Malcolm In The Middle Season 5 Episode 6 Malcolm's Job
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00:00Oh, right.
00:09Yes, no, maybe
00:27I don't know
00:31Can you repeat the question?
00:35You're not the boss of me now
00:38You're not the boss of me now
00:41You're not the boss of me now
00:43And you're not so big
00:46You're not the boss of me now
00:49You're not the boss of me now
00:52You're not the boss of me now
00:58Life is unfair
01:01There, that's it
01:09I made your bed every day for a year
01:12Wow, congratulations
01:14I can't believe you actually did it
01:16According to our deal
01:17That means from now on
01:19I get to sleep in this bed
01:21That wasn't exactly our deal, Dewey
01:23Yes, it was
01:24You promised that if I did it
01:26I'd get to bed every day after that
01:29Right, every day
01:31But I still get it at night
01:33That's not fair
01:34I don't know, Dewey
01:35This case sounds pretty solid to me
01:37Oh, and Dewey
01:39I don't want to ruin it by being too specific
01:41But it's something you wear
01:43And now it's some kind of creature in it
01:46Jimmy's making such strides
01:51He's so in touch with his emotions
01:53I wish I could be more like that
01:56And just cry for hours and hours
02:00Here's a flyer for the daddy and child class
02:03I'll be teaching at the rec center
02:05Polly, this is the fifth flyer you've given me
02:08I'm sorry, I was just so excited
02:10It was such a revelation to me
02:12That I should be teaching
02:13I've always tried to follow my bliss
02:16But up until now
02:17My blisses have turned out to be treacherous
02:19And self-destructive
02:21Can't wait
02:22Do I really have to
02:25Yes, Hal
02:26Boys, I wanted to talk to you
02:31I've got some good news
02:33I've been thinking
02:34You're both growing up
02:36You're showing a lot more maturity these days
02:38I think you've earned the right
02:39To a little bit more independence
02:41We're getting a car
02:42You're both getting jobs
02:44What?
02:46Malcolm, I talked to the manager
02:47Of the Lucky Aid this morning
02:49You start there tomorrow
02:50You want me to work at your store?
02:53With you?
02:54Yes
02:54Reese, since you've been mentioned
02:56Six times by name in the security handbook
02:58You have to look for a job somewhere else
03:00But I want you in a paper hat
03:02By the end of the week
03:02Please don't do this to me
03:05Just let me find my own job
03:06Malcolm, it's already done
03:08I had to call in a lot of favors
03:10With Mr. Young for you
03:11You are not going to make me look bad
03:13By not honoring your commitments
03:15How is it my commitment?
03:17Because I'm your mother
03:18And you're doing it
03:19That's final
03:20I was thinking
03:22There's a lot of germs
03:23Yeah, Mama's a stupid idea about working
03:25That's enough
03:26You boys heard your mother
03:27We have always said
03:29You have to concentrate on your school work
03:31Before wasting your time on dead-end jobs
03:34You have got your whole life to work
03:36And only one chance to learn
03:38I told them to get jobs, Hal
03:40The value of hard work
03:42Money doesn't grow on trees
03:45The sooner you two kids have jobs, the better
03:47My first paycheck
03:54I'm buying this house
03:55And kicking them out
03:56As we emerge from the cocoon of self-doubt
04:01Reaching for unconditional affirmation
04:05Defeating our inner critics
04:09And rest
04:11See, daddies can be just as good mommies as mommies
04:17I have to make a quick phone call to the parole officer
04:21Oh, don't worry
04:22It's not about me
04:23It's about one of my dads
04:24But while I'm gone
04:26Why don't you do that baby-saj thing I showed you
04:29Babies feel stressed, too
04:31Man, I'm so bored
04:39I can feel my own hair growing
04:41Maybe I should wait a couple years to bond with Jamie
04:44It's got to be easier
04:45When he can do more than just burble and sit up
04:48Your baby can sit up?
04:50For how long?
04:51I don't know
04:52Ten seconds?
04:54My baby can sit up for 20
04:55Jasmine can do it for 30
04:57Oh, yeah?
04:59Come on, Jimmy
05:00Come on, buddy
05:01You can do it for daddy
05:03Do it for daddy
05:04Stay up
05:05Stay up
05:05One more
05:08Come on, baby
05:09Come on, baby
05:10Oh, yes!
05:12I think that belongs to me
05:16Hello, you've reached the grotto
05:27Please hold
05:28Hello, you've reached the grotto
05:30Please hold
05:30Hello, you've reached the grotto
05:35You are a terrible brother
05:37Do we?
05:38Malcolm and Reese do nothing but torture me all day long
05:42My life is horrible and it's not fair
05:45Do you're not making any sense?
05:46You were nice to Malcolm and Reese
05:48But then you got kicked up before I was even old enough to know what was going on
05:53So they got to have a good big brother
05:55And all I got was them
05:57Look, I'm sorry, okay?
05:59I just, I don't live there anymore
06:01I don't care
06:02You have to make this up to me
06:04I deserve a good big brother, too
06:06Dewey, I know this is really important to you
06:09But I just don't have the time right now
06:11So I'll call you in a couple days, okay?
06:12No!
06:13Do not hang up on me!
06:14Stay!
06:19Don't you look handsome!
06:21My little working man's first day on the job
06:24Do not do anything to mess this up
06:26Our whole family needs me to have this job
06:29Don't worry, Mom
06:30If it'll save the family
06:32I won't stack the toilet paper sideways
06:34Those kinds of Weisenheimer remarks are exactly what I'm talking about
06:38Now go
06:39You don't want to be late for the training session
06:41Hello, I'm Dale Young, District Supervisor
06:46Now, we're going to have a lot of lucky aid fun today
06:50But there's also a lot for our new trainees to learn
06:54Not to mention our employees who need a little refresher
06:58What is this, Felspar? The fifth time?
07:01We can call it that
07:03You leave the store unlocked one night, it's like the sky fell in
07:07Mr. Felspar, I'm sure you don't want to get your fellow trainee in trouble
07:11You must be Malcolm
07:14Lois' boy
07:16Hey, tell me
07:17Is Beans as much fun at home as she is at work?
07:19Who?
07:20Hey Dave, can you picture Beans having kids?
07:24Beans?
07:25Beans?
07:26Beans?
07:27Now, we're going to start with a little instructional video
07:31And then, I hope everyone has their role playing hats on
07:36Lucky aid, it's another word for family
07:44And like family, we all pull in the same direction toward the same goal
07:51From the lowliest stock boy
07:55To the district managers
07:58All the way up to the president
08:01We're proud of our 95% employee retention rate
08:06You may think you're just starting a job
08:09But when you join the Lucky Aid family
08:12You're here for life
08:15Mr. Young said you did great in training
08:19Well, what can I say, Beans?
08:21Oh, I'm sorry, Beans
08:23Did I say something wrong, Beans?
08:25Now, I went to a lot of trouble to make sure you could work with Albert
08:29He really knows what he's doing
08:31You're going to learn a lot from him
08:33Hey, Albert!
08:34This is my son, Malcolm
08:36Nah, that can't be your son
08:39He ain't beautiful enough
08:41Did she just giggle?
08:46Okay
08:47Now, those are empty boxes
08:52Yes, they are
08:58Good
09:00Now, what you do is you take them in the freight elevator to the basement
09:05To the box flattening area
09:07You flatten the boxes
09:09Then, take them back up the elevator
09:11Go out by the loading dock
09:13And throw them in the dumpster
09:15I figure it's about six or seven trips
09:18Shouldn't take you more than two hours
09:20That dumpster right over there?
09:23Yes
09:24If I flatten them here, I could be down like 20 minutes
09:27You take them in the freight elevator to the basement
09:34To the box flattening area
09:36No!
09:37I got it
09:38I was just wondering if...
09:40I understand
09:42So I broke down the boxes right next to the dumpster
09:45And saved so much time
09:46I was able to sweep out the stock room
09:48And do a whole week's worth of returns
09:50That's great!
09:51Sounds like you had a good first day
09:53So, what part of box flattening area don't you understand?
10:00Huh?
10:01You were seeing flattening boxes outside of the designated box flattening area
10:08I thought I made myself clear
10:11Why even have a box flattening area if you don't flatten the boxes then?
10:16But it only took me 20 minutes so I was able to...
10:19Mom!
10:20Albert, I'm sorry
10:21I'll write him up
10:22What?
10:23But you just said that
10:24You're supposed to do as you're told
10:32Thanks for taking the heat off me
10:34I forgot my shoes again
10:35This is ridiculous!
10:45You're being completely arbitrary and asinine
10:48One minute you're telling me I'm doing a great job
10:50And the next minute you're writing me up
10:52You broke the rules, Malcolm
10:53Come on!
10:54That box flattening area is a stupid rule
10:57You know I'm right
10:58Albert is a grade 5 employee
11:00He has put in 20 years of service time
11:03Sometimes that's more important than what's right or wrong
11:08Who are you?
11:09Stop being so melodramatic
11:11No, seriously, I want to know
11:13Because the mother I know has spent her entire life ranting about always doing the right thing
11:18No matter what the cost, no matter how unpopular it is
11:21And now you're standing here getting all caught up in who's a grade 5 and blindly obeying authority
11:27Honestly, Malcolm, where'd you get the idea that a job is supposed to be fun?
11:31That's not what I'm talking about
11:34The truth is work is hard and miserable
11:36And nobody likes doing it
11:38I have the greatest job in the world
11:41You got a job?
11:42Yeah, with hygienic meat packing
11:44All I do all day is cut meat with knives and saws
11:48There's blood everywhere and there's all these guys swearing in Spanish
11:52And they pay me 12 bucks an hour
11:5512 bucks an hour? I only make $5.50
11:58Actually, with the write-up you're bumped on to $3.75
12:01Now you better go finish your homework
12:03Dinner's in a half an hour
12:05I am so proud of you guys
12:08You're so open to connecting with your babies
12:12If my dads were like you, I'm sure I wouldn't have slept with so many men in college
12:17See you next class
12:19Yes
12:20We can't wait
12:25Okay, I've got Jamie to win and Kevin to show
12:28Jamie's diaper
12:37Two pounds
12:38Yes
12:39Koda
12:41Two and a quarter pounds
12:43Jasmine
12:45Four pounds
12:47Man, that's unholy
12:49I am so sorry I was ever disappointed you were born a girl
13:00Reese, this meat is delicious, thank you
13:03Malcolm, would you like another piece?
13:05I don't think I'm authorized to make that decision
13:07Maybe we should ask a grade five employee
13:10Hey, I'm a grade five employee
13:12Wow, how do they get the meat this tender?
13:15Well that's the thing about Veal
13:17Imagine if you took Jamie
13:19And put him in a little box where he would never see daylight
13:22You don't let him move so his muscles don't get all tough
13:25He's basically blind and you force feed him nothing but milk
13:29That's what makes him taste so good
13:32Pal, how did Jamie do in class today?
13:35Fine, I guess
13:37For a kid who can't fill a diaper
13:40This is strange
13:42Why would we have so many leftovers?
13:44You hung up on me!
13:57What are you doing here?
13:58I told you, I can't handle Reese and Malcolm anymore
14:02I need a good big brother before it's too late
14:05I'm like one wedgie away from an eating disorder
14:08You're here by yourself?
14:10Francis, please
14:12All I want is a few minutes of someone being nice to me
14:16Is that really such a big thing for a kid my age to ask?
14:21Dad Dad Dad, calm down, he's fine
14:27I have the day off Saturday, I'll bring him on then
14:30You gotta give him credit, you know
14:32He got to the ranch all by himself
14:34First time you tried, you ended up in Mexico
14:37Of course I'd be happy to carry your bags outside
14:41We wouldn't want you to get all hot and sweaty out in the blaring heat of the parking lot
14:46Malcolm, you're not scheduled for today
14:49I'm just looking for my mom
14:51She's out back, caught on a break
14:57Last night, Mom accused me of being obsessive about getting written up
15:01So I stayed up all last night thinking of a bunch of comebacks
15:04And I even had potential comebacks to every possible comeback of hers
15:07There's no way she...
15:21You're smoking?
15:24After all the times you lectured us?
15:27After telling us if we smoked you would kill us before the cancer did?
15:31After you would push Francis' lit cigarettes back in his mouth and make him swallow?
15:36And you smoke?
15:38You smoke?
15:41Look, it's not what you think
15:43When I work, I have two cigarettes
15:45One on my morning break, one in the afternoon
15:48No more, no less
15:49Who are you?
15:50You have to stop saying that
15:53I will quit eventually
15:55But until then, the only thing that's stopping your father from smoking six packs a day
16:00Is knowing that we quit together
16:02But you didn't quit
16:04But he knows I did
16:06But you didn't
16:08He knows I did
16:10You lie and you smoke
16:13Oh, for God's sake, Malcolm
16:16Lois, Lois, Lois, I just remembered you were holding my lit cigarette in your hand
16:20And I wanted to thank you for holding onto my cigarettes
16:23Which are mine
16:24He knows
16:25Okay
16:26I think I left my register open
16:29Okay, Malcolm
16:32You caught me
16:34This has to be kept secret
16:37So I'm gonna ask you for a favor
16:40A favor?
16:41You're asking me for a favor after you totally hung me out to dry
16:45I'm just asking for a little flexibility
16:48Please
16:49For your father and for me
16:51Just keep the smoking to yourself
16:53Please
16:54Yeah, okay
16:58Okay
16:59Wow
17:00She's talking to me like a human being
17:02This can't get any weirder
17:04Thank you, Malcolm
17:08Yes, it can
17:09I can't believe I used to think that taking care of the baby was a chore
17:14This class has really opened my eyes
17:21Time
17:24Aiden wins again
17:26I knew I shouldn't let you have that cracker
17:31I'll pay you next class
17:33I gotta go
17:34You're not gonna stick around for the suction contest?
17:39Will you take a watch?
17:41Don't get too down about this probation thing
17:43This job is mostly a beauty pageant
17:47You know what's weird?
17:49You get used to thinking of a person as being so much more powerful than you
17:53Then something shifts and it becomes kind of awkward
17:58Oh my god, are you my boss now?
17:59What?
18:00This is so unfair
18:01Year after year
18:02Why can't...
18:06It's nice to see one of the good guys win
18:09Once you take a load off, I'll go get you a cup of joe
18:11No worries, Chief
18:12No worries, Chief
18:13It's even–
18:25It's poor
18:29It's spoiler
18:31It's regret
18:33It's not home
18:35Whoa
18:36Whoa.
18:38Whoa!
18:44Malcolm!
18:48It's not what it looks like!
18:50Lois, are you in there?
18:52I'll explain later. I know exactly what this looks like to you,
18:54but I'm asking you for a little flexibility.
18:56Trust me.
18:58Lois, where's the...
19:00What's going on here?
19:02Well, I'll have to write Malcolm up again.
19:04He's flattened another box
19:06outside of the box flattening area.
19:16The guys at work are great.
19:18I already have a nickname.
19:20Tenfingers.
19:22The old Tenfingers wasn't using it anymore.
19:24I'm proud of you, son.
19:26You're working now.
19:28I feel like I can talk to you,
19:30man to man.
19:32You know, about grown-up things.
19:34Expenses.
19:36Cheaters.
19:38Can I borrow some money from you?
19:40Yeah. How much do you need?
19:42How much do you have?
19:46Why don't you just tell me how much you need?
19:52One hundred.
19:54One hundred.
19:56Two.
19:58And another hundred.
20:00You might want to rinse out the bills in cold water.
20:04They stick together.
20:06It was so cool when that guy at the truck stop blew the smoke ring out of the hole in his throat.
20:14That was fun, wasn't it?
20:16How come you're the only good one in the family?
20:20Why didn't any of it rub off on Reese or Malcolm?
20:23Dewey, would you cut it out?
20:25No, I mean it.
20:26You're such a good brother.
20:27I'll bet they didn't even appreciate it.
20:29Dewey, I was never like this with Reese and Malcolm.
20:32I treated them like crap.
20:34Way worse than they treat you.
20:36That's impossible.
20:37I tortured them all the time.
20:39I beat them up, I took their stuff, I locked them in closets.
20:43You know that scar on Reese's back?
20:45That's from a bayonet.
20:47Where'd I even get a bayonet?
20:50But you couldn't have.
20:52The way they talk about you, they love you so much.
20:56Dewey, let me let you in on a little secret.
20:59Sometimes people love people for no reason.
21:03Like Whoopi Goldberg.
21:05Hmm.
21:06It's even weirder with brothers.
21:11So you're saying...
21:14I'm the only one you're ever nice to?
21:17Pretty much.
21:20You know, you have a real opportunity here.
21:23You can break the cycle.
21:24You can be a good brother to Jamie.
21:27You can be the one kid in this family
21:29who takes care of the younger one and looks out for him.
21:34How's that fair?
21:36Yeah, you're right.
21:41Trying to impress the cool kids?
21:43Hey, Malcolm!
21:45Good news!
21:46The head of security told me that the surveillance cameras
21:49proved you didn't flatten that box on purpose.
21:52You're also using too much soap in the bathroom.
21:54Anyway, you're off probation.
21:56Wow.
21:57Thanks for going to the map for me.
21:59What is your problem?
22:00My problem is I have no idea who you are.
22:04I thought I had this mother that was abrupt and short-tempered and rude,
22:08but who at least would stand up for what's right.
22:12That's not who you are.
22:14I did something nice for you and you act like it didn't even happen.
22:17You did something nice for me because it was the right thing to do.
22:20I'm simply making you obey rules because I'm your mother.
22:24That's not fair!
22:25If this fairer thing doesn't work both ways, then why am I keeping a big secret for you?
22:30Why shouldn't I just tell Dad?
22:32You're not going to tell your father.
22:34How do you know?
22:35Because, Malcolm, that's not who you are.
22:41Why do you do this to me?
22:43Malcolm, I know this is hard for you.
22:46You're growing up.
22:47You're sick of living under my authority.
22:49You want me to cut you some slack.
22:51You're wondering when I'll finally see you as an adult.
22:54Well, that's never going to happen.
22:58That's just not the way it works.
23:01You can move away from home.
23:03You can get married.
23:04You can have kids of your own.
23:06You can even become a professor of physics at MIT.
23:09I will always be your mother.
23:12And that's just the way it is until one of us dies.
23:18You want to put your head between your knees for a few seconds?
23:21No, I'm okay.
23:25Look, will you please just give me one thing?
23:30Please stop smoking.
23:32I already quit.
23:36Are you lying?
23:37Of course not.
23:51Okay, Jamie.
23:52It all comes down to this.
23:53Just do it like we practiced in the garage.
23:57Oh!
23:58Oh!
23:59Oh!
24:00Oh!
24:01Oh!
24:02Oh!
24:03Oh!
24:04Oh!
24:05Oh!
24:06Oh!
24:07Oh!
24:08Oh!
24:09Oh!
24:10Oh!
24:11Oh!
24:12Oh!
24:13Oh!
24:14Oh!
24:15Oh!
24:16Oh!
24:17Oh!
24:18Oh!
24:19Oh!
24:20Oh!
24:21Oh!
24:22Oh!
24:23Oh!
24:24Oh!
24:25Oh!
24:26Oh!
24:27Oh!
24:28Oh!
24:29Oh!
24:30Oh!
24:31Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
24:32Oh!
24:34Oh, oh!
24:35Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
24:36There a damn sucker.
24:38Oh!
24:39Are you treating the babies like they were made of glass?
24:41like they were made of glass and now you suffer what are you waiting for
24:49I want to remember that goofy smile nobody's gonna be saying that for a long
24:55time
25:11I want to remember that too