The Lucy Show-S6E7: Little Old Lucy
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr. Mooney orders Lucy to dress up as an elderly woman and escort the aging bank president to the annual banquet. The old man would rather chase Lucy around his living room.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr. Mooney orders Lucy to dress up as an elderly woman and escort the aging bank president to the annual banquet. The old man would rather chase Lucy around his living room.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-Starring Gail Gordon
00:47Lucy! Lucy!
00:49Yeah, I'm in here, Mary Jane.
00:51Oh, I got it.
00:52Oh, good. I'll be with you in a minute.
00:55I'm trying on my new dress.
00:56How does it look?
00:58You'll see.
01:08How do you like it?
01:11Oh, Lucy, it's scrumptious.
01:15You'll be the belle of the ball.
01:16Really? Every woman in that place will stare at you, Lucy.
01:21Never mind the women. How about the men?
01:24When the men see you in that dress, it'll take their breath away.
01:27Well, I hope not. If this gets me a man, I want one that's still breathing.
01:33And here's the stole I promised to lend you.
01:36Oh, it's lovely.
01:38It's genuine mink.
01:40This must have cost a fortune. How could you afford this?
01:43Oh, well, I didn't buy it alone.
01:45Six of us chipped in, and we each get to use it one day a week.
01:49Oh.
01:50What does it do on the seventh day rest?
01:53Yes, and boy, does it need it.
01:55Well, I'm certainly lucky that your day is Saturday.
01:58No, my day is Tuesday. I switched with Mildred.
02:01Oh, Mildred's day is Saturday.
02:03No, her day is Wednesday.
02:06But Mildred switched with Roselle, whose day is Thursday.
02:10And Roselle switched with Irving.
02:13Irving?
02:15Irving's a bachelor. He uses it for date bait.
02:19Oh, baby, if you could only talk.
02:23Oh, you're sure you're going to be able to get this for me for Saturday?
02:27Oh, sure, but I have to get it over to Ella for tomorrow.
02:30But Ella has a date with Irving, so that saves us a day.
02:34But don't worry, honey. You'll get it by Saturday night.
02:37Oh, well, okay. I really want to thank you, Mary Jane.
02:41And I guess I should also thank Mildred and Roselle and Ella and Irving.
02:47I feel like I just won an Academy Award.
02:51Well, if they give an award at that affair for the most beautiful girl, you'll win it.
02:56Oh, I don't know about that.
02:58But I do want to look nice because there's going to be a lot of very eligible bachelors there, you know.
03:03Oh, yeah, really? What's the banquet for, Lucy?
03:06Well, it's the 50th anniversary of the founding of the bank.
03:10And the guest of honor will be the president of the entire organization, Mr. Cornelius Hetherington, Jr.
03:16Oh, the name even sounds rich.
03:19Oh, he is. He's worth millions.
03:21He has two yachts. He has homes all over the world.
03:25New York, Paris, Hawaii.
03:27Well, is he married?
03:29No.
03:30That's what I call an eligible bachelor.
03:33Well, he's also 80 years old.
03:36Well, you can't have everything.
03:39Well, I could use another man in my life, but I'd prefer a little more life than my man.
03:45I'm going to get this off. I don't want to get it wrinkled.
03:48Yeah, well, I have to write this over to Edith.
03:51Edith? Who's Edith?
03:53Oh, she's the sixth owner, and she's got a heavy date tonight.
03:57You know something? I envy that mink.
04:00It's dead, and it goes out more than I do.
04:04Now, you'd better remind the musicians that we expect them to be there at 7.30.
04:08The dinner starts promptly at 8.
04:10Yes, sir.
04:11Oh, be sure and check with the florist, too.
04:13Yes, sir.
04:14Now, I want you to follow through on every single detail.
04:17This is a very important affair. I don't want anything to go wrong.
04:20Now, don't you worry. Just leave everything to me.
04:26That's what worries me.
04:30That's what worries me.
04:34Nothing will go wrong, Mr. Mooney.
04:36Well, I certainly hope not.
04:38You know, I'm so excited about this banquet, I spent two weeks' salary on a new gown.
04:44Mrs. Mooney spent three weeks' salary on a new gown.
04:48I didn't know she worked.
04:50My salary.
04:52My salary.
04:56She bought herself one of these new evening gowns with a mini skirt.
05:00Oh, how does she look?
05:02Grotesque.
05:08Well, Mr. Mooney, you can't blame her for wanting to wear the latest styles.
05:12True, true, but mini skirts are not for her.
05:15No?
05:16No, no. She's much too bow-legged.
05:18If you ever straightened her legs out, she'd be seven feet tall.
05:25Well, is there anything else that you want me to take care of, sir?
05:28No, I think that covers everything.
05:30Oh, by the way, while you were out, the manager of the banquet hall called regarding the color scheme of the decoration.
05:37Oh, yes?
05:38And I told him to do everything in gold and green.
05:41Gold and green?
05:43Yes, sir.
05:44That sounds like a peculiar combination.
05:46But very appropriate.
05:48You see, I picked gold because it's the bank's golden anniversary.
05:51And I picked green because it's every banker's favorite color.
05:58That is entirely too obvious.
06:00Obvious?
06:01Yes, it's almost poor taste.
06:03Now, you get in touch with the banquet hall and have those colors changed to pink and purple.
06:11Pink and purple? Yuck!
06:15Pink and purple happen to be my old school colors.
06:19Now, get in touch with them and have those colors changed, please.
06:22Oh, yes, sir.
06:23Mooney?
06:24Yes, sir?
06:25Mooney, an emergency has come up, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to give up your lunch hour.
06:29That's quite all right, sir. Anything to help out, sir?
06:31Well, I was scheduled to pick up Mr. Hetherington at the airport.
06:34However, a crisis has arisen, and I have called a meeting in my office immediately with all the important vice presidents.
06:41I'll be right in, sir.
06:42Not you.
06:44You go to the airport.
06:46Oh, and, Mooney, you better bring your secretary along, too.
06:49Mr. Hetherington might want to dictate some letters on his way from the airport.
06:53Yes, sir.
06:54Oh, and, Mooney, there's one thing more.
06:55Yes, sir.
06:56I want you to decorate the banquet hall in Mr. Hetherington's favorite school colors, gold and green.
07:03Gold and green?
07:05Well, I have already ordered those colors, sir.
07:09Really? Well, that was a lucky guess.
07:12Oh, it wasn't a guess, sir.
07:14When I'm given an assignment, I check things thoroughly.
07:18Nothing gets past me, sir.
07:20Well, good thinking, Mooney.
07:22Thank you, sir.
07:40Say one word.
07:44Just one word, you're fired.
08:02Flight number 234, now arriving from Honolulu at gate 10.
08:07Mooney, that's it. That's Mr. Hetherington's flight.
08:09Oh, really? I'm so excited. Is my hair combed? Do I look all right?
08:12Oh, yes, you look fine.
08:13How's my lipstick? Is my lipstick on straight?
08:15Yes, you look perfect.
08:16I want to make a good impression on Mr. Hetherington.
08:18Look, he's just going to dictate to you, not propose.
08:20Well, I've never met a millionaire before. I just want to look my best.
08:24Well, millionaires, just like anybody else, you just treat them like normal human beings.
08:29Yeah, I know.
08:38That's it. That's it.
08:40Hello, hello, Mr. Hetherington. Mr. Hetherington, sir.
08:50Mr. Mooney, I know I'm president of the bank, but a slight bow from the waist would have been sufficient.
08:58Oh, well, I'm sorry, sir, but I tripped.
09:01I'm afraid it was all my fault.
09:03And who is this charming young lady?
09:07Oh, this is my secretary, Mrs. Carmichael.
09:10Oh, how do you do, sir?
09:13The pleasure is all mine.
09:16You have excellent taste in secretaries, Mooney.
09:20Thank you, sir.
09:22I trust you had a pleasant flight, sir?
09:25Oh, fine. I chartered the whole plane.
09:27The whole plane?
09:29Yep. That way I get the three stewardesses all for myself.
09:37It's the only way to fly.
09:46Mooney?
09:50Mrs. Carmichael, what happened?
09:51Oh, it's nothing. I'll be all right.
09:53Oh, good. Where's Mr. Mooney?
09:55Oh, he stepped out for a moment. He ought to be... Oh, there he is.
09:57Oh, Mooney, did you pick up Mr. Hetherington at the airport?
10:00Oh, yes, sir.
10:01Did you get him back to his hotel?
10:02Yes, sir, and he's very happy with his accommodation, sir.
10:05Well, good. Let us hope that he will be as happy with the lady you have selected for him to escort to the banquet tonight.
10:12The lady?
10:14Yes.
10:15But you didn't say anything about a lady, sir.
10:19I didn't think it was necessary.
10:21You said that when you were given an assignment, you checked things thoroughly.
10:26And if you had, you would have known that Mr. Hetherington never attends a social function unless he escorts a lady.
10:33Well, sir, I didn't think that a man of his age would be interested in the opposite sex.
10:40Mooney, he is old, not dead.
10:46Now, I expect you to provide a lady for him.
10:49Well, that shouldn't be too difficult, sir.
10:51I'm quite sure one of our charming female employees would be happy to go with him.
10:56Wouldn't you, Mrs. Carmichael?
11:01Me?
11:02Yes, you. And give me one good reason why not.
11:06I don't like it.
11:08Oh, that's a good reason.
11:11Mrs. Carmichael is too young and attractive.
11:14That's true.
11:16We can't have the president of the bank seem like a playboy.
11:20Oh, you're quite right, sir.
11:21We've got to have someone closer to his own age.
11:24Someone refined and wealthy and dignified and keeping with his position.
11:29Well, I'll do my best, sir. I promise you.
11:32I don't want promises. I want results.
11:35Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
11:39We better do something fast or we're in trouble.
11:42Oh, yes, we are.
11:43What do you mean, we?
11:45If anything happens to me, your job is none too secure.
11:51Now, do you know a refined, dignified, wealthy old lady?
11:56If I did, I'd have her adopt me.
11:59Mrs. Carmichael, I want help, not jokes.
12:02Well, I'd help you if I could.
12:04It's not my fault I'm too young.
12:06Yes, it is.
12:08You are late for everything. You were even born late.
12:12If I were an old lady, I'd be very honored to go with Mr. Hetherington.
12:29Mr. Mooney, what are you thinking?
12:31If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, then I don't think I like what you're thinking.
12:36All we need is a little gray hair and a makeup job.
12:39Oh, Mr. Mooney!
12:41Now, you're not going to send me on a date with that Don Juan of the Stone Age?
12:46You will make a lovely little old lady.
12:49But I can't.
12:50You can and you will.
12:54I spent two whole weeks' salary on a beautiful new dress.
12:58And now I'm not going to get to wear it.
13:01That's not being fair.
13:02All right, all right. I'll be fair.
13:05I'll give you a choice.
13:07I'll be fair. I'll give you a choice.
13:09All right.
13:10Either you'll be an old lady or you'll be an unemployed lady.
13:30Well, Cheever, how do I look, eh?
13:34Splendid, son. Splendid.
13:38You know, you're in wonderful condition for a man of your age.
13:42What do you mean, a man my age?
13:44Why, I'm in better shape than you are.
13:46Look at you. You look like a paunchy penguin.
13:50Hey, where's Mooney and my date?
13:52Oh, well, they'll be along later, sir.
13:54Tell me, what kind of a gal is she?
13:56Is she pretty? Does she have a good figure?
13:58Well, I don't know. I haven't met her.
14:00However, if Mr. Mooney selected her, sir, you may rest assured
14:04that she is refined, dignified, honest, friendly, wholesome, and trustworthy.
14:13Did she get me a date or a boy scout?
14:17Oh, I'm sure you'll like the one that he has...
14:19Oh, here they are. Come in. Come in.
14:22Mooney, you're late.
14:24Oh, well, sir, I...
14:25And you're alone.
14:26Oh, no, sir. No, no, no.
14:28No.
14:31Come on. Come on. Come on.
14:35She's a little shy, sir.
14:52Mrs. Abigail Vandermeer, may I present Mr. Harrison Cheever.
14:57How do you do?
14:58Very pleased to meet you.
15:01And your escort for the evening, Mr. Cornelius Hetherington, Jr.
15:09Hello, Junior.
15:12The pleasure is all mine.
15:15Do come in, please.
15:18Yes, sir.
15:20Won't you sit down?
15:23Yes.
15:27Uh, sir, it's getting late.
15:29Don't you think we had best leave for the banquet?
15:32Yeah, let's go.
15:33No, no, no, Rush. No, Rush, the banquet can wait.
15:36First, I think we ought to get better acquainted.
15:40Oh, that's a very good idea.
15:42I said we, not you.
15:45Yes, we'll see you later, Mooney.
15:47You too.
15:48Oh, but I...
15:49Go on. Get, get, get the both of you.
15:51Skedaddle.
15:53Hey, if you're not there, start without us.
16:03Now that we're alone, we can get on with it.
16:07Get on with what?
16:09What did you have in mind, Junior?
16:12Now we can get to know each other better.
16:15Oh, how much better?
16:18Uh, first tell me, uh, is your name Miss Vandermeer or Mrs.?
16:24Mrs.
16:25Oh.
16:28I'm a widow.
16:29Oh!
16:31Uh, tell me, are you rich?
16:34Filthy.
16:36You're the kind of a girl I've been waiting for all my life.
16:41That's a long time.
16:43Yes, sir. You know something else?
16:45I think you and I could make beautiful music together.
16:50Uh, say, uh, are you really 80 years old?
16:55Heck no, I'm 90.
16:59Well, don't you think you better cool down a little?
17:02Well, you're 90 if you cool down, the fire goes out.
17:11Let me tell you something.
17:12You better cool down, Junior, or I'll put your fire out for good.
17:17I'm just trying to make conversation.
17:19Well, make it from over there. I'm not hard of hearing.
17:23You know, you're so beautiful when you get your dander up.
17:27You get my dander up any further and I'll take away your rattle.
17:33Say, I got an idea.
17:35Oh, not another one.
17:38Say, how about a little drinky?
17:41Oh, righty. How about a little warm milky?
17:46I was thinking of something stronger than that.
17:49How about some champagne, huh?
17:51That's too strong. The bubbles knock me down.
17:57No, the bubbles keep knocking me down.
18:01That's a dilly.
18:07You keep your distance, you understand?
18:10Come on, honey. Give me a little kiss.
18:12I'm going to give you nothing.
18:14Oh, yes, you are.
18:15Oh, no, I'm not.
18:17Oh, don't do it.
18:29Hey, that's not fair. You're younger than I am.
18:33You're right. Why don't you act your age?
18:37Heck, that's no fun.
18:39Yahoo! Here I go.
18:43If you don't stop chasing me, I'm going to punish you.
18:47How?
18:48I'm going to let you catch me.
18:57Now I got you.
18:58You better pucker up, honey.
19:00Here I come.
19:03Yahoo!
19:08You're a frisky little devil.
19:12But I like him that way.
19:15Yahoo!
19:21I think you're trying to avoid me.
19:25Come and get me, Buster.
19:28Take in your vitamins.
19:32Yahoo!
19:57I still insist that was no way to treat the president of a bank.
20:01Well, maybe not, but it was the only way to treat a wolf.
20:05How much of a wolf could he be? He's over 80.
20:07That's the worst kind. He's had all those years of experience.
20:12Oh, it couldn't have been that bad.
20:14You haven't spent an evening being Yahoo'd.
20:18Nevertheless, you had no right to let him go to that banquet alone.
20:22Fortunately, he hasn't complained.
20:24Yeah, well, I'm complaining.
20:26I spent two weeks' salary on a beautiful new dress, and I didn't even get to wear it.
20:30Well, that is...
20:32Mr. Mooney's office.
20:34Yes, Gladys?
20:36Mr. Hetherington's on his way in to see Mr. Mooney?
20:39Thank you, Gladys.
20:40What does he want? I hope he isn't mad.
20:42What does he want to see me for?
20:43I don't know.
20:44Oh, I hope there's no trouble.
20:45You never know what...
20:46Oh! Mr. Hetherington's...
20:51Mooney, why can't you learn to just bow from the waist?
20:57I'm terribly sorry. Won't you sit down?
20:59No, thanks. No, thanks. I just dropped in to say goodbye.
21:02Oh. Oh, you're leaving.
21:04Yep. But I'll be back in a couple of months, and I want you to get the same date for me.
21:11Same date?
21:12Yep. She was a real swinger.
21:18Well, I'll do my best, sir.
21:20Well, thanks again. Goodbye.
21:22Goodbye, sir. Goodbye.
21:28Mrs. Carmichael?
21:30Yes, sir?
21:31You make the swingerest little old lady I can hardly wait!
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