Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 2 Humilithon
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00:00Learning all kinds of new things. I got lots of responsibility. I'm actually making some good money.
00:05Hey, good for you.
00:07Dad, listen. I know I owe you guys a lot of money, and I want to start paying you back.
00:11So I'm sending you $50 this month. And then my plan is...
00:15What do you need $50 for?
00:17No, I'm sending you $50.
00:19Francis, I can't spare $50.
00:21No, I'm sending you the money to start...
00:24Just give him the $50. We have to go.
00:26Alright, your mother says it's okay, but we have to go.
00:30Yes, no, maybe
00:34I don't know
00:38Can you repeat the question?
00:43You're not the boss of me now
00:45You're not the boss of me now
00:48You're not the boss of me now
00:50And you're not so big
00:53You're not the boss of me now
00:56You're not the boss of me now
00:59You're not the boss of me now
01:01You're not so big
01:04Life is unfair
01:08It's the first day of school
01:18Everyone else is bummed
01:20But I'm actually excited about it
01:22I'm officially done with junior high
01:24I'm not a crowboy anymore
01:26I can be whatever I want to be
01:29I don't have to worry about labels or clicks or who's cool
01:32I'm going into high school
01:34By the way, this is an excited twitch
01:38Not a nervous twitch
01:39Can we please just eat our breakfast and stop all this complaining?
01:44But I don't understand
01:46Why do we have to volunteer for the whole first week?
01:49Because we got caught, Hal
01:51We ducked out for 12 years
01:53They were bound to get us eventually
01:55Dewey, come here
01:57Listen, you're going to be coming home from school at 3 o'clock this year
02:01So, this is the key to the house
02:03You will come straight home
02:05You will let yourself in
02:06And you will be in this house alone until your brothers get here exactly 15 minutes later
02:11And not one second more!
02:14We're giving this to you because we trust you
02:17Congratulations
02:19You're now a latchkey kid
02:210.4 miles to go
02:25Malcolm, if any big kids bother you, you go straight to your old teacher
02:29I'm not going to Mr. Herkaby for anything
02:320.2
02:33Why not? He's the new dean of discipline
02:35Talk about having friends in high places
02:38He's not a friend, he's a psychopath
02:40He's been out to get me since the day we met
02:43He actually told me that
02:45What the heck is wrong with this stupid car?
02:48I've gone 30 miles since the gaslight came on last night
02:52And we're still going
02:53Hal, look! There's the parking lot
02:55You can let us out here
02:57Yeah, Dad, here's good
02:57Don't be silly, we're all going to the same place
03:00Hal, look!
03:01A spot right up front, right next to the cheerleaders
03:04Thanks for what you did back there
03:08Firecracker did all the work
03:10That's the good thing about cheerleaders, they stampede easy
03:12Let's get inside before Mom and Dad see
03:14Ah, the golden boy has returned
03:17Release the doves
03:18Hi, Mr. Herkaby
03:19And you must be Reese
03:21I have been thoroughly briefed on you
03:24And if you do one thing wrong
03:26I'm going to go medieval on your permanent record
03:28Ask yourself
03:30Whatever happened to the old dean of discipline?
03:35Mr. Herkaby!
03:37Good morning
03:38It is so exciting being here on the first day of school
03:41Yes, it's like being at the cockfights
03:43Before they open the cages
03:45So the two hours a day, does that include travel time?
03:48Because there was a lot of traffic
03:50So, you'll be handing out health forms
03:53And you report to the Northfield
03:57Can't we do something together?
03:58Let me check
03:59Uh, no
04:02But don't we both feel better knowing we tried?
04:07Hi, I'm so sorry
04:08I opened your horse for you in two minutes
04:11We're a little short-handed today
04:12I had to help make breakfast
04:14You'll be riding Sparky here
04:15I'll get him saddled right up for you
04:17Would you like a croissant while you wait?
04:20Oh, sorry
04:21Good morning, Frances!
04:23What a beautiful day!
04:26Otto, can I talk to you?
04:27Yeah
04:27How is your lovely wife?
04:30You should start having babies right away
04:33And you must breastfeed
04:35Yeah, listen
04:36What happened to Bill and Andy?
04:37Neither one of them showed up for their shifts today
04:40Bill and Andy are on vacation, I thought I told you
04:43Well, who's supposed to be covering for them?
04:45Let us have a look
04:46Ah, here
04:48You see?
04:50Alex and Dan are filling in
04:52No, you will let them go fishing until next Wednesday
04:55Otto, I think it's wonderful that you're so accommodating
04:58But sometimes you just have to say no
05:00I mean, you're running a business
05:01Wait a second
05:03Is that the same dog from July?
05:12Orientation North Hall 2-6
05:14Alright
05:18It's okay, I'll find it
05:20It's cool
05:21Is this the North Quad?
05:29Oh, man
05:32Malcolm!
05:36Malcolm!
05:38Hey, silly
05:39We're over here
05:41Malcolm!
05:43Have you looked at these four-shot tests they're calling maps?
05:47Yeah, they're confusing
05:48But do you guys think you can talk a little softly?
05:50I'm ready
05:51To cry
05:53They're not to scale
05:54How do we expect anyone to use a map that's not to scale?
05:58Guys
05:58Come on
05:59This is exciting
06:00I mean
06:02I'm so disoriented
06:03Get me away from that heavy machinery
06:06What are you doing?
06:12I told you we should have taken a dry run last week
06:15But no
06:16Gapney's an alarmist
06:18Well, now look where we are
06:20Fill out both health forms and your emergency contact card
06:24And feel free to button your top
06:26Boys like a little mystery
06:28This is fun
06:33I don't know why we avoided this for so long
06:36Boys like behind music
06:38Little John
06:39Laura
06:40No
06:43I don't want you to enjoy the sale
06:44Did you wait in a morning in the morning?
06:45Look at that
06:47They call me
06:48They call me
06:49Big truck
06:51Big truck
06:52AbShould
06:55May ещё
06:57Mine!
07:13Mine!
07:20Mine.
07:21Okay, so yesterday wasn't too bad.
07:27I didn't make any new friends, but I did manage to avoid all my old ones.
07:32I'll make it up to them once I'm popular.
07:34Am I kidding? No, I won't.
07:37Malcolm! Malcolm!
07:40This is the spot where we'll meet for lunch, okay?
07:46Malcolm, did you hear her?
07:51Here you go. Thanks.
08:00Hi, I can take over from here.
08:03Thank you very much.
08:14Excuse me, I can't use this book. I need to switch.
08:17What did you do?
08:20Nothing. I...
08:21You can't bring the book back in this condition.
08:23No, I just got it like this.
08:25I don't think so.
08:26If you want another book, you're gonna have to pay $40 for it.
08:29Next!
08:34Mom.
08:35You have to talk to this lady. She won't let me return this book.
08:38Oh, my God. What did you do to your pants?
08:42What?
08:44Oh, for crying out loud. How did you get a stain there already?
08:49Mom, come on.
08:50It wasn't there this morning.
08:52Mom, stop. It's no big deal.
08:54No big deal?
08:55You begged me for these pants.
08:58You almost started crying in the store when I wasn't gonna buy them for you.
09:02And now, look what you did to them.
09:05That looks like that's coming from the inside.
09:08Mom, leave me alone. You're embarrassing me.
09:11Oh, I am not embarrassing you.
09:14Would you be embarrassed by this?
09:17No. See? Come on.
09:18See if we can find some club soda and get that out.
09:25Justice...
09:27is swift.
09:30I also think we should have meatloaf on Mondays and not on Tuesdays
09:34so we can have an extra day of meatloaf sandwiches.
09:37I also think the tables should be in front of the TV
09:42and the couch should be in front of the refrigerator.
09:47I also think there should be hand-me-ups instead of hand-me-downs.
09:50I think kids should be able to steer.
09:52And I think school should be only four hours a day
09:54and should be held on top of the building.
09:59I also think...
10:01Okay, Angela comes back tomorrow so she can cover for Todd on the nature hike
10:05and that way Todd to help out in the kitchen which will free up Sonia to do the hayride.
10:10It is such a good plan.
10:14Angela's vacation is over, right?
10:17I extended it.
10:19It rained your first two days.
10:25Kiss your mint.
10:26Okay, gotta make up some ground.
10:31Here's what I'm gonna do.
10:33Be the first freshman with a girlfriend.
10:35It's worth a shot, right?
10:37I was gonna give it a few weeks before asking someone out.
10:40Wait till I liked some girls, she liked me, whatever.
10:44But I'll just move it up.
10:48Hi.
10:49Oh, hey Stane.
10:50What?
10:52Hey Stane.
10:55Stane.
11:01Hey Stane.
11:03Yo Stane, what's up?
11:08Don't pass out.
11:10Breathe in through your nose.
11:12You can pull this out.
11:13Will you be my girlfriend?
11:15How's it going?
11:17Look, every bulletin is lined up perfectly with the one next to it.
11:20And the one above and below.
11:22Thumbtacks just bring out this side in me.
11:24Oh, no.
11:25You can pull this out.
11:27Will you be my girlfriend?
11:29You can pull this out.
11:31Will you be my girlfriend?
11:33How's it going?
11:34Look, every bulletin is lined up perfectly with the one next to it.
11:37And the one above and below.
11:39Thumbtacks just bring out this side in me.
11:42Very nice.
11:44You know, it's weird being back in high school.
11:47But it's kind of fun too.
11:49Brings back memories.
11:51Yeah, does it?
11:53Well, what have we here?
11:55Have you finished cleaning up the cigarette butts on the football field?
11:58I'll get to it.
12:00You know, we alone determine how much we get out of any given experience.
12:05I said, I'll get to it.
12:14Jerkaby.
12:16You're so bad.
12:19Am I?
12:22What's that look?
12:26You're dreaming.
12:29Forget it. Don't be stupid.
12:31There are too many people around me get caught for sure.
12:36It wouldn't be fun.
12:39It wouldn't be comfortable.
12:44There's no good place.
12:48It's utility closet will be locked for sure.
12:54There's no room for two people in here.
12:59Poppa loves Mambo.
13:00Mamala's Mambo.
13:01Look at him sway with it, getting so gay with it.
13:16Shout no lay with it. Wow!
13:18Gettin' so gay with it, shoutin' ol' lay with it, wow.
13:23Papa loves Mambo.
13:27Mama loves Mambo.
13:30Papa does great with it, swings like a gate with it.
13:34He losin' weight with it now.
13:39Hey, Malcolm.
13:41I'm the fool.
13:42I'm the one who thought there was such a thing as kindness and decency in life.
13:47Okay.
13:48Mr. Hercubey, Mr. Hercubey.
13:53Uh, listen, I've spent the last half hour thinking,
13:59and now that I've had a chance to cool off,
14:03I just wanted to apologize for earlier.
14:06Oh?
14:07Yeah, I mean, you were just doing your job.
14:10Well, your apology is noted and not accepted.
14:14What?
14:15Come on, I said I was sorry.
14:17Well, it's a little late for that.
14:20You are hereby expelled from the program.
14:23What?
14:24Remove yourself from school property immediately.
14:26Good day, sir.
14:31It's just so exciting to be part of something from the very beginning.
14:36Stain.
14:37It's classic.
14:39It's one of those rare nicknames that will stick with the person forever.
14:42Because they are so perfect in their cruelty.
14:45Hey, you know what's weird?
14:47It's actually wiping out my memory of your old name.
14:50Is it Monty?
14:52Marco?
14:54Murgatroyd?
14:54That pompous little Martinet.
14:58You should have seen his face.
14:59Hell, it's crazy to be upset by this.
15:03You didn't want to do it anyway.
15:04He didn't know that.
15:06That means he thinks he won.
15:07Which means I think I lost.
15:09But not for long, Lois.
15:10Oh, oh, not for long.
15:12I want it delivered at 3 o'clock.
15:15I don't mean on the truck at 3 o'clock.
15:18I mean here at 3 o'clock.
15:21Not 3.05.
15:22Not 3.10.
15:243 o'clock.
15:27Click.
15:27My son will sign for it.
15:31Hi, you called for a massage?
15:33Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:34Come on in.
15:35Just set up right there.
15:38This is so great.
15:40I hope you're getting the lower back pain.
15:43Uh, yeah, absolutely.
15:45I specialize in vertebrae, sciatic impactions of the back.
15:52Oh, that sounds perfect.
15:56Happy anniversary, honey.
15:58I'm going to be in the salon.
16:00Take your time.
16:05Face up or face down?
16:07Why?
16:07What are you going to do to me?
16:08The massage.
16:11Oh, yeah.
16:15Oh, there it is.
16:22Oh, yeah, baby.
16:24Oh.
16:25Oh.
16:30Oh.
16:33Oh.
16:34Oh.
16:36Oh.
16:37Oh.
16:38That's the sign of a goodness thought.
16:42Oh.
16:43That means I'm totally relaxed.
16:51Oh.
16:52Oh.
16:53Oh.
16:53Oh.
16:54Oh.
16:54Oh.
16:55Oh.
16:55Oh.
16:56Oh.
16:56Oh.
16:57Oh.
16:58Oh.
16:58Oh.
16:58Oh.
16:58Oh.
16:59Oh.
17:00Oh.
17:00Oh.
17:01Oh.
17:01Oh.
17:01Oh.
17:01Oh.
17:02Oh.
17:02Oh.
17:02Oh.
17:02Oh.
17:02Oh.
17:34We don't mean to inflict ourselves on you, but there's no other places.
18:04Look, we know you've had a rough couple of days, but things are about to get better.
18:10We joined the chess club.
18:14They love geniuses.
18:16I was voted king.
18:18I'm the queen, which is actually the more powerful position.
18:22And they're excited to meet you, too.
18:24I told them your opinion on illusion defense.
18:27It raised a few eyebrows, but you're as good as in.
18:34I don't deserve you guys.
18:36I'm sorry I ignored you, and I appreciate the gesture, but you're really better off without me.
18:42Oh, come on.
18:43Will you get off this sulking thing?
18:46Since when do you care what other people think of you?
18:49Cynthia, don't do this.
18:51Malcolm, you hate everyone.
18:53To you, everyone's either a moron or a creep or a poser.
18:57Why do you suddenly care about their opinion of you?
19:01Because I'm shallow, okay?
19:05I want them to like me.
19:09It's not so bad, Malcolm.
19:12It's only the first week.
19:13You have like four years of high school left.
19:16It's okay.
19:19I spent three years being a crowboy.
19:22I could spend four years being a joke.
19:24Malcolm, you're not a joke.
19:27Hey, stain-o-later.
19:28Bruce Springsteen.
19:37What are you doing?
19:40Mopping.
19:41In five minutes, I will have my two hours, and that will discharge my obligation to the
19:46volunteer program.
19:48Oh, no, it does not.
19:49Because you have been expelled.
19:51All I know is I've been mopping, and this floor looks pretty darn clean to me.
19:57But that was unauthorized mopping.
20:00It is spotless.
20:02And maybe we should just see whether the principal thinks it's a job well done.
20:08This isn't even clean.
20:11Don't you dare.
20:14Don't.
20:20Now, let's see if you're on.
20:25Now, let's see if you're on.
20:30Now, let's see if you're on.
20:32Now, let's see if you're on.
20:34Now, let's see if you're on.
20:34Now, let's see if you're on.
20:36Now, let's see if you're on.
20:37Now, let's see if you're on.
20:38Now, let's see if you're on.
20:39Now, let's see if you're on.
20:40Now, let's see if you're on.
20:41Now, let's see if you're on.
20:42Now, let's see if you're on.
20:43Now, let's see if you're on.
20:44Now, let's see if you're on.
20:45Now, let's see if you're on.
20:46Now, let's see if you're on.
20:47Now, let's see if you're on.
20:48Now, let's see if you're on.
20:49I'd just like to say, in my defense, he started it.
21:06Francis, there you are. Look at you tidying up.
21:18Otto, we have to talk.
21:19We will talk tomorrow. Come, I want to show you something.
21:22No! Tomorrow I may be leading aerobics again.
21:25Or faking my way through a wine tasting seminar.
21:28Or playing the prostitute in the Old West stunt show.
21:31That was you!
21:33The way you run this place, sometimes it's not being nice.
21:37It's being careless and foolish.
21:40Look.
21:45Yes, it's a truck.
21:47Look, Otto, I don't want to leave you behind.
21:49It is your truck.
21:50What?
21:51I saw it. I thought of you.
21:53Your car blew up. I thought this would be a good thing for you.
21:58You see, this is what I'm talking about.
22:02You are the best boss ever.
22:05I wish I could tell you to take a few days and drive at some blaze night.
22:11But we're a little shorthanded.
22:13I understand. Believe me.
22:15Ha! Just kidding! Go! Take a week! Have fun!
22:21Malcolm!
22:23Malcolm!
22:24Malcolm!
22:25Hey, come to the Y with me.
22:28I think a good yoga class would really help center you.
22:32And there are boys.
22:34Mom's here!
22:35What?
22:36Dad got in trouble. Mom is freaking out.
22:39Whatever you do, stay out of her way.
22:41Oh, my God. I know what I'm gonna do.
22:46What are you talking about?
22:49I'm gonna get sent to military school.
22:55Malcolm!
22:57Malcolm!
23:01What are you doing?
23:02My dad has a higher key.
23:05Here we go.
23:09I don't want to be a stickler, but you don't have the right decal for this lot.
23:13Malcolm, stop this. You don't have a license.
23:17That's okay. I'm just gonna crash into my mom's car.
23:19This is crazy, Malcolm!
23:25This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
23:28No, it's not. It's smart.
23:30I just take this car and crash into that car.
23:33Then I'll be in military school just like Francis was.
23:36It'll be paradise.
23:40Somebody with me! Stop him!
23:44Love of God, your sure tail's stuck in the door!
23:46Take me with you!
23:49What's going on? I don't know, man.
23:53Stop!
23:55I won't let you do this!
23:56I would rather die than be left alone with Mom!
23:59Get out of the way!
24:00No! You can run me over!
24:02I don't care!
24:12Malcolm!
24:14If you do this, I will never have sex with you again!
24:20Again!
24:21They had sex?
24:22They had sex with her?
24:23My kid had sex?
24:26She's a slut!
24:28She's a big slut!
24:30Oh my God, what a slut!
24:32Wow, I could've really learned a lesson from this, but all I can think about right now is how the whole school is convinced that I had sex!
24:43Get out of that car this instant!
24:46What the heck is wrong with you?
24:48Here, take my pancakes.
24:51Oh, and I did your laundry.
24:52I fold them warm so they wouldn't wrinkle.
24:55Reese, I'm not gonna tell you about it.
24:57It didn't even happen.
24:59Okay.
25:00Where did it happen?
25:01Son, I know it's been tough for you spending all your time by yourself after school.
25:11I've been trying to adjust.
25:13Well, guess what?
25:14You don't have to anymore.
25:15That's all over now.
25:17I rearranged my schedule so I can get home earlier.
25:22Isn't that great?
25:23We're gonna spend a lot more time together.
25:25What do you say this weekend you helped me clean out the garage?
25:55You're welcome.
25:57I'll see you next weekend.
25:58I'll see you next week.
26:01Yeah, we'll be right back.
26:03I'll see you next week.
26:04I'm out of the back.
26:05I'll see you next week.
26:06Yeah, we'll be right back.
26:08All right, guys.
26:09Bye.
26:10Bye.
26:13See ya.
26:14Bye.