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00:00Now, Sporrel, you know the three wonders of Ginsey?
00:09Mickey's bucket, the lemony doll, Mrs Boulay's face. They're really good.
00:18Yes. Well, now I present to you the fourth wonder, the Arbiter Maven Bridge.
00:26It's not quite finished yet.
00:28Modelled to the precise contours of my nose.
00:34It's massive.
00:35Yes, isn't it?
00:37This will allow me to perambulate from my chalet to the tower without getting my shoes muddy.
00:42Well, that's a good use of public money, sir.
00:44Yes, I thought so.
00:48Now, stop!
00:51This is a very rare Scheherher mushroom.
00:58I will protect you, my darling.
01:01So beautiful.
01:03Only I were younger.
01:05And a mushroom.
01:07I, Idri Mott, hereby raise the glamorous arrow to protect this mushroom and to halt the construction of this bridge.
01:22No!
01:23Don't block my nose!
01:26Bridge!
01:27Residents of Ginsey!
01:29Stand by your tessinators!
01:31Now is the time to sing!
01:33Sing!
01:34Sing!
01:35Sing!
01:36Ha ha ha!
01:37I llamada sildes and sad
01:40The trees and stumps have killed
01:44And chains and fences stream
01:47That's love and heads and bars and funds and flowers
01:51attention all residents you are reminded that gossip can be fatal today marks the death of
02:19infamous tune warbler joycey foam whose illegal method of spreading gossip through song took the
02:25island by storm reaching its zenith with her recording on wax ear cone of john bovin is a
02:30secret pill taker and is messing with that girl from the arcade joyce's demise at the hands of a
02:36sausage-wielding mob came shortly after her final release terry hint puts budges in his pasties
02:42which incidentally was issued on an extended cartridge with bonus track the clash sisters
02:47both wear wigs and janet wears a merkin
02:50yes that's nice carol oh i've done maven is ruining jintzy
03:11oh thank you keith first of all he wants to widen from lane then he wants to build a third runway at
03:18the dog track thank you sandra and now this bridge a bit bit below her please go
03:25so what you're saying trince is that this eatery malt character can stop my bridge by simply
03:33raising a child's arrow covered in glitter jintzy law is a serious business next you'll be telling
03:38me i can be arrested for gargling in a wetsuit that's a level 12 offense when did this take place
03:45let's deal with the arrow first is there not anything i can do legally yes oh there is not
03:53anything you can do legally unless you can persuade mr malt to drop the arrow stay on the mat you're
04:00dripping deli greet sir deli greet what is it sporel edry malt's been talking about you again sir
04:07i've made a list sporel you've gone orange oh there's something wrong with the wiring
04:11he said you're a complete uh an absolute and you've got like a couple of cabbages
04:17i'll have to go up stay on the mat
04:20what we need to do is build a psychological profile of him what have we found out he lives
04:34in shallow 933 sir hmm what does that tell us i'm finished yet sir he's an activist he campaigned
04:40against all that animal testing stop he's been talking about you a lot actually sir he mentioned
04:52your nasal voice yes yes your terrible dress sense yes um oh you know those little flecks of spit you
05:01get in the corner of your mouth sometimes he mentioned those but how do i persuade him to let
05:05me build my brief freckly upper arms neck flaps and i added this one because he forgot to mention
05:09it your flabby white buttocks i think that's enough now sporel you must be tired i've got more
05:13that smell in the morning sir i'm just gonna go and check on something back here
05:18um let's go to someone else now get my papers ready um okay we got mrs boudre in chalet 539
05:44uh mrs boudre what have you got for sale yeah i've got a hairbrush for sale right
05:53um but it's got no bristles
05:57so it's a brush handle it would suit someone who's either bald
06:04bald or someone who collects brush handles right how much do you want for it
06:10i want three yellows three yellows or levitation lessons
06:16lev yeah levitation flying but i only want the first few lessons because i've got a fear of heights
06:28right now we're going to go to mr cliche who's selling a hedge
06:36this is ginsy
06:38soup soap soap soap everybody loves soup soap in the kitchen or in the shower tomato life and elderflower
06:46it's soup soap soup soap everybody loves soup soap the latest thing for around the home scrub your bits
06:54then eat the foam it's soup soap the latest product from car
06:58how long is this going to take don't worry i'll have this finished as quick as you can say
07:05what's a really long word ridiculous no longer move away technically that's two words but i'll let
07:12you hyphenate it as well something's been chewing the wires pass me a screwdriver
07:19now i'm going to need a flat-headed bugle
07:36actually that's done it it's back on the swirl it was here in snoggers cavern that a profound
07:45event took place which would change edery molt's life forever
07:49i was standing right here but i heard a cry
07:55a bat fluttered towards me i lashed out
08:03i knocked his head clean off
08:08i had killed one of ginsy's rarest creatures an old bat i would give anything to find another
08:18old bat that looks like jeff
08:21what jeff that's what i call him anyway funny hairy little fella lives up in the attic
08:31i've been feeding him for weeks why do you call him jeff i don't know you just look like a jeff
08:38he's very friendly as long as you don't touch him
08:45oh my god are you all right no it's got my finger
08:54not you jeff if only we could find an old bat and now it's time for sandy's choice a talent
09:03competition judged by a dog
09:04it's cold and it's wet and it looks just like an onion it's cold and it's wet and it looks just
09:16like an onion it's cold and it's wet i haven't named it yet but it's cold and it's wet and it looks
09:26just like an onion
09:27it's blue and it's mossy and it quivers in the moonlight it's blue and it's mossy and it quivers in the moonlight
09:42it's a kind of a dusty blue with a hint of a greenish hue but it's blue and it's mossy and it quivers in the moonlight
09:51it's fluffy when it's frightened and it runs right up the chimney
10:01it's fluffy when it's frightened and it runs right up the chimney
10:05it's cold and wet and blue and mossy and fluffy and skeet and onion like
10:21it's dark
10:25all right
10:32all right
10:36we're here
10:41you
10:45And her eyebrows met in the middle, like two caterpillars fornicating.
10:57Oh, hang on.
10:58Have you come about the guttering?
11:01I've got leaks everywhere.
11:04When it rains, I have to sit here and catch the water in my mouth, like this.
11:11Drip. Drip. Drip.
11:14Then I spit it in a bucket, like this.
11:18Spit. Drip. Drip. Drip. Spit.
11:25It's relentless.
11:27It really distracts me from my work.
11:31Actually, I've been invited here for my dinner.
11:34Oh, go in.
11:37What was I saying?
11:41And, oh, yes, two eyebrows fornicating.
11:48Oh, I was going to ask.
11:50Yeah?
11:50How are the kids?
11:51Oh, they've grown up.
11:52Darren's gone off to college.
11:53What's he doing there?
11:55Sitting on the roof, really.
11:56No, I meant what's he studying?
11:57Oh, the air vent, mainly.
11:59He's trying to work out how to get into the kitchen.
12:00My eldest has just had her beak pierced.
12:04Oh, that's a cry for help, isn't it?
12:06Oh, it was.
12:07She swallowed a fish hook.
12:09Oh.
12:09I'm quite nervous.
12:17Never had a dinner party before.
12:19I tried once.
12:20I had to leave the room because other people were eating.
12:25Shh.
12:26How come he doesn't bite you?
12:27Mr. Geoff Prozard only eats vermin.
12:31Oh, thanks.
12:33Why do you call it Geoff Prozard?
12:34I don't know.
12:35He just looks like a Geoff Prozard.
12:37Ah, Sporrel, see you've got your waiter's outfit.
12:41Well, it's just a cloth.
12:42No, I meant that horrible fake tan.
12:44You look like one of those oily table boys at Big Pete's Meaty Grill.
12:48Keep the bat out of the way till the end of the meal.
12:51I want to surprise him.
12:55Mr. Maven, where do you want the salt cellar?
12:59In the middle.
13:02I'll go.
13:07Just pre-dicing these main lemons.
13:16Kicker!
13:17Do you know how to cook this natural twigarian food, then?
13:20I can cook anything, mate.
13:22I invented the soup with many faces.
13:24The triple sausage.
13:25Backer!
13:26Backer!
13:27What's the triple sausage?
13:29You take three sausages, right?
13:30Put one on top of the other.
13:32Triple sausage!
13:32It's kicker!
13:35Pow!
13:35Pow, pow!
13:47Ah, Mr. Mott.
13:49How wonderful to see you.
13:50This is a tower.
13:54Wipe!
13:55Wipe!
13:57Oh.
13:58I say you've got the glamorous arrow with you.
14:00I hope you haven't just invited me here to try to get me to change my mind.
14:06No.
14:07It's all water under the unfinished bridge.
14:09What?
14:09Come through.
14:10These are chairs.
14:12That's floor.
14:13Oh.
14:19Now.
14:20As we all know, gassy pockets are thinning all over the island at a rate of 12 theretsons
14:29per cycle.
14:30Known as the comb-over effect, gases are rising like this.
14:35Now, I propose that we build a dome covering the entire island like this.
14:46Of course, the actual dome won't look anything like this.
14:52It'll look more like this.
14:57Ah, twig talk.
14:59That's how they communicate.
15:02Chip us off some salt, old fella.
15:03Now, my plans for a mobile water sanctuary.
15:12Chewing.
15:14Yacking.
15:17Bits and teeth.
15:18Do you know, it's so nice to see Mr. Maven enjoying himself.
15:28I've never seen him look so relaxed.
15:30What you need is an escape hatch in the event of fire.
15:36The infestation of rats at Trough's restaurant has been traced to Mr. Richard's barn.
15:57The rodents are part of a new scheme to be introduced this wilter, in which they will be placed within the walls of chalets to act as live wall cavity insulation.
16:07Rats can provide an extra thermodynamic pelt layer to chalets, increasing heat retention by three or four with slightly plumper rats.
16:18The rats are provided with toys and sports equipment to keep them really sweaty, or, for a relaxing alternative, an ambient wall of sound can be achieved with a variety of musical and percussive instruments.
16:31Wall rats can power four light bulbs, a bread burner, and a pair of ladies' leg straighteners, but not at the same time.
16:54Feminist agitators, the island singers, have spoken out against the cruelty of the rats scheme in the form of a song.
17:04Scuttle, scuttle, scuttle, go the rats, rats, rats, in the walls of my chalets, they go scratch.
17:10Rats, rats, rats, scratch, scratch.
17:13Rats, rats, rats, rats, rats, rats, rats, rats.
17:18Whiskers of the window, whiskers of the window, whiskers of the window.
17:22Scratch!
17:24My carbon footprint is so small that I have to wear children's shoes.
17:34Sporrel, I can't take much more of this.
17:38I can't stand eating with other people.
17:41But you're not even at the same table.
17:43Just bring in the main course.
17:46Yeah, maybe...
17:48Oh, that's a retching fly again.
17:49And now, our thoughts go out to all his maggots at this sad time.
18:17Wait, I think he moved.
18:25Dinner is served.
18:28Element report for Freasday, the 14th of few.
18:39Words in me mouth.
18:40Make me seem good weather.
18:41But I know it's not real.
18:43Thunder.
18:44Blah!
18:44Oh, dirty shocker.
18:46Hail!
18:47Ah, ouch.
18:49Woof, woof, bang!
18:50What the fess there?
18:51Oh, it's just up.
18:53Ha, ha, ha, ha!
18:55Baaaaaad!
19:01Right, well, I'd better get these two back to their nest.
19:05The squirrels in the trunk downstairs don't like it if they come in too late.
19:08Before you go, Mr. Mott, I have a little surprise for you.
19:14It's a horrible night.
19:16Fetch them down.
19:17It's time I told you the real reason I invited you here tonight.
19:21Where's the back?
19:34Fetty, fetty, fetty, bing!
19:37Geoff?
19:38Fetty, fetty, fetty, bing!
19:40Geoff?
19:44Put the...
19:45Out!
19:45You've put...
19:46Service!
19:46He's put...
19:46Move it!
19:47Now!
19:48Quicker!
19:51Mr. Mott, you are about to see something you thought you would never see again.
19:57Not the Dawson twins doing naked cartwheels.
20:00It gives me great pleasure to present to you your very own...
20:06Head of an Ullbat on a bed of...
20:12What is that?
20:13Souffle.
20:15Would you like some at all?
20:16Maybe with some cream?
20:17It's very nice, if you ignore the little severed head.
20:22Yum, yum, yum.
20:24Yum, yum, yum.
20:25Geoff!
20:27Let me hit him.
20:29You murderer.
20:32Mr. Mott, you, Mr. Mott, you, Mr. Mott, you, Mott, you, Bing!
20:35Are we sure it's dead?
20:38No!
20:39Don't eat that.
20:40The Ullbat is incredibly poisonous.
20:43It's a slow, orangey death.
20:49Where's his little body?
20:52It was in the stew.
20:55Coffees.
20:58Liquors.
20:58We've eaten an Ullbat.
21:00We're gonna die.
21:02Wait.
21:04There is one antidote.
21:07What?
21:10I'm feeling so much better.
21:37Almost back to normal.
21:38Would you like a mouse, sir?
21:39No, not for me.
21:40Right.
21:41Here we are.
21:43The fourth wonder of Jinsey.
21:45No.
21:47You have to go the mucky way round.
21:49From now on, I shall have lovely, clean shoes.
21:54Oh, Rex, Rex.
22:06That's not Rex.
22:07I'm Rex.
22:09Well, who's that then?
22:10I don't know.
22:11Frank?
22:12No, I'm Frank.
22:13Oh.
22:14Oh, fair diddly well, my Jinsey-o.
22:20We stand here in our booties.
22:23I shake the stick of Nedgerdale.
22:26I suck my feathered fluteies.
22:30It's cold and it's wet and it looks just like an onion.
22:43It's cold and it's wet and it looks just like an onion.
22:48It's cold and it's wet.
22:51I haven't named it yet.
22:53But it's cold, and it's wet, and it looks just like an unknown.