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00:00If I get promoted to loan supervisor, that's an extra
00:29160 a month. Four months, weekend in Zurich. If I get it. I should have ironed my, why
00:36didn't I iron my fucking tie? Hey Mark, I thought you'd be out by now. Nope, not out
00:42yet. Haven't been in yet. Lovely soft face. Remember, it's just Barbara and Lucy in there.
00:48Relax, have a bloody good laugh. You're right, totally right. A laugh. Have a nice
00:53laugh. Do you think Geoff's charity squash stuff's going to count for much? Mark, don't
00:58worry, it'll be fine. I'm sure you're going to get it. Oh, Sophie, have you ever been to
01:07Zurich? What? Too much, too much. Very clean, apparently. Ruthlessly clean. Talking of which,
01:14badminton round robin. He's still on for Wednesday. Yep, still on. And I was thinking, afterwards...
01:19Hey Sophie. Hey fuckface, you're on. Forget it mate, you're dead in the water. I'm going
01:26to be relaxing all over you. Welcome to my world. Man, I am so glad you got me in here.
01:35Nice. Wicked. So, let's go down to the studio and start riffing on some shit, yeah?
01:42Totally, yeah. Although obviously one of us has to be on reception at any one time, unless
01:47Hazel can cover, that's really important. Okay, I get it. The code, right? We bide our time
01:54until we pick the perfect moment to start really shaking shit up and get noticed. Yeah.
01:58Although, one of the best ways to get noticed early on is to pick up a four-pintner on the
02:03way in, ask Ron if he wants a latte before... Jesus, man, what happened? You got like a Blair
02:08witch here? Oh, yeah, that's Tony's. You know, next door Tony? Oh, the one you wrote to...
02:17Tony's theme for? She's like some kind of drug. Kind of like ketamine, but with nicer hair.
02:24Well, you're all set, aren't you? You, my friend, are a music studio reception runner
02:30now. Gets the women hot.
02:33Yeah? Oh, yeah. It's a savage garden, my friend. A savage garden.
02:40Shall I ask what he means?
02:43The interview went really well. Glad I didn't mention the phones. Keep the big idea on ice
02:49for now. Maybe should have mentioned the blind kids. Although, could have sounded like I just
02:54did it for my CV. I definitely did not do that just for my CV.
02:58Mark?
02:59Hey, Sophie!
03:00Mark, Barbara's asked me to let you know there's news.
03:02What? They didn't give it to Geoff?
03:05No, no, they didn't.
03:06Yes!
03:08No, Mark, let me sit down. Um, they didn't give it to Geoff, but they didn't give it to
03:15you either.
03:16Is this... is this a funny joke?
03:19No, Mark. Listen, this is weird. Really weird. But Barbara, she asked me to temporarily
03:25take over the supervisor role.
03:27Well, good. That's good. Great. Well, I'll just get on with these.
03:34Oh, let me...
03:35It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
03:37So, what happened? Congratulations. What the hell happened?
03:40Apparently, Barbara thought no one came up to the required standard and they decided as an
03:45interim.
03:46Sure, sure. But what's the real deal? What's the story behind the story?
03:49Does there need to be a...
03:51No, I mean, you know how... you know how I think of you, but you've got to say I'm the
03:56better loan manager, right? You've got to say that.
03:58Well...
03:59You've got to say that, haven't you?
04:01You're very good at your job, Mark.
04:03Well, thanks, boss.
04:05That's quite alright. Now, do you reckon you can finish off the Hertfordshire file?
04:08Yeah, right.
04:09Bye tonight?
04:10You're serious?
04:11Well, it's not a big... just...
04:13No, totally. That's fine, fine. Yeah, I'll do that. Fine.
04:18And if you could just dance a death clock dance all over my hopes and dreams and leave
04:22a girl turd in my happy place... Shit! I should have milked those blindies dry!
04:27Yeah, so this is really very similar to a much larger version of the old graphics equaliser
04:33that you might have had on your hi-fi in that it takes the graphics, which is another word
04:39for music, and it equalises them...
04:42I've lost her. She's gone.
04:44Christ, I'm actually quite boring when I put my mind to it.
04:48And you've got the Chemical Brothers in Six.
04:50Yeah! Yeah, they're great. Really great group. Lovely guys.
04:54Come on, this is it.
04:56So, just sitting here, it's almost like you can feel your mojo expanding.
05:01Jess, you haven't seen my book yet?
05:02No, I don't think it's...
05:05Oh, hi. Hi.
05:08Is that Burroughs and the Drug Culture?
05:11I love that book.
05:12Me too.
05:13I've been reading it for like a year.
05:15I'm on the bit where Kerouac finishes his Benzedrine high,
05:18looks back at his novel and realises he wasn't even holding a pen.
05:22Of course, Ginsberg's over in the corner, isn't he, laughing,
05:25but crying at the same time.
05:27Yeah. Yeah.
05:28Oh, great. They've clicked.
05:29I read it for my book club.
05:30Brilliant. I hear clicking.
05:31It shits on birdsong.
05:34So, Jez, do you think you could have a look at that thing for me on reception?
05:38The thing?
05:39Yeah.
05:40Oh, that.
05:41I fixed that.
05:42Oh, did you?
05:43It's gone again.
05:45No, I fixed it.
05:47Twice.
05:48I was just down there.
05:50It's definitely not working.
05:52Fuck off.
05:53What isn't?
05:54The thing.
05:55You fixed.
05:56Listen, I'm just showing Tony around at the moment.
05:59Jeremy, I'm fine.
06:00Your thing sounds important.
06:02Maybe...
06:03Hands.
06:04Super hands.
06:06Super hands could show me the rest of the equipment.
06:10It's cool.
06:12There's a bond of trust.
06:13Trust.
06:14He won't break the bond of trust.
06:16Ouch!
06:19Sorry.
06:20Yeah, sorry.
06:21You'll be sorry, bitch.
06:22What a horrible...
06:24I couldn't hate her.
06:25Why oh, why oh, why didn't I tell them the phones thing?
06:28The phones thing rocks.
06:29Sophie.
06:30Climbing over my dead body to...
06:31It's not her fault.
06:32She doesn't even realise.
06:33She's just a stooge.
06:34A beautiful, stupid, ugly, shitting, filthy, grasping stooge.
06:38Whoops!
06:39Heh.
06:40Come on, Mark.
06:41Keep it real.
06:42I'm just a stooge.
06:43I'm just a stooge.
06:44I'm just a stooge.
06:45I'm just a stooge.
06:46I'm just a stooge.
06:47I'm just a stooge.
06:48I'm just a stooge.
06:49I'm just a stooge.
06:50I'm just a stooge.
06:51I'm just a stooge.
06:52Don't let this ruin things.
06:54Besides, once you're going steady, you can grind her down.
06:57Put her handbag in the fridge and tell her she's going mad.
07:00Ha ha ha ha!
07:02What's funny?
07:03Nothing.
07:04Sorry.
07:05Good shot.
07:06It's just a game.
07:07A grown-up game.
07:08Mousetrap.
07:09Downfall.
07:10Hunt the Yorkshire Ripper.
07:11It's not her fault.
07:12Why didn't I mention the fucking phone?
07:15Phew!
07:17Fifteen-nine.
07:19Well played.
07:20Should we call it today?
07:21What?
07:22I'd love to play another game, but I've been invited to this dinner thing.
07:25I thought we were going for dinner.
07:26Oh, yeah?
07:27We never said.
07:28I thought we said.
07:29I don't think we said.
07:31Because the whole team's going and Barbara was...
07:33The whole team.
07:34The team.
07:35Sorry, Mark.
07:36It's really rude, but I thought you...
07:37It's fine.
07:38It's all fine.
07:40Everything is clear.
07:41I love her.
07:42She is going to kill me.
07:44It's all totally fine.
07:46She's my guest.
07:48I invited her.
07:49Why should I be the one making Ron lattes all day?
07:53Cheers!
07:54Just showing Tony the old drum loop from Bomb Dog.
07:58She'll get bored of him.
08:00Just like she got bored of me.
08:02Okay.
08:04See ya.
08:05Are you sure you can get home from here?
08:06Uh-huh.
08:07You can never go home again.
08:09Winter's coming.
08:10Is this Stalingrad?
08:12Is this where it all ends?
08:14Or is this where it all starts?
08:18This is a good idea.
08:20This is a great idea.
08:22It's exactly the sort of thing they're looking for,
08:24and it's exactly what they're not expecting.
08:26Just do it.
08:27Alan, Mike, Barbara, hope you don't mind if I butt in.
08:30Mark.
08:31Don't worry, I'm not going to tuck in courtesy of the expense account.
08:34I just thought this might be a good opportunity for me to share with you my vision of...
08:38Mark, can this wait till tomorrow?
08:40Can JLB's future wait till tomorrow?
08:43I don't think so.
08:44And I think you'll agree when you hear the great idea
08:46I was just too darn friggin' scared to spill it into you.
08:50Mate, I know you wanted...
08:51Reroute the phones.
08:53This was definitely a good idea.
08:56Simple as that.
08:57Reroute the phones to everyone's mobiles.
09:0024-hour, face-to-face, round-the-clock, customer-freaking-service.
09:04It's like, hey, I'm clocking off, finger to the customer.
09:08Well, not anymore, because...
09:09Probably best if you go home now, old son.
09:12But I've worked with blind kids.
09:14I'm the full package.
09:16Think about it.
09:17I'll have my action plan on your desk first thing in the morning.
09:20This was definitely a good idea.
09:22There's no chance this wasn't a good idea.
09:28Call yourself a mate, mate.
09:30What?
09:31Oh, yeah, right.
09:32What?
09:33I saw you leave her flat this morning.
09:35She wanted bongo lessons.
09:36What can I say?
09:37The lady has a passion for percussion.
09:38She hasn't got a bongo.
09:40You weren't carrying a bon...
09:41There was no bongo.
09:42You don't need a drum to teach someone...
09:44Look, mate.
09:45I'm next door.
09:46I heard you.
09:47Your noise last night.
09:49Oh, that.
09:50That was nothing.
09:51That was press-ups.
09:52Yeah, well, you certainly seem to enjoy the last few a lot.
09:55Hey, mate.
09:56Sometimes you've really got to push for the burn.
09:58Hmm.
09:59Uh-oh.
10:00It's the human time bomb.
10:01Don't poke him.
10:02Don't rile him.
10:03Hey, Jeremy.
10:04Hey, man.
10:05How are you doing?
10:06Good to see you.
10:07Join the party.
10:08We're just hanging out with the band.
10:09Long day at the studio.
10:11So, how are you doing?
10:13Oh, good.
10:14I'm feeling pretty good.
10:15Great.
10:16The way I see it now, Barbara is an experienced man-manager.
10:20And if she thinks Sophie's right for the job, then Sophie's right for the job.
10:24Hey, Barbara.
10:27Thought we should have a follow-up meeting.
10:29Read the phones thing.
10:30Oh, you're not here.
10:31Well, I'll just leave my new idea in your desk.
10:33Give you time to think about it.
10:35Yeah, so my new idea is urine.
10:37Loads and loads of urine.
10:39Flooding your drawers.
10:40What do you think about that?
10:41Don't you think that would be just the ticket?
10:44Yeah, you're getting some too.
10:48JLB credit.
10:49Fuck off, please.
10:50What?
10:51From Sophie.
10:53Application letter to...
10:55She did it.
10:56She stiffed me.
10:58Well, Sophie's drawer's getting a dousing too.
11:01Or I could park a turd on her desk.
11:04Bit freaky.
11:05Pissing's okay.
11:06Pissing's just horseplay.
11:07Oh, my God.
11:08Oh, no.
11:09I didn't do it.
11:10It's not my piss.
11:11It was a joke.
11:12She did it to me last week.
11:13Shit!
11:14Mark?
11:15Sophie, I didn't realise you were still here.
11:18Yeah, I've been working late down in marketing.
11:19What are you doing?
11:20Oh, just likewise.
11:22Working late.
11:23Left a file here somewhere.
11:25Right.
11:26Mark, I'm glad I bumped into you, actually.
11:29About the other night at the restaurant, I just wanted you to know that I'm...
11:34Don't notice the piss.
11:35Don't notice the piss.
11:36Yeah, Mark?
11:37Oh, yeah, totally.
11:38Oh, there's the Finamore numbers.
11:39I knew she had these here somewhere.
11:40Let me get those for you.
11:41Oh.
11:42Thanks, Mark.
11:43Um, listen, do you want to...
11:44Better not, thanks.
11:45Got a lot to do.
11:46Thanks.
11:47Yeah, I've got to take the letter-shaped knife out of my back, Judas.
11:50Okay, they're a bit crinkled.
11:51Hello, Mark.
11:52Sophie?
11:53I'm coming in if you're decent.
11:54I'm not.
11:55I'm not.
11:56I'm not.
11:57Thanks.
11:58Got a lot to do.
11:59Thanks.
12:00Yeah, I've got to take the letter-shaped knife out of my back, Judas.
12:03Okay, they're a bit crinkled.
12:04So what?
12:05Hello, police.
12:06Someone broke into my office and crinkled my papers and things.
12:07I think not.
12:08Hello, Mark?
12:09Sophie?
12:10I'm coming in if you're decent.
12:11I'm going for a coffee.
12:22What happened?
12:24It's not piss.
12:26So, I offer a mixture of therapy with other disciplines such as careers guidance.
12:31But mainly you're a careers guidance counsellor, right?
12:34I mean I just want to make it absolutely clear I'm here for careers guidance.
12:41I'm here for careers guidance, not therapy.
12:43Not therapy.
12:45Okay.
12:46What are you trying to say?
12:47Just interested in why it is you feel...
12:49Look, I don't want to talk about any difficult feelings I may or may not be experiencing.
12:54My mother, my father, or my so-called childhood.
12:58Fine. Fine.
13:01Well, often I like to kick things off with a bit of word association.
13:04It's kind of a fun way.
13:06Is it therapy?
13:06Not really, no.
13:07I'll just say a word, and you tell me the very first thing that pops into your mind.
13:13He's trying to therapize me.
13:15Okay, let's start with an obvious one.
13:18Work.
13:19Snake pit.
13:20Snake charmer.
13:22Just say the first thing that comes to mind.
13:24Money.
13:25Everything.
13:26Not everything.
13:28Children.
13:29Blind.
13:30Er, short.
13:31Father.
13:32Führer.
13:33Football.
13:33Mother.
13:34Sophie.
13:35Fuck.
13:36No, not fuck.
13:37Look, Mark, I really get the feeling you're resisting something here.
13:42Can I change any of those?
13:43What score did I get?
13:44It wasn't good, was it?
13:46You don't get a score in word association.
13:48Right, sure you don't.
13:50Maybe we should try something else.
13:53Have you ever done a Rorschach test?
13:58Just tell me what you see.
13:59A hairy twat.
14:00A hungry, devouring twat.
14:03A kitten?
14:04It's that hook.
14:08Offer the hook, we need to hit something, yeah?
14:09They don't know I'm the owner of a massive musical brain.
14:13To them, I'm just the mild-mannered janitor.
14:15The chorus is working too.
14:17Yeah, the chorus is working.
14:18Like the frog chorus.
14:20Someone needs to tell them.
14:23I'm an outsider, but I'm on the inside.
14:26This is it.
14:27This is my moment.
14:28Go on, do it.
14:29Cross the drawbridge.
14:30Make the splash.
14:32Maybe you should just mess things up a bit.
14:37Sorry?
14:37I mean, don't you think it'd be better if the sound was more sort of like...
14:41Ka-zow!
14:44Yeah.
14:45Okay.
14:46Not so much A to B to C, but more sort of A to D, and then back to A, and then to X.
14:54You know, just better.
14:57Like your first CD.
14:59I mean, obviously, I don't want to butt in.
15:01I mean, it's your song.
15:06Because, like I say, at the moment, it is very sort of...
15:10You know...
15:10Oh, God, we're doing the fucking song.
15:16When's it gonna finish?
15:19Fucking hell!
15:20Whereas I'm thinking that it should be more sort of...
15:24Whereas, like I say, at the moment, it is more kind of...
15:30Which it doesn't have to be.
15:36Yeah.
15:38No.
15:40Yeah, that's great.
15:41Thanks, mate.
15:43No problem, mate.
15:45This was definitely a good idea.
15:47There's no chance this wasn't a good idea.
15:51Yeah, anyone can see that.
15:52No, I'll tell him.
15:54All right, then, Mr T. Cheers, then.
15:58Sorry, mate.
15:59Nothing I can do.
15:59You're out.
16:00Fired?
16:02But...
16:02Ron's a tough nut.
16:04I did everything I could.
16:05What?
16:06You didn't do shit.
16:07Earlier.
16:08Had the whole thing out with him earlier.
16:10I threatened to walk.
16:11He was having none of it.
16:12Right.
16:13So, are you gonna walk now?
16:15Steady on, mate.
16:15I'm not Spartacus.
16:17That's pretty bloody obvious.
16:19Well, I refuse.
16:22I'm not going.
16:24So, what are you gonna do about that?
16:28I'm still here, Superhands.
16:30I'm still standing here.
16:31Ron.
16:31You lose.
16:33No, he won't go.
16:34I see through you.
16:35He's still here.
16:35Try and get me out of the picture so you can muscle in on my woman.
16:38No, all right.
16:38Yeah.
16:39You bet.
16:39Wouldn't it be so much easier if I just lay down and...
16:41I'll put you on, too.
16:41I'll put you on my wall and put me down and...
16:45Okay, Ron.
16:47No, that won't be necessary because I'm going to be leaving the premises immediately.
16:51Thank you, Ron.
16:57Infection your entire life.
16:59You see, he's not Lennon, but she is Yoko.
17:03I'm Lennon, but Yoko's gone off with Paul.
17:07I mean, imagine that.
17:08That's the scenario we're talking.
17:12Don't they mind you not going in?
17:14They think I'm ill.
17:15I'm screwing the system, and there's not a thing they can do about it.
17:22Sophie's going to pay.
17:23She'll pay, all right.
17:25Yeah, I mean, what's wrong with revenge and the mark on the door and plagues and pestilence
17:29and that kind of thing?
17:30Exactly.
17:30Suddenly, you're not allowed to wreak revenge.
17:33It's political correctness gone mad.
17:38Jeremy, have you seen strangers on a train?
17:42Yeah, sure.
17:42No one suspects the chef.
17:45It's about these two guys who take care of each other's enemies.
17:49Okay, right.
17:51And what happens in the end?
17:54I can't remember, but I'm pretty sure it all turns out all right.
17:59Happy painting.
18:01God bless.
18:05This is the ultimate.
18:07Yes, sirree.
18:08It's payback time, and she's paying back in fear dollars.
18:13Yeah, so what are you going to say?
18:14I thought I might just say it.
18:15I'm going to cut her up and leave her in buckets.
18:17What?
18:18No!
18:18You don't say that.
18:20Jesus, that's horrible.
18:22Just say something like,
18:25ask, is Mrs. Hugh Jass there?
18:28No, no, no, not that.
18:30She's got a thing about her bum.
18:31How about Mike Hunt?
18:33No, no.
18:34Well, what shall I say then?
18:35Shall I?
18:35Oh, hello?
18:37It's, um, I'm watching you.
18:41Not in a horrible way.
18:43Just, I can see you.
18:45Yes, I can.
18:47You're eating spaghetti.
18:50Linguini.
18:50Whatever.
18:52Well, I'm outside.
18:55I'm behind a bush.
18:58No, no, I'm not going to tell you which.
18:59Now, look, I'm the one in charge here.
19:01I'm the one.
19:02Now, look, there's no need to go over the top about this.
19:05Yeah, I'm just shitting you up a bit.
19:06Shit, Jeremy, she's got a fucking air gun.
19:08Sophie, I...
19:10Mark, she's going to...
19:11Jesus, mother bollocks, that kills!
19:14It hurts so much!
19:15She's coming, we've got to...
19:17Why not come clean?
19:18You can say...
19:20You could say...
19:21Nope, there is no possible way of making this look...
19:24Oh, fuck!
19:32It's lucky you had those boots.
19:35Yeah, I suppose everything turned out pretty much all right.
19:38Yeah, I think she got the message.
19:40I've made a psycho call to the woman I love.
19:42I've kicked a dog to death.
19:44And now I'm going to pepper spray an acquaintance.
19:47Something.
19:48I mean, what's happened to me?
19:50So, you still up for this?
19:51Yeah, no, it's fine.
19:53I'm on it.
19:53Great, good.
19:54Give me the plan again.
19:55I give Superhands the pizza,
19:58pepper spray him,
19:59then kick him in the nuts
20:00and grab his wallet to make it look like a robbery.
20:03That's the spirit.
20:06Go for it, buddy.
20:08What am I doing?
20:09I can't do this.
20:11There's no way I can do this.
20:14Do I look like the kind of person who eats pizza?
20:18There's no pizza.
20:20It's me, Mark.
20:22I've been sent to pepper spray Superhands
20:24and kick him in the nuts,
20:25but I can't.
20:27I can't, all right?
20:29It's all gone over the edge of reason.
20:31What?
20:32Look, it would really help me
20:33if you could start screaming a bit.
20:35Screaming?
20:36Yeah, and if you could tell Jeremy that I...
20:38Look, what the hell is going on?
20:39Why haven't you pepper sprayed him?
20:42Jez?
20:43Is this for real?
20:44I am not Jeremy.
20:45I am...
20:46Oh, looky, looky at this.
20:49Well, what a surprise.
20:50What a very big surprise.
20:51Another late-night bongo lesson.
20:53Jeremy, we're two single people
20:56having a great time.
20:57If you can't handle that,
20:58then go back to the 50s.
21:01Yeah, yeah, maybe you should, uh,
21:03make a move, mate.
21:04Okay, yeah, mate.
21:05I'll make a move.
21:06How about this for a move?
21:07No!
21:08No!
21:09Fuck me!
21:10Jeremy, that's enough!
21:12Jez, there's no need to...
21:13Fuck!
21:14Don't get sprayed me!
21:16Don't fucking sprayed me!
21:18It's for your own good.
21:24Okay, enough careers guidance.
21:27I need therapy.
21:35How could it possibly have been for my own good?
21:38Look, I don't want to talk about it any more.
21:41You didn't kick him in the nuts.
21:43That's something.
21:44You can build on that.
21:45The spray's gone, Jeremy.
21:47Where is it?
21:50Just tell me where it is.
21:52Look, Mr Klugman has a little mantra
21:54that I'm finding very helpful.
21:57Heal and grow.
21:58Not to be patronising,
22:00but perhaps you want to have a really good think about that.
22:08Sophie!
22:12Heal and grow.
22:13Heal and grow.
22:14Good to see you.
22:15Come in.
22:17Mark, are you okay?
22:18I've been feeling a little low lately, but...
22:22What happened with your...
22:24Oh, that.
22:24That's nothing.
22:26Jeremy just hit me.
22:28With the ladle.
22:29Jesus, Jeremy!
22:31You can't go around hitting people with ladles.
22:34Yeah, whatever.
22:34He shouldn't have pepper sprayed me.
22:35What?
22:37What's going on, Mark?
22:38You've been away for...
22:39Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, relax.
22:42I'm fine.
22:43Life is fine.
22:45Cool wet grass.
22:46Cool wet grass.
22:47I'm having therapy.
22:49I'm going to the solarium.
22:51I have spoken with the Citizens Advice Bureau.
22:54There's nothing inside killing me.
22:57Yeah?
22:58Good.
22:59Because I guess I just...
23:01I wanted to apologise about the work thing.
23:03I know how much you wanted it.
23:05Lying bitch, not bitch.
23:08It's fine, fine, fine.
23:10I've let go of all that stuff.
23:13Yeah?
23:14Totally.
23:15Oh, that's great, really.
23:17And to tell you the truth, you're well out of it.
23:18It's all politics.
23:20And the joke is I don't really want the job.
23:22But Barbara made me write an official application letter to Regional.
23:26Ah, right.
23:28Jesus, so she didn't...
23:30Oh, God, I'm such a cockmuncher.
23:31No, not cockmuncher.
23:34So, I guess I just wanted to say I enjoyed the badminton and everything.
23:38And I hope when you're back on my team, we can get back to normal.
23:41Your team?
23:43Heal and grow, heal and grow.
23:44Well, I guess it's very nice for the big lady to come down here and talk to the little man.
23:50I'm just surprised you can see me from all the way up there in your ivory tower.
23:55Oh, look, if you're going to be like that, you can fuck off.
23:58Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, don't go!
24:00Sophie, I...
24:02Hey, Mark, I found it.
24:07It's for your own good.
24:09It's for your own good.
24:39It's for your own good.