The Lucy Show-S5E12: Lucy And the Monkey
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mary Jane warns Lucy that the long hours she's putting in at the office could lead to hallucinations. Later, when she a monkey appears and apparently disappears in Mr. Mooney's chair, she begins to think she's loosing her mind and consults a psychiatrist.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mary Jane warns Lucy that the long hours she's putting in at the office could lead to hallucinations. Later, when she a monkey appears and apparently disappears in Mr. Mooney's chair, she begins to think she's loosing her mind and consults a psychiatrist.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show Starring Lucille Ball
00:18Co-Starring Gale Gordon
00:47Aren't those reports finished yet?
00:50Which ones, sir?
00:51You gave me so many.
00:52The Gordon reports.
00:53Oh, no, sir.
00:54They're not ready.
00:55Well, I thought you were taking them home with you last night.
00:57Well, I did take them home last night, Mr. Mooney, but I didn't work on them.
01:00Well, I hope they enjoyed the visit.
01:03The reason I didn't work on them last night is because I was on the phone for hours trying
01:08to sell the tickets for the bank benefit.
01:11When I finally got to bed, I talked in my sleep.
01:14A likely story.
01:15A likely story.
01:16How do you know you talked in your sleep?
01:17Because when I woke up this morning, I found out I had sold myself ten tickets.
01:23You can't afford ten tickets.
01:25I know.
01:26I know.
01:27Well, you sell them to someone who can pay for them.
01:29Yes, sir.
01:30Meanwhile, you cannot neglect your regular duties.
01:33No, I don't mean to.
01:34No, no.
01:35I never neglect anything.
01:36What do I do when I have extra work?
01:37You give it to me.
01:40I do not.
01:42Now, I want to see all of the weekly statements, and Mr. Cheever is waiting for the Gordon
01:47report.
01:48Yes, sir.
01:49Oh, did you type up those letters I dictated this morning?
01:51Oh, no, sir.
01:52Not yet, sir.
01:53What do you do with your time?
01:56Honestly.
01:57Hi, Missy.
01:58Oh.
01:59Oh.
02:00Oh, you frighten me.
02:01What are you doing here, Mary Jane?
02:02We had a lunch date.
02:03Remember?
02:04Oh, I forgot.
02:05You forgot?
02:06Yeah.
02:07Well, I'm not sure I can go to lunch.
02:08I got so much work, honey.
02:09Maybe I can go for 15 minutes.
02:10Lucy, you know, I tried to call you last night several times.
02:11Your line was always busy.
02:12Yeah, I was on the phone until after midnight trying to sell tickets for the bank benefit.
02:13Oh, would you like to buy some tickets?
02:14I already did.
02:15Oh, that's right.
02:16I forgot.
02:17Lucy, you're getting very forgetful.
02:18And with all this work you've got to do, you have to sit up half the night selling tickets
02:19for the bank benefit.
02:20Oh, I'm sorry.
02:21Oh, I'm sorry.
02:22Oh, I'm sorry.
02:23Oh, I'm sorry.
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06:00Oh, I'm sorry.
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06:10Oh, I'm sorry.
06:11Oh, I'm sorry.
06:13Maybe I did leave them on his desk.
06:38Come on, Max.
06:39You'd better stay with me.
06:41Attagirl.
06:50Are you all right?
07:00Oh, hi, Mr. Mooney.
07:02Mr. Mooney?
07:09Mr. Mooney, what's the matter?
07:13Mr. Mooney?
07:14Yeah, what's the matter?
07:15Nothing.
07:16Nothing.
07:17I just need a little drink of water, I think.
07:27They are Mooney, baby.
07:30Good to see you, boy.
07:32I can totally remember that second word.
07:35I got a surprise for you.
07:37I want you to meet my new partner, Max.
07:39Wonderful, good, lovely.
07:40Max, come on in and meet my old friend, Mooney.
07:42Are you Max?
07:46Max?
07:47That's Max, the greatest partner I ever had.
07:49Yeah, but he's a monkey.
07:51Well, that's why he's a great partner.
07:53Works for peanuts.
07:56Relax, Mooney.
07:58He's gentle as a lamb and smart as a whip.
08:01Well, he's almost human.
08:02But there you are.
08:03You see, you gotta be almost human to be a vice president of a bank, don't you?
08:09Look, Bob, I've told Mr. Cheever all about you.
08:11All right.
08:12He's very anxious to meet you, so let's go into his office, shall we?
08:14Cool it, Max.
08:15I'll be right back and take you to lunch.
08:18No, no, we can't go to the Brown Derby.
08:20You're not wearing a tie.
08:29Oh!
08:33You all right, honey?
08:34Yeah, yeah, I feel a lot better.
08:37You know, Lucy, I've been thinking, I know you don't believe this,
08:40but you really are working too hard.
08:42Now, just to be on the safe side, why don't you call my cousin a psychiatrist?
08:47A psychiatrist?
08:49Mary Jane, that's ridiculous.
08:50Now, I'm perfectly all right and I don't need a psychiatrist.
08:53Honestly.
08:55Gee.
08:58Oh!
09:04Woof, woof!
09:14Mary Jane, how do you spell psychiatrist with a P or an S?
09:18Huh?
09:19How do you say, how do you...
09:22Woof, woof!
09:24Now, Mrs. Carmichael, just relax and tell me your problem in your own words.
09:28Well, um, it's, uh, it's not my problem, doctor, it's my friend's problem.
09:35I see. Go on.
09:36Well, my friend is secretary to a banker, a Mr., a Mr. Mooney,
09:41and, uh, today, she, uh, had an hallucination.
09:47How did she know it was an hallucination?
09:50Well, because every time my friend looked at her boss, she saw a monkey instead of Mr. Mooney.
09:57Would, would you call that a hallucination?
10:00Yes.
10:01Yes, I would.
10:03I was afraid you would.
10:06Mrs. Carmichael, tell me about this banker who looks like a monkey to your friend.
10:12Mr. Mooney, oh, he's enough to drive anybody crazy.
10:15Not that my friend is crazy, you understand, but she has been very overworked.
10:20I assume she finds her boss a slight problem?
10:23Slight? Spends his whole day raving and ranting and trying to make a monkey out of me.
10:29Her.
10:30Her, her, yeah, I need her.
10:34Of course. That's what causes her hallucinations.
10:37What?
10:38Her subconscious is making a monkey out of Mr. Mooney before Mr. Mooney can make a monkey out of her.
10:45Oh, for heaven's sake.
10:47Her hallucination is based on fear.
10:49On fear?
10:50And the only way to fight fear is to face it.
10:53You mean face Mr. Mooney?
10:55No. Face this hallucination and look right through it.
10:58Once your friend realizes this man cannot make a monkey out of her, he'll stop looking like a monkey to her.
11:04And the hallucination ends. It's as simple as that.
11:07Oh.
11:08Face your fear and it will disappear.
11:11The words of my favorite psychiatrist.
11:13Freud?
11:14No, me.
11:18Now, Mrs. Carmichael, if your friend will follow my advice, I'm sure that her hallucinations will disappear.
11:24Oh, doctor, I'm so grateful to you. Thank you so much.
11:28Not at all.
11:29I can't tell you how much I appreciate this.
11:31Goodbye.
11:32Goodbye.
11:39Doctor.
11:40Yes?
11:41There's something I feel I must tell you.
11:44What is it?
11:45Well, I'm afraid this might come as a bit of a shock to you.
11:49Well?
11:51I'm the one who sees Mr. Mooney as a monkey.
11:54You're kidding.
11:58I knew you'd be stunned.
12:08There you go, sweetheart. Easy. No tricks. No tricks.
12:17Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
12:20Look, will you tell your Simeon Socrates here to stop swinging on my banister?
12:26I'm sorry, Mooney. He always climbs things when he gets hungry.
12:29Does he eat anything besides books?
12:32He'll take a banana now and then.
12:34Bananas? Well, I think there's some in the kitchen.
12:36Come on, I'll show you where they are.
12:37You cool it. You cool it, Max, and I'll be right back with your din-din.
12:42How do I know if he's got any coconuts?
12:49Mr. Mooney, it's me, Mrs. Carmichael.
13:01Steady, Lucy. Steady. Face your fear and it'll disappear.
13:08Hi, Mr. Mooney.
13:12I brought the statements, Mr. Mooney, and I worked very hard to get them all finished.
13:19Oh, Mr. Mooney, before you read the statement, there's something I'd like to say.
13:24And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything until I'm finished.
13:30Mr. Mooney, I just wanted to say that I've worked for you for quite a while,
13:35and you're a wonderful person.
13:37And even though I'm only an employee,
13:40I really feel that I'm just as much of a human being as you are, you know?
13:46Please, Mr. Mooney, let me finish.
13:49I just wanted to say that if I make any more mistakes, I beg of you, don't make fun of me.
13:54Don't try to make a monkey out of me all the time.
13:57Because if you keep that up, I'm afraid I'll just have to look for another job.
14:01You understand, Mr. Mooney?
14:03Understand what?
14:05Oh, Mr. Mooney. Boy, am I glad to see you again.
14:11Mrs. Carmichael, is there something the matter with you?
14:14Not anymore. Now you can read the statement.
14:17Oh, thank you. I have to go upstairs and get my glasses.
14:20Oh, I'll get them for you. Where are they?
14:21Well, they're in the den upstairs, but I don't see any reason to do it.
14:24No, no, you sit down and relax. I'll be good to you if you'll be good to me.
14:28Don't you worry about a thing.
14:34Woof, woof!
14:36Oh, well, say, that banana looks good, doesn't it?
14:40Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
14:42Don't worry. I wouldn't take yours for the world.
14:44I can get my own. I just bought it.
14:46Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
14:59Betty, I cleaned them all up for you.
15:02Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
15:14Face your fear. Face your fear.
15:17I'm facing my fear, but it won't disappear.
15:21It stays right here.
15:25Mr. Mooney, may I use your phone?
15:29Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
15:33Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
15:44Dr. Parker, this is Lucy Carmichael. I'm so glad you're in.
15:48Listen, I tried to do what you said about the hallucination, but I'm with Mr. Mooney right now.
15:53And he keeps switching from a monkey to Mooney and to a monkey again.
15:57It's just no use, doctor.
15:59What?
16:00What?
16:02Yes?
16:03And bring Mr. Mooney with me?
16:05Lucy Carmichael?
16:09Yes?
16:10Who are you talking to?
16:13Oh, I'm Dr. Parker, a psychiatrist.
16:17And I think you should go down and see him right away.
16:21I beg your pardon?
16:23I mean, he's very wealthy, and he's thinking of opening an account at your bank.
16:29Oh! Oh, good, good.
16:31Well, tell him to come down to the bank first thing Monday morning. I'll take care of him personally.
16:35Oh, but he's so busy, Mr. Mooney, he can't ever get away from his office.
16:38Oh, yeah, he's got so many patients, he's up to three couches already.
16:42So please, let's go and see him right now before another bank gets his account, huh?
16:46It's a good idea. All right. Well, I'd better go and put a jacket on.
16:49I want to make an impression on a new depositor, you know?
16:51Good.
16:52Yeah.
16:53Wear that new one you had on the other day.
16:54Yes, well, I have the whole suit on. I'll be right down. Yeah.
16:57Hey, Dr. Parker, I talked Mr. Mooney into coming to your office with me.
17:01Yeah, we'll be right down.
17:03Yeah, thank you, doctor. Bye-bye.
17:10My, that was quick.
17:12That is a nice jacket.
17:16I'm sure that you'll make a good impression on the doctor.
17:20Well, I...
17:22Come on, we'll go, Mr. Mooney.
17:26Come on, Mr. Mooney.
17:28We'll go down to the doctor's office. It's just downtown.
17:32Come on, Mr. Mooney.
17:34Come on.
17:36Come on.
17:38Stand up straight. Come on.
17:42Okay, Max, here's your dessert.
17:45Max, come on. Stop.
17:47Bye.
17:48Max!
17:51Max!
17:52Max, get out of that car!
17:54Max, come back here!
17:55Max!
17:57Mooney!
17:59Oh, Bob, where's Mrs. Carmichael?
18:01Is she a red-headed dame?
18:03Yes, that's my secretary.
18:04Well, I've got news for you. Your secretary just ran off with my partner.
18:09Good heavens!
18:12I wonder what she sees in him.
18:17I wonder what he sees in her.
18:21Dr. Parker.
18:23Well, Mrs. Carmichael.
18:25Hello.
18:26Nice to see you.
18:28Where's Mr. Mooney?
18:29Oh, he's waiting in the reception room.
18:31He's reading the Wall Street Journal. He enjoys that.
18:33And I wanted to see you first and remind you not to say anything to him about my thinking that he looks like a monkey.
18:40You know, nothing about my hallucinations.
18:42I understand, Mrs. Carmichael. I won't say a word.
18:44Okay, thank you, doctor.
18:47Come in, Mr. Mooney.
18:49Come in, Mr. Mooney.
18:55Doctor, I'd like you to meet Mr. Mooney, the vice president of our bank.
19:08Mrs. Carmichael, is this what looks like a monkey to you?
19:13Dr. Parker, for heaven's sake.
19:15He can hear you, you know.
19:19But, Mrs. Carmichael.
19:21You promised you wouldn't say anything in front of him.
19:24That's terribly unprofessional.
19:26What about your hypocritical oath?
19:32But, Mrs. Carmichael, this is not a hallucination.
19:35This is a monkey.
19:38Oh, come on, Dr. Parker. Don't try to humor me.
19:42I'm not humoring you.
19:44This is a monkey, not a man.
19:46You understand, Mrs. Carmichael? A monkey, not a man.
19:51Oh, yes, yes. I understand, doctor.
19:54Yes. Yes, I understand.
19:56You have no hallucinations.
19:58No, no. I don't have any hallucinations.
20:00You're all right. Understand?
20:02Yes, of course I understand. Of course.
20:04You can go home now and take your monkey with you.
20:07Yes, I'm on my way, doctor.
20:09And thank you very much, doctor.
20:11You've got to get out of here before he gets violent.
20:14Bye, Mr. Mooney.
20:16Bye, Mr. Mooney. Bye.
20:43Mrs. Carmichael, you have done some ridiculous things in your day.
20:49But would you explain why you took Mr. Bailey's monkey to a psychiatrist?
20:55Yeah, lady, I'd like to wait until we're both stars, then we can go together.
20:59You mean this is...
21:01You mean this is really a monkey and you're really Mr. Mooney?
21:05Well, do I look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Park?
21:10You've made me the happiest girl in the world.
21:13Well, bully for me. Bully for me.
21:15You see, Mr. Mooney, I came down here because I thought I was having a nervous breakdown
21:19and because I was working so hard at the bank, you know, trying to sell your tickets for the benefit.
21:23Oh, that reminds me. Mr. Mooney, I haven't sold any tickets this afternoon.
21:27Doctor, would you like some tickets for our bank benefit?
21:30It's for a very worthy cause.
21:32No, I haven't got time.
21:33Oh, he hasn't got time.
21:36Oh, you want some tickets? Oh, wonderful.
21:39Oh, want some more? Oh, thank you.
21:42Oh, you got a lot of friends?
21:44Oh, maybe he'll take Tarzan and Jane.
22:05THE END