The Lucy Show-S6E4: Lucy The Starmaker
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
A young man wants a career in the music, but his uncle insists he learn the banking business. Lucy arranges for an impromptu audition with a record producer in the bank's lobby.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
A young man wants a career in the music, but his uncle insists he learn the banking business. Lucy arranges for an impromptu audition with a record producer in the bank's lobby.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show Starring Lucille Ball
00:15Co-Starring Gail Gordon
00:30Co-Starring Tom Cruise
00:37Co-Starring Tom Cruise
00:44Co-Starring Tom Cruise
00:52Never on time, always late, always.
00:56Two o'clock. Late, late, late, late, late.
01:07What's your excuse this time?
01:11All right, Mrs. Carmichael, you might as well answer. I know you're there.
01:16You must have eyes in the back of your head.
01:20Maybe I do.
01:23And wouldn't we make a peach of a pair if you had a head in back of your eyes?
01:30Really, Mr. Mooney.
01:31Mrs. Carmichael, how are you at imitations?
01:34Imitations? Oh, pretty good, I guess.
01:38Fine. Then imitate a secretary and look busy! And snap to it!
01:43Mr. Cheever said he'd be in in a few moments on a matter of great importance.
01:47Oh, I hope I haven't done anything wrong. Cheever just gets so upset.
01:50Mr. Mooney. What, what?
01:52Are you afraid of Mr. Cheever?
01:54Me, afraid of Mr. Cheever?
01:56Yeah. Well, of course not. How could you ask such a thing?
01:59Well, no, I just thought... I kowtow to nobody!
02:03Nobody! Mooney! No! Mr. Cheever, sir!
02:06How are you, sir? How do you feel? Are you looking for...
02:10Won't you say a damn thing? Won't you say a damn thing?
02:14No. Oh, no, sir. I mean, yes, sir.
02:17Mooney, I have a young nephew, Thomas Cheever.
02:21He starts work at the bank today.
02:23Oh, splendid, sir.
02:25Shall we say that a small acorn has fallen from the mighty oak?
02:30That's good phrasing, Mooney.
02:33But unfortunately, in this case, the acorn is a real nut.
02:39Oh?
02:40He doesn't want to become a banker.
02:42He doesn't want to become a banker.
02:45He wants to go into show business.
02:47Oh, the shame of it.
02:51Oh, my condolences, sir.
02:54Oh, it's a sad state of affairs.
02:56Well, gee, Mr. Cheever, you can't blame a young fellow
02:59for wanting to get into something that's a little more fun.
03:02More fun than banking?
03:05I just meant something like auditing or accounting.
03:11Those are both worthy.
03:13But hardly the excitement of banking.
03:15Oh, true, true.
03:18Now, Mooney, I'm turning this irresponsible lad over to you.
03:22You have sole responsibility for him.
03:24Mr. Cheever, sir, I shall mold him in my own image.
03:30Well, I had hoped that we could set our sights a little higher.
03:36I'll bring him in now.
03:38Oh, yes, sir.
03:39You and Mrs. Carmichael.
03:40Yes, sir.
03:41I would appreciate any help on your part to guide this boy.
03:44Yes, sir, I assure you I will give him the benefit of all my experience
03:48and knowledge of the banking profession.
03:55Come here.
03:58Sit down.
04:06Now, Thomas, that boy, this is Mr. Mooney.
04:09How do you do, sir?
04:10Welcome aboard, my boy.
04:12And this is Mr. Mooney's secretary, Mrs. Carmichael.
04:16Very nice meeting you.
04:17Hi, Tom.
04:18Now, as you know, from this moment on,
04:20you will take your orders from Mr. Mooney.
04:22I'd rather take my orders from Mrs. Carmichael.
04:28Watch it, boy.
04:29Yeah, watch it, boy.
04:32There is no place in banking for levity.
04:34I'm sorry, Uncle Wendy.
04:39Now, Thomas, remember one thing.
04:41At the bank, I am known as Mr. Cheever.
04:44Yes, Uncle Wendy.
04:45Oh, I mean, yes, sir.
04:48Wendy is a diminutive of my middle name, Winfield.
04:53Oh, I thought it was because you're always so...
04:59A very distinguished name, Winfield.
05:07I want you to start the indoctrination immediately.
05:10Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
05:12Now, young man, what phase of the banking business interests you?
05:17Well, I've always got a kick out of cashing checks.
05:24Enough of that.
05:27Thomas, you are just an employee here.
05:30You are to receive no special consideration,
05:33no favoritism whatsoever.
05:35You understand that?
05:36Yes, sir.
05:37Mooney, do you understand?
05:38At this bank, he is not my nephew.
05:40Oh, yes.
05:41Now, take over.
05:42Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
05:48Well, now, young Cheever, you and I will have a little talk.
05:51Yes, sir.
05:52Now, take a seat.
05:54Oh, here we are.
06:02Now, despite the fact that your uncle owns the bank,
06:06you will be shown no special consideration.
06:09Is that clear?
06:11Oh, yes, sir.
06:12And another thing, do not...
06:14Are you comfy?
06:16I'm fine, thanks.
06:18Good.
06:19Now, don't expect any personal privileges.
06:22You will be treated just like any other employee.
06:26That's the only way I'd want it, sir.
06:28And that's the way it's going to be.
06:31Just another member of the crew getting no special attention.
06:38Now, Mrs. Carmichael, you heard what I just said.
06:41I trust that you will cooperate.
06:43Oh, absolutely.
06:44No special attention.
06:46Right.
06:47Oh, Mr. Mooney, I think his light has gone out.
06:49Oh, forgive me.
07:14Hi, Mrs. Carmichael.
07:16Oh, hi, Tommy.
07:20Come on in.
07:23Pull up a chair.
07:24Or should I get Mr. Mooney to do it for you?
07:28No, that's all right.
07:29I majored in chairs sitting in kindergarten.
07:32Well, Tommy, how do you like being a banker?
07:35No, I don't know.
07:36I don't know.
07:37I think it's real bad casting for anyone with acting ambitions.
07:40Yeah.
07:41You know, Tommy, Hollywood is filled with people who think they're actors.
07:46You?
07:47Yeah.
07:48When I first came out here, I wanted to be an actress.
07:50Oh, really?
07:51Yeah.
07:52Took me a long time to realize that I just did not have it.
07:56Well, everybody can't be another Annette Funicello.
08:05Well, that's true.
08:09You know, you have one thing going for you in the banking business that you don't in show business.
08:14What's that?
08:15An uncle who owns a joint.
08:18Can't argue with that.
08:19Hey, you want a bottle of pop?
08:20I have some lemon and strawberry.
08:22I'll have lemon.
08:23Let's see.
08:24That's under C.
08:26C for lemon?
08:27Yeah, call lemon.
08:36Oh, that's one of my favorite numbers.
08:39No kidding.
08:40That's one of my favorite songs, too.
08:41Really?
08:42Yeah.
08:43Especially that arrangement.
08:44Yeah.
08:45There's a kind of walk you walk when the world's undone you.
08:51There's a kind of walk you walk when you're walking proud.
08:58But there's a kind of walk you walk when the neighbors shun you.
09:04There's a kind of walk you walk set you above the crowd.
09:11Oh, there's a kind of walk you walk when somebody loves you.
09:18Oh, that's a very much like a walking on cloud.
09:24A good fortune found you, Jeffy.
09:29And you're so happy, Valentine, when you're walking happy.
09:37Oh, the blooming world seems fine.
09:42So you had best believe it's a chat bit.
09:46You'll find that life is finger snapping.
09:51The day you learn that walking habit gives the world a shine.
10:00So just keep walking.
10:05Keep on walking.
10:09Just keep walking.
10:16Happy with your hand in mine.
10:24Oh, Tommy.
10:27That was good.
10:32Gee, Tommy, what a voice.
10:34You are sensational.
10:36You didn't tell me you could sing.
10:38Well, I never thought my voice was any more than average.
10:41Well, now, if that is an average voice, Elizabeth Taylor is an average housewife.
10:46You have got talent.
10:49I can't believe...
10:51Mr. Mooney, we have got to get Tommy out of here.
10:55What?
10:56He should not be wasted in a bank.
10:58He should be in show business.
11:01Mrs. Carmichael, wash your mouth out with soap.
11:07Now, my boy, forget show business.
11:11Your uncle has your best interest at heart.
11:14I appreciate that, sir, but if Mrs. Carmichael thinks...
11:18Oh, well, there goes your argument right there.
11:22Mrs. Carmichael does not think.
11:26Mr. Mooney, I'm willing to forgive all the nasty things you say about me...
11:30if you will just listen to Tommy sing.
11:33Now, please.
11:35Please!
11:37All right. No one has ever accused me of having a closed mind.
11:42Very well.
11:44Go ahead.
11:46Sing.
11:49There's a kind of walk...
11:51That's enough. You'll never make it.
11:54Some audition.
11:56Dizzy Gillespie would have had a better chance with Lawrence Welk.
12:01Mrs. Carmichael, if you so much as mention show business...
12:06in front of this young man again...
12:08I will have you dunked in gold, sent to Fort Knox...
12:12sliced into ingots of bullion...
12:15and then I shall take great joy...
12:18in personally firing you...
12:21ingot by ingot.
12:38Ingot by ingot.
12:40Who does he think he is, Goldfinger?
12:43Mrs. Carmichael, look, I really appreciate your interest...
12:46but I don't want you getting into trouble.
12:48Oh, who needs this job?
12:50I'm getting my social security in another...
12:5640 years.
12:59Anyway, I think you're so good, I'm willing to take the risk.
13:02Oh, thanks, but I don't think that it's...
13:04Tommy, you know what?
13:06We gotta get you an audition.
13:08An audition?
13:09Yeah.
13:10And why not go right to the top?
13:12Nelson Penrose.
13:14Nelson Penrose? The movie producer?
13:17Yeah.
13:18You know him?
13:19A friend of mine is secretary to one of his secretaries.
13:21Oh, really?
13:22Yeah.
13:23Well, the closest I ever came was meeting the gatekeeper's brother-in-law.
13:26Yeah, well, Mary Jane, my friend, knows him...
13:29and she'd be very glad to do me a favor.
13:31How will I ever be able to thank you?
13:33Oh, that's all right. Don't you even think about that.
13:37Of course, when you get to be a big star...
13:39if you ever need a leading lady...
13:44a bit player...
13:47an extra...
13:49Okay, I'll be president of your Fort Knox fan club.
14:01What a good dinner.
14:04The lobster was delicious. Where'd you get them?
14:07I had them flown in from Maine.
14:10Oh, it must have cost a fortune.
14:12A whole week's salary.
14:14They refused to fly family plan.
14:18Well, let's get to the dishes.
14:20Oh, no, you don't. You're my guest.
14:22I'll do the dishes later.
14:24Well...
14:25Well, after all, you put in our day at the studio...
14:28and I want you to just sit and relax, and we'll talk.
14:32Lucy...
14:34I get the feeling you're about to ask me for a favor.
14:38A favor?
14:40Now, when did I ever ask you for a favor?
14:43Well, let's see.
14:45Tuesday, you borrowed $5.
14:48Wednesday, I went shopping for you.
14:50Thursday, I picked up your laundry.
14:52Friday, you borrowed my car...
14:54and that's my dress you're wearing.
14:58You've had it for over two weeks.
15:01What about the green dress I loaned you last month?
15:04That was my green dress, and you were returning it.
15:08Oh, you've got a memory like an elephant...
15:11and an appetite to match.
15:14Okay, what's the favor?
15:17Mr. Cheever's nephew down at the bank...
15:20has the greatest voice you have ever heard.
15:22He is just sensational.
15:24He sings up a storm.
15:26He's a natural, personality and everything.
15:28And you've just got to arrange an audition for him with Mr. Penrose.
15:32An audition for Mr. Pen...
15:35Lucy, you didn't have to go to all this trouble for that.
15:39All you had to do was just ask me.
15:41You'll do it?
15:42No.
15:46No?
15:47No.
15:48Well, fine friend you are.
15:50Honey, I would be thrown right out of the office...
15:52if I even mentioned audition to Mr. Penrose.
15:55He never auditions anybody.
15:57What do you mean he never auditions anyone?
15:59I've seen his pictures.
16:00He's always bringing out new talent.
16:02Well, true, but you can't bring people to him.
16:04He likes to go out and discover talent himself.
16:07Oh, he's his own talent scout, huh?
16:09Yeah, you wouldn't believe where he finds some of his stars.
16:12Where?
16:13Car washes, laundries, bowling alleys.
16:16One was a hostess on a live bait boat.
16:20A live bait boat.
16:22In fact, last month when Mr. Penrose got hit by a truck...
16:25instead of suing the driver, he signed him up.
16:30Hey, Tommy's got a car.
16:31Where does Penrose do his walking?
16:34No.
16:35Wait a minute.
16:36What?
16:37Do you know where Mr. Penrose is going to find his next star?
16:40Where?
16:41In our bank.
16:42Your bank?
16:43Yes.
16:44Now, let's see.
16:45How am I going to get Mr. Penrose over to the bank?
16:48He's a client, but he doesn't come in very often.
16:51I know, I know.
16:52I'll call him and tell him somebody forged his name on a check.
16:55And then he'll have to come in to verify the signature.
16:58Yeah, and then what?
17:00Well, I'll have Tommy ready to audition for him.
17:03I'll get some of the people at the bank to help me.
17:05Yeah.
17:06And then Penrose will discover Tommy.
17:09Tommy will be signed for pictures.
17:11And I will be president of the Fort Knox Fan Club.
17:15Never mind, it'll work.
17:17Lucy, you've got the most conniving mind west of the Mississippi.
17:21And I'm proud to be your friend.
17:23Well, thank you.
17:25Would you like to prove that?
17:26Sure, what do you want me to do?
17:27The dishes.
17:30Where do you think you are, company?
17:31Come on, now.
17:36Tommy, I don't know what's keeping Mr. Penrose.
17:45He should have been here by now.
17:46Oh, I hope he shows up.
17:47Well, so do I before Mr. Mooney gets back from that wild goose chase I sent him on.
17:51Well, go on, you get back to the window.
17:57Good morning, Mr. Penrose.
17:58We've been expecting you.
18:00What's all this nonsense about a forged check?
18:02Well, we think it's forged, sir.
18:04And we just need you to personally verify the signature.
18:07Young lady, I'm a very busy man.
18:09My studio comes to a complete standstill without me.
18:11Yes, sir.
18:12May I have the check?
18:13Well, that handsome young man right over there at window one has it.
18:18Young man?
18:19Oh, Mr. Penrose.
18:21Can I see that check?
18:22Oh, yes, the check, sir.
18:27That is not my signature.
18:28That's exactly what we thought, sir.
18:30Because...
18:33We looked it over.
18:34Now we're in clover.
18:36Cause we didn't cash the check.
18:39The B was too wobbly.
18:40The E was too small.
18:41The N was too loopy.
18:43The R...
18:45It was...
18:48Tall.
18:52So, please don't be nervous.
18:55We did great service.
18:56We won't let it happen again.
18:59Oh, we'll find his fortune.
19:00And believe me, by Georgia.
19:02We'll get him in the end.
19:03He won't have a friend.
19:04And he won't need a pen in the plan.
19:16Do you always serenade the bank's customers like this?
19:19Do I always serenade the bank's customers like this?
19:21Oh, no, sir. No, sir.
19:23Only the bank's most important customers.
19:27Young man, you have a fine voice and a very nice manner about you.
19:30Have you ever thought of going into show business?
19:32Me? In show business?
19:34Oh, Mr. Penrose.
19:35Whatever would make you think that a brilliant young banker would ever want to become a movie star.
19:41He'd never consider it.
19:43He'd start at $1,000 a week.
19:45He'd consider it.
19:48Son, do you know any other numbers?
19:50Does he know any other numbers?
19:52Oh, Mr. Penrose.
19:53You just sit down and relax and listen to this boy.
20:00Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
20:30When the feeling hits you, yeah, you're gonna dance, and you're gonna shout it, yeah, you're gonna dance, no doubt about it now
20:43Clap your hands from the morning till night, the people make you holler, everything's all right, they say, oh, oh, oh, when the feeling hits you
20:52Whoa, feeling in your soul, just a little bit more, you're gonna know, yeah, you're gonna know, when the feeling hits you, yeah, you're gonna know, yeah, you're gonna know, when it starts to get you
21:08Clap your hands from the morning till night, the people make you holler, everything's all right, they say, oh, oh, oh, when the feeling hits you
21:17Well, everybody say, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
21:47Whoa, feeling in your soul, the feeling's got you and it won't let go, yeah, whoa, just a little bit more, just a little bit more, just a little bit more, just a little, just a little bit more
22:13Well, you're gonna know, when the feeling hits you, yeah, you're gonna know it now, when it starts to get you
22:22Clap your hands from the morning till night, the people make you holler, everything's all right, they say, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
22:33You got that feeling, you got that feeling, you got that feeling, when you clap your hands, you're gonna get that feeling from morning till night, whoa, yeah
23:03What's going on here? What's going on here?
23:12Who dares mock the boss? Who yo the boss?
23:17Tommy's going into show business
23:20Show business? Yes
23:22Mooney, you're fired
23:25Mrs. Carmichael, you're fired
23:27Tommy, you're fired
23:29Tommy, you're fired
23:31Now, you can accept Mr. Penrose's offer of $1,000 a week
23:36$1,000 a week?
23:38$1,000 a week?
23:40$1,000 a week, and if anybody gets fired because of this, I'll never borrow another penny from this bank
23:46Sing, Tommy boy
23:49You heard your Uncle Wendy, sing, Tommy boy
23:54Clap your hands from the morning till night, people make you holler, everything's all right, they say, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
24:06Oh, you got that feeling, you got that feeling, you clap your hands, you're gonna get that feeling from morning till night, yeah
24:36Yeah
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