's over.
12:56There's no place lower in show business we can go.
12:59If you think I'm bad at this, you should have seen me at the Dairy Queen.
13:03This is our last chance.
13:05Please don't do this.
13:08Please.
13:09Please.
13:09Please.
13:11Please.
13:14Please.
13:18Please.
13:22Please.
13:22I can't believe you didn't fire them.
13:27I remember him from Dairy Queen.
13:29He was bad.
13:35Oh, no.
13:36Oh, no.
13:36Oh, no.
13:37Oh, no.
13:37Malcolm, quit messing around in there and get out here.
13:40We're leaving for the wedding.
13:41I'll be out in a minute.
13:42Hold your horses.
13:44What?
13:45Nothing.
13:47Horses.
13:48Oh, my God.
13:50It's swollen so much I can't say my yeses.
13:53Mom's gonna kill me.
13:56Wait.
13:58I can hide it.
14:00I'll be careful
14:01how I talk
14:04and avoid
14:05that letter
14:07completely.
14:08simple.
14:14Well,
14:15looks like
14:16all of Ida's friends
14:17showed up.
14:18Let's hope this thing
14:19starts soon.
14:20Hey, Malcolm,
14:21what time does the parking lot
14:22close?
14:23Six?
14:23Six thirty seven?
14:25Military time?
14:26That'd be
14:27nineteen hundred, Dad.
14:30Oh,
14:31here's the blushing bride.
14:33I'm sorry.
14:34The hotel
14:35doesn't allow
14:35smoking in here.
14:37Back off, you cow.
14:38This is my special day.
14:43Hal, do you think
14:44Lois, I know
14:45it's weird,
14:46but love is blind
14:47and it's none of our business,
14:48so we might as well
14:49just let it go,
14:50wish him well,
14:51and move on.
14:51I know I have.
14:56Okay, I admit,
14:57I've been a crummy brother,
14:59and I shouldn't have
15:00smashed your ship,
15:01and I probably should have
15:03tried out that new chokehold
15:04on an animal
15:05before using it on you.
15:07So anyway,
15:08I got you this.
15:11Oh, wow.
15:13That's so cool.
15:15And you can play
15:16against the robots,
15:17or you can join them
15:18and fight the mutants.
15:19I've always wanted
15:20this game.
15:21I can't believe it.
15:23And there's a trick
15:23to skip levels.
15:25Here, let me show you.
15:25Mom,
15:26I just found the exact game
15:28I wanted for my birthday,
15:30just lying on this chair.
15:32How can you be so insensitive?
15:41Jamie?
15:41Ah, my love,
15:51I almost forgot.
15:53My grandmother wore
15:55this very necklace
15:56on her wedding day.
15:57It's called
15:58the Chinese symbol
16:01for double happiness.
16:06White people
16:07aren't impressed
16:08with this junk.
16:09You're not supposed
16:10to see me
16:10before the wedding.
16:12Go back to your room
16:13before someone
16:13mistakes you
16:14for a waiter.
16:17Whatever my bride wants,
16:20I'll see you
16:21for a little while.
16:35Oh, my God.
16:37Opioid.
16:39Opioid.
16:40Mood elevator.
16:42Large mammal tranquilizer.
16:44He's not in love
16:45with her at all.
16:47She's got him drugged.
16:51The skies are clear
16:57at the airport.
16:57No problem
16:58with her flight leaving.
16:59I'm checking the freeways.
17:01Dad!
17:02Mom!
17:03I have to tell you
17:03a thing.
17:06What?
17:08Grandma
17:09be drugging
17:12the man from China.
17:14What?
17:15Grandma be drugging
17:16the man from China.
17:18What the hell is this?
17:21A powerful mood elevator.
17:24A lot of them.
17:26Bottle after bottle
17:27after bottle.
17:28She's drugging him?
17:30How is she doing it?
17:32The tea.
17:34My God,
17:34of course,
17:35the tea!
17:36Remember,
17:37she kept refilling
17:37his cup all night?
17:39That's how I'd do it.
17:42You're sure
17:43that this is her purse?
17:45Yeah.
17:47Affirmative.
17:48Oh, stop screwing around.
17:49Yes or no?
17:50Yes or no?
17:54Not no.
17:56Stealing
17:57an old woman's purse.
17:59I should have
17:59you were arrested.
18:01Us?
18:02We know
18:02what you're doing
18:03to that poor Mr. Lee.
18:04My God,
18:05I thought you were
18:06an evil conniving
18:07monster before,
18:08but this,
18:09mother,
18:09this is beyond
18:10the pale.
18:11He's a human being
18:13and you're
18:14drugging him.
18:15It's called
18:15seduction.
18:17It's no different
18:18from wearing
18:19perfume
18:20or patting
18:22your bra
18:22with potatoes.
18:24What girl
18:24doesn't look
18:25for a little edge?
18:26You are out
18:27of your mind.
18:29Either you
18:30march up to his room
18:31and tell him
18:31this wedding is off
18:32or we're calling
18:33the police.
18:34All right.
18:37I'm going.
18:39Split the take.
18:40Mom, go!
18:44And how
18:46could our murderer
18:47leave no footprints?
18:50Because
18:51I submit
18:52to you
18:54that he did not
18:55walk
18:56but rather
18:58swung
18:58into the room
19:00on a rope.
19:02and the only
19:06former circus
19:07acrobat here
19:08is
19:09that man
19:10and
19:12that woman.
19:17Oh, Edward,
19:18the game's up.
19:21Yeah, we done it
19:23and we do it
19:24again,
19:25governor.
19:27Mystery solved.
19:29The dog.
19:34Oh, no!
19:36Oh, my God.
19:42Did you feel that?
19:43It was wonderful.
19:44That was the best
19:45reaction we've ever had.
19:46Thank you so much.
19:48Thank you for
19:49giving us this chance.
19:51No need.
19:51The important thing
19:52is you believed
19:53in yourself
19:54and you did
19:54a great job.
19:55What a delightful
19:57display of
19:58intrigue
19:59and whimsy.
20:01I will remember
20:02this for years
20:03to come.
20:04I cannot wait
20:04to tell my friends.
20:11You hired
20:13the audience?
20:14I hated
20:14to see them
20:15so depressed.
20:16Within its
20:17framework
20:18of commitment
20:19and loyalty,
20:21marriage enables
20:22the establishment
20:23of a home.
20:24They look so
20:25nice together.
20:27Yeah,
20:28they do.
20:29I just love
20:30weddings.
20:31Where through
20:31trust and
20:32patience,
20:33your love
20:33will grow
20:34stronger every day.
20:35Aren't we supposed
20:35to stop this?
20:37Hmm,
20:38I think you're right.
20:40I wonder why
20:40we didn't.
20:41Who cares?
20:42It's nice.
20:44Oh,
20:44I'm not worried
20:45about it.
20:46I'm just
20:47happy.
20:49I'm just happy.
20:50Respect for each
20:51other.
20:52Your trust
20:53and understanding
20:54in each other
20:55will increase
20:56your contentment
20:57and...
20:58They're all
20:59empty.
21:00Every bottle.
21:01She drugged
21:02us all.
21:04That filthy,
21:05hateful monster.
21:09But how'd
21:10she do it?
21:12The buffet.
21:13Oh,
21:14that's right.
21:16It showed up
21:17right after she
21:18went to talk
21:18to Mr. Lee.
21:19That evil genius.
21:21You know,
21:21she knew we
21:22couldn't pass
21:22up free food.
21:24This is simply
21:25the most
21:25diabolical,
21:26hateful thing
21:27she's ever done.
21:29But I sure
21:30do like her
21:31dress.
21:32Don't you?
21:33I agree.
21:35It's weird.
21:37I used to
21:37just think
21:38thoughts.
21:39Now my
21:40thoughts
21:40are thinking
21:41thoughts.
21:42It's like
21:43if I don't
21:43exist,
21:45who's saying
21:45if I don't
21:46exist?
21:46You know
21:47what I mean?
21:47I'll tell you
21:50who's saying
21:51it.
21:52Me.
21:54It's like
21:54I think
21:55therefore
21:56I'll wait.
22:00I had it.
22:02Don't worry,
22:03Reese.
22:03It'll come
22:04back around.
22:05Yeah.
22:07Hey,
22:08you spoke
22:08to me.
22:09I exist.
22:10For now.
22:11You know,
22:15I have to
22:16admit,
22:16part of me
22:18wishes we
22:18could just
22:19stay this
22:19happy forever.
22:21Can we,
22:22Malcolm?
22:23Can we?
22:24Not really.
22:26I mean,
22:27most of these
22:28drugs wear off
22:29after four or
22:29five hours.
22:31Malcolm,
22:31why are you
22:31lisping?
22:33I pierced
22:34my tongue.
22:35I've been
22:36hiding it
22:36because I
22:37knew you
22:37go psycho.
22:38I'll show
22:39you psycho.
22:41When we get
22:42home,
22:42I'm going
22:43to pull
22:43that thing
22:43out with
22:44a pair
22:44of pliers.
22:46Sounds fair.
22:47Be constant
22:48and consistent
22:49in your love.
22:51From this
22:51comes the
22:52knowledge
22:52that you
22:53can weather
22:54any storm
22:55and survive
22:56any vicissibility.
22:57Did you drink
22:58your tea?
22:58What tea?
22:59The tea
23:00I gave you
23:01right before
23:01the ceremony.
23:03Oh,
23:03I'm sorry.
23:04I thought
23:05that was
23:05for me.
23:08Well,
23:08did anyone
23:09ever tell you
23:10you have
23:10a beautiful
23:11smile?
23:13Oh,
23:13I haven't
23:14been to
23:14the dentist
23:14in years.
23:15I should
23:16really give
23:16him a call.
23:17Get on
23:17with it,
23:18God boy!
23:19Well,
23:20someone's
23:20eager for
23:21the sacrament
23:21of married
23:22love,
23:23huh?
23:24I think
23:25Mr.
23:26Lee's
23:26coming out
23:27of it.
23:27What a shame.
23:28The old
23:29bat used
23:29to bowl
23:30her happy
23:30pills
23:30on us.
23:31Oh,
23:32also,
23:33this is
23:33so very,
23:34very,
23:35very important.
23:38Never
23:38go to bed
23:39angry.
23:39Well,
23:40I should
23:41say,
23:41never
23:41go to
23:41sleep
23:42angry.
23:45And you
23:45know what?
23:46Never
23:46eat salad
23:47angry.
23:48Never
23:48eat soup
23:49sad.
23:50Give me
23:50these.
23:52Here,
23:53go.
23:55Shall we
23:56prank?
23:57No!
23:57All righty
23:58then.
23:59Do you
24:00take...
24:00Yes!
24:01And do you...
24:02Yes!
24:02Then I now
24:03pronounce you...
24:04Who the hell
24:05are you?
24:07Oh,
24:08darling,
24:09don't be
24:09silly.
24:10Get the
24:11rings!
24:11Wait.
24:13I know
24:13you.
24:15You're
24:15that horrible
24:16woman at
24:16my table
24:17who kept
24:17spitting
24:18at the
24:18busboys.
24:19Oh,
24:20no,
24:20no,
24:20there was
24:21someone else.
24:22No,
24:22it was
24:22you!
24:23My
24:23little
24:23honey
24:24lamb.
24:24Let me
24:25go!
24:25Gucci
24:26Gucci.
24:26You folks!
24:27Ow!
24:27Ow!
24:28Ow!
24:29Ow!
24:29I'm pregnant!
24:46Why?
24:46Why?
24:47Why can't
24:48I ever
24:49be happy?
24:53I promised
24:54I wasn't
24:54going to do
24:55this.
24:55There's still dirt under the rim.
25:00I've been scrubbing for an hour.
25:02It's not coming off.
25:03Well, since you don't care about your tongue, maybe you could use that to clean the toilet.
25:08I found Grandma's dermis.
25:10Looks like there's still a half cup left of this terrible potion.
25:16You know, the lawnmower needs some work.
25:18I think he'll go out of the grub.
25:20Good idea, good idea.
25:50I'moing the toilet.
25:59I'moing the toilet.
26:03I'moing the toilet.
26:07I'moing the toilet.
26:09You can paint the toilet.
26:11What's it, between the two and the two and the two and the one?
26:14I'moing the toilet.