The Lucy Show-S5E17: Main Street USA
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr. Mooney and Lucy travel to a quaint small town to loan the mayor money to build a highway right down Main Street. When they arrive, they are greeted with intense opposition and Lucy decides to join the anti-highway townspeople fight the new road.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1962–1968)
Mr. Mooney and Lucy travel to a quaint small town to loan the mayor money to build a highway right down Main Street. When they arrive, they are greeted with intense opposition and Lucy decides to join the anti-highway townspeople fight the new road.
Creators: Bob Carroll Jr., Madelyn Davis, Bob Schiller
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Vivian Vance
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Lucy Show Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-Starring Gale Gordon
00:47Co-Starring Mr. Mooney
01:02Oh, what a darling little town, so old-fashioned and quaint.
01:07Decadent is the word.
01:09Oh, Mr. Mooney.
01:11There isn't even a porter here to take my baggage.
01:13Well, I'll carry it for you.
01:16Oh, sweet Mrs. Collins.
01:18You don't want people to see me letting a woman carry my baggage.
01:22Well, I carried it when we got on the train.
01:26That was last night. It was dark.
01:28Read all about it! Read all about it!
01:32Paper, mister?
01:33No. No, thank you, son.
01:35Oh, look, Mr. Mooney. Your picture's on the front page.
01:38Well, I'll be... How much is that paper?
01:40A nickel.
01:41Do you have change for a dollar?
01:43No, sir. Oh, that's okay. You can pay me next time.
01:46Oh, here, here, son. Here's a quarter.
01:49Keep the change.
01:50Thank you, ma'am.
01:51It's all right.
01:52Paper!
01:54My, that was very generous of you, giving that boy a quarter.
01:58Oh, he seems so nice and trusting.
02:00Yes.
02:01Well, don't forget to remind me that I owe you a nickel.
02:08Oh, well.
02:10What does it say about you?
02:11Banker Theodore Mooney arriving in town to confer with Highway Planning Commission.
02:16Yeah, that sure is nice of them, putting your picture in the paper, huh?
02:20Well, they should.
02:21I worked hard to convince the Highway Commission
02:23that a freeway through Main Street here
02:25would bring this town progress and prosperity.
02:28Oh?
02:29I thought that you wanted the freeway through here
02:32so you could build your big shopping center.
02:34Mrs. Carmichael, I assure you my motives were most honorable
02:40and in the best interest of the community.
02:44Mrs. Carmichael!
02:46I didn't say anything.
02:47I know, but I don't like the tone of what you're not saying.
02:53Look, the brass band.
02:55Well, I didn't expect a welcome like this.
02:58How about that?
03:10Hey, Mrs. Carmichael!
03:12Why, Mel Tinker!
03:14What are you doing here?
03:16Well, how nice to see you.
03:19Oh, you know, this is my hometown.
03:21I was raised here.
03:22No kidding.
03:23Yeah, my folks are pretty upset about this freeway situation
03:25so I thought I'd pay them a visit and cheer them up.
03:27Oh, how nice.
03:28Take this.
03:29This is my boss, Mr. Mooney.
03:30Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:31Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:32Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:33Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:34Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:35Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:36Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:37Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:38Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:39Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
03:40I can see that.
03:43Pink and I live in the same apartment house in L.A.
03:45We're very good friends.
03:47That figures.
03:49Mel's a musician and a composer.
03:51Oh, you ought to hear all the music he's composed.
03:54Oh, I can't wait.
03:56Well, I wrote the march that the band was just playing.
03:59Really?
04:00Yeah.
04:01What's it called?
04:02Mooney, Go Home?
04:04No, sir, there's no title or lyrics to it.
04:06It's just a march.
04:07Well, I think it's very catchy.
04:09Da-da-dum, da-da-dum.
04:10Da-da-dum, da-da-dum.
04:11Mrs. Carmichael, please, please.
04:13Look, I was supposed to meet a member of the planning commission named Weber.
04:17Can you tell me where I can find him?
04:19Well, he just passed here with the band.
04:24Well, I suppose we'd better check in at the hotel if we can find it.
04:27Where is it?
04:28Oh, wait a minute.
04:29Look, we have no porter here, but let me help you with the bags, okay?
04:31Oh, that's very nice of you, ma'am.
04:33I'd be more than happy to see you.
04:35Excuse me, would you carry this for me, please?
04:36Yeah.
04:37Go wash that.
04:51Now, no tour of Bancroft would be complete without a visit to Doc Putnam's.
04:56Why's that?
04:57Well, take a look.
04:59Now, to most people, this might just be another drug store,
05:02but here in Bancroft, this is our main street of go-go.
05:06Oh, well, let a go-go in.
05:14Oh, I just love it.
05:15It's so old-fashioned.
05:18A coffee grinder.
05:21Oh, smell that.
05:24Oh, and look, penny candy.
05:27Do you know I can remember when you could get a penny's worth of candy for a penny?
05:30Amen.
05:32What's going on there?
05:33Oh, that's a chess game.
05:34Now, that's Doc Putnam.
05:36He owns the drug store.
05:37And that's John Bubbles.
05:39Now, those two have been at each other's throat over that chess board for the last 20 years.
05:43You're kidding.
05:44Who usually wins?
05:45I know the game isn't over yet.
05:48Who's the other gentleman?
05:49Oh, now, that's old Uncle Joe.
05:51Hey, he's 105.
05:53You gotta be kidding.
05:55True.
05:56105.
05:57105.
06:15I think I'll take my knife and move it over here and block off your vision.
06:24Well, fine, fine.
06:25And I'll just capture your queen.
06:26Hold it, hold it.
06:28I said I think I'll move it over here.
06:34I didn't actually move it yet.
06:36Why, you did go move it.
06:38I did not.
06:39I just jiggled it over there.
06:41And a jiggle is not a move.
06:44Well, it is when you jiggle it all the way over to another square.
06:48Well, I jiggled it all the way back, didn't I?
06:50Oh, I'm not gonna play with you anymore.
06:52You keep moving these chess pieces around like they were flying saucers.
06:56I didn't move anything.
06:58I just jiggled.
07:00Now, he's a complete stranger.
07:02Now, we'll let her decide.
07:04Miss, did he jiggle or did he move?
07:07Well, I'd say he half jiggled and half moved.
07:12What kind of an answer is that?
07:14The lady means it all depends on your point of view.
07:18Right, ma'am?
07:20Yes, sir.
07:21Oh, that's ridiculous.
07:23Look, either he jiggled or he moved.
07:24Not necessarily.
07:26For instance, take this bottle of whiskey.
07:29Now, a pessimist would say it was half empty.
07:33An optimist would say it's half full.
07:46Is that how he got to be 105?
07:50Hey, Doc?
07:51Yeah?
07:52How about fixing us a couple of sodas?
07:53Oh, yeah, yeah, coming right up.
07:55Don't you do any jiggling while I'm gone.
07:58Jiggle, jiggle all the time.
08:00Jiggle, jiggle.
08:02Jiggle, jiggle, done.
08:04Well, what do you have, folks?
08:07Uh, what do you recommend?
08:09Well, I usually have a strawberry ice cream soda.
08:11Oh, that sounds wonderful.
08:13All right, two strawberry ice cream sodas.
08:15Oh, and Doc?
08:16Yeah?
08:17In a clean glass.
08:18In a clean glass.
08:19Well, you know, Doc does pretty good on the washing,
08:22but lately he don't see so good
08:24when it comes to the rinsing.
08:26He sees pretty good when it comes to jiggling.
08:30Oh, uh, Miss Carmichael,
08:32this is John Bubbles.
08:34How do you do, Mr. Bubbles?
08:36Hello.
08:37Old Uncle Joe's asleep.
08:39Oh, already?
08:41Mr. Bubbles used to own the garage here,
08:43but he sold it and bought the livery stable.
08:46The livery stable?
08:47I thought horses were practically extinct.
08:50I bought the livery stable
08:52so I'd have more time to catch up
08:54on my hanging around.
08:56Well, that gives you an idea
08:58how the folks around here feel about progress.
09:00Yeah, you know something?
09:02I appreciate a small town
09:04after all the hustle and bustle of the big city.
09:06Yeah, it's a shame
09:08they're going to bury it under a freeway.
09:10Well, are you sure it's a lost cause?
09:12You still have that public meeting
09:14tonight with the highway commission.
09:15No, no, no, that meeting won't do any good.
09:17Why not?
09:19Well, you know, the local people here in Bancroft
09:21just figure they can't fight city hall.
09:23Well, then why did you bother
09:25with all those signs
09:27and that big parade this morning?
09:29Brass bands and parades are very big here.
09:31But you know, when it comes to politics
09:33and speeches, that's something else again.
09:35See, this isn't like an election.
09:37No matter what the local people want,
09:39the highway commission calls the shots
09:41on a freeway.
09:43Well, I think that's ridiculous.
09:45If I lived here in Bancroft,
09:47I'd find some way to convince
09:49the highway commission
09:51that they're making a terrible mistake.
09:53They are just going to ruin
09:55this beautiful little town.
09:57We already had one meeting with them
09:59to discuss the issue of pro and con.
10:01What happened?
10:03Those highway officials are pros
10:05when it comes to con.
10:07Well, folks,
10:09here's your two strawberry ice cream sodas.
10:11Who ordered the clean glass?
10:13For the lady.
10:15Here you go, baby.
10:25Oh, boy, that's what I call
10:27a real old-fashioned ice cream soda.
10:29You know, this whole place
10:31reminds me of an ice cream parlor
10:33that was in my hometown
10:35when I was a little girl,
10:37especially the piano.
10:39Hey, Tink, play something for me,
10:41will you?
10:43It's been ages since I've heard you play.
10:45Let's see.
10:54Hey, Bub?
10:56Yeah?
10:57You know what this is?
11:00Diddly bop bop bop
11:02Biddy bop bop bop
11:04Oh, diddly bop bop bop
11:06Boopity bop bop bop
11:08Shoopity bop bop bop
11:10Diddly bop bop bop
11:12Oh, diddly bop bop bop
11:13You know somethin'?
11:18There were no skyscrapers in my hometown There were no bright lights on Old Broadway
11:26There were no taxis out on Old Main Street No midnight cabaret
11:33They were just plain people in my hometown Always up with the chickens every morn
11:40If a fella had a gal, he would not have to watch his back In the town where I was born
11:48Hey, uh, how about some dancing now?
11:50I'm ready when you are
11:52Well, just put your feet in my hands
11:54You got them, just don't squeeze them too tight
12:10Hey, hey, hey
12:38Hey, where'd you learn that one?
12:40Hangin' around
12:42I like that
12:45Yeah?
12:47Well, come on down and hang around a while and I'll teach it to ya
12:50Yeah?
12:51Uh-huh
12:53Now, just take your right foot
12:56Lay it down low
12:58Now take your left foot
13:00Don't add no more
13:02Now put them both together
13:04That's the latest style
13:06Now stop, rest a while
13:09That's long enough, come on
13:11Hey, you can breathe easy on this gait
13:15Yeah, ha-ha
13:17Let's walk around a little bit
13:21Now stop
13:30Ha-ha
13:36Ha-ha
13:42There you go!
13:44Ha-ha
13:46Ha-ha
13:52Good afternoon, Mayor Adler
13:54Good afternoon, Mr. Moynihan
13:55May I present Mrs. Carmichael, my secretary?
13:58How do you do, sir?
13:59How do you do? Your Honor
14:01Oh, Your Honor
14:02May I say that it must be quite an honor to be mayor of such a beautiful little town
14:07Thank you
14:09Mr. Moynihan, your bank has even greater assets than I imagined
14:13Oh-ho-ho
14:15No wonder you got elected
14:19Sorry I'm late, folks
14:21Oh, hello, Mr. Weber
14:23Weber, I can tolerate a member of the Highway Commission marching with the protesters because the band needs a tuba
14:31You have to wear it to this meeting
14:33Well, I never can get it off after I eat lunch
14:38Well, when you show up at that highway meeting tonight, you better have it starved off of you
14:43Yes, sir
14:45Now sit down
14:46Yes, sir
14:48Your Honor
14:50Your Honor, may I say that I think it would be a terrible shame to put a freeway right down your main street
14:58It is so beautiful
15:01I visited all your shops, and I was in old Doc Putnam's drug store, and I walked all around
15:07Oh, I just loved the parade this morning
15:10Da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum
15:13Da-da-dum, da-da-dum
15:15This is Carmichael
15:18Weber
15:21Yes, sir
15:22One more blow and out you go
15:25I'm sorry, sir
15:28Now, Weber, where do you suggest putting the off-ramp?
15:32Well, I think the off-ramp...
15:34I hope it will be where it will help the bank shopping center
15:38Oh, it will
15:39The highway department has said that the off-ramp will come right here, right through Doc Putnam's drug store
15:45Oh, you can't do that
15:48Why not?
15:49Well, how can old Doc Putnam and Mr. Bubbles play chess on an off-ramp?
15:55And, Mr. Weber, that grass band that you're so proud of, without Main Street, you know, you'll be holding your parades on a freeway
16:02You'll start off with 76 trombones and wind up with one piccolo player
16:07But, Mrs. Carmichael...
16:08Hey, Mr. Weber, you were born and raised here
16:11These are your people
16:13Can't you do something to get out of this mess?
16:15Lady, I can't even get out of this tuba
16:19What about you, Your Honor? Can't you do something?
16:22Mrs. Carmichael, will you keep out of this?
16:24I appreciate your sentimentality, Mrs. Carmichael, but I have to be realistic and consider progress
16:31Progress
16:32Well, if you ask me...
16:34Nobody asked you!
16:38I think we'd be making a lot more progress if we had a lot more wonderful little towns like Bancroft
16:43What do you mean, we? You're not even a citizen here
16:47I'm not the only one that feels like this, and you'll find that out tonight
16:51Now, look, Your Honor, can't you convince the men on the Highway Commission that Main Street is more than just a street?
16:57It's a way of life!
17:00If I lived here in Bancroft, you know what I'd do
17:03I'd get up a petition about this
17:05And at that meeting tonight, I'd say,
17:07Who needs industry and commerce and all that high-pollutant-air-pollutant progress?
17:14If it doesn't get better just because it gets bigger...
17:17Well, thank you, Carrie Nation!
17:22That was a very pretty speech, but the Highway Commission has already determined where that freeway is going
17:28And you will not sway them, even if you take that cracker-barrel philosophy of yours and set it to music!
17:35I think that is a very unfair attitude, Mr. Mooney
17:38If you have...
17:41Set it to music!
17:44Da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum
17:48Da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum
17:51Da-da-dum, da-da-dum, da-da-dum
17:54Mrs. Carmichael, will you stop?
17:57Stop? I haven't even started yet!
18:03Well, it is apparent by this meager turnout that the majority of the townspeople are in favor of a freeway in Bancroft
18:11Therefore, I officially proclaim the approval of...
18:41Freeway in Bancroft
19:12Not a big thoroughfare
19:14Ah, but you didn't care
19:16Cause you walked down the square
19:18And your neighbors were there
19:20And you'd see all the sights that you'd seen there before
19:23From the livery stable to the old drugstore
19:27Life was sweet, life was long
19:29You would meet someone you know
19:31And you'd blast the time of day
19:35When the heart's in the right
19:37Don't you ever wonder what ever happened to Main Street
19:40U.S.A.
19:43Hey, by the way
19:44Are you wishin' what I'm wishin'?
19:46What do you say we get together and sign a big petition
19:50To preserve a wonderful American tradition
19:54Main Street, U.S.A.
20:01They'd form a crowd
20:03He came to town
20:05To sell the wagon load of wheat before the price went down
20:09And what do you know?
20:11There's Uncle Joe
20:12Yeah!
20:13They say that he's a hundred and five or so
20:16I know, I know!
20:17Oh, what a sight on a Saturday night
20:21Every light shinin' bright as can be
20:25Isn't it fun to reminisce
20:27And isn't it kinda sad that this is just a memory
20:39Main Street, U.S.A.
20:44Main Street, U.S.A.
21:07There's a place that I know
21:09I remember long ago
21:11It's Main Street, U.S.A.
21:14What a thrill, what a treat
21:16Every time you put your feet on the pavement
21:18On Main Street, U.S.A.
21:22Hey, by the way
21:24Are you wishin' what I'm wishin'?
21:26What do you say we get together and sign a big petition
21:30Let's preserve a wonderful American tradition
21:34Main Street, U.S.A.
22:04Main Street, U.S.A.