Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 19 Future Malcolm
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00:00Two more tubs should do it.
00:06There really isn't a category for eating jalapenos.
00:09But I think he's probably suffered enough.
00:11I'm gonna tell him in a minute.
00:17I'm so close to telling. Honest.
00:2497?
00:27Really, I'm gonna tell him.
00:31Yes, no, maybe.
00:36I don't know.
00:38Can you repeat the question?
00:42You're not the boss of me now.
00:45You're not the boss of me now.
00:48You're not the boss of me now.
00:50And you're not so big.
00:53You're not the boss of me now.
00:56You're not the boss of me now.
00:59You're not the boss of me now.
01:01And you're not so big.
01:05You're not the boss of me now.
01:07It feels unfair.
01:17Mom! Dad.
01:19Can we drive out to the country this Saturday to see the meteor shower?
01:23We only have to go, like, 25 miles to get a good view.
01:25It starts around 2 a.m.
01:28How's that again, son?
01:30The meteor shower.
01:32They say it's going to be the best one in 100 years.
01:35Sounds science-y.
01:37No, thanks.
01:38Come on, Reese, a meteor shower.
01:40Fireballs zooming around the air, smashing to the ground right in front of you.
01:45That's not what happens.
01:47Can we ride one?
01:49No, it's 60 miles up.
01:51But it's beautiful and interesting anyway.
01:53Look, if Malcolm needs to do this for some school assignment, then we're going to do it.
01:58It's not for school.
01:59Then forget it.
02:00We're not getting up at 2 a.m. just to look at stars.
02:05Brand cereal?
02:07Why are you eating that stuff?
02:09You said it tastes like kitty litter.
02:10I'm eating it because I have to stop gaining weight.
02:14I've turned into a gigantic fat cow.
02:17Oh, you have not.
02:18Even the doctor said so.
02:20Well, that's ridiculous.
02:22You're eating for two now.
02:23What kind of doctor doesn't know that?
02:25Hal, he's right.
02:27I'm huge.
02:29And I don't understand how it's happening.
02:32Well, I think you're beautiful no matter what.
02:34Oh, thank you, honey.
02:37You're so sweet.
02:38Anything I want to do, they don't understand.
02:49And if they do understand, they just make fun of it.
02:52But why should I expect them to be any different than the rest of the world?
02:55Well, let's face it.
02:57Everyone on this planet is a brain-dead, butt-scratching halfway.
03:02Bite us.
03:04How could you possibly think that the Nimzovich defense would work against me?
03:10You tried it two games ago, and I slaughtered you.
03:13You tried it four games ago, and I slaughtered you.
03:18Seriously, how do you find your way home at night?
03:23Hey, what?
03:24Where are you going?
03:24What?
03:26Oh, okay.
03:28Who wants to play?
03:30Eddie.
03:31Come on.
03:32I'll tell you what.
03:32I'll hit myself in the head with a rock.
03:35I'll even it out.
03:36No?
03:37Chubbo.
03:38You can eat with one hand.
03:40Play with the other.
03:42Oh, I can't believe this.
03:45You're all cowards.
03:48Hey, funny-looking kid.
03:50You want to learn how to play chess?
03:51No, thanks.
03:53Come on.
03:53Look, it's not that hard.
03:55See?
03:55This one looks like a pretty little horsey.
03:58I know what a knight is.
04:00I also know how to counter a Nimzovich defense without leaving my queen's bishop wide open.
04:05You're all left flank with Swiss cheese.
04:06Hey, junior champion, read your Caspar off.
04:13The second you go after my bishop, you can kiss your rook and two pawns.
04:18Bye-bye.
04:20Oh, okay.
04:21I get it.
04:22You're scared to play me.
04:24Yeah.
04:25I'm really scared of some troll in the park beating me at chess.
04:29Evidently you are.
04:31Now you're confusing fear with pity.
04:34Fear triggers a fight-or-flight response, while pity allows me to turn my back and walk
04:41away with a sadness for your misery.
04:45Gotta kick your ass.
04:47All right, that's it.
04:49Couldn't see that coming.
04:52It's so nice to have the kids out.
05:12Doey!
05:13What are you doing?
05:15Painting the wall.
05:16What is the matter with you?
05:18Why on earth would you do this?
05:21The baby told me to.
05:23The ba-
05:24What?
05:26This baby?
05:27Chose the color, too.
05:29I would have gone with more of an earth tone.
05:31I-
05:32Look-
05:33Listen, Sean, I know you're worried about the baby coming, but you don't have to be.
05:41Yes, you're not going to be the youngest anymore, and it is true.
05:48The baby will get all of our attention for quite a while, and you will have to do a lot
05:53more work around the house, and you'll probably have to share the bathroom.
05:56What your father's trying to say is there is no reason for you to be acting out like
06:00this.
06:01Now get this mess cleaned up, and the baby is not talking to you.
06:07I said you'd say that.
06:11Draw.
06:13Draw.
06:15Draw.
06:20Draw.
06:27Draw.
06:31Draw.
06:33One more.
06:35No!
06:36It's been four hours!
06:39All right, all right.
06:40I don't know who would design these damn cement benches anyway.
06:46Probably some stupid civil servant never made it through design class.
06:51Now he takes his frustrations out on the asses of the general public.
06:55That guy probably can't...
06:56What the hell is with that guy? He is so annoying.
06:59First it's too warm, then it's too cool, then the pigeons are walking funny.
07:03He didn't shut up for one second.
07:06I mean, give it a try. Stop complaining.
07:08No, you want to know the worst thing about him?
07:10He kept picking at his...
07:12Four, nine, seven, three, six, seven...
07:17Stop doing that.
07:19Sorry. I'll be back in a couple of hours.
07:22Wait, where are you going?
07:23I told you, I'm posing in Otto's art class tonight.
07:26Posing? As in naked?
07:29Yes, we had this conversation.
07:30No, we haven't. I remember conversations with the word naked in them.
07:35You can't strip in front of Otto.
07:37I'm not spinning my tassels on a runway, Francis.
07:41I'm modeling at an art class. It's a job.
07:44They pay $250.
07:46Piyama, I want to make sure I have to write pastels.
07:49What color are your nipples?
07:51It's all very tasteful, which is besides the point, because guess what?
07:56It's my body, so you can't tell me what to do with it.
07:59If you're not mature enough to handle this, then that's your problem.
08:05$250?
08:10Everything I knew about beauty was a lie.
08:15So this morning, Dewey tried to go to school in his underwear,
08:19because apparently the baby doesn't like his wardrobe.
08:23The kid is driving me up the wall, and I keep gaining weight like crazy.
08:28More than a pound a day.
08:30Nobody gains a pound a day.
08:32It doesn't make any sense.
08:34Oh, I know, honey. It is baffling.
08:37But look, you've just got to stop obsessing about this weight thing.
08:42Let me pour you some juice.
08:44I don't want any juice, Hal.
08:45I know what's going on.
08:47You do?
08:47Of course I do. I'm not an idiot.
08:50I'm sorry.
08:52It's just...
08:52Because I'm not working.
08:55Huh?
08:55It's obvious, Hal.
08:57Well, I'm not getting the exercise I got with the other pregnancies.
09:02With the other kids, I was on my feet all day.
09:05That makes perfect sense.
09:08Shall we stop?
09:12My sister must be so screwed up.
09:14This celery tastes exactly like bacon.
09:19Honey, listen to me.
09:21Don't make yourself crazy over a few pounds.
09:24You look amazing to me.
09:37No matter how big and round and giggly you get.
09:53Hello.
09:53Hi, Mom.
09:55Tell the baby I got the stupid pail of sand,
09:58but now the buses have stopped running,
10:00so I can't get home.
10:01Dewey?
10:03Where are you?
10:04I don't know exactly.
10:06Somewhere down by the pier.
10:08You're at the pier?
10:09Swear?
10:10Dewey, listen to me.
10:11You stay right where you are.
10:13We're coming to get you right now.
10:15Okay, but bring another pair of socks.
10:18I stepped in fish guts.
10:20Ew.
10:20What is wrong with that kid?
10:23I'm really getting worried.
10:25Let's just stay calm.
10:27We'll get in the car, go pick up some donuts,
10:29and we'll figure this out on the way.
10:31Another draw?
10:42Hey, Casey Kasem.
10:44Why don't you do everybody a favor and turn that crap down?
10:48It's not loud.
10:49I didn't say it was loud.
10:51I said it was crap.
10:55So, uh, is this all you do every day?
11:00Just hang out in the park and play chess with strangers?
11:04No.
11:04I also enjoy long walks on the beach and bubble baths.
11:12Of course, I'd have to say my greatest turn-on is honesty.
11:16So, basically, the only human contact you have is playing chess with people who can't stand you.
11:23I hate to burst your little after-school special bubble, but I'm not some kind of loser.
11:31I have a perfect life.
11:33I have a great job selling toner over the phone.
11:36I make a few calls.
11:37Bing, bang, bing.
11:38It's ten o'clock.
11:39I've got the rest of the day to myself.
11:41You can't possibly make enough money doing that.
11:44Well, I thought you were a little smarter than that, Malcolm.
11:46It's not about money.
11:48It's about freedom.
11:50I am my own man.
11:52I do what I want, when I want.
11:55I don't answer to anyone for anything.
11:58Ever.
12:01Where's my 20 bucks, Leonard?
12:03You said you'd have it on Monday.
12:05Yeah, I have it.
12:06It's right here.
12:07You know, I was looking for you.
12:09You know, I couldn't find you.
12:10And then I had some important business meetings that I had to get to.
12:15But here, 13, 14.
12:19You take cigarettes, right?
12:21I quit.
12:23Oh, good for you.
12:24That's so good.
12:25Because, you know, these things will kill you slow.
12:27That's the truth.
12:28You know, and the cost is...
12:31Give him six bucks!
12:36Hey, take it easy, George.
12:48What a dumbass!
12:49Well, I'm afraid time's up, everyone.
13:05But once again, let's thank our models for their hard work.
13:18I'm just glad I had this opportunity to give something back.
13:21You were just wonderful, as always.
13:24Well, that's what I do.
13:25Oh, and Pialma did well, too, don't you think?
13:27Francis, you have inspired me to new heights.
13:32See how I have captured the confident power of your torso,
13:36the sheer arrogance of your ass.
13:39Francis, come on, let's go.
13:41I'm talking to people here, if you don't mind.
13:47Sadly, someone's doing this with his soul,
13:50and somebody isn't.
13:51Hey, Mom.
13:57Hey, Dewey.
14:03You get in that house right now, mister!
14:06The baby did not tell you to drive the car!
14:10Well, it didn't exactly use the word car.
14:12It called it a go machine, but that's what it meant.
14:15What's this?
14:16Somebody had a birthday at the office,
14:18and nobody ate it because it's fat-free.
14:20How come it doesn't say happy birthday or anything?
14:24Well, you know, office politics,
14:26you wouldn't believe how PC some of these jerks can get.
14:29You love me
14:38With your smile so warm
14:41And your cheeks are soft
14:44There is nothing for me
14:47But to love you
14:49Just the way you love me tonight
14:54Look at this!
15:14I'm looking
15:16You're really improving, Rubio
15:20You stop making the vroom noises when you move your pieces
15:24Hey, Leonard
15:25You gotta see this
15:27Physically hurts, doesn't it?
15:33Listen, I was talking to this guy now
15:34I got you a job interview
15:36What the hell are you talking about?
15:38You are a miserable person
15:40You barely have a job
15:42And you're completely dysfunctional when it comes to communicating with people
15:46And that's my fault
15:48It's not everyone else in the world
15:50It doesn't have to be like that
15:52If you have a job where you're around people
15:55You can get used to each other
15:58And maybe turn things around
15:59Forget it
16:00I'm not wasting my time on some stupid job interview
16:03Because you have some desperate need to save yourself through me
16:07Why don't you invest some of that neurotic energy in confronting your own fear of failure?
16:13Oh, goodness
16:15The clouds have parted
16:17And I can now commit to a new life
16:19Thanks to your Oprah-esque psychological insights
16:24And now you're trying to invalidate the real issue by dancing around it with what you think is clever wordplay
16:35Screw this
16:36I'll play you for it
16:38Why bother? We draw every game
16:41Not this time
16:42Fine, but if you don't win, you never bring this crap up again
16:46You're on
16:49What kind?
16:50I'll push you for it
17:04Where's my money Leonard?
17:05Georgie... I got
17:07I got it...ah..... just the other...
17:10RUN!!!
17:15I've okayned
17:19So how much does this job pay?
17:24What are you doing?
17:26Can you hold these for a second?
17:28Sure.
17:35What's this for anyway?
17:37You'll see.
17:40Are you crazy?
17:45It wasn't my idea.
17:47The baby told me to.
17:49Wait a minute.
17:50Mom's baby?
17:52You think mom's baby talks to you?
17:54Yes!
17:55It's telling me to do all these crazy things.
18:00Let me give you a little advice.
18:02You've got to ignore the voices.
18:04They are not on your side.
18:06And you never tell anyone about them.
18:08Especially your teachers.
18:10They get panicky for no reason.
18:13You understand?
18:14I think so.
18:15Atta boy.
18:16You're going to be okay.
18:18Oh!
18:19This is a terrible idea.
18:24No, this is just what you need.
18:26Remember?
18:27Job.
18:28People.
18:28A life.
18:29Why here?
18:31Because this is the only guy I know that would trade a job interview for a Hong Kong food lunchbox.
18:36Greetings, earthlings.
18:38You've got to be kidding me.
18:43Trust me.
18:44I know it's going to be hard.
18:46But if you can just keep your mouth shut for five minutes with this guy, you're home free.
18:51I'm waiting, princess.
18:52I'm waiting, princess.
19:02My resume?
19:04Hey?
19:04Forget this.
19:07You can't learn anything from a resume.
19:09So, tell me about your employment history.
19:13Well, I am...
19:18Interesting.
19:19You know, I like to think of Lucky Aid as a kind of family.
19:24And in this family, I'd be your father.
19:29And as a father, there might be things I might ask of you that don't make sense, but you do it because I'm your father.
19:37No sassing back, just do it.
19:41Understand?
19:46I think so.
19:48Now, who are you in this family?
19:52Are you the second cousin?
19:55Or maybe the kooky aunt?
19:57Well, you know, I've always kind of seen myself in the role of the younger brother.
20:13Eager to learn.
20:15I never had a brother.
20:22Well, I'm here.
20:23We can get started in a moment.
20:25Francis, I didn't call you.
20:29Yes, I noticed.
20:31I can't do your job and mine, Gloria.
20:35What, there's no camembert?
20:36You expect me to have my wine without any camembert?
20:40That ruins my entire aesthetic.
20:42Francis.
20:43Forget it.
20:44I work without cheese.
20:49Who is this?
20:51That's Jeremy, our model for the evening.
20:54That's why I didn't call you.
20:56Francis, we have already sketched your fabulous haunches.
21:01And now it is time for us to examine the interplay of light and shadow on Jeremy's love handles.
21:09That's it?
21:11That's how it ends?
21:12Francis, you just casually discard me like yesterday's fish after you've sucked out the essence of my soul?
21:20Francis, please try to understand.
21:22No, I don't understand.
21:24I let you see every color in the spectrum of my being and you rejected it.
21:31Someday, you'll realize what you turned your back on and you will curse yourself for your venality and your short-sightedness.
21:39But by then it will be too late because I will be gone.
21:46Yes, gone.
21:47Um, get on my robe.
22:04Craig's been yammering non-stop for almost an hour.
22:07He even made Leonard follow him into the bathroom.
22:10But Leonard's tough.
22:10Now, let's talk about respect.
22:15Not self-respect, but respect for one's superiors.
22:21Now, I remember at time, think quick!
22:24That's just a little management test I came up with to see whether you're the type of person who confronts problems head-on or avoids them.
22:33Which one were you?
22:34Good.
22:54And I see that you have no spine.
22:59Welcome aboard.
23:00Come back in an hour and we'll get you a tradie vest and a name tag.
23:07Congratulations.
23:08I knew you could do it.
23:10Oh, my God.
23:12That guy's an idiot.
23:14You only had to do an interview with him.
23:17Try having dinner with that jackass and his stupid cat.
23:20The cat can't be any stupider than this guy.
23:22This moron just tried to use a Barbie doll to explain the hygiene procedures.
23:26Brother, huh?
23:31I think I'll stay an only child, thank you.
23:48Mom!
23:50Dad!
23:52Dewey!
23:54Oh, right.
24:05I haven't had it with you, Dewey.
24:08I have enough of my mind without having to deal with this.
24:12But the baby said...
24:13Listen to me.
24:14That baby is not talking to you.
24:16Honey, just try to calm down, okay?
24:18I'll make you some tea.
24:19You have to stop using this as an excuse to get attention, because it is not going to work.
24:26Now, I don't want to hear another word about you talking to that baby.
24:29Understand?
24:31Baby says to turn around.
24:33What?
24:40How?
24:41Craig, you don't take yours with maple syrup?
24:47Craig was pretty upset.
24:49He wouldn't come out of the photo booth for two hours.
24:54Where's Leonard?
24:55Has anyone seen Leonard?
24:57He told me to give this to you.
24:59Malcolm, I moved away.
25:05But I want to thank you for confirming everything I said about people being giant jackasses.
25:11One day you'll understand.
25:13People like us will never belong.
25:18What does it mean, people like us?
25:19I hate when you do that.
25:28If you have something to say, just say it.
25:30That is so annoying.
25:49What does it mean, people like us?
26:09What is it what does it mean?
26:12What does it mean?
26:16Bye.