The Lucy Show-S5E21: Lucy And Tennessee Ernie Ford
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
When Mr. Mooney's boss threatens to fire him because his bank branch hasn't had many new accounts, Lucy tries to convince millionaire country singer Homer Higgins to deposit his money with the bank.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
When Mr. Mooney's boss threatens to fire him because his bank branch hasn't had many new accounts, Lucy tries to convince millionaire country singer Homer Higgins to deposit his money with the bank.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-Starring Gail Gordon
00:48Good morning, Mr. Mooney.
00:50Well, what a pleasant surprise, Mrs. Carmichael.
00:54And how did we manage to get to work on time for once?
00:58Well, I think my clock's broken.
01:01Hi, Dotty.
01:02Hello, Lucy.
01:03Well, get to work on these right away, please.
01:05Well, can't I have my coffee first?
01:06No, you can't have your coffee first.
01:09You just got here.
01:11Now, please, get to work, get to work.
01:12Yes, sir, yes, sir.
01:18Music
01:21Mrs. Carmichael, turn that radio off!
01:25What is that thing doing here?
01:27Well, you see, Mr. Mooney, when I was in high school,
01:30I always played the radio while I did my homework,
01:33and now it's hard for me to concentrate with so much quiet going on.
01:40I didn't know they had radios when you went to high school.
01:44Well, now, you keep that thing off, and you get to work.
01:47At once, do you hear me?
01:48Good heavens.
01:49Mr. Mooney!
01:50Oh, good morning, Mr. Chief.
01:52How are you, sir?
01:53Not very well.
01:54Oh, what's wrong, sir?
01:55Well, at the meeting last night, it was brought to my attention
01:58that our branch is lagging in the getting of new accounts.
02:01It is?
02:02Yes, and it was suggested that perhaps this branch was a bit overstaffed.
02:06One vice president too many, to be exact.
02:09And as a vice president, I hope that you can read between the lines, Mr. Mooney.
02:15Mr. Cheever, sir, are you inferring that unless I get some new accounts...
02:19Well, congratulations. At least you can read.
02:25Oh, my. I've never seen him so upset.
02:29How does he expect me to get new accounts?
02:31Drag people in off the streets?
02:33I don't know why he blames me for everything that goes on around here.
02:36Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
02:38Well, you better worry about it.
02:43You just remember, if I go, you go.
02:48Now, I'll be in my office. I don't want to be disturbed.
02:51No, sir.
02:58And that, folks, was the latest hit from the nation's number one country singer, Homer Higgins.
03:04And here's a little news for you Homer Higgins fans.
03:07Homer is about to become a California citizen.
03:10He arrives in town this morning and will check into the penthouse suite of the luxurious Palm Garden Hotel.
03:17Now, that's eating pretty high in the hog for a country boy.
03:20And he should be eating high in the hog because the music industry has estimated that Homer's income this year will exceed five million dollars.
03:30Wow.
03:31Wow. Right.
03:33Right.
03:36Dottie, I'm going out. I'll be back as soon as I can.
03:39But what about this work? If Mr. Mooney comes back and you're not here, won't he be angry?
03:43No, not when he hears about the big new account I got lined up for him.
03:53Right this way.
04:22Well, if this don't beat all.
04:26I hope you will find this sweet satisfactory.
04:30Ain't this pretty Effie?
04:35Well, it looks like an awful big place to keep clean.
04:39Why didn't we take that little room we was just in?
04:42That was the elevator.
04:46This penthouse apartment gives you a magnificent view overlooking Los Angeles.
04:51Have mercy on us all.
04:55On a clear day, you can see Catalina.
04:58Well, from what I hear, that's a mighty rare sight.
05:01Catalina?
05:02No, a clear day in Los Angeles.
05:13Anything else, sir?
05:14Oh, no, thank you, but just a minute.
05:17Just a minute, sir.
05:22Here's a tip for you.
05:25Oh, thank you, sir.
05:27All right.
05:29I hope you enjoy your stay.
05:31Hold on there just a minute.
05:33You've been awful nice to us.
05:35And Effie, give this nice man some of your duck gizzards.
05:38Oh, sure thing.
05:40Give him a whole wad.
05:41Here you are.
05:43They're awful good, fried in hog lard.
05:47Oh, and by the way, at the end of the week, take out what we owe you.
05:51Yes, sir.
05:52All right, fine.
05:53Oh, by the way, if there's any left,
05:55why, uh, treat your carnation to a sack of fertilize.
05:59That would be all.
06:11Oh, how do you do, ma'am?
06:13Hello, Mr. Higgins.
06:14I, um, I heard on the radio that you were moving here today,
06:17and I thought I'd stop by and welcome you, and...
06:20Well, ain't that nice, Effie?
06:22Oh, it sure is.
06:23Come in and make yourself to home.
06:25Yes, come on in.
06:26Uh, I want you to meet my kinfolks.
06:28Get up. Cut his comms.
06:30Uh, this is, this is my wife, Effie.
06:33Hello. Howdy.
06:34And that's her brother, Iffy.
06:39Iffy?
06:40Uh, yes, and he was born ahead of her, and his folks call him Iffy
06:43because, uh, if he was a girl, they was gonna name him Effie.
06:47Oh.
06:48Well, how do you do?
06:49Uh, glad to meet you, Iffy.
06:51My name is Lucy.
06:52Lucy Carmichael.
06:54Howdy, Miss Lucy.
06:56Gee, you got her the color of orange juice.
07:02Orange juice?
07:03Yeah, and I bet a girl as pretty as you must get squeezed a lot.
07:09Only when the bus is crowded.
07:12You sure are pretty.
07:16Uh, down, Iffy, down there.
07:19Well, since Iffy's pet skunk died last year, he's gotten girl-minded.
07:26Would you like to come in and rest your head?
07:28Yeah, thank you.
07:29Go right ahead.
07:30Oh, Iffy, come on, help me with the unpacking.
07:32Yep, I'm a bear.
07:33Come on, come on.
07:34Get along, get along.
07:35Get, get.
07:36Bye, Miss Lucy.
07:37Bye.
07:39Pick up your feet, boy.
07:40Pick up your feet.
07:41Come on, come on.
07:42Oh, that boy.
07:44That boy is about as useful as a milk bucket under a bull.
07:53Would you like some Iffy Sassy Frost tea?
07:55Well, thank you, but before I accept your hospitality, Mr. Higgins,
07:59I think I should explain that my visit is not entirely social.
08:04It is not?
08:05No, not exactly.
08:07You see, well, the truth is...
08:11Well, what I'm trying to say is, if, well...
08:16Why don't you stop spitting on the handle and get to hoeing?
08:22How's that?
08:24Say what you come to say, ma'am.
08:26Oh, oh, well, you see, I really came here to talk business.
08:31I work for a bank, Mr. Higgins,
08:33and, well, I came to see if we could handle your account.
08:37Frankly, ma'am, I don't cotton much to banks.
08:40Oh.
08:41Well, Mr. Higgins, banks are very necessary,
08:44especially to a man with your income.
08:47You know, a bank offers advice on financial investments,
08:50and, well, I just think a person should put his money into something.
08:54Oh, I do, ma'am.
08:55I do.
08:56In boxes.
08:59You mean...
09:00You mean all these boxes are full of money?
09:04Yes, ma'am.
09:06Oh.
09:07You know, I keep them in boxes.
09:10Oh, for heaven's sake.
09:11You mean you carry your money around with you all the time?
09:14Well, not all of it, ma'am.
09:15I had to leave a whole mess of it at home.
09:17We run out of boxes.
09:21Well, Mr. Higgins.
09:23My, you certainly make a lot of money with your singing and your records.
09:28And, you know, I also write all my own songs.
09:30You do?
09:31Yes, ma'am.
09:32You want to see me make up a folk song about you right now, just like that?
09:36Well, I sure would.
09:37All righty-bye.
09:40I didn't know you composed your own song.
09:42No.
09:47Fell in love with a pink-haired gal
09:51Fell in love with a pink-haired gal
09:55Fell in love with a pink-haired gal
09:59She fell in love with me
10:03She fell in love with me
10:11Well, is that it?
10:13Yep.
10:14Oh, that's very clever.
10:15Well, that last line didn't come too easy.
10:18Oh, that was very good, that last line.
10:21Well, you were the inspiration.
10:23Oh, really?
10:24That's right, and if that's ever a hit, I owe you a favor.
10:27Oh, well, the biggest favor you could do for me, Mr. Higgins,
10:31is let me introduce you to my boss, Mr. Mooney.
10:33He's the banker I work for.
10:35No offense to you, ma'am, but I feel like a worm in hot ashes around them big city bankers.
10:42Well, Mr. Mooney's not a big city-type banker.
10:45He comes from real down-to-earth country folk.
10:48He does?
10:49Yeah, yeah, he grew up on a farm, and all his kin were farmers, and all his kin's kin.
10:55Sounds like my kind of folk.
10:57Oh, I just know that Mr. Mooney is the type of banker that you'd cotton to.
11:01Well, I'll tell you what you do.
11:03You bring this Mr. Mooney over here so that we can at least have a howdy and a handshake.
11:08Oh, wonderful. Thank you, Mr. Higgins.
11:10All right.
11:11Oh, I'll bring him over right away.
11:12All right.
11:13And I just know that you and Mr. Mooney are gonna hit it off like two pigs in a pole.
11:17Oh, all right.
11:18Bye.
11:19Bye-bye.
11:28Oh, how do, Miss Lucy?
11:30Hello, Mr. Higgins.
11:31Uh, I'd like you to meet my boss, Mr. Mooney.
11:38How do you do?
11:39You sure don't look like no banker.
11:41I don't feel like one, either.
11:44My crackers!
11:45Oh, now come on in and meet my kin, folks.
11:48Come right on. Come right on.
11:50Uh, this is my wife, Auntie.
11:53Howdy.
11:54Howdy.
11:55Howdy.
11:56Howdy.
11:57Hello, Miss Lucy.
11:59Hello, hello.
12:00And that's her brother, Iffy.
12:03Iffy?
12:04Yes, you see, they named him Iffy because if he was a girl, they were gonna name him Effy.
12:10That's right.
12:12Hey, y'all are just in time to tie on the feed bag.
12:16Come on in. Come on. Come right on. Come on.
12:26Boy, he carries it around with him all the time.
12:31Y'all hungry?
12:32Oh, yeah.
12:34Mm, something smells mighty inviting, Mrs. Higgins.
12:38Oh, just call me Effy.
12:41And I'm home.
12:43And I'm Theodore J.
12:45Uh, the J stands for Joshua.
12:48Uh, his friends and kin call him Josh.
12:51Well, that's a mighty fitting name.
12:53You know, you look like a Josh.
12:58Yeah, look.
12:59Effy, how's the vittles coming?
13:00Oh, done to a turn.
13:02Oh, fine. Sit down, Miss Lucy, and you too, Josh.
13:04Sit right down.
13:05Say, you folks sure got this place looking mighty comfortable.
13:08Well, you know, speaking of comfort, do you mind if I take my shoes off?
13:13Not at all.
13:15Oh, thank you.
13:16I never could get used to these darn things.
13:20And if you have anything to loosen, ma'am, just let her pop.
13:27Here you are, Mr. Mooney.
13:28Oh, thank you.
13:29And here you are, Miss Lucy.
13:32Oh, thank you.
13:33Now, this here is Effy's favorite recipe.
13:36Uh, what is it?
13:38Well, uh, Effy calls it rib-stickin' stew.
13:42It's just chopped, full of boiled deer liver, turnip greens, hog jowl, spackback, and sow belly.
13:50Come on, folks, eat up.
13:54Poke her down now.
14:01Oh, you know, a man sure is lucky to have a woman that's got a gift for cooking.
14:07Your wife cook anything that tastes like this?
14:10Everything my wife cooks.
14:18Well, then I take it your Mrs. Mooney is a girl with country rearing.
14:25Acres of it.
14:29That, that's a fact.
14:30I see.
14:31You know something?
14:32Back in Cedar Creek County, Mrs. Mooney was a champion hog caller.
14:37She were?
14:38Yeah, that's how she got Mr. Mooney.
14:40Oh.
14:44Well, you know, Effy, I reckon we won't be getting homesick here in California knowing people like Josh and his missus.
14:49Yeah, I hope we'll be seeing a lot of each other, Josh.
14:52Well, no reason why you shouldn't if you come to my office to do your banking chores.
14:57Oh, sounds mighty fine to me.
14:59Now, wait a minute, Bucket Mouth.
15:01Don't you go getting any...
15:03Now, I take the old Josh here, but the big city banks are something else again.
15:09Oh, but, but, but, Miss Higgins, our bank isn't at all like a big city bank.
15:13It's as, it's as homey as gravy on a tablecloth.
15:16And all the people that work there are just like old Josh here.
15:20Neighborly, country reared folk.
15:22Sounds like a dinger of a bank.
15:24Well, maybe we could go down there a little while this afternoon, look the place over.
15:29Oh, instead of this afternoon,
15:34why don't you come down tonight after the bank is closed?
15:38After you're closed?
15:39Yeah, tonight, tonight we have our weekly hoedown.
15:42Hoedown?
15:46Once a week, us folks like to have a little get together.
15:49And I just know old Josh would love to have you join us.
15:53Why, me and Effy take the hoedowns like a hog takes the slob.
15:57Wonderful, wonderful.
15:58Well, now it's the Westland Bank and it's right down the street.
16:01Come on, Mr. Mooney, we have to get back to the bank for your appointment.
16:04Oh, well.
16:05Well, me and Effy will sure look forward to this.
16:07More than that, we'll, most of all, we'll be looking forward to meeting Mrs. Mooney.
16:14Mrs. Mooney will be looking forward to meeting you two.
16:16You be sure and show up now.
16:18Oh, don't you worry, ma'am.
16:19We'll be there fit as a tiddly and ready to wink.
16:21All right, bye y'all.
16:22Bye.
16:26Bye.
16:35Mooney, in all my years of banking, I have never been involved in anything so bizarre and outrageous.
16:42Well, the Higgins account is worth a little trouble, sir.
16:45Oh, you'll thank me if we get it.
16:47Yeah, what if we don't get the Higgins account?
16:49Well, it was all Mrs. Carmichael's idea.
16:53Where is Mrs. Mooney?
16:55Here I am.
17:05Mrs. Carmichael, I know my wife isn't Miss America, but do you have to be so hokey?
17:12You don't want him to recognize me, do you?
17:14Well, no.
17:15Well, Homer and Effy will be here at any minute.
17:18Yeah.
17:19So let's get this pea-picking, tater-planting, corn-husking show on the road.
17:23Okay, John.
17:24Come on, let's get the party going.
17:30Head couples, do-si-do.
17:32Hurry up, farmer, don't be slow.
17:34Side couples, same old thing.
17:36Do-si-do across the ring.
17:38Partners all with the right elbow.
17:40Back by the left, here we go.
17:42Go right into a right-left friend.
17:44Try not to blush when you hold her hand.
17:46Dino style, take old Sue.
17:48Promenade the gal with a run-down shoe.
17:50Back home, swing and whirl.
17:52Round and round with a pretty little girl.
17:54Just to the center, left-hand stop.
17:56Turn your girl not too far.
17:58Just back out, you're doing swell.
18:00Into the center with a great big yell.
18:11Folks, I'd like you to meet my wife, Irma.
18:14Howdy.
18:15Howdy.
18:16Howdy.
18:17Hi, y'all.
18:18What's that square dance calling, ma'am?
18:20Oh, sorry.
18:21Yes, it was.
18:23Irma, Irma, don't be so shy.
18:26I heard you was a champion hog caller, ma'am.
18:29Oh, well, my hog calling days are over.
18:32Last time I called, I called so loud
18:34my Adam's apple turned to cider.
18:38Ain't that a knee slapper?
18:41Well, now, since the Higgins clan is all here,
18:44let's get this shindig going, eh?
18:46Let's give them a real musical welcome.
18:49Okay, come on, Mr. Cheever.
18:51We'll give them a doozy.
19:16Yeah!
19:34There's gonna be singing,
19:36there's gonna be dancing,
19:38there's gonna be banjo picking,
19:40and the fiddler will be there.
19:42You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses.
19:46And pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
19:50Gather round me, folks.
19:51I've got some things I'd like to say
19:53about the shindig that's a-coming,
19:55and it's only a week away.
19:57And everybody's gonna have a good time
19:59if my prediction is right
20:01at the ladies' auxiliary barn dance Saturday night.
20:04There's gonna be singing,
20:06there's gonna be dancing,
20:08there's gonna be banjo picking,
20:10and the fiddler will be there.
20:12You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses.
20:16And pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
20:19The gals will dress in calico
20:21with their fancy lace and ferns and bows,
20:23so all you fellas get dressed up
20:25in your Sunday-golden-meeting clothes.
20:27Mr. Cricket, keep on a-chirping,
20:29Mr. Moon, keep shining bright
20:31at the ladies' auxiliary barn dance Saturday night.
20:34There's gonna be singing,
20:36there's gonna be dancing,
20:38there's gonna be banjo picking,
20:40and the fiddler will be there.
20:42You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses.
20:45And pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
20:48One more time!
20:49There's gonna be singing,
20:51there's gonna be dancing,
20:53there's gonna be banjo picking,
20:55and the fiddler will be there.
20:57You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses.
21:00And pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
21:04Saturday night!
21:06Hey!
21:07Hey!
21:37Hey!
22:08Hey!
22:14Hey!
22:23Hey!
22:37Hey!
23:08APPLAUSE
23:21APPLAUSE
23:33APPLAUSE
23:37APPLAUSE
23:59Enjoying yourself, neighbor?
24:01Oh, it's the best time I ever had in my life.
24:04Now I know what I'm gonna do with all my money.
24:06What?
24:07I'm gonna take it and buy me a bank like this of my very own.
24:11LAUGHTER
24:13Come on in here!
24:15APPLAUSE
24:20Well, ain't that a knee-clapper?
24:23No, that's a nose-puncher!
24:26Oh, that's a...
24:27MUSIC
24:36APPLAUSE
25:06MUSIC