The Lucy Show-S5E22: Lucy Meets Sheldon Leonard
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr. Mooney gives Sheldon Leonard permission to shoot a bank robbery scene after hours for an upcoming TV series pilot, but Lucy and Mary Jane think the heist is the real thing and attempt to prevent it.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr. Mooney gives Sheldon Leonard permission to shoot a bank robbery scene after hours for an upcoming TV series pilot, but Lucy and Mary Jane think the heist is the real thing and attempt to prevent it.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show.
00:15Starring Lucille Ball.
00:20Starring Gail Gordon.
00:32Do you buy?
00:50Carmichael. Yes, sir.
00:51These reports have to be typed and these filed right away.
00:55But Mr. Mooney, it's 6.30 already.
00:58Thank you, Mrs. Carmichael. I still know how to tell the time.
01:02But all this work will take me at least two hours.
01:05Will I get paid time and a half for overtime?
01:08No, you won't get paid anything.
01:10But that's not fair. I'll be working later than anybody else.
01:15You got here later than anybody else.
01:19I had a good excuse for being late this morning.
01:22Good? Yes. Believable? No.
01:26I'm sorry, Mr. Mooney, for being late, but the smog was so thick I couldn't find the bus.
01:32I couldn't. No. Get to work, please.
01:35Yes, sir. Working overtime for no money.
01:39Nobody appreciates anything around here.
01:42Oh, yes, they do.
01:45Only this morning I called our president, Mr. Cheever,
01:48and I told him that my chair was worn out,
01:51and he told me that I would get a new chair.
01:54Yes, indeed. They reward people around here who use their heads.
02:01Then how come your chair wore out in the seat?
02:14Lucy? Oh, come on in, Mary Jane.
02:16Oh, Lucy, I've got the most wonderful news.
02:19You'll never guess what happened to me.
02:21You'll never guess in a million years.
02:23Oh, what happened? Guess!
02:24Oh, come on now, Mary Jane. I'm no good at guessing games.
02:27I'll give you a little hint.
02:28What's the best thing that can happen to a working girl?
02:31You're getting married!
02:33No.
02:34No?
02:35You're engaged?
02:37No.
02:38You got a date?
02:40No, I guess I'd better tell you. I got a raise.
02:43Oh, Mary Jane, that is wonderful. Is it much of a raise?
02:46Well, no, but at least now my take-home pay is worth taking home.
02:50Oh, that's wonderful.
02:52When do you think you're going to get a raise?
02:54Me get a raise? Ha!
02:56Mr. Mooney won't even pay me for working overtime, let alone get me a raise.
03:00When did he give you your last one?
03:02Well, let me see. It was on Flag Day.
03:06I don't remember the year, but our flag still had 48 stars.
03:12Oh, that's terrible.
03:14How much money are you making now, Lucy?
03:16Oh, I'm ashamed to tell you.
03:18But every time I file my income tax, they send me a sympathy card.
03:24Have you ever hinted to Mr. Mooney that you wanted more money?
03:27Hinted? Look, I've done everything.
03:30I've skipped lunch telling him I couldn't afford to eat.
03:33I told him I have to walk to work because I can't even afford a bus.
03:37The only time I ever got a reaction out of him was once when I came in with big holes in my coat.
03:42Oh, and he gave you a raise?
03:44No, he gave me a needle and thread and told me to stop looking like a slob.
03:52Oh, darn it! I always forget that this plan is artificial.
03:59I just don't understand it, Mary Jane.
04:01Seems to me that everybody in that bank has gotten a raise except me.
04:05Oh, I just think you're using the wrong approach.
04:08Well, what is the best way to get a raise?
04:10The best way to get a raise is to point out to Mr. Mooney what a good worker you are.
04:14That you're never absent, you're never late, and you never make mistakes.
04:21Now, what's the next best way?
04:25Have you ever tried to appeal to a good side?
04:28I've never been able to find it.
04:31Well, Lucy, honestly, you've been there long enough. You're entitled to a raise.
04:34You're telling me.
04:35Well, you should just ask for it.
04:37I have.
04:38Confirm about it. Go in there in the morning and beard the lion in his den.
04:43Okay, but it would be easier getting a raise from a real lion.
04:55Mooney speaking.
04:56Oh, hello, Mr. Cheever.
04:58Yes, sir, the new chair arrived, sir.
05:00It's a beauty. I've just been admiring it, sir.
05:03Thank you very much, Mr. Cheever. Thank you.
05:08There.
05:11Whee!
05:13Whee!
05:15Whee!
05:16How are you feeling, Mr. Mooney?
05:20How are you feeling, Mr. Mooney?
05:23Oh, I'm all right.
05:24And how is Mrs. Mooney feeling?
05:26She's all right.
05:28And how was your hearing?
05:29No, you cannot have a raise.
05:33How did you know I was going to ask for a raise?
05:35Mrs. Carmichael, when you come in here on time and inquire about my health and my wife's health,
05:42you obviously aren't aiming for a cut in your salary.
05:47Mr. Mooney, I've been working here a long time now.
05:49It seems as though everybody in this bank has gotten a raise except me.
05:53True.
05:55Well, Mr. Mooney, I realize I haven't been a very efficient secretary.
06:00True.
06:02And I am almost always late.
06:04True.
06:06And I do take a little too long on my coffee breaks.
06:08True.
06:10And I'm not a very good typist.
06:12True.
06:14But, Mr. Mooney, you're not going to give me a raise, are you?
06:19True.
06:21Why won't you?
06:22Because, as you just said, you're not efficient, you're always late, you take too long for your coffee breaks, and you are not a good typist.
06:28Yeah, but you can't think of one single reason on your own.
06:35Mrs. Carmichael, we have a very busy day ahead of us. Please get to work.
06:49Mr. Mooney.
06:50What now?
06:51I think you are taking a very unappreciative attitude after all I've done for this bank.
07:00Just what have you done for this bank?
07:05Well, uh, in what condition was this bank before I came to work for it?
07:12It was the third largest financial institution in the city with assets of $300 million and 31 branches.
07:20And what condition is it in now?
07:23It is the third largest financial institution in the city with assets of $300 million and 31 branches.
07:31You see, I haven't heard it one bit.
07:35Back, back, back.
07:43I still think you ought to give me a raise.
07:45Nobody gives a raise. You have to earn it.
07:48Well, how?
07:49Either by being very efficient, which in your case is too ridiculous to discuss, or by performing some outstanding service for the bank.
07:59Like what?
08:00Like what?
08:01Well, Mr. Cheever gave his secretary an increase because she devised a new system of bookkeeping.
08:06She also suggested an advertising slogan for the bank.
08:10She also wears a sweater two sizes too small.
08:15Now, Michael, this is no time to be facetious.
08:18Now, let me give you a word of advice.
08:21Remember, the laborer is worthy of his hire.
08:26The climb up the ladder of success is not easy.
08:29How do you suppose I got where I am today?
08:31You married the boss's daughter.
08:35I did not. She was his niece.
08:39I work very hard to maintain my position here.
08:42I work extra hours.
08:44For example, today I am having lunch in my office so I can be here for an appointment with an important client.
08:50To get ahead, you have to work, work, work, work.
08:54Now, you think about that, Mrs. Conway.
09:00Mr. Mooney.
09:01What?
09:02I'm going to take ten more minutes on my coffee break and just think about that.
09:06You are impossible.
09:17You got your new chair, huh?
09:30Mooney speaking.
09:32Oh, yes, Mr. Cheever.
09:34Yes, I'm expecting Mr. Leonard any time, sir.
09:38Well, I know he's a very important client of ours, sir, but I've never met him personally.
09:44He did.
09:46He produced the Danny Thomas show, yeah.
09:50Dick Van Dyke.
09:52Oh, and I Spy.
09:55And I Spy.
09:57Oh, well, thank you, sir. That's a big help to me.
10:00Yes, indeed. Thanks very much.
10:02Oh, and thanks again for the chair.
10:05I flipped over it.
10:08Goodbye, sir.
10:16Yes?
10:17Mr. Sheldon Leonard is here to see you, sir.
10:20I'm expecting him. Send him in, please.
10:46Mr. Leonard.
10:48Why, it's so nice to see you, sir.
10:50Thank you. Have I interrupted your lunch?
10:52Oh, no. I had lunch hours ago.
10:55Oh, Mr. Leonard, won't you sit down, sir? There you are.
10:58Thank you for coming.
11:00You know, Mr. Leonard, although we've never met, I feel that I've known you for years.
11:05I used to go to all those gangster movies you were in.
11:08I'm quite a fan of yours.
11:10Yes, I made a lot of those gangster movies.
11:13In fact, I still get bumped off three times a night on the Late Late Show.
11:18Well, you were so believable as a gangster.
11:21Maybe I was too believable.
11:22Every time I stepped out of the house, the cops arrested me.
11:26Well, now, surely you explained to them who you were.
11:29Well, yes, I did, but from force of habit, I'd say it like this.
11:32I'd say, all right, get your hands off of me, copper, or you'll wind up in a cement kimono.
11:38Well, it must have been quite a loss to your public when you gave up acting to become a producer and director.
11:44What public?
11:45No, I was one of those actors that people would see on the street and they'd say, hey, hey, look, there goes Watts' name.
11:53The face was familiar, but they couldn't remember the name.
11:55Well, you have to expect that of people.
11:58From my own kids?
12:02Yeah, twice the little finks turned me in for the reward.
12:08Well, I must say it was a lucky day for television when you gave up acting and became a producer.
12:13Oh, I don't know about that.
12:14Oh, yes, it was, it was indeed.
12:16Why, anyone who owns a television set today knows the name Sheldon Leonard.
12:21Except my kids.
12:23They still refer to me as Watts' name.
12:27Well, I won't forget your name.
12:29No?
12:30No, sir, I love those television shows of yours.
12:32There's that Danny Thomas show, Dick Van Dyke, I Spy.
12:36That is the most wonderful show.
12:38The way you have worked that around so that the...
12:41Why, Mr. Leonard, you're blushing. Am I embarrassing you?
12:45Well, yes.
12:47But please continue.
12:50You forgot Andy Griffith's show on Goma Pile.
12:53Andy Griffith on Goma Pile, yes, I...
12:55And I understand that you are currently creating a new series.
12:59Well, yes, that's right. We're shooting the pilot now.
13:02You're shooting the pilot?
13:05That's an expression in television.
13:07It means that we're making a test, a sample film, you know.
13:10In fact, that's why I'm here to see you.
13:12Oh?
13:13Yes, we have a scene in which there's a bank hold-up.
13:15And I think it would be more realistic if we filmed it in an actual bank.
13:19So, with your permission, I'd like to film it here.
13:23Film it here?
13:24Yes.
13:25In this bank?
13:26Yes.
13:27Well, now, I'd like to oblige you, Mr. Leonard, but that would disrupt our entire day.
13:33Well, I don't intend doing it during your business hours.
13:36No, we'll film it at night after the bank is closed.
13:39Well, it's unprecedented and against all regulations.
13:42We're bonded and fully insured.
13:44Well, I'm afraid not. It's quite out of the question.
13:48The screen credit will read Technical Advisor Theodore Mooney.
13:52That's Theodore J. Mooney, and when do we start?
13:57We want to film it tomorrow night, but I'd like to come in tonight and rehearse the scene with my principal actors, if you don't mind.
14:02By all means.
14:03And don't you worry about anything going wrong, Mr. Mooney. I'll watch your money as if it were my own.
14:08Well, with all the shows you do, most of it is.
14:14That's a little joke. I just made that up.
14:16Right on the spur of the moment.
14:18Maybe you could use it in your...
14:20It's not very funny.
14:24Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?
14:26Well, I would like to familiarize myself with the layout of the bank here.
14:30In the words of the trade, I'd like to case the joint.
14:33Case the joint, by all means. Help yourself.
14:36Oh, I'd better give you a key, Mr. Mooney.
14:38Oh, yes. Yes.
14:39Now, here's the key to the front door of the bank, so you can use that tonight.
14:43Ah, thank you.
14:44You're welcome, sir.
14:45Thanks very much.
14:46A great pleasure meeting you.
14:54Technical Advisor Theodore J. Mooney.
14:59Ah!
15:13Uh-oh. The bank's kind of busy.
15:15Give me your check, Mary Jane. I'll have it cashed for you, so you won't have to wait in line.
15:19Okay, thanks.
15:20Would you like the bills in any particular denomination?
15:23Well, I'd like it in tens, but it's only for five dollars.
15:27Let's only take a minute. Maggie, when you get a chance.
15:34What's the matter?
15:35Shh!
15:36What's the matter?
15:37Shh!
15:39The bank is gonna be held up.
15:41Held up? How do you know?
15:43That man behind us is a gangster.
15:45A gangster?
15:46Yeah, look.
15:47No, don't look.
15:49I don't want him to get suspicious.
15:51Now you can look.
15:53Don't look at me.
15:54Now you can look.
15:56Don't look so long.
15:58Susie, how do you know he's a gangster?
16:00Shh! Because I recognize his face.
16:02Just look at him.
16:03Don't look.
16:05Are you sure he's a gangster?
16:07Of course I'm sure.
16:09He's probably one of the ten most wanted crooks in the whole country.
16:12Doesn't he look like a crook to you?
16:14Don't look.
16:17You know something?
16:18I think I saw his picture in the post office.
16:21Boy, he's got a criminal face if I ever saw one.
16:23With those beady eyes and that thin, cruel lips.
16:27Look at that.
16:28And that low-slung forehead.
16:31And look at that receding chin.
16:33He hasn't got a receding chin.
16:35Shh!
16:36He probably had a chin job.
16:39We better call the police.
16:41Hey, we can't call the police.
16:42He hasn't done anything yet.
16:46I'm gonna go up and see if I can hear what he's saying.
16:52Hello, Frankie.
16:53It's all set for the bank tonight.
16:55Yep, it's a perfect setup.
16:57Have the boys here at eight o'clock.
17:00No, we can't wait.
17:01We have to shoot the pilot.
17:21I was right.
17:22He is going to rob the bank tonight.
17:24What?
17:25Not only that, he's gonna make his escape in a stolen airplane.
17:28How do you know?
17:29He just said he was gonna shoot the pilot.
17:31Let's call the police.
17:32No, now wait a minute.
17:33We don't have any evidence.
17:34Well, you said he was gonna rob the bank tonight.
17:36Yeah.
17:38And I'm gonna be right here when he does.
17:40Lucy, you're crazy.
17:41No, I'm not.
17:42The minute he starts robbing this bank, I'm gonna catch him red-handed.
17:45You better tell Mr. Mooney.
17:46I will not.
17:49There's probably a reward out for that crook.
17:52Mr. Mooney's the type who would keep it.
17:54Besides, this is my chance to do something for the bank so I can earn my raise.
17:58There's gotta be an easier way to get a raise.
18:01Well, there is, but I'm not the type to wear a sweater.
18:03Two sides is too small.
18:06Now, listen.
18:07This is what we're gonna do.
18:08We?
18:09Yes, we.
18:10Now, listen.
18:18Oh!
18:24Will you please tell me why we have to dress up like trick-or-treats?
18:28I already told you so they'll think we're scrub women and not kill us.
18:32Well, I hope not.
18:33I wouldn't want to get caught dead in this outfit.
18:35Never mind.
18:36Hey, Charlie, you wait in the car.
18:38Oh!
18:46Okay, fellas, come on.
18:50That nerve of him coming right through the front door.
18:53Really, stop it.
18:55Shh, don't talk.
18:56Listen.
18:57Don't talk.
18:58Look, you're talking.
18:59Let's not talk about not talking.
19:00Shh, shh.
19:02This is really a setup.
19:04It's a perfect setup.
19:05Yeah.
19:06There's a good place for us to line the people up when we start shooting.
19:09Right there.
19:11Now, remember, this whole thing has got to go like clockwork or we blow the whole bit.
19:15Now, Louie, you go back to the cashier's cage and scoop up all the money, right?
19:20Go.
19:22You, you get ready to unpack the nitro so you can blow the ball.
19:25All right?
19:26You stay at the door.
19:27Keep an eye on the...
19:34We can...
19:35Louie.
19:36Hey, Louie.
19:38Now, where did he get to?
19:39What's the matter, boss?
19:40Louie disappeared.
19:41Go get him, will you?
19:43You bet.
19:44Now, I want you to remember that you've got to keep an eye on this door all the time.
19:58Harry.
19:59Hey, Harry.
20:01Harry, Louie.
20:02Where did they get to?
20:03Everybody is disappearing here.
20:04Go find them, will you?
20:05Okay, I'll get them.
20:06Bring them on.
20:07I've got to talk to them.
20:19Hey, boys.
20:21Louie.
20:22Harry, Pete.
20:23Somebody.
20:25Where did everybody get to?
20:35What are you doing?
20:37Oh, excuse me.
20:38I thought we was here alone.
20:41No, we wasn't here alone.
20:43How?
20:44Did you see some men go back there?
20:46Men?
20:47Yeah.
20:48If there was men back there, do you think we'd be out here?
20:53I'd better go see for myself.
20:59Wait a...
21:05I'll get you, crook.
21:08Harry, hold him.
21:09Hold him now.
21:10Don't you move or we'll let you have it.
21:13What are you talking about?
21:14You're going to rob this bank, you dirty crook.
21:16I am not robbing anything.
21:18I'm going to shoot a pilot.
21:20That's murder.
21:21That's even worse than robbery.
21:23Look, ladies.
21:24Let me explain.
21:25This is a mistake.
21:26I'm not a crook.
21:27Never mind.
21:28I know a crook and I see one and I've seen your face a thousand times.
21:31Yeah, of course you have.
21:33I'm what's-his-name.
21:37You've got me so confused now, even I can't remember.
21:41Somebody's coming.
21:42Oh, maybe another member of his gang.
21:44Hold him there.
21:45Now look, ladies.
21:46Quiet!
22:04He's loading up his own bank.
22:06What are you talking about?
22:08What's going on here?
22:11Mr. Mooney, he was robbing your bank.
22:13Oh, he's not doing anything of the kind.
22:15He's a bank crook.
22:16Get your hands off me.
22:17We got him.
22:18Come on, get your hands off me.
22:20You don't know what you're talking about.
22:22I don't know what you're talking about.
22:24He's got a whole bunch of men here.
22:25He was robbing the bank.
22:27You're making a big mistake.
22:29You're all making a mistake.
22:31You're all making a mistake.
22:33You mean he's not here to rob the bank?
22:35Of course not.
22:36Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
22:37Now, what happened?
22:38I don't know.
22:39All the years I've been in the business,
22:41I never had to fight any gangsters as tough as these two broads.
22:47Well, who are you?
22:48What are you doing here?
22:49I'm rehearsing a new television series here.
22:52A television series?
22:53Yes.
22:54Yes, he's the well-known actor-producer.
22:57Actor.
22:58Oh, of course.
23:00Oh, I should have recognized you.
23:03Why, you're...
23:05You're...
23:06Well, what do you call him?
23:08I don't know what's his name.
23:12He's Sheldon Leonard.
23:14He's Sheldon Leonard.
23:16Oh, Mr. Leonard.
23:19Oh, I feel so embarrassed.
23:21I'm terribly sorry.
23:23Come on, Mary Jane.
23:24Let's get out of here.
23:25I'm sorry.
23:30Just a moment, you two.
23:33Just a moment.
23:35I want to know what's going on around here.
23:38Well, uh...
23:39Yes, so do I.
23:40Yeah, well, uh...
23:41I'm Mr. Mooney's secretary,
23:43and I thought you were robbing the bank,
23:45and Mr. Mooney said I could earn a raise
23:47if I did something extra and special,
23:49and when I heard that you were gonna shoot a pilot,
23:54well, I thought you were crooks,
23:55and that if I caught you, I'd get a raise,
23:58and the Department of Income Tax
23:59could stop sending me sympathy cards.
24:04What's she saying?
24:07I wouldn't know.
24:08I speak seven languages, but not hers.
24:12I'm terribly sorry.
24:13Come on, Mary Jane.
24:14No, wait, wait, wait.
24:15Wait a minute.
24:16Come back here.
24:17Come here.
24:19You ever done any acting?
24:21Acting?
24:22Yeah.
24:23No, sir.
24:24Well, I suddenly got this idea
24:25for a new television series.
24:27It would be about this kooky, redheaded girl, you see,
24:30and she works in a bank,
24:31and she gets into all sorts of impossible situations,
24:35and forget it, nobody would ever believe it.
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