Malcolm In The Middle Season 1 Episode 13 Rollerskates
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00:00We are not even more than me. No, I don't we all have 29 inches or five so far
00:05I have two four-inchers five three-inchers and three two-inchers. You have five five-inchers and a four-inch
00:12They're exactly the same
00:15Do we?
00:18Okay, we're gonna assume this was a four-inch from the share pile
00:23117 minus three times twenty nine divided by three minus
00:27We each take a two-inch bite out of this one
00:33Last week we had curly fries. It took us three hours
00:38Yes, no, maybe
00:42I don't know
00:45Can you repeat the question?
00:49You're not the boss of me now
00:52You're not the boss of me now
00:54You're not the boss of me now
00:56And you're not so big
01:00You're not the boss of me now
01:03You're not the boss of me now
01:05You're not the boss of me now
01:07And you're not so big
01:13Life is unfair
01:20Good job, Don!
01:21I don't know what you're doing, but I don't know what you're doing.
01:51I got it, I got it!
01:59Cor!
02:05Cor!
02:07Good game.
02:23This sucks.
02:27You mocking me?
02:29No.
02:31I'm tired.
02:33Get skates.
02:35Can't.
02:37Dad.
02:39My dad was some kind of skating champion a long time ago.
02:45He made a rule.
02:47No one in the family could buy skates until after they take lessons from him.
02:51So take?
02:53The lessons?
02:55You don't get it.
02:56My dad's like a total fanatic about skating.
02:59He doesn't even call it skating.
03:01He calls it the brotherhood of the wheel.
03:04He taught Francis and Reese and they've never been the same after.
03:08Grisky shoots!
03:10He scores!
03:11He laughed at the other Canadians.
03:14Hey Reese, remember when dad told you how to skate?
03:18I don't want to talk about it.
03:20Why can't you just tell me what it was like?
03:24One, I'm not supposed to.
03:26And two, I don't even like to think about it.
03:29It makes me cry.
03:31Hey, hey, hey, hey!
03:33What's wrong with you?
03:35You know you're not supposed to skate in the house.
03:37Why?
03:38Everyone else in the world gets to.
03:41Wait a minute.
03:42Somebody's stepped on something.
03:44Oh my God.
03:48Oh my God!
03:50What a mess!
03:52Reese!
03:54What did you roll in?
03:57Oh, man!
04:01You have to admit, it is kind of funny.
04:12Yelling so loud you actually throw out your back.
04:18Just try to relax.
04:21Got the baby monitor all set up here.
04:25And if you need anything, just holler.
04:28But not too loud.
04:30And I will get on it.
04:34No!
04:35Ah!
04:36Oh, God!
04:37Sorry.
04:38Oh, God!
04:39Sorry.
04:40Lois, why don't you just take the pain medicine the doctor gave you?
04:43Because they make me loopy.
04:45I will not have this house come crashing down around me because I'm hopped up on goofballs.
04:52Mom, I'm really sorry.
04:54Are you okay?
04:55Oh, Reese.
04:56Come to Mama.
04:58Close your sweetheart.
05:00Are you happy you crippled your mother?
05:06Mario!
05:07Mario!
05:08Mario!
05:13Survival weekend?
05:15What does that mean?
05:17That means we get to spend two whole days out in the wilderness with limited supplies and no food.
05:23You're kidding, right?
05:24Nope.
05:25It's an excellent way to learn basic survival techniques.
05:29It's two days in the woods.
05:31Our parents are paying for room and board.
05:33Where does that money go?
05:35Sounds like a big scam.
05:37Maybe so.
05:38But you're doing it.
05:40What?
05:41Francis, I'll let you blow off a lot of things around here.
05:45But this is something I believe in.
05:47It's a character builder.
05:48I think it'll be good for you.
05:50How could it be good for me?
05:52No food?
05:53No shelter?
05:54No broken clavicles.
05:57That's something inside me, right?
06:07What are you doing?
06:13Nothing.
06:14Get a glass!
06:19Don't you dare!
06:20When I get well, I am gonna beat you blue, mister!
06:23Get a glass!
06:24Alright!
06:25Okay!
06:28Can I have some milk?
06:30Yes.
06:31But get a glass.
06:33Okay.
06:34Hello, Francis?
06:36I have a problem.
06:38I need your advice.
06:39Trust me, pal.
06:40Whatever you're going through is not half as bad as what I'm facing.
06:44I'm thinking of asking Dad for skating lessons.
06:47Why does everyone do that?
06:49What does he do?
06:51Look, if I told you, you'd just freak out.
06:53But if you think you're ready, my advice is to get it over with quickly.
06:59It's like pulling a giant band-aid off your crotch.
07:02I'm gonna have a band-aid on my crotch?
07:04Who are you talking to?
07:06Francis!
07:11Hi, sweetie.
07:12Hi, Mom.
07:13Oh, I am in such pain because of my back.
07:16Doctor says I have to stay in bed for at least three days with my leg up on a pillow.
07:20And then I'm supposed to put ice on it.
07:22Ice!
07:23Look, Mom.
07:24Have you ever heard of such a thing?
07:25I've never heard of such a thing.
07:26That doesn't make any sense to me.
07:28Oh, thanks, honey.
07:29There we go.
07:30One more thing.
07:31Stop trying to drug my food.
07:33Oh, thanks, honey.
07:34There we go.
07:35One more thing.
07:36Stop trying to drug my food.
07:40Where was I?
07:41Francis?
07:42Uh, you're back.
07:43Oh, yeah.
07:45So they say that my fourth and fifth vertebrae are out of alignment.
07:50Apparently, my shoulder muscles are asymmetrical.
07:51I mean, did you ever hear of such a thing?
07:52They say it's genetic.
07:53It's the first case of scream-induced back trauma they've ever seen.
07:54It's the first case of scream-induced back trauma they've ever seen.
07:55It's the first case of scream-induced back trauma they've ever seen.
07:56Oh, honey.
07:57Oh, honey.
07:58Oh, honey.
07:59Oh, honey.
08:00Here we go.
08:01One more thing.
08:02One more thing.
08:03Stop trying to drug my food.
08:04Where was I?
08:05Uh, you're back.
08:06Oh, yeah.
08:07So they say that my fourth and fifth vertebrae are out of alignment.
08:10Apparently, my shoulder muscles are asymmetrical.
08:13I mean, did you ever hear of such a thing?
08:15They say it's genetic.
08:16It's the first case of scream-induced back trauma they've ever seen.
08:20I swear they paraded every Tom, Dick, and Harry through that room to take a look at me.
08:24And me, I'm just lying there with that little flimsy paper thing on me
08:27with my rear end flapping in the breeze for all the world to see.
08:30Boys, they're called gutbusters.
08:35They take a sausage, stuff it with cheese, wrap it with bacon, and shove it in a deep fat fryer full of lard.
08:43They're indescribable.
08:45Bon appetit.
08:50Malcolm, where have you been?
08:52We gotta get in on this.
08:53Dad, I want skating lessons.
09:00Son, you know once you start, there's no going back.
09:07I know.
09:09This means total commitment.
09:12Once you begin the path, there is no leaving the path.
09:17Are you sure you're ready for that?
09:20I mean, really ready?
09:23I guess so.
09:25Neat.
09:26We'll start tomorrow.
09:28Come on.
09:29Dig in before they harden.
09:45Let's do it.
09:49Stretch.
09:50Nose to knees.
09:51Nose to knees.
09:53And release.
09:55Whoo.
09:56You feeling a little limber now?
09:58Mostly I feel sleepy.
10:00Well, we have to start early.
10:02We've got a lot of ground to cover.
10:04Rule number one.
10:05You can't question my ways.
10:08I'm the top skate dog.
10:10Understood?
10:12You may not like my methods, but let me just show you what you can accomplish if you stick with it.
10:20I don't choose.
10:21Nothing?
10:22I'm not really sure that's a nightmare.
10:23Don't engage my against Olivia.
10:24It's bad.
10:25You can't put me anywhere because of my size, no strangely.
10:26If you don'tacht your right tastes like amassusif istasona influence.
10:27So I see any other customer in my opinion.
10:30You from work on the garden the lighthouse.
10:33I know in calf growth.
10:34I'm thinking, I'm growing up with my eyes on stuff.
11:05Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it.
11:14Talk about, talk about, talk about moving.
11:20Should I be impressed or horrified?
11:25Dad, that was unbelievable.
11:28That routine won me a gold medal, a macrame plant hanger, and your mother's heart all in the same afternoon.
11:35Want to see your skates?
11:37Yeah.
11:38Come on.
11:39Now, I prefer a Saratoga 4-wide, but I know you kids like that inline stuff.
11:46So?
11:48Whoa!
11:49They're beautiful.
11:51They are, aren't they?
11:52Wait, I don't get to wear them?
11:58Oh, no.
12:00You're not ready for those just yet.
12:03That's just your incentive.
12:06One step at a time, Malcolm.
12:09Roll to the goal.
12:12You're going to start with these.
12:13Why do I have this to-
12:19Top skate dog.
12:21Now, let's see you skate through those cones.
12:24I don't have skates.
12:31Skates are in here.
12:33And glide.
12:39And glide.
12:40Let your arms work with-
12:42Slow down.
12:44Slower.
12:46Slower.
12:48This is going to rule.
12:50All I'm taking is a canteen, a knife, my bedroll, and some emergency rations.
12:57Wuss.
12:58Canteen.
12:59Knife.
13:00Survival blanket.
13:01That's all?
13:03Dude, hardcore.
13:16Let's rock.
13:20You ready?
13:22Ready as I'll ever be.
13:31What is it?
13:39My back.
13:41I can't move.
13:43It happens sometimes.
13:44It's genetic.
13:45My shoulder muscles are asymmetrical, and it pulls my vertebrae out of alignment.
13:52I'll be fine.
13:54I just need to ice it.
13:59Which vertebrae?
14:01Fourth and fifth.
14:04All right.
14:05Take him to his room.
14:09Hands out front so you get a balance.
14:11Hold it.
14:13Hold it.
14:14Why am I doing this?
14:15Stop clouding your mind.
14:17This is a process.
14:18Dad, it's street hockey, not clown school.
14:23Process.
14:26And what?
14:27And don't fit him over.
14:28What?
14:29When am I ever going to use this?
14:31Full range of motion.
14:34And point and bump.
14:35And point and bump.
14:36And point and bump.
14:38And then we glide.
14:41How about my skates?
14:42Can I at least try on my skates?
14:45Absolutely not.
14:46You need at least two more days.
14:47Two days?
14:48Uh-huh.
14:49I know enough to play a stupid game of street hockey now.
14:52That's all I care about.
14:53Malcolm, we go at the speed I say.
14:56This is about safety and proper technique.
14:59But it doesn't make any sense.
15:01That's because you're not in the skating state of mind.
15:04Now that's it.
15:05Okay?
15:06We're done.
15:07Go home.
15:07You know what?
15:09Thanks to your attitude, we are now a day behind.
15:14Fine.
15:15The boy's fighting me, Lois.
15:24Oh, he's got the talent, but he's reckless and wild.
15:29Fine.
15:30I'll talk to him.
15:31That's not what I'm asking.
15:33Well, that's what's going to happen.
15:36Would you just take the darn pill?
15:39Dear.
15:40I can't believe you cut me off.
15:43You've questioned his ways.
15:45Never questions ways.
15:47That just makes it take even longer.
15:49You're going to go play hockey?
15:51You bet.
15:52I'll see you out there.
15:54In a month or two.
15:54I don't know how yet, but there's definitely a way I can justify this.
16:18Malcolm!
16:19Dang.
16:19I thought I'd at least get a few minutes in before he busted me.
16:25You know what?
16:25Screw it.
16:26I'm sick of this.
16:28What do you think you're doing?
16:29Taking my skates to go play hockey.
16:31Absolutely not.
16:32We had an agreement.
16:34Agreement?
16:35You just, like, bossing me around.
16:37And you, like, fighting me every step of the way.
16:40Because you're treating me like a baby.
16:42The stuff you're teaching me is stupid.
16:45Okay, that's it.
16:46You just lost these, pal.
16:47Oh, yeah?
16:48Well.
16:49You!
16:56You heard me.
17:05Modeling isn't all glamour.
17:07Sometimes you have to act like it's hot when it's really cold.
17:12People don't realize how hard we work.
17:15I am the only one who truly understands you, Inga.
17:22I cannot believe you said that to Dad.
17:25Oh, and by the way, if you pass Francis and you're with Siberia, tell him I said hi.
17:30Do you think you told Mom?
17:33I wouldn't worry about that.
17:35Mom's feeling a lot better.
17:37Dr. Reese paid her a little visit.
17:40What are you talking about?
17:41Let's just say, pills and sandwich, not effective.
17:47Pills and milk, effective.
17:51I just, I just don't get it.
17:53I mean, I have always been the good parent.
17:58That's true.
17:59I'm the nice one.
18:01Yeah, that's true.
18:02You're the bad one.
18:03The system can't work with two bad cops.
18:06Oh, I hate cops, cops.
18:08And you know what else I hate are those, what do you call them?
18:10I just wasn't ready for this from Malcolm.
18:13Soap salesman.
18:14Not yet.
18:15But he stepped over the line.
18:17And I don't think there's any way back.
18:19I mean, it's not as if I caught him with a cigarette and can make him smoke a whole carton.
18:24You know, I hate bigots, too.
18:26Oh, I hate bigots.
18:27Malcolm has always been different.
18:30God, why can't he be like his brothers?
18:33Reese took a swing at me.
18:34Francis took a swing at me.
18:35That I can deal with.
18:37Block, chop, they're on the ground gasping for air.
18:40It's over with.
18:41But this is like words.
18:44You know what I hate the most of all?
18:46I hate those gigantic...
18:48Oh, thank God.
18:56I've paid my dues Time after time
19:06And bad mistakes
19:10I've made a few
19:15I've had my shoes
19:19And kicks in my face
19:22But I've gone through
19:25And let me go on
19:27On, on, on, on
19:30We are the champions
19:33My friends
19:36And we'll keep on fighting
19:43Till the end
19:46We are the champions
19:52We are the champions
19:57Smoking
19:58No time for losers
20:01Cause we are the champions
20:06Houston, we are good to go
20:11Roger that
20:14You are good to go
20:15In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go
20:19Hey, fellas
20:29Boys, it's been
20:30Two days already
20:32How was it, huh?
20:36You just missed the big fire
20:38But, um
20:39Luckily, I was here to put it out
20:42Can I offer you some cookie dough?
20:46Come on, guys
20:50Let's be reasonable
20:51I can't spend
20:52Two days in the woods
20:53Tied to a chair
20:55Three days
20:56One extra for line
20:58Well, at least leave me a jacket
21:00Or some food
21:02Dudes, come on
21:04You can't leave me out here
21:06With nothing
21:06That was to me
21:11Not at me, right?
21:12Hal
21:17Honey, what are you doing up?
21:20Don't you honey me
21:22You slip me drugs
21:24You ought to be ashamed of yourself
21:28Getting used to sandbag me like that
21:30Would you like some milk, mother?
21:34Kid's never brought me one thing
21:36In his entire life
21:37And don't think
21:38I can't smell those gut busters
21:40Coming out of your pores
21:42You are back on rice cakes, mister
21:45Starting now
21:46Boys
21:47Your mother's mobile
21:49Malcolm
21:53I need to see you in the backyard
21:55Now, you said what you said
21:59And we can't change that
22:01And it isn't the kind of thing
22:04That could be solved
22:05With an apology
22:06Or a simple punishment
22:07But
22:08We do need to
22:09Find a way
22:11To get past this
22:12Agreed?
22:14I guess so
22:15Good
22:16Now
22:16Here's how I see it
22:18This whole thing
22:20Stems from you
22:21Feeling like
22:22I treat you
22:23Like a child
22:24So
22:25What's this?
22:30That is ten pages
22:32Single-spaced
22:33Of filthy name-calling
22:36What?
22:38They get worse
22:39As they go along
22:40What am I supposed to do with this?
22:44Well, since you think
22:45You're old enough
22:46To use these kind of words
22:47I think you're old enough
22:48To see the effect they have
22:50Malcolm
22:51You are gonna look me in the eye
22:53And say
22:54Every last one
22:55Of these terrible things
22:57To the man
22:58Who held you in his arms
22:59The moment you were born
23:01But dad
23:02I'm not your dad
23:04I'm
23:04A stinking
23:13Summer
23:14To my face
23:15Continue
23:17I can't
23:33You see son
23:35Words hurt
23:36That's why you have to
23:38Use them carefully
23:39I understand dad
23:42I'm sorry
23:43Okay
23:45I think you've had enough
23:47No, wait
23:49I can make it through
23:51The whole list
23:51I'm not gonna let you down again
23:54Whole
24:13Good
24:15Very thorough
24:18Dad
24:20Will you please finish
24:22Teaching me how to skate
24:23Of course
24:25But let's not make
24:28Iconte for a couple weeks
24:30You got it
24:31Cut
24:49Oh
24:50Oh, man
24:50Come on
24:52Come on
24:54Let's go, let's go.
25:24Let's go, let's go.
25:54I know I look like an idiot, but I'm kicking ass.
26:06Let's go, let's go.
26:36Let's go, let's go.