Malcolm In The Middle Season 5 Episode 5 Malcolm Films Reese
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00:00Come on, we can't, we'll wake up a baby.
00:07That is what old reliable is for.
00:12Besides, babies at this age don't remember anything.
00:30What is wrong with you? You two ruin everything!
00:42Look what you've done to this shirt!
00:44You saw the price tag and you knew I just bought it!
00:47This has become a daily event.
00:50She actually pays more attention to them than to us.
00:55Maybe that's not a bad thing.
00:56Do you think I can afford to keep on buying new clothes?
01:03Honey, come on, hey, enough is enough.
01:06Look, I want you to go out and buy a new washer and dryer.
01:08You know we can't afford that?
01:11Look, I wasn't going to say anything yet,
01:13but you know all those crappy stock options I've been getting instead of bonuses?
01:17Well, I think they're finally going to be worth something.
01:21There have been people flying back and forth to New York
01:23and all these closed-door meetings.
01:26I think that merger is finally going through.
01:29Oh, well, that would be wonderful.
01:33Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
01:35Don't want to be late for school today.
01:37I'm handing in my diorama.
01:39No, no, no!
02:0216 weeks of intermediate psychology and you can't classify a simple test case?
02:08I thought at least your ears were functional, Carnarvon.
02:12I know castration complex when I see it.
02:17I'm trying to get you to go beyond convenient labels.
02:21To quote Blake,
02:22Blake, to generalize is to be a fool.
02:26Idiot.
02:27Excuse me?
02:28Blake wrote, to generalize is to be an idiot.
02:34Welcome.
02:35Whoa, people!
02:36I want progress reports on your term projects!
02:39I have to talk to Hercubey for a second.
02:41Will you wait at it?
02:43Got Jim.
02:44Have to change.
02:46My tires.
02:49Mr. Hercubey,
02:51you still haven't given me my term project.
02:54I've been asking you every day for a month.
02:56Malcolm, you make it sound like I'm trying to sabotage
02:59your impeccable grade point average.
03:01Please just give me something so I can get started.
03:03All right, tell you what,
03:03why don't you come by my office at lunch
03:05and I'll give you your assignment.
03:07Your office?
03:09Why is everybody so afraid of my office?
03:14A reminder,
03:15class officer ballots could be picked up
03:17at the registrar's office.
03:19JV basketball practice will again be held
03:21in the auxiliary gym.
03:22Oh, and Patty Lynn committed a code nine
03:24in the library and is hereby suspended.
03:30I trust the stick of gum was worth it.
03:35Ah, Malcolm.
03:38You have waited very patiently for your term project.
03:42And today, your patience pays off.
03:46Here.
03:48What's this?
03:49You are holding a video surveillance camera.
03:52The lens is in the logo
03:54and the video is transmitted via wireless signal
03:56to this digital tape recorder.
04:00What am I supposed to do with it?
04:01You are going to secretly conduct
04:03an in-depth case study
04:05of a deviant mind.
04:07The most deviant mind
04:09that we have at our disposal.
04:11A mind incapable of differentiating
04:13between right and wrong.
04:15A disease.
04:16You're talking about my brother.
04:18Yes.
04:19And you want me to secretly videotape him.
04:21Around you, he'll relax,
04:22let his guard down,
04:23begin to talk about himself.
04:25These disciplinary files
04:27reveal nothing of the real Reese.
04:29What you're asking me to do
04:32is creep you on about
04:33a hundred different levels.
04:35You have one week.
04:38The newspaper is here.
04:41The newspaper is here.
04:42The newspaper is here.
04:45You know those come out every day, right?
04:47No, no.
04:48Today is the day.
04:50Our review appears
04:51in the lifestyle section.
04:54Charles Cockrey himself came out.
04:56He only does the biggies.
04:57Francis, you'll read it.
05:00I'm too nervous.
05:07A visit to the grotto
05:09raises many questions.
05:11Foremost among them,
05:13how could a kind and loving God
05:15grant these monsters
05:16a hotel license?
05:19From the swinish cretins
05:20posing as staff members,
05:22up to and including cuisine
05:25that would embarrass
05:26an orphanage?
05:28The grotto is quite simply
05:30the worst hotel
05:31in the history of the world.
05:37I'm sorry.
05:38I was so nervous.
05:40I wasn't even listening.
05:42Start again.
05:43Hey, have you seen
05:55Dewey anywhere?
05:56I want to try something out on him.
05:57No.
05:59So, uh,
06:00how are you?
06:01Huh?
06:03I'm just curious
06:04how you're...
06:06feeling.
06:07How the hell should I know?
06:09Well, are you happy?
06:11Are you sad?
06:14Like when you laugh.
06:15You're feeling that something's funny.
06:17Like when I tripped Arthur Hall
06:18and his retainer
06:19went flying out of his mouth
06:20into a pile of dog crap?
06:22That was awesome.
06:24So you think it's funny
06:26when other people get hurt?
06:28I think it's funny
06:29when you shut up.
06:30Okay.
06:31Okay.
06:33Hey, they laugh at me.
06:35People laugh at you?
06:39Yeah, people laugh at me.
06:42But not for long.
06:44So,
06:44what you're saying is
06:46when people laugh at you
06:48it hurts.
06:49And then you want to
06:50make them hurt too?
06:54No.
06:55What I'm saying is
06:56if you want to talk like a girl
06:58go find a girl
06:59and take this with you.
07:01Oh!
07:04Oh.
07:05See?
07:06It is funny.
07:07Oh.
07:09The 4400 has
07:10the dual speed rinse cycle?
07:12Mm-hmm.
07:14No.
07:14No, I placed my order
07:15four days ago.
07:16I just like talking about it.
07:20Hi, Philly.
07:21How was school?
07:22Good.
07:22Great.
07:23I was definitely there.
07:25Eight times five.
07:26Forty.
07:28What are you...
07:29Hello?
07:31Hello?
07:32Hi, honey.
07:33What have you heard?
07:33You're kidding.
07:38Well, who was at the meeting?
07:39Everybody.
07:40People have been running in and out of the boardroom all day.
07:44Now, I've just been playing Tetris.
07:46Oh, here he comes.
07:47Here he comes.
07:47Tal?
07:56Tal?
07:58Mr. Fortenberry?
08:01Could you pull my jacket up over my head?
08:06Sure.
08:07Hi, Mom.
08:31Hi, Dad.
08:31Oh, my God.
08:32Unbelievable.
08:33The whole company is under investigation.
08:38They used the pension fund to buy a recording studio for the CEO's girlfriend.
08:43Oh, hell, this is horrible.
08:45Okay.
08:46Okay.
08:47Don't worry about this.
08:48We're going to figure this out somehow.
08:58Hello, Jean.
08:59It's Lois.
09:02Order 387669289-1.
09:07I'm afraid I have to cancel.
09:08Oh, great.
09:11The Flagstaff Elks just canceled their convention here.
09:15Who can blame them?
09:16That review was horrible.
09:18Hey, Otto, how's it going?
09:21We going to get out of the robe today?
09:23Innkeeper of the Year.
09:27That is the lie of the century.
09:34Otto, what are you doing?
09:35You worked hard for that award.
09:37What was that, Francis?
09:39I couldn't hear you over the crackle of my failure.
09:55I have dreams where I sing really high, like that Saturday Night Fever guy.
10:02Okay.
10:02Well, you were sort of asking me about, you know, stuff.
10:08I thought you wanted to know.
10:10I do want to know.
10:14Is your head cold?
10:15Mine is.
10:16No.
10:17It's okay.
10:21So, you were singing in this dream?
10:24Yeah.
10:24And there were all these clouds around me.
10:27You like clouds?
10:28Yeah, I like clouds.
10:29I call them sky kittens.
10:33This is so weird.
10:35I've never told any of this to anyone.
10:37It's like you're another wishing hole.
10:40What's a wishing hole?
10:42You don't have a wishing hole?
10:43No.
10:44Oh, man.
10:45You got to get one.
10:46Mine's in a tree on Jefferson Street.
10:48You could ask your wishing hole for anything.
10:51It never calls you stupid or perv.
10:53My hole always keeps my wishes safe.
10:57It's like a bank for wishes.
11:01It's extraordinary footage.
11:03Yeah, but I only got it by doing something totally dishonest.
11:06I'm not doing this anymore.
11:08What?
11:09Why would you stop now when you could go so much deeper?
11:12He took me to his wishing hole.
11:15Malcolm, he wants to talk to you.
11:18Be his friend.
11:19He trusted me, and I exploited him.
11:22That's called being a good interviewer.
11:23It's called being a liar.
11:25He's my brother.
11:26I'm not giving you another assignment.
11:28Fine.
11:28I'll just make up the class in summer school.
11:31But I quit.
11:32I'm not giving you another assignment.
12:02I'm not giving you another assignment.
12:32All kinds of negative trans-ference.
12:45Starting with...
12:46Well done, Stevie.
12:49I think we could all just fill in the blanks from there.
12:51now we have just enough time for one more presentation and our friend Malcolm is going
13:08to amaze us for a fascinating update of the Milgram experiment Milgram experiment oh something you
13:17don't know Malcolm the Milgram experiment was a lesson in the power of authority a subject was
13:23asked by a man in a lab coat to administer an electric shock to a third party Milgram proved
13:30the people will blindly follow an authority figure even if it means harming an innocent
13:38stranger what are you doing in our version the stranger will be replaced by a close family
13:44member and the electric shock will be replaced by devastating emotional trauma let's watch yeah I
13:55like clouds I call them sky kittens it's troubling isn't it how willing someone is to sell out his
14:04own brother knowing full well that it's exactly that kind of juicy gossip that would compel each
14:10of you to run into the quad and spread this throughout the school like wildfire hey that
14:15is no welcome I am teaching it's called being a liar he's my brother and I exploited him a liar he's my
14:26brother and I exploited him and I exploited him you never said you were taping me I never said I was
14:35taping him I wish Malcolm and I'll be friends forever breathtaking isn't it now none of us can know if we
14:56would do that to a loved one just because a man in a proverbial lab coat asked us to all we can know for
15:02certain is that Malcolm did tomorrow Katie reports on post-traumatic stress disorder in fruit flies
15:14hey you made me look like a total jerk you tricked me tricked you oh how could I a humble school
15:30administrator making low-fi figures be any match for the great and powerful Malcolm never underestimate
15:38your adversary you may consider yourself my moral and intellectual superior but this is clearly proven
15:43you were neither we played the game and I won
15:49well it looks as if neither of us is going anywhere for a while
16:07perhaps I said some things that you may have taken the wrong way
16:15anyway I bought you something name brand fabric softener oh look at this our chief financial
16:28officer had his dog on the board of directors I had to cc him on every memo mom dad I have a question
16:36about school let's say you're making a lot of money I mean so much money that the idea of going to school
16:43is you have to go to school but what if you're already making like four or five hundred dollars a
16:47week yeah do you start making four or five hundred dollars a week you can quit school okay
16:53I got a hole you can wish into
17:08this is an official apology I'm a terrible person and I'm sorry what I did was horrible even by our
17:24standards and let's face it we've set the bar pretty low look I'm begging you tell me what I can do to
17:31fix it anything just just say it and I'll do it sure fly backwards around the earth like
17:40Superman and turn back time to before I thought we liked each other I still can't believe you
17:49convinced the newspaper to give us another review honey you of all people know how persuasive I can be
17:55you cried like a baby he is here everyone act normal
18:02welcome to the grotto
18:07ah the grotto upon entering one wonders which of the five senses is most brutally violated
18:18did you have a nice driver sight and smell immediately burst into the lead as the obsequious
18:28innkeeper offers his sweaty slab of a hand like a bear taught to be friendly in hopes of a sugar cube
18:36mr. cutler if you were just and the pleading vultures immediately begin to circle their outlet mall attire creating such a vortex of misery that one loses the strength to even ask for a parking validation I'll take that for you sir
18:54in a pathetic nod to diversity they trot out the token native employee that's my wife
19:05not content to merely ruin the vacations of a single generation some of the employees decide to mate
19:14and breed the mind reels the thought of an endless stream of baboon like hoteliers spewed out of the
19:23loins of the I don't know I'm sorry I don't know what happened it was like someone else was punching him
19:29yeah it was me here's some of his hair if you need to put it on ice or something
19:35one recalls fiercer butt kickings meted out in a preschool playground the wounds are superficial the bruising
19:46patterns unpersuasive and never before has one seen such a grotesque ceiling
19:53frankly blue is not
19:55hey there's mr. curtis see he's using pete the muffin guy as a human shield
20:19come on there's just a pair of socks in there what are you doing oh my god look at all this money
20:36hell when did you hide this in here i don't remember it must have been years ago is this my jet ski fund no no we
20:47use that to get the remote control out of race there's gotta be like a thousand dollars
20:521473 who cares what it's from thank god it's here you're part of this moment son
21:00here buy yourself a pack of baseball cards
21:05why'd you do that why'd you do that fight fight fight fight
21:21animals
21:28hello north high students this is malcolm
21:49you all know the horrible thing i did to my brother reese and i'd like to publicly apologize for turning him into a laughing stock
21:57i should never have exposed his secrets and i can't turn back time i can however level the playing field
22:07i've been having impure thoughts about surely the lunch lady
22:15last month i caught a glimpse of her cleavage and i've been fantasizing about her ever since
22:22and now that i've admitted that i'm just as big a laughing stock as he is
22:29unfortunately that doesn't protect him from the rest of the school
22:33so i'm forced to bring everyone down to our level
22:37let's take a look at everyone's permanent records
22:49first up david abernoff he wasn't on a construction crew this summer he was in theater camp
22:57cheryl adams is excused from jim this week because her herpes is flaring up
23:05charlie agnew wets his bed every night during finals
23:09leslie albert forge your parents signatures to get a
23:13well mr zistics i'd say we have a half an hour to erase everything on your hard drive
23:19james allen james allen james allen he likes to eat his
23:31what's all this did you see the paper it is wonderful he actually gave us a good review
23:37there is no review they bumped it for a much more interesting story
23:43craze local attacks reviewer but what's with all the flowers
23:48they are thank yous from restaurants and hotels and art galleries charles cutler
23:54is the most hated man in the state look at these room reservations the other hotels
24:01have sent us to overflow we are booked solid through me i can't believe this guy he actually
24:09reviewed the hospital oh yeah it sounds terrible i'm never going there
24:18if you overload it you'll burn out the motor you're only supposed to use two caps of oh just let me do it
24:33well i served my three weeks suspension and i gotta say things have really changed
24:38i think i might have created the most polite high school in america
24:51for the most part hey plagiarizer hey pukes after sheets hey dad had a breakdown because mom went lesbian
25:00he actually has an amazing memory for this kind of stuff
25:13she was the most polite high school in america
25:20so
25:26there can be