The Lucy Show-S5E10: Lucy And John Wayne
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr Mooney sends Lucy to deliver some papers pertaining to the financing of John Wayne's latest production. Despite his orders to drop off the papers with one of the studio's secretaries, Lucy insists on meeting Mr. Wayne in person at lunch and spills ketchup all over him. She then trails him to his movie set and causes all sorts of havoc.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr Mooney sends Lucy to deliver some papers pertaining to the financing of John Wayne's latest production. Despite his orders to drop off the papers with one of the studio's secretaries, Lucy insists on meeting Mr. Wayne in person at lunch and spills ketchup all over him. She then trails him to his movie set and causes all sorts of havoc.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show Starring Lucille Ball
00:16Co-Starring Gail Gordon
00:46It's 10.30. Where have you been?
00:49Oh, everywhere. This certainly has been a busy morning.
00:52Don't give me that.
00:56Now is the moment you came to work.
00:58Yes, sir.
01:00Yes, sir.
01:01Where are you going?
01:17Mrs. Carmichael!
01:20If you are ready, I would like you to take some dictation.
01:23Yes, sir. I'm ready.
01:24I have to get a note out with these contracts that I have to get out this morning.
01:27Yes, sir.
01:28Now then, this note goes to Mr. John Wayne.
01:31John Wayne.
01:37Mrs. Carmichael.
01:39Yes, sir.
01:40Mr. Wayne is a client, and when I dictate correspondence to him,
01:43I wish you would refrain from going...
01:47I can't help it. He's my all-time favorite.
01:50Nevertheless, I wish you wouldn't fall apart every time I mention his name.
01:54I just wish he was here to pick up the pieces.
01:58I am not interested in whom you would like to be picked up by.
02:03Now, Mrs. Carmichael, let's get busy, please.
02:05And when you sit down, you can't take dictation standing up, I have to say.
02:08Yes, sir.
02:09All right. Now then, are you ready?
02:10Yes, sir.
02:11All right.
02:12Dear Mr. Wayne.
02:14Dear Mr. Wayne.
02:17Enclosed herewith is the movie script you sent us,
02:20along with the final contract regarding our financing of your current production,
02:25the one about the war wagon.
02:28The war wagon?
02:29Yes.
02:30What's a war wagon?
02:31Well, it's a large armored wagon, and in this picture,
02:35it's transporting gold across dangerous, hostile territory.
02:39Oh, are there Indians in it?
02:41Yes.
02:42Who else is in the picture with you?
02:43I don't know. Let's get on with the dictation, please.
02:45I haven't finished the note.
02:46He always gets the girl, doesn't he?
02:48Yes.
02:49That's good. And the girl's usually Maureen O'Hara, you notice?
02:53I'd like to be in it.
02:54Just take that.
02:55Yes, I have.
02:56Now, let me see.
02:57Yes, we are very pleased to participate in a venture
03:00that has already made your company so prosperous.
03:05Prosperous?
03:06Yes, prosperous.
03:08Couldn't we just say rich?
03:12Mrs. Carmichael, if you don't know how to spell prosperous,
03:15you can look it up in the dictionary.
03:17Well, you have to know how to spell it before you can look it up.
03:21Besides, I think Mr. Wayne would say rich.
03:24I don't think he'd say prosperous.
03:25Oh?
03:27Well, now, maybe Mr. Wayne would say rich.
03:30All right, put down rich, then sign it.
03:32Yours truly, Secretary.
03:34Yes, sir.
03:35Mr. Mooney.
03:36Hmm?
03:37Instead of signing the letter, yours truly,
03:39I think Mr. Wayne would like it better if you said something like,
03:43Until our trails cross again,
03:46may your grazing be the greenest,
03:49and your waterhole never run dry.
03:56I remain yours till the feathers of the red man turn gray.
04:01You sign it, your bronco-bustin' buckaroo Tex Mooney.
04:07And how would I send it, pony express?
04:11Well, I just thought that...
04:12Never mind, Mrs. Carmichael, just sign it.
04:14Yours truly, and sign Theodore J. Mooney.
04:17All right.
04:18Oh, here.
04:19These are the contracts that go with the note.
04:21I want you to take them to the studio immediately.
04:24Oh, yes, sir.
04:25Yes, sir, I'll see that Mr. Wayne gets them personally.
04:27Oh, no, you don't.
04:30Just take them to the entrance and leave them with the receptionist.
04:33But, Mr. Mooney, it wouldn't be any trouble at all.
04:35My girlfriend, Mary Jane, works at that studio,
04:37and I could have lunch with her.
04:38No, Mrs. Carmichael.
04:40Just leave them with the receptionist,
04:42and don't bother Mr. Wayne.
04:56Oh, Mary Jane, I just saw some Indians.
05:00Oh, gee, look at all these wonderful costumes.
05:04Oh, it must be fun working in a studio
05:06with all kinds of glamorous stars around all the time.
05:09Yeah, it is fun.
05:10Hi, Bill.
05:11Hi, Ed.
05:13Hi, Mary Jane.
05:14Oh, hi, Ed.
05:15Ed, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Mr. Carmichael.
05:18This is Ed Nelson.
05:20Doesn't that hurt?
05:21Not me.
05:23But it sure bothers my wife when we're dancing.
05:29That's funny.
05:30Oh, that's funny.
05:32Hi, Mary Jane.
05:33Hi, Mary Jane.
05:34Oh, hi.
05:35Oh, that was Burt Lancaster, wasn't it?
05:38Oh, no, Lucy, that's Mr. Simon.
05:40He's the director.
05:41Oh, sure looked like Burt Lancaster.
05:44Hi, Mary Jane.
05:45Hi.
05:47Oh, I recognize him.
05:49That's Richard Chamberlain.
05:51No, Lucy, that's the studio doctor.
05:55Oh, really?
06:04Who's that, the janitor?
06:08That was Milton Berle.
06:10Milton Berle?
06:12Oh, for heaven's sake, will I tell the girls I nearly saw Milton Berle?
06:17Was it really Milton Berle?
06:19Listen, honey.
06:20Oh, Lucy, we have to order.
06:22You're going to be late getting back to work.
06:24Oh, I don't care if I am late getting back to work.
06:26I'm still so mad at Mr. Mooney.
06:29Oh, I don't care if I am late getting back to work.
06:31I'm still so mad at Mr. Mooney for insisting that I leave those contracts with the receptionist.
06:37You'd think a man would understand how much a woman would like to meet John Wayne personally.
06:41Yes, you certainly would.
06:43Do you know John Wayne?
06:45Not personally.
06:47Well, then I think I'll introduce you.
06:50Do you know him?
06:51No, but I will when I give him these contracts.
06:55Lucy, I thought you gave those to the receptionist.
06:58Not on your life.
06:59You think I was going to give up a chance like this?
07:01I'm going to give these to Mr. Wayne personally.
07:04Now, do you think he'll be in here for lunch?
07:06Well, he usually is, but sometimes he has lunch in his dressing room.
07:10Oh, really?
07:11Hi, Virginie.
07:12Oh, hi, Joy.
07:13Hey, Joy.
07:14Yeah?
07:15Do you know where Mr. Wayne is?
07:16No, I don't.
07:17Anything I can do?
07:18Well, my friend's looking for him.
07:19Oh?
07:20Yes, I work in the bank and I have some very important contracts for Mr. Wayne.
07:23Oh, yes, we've been expecting those.
07:25Thank you so much.
07:28Who was that?
07:29The receptionist.
07:30The receptionist?
07:31Oh, no.
07:54Hi, honey.
07:56Hello.
07:57I thought you didn't know him.
07:59I don't.
08:00Well, he said hello to you.
08:02Well, he says hello to everybody.
08:04He called you honey.
08:05He doesn't know my name.
08:09Gee, that's even better than a name.
08:11Oh, if he ever called me honey.
08:13Wow.
08:14Very friendly.
08:15Oh, he's so nice.
08:17Mary Jane.
08:18Yes?
08:19I want it on the phone.
08:20Oh, okay.
08:21Here's your usual, Mr. Wayne.
08:23Oh, bring me some ketchup.
08:25Right.
08:34There you are, sir.
08:36Anything else I can get for you, sir?
08:38No, I'm fine.
08:39Howdy.
08:43Hi.
08:44I'm Lucy Carmichael.
08:46Oh, well, uh...
08:50I'm John Wayne.
08:52Oh, I know you are.
08:57Oh, it's nice meeting you, Mr. Wayne.
08:59I work at the bank and I brought some contracts over here for you today.
09:03Well, thank you.
09:04I thought about bringing them to you in person,
09:06but I realize that you're a very busy man and I didn't want to bother you.
09:10Oh, I'm never that busy.
09:11Yeah, well, whether you're busy or not,
09:13I just thought there's no reason for people to bother you
09:16and that's why I left the contracts outside with the receptionist.
09:20So I wouldn't bother you.
09:21Well, that's very considerate.
09:23It must be very bothersome.
09:25People bothering you all the time,
09:27like when they ask you for your autograph and everything.
09:30Well, I never considered that a bother.
09:32Oh, can I have your autograph?
09:35Oh, of course.
09:39Uh, did you bring a piece of paper?
09:42No.
09:43Oh, I didn't want to bother you, but I...
09:46Oh, could you maybe put it on the back of this?
09:49Well, this is a page out of my script.
09:51Oh, I would love to have a page out of your script.
09:54Well, it's...
09:55I would love that.
09:58Would you care for something?
10:02Well, would you like something?
10:03Well, just a cup of coffee if it's no bother.
10:08Now then, just say to my dear friend Lucy Carmichael.
10:13To my dear friend Lucy...
10:16Lucy...
10:17Carmichael. C-A-R-M-I-C-H-A-E-L.
10:20I always spell it for people because sometimes they spell it E-A-L,
10:24and we have the Scotch clan spelling A-E-L.
10:27Maiden name used to be McGillicuddy.
10:29That's how Scotch I am.
10:32Um, let's see.
10:33Who I enjoyed having lunch with in person.
10:40I mean you in person, not me.
10:43Who I enjoyed having lunch with in person.
10:46Uh, together, today, alone.
10:51Together-today-alone.
10:53Together...
10:54Today...
10:55Alone.
10:56Alone.
10:57Yes, now if you'd just put the date down there in the corner.
10:59The date?
11:00Yeah, when I get back to the bank, I'm gonna have it notarized.
11:05Notarized?
11:06Yeah, well, they'll never believe this back home.
11:09Thank you so much.
11:10Oh, I'll cherish this.
11:14You know, Mr. Wayne, I watch all of your old pictures on television.
11:18Do you?
11:19And even though I know you started out quite a long time ago,
11:22you still look so handsome and so young.
11:25Well, thank you.
11:26I'd like to have that notarized.
11:29Well, it's true.
11:30Most actors don't look anything like they do in their old pictures on television.
11:34You know what I think ages them?
11:36What?
11:37Staying up all night watching their old movies on television.
11:48Oh, you're funny.
11:49You know, I think I've seen every picture you ever made.
11:52Really?
11:53Some of them eight or ten times.
11:54Well, thank you, that's very nice.
11:56Oh, you know you were such a sensational army general
11:59in a picture called Cast a Giant Shadow.
12:02An army general.
12:03And what a dashing naval officer you were in In Harm's Way.
12:07Remember that?
12:08Yes.
12:09Yeah, did you enjoy making that?
12:10Very much, yes.
12:11Did John Ford direct it?
12:12No, he didn't direct it.
12:14He directs most of your pictures, doesn't he?
12:15Yes, he does.
12:17And most of the time you have marine O'Hara in your pictures, don't you?
12:19That's right, yes.
12:21She has beautiful red hair.
12:22Yeah.
12:26You know something?
12:27You were the greatest marine of all time in The Sands of Iwo Jima.
12:31Just the greatest.
12:32Well, thank you.
12:34Gee, you've been in every branch of the service.
12:36No wonder we won the war.
12:38Well, I never thought of it that way.
12:42Yeah, you've been in the service so long,
12:44I think Bob Hope should play a Christmas show just for you.
12:53Yeah, I'm in trouble with that hair.
12:54Let me help.
12:55Let me help.
13:01I'm terribly sorry.
13:03Here, let me help you.
13:04No, don't help, please.
13:05Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
13:06Well, Miss Carmichael,
13:07I think that I'd better get back to the dressing room
13:10and study my lines.
13:11Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Wayne.
13:14Oh, here, you haven't even touched your sandwich yet.
13:16Well, I'll take it with me.
13:17Oh, okay.
13:18Oh, and Mr. Wayne, here.
13:20You might want that where it belongs.
13:26Oh, Mr. Wayne.
13:36Now, Lucy, they don't usually allow visitors on the set, honey.
13:39Yeah.
13:40But I'll talk to the assistant director.
13:41Oh, Brian.
13:43Oh, hello, Mary Jane.
13:44Hi.
13:45Listen, Brian, this is my friend, Lucy Carmichael.
13:47How do you do?
13:48And she wants to see John Wayne shoot.
13:50Well, we don't usually allow visitors on the set.
13:53Well, I told her that.
13:54I'm a personal friend of Mr. Wayne's.
13:56As a matter of fact, I just had lunch with him.
13:59Oh, well, in that case, I guess it will be all right.
14:02Oh, good.
14:04And I'll see you later.
14:05Right.
14:06Have fun.
14:07Okay, places, everyone getting ready to roll, huh?
14:11John, you ready?
14:12I was born ready.
14:16Lady.
14:17Lady, would you mind stepping over here?
14:21You're right in front of my camera.
14:23Oh, is that my jacket?
14:29Excuse me.
14:31All right, now.
14:32All right, let's get ready.
14:34Rolling.
14:35Warwick and Company, scene 53, take one.
14:41Action!
14:53Yeah!
15:04Tal, we better get out of here.
15:06This place is loaded with Pierce's men.
15:08The way I look at it, this place is loaded with two of our men.
15:13But Tal, there's ten of Pierce's men here and there's only two of us.
15:16Couldn't we pick a time when the odds are more even?
15:18Okay, let's wait around until six or more Pierce's men come in.
15:23Ha-ha! You tell them, that's right.
15:28Ah!
15:30Who's that?
15:32Someone the bank sent over not to bother me.
15:35Is he a friend of yours?
15:36Seems that way.
15:39I want absolute quiet on the set.
15:41Quiet!
15:42Absolute quiet!
15:44Ah!
15:46Oh, my, that is a hot light!
15:53Oh, my, did you have a lot of those hot lights around you like that?
15:56Yes, yes, lady.
15:57Yes, you see, we have them all over the set.
15:59If you look right around, we have them all.
16:01You have to be careful where you stand.
16:02Yes, I will. Thank you.
16:03And I must ask you, please, don't react that way off camera.
16:06Oh, I've got something to tell you.
16:08That's the way they're going to react to Mr. Wayne all over the country
16:12in every theater that he plays in.
16:15Yes, I hope so.
16:16You better just get used to it.
16:18When they hear a line like that, they say, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:21Yes, but that's in the theater, ma'am.
16:23Here on this set, we can't have that.
16:24You see, all these actors have to be able to concentrate when Mr. Wayne comes in.
16:27Oh, well, let them get used to it, because if they're in a Wayne picture,
16:30they're in the best.
16:31And that's the way he's going to react.
16:33Yes, you're right.
16:34You're right, and that's what we want.
16:35But you'll help us a great deal if you'll just take it easy, right?
16:38Just don't get too upset.
16:40That's the way I feel.
16:42Watch out for those hot lights.
16:46John, Burt Lancaster's shooting on the next stage.
16:49Couldn't you send her over there?
16:50Why?
16:51Burt's never done anything to me.
16:55Well, all right, if you want to let her stay around.
16:58All right, places, everybody.
17:00We'll pick it up from Mr. Wayne's last line.
17:03Roll them.
17:04Scene 54, take one.
17:08Action!
17:10Okay, let's wait around until six more of Pierce's men show up.
17:28Howdy, Pierce.
17:36Howdy, Tall.
17:39Been a long time.
17:41Yeah.
17:44Been a long time.
17:49You mouth off like that again and you'll be a dead man.
17:56And a cut!
17:57Cut, cut.
17:58I didn't do anything, I didn't move.
18:00John, I think you skipped some dialogue.
18:02Oh, wait a minute, let's take a look.
18:04What's that, blood?
18:05No, ketchup.
18:08Well, no wonder I missed it, there's a page missing.
18:11Oh, a page missing.
18:12Oh, maybe that's my fault.
18:14Perhaps this is the page that you gave me on your script, is that the one?
18:17That's the one.
18:18Well, let's see now, you're supposed to say,
18:20here you and your boys been looking for, you said that, didn't you?
18:22And he says, that's right, Tall, and you say,
18:24well, now you can stop looking and start talking.
18:27And he says, reckon I ain't fixing to be seen talking to no jailbird.
18:32And then you say, you mouth off like that again and you'll be a dead man.
18:35Oh, I got it, I'll remember.
18:37Listen, Mr. Wayne, I think it would be better if you said,
18:41you mouth off like that again and you'll be pushing up daisies.
18:46Pushing up daisies.
18:47Now please, miss, we've got...
18:49Wait a minute, Joe.
18:50I like pushing up daisies better.
18:53All right, pushing up daisies.
18:56You want to rehearse it once?
18:57Yeah, let's rehearse it.
18:58No, let's roll it, I know the dialogue.
19:00Okay, roll it, go ahead, roll it.
19:02Go on, roll it.
19:04John, you sure you don't want to clear the set?
19:06I think you blew this scene.
19:07Well, I'd rather blow a scene than lose a fan.
19:11That's why he's been up there on top so long.
19:14Thank you, ma'am.
19:21That's the kind of a man he is.
19:23Yeah.
19:24I mean, all of his fans know about him, Mr. Wayne.
19:29He knows that about him.
19:30Oh, yes, yes.
19:31Everybody knows that about Mr. Wayne.
19:33Yeah, all right, places, roll them.
19:35Scene 55, take one.
19:38Action!
19:41Action!
19:42Hear you and the boys have been looking for me, Pierce.
19:47That's right, Tom.
19:49Well, now you can stop looking and start talking.
19:55Well, I reckon I fix into a beat scene talking to no jailbird.
20:06All right.
20:09You mouth off like that again and you'll be pushing up daisies.
20:13What?
20:16He forgot his line.
20:17I can't say!
20:19He forgot his line.
20:20I don't blame you for forgetting.
20:22It's new, it's brand new.
20:23I just gave it to you.
20:24Then you say, you mouth off like that again, you'll be a dead man.
20:27That's what it was.
20:28You're supposed to say, you'll be pushing up daisies.
20:30I was just taking a long pause for effect.
20:34Oh, I thought he forgot his line.
20:38Okay, roll them, go ahead.
20:41All right, roll them!
20:43Scene 56, take one.
20:46Boom!
20:47Action!
20:50You mouth off like that again and you'll be pushing up daisies.
20:55If you're looking for trouble, Tom, I got plenty of boys that can give it to you.
21:02Well, I'll let you make the first move, but you better remember it may be your last.
21:09Oh, now, Tom, me and the boys didn't mean nothing personal.
21:14Take him, boys!
21:21Look out!
21:28What are you doing?
21:30I saw her give him a knife.
21:32I saw her give him a knife.
21:34He took a knife to Mr. Wayne.
21:36Well, I know that, we're just trying to...
21:38Look at her standing there with that silly smirk on her face.
21:40We were trying to shoot a picture.
21:42Well, you go ahead and shoot a picture, but you make sure that he doesn't get hurt.
21:46Good heavens, I've never seen such brutality.
21:48They were rough.
21:49Lady, nobody here is going to hurt me.
21:53These are all my friends.
21:55Why, actually, this fellow and I started together 20 years ago.
22:00Yeah, way over 20.
22:02Never mind.
22:03I told you how good of friends we are.
22:05Now, just try and control yourself.
22:07Hey, make-up!
22:08They certainly didn't look very friendly to me.
22:10You know, I've seen, as I told you, Mr. Wayne, I've seen practically every picture you ever made.
22:15Here, let me take that.
22:16And I tell you what, I noticed in every picture that they sort of gang up on you.
22:21You're always outnumbered.
22:23You always have a tough time, and I don't think it's right.
22:26I just don't think it's fair.
22:31We all thank you, lady, but we're trying to shoot a fight scene, not a beauty contest.
22:34Well, then, you just be very careful of him.
22:36Remember, he's a star.
22:41Yeah, fellas, be real careful of me.
22:43Remember, I'm a star.
22:47All right, star, let's get back to work.
22:50Now, John, this time I want you to take one of these blood capsules, put it in your mouth,
22:54bite down on it during the fight so we get a good shot of the blood, huh?
22:56Okay.
22:57I just had no idea that they were so rough.
23:00He could really get hurt.
23:01I've seen Mr. Wayne get hurt plenty of times.
23:04You have?
23:05Sure, sometimes those stuntmen are so anxious to make things look good that they get carried away.
23:10I'll say they do, and I think this is one of the times they got carried away.
23:13All right, folks, a very important scene.
23:15I want it to go well, so quiet!
23:17Quiet!
23:18Quiet!
23:20Let's have it quiet.
23:23All right, we'll overlap the action where Chuck gets the knife from Helen, right?
23:26You ready?
23:27Make it good, gang.
23:29Roll them!
23:30Scene 57, take one.
23:34Action!
23:40He's bleeding out!
23:41He's bleeding out!
23:42He's bleeding out!
23:43He's bleeding out!
23:44He's bleeding out!
23:46Oh, my God!
23:48He's bleeding!
23:51He's bleeding!
23:54He'll be all right, I'm sure.
23:56Oh!
24:12All right.
24:13All right, lady, that's all.
24:15Now you're gonna have to leave.
24:17Oh, why should I leave?
24:18I'm Mr. Wayne's best fan.
24:21I didn't mean to hurt him.
24:22I didn't mean to do him any harm.
24:24Say something, Mr. Wayne.
24:26Goodbye!
24:30He called me honey.
24:31He called me honey.
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