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00:00The End
00:30It's incredible. Thanks, Brady. How long have you been into the bikes?
00:50Just recently, Father.
00:51Whoa.
00:52These bikers are very moorish.
00:54If you know what I mean, gotta go, Father, gotta burn some rubber.
01:00Lads, lads, did you hear? Tossie Farrell's milk churns went missing last night.
01:16Well, whoever swiped them is after taking a churn for the worst.
01:19Are we having pints?
01:24We would if we had someone to serve them.
01:27I see the Bally Golf Club is winding up.
01:30We should start a golf society here.
01:32I'd steer clear of the golf if I were you, Timmy.
01:36It's a treacherous game.
01:38Tia, what are you doing there?
01:40I'm filling in for Jaxie. He's gone to a funeral.
01:43Funeral? Never said anything to us about a funeral.
01:47Anyway, what do you mean about golf being treacherous?
01:49I was over at the hospital visiting Percy Burke Maguire and there was a fellow in the bed beside him.
01:56You got things that have gone bad in the hospitals when you have to share a bed.
01:59No, no, no, no. In the next bed beside him. And the poor fellow was poisoned from the golf.
02:05Poisoned?
02:06Hepatitis.
02:07Oh, yeah. I could see how that could happen, all right? Yeah.
02:10And how's that, Timmy?
02:12Well...
02:13Ploodon.
02:16It appears, do you see, that it's a custom with some golfers to lick their ball clean after they've putted it into the little hole.
02:26Oh.
02:27Only, as luck would have it, weed killer had been sprayed on the course earlier.
02:34And the poor fellow was carted off to hospital with severe stomach aches.
02:39Was he all right?
02:40Oh, yes. Mind you, his doctor advised him that in future he should let his caddy lick his balls.
02:52Three pints to your please.
03:00Hello, Father.
03:01How are you, Timmy?
03:02Uh, Father, there's something I want to talk to you about.
03:05No problem, Timmy. Just let me finish putting up this poster.
03:07No.
03:08What do you want to talk to me about?
03:10Timmy?
03:11Hello?
03:12Big Sean and the Tramps are playing in killing a scully.
03:15Yeah. I thought it was time, you know, we had an old holey livin' up the place a bit.
03:19So I think Sean was a friend of mine in the seminary.
03:21Big Sean was a friend of yours?
03:23Yeah. He spent a few years in the seminary. Did I never tell you that?
03:26No.
03:27Not long, though. I think, ah, you know, all that moving from town to town, living on the road, dressing up.
03:33Having to turn it on for the audience, even if you're feeling a bit down.
03:36Turning to drink as a consolation, as a crutch. And all got too much for him in the end.
03:41So I left the priesthood and went into the music business.
03:43Jimmy.
03:44Big Sean is my favourite singer of all time. I have all his records.
03:48If you help me fix up the hall tonight, I might just be able to get you backstage later to meet the man himself.
03:53Really, Father?
03:54Really, Timmy.
03:55Wow!
03:56Now, what did you want to talk to me about?
03:59Oh, eh, eh, you know that fella, the devil?
04:02Nein, nein, das kann nicht wahr sein!
04:04Holy God, what was that?
04:05Timmy, listen, I'll catch you later on.
04:07Nein, das kann nicht wahr sein! This is not good!
04:10Are you all right, Dieter?
04:11No, no, no, I am ungruntled now.
04:13I am waiting this morning for a parcel of special cheese I have ordered from Germany.
04:18Are you all right, Dieter? I can hear you yelping down the street.
04:21A special new cheese arrived from Germany this morning.
04:23Goodbye, Dieter!
04:25And if I get so excited about cheese, it deserves a medal.
04:28Aye, you should have a look in my fridge. I have a block of Kelvita there since 1982.
04:33I am not excited about the cheese.
04:35Well, yes, I am excited about the cheese, but nothing this way you are thinking.
04:39Do you want to be alone with your cheese, Dieter?
04:42No, I do not want to be alone with my cheese. In fact, I cannot be alone with my cheese because my cheese is not here!
04:47Are you all right, Dieter? Are you all right, Dieter? Are you all right, Dieter?
04:51Is this all you can say?
04:53Calm down, Dieter.
04:54Yes, I must calm down.
04:56Someone has stolen my schwarzfrau.
04:59The whole village is in the grip of a crime spree.
05:02What are you doing?
05:03I will tell you.
05:04You are selling your dodgy merchandise from the back of the lorry van.
05:10Right, Dieter. I am arresting you for a breach of the peace.
05:13Come on.
05:15Dieter turned out to be a light sauerkraut.
05:24I am sorry for arresting you, Dieter, but what you were saying was undermining public confidence in the force.
05:31Good girl.
05:36I am sorry too, Sergeant Dick, but now it is all water under the fridge.
05:41Fair play.
05:42Oh, as we sing in Germany, um...
05:45The road call freest singt am lautesten.
05:51What does that mean?
05:52He who eats the most cabbage sings the loudest.
05:56It's good, yeah?
05:57It's good, yeah.
05:59Come here.
06:00Look at what I have here.
06:03Polly Poo.
06:04You feed her a bottle, and after a few minutes, she'll soil her nappy.
06:09Wait for it now.
06:11Mummy, I've done your whoopsies.
06:13Very good, isn't it?
06:14Can I put you down for a couple?
06:15All right, Sergeant Dick.
06:16How much is one?
06:1840 euro.
06:20But I can do you the two for 80.
06:23Good man.
06:29Hi, Dieter.
06:30Hello, Dan.
06:31Eh, Dieter.
06:32Dick, you looking for us?
06:33Dieter's cheese went missing this morning.
06:35Now, add that to Tossey Farrell's missing milkshorns, and what have we got?
06:40A creamery?
06:42Loader.
06:43A crime spree.
06:44We got you right, Dick.
06:46A crime spree and killing a scully.
06:48What next?
06:49Drive-by shootings?
06:50Tiger kidnappings and broadband.
06:52Unless we do something about it today.
06:55I want you three to be my eyes and ears on the streets of killing a scully.
07:00If you see anything suspicious, make a mental note of it.
07:04Timmy, you can write it down.
07:09Mummy, I've made another whoopsies.
07:12Do it again, Dick.
07:15Mummy, I've made another whoopsies.
07:17Hello?
07:18Hello, Big Sean here.
07:19Hey, Big Sean.
07:20How are you?
07:21Long time no see.
07:22Not that I can see, of course.
07:24I suppose it should be long time no hear.
07:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:27I just want to give you me radar.
07:28Rider?
07:29What's a...
07:30What's a...
07:31What's a...
07:32What's a rider?
07:33It's a list of things that I be wanting backstage.
07:35Oh, right, yeah.
07:36Like, you know, smarties with the brown ones taking out champagne in the jacuzzi.
07:39That kind of thing.
07:40Well, I'm allergic to champagne.
07:41Just fill her up with tipperary spring water.
07:42Very good.
07:43Aye, and 30 scented candles.
07:45Sandalwood.
07:46Ah, stop your gas.
07:47And a meditation mat.
07:48Are you getting all this?
07:49Big Sean, I'm writing it down as we speak.
07:50I'm writing it down as we speak.
07:51I'm writing it down as we speak.
07:52I just want to give you me a rider.
07:53I just want to give you me rider.
07:54Rider?
07:55What's a...
07:56What's a rider?
07:57It's a list of things that I be wanting backstage.
07:58Oh, right, yeah.
07:59Like, you know, smarties with the brown ones taking out champagne in the jacuzzi.
08:01That kind of thing.
08:02Well, I'm allergic to champagne.
08:03Just fill her up with tipperary spring water.
08:05And a meditation mat.
08:06Are you getting all this?
08:08Big Sean, I'm writing it down as we speak.
08:10And 50 tofu sandwiches.
08:12Toffee sandwiches?
08:14Tofu, you idiot.
08:15Bloody mess.
08:16Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humour.
08:18I didn't get that.
08:21Hello, Big Sean?
08:23Hello?
08:24Hello?
08:25Hello?
08:26Hello?
08:27Big Sean?
08:28Hello?
08:29The coverage around here is shite.
08:32Now, where was I?
08:34I am Buddha.
08:35Big Sean?
08:36Well, lads.
08:37Any luck?
08:38No.
08:39Well, let's appear he biggest hussy faddle is offering a reward for any information leading
08:49to the return of his milk churns.
08:50What class of a reward?
08:51Well, he says that if the tea forms up and brings back the milk churns, he'll only break
08:56one of his legs.
08:57Now, daddy is good.
09:00Right, I'm off.
09:02Where are you off to, Dan?
09:03I promised myself an early night and I don't want to let myself down.
09:06I'd better be off myself.
09:08I have to service Kitty Gibbons.
09:10Huh?
09:11Or Punto.
09:12I'd better be off myself, should there's nothing's done at this hour.
09:17Then, silence crept around them like a blanket.
09:32Boo!
09:33Boo!
09:34Boo!
09:35Boo!
09:37I'd better leave my milk!
09:38I'd better leave my milk!
09:39I'll have a drink!
09:40Oh!
09:41Oh!
09:42Oh!
09:43Oh!
09:44Oh!
09:45Oh!
09:46Oh!
09:47Oh!
09:49Oh!
09:50Oh!
09:52Oh!
09:53Oh!
09:54Oh!
09:55Oh!
09:56Oh!
09:57Oh!
09:58Oh!
09:59You're a little cat.
10:01Oh!
10:04Oh!
10:05Oh!
10:06I've done a hootie.
10:16What the place is going on here?
10:21Bless us and save us.
10:23Dick, there's been a burglary.
10:25What's going on here?
10:27We've had a break-in.
10:28Two of the Polly Poo dolls have been taken.
10:32Ah, feck, the kettle is gone too.
10:35Have you any leads, Dick?
10:37No, they took the lead as well.
10:39It gets worse.
10:42Brightie's new motorbike's been stolen.
10:44And someone came in Mrs Gilhooly's back door last night
10:46and got their hands in her fiddle.
10:47She wants you above in the house immediately.
10:49Is it damaged?
10:50The back door is hanging off the hinges.
10:52No, I mean her instrument.
10:54Sure, it's gone.
10:55And our Seth and Sissy Cullen are the opening act
10:57for Big Sean and the Tramps above in the hall tonight.
10:59Well, I can't hang around here.
11:01Good man, Dick. Decisiveness.
11:03No, I need a cup of tea.
11:07Be-dee-dee-dum-be-dee-dum-be-dee-dum-be-dee-dum-be-dee-dee-dee-do
11:11De-dee-dee-dee-do-dee-dum-dee-dee-do-dee-dee-do-dee-dee-do-dee-dee-do-dee-do-dee-do ...
11:18Rob-the-peake!
11:22Rob-the-peake!
11:25Sorry!
11:26Rob-the-peake!
11:34Tilly, I heard voices.
11:36Me too.
11:36I'm not disturbingly am I.
11:38Oh no father, there's no one here!
11:39Ah great, listen.
11:40I was wondering if maybe I could have a listen to your Big Sean albums,
11:43just to get into the vibe before the concert tonight.
11:45Right, Father.
11:46I'd love to be in with the hip crowd, you know?
11:48Cool.
11:49Down with the groove.
11:50Cool.
11:51Hanging with the homos.
11:53Right, the record player's in here, Father.
11:55Cool.
11:59I'm really looking forward to tonight's show, Father.
12:02I mean, I am Big Sean's greatest fan.
12:05He's brilliant, isn't he?
12:06Yeah, he's good, all right.
12:07He's like the voice of a generation.
12:10No one understands me like Big Sean.
12:12Wait till you hear this track.
12:16Brilliant, isn't it?
12:18I'll just turn it off.
12:19Timmy's great, isn't it?
12:21Great!
12:22Come on!
12:27I have to go now, Timmy!
12:28The Gullulli fiddle has been in the family for three generations, and no one outside the family has laid a finger on it.
12:45a finger on it. I am not in the habit of repeating myself. But what has this village come to
12:51when a woman's personal bits are not safe in her own home? I want the culprit caught
12:58and I want an example made out of him. So we'll do our best? You'll have to do better
13:04than that. Or you might find yourself transferred to Bali. I have the minister's ear. Well,
13:11that's why his glasses keep falling off.
13:41Mr. Power. Mr. Power. You can tell us that everything is under control until you're blue in the face.
13:52But that won't bring back my precious fiddle. All my schwarztrau.
13:59Mr. Power.
14:00Counselor Power to you, Larry.
14:02Counselor Power. The people of Kilnus Scully deserve to know who the suspect is as a matter of urgency.
14:11Larry, if you were listening to me earlier on, you would have heard me say that there are numerous suspects here today.
14:18And that is the very reason why the net has been castigated wide and fair. And even at this early juncture,
14:24you yourself, Larry Cummins, may not be ruled out as a suspect.
14:28That is slander! I see you in court. Is that a confession, Larry?
14:46You won't get around me that easy. I know there's enough of you, dear.
14:49I have enough of this. Yes. Yeah.
14:57Dan, my bike's been picked. Come on, Jimmy. You stay there, Brady. We look after this.
15:10Someone needs to be paid a visit. What?
15:15Okay, gather right. I'm on the way.
15:20Thick, sick.
15:30Big Sean, how are you?
15:33The artist formerly known as Big Sean has changed his name.
15:37He now wishes to be referred to as Big Diddy.
15:39Big Diddy.
15:40Ah, I guess. Well, you know, welcome to Killing the Scully, Big Diddy.
15:46Big Diddy wants to know if you've organised the backstage requirements.
15:49The jacuzzi and the tofu sandwiches, yeah.
15:53I got that sorted for you, man.
15:55Big Diddy is happy with that.
15:57Yeah.
15:59Wasn't a joke.
16:01I'll go and organise it, yeah? Hold on a minute, yeah?
16:10Right, Timmy. We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
16:16Where's Brady's bike?
16:17I don't know.
16:20Don't give me that, Timmy. We sorry you.
16:22I swear. I don't know.
16:24Do you want us to play a tough bike?
16:25Take it easy, Jimmy.
16:27All right, Timmy. We know you want to tell us.
16:29Where's the bike?
16:30I don't know.
16:31Let me at him then.
16:33Ah, lads, that's rotten. What's the smell?
16:34It's Dieter's cheese, Timmy.
16:37OK, OK, I give up.
16:39It was me.
16:41I am the robber.
16:43But I couldn't help it.
16:45It was the voice on the records.
16:47What records?
16:49Big Sean's records.
16:51He kept telling me to rob things.
16:53You see, one day, I suppose I was bored, and I started playing the record backwards.
17:05And I started hearing a voice on the record telling me to rob things.
17:09Look, I'll show you.
17:11Rob the Melchons.
17:14Rob the Melchons.
17:16Let that bait all out.
17:18Faking subliminal messages.
17:19What's up here, Dan?
17:21It means this is a criminal record.
17:38Is he happy now, Father?
17:41He seems happy enough, but he hasn't seen the backstage yet.
17:44Listen, I have to run out for a minute, Theo.
17:46Try and keep him happy, yeah?
17:49He he.
18:04Whoa! It's like Santa's grotto. Even as Bridie's motorbike.
18:08Will I go to prison?
18:09Come on!
18:10Where are you taking me?
18:11Down to Sergeant Dick.
18:12Hello, Father.
18:14Great he asked me to drop this in.
18:16Ah, the foot spa, great.
18:17It's not a jacuzzi, you know, but it might do the trick.
18:19Is it for your feed, Father?
18:20No, Big Diddy's.
18:22What'll they think of next?
18:24With this too, toffee?
18:26Tofu.
18:28We'll see you later.
18:29Thanks, girls, you're great.
18:30Thanks a million.
18:31Hello, ladies.
18:32Hello.
18:33Big Diddy would like to use the backstage facilities now, Father.
18:37Yeah, no problem.
18:38Er, tell him everything's ready.
18:40I know, sir.
18:41The robbery has cut ten percent off my net profits from the Polly Poo dolls.
18:56And I'm gasping for a cup of tea.
18:58I have to go.
19:00Well, lads, any leads?
19:01Yeah, Dick.
19:02One big load of a thickin' lead.
19:04This is the Egypt you were looking for.
19:06It's not my fault, I swear.
19:08Big Sean made me do it.
19:12I want a jacuzzi!
19:14Big Diddy, calm down!
19:16No, you calm down!
19:22Hi.
19:24Right, Father Philip.
19:26You think you could get away with this?
19:28You think I'm a failure?
19:29Just because I left the seminary and you managed to stick it out?
19:35I know.
19:36You think you can treat me like shite?
19:39Well, let me tell you something, Father Philip Eno.
19:44I want a jacuzzi or I'm not going on that stage tonight.
19:50Oh, no, come on, Big Sean.
19:53Big Diddy!
19:54My name is Big Diddy!
19:56I'm sorry, Big Diddy.
19:57I'll get you your jacuzzi, I promise.
20:00You better!
20:02But Big Sean...
20:04My name is Big Diddy!
20:11Well, that's a first for me.
20:13Normally, when you play country music backwards,
20:16something like gets his house and his wife back.
20:18Dan, Dick, you have to help me, it's Big Diddy.
20:20Who?
20:21I mean Big Sean.
20:22He's not going to do the show tonight unless I get him a jacuzzi.
20:24What am I going to do?
20:25All the tickets are sold.
20:27If he doesn't go on that stage tonight with all these robberies,
20:29there's going to be a riot.
20:31Calm down, Father.
20:32Just go back down and tell him everything will be sorted.
20:34Back down, everything will be sorted, right.
20:36Dick, can we borrow the squad car?
20:37You can if you can find wheels for it.
20:39I have them at home.
20:41Come on.
20:43Right.
20:45Right.
20:46Right.
20:47Look, the raider says, I want a jacuzzi.
21:02I don't care, I want a jacuzzi.
21:05Doesn't matter what's in it.
21:07I want a jacuzzi.
21:09Go on, Father.
21:10Why are you looking after this?
21:11Oh, thanks, Dick.
21:13I want a jacuzzi!
21:15Big Sean.
21:17Big Diddy.
21:18My name's Big Diddy.
21:20Well, Big Diddy, or whatever you call yourself.
21:23I'm Dick.
21:24I'm placing you under arrest for the possession of stolen property.
21:27Huh?
21:28You have a van out there loaded with goods stolen from the people of this village over the last week.
21:32Yeah, and I'll tell you something, I'm not too happy about it either.
21:35And unless you want to spend the night in the station,
21:38you'll sing your heart out here tonight if you know what's good for you.
21:40Are you getting all this?
21:42Right, so, Sergeant.
21:43Good man.
21:44Aye.
21:52One, two, two, two.
21:53One, two.
21:55One, two.
21:56Ladies and gentlemen, you're all very welcome here tonight,
21:58and I'm delighted to announce that the recent crime spree has been halted
22:02by the fantastic detective work of none other than Sergeant Dick O'Toole, Robert Blunt.
22:12Of course, I couldn't let it pass.
22:13Dick, I don't know what you said to Big Sean earlier, but he's only dying to do the concert now.
22:17He even said he'd wave his fee.
22:18Arthur, I just made him an offer he couldn't understand.
22:23So now, I'd just like to call up the man who's responsible for organising the event here tonight,
22:28Father Philip Eno.
22:29Well done, Father.
22:30Well done, Father.
22:31Let's have a big kill in the scully welcome for the actor's formerly known as Big Sean.
22:40Big Jimmy!
23:10Hey, Phil!
23:11You're welcome!
23:12One, two, three, four!
23:15Woo!
23:17Help!
23:19One, two, three.
23:22Stop!
23:24Stop!
23:25Stop!
23:26I can't do this shit anymore.
23:28Now hit me!
23:29I ain't gonna sing no country and wrestling
23:42I'm gonna wear my bling and dance on my stetson
23:45I'm rockin' killin' a scully with my big diddy rhymes
23:47I'm shockin' killin' a scully with my big diddy cranes
23:50I'm rappin' in the ditches and I'm rappin' in the roots
23:56Crappin' in the britches and I'm rappin' in my clothes
23:58Slappin' on the bitches and I'm rappin' on the hoes
24:01All the way from killin' a scully like the old song go
24:03And there you have a
24:04You!
24:23La-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
24:26La-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na