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00:00This video is brought to you by
00:30Oh, my God, my God.
00:32Oh, my God.
00:33Oh, my God.
00:34Sorry, I am a gentile buyer since Tagnet, and for many years I rode from the
01:04England to put banners on the infidel. Infidel, is it? I give you, infidel, you jumped up toffee nose twit. I'm at you. Turn it off, will you, Jaxie? Do you mind? Clear off. Whose round is it anyway? I got the last one, Robin. Little John? Three flagons of eel there, sir, Jaxie. Jaxie, did I ever
01:33tell you about William Tell and his deathbed? No. Oh, he tells this great. William Tell was only minutes away from dying when he called out for his bow and arrow, and then he called out for his missus, and he whispered. Oh, he knows this bit. Says he, wherever this arrow doth lie, that's when I want to be buried. So he pulled back the arrow with all his might and the more that was left to him, and aimed it out the window, and let fly.
01:55Pfi-shimt. Pfi-shimt. Rupe-shimt.
01:58Dunk. Two days later, the belly's been on top of the water.
02:00Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
02:03Raff, ha-ha-ha-ha.
02:08coo-chimt.
02:14I've just come from Nottingham at full gallop.
02:22Try using a hosta next time.
02:27Friar Tuck, can I get you anything?
02:29What do you have?
02:30Toasted sandwiches, potatoes, pink snacks.
02:33What's in the samples?
02:35Pigeon, venison, wild boar, squirrel, hedgehog and cheese.
02:41Cheese.
02:44Cheese.
02:47Could I have your attention, please?
02:51Could I have your attention, please?
02:53Will you all shut up?
02:54These are trying to say something.
02:55Fleck way there, these.
02:56Thank you, Jimmy.
02:58Ladies and gentlemen, I am delighted to welcome you here to the first annual Cheese To Meet You cheese tasting evening.
03:09What I want to say is,
03:11Enjoy the cheese, everyone.
03:16Well done, Dieter. Well done.
03:19This one's nice.
03:20It's very strong though.
03:22What's it called, Dieter?
03:23Glockenshall.
03:25Will you try some cheese, Father?
03:26Oh, no, Dieter. I'm grand, thanks.
03:28That was very nice, Father.
03:29I know. If I have cheese late at night, I get these weird dreams.
03:32Dreams?
03:33Yeah.
03:34Mad ones all together.
03:35Just one bite sets me off, you know.
03:37The last time I had cheese late at night, I thought it was Julie Andrews and the Sound of Music.
03:43The gas.
03:44It is, Father.
03:46What? Are you dreaming?
03:49No. I'm telling you. Maiden Marion has been kidnapped by the Sheriff of Nottingham.
03:57If there's a shower worse than them Normans, it's that shower above a knot of you.
04:03Robin is carrying a torch for Maid Marion.
04:06Are you?
04:07Yeah. She left it here the last time she was in the forest.
04:10Well, you better move fast or Maid Marion will be just Marion.
04:15The Sheriff could be ravishing her even as I speak.
04:19Well, stop speaking so.
04:21Right, Jexy. Not a moment to lose.
04:24Three more flaggings and I go straight into Olspurt.
04:38Did you see the joust from the other day?
04:40Yeah. Yeah. It was great.
04:43Fabulous.
04:46Oh, my God.
04:57Would you like some cheese, Doctor?
04:59Um, no, thank you. You can leave us, Matron.
05:03Doctor, could I have a word?
05:05Certainly.
05:06I feel terrible.
05:07What are the symptoms?
05:09It's a cartoon show with yellow people.
05:12Is there anything else?
05:14Yeah.
05:15Will I be able to play piano after the operation?
05:18Certainly.
05:19Why do you ask?
05:20Because I can't play it now.
05:25Are you sure you wouldn't like some cheese? It's very nice.
05:28No, thanks. I've already eaten.
05:31Nurse Maloney, I'm glad you're here.
05:35So am I. I'm a nurse and this is a hospital, so it makes a lot of sense.
05:39As you know, tomorrow I'm going to operate on Timmy's brain.
05:43Yes, Doctor. If you can find it.
05:47Could I have a second opinion? Certainly. Can you come back tomorrow?
05:51As you know, I'm widely regarded as the most skilful brain surgeon in the whole room.
06:04Yes.
06:05Well, tomorrow I can't operate.
06:10What is it, Doctor? Nerves.
06:15No, I've got tickets for Riverdance.
06:18Do you think you could manage it?
06:21Well, I'm not a big fan of dancing, but if you can't get anyone else...
06:24I meant the operation.
06:27Oh.
06:29Come with me.
06:36Look, it's Timmy Higgins.
06:39Now, if everything goes pear-shaped, who's going to notice?
06:45I'll do it.
06:46Good girl yourself. I knew I could rely on you.
06:50Piece of cake.
06:51No, thanks. I'm on a diet.
06:53Oh, I'll just go and tell the janitor that I don't need him any more.
07:02And by the way, if you find a cigarette lighter in his head, it's mine.
07:09Fair enough.
07:10Well, during the Crusades, Robin?
07:16Well, Fetna was.
07:17When was this?
07:18A while back.
07:1911.45.
07:2046, maybe.
07:2145.
07:22Quarter-twelve.
07:23The year of our Lord, 11.45.
07:25You lewd old.
07:26How long have you gone?
07:27Six days.
07:28And how many years was there?
07:30Six nights.
07:31We cantered out of the forest, with the armor glistening in the sun.
07:34We galloped over mountains, downed days, crossed valleys, through fjords and streams, until we came across the infidel, at the back of a ball alley and faggot.
07:50They're from Bally, the infidel.
07:51They are.
07:52They are.
07:53Well, there's this bit.
07:54Tell them about coming back.
07:56Well, on the way back, I had a class of an uneasy feeling, on account of we only saw two of them.
08:01I thought as if there must be more of them locking around the place.
08:03And I was right.
08:04Just beyond the metal bridge, we were ambushed by a phalanx of infidel.
08:09By a phalanx of infidel.
08:10There must have been three or four thousand of them there.
08:12And what happened?
08:13They made seven shades of shite.
08:14What happened?
08:15They made seven shades of shite out of us.
08:20Come on.
08:32Flipping hell, Jimmy.
08:34What are you doing there?
08:36What?
08:37Can I come in?
08:39Go away, you spatter.
08:45Oh.
08:46Finish, miss.
08:47Okay, Clancy.
08:48What have we learned?
08:49We mustn't.
08:50Pour bleach in the fish bowl.
08:51Right.
08:52Off you go.
08:53See ya.
08:54Sandra.
08:55Jimmy.
08:56I bought these, we've got them.
08:57Oh.
08:58Oh.
08:59Oh.
09:00Oh.
09:01Oh.
09:02Oh.
09:03Oh.
09:04Oh.
09:05Oh.
09:06Oh.
09:07Oh.
09:08Oh.
09:09Oh.
09:10Oh.
09:11Oh.
09:12Oh.
09:13Oh.
09:14Oh.
09:15Oh.
09:16Oh.
09:17Oh.
09:18Yeah.
09:19Oh.
09:20Oh.
09:21Oh.
09:22Oh.
09:23Oh.
09:24Oh.
09:25Oh.
09:26Oh.
09:27Oh.
09:28Oh.
09:29Oh.
09:30Oh.
09:31Oh.
09:32Oh.
09:33Oh.
09:34Oh.
09:35Oh.
09:36Oh.
09:37Oh.
09:38Oh.
09:39I was hoping you'd go to the pictures with me, like.
09:42Oh.
09:43Oh.
09:44Oh, what's on?
09:45cheese puke of the dead zombies I've seen it oh yeah no it's cheese puke of
09:54the dead zombies too oh okay I think it's a chick flick
10:01where are we going anyway to Nottingham to rescue me at Marriott right we'd be there by
10:15now if we're from scout we bugger forgot to retire up the horses sorry
10:31we're not from the rich that's what we do
10:44don't worry you're in safe hands matron's right nurse Maloney's very good hasn't lost one yet
11:03well apart from that man last week apart from the man last week and the three in June and the
11:08three in June and the five last year okay nurse that'll do sorry matron
11:13hey what are you doing with that trolley put away that yoke and help me put poor
11:18timmy up on the trolley he's doing surgery in five minutes
11:26and to you matthew penelope o'halloran sheriff of Nottingham take this woman
11:34maid marian maid marian to be your you know lawfully wedded wife hold on did she sign the prenuptial
11:40agreement
11:45i do good man good man and do you maid marian sandra bernadette chantal fifi kelly do you take this
11:53man to be your awfully lawfully wedded husband what choice do i have none
12:06hey what are you dressed like that for like what like an aegis why not yes you are i hear this is all
12:16the rage where in two mile bars and boris we're going yeah i suppose so
12:27it's awful they're everywhere why are they so horrible because they're dead you mean they're
12:35yes zombies what do they want they want our cheese oh this whole episode is like a bad dream
12:44well at least they can't get in the house
12:51back in ages
12:52hold it hold it hold it you clowns that comes later sorry boss sorry sorry work away bishop okay
13:08well if anybody knows of any reason why this union should not take place i'd say nothing if i was you
13:16otherwise the sheriff of nottingham just get cheesed off nothing fair enough right by the power invested
13:25in me by king richard the lion king i now pronounce you man and not so fast
13:35robin who is this ruffian it's robin hood he steals from the rich and gives to the poor
13:45isn't that gas why does he do that i don't know he thinks he's bono
13:53robin hood i waited all my life for this day we've chicken and ham sherry trifle four types
14:00and the disco afterwards and if you think that you're gonna spoil my big day you have another
14:06thing coming besides i don't recall seeing your name on the guest list ha ha guest list the guest
14:14list that'll keep me away has not been written the castle that'll keep me out has not been built
14:21the sword that will draw my blood has not been forged the arrow
14:25that will pierce my skin okay okay we get the picture
14:33well get this picture if only 30 seconds to live
14:37come on around let's fight and talk i think you'll find that it's you who's gonna meet his maker
14:43draw your weapon i am not in the habit of repeating myself but there are ladies present
14:51will scarlet my sword what my sword give me my sword i haven't got it what you mean you haven't
15:00got it little john has it i don't have it you unadulterated orange shock the one thing i asked
15:06you to bring i thought little john had it what would i be doing with it mother of god i can't ask
15:11you to do anything you were messing with her back at the camp no i wasn't yes you were i was
15:15cutting me toenails i gave it back to you you were playing knights and maidens gentlemen i'll simply
15:21have to kill all three of you robin sorry it's okay it's only a flesh wound you'll pay for this
15:45kill all three of you robin
15:53come on
15:55kill her
15:57kill her
15:59kill her
16:03kill her
16:05kill her
16:07kill her
16:09kill her
16:11kill her
16:13kill her
16:25kill her
16:39kill her
16:41Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!
16:48So, the great Robin Hood is at my mercy.
16:51Have you any last request?
16:53Do you mind if I strain the spuds?
16:58No!
16:59You've strained your last spud!
17:01Prepare to die!
17:03Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
17:07You idiot! What?
17:09What? What's wrong?
17:11You were roaring like a heifer stuck in a ditch. That's what's wrong.
17:16I dreamt Miss Kelly. I was marrying the Sheriff from Nottingham Forest.
17:20Football club?
17:21No.
17:22Long night, was it?
17:24No. Bad dream.
17:26I hope you didn't wet the bed like you did the last time.
17:30Cheese. I thought Philip was right.
17:33Cheese?
17:34Dieter's cheese!
17:35I knew there was something wrong with the smell of it.
17:37What are you on about?
17:38Where are you off to this house?
17:40Timmy's house!
17:44Who's the patient?
17:45Timmy Higgins!
17:46It's his brain!
17:47What's wrong with it?
17:48I can't find it!
17:49It must be here somewhere.
17:51He's a man. I wouldn't be too certain.
17:54Have any anaesthetic nearby?
17:57No.
18:00Right, ladies. To the theatre.
18:02It's showtime!
18:04Oh!
18:05Oh!
18:06Oh!
18:07Oh!
18:16Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.
18:25I want to be the one to walk in the sun.
18:28Oh, girls, they want to have fun.
18:31Oh!
18:32Oh, girls, just want to have fun.
18:35That's all they really want.
18:38Oh, girls, they want to have fun.
18:39Oh!
18:40Oh, girls, just want to have fun.
18:42Oh!
18:43The working day is done.
18:46Oh, girls, they want to have fun.
18:50Oh, girls, just want to have girls.
18:54Just want to.
18:56They want to have fun, girls.
19:00They want to have girls.
19:02Just want to.
19:04They want to have fun.
19:06Girls.
19:08They want to have fun.
19:10Are you ready, Timmy?
19:30What's going on?
19:32You were having a bad dream.
19:33What?
19:33You were having a cheese dream, a nightmare.
19:35It's all Dieter's fault, him and his feckin' cheese.
19:38Wouldn't surprise me if half the parish has gone mad.
19:39Who else said some?
19:40Timmy, come on!
19:46I just didn't know what it was going to be so scary like.
19:48Well, I thought the title might have given it away.
19:51Come on, you have to admit, it's a little bit frightening.
19:54Well, I thought it was a bit cheesy.
19:56I need a drink.
19:57Come to Jexy's with me.
19:59Yeah, whatever.
20:00Hiya, girls.
20:01A bit late for no power walkin', huh?
20:07Look!
20:09Who are they?
20:10Zombies!
20:13How's it going?
20:15Timmy, you idiot!
20:17Are you one of them?
20:18What?
20:19A zombie!
20:20Are you a zombie?
20:21No!
20:22Here, stick this on.
20:24What is this?
20:25Music!
20:26I read it in a comic.
20:27They can't resist the beat.
20:29Stuck!
20:30Okay, I have an idea.
20:31What?
20:32Maybe it's you they want.
20:33Offer yourself to them!
20:35You friggin' idiot!
20:38Timmy, go on, do something!
20:39Not me!
20:40You're the one with the Irish dancing medals!
20:42Timmy!
20:43Timmy!
20:44Timmy!
20:45Timmy!
20:46Timmy!
20:47Timmy!
20:48Timmy!
20:50Timmy!
20:51Timmy!
20:52Timmy!
20:53Timmy!
20:54Timmy!
20:55Timmy!
20:56Timmy!
20:57Timmy!
20:58Timmy!
20:59Timmy!
21:00Timmy!
21:03Timmy!
21:04Timmy!
21:05합니다可能iteanter男�van!
21:06Timmy!
21:07Timmy!
21:12Timmy!
21:23Timmy!
21:24Timmy!
21:25Timmy!
21:27Timmy!
21:28Oh, my God.
21:58Oh, my God.
22:16Get off me, you loser.
22:23What are you doing here?
22:25Trying to wake you up.
22:26You're not a zombie, are you?
22:28What?
22:30We're not zombies.
22:32I was just having a really weird dream.
22:34Yeah, it's Dieter's cheese.
22:36It's cheese?
22:37Yeah, come on.
22:44No, he's gonna pay for this one way or the other.
22:47Him and his glockenshot, terrorizing half the parish.
22:50It's all locked up now.
22:51He's not there, Dan.
22:52Let's go home.
22:53Dieter!
22:54Wake up, Dieter!
22:56Dieter, wake up!
22:58I give you a bloody nightmare.
23:00Leave it go, then.
23:01It's half six in the morning, Dan.
23:03He's not there.
23:04He is.
23:05Since Miss Fahey left, he's been sleeping inside.
23:08Come out, Dieter, you loath of you.
23:10Ah, let it go, Dan.
23:11Let it go?
23:12Let it go, is it?
23:13That's the night that bastard and his cheese put me through.
23:16No way.
23:17Give me that.
23:18Give it to me.
23:19Give it to me.
23:20Mother of God!
23:21What do you like?
23:22Dieter!
23:23I'll make this cheese for him.
23:24Give me that.
23:25Dieter!
23:26Wake up, Dieter!
23:28Ugh!
23:29Dieter!
23:32Ah, good morning, Dieter.
23:34Morning, Father.
23:36Sleep okay?
23:37As it happens, no.
23:39I had a case of the Jibbie-Hibbies.
23:41Ah, well, I slept like a log.
23:43You know, I'm gonna try some of that cheese now.
23:45That glockenshull.
23:47That's the boy.
23:48Oh, yeah, yeah.
23:49You know, now that it's daylight, I'll give it a shot.
23:50Actually, Father, I am not open till 10 o'clock.
23:54Oh, right.
23:55Well, I'll just go into Jaxi's.
23:57You know, you can drop it into me once you're out of the Jim Jams.
24:00Right.
24:01Okay.
24:04Mmm.
24:05Mmm.
24:06Mmm.
24:07I'll say one thing, Dieter.
24:08It's very tasty.
24:09Would anyone like some?
24:10No.
24:11You're all right, Father.
24:12No, thanks, Father.
24:13So let me get this straight.
24:15Everyone who ate the cheese had nightmares.
24:18That is how it seems, Jaxi.
24:19I dreamt I had no brain.
24:21Except it wasn't a dream.
24:22I believed that Dan, Timmy and Jimmy were trying to kill me.
24:26Go on.
24:27It's not cash.
24:28So Dan thought he was Robin Hood.
24:29At least I wasn't afraid of dummies.
24:30Zombies.
24:31Zombies.
24:32Zombies.
24:33Zombies.
24:34I love zombies.
24:35Watch this.
24:36Are you all right there, Father?
24:39No.
24:40You all right there, Father?
24:41No.
24:42You all right there, Father?
24:46No.
24:47You all right there, Father?
24:48No.
24:49You all right there, Father?
24:50I think so, yes.
24:51More cheese, Father?
24:52More cheese, Father?
24:53Fick off, Dieter.
24:54That stuff is ficking dangerous.
24:55I know what you mean, Father.
24:59Aaaahh!
25:00Aaaaahhh!
25:01Aaaaahhh!
25:02More cheese, father?
25:06Fick off, Dieter.
25:07That stuff is fickin' dangerous.
25:09I know what you mean, father.
25:11Ah!
25:32I know what you mean, father.
26:02I know what you mean, father.