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00:01Lin la, na, lin la-ba-dain na, na-na, na
00:05Lidlal-ed, lidlal, lidlal, la-ba-dab, na-la, lidlal, lidlal, diglal, na
03:09So, the barman says, sorry, we don't serve tangled bits of rope, and the piece of rope says, sorry, wait a minute, the barman says, wait, hang on, hang on.
03:26Why does he got against bits of rope?
03:28Mother of God, will you just let him finish it, will you?
03:31The barman says, I hope you're not a tangled bit of rope, and the rope says, no, I'm afraid not.
03:37I've lost a will to live.
03:45I'm afraid not.
03:47Come on, it's funny, isn't it?
03:50I'm afraid not.
03:52I'm afraid that's a fairly good day.
03:57Mayor of the parish, I did not know we had mayor.
04:07It's just a bit of gas-teater, you know, for charity.
04:11Anyone can run and anyone can vote, provided the Send a Granny to Lourdes Fund gets one euro per vote.
04:18In Dusseldorf, my uncle was Burgermeister.
04:21Is that right?
04:22Did he have his own van?
04:23Uh, no.
04:25Oh.
04:27Excuse me, Father.
04:28Hello, how are you?
04:29I'm looking for an old friend of mine, he lives around here somewhere.
04:31We were in the Scouts together years ago.
04:34What was his name?
04:35Well, here's the thing, I can't remember.
04:38But he'd be about my age.
04:39Maybe you should ask Dan Clancy, he knows everyone.
04:43Would he be about my age?
04:44He would, yeah.
04:45Does he have a nickname?
04:47Yes.
04:48They call him Dan the Man.
04:50That's him.
04:51Dan the Man Clancy.
04:53Isn't that gas?
04:55Where would I find him?
04:58Jaxies.
05:00Thanks a million, lads.
05:09Throw on three more pints there, Jaxie.
05:11I'm going to the Jax.
05:12Why don't you tie a knot in it?
05:14Luder.
05:15Morning, campers.
05:19Can I get you something?
05:21Well, you can get me a meeting with me old buddy Dan the Man Clancy.
05:25I understand I'll find him here.
05:27He's Dan.
05:29Dan!
05:30Long time no see.
05:31It's fairly impressive looking, all right?
05:39Two hundred euro, father.
05:41It would cost you twice that in the shops.
05:43Is that right?
05:44Yeah.
05:44Listen, Dick, can I leave these with you?
05:47They're leaflets for the mayoral election.
05:49There's a York door, make sure I'm working cleaning the church.
05:52I have it.
05:53I wouldn't want to put Mrs Gilhooly out of a job.
05:55With this, father, you wouldn't need any old bags.
05:58In fairness, Dick, she can be a bit annoying sometimes, you know, but she does a great job cleaning the church.
06:03It's a bagless vacuum cleaner, father.
06:07Oh, right.
06:10You won't tell her I said that, will you, Dick?
06:12It's only two hundred euro, father.
06:14Right, gotta go.
06:15Oh, I can't believe you can't remember.
06:29This might help, right?
06:32Ory, airy, hickory, Anne.
06:34Fill your father's hickory, Jan.
06:36Who be scary, hairy, merry.
06:38Hickory, tickory.
06:39No.
06:41I'll have a point of whatever he's on.
06:43Look, this one might help.
06:45Ging, gang, ghouly, ghouly, ghouly, ghouly, ghouly, wash, wash, ging, gang, goo, ging, gang, goo.
06:52Come on in, lads.
06:53Ging, gang, ghouly, ghouly, ghouly, ghouly, ghouly, wash, wash, ging, gang, goo, ging, gang, goo.
06:59Well, do you know this, fella, then?
07:02I never met this Egypt before in my life.
07:05Mickey Mooney.
07:06St. Gumbna, O'Toole Scout Troop, Wicklow, Jamboree, 1967.
07:10Now, don't tell me you can't remember that.
07:12Are you in the Boy Scouts, Dan?
07:13No.
07:14Of course he was.
07:16Dan the Boy Clancy, huh?
07:18She had burnt down the mess tent, remember?
07:20I tell you, lads.
07:21We couldn't eat for three days.
07:24You see, the Dan is a great man for cooking the old sausages, right?
07:28It's no wonder they called them bangers.
07:29Isn't that right, Dan?
07:33What do I do?
07:34It's on fire.
07:34It's on fire.
07:34Charlie, go away!
07:40Clancy!
07:41Oh, I tell you, lads.
07:43A sausage in the wrong hands can be a dangerous joke.
07:46Isn't that right, Dan?
07:48I was never in the Scouts.
07:50You see, Dan was on a warning from the previous year, right?
07:52Because he poisoned the girl guys with his spotted dick.
07:55Shh!
07:57So, up steps tricky dicky, lava suits, and I took full responsibility for the conflagration.
08:02Fair play to you.
08:03Ah, sure, that's all you can do.
08:05Be prepared.
08:06You're a lucky escape there, Dan.
08:07I wasn't there.
08:09Dan, Dan says, if you're ever in Kilnest Scully, you've got the full use of the Clancy cottage.
08:14I said no such thing.
08:16If you're ever in Kilnus Scully, you have the full use of the Clancy Cottage.
08:19Dan, Clancy.
08:32Sergeant! Sergeant!
08:34What is it, Larry?
08:36I want to report an explosion.
08:39An explosion?
08:40What?
08:41Look, I can't hear a word.
08:45There was an explosion.
08:47What?
08:48There was an explosion.
08:50Oh, you know about it.
08:52Well, there was an explosion in the river and it was raining fish.
08:59What type of fish?
09:00What?
09:01What type of fish?
09:03An...
09:06Mare.
09:08I didn't know we had a mare.
09:18Well, how was that?
09:20Oh, excuse me.
09:22That certainly gets a Tricky Mickey seal of approval.
09:24There's no doubt about it, Bridey, you know your way to a man's heart.
09:27There you are, Mickey.
09:30Get your Tricky round that.
09:33Where's mine?
09:34Angel Delight?
09:36No.
09:37It's trifle.
09:38I know.
09:39It's a delight made by an angel.
09:41Ha, ha, ha!
09:42Mother of God.
09:44Tell me, is there a Mrs Tricky?
09:49No.
09:50There was, but, well, she's gone upstairs now.
09:54Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
09:56How did she...
09:57Bored to death, probably.
09:59No, she didn't die.
10:01She ran away with a fella from upstairs.
10:03A lad from Roscommon.
10:04Drove a bread van called Tuberty.
10:05That's his name.
10:06I don't know what the bread van is called though.
10:08Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
10:11For God's sake, look at you.
10:13You're like a pair of teenagers canoeing in the ditch.
10:15Right, I'm out of here.
10:17Eh, are you going for a drink Dan?
10:20Maybe I am, or maybe I'm not.
10:22Oh no, it's just I told the lads I might meet them later.
10:25What lads?
10:26The lads, Timmy and Jimmy.
10:28Mother of God.
10:30Oh my God.
10:32Bridie, I was wondering, could I borrow a ten-year-old note for a couple of days?
10:38Certainly, Mickey.
10:42I've only twenty.
10:43Asher not to worry.
10:44Twenty will do fine.
10:54You see, I cannot vote for you, Larry, as I am running myself.
10:58What's that?
10:59The election. I am hoping to be elected.
11:02You see, I have my poster, so I cannot put up yours.
11:06Can't put up what?
11:08Up yours, Larry.
11:10Well, if that's how you feel, up yours too, Dieter.
11:23Larry, be careful, Larry. I took... Larry.
11:26No!
11:27No!
11:28No, you shouldn't say.
11:29Larry!
11:30My God, no!
11:31This is bad!
11:33No!
11:35No, we're going to rot.
11:36No, not again!
11:37Not again!
11:43No, I'm not running.
11:45So where would I get the time to go trips around the village looking for votes?
11:48Dieter's running.
11:49And Larry Cummins.
11:50Well, best of luck to them.
11:51And so is your friend from the Scouts, then.
11:54He's not my friend. I only met him this morning.
11:57Well, he's first popular.
11:59Yeah, so was Hitler for a while.
12:01Ah, how are the boys?
12:04Lads, I've got a good one for you.
12:06Two caterpillars are sitting on a leaf when a butterfly flutters past.
12:09One caterpillar turns and says to the other,
12:11You'll never catch me up on one of them yokes.
12:13Ba-dum-tsh!
12:19Jacksy, stick us on a pint there, and three pints for me good buddies here.
12:22It's my shout.
12:23Good man yourself.
12:25Thanks, mate.
12:26Ah, I'm just going to go and strain the old spuds, all right?
12:31Did you feckin' hear that? Did you hear that?
12:34Yeah, he's buying a round.
12:36He's going straining the feckin' spuds.
12:38Straining the spuds!
12:39So?
12:40You know, that's my line. I say that.
12:42Do you? When?
12:44About twenty times a day.
12:46Twenty times? You want to get that looked at?
12:48This has nothing got to do with my waterworks.
12:52That clown is dusting in my house, eating my dinner and stealing my feckin' clothes.
12:56You know what our friend's for?
12:58How many times have I to tell you? He's not my feckin'...
13:04That'll be twenty euro, Mickey.
13:05Fair play to you.
13:06Cheers.
13:07Erm...
13:08Actually, Jacksy, I'm a little bit short at the moment.
13:11Hmm?
13:12Yeah, well, when I was getting on the train yesterday, I got jumped by three fellas.
13:17Three fellas?
13:18Jumped me from behind.
13:19Actually, there could have been four of them.
13:21They jumped me from behind, the sides and the front.
13:24Mother of God!
13:25No way!
13:26The thing is, they, er, well, they got the wallet and got the cash, the cards, the lot.
13:31That's dreadful.
13:34Mind you, I got one fella, a big fella, a good thong up the arse before he legged it.
13:38Good man, Tricky.
13:39No better man.
13:40Fear not, cause what's Mickey's motto?
13:43Be prepared.
13:45Exactly.
13:47So, er, the mother's coming down with a cheque.
13:50Oh, that'll be nice.
13:51We'd love to meet your mammy.
13:53Now, mind you, it's a substantial cheque, but, er, well, until it lands, I'm, er, financially embarrassed.
14:00No worries, Mickey.
14:03I don't normally open a tab for anyone, but seeing that you're Dan's friend, I can't see why not.
14:11God bless you, Jacksy.
14:13How many times have I to tell you he's not my fecking friend?
14:15Here.
14:19What's this?
14:20There's just no tenner to tide you over.
14:22Ah, there's no need, Jimmy.
14:24I insist.
14:28God bless you.
14:30I only have a fiver left.
14:33Ah, lads.
14:37It's great to know what you've got.
14:39You've got your friends around you when the chips are down.
14:42Dan.
14:43Watch.
14:44Do you have something to give to Mickey?
14:45Oh, I do, all right.
14:46I give my right.
14:47Eh, lads, lads, listen to this.
14:48Right.
14:49Did you hear the one about the Viagra you can put in your tea?
14:51It does nothing for your you know what.
14:52But it keeps your biscuits hard.
14:53Ah!
14:54Ah!
14:56Comedy gold, huh?
14:57Ah!
15:00Comedy gold.
15:12Excuse me.
15:14How are you, ma'am?
15:16Could you tell me where Jaxie's bar is?
15:18Do you know the shade that had the roof gone off in the big wind?
15:20Look, I'm not from around here.
15:22Oh, baby, you're better off. I swear on me nana's grave,
15:25myself and herself and the children's hobby wouldn't get through the night.
15:27The mob I was rocking so much.
15:29Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that, but Jaxie's bar...
15:33If you go down the road there to the shed that had the roof blown off in the big wind,
15:36run around, come back up about 500 yards, you'll find it there on your right.
15:41That's your left hand.
15:43Yeah, but at that stage you'll be coming back.
15:45Good luck.
15:46Good luck, ma'am.
15:48Well, how did you know, Holmes, that the old lady was not Moriarty's mother,
15:58was in fact Moriarty's accomplice?
16:01Elementary, my dear Watson.
16:03I observed from her habits that she was not all that she seemed.
16:07That and the unnaturalness of her bosoms led me to unmask her as the criminal mastermind he truly was.
16:15Criminal mastermind that he was.
16:19Now that is good.
16:31What in the name of God are you doing?
16:34Hey, what are you doing?
16:37Did you say something?
16:38What are you doing?
16:40I'm hoovering.
16:41What's it we used to say in the scouts?
16:43Cleanliness is next to godliness.
16:45We don't have a hoover.
16:47What do you do now?
16:48I got it off Sergeant Dick O'Toole.
16:50I told him you'd fix up.
16:51How much did that cost?
16:52200 euro.
16:54It would cost you twice that in the shops.
16:56Dick, where'd you come out of?
16:58You missed a bit there.
17:02Mother God!
17:03Do you notice anything, Dan?
17:04Yeah, there's no thickin' breakfast.
17:05Ah, Dan!
17:06You'll have to get it yourself this morning.
17:07Mickey has taken me for a drive.
17:08I'm sure he doesn't have a care.
17:09I'm lending him the squad care.
17:10You'd want to mind him.
17:11He has your room spotless.
17:12Well, no one thickin' asked him.
17:13I'll be in a care when you're ready.
17:14Right, Dick.
17:15I'll be in a care when you're ready.
17:16Right, Dick.
17:17And I'll be in a care when you're ready.
17:19What are you doing?
17:20Do you notice anything, Dan?
17:21Yeah, there's no thickin' breakfast.
17:22And Dan, you'll have to get it yourself this morning.
17:26Mickey has taken me for a drive.
17:28I'm sure he doesn't have a care.
17:30I'm lending him the squad care.
17:32You'll want to mind him.
17:33He has your room spotless.
17:34Well, no one thickin' asked him.
17:38I'll be in a care when you're ready.
17:41Right, Dick.
17:44Hey, I had 200 euro in here.
17:47Yeah, I lent it to Mickey, along with 300 of my own.
17:52Well, he is good.
17:53Sure isn't his mother on the way down with the cheque.
17:56Mother me ass!
17:57Well, you hear?
17:59It seems Mickey had this business partner
18:02who cheated him out of every penny.
18:05Isn't that shocking?
18:06Shocking?
18:07I'll give him frickin' shocking!
18:13My lady, your chariot awaits.
18:17Oh, Mickey!
18:19So hop on board the magical, tricky Mickey tour.
18:25Where is he?
18:26Where is he, the lying bastard?
18:29Come on, Mickey, in you go!
18:31Get in, you divvillette!
18:33Come on, Bridie, and don't forget,
18:34the louder you scream, the faster we go!
18:37Yee-hoo!
18:39Where is he? Let me have him!
18:40Hi!
18:43Fick!
18:52Board!
19:00So the English fella says,
19:02this is my son George,
19:03he was born on St. George's Day.
19:05Then the Scottish fella says,
19:06this is my son Andrew,
19:07he was born on St. Andrew's Day.
19:09With that, the Irish fella turns to his son and says,
19:11for fact's sake, pancake,
19:13say nothing now!
19:16Good luck, Mickey,
19:19and may the best man be winning.
19:21Well, fair play to you, Dieter.
19:22Oh, come here, have you met the mammy?
19:24The mammy?
19:24Yeah, she's over here.
19:27This is my mother,
19:28Minnie Moody.
19:29Ah, pleased to meet you.
19:30How are you?
19:31Oh, I'm fine now.
19:33I did have a slight headache earlier,
19:35but it is gone now.
19:37Come here.
19:38The jacks.
19:39The toilet.
19:40Where is it?
19:41Oh, the toilet,
19:42or this way?
19:43But I notice the ladies are out of order.
19:46Ah, I've used the boys' room.
19:48A woman my age has seen it all before.
19:51Ha!
19:52Ha!
19:52Ha!
19:52Ha!
19:52Ha!
19:53Ha!
19:54Okay.
19:55She's gas, isn't she?
19:56Gas?
20:01Well, did you meet her?
20:02Meet who?
20:03Mickey's man.
20:04No.
20:06Did she bring the checkbook?
20:08No.
20:09Ha!
20:09I didn't think so.
20:11Jackson, throw us on a pint there, will you?
20:12I'm going out to strain the spoons.
20:17Right, er, ladies and gentlemen,
20:20first of all...
20:20I wouldn't go in there if I was you.
20:29Led me to unmask her
20:31as the criminal mastermind he truly was.
20:34I knew it.
20:36Now, the good news is that, er,
20:38thanks to our little election,
20:39the Send a Granny to Lourdes Fund
20:42is better off by over 200 euro.
20:45I have it.
20:48Have what?
20:49It's elementary.
20:50He's the greatest conman known,
20:51and she's his sidekick.
20:53They like Bonnie and Chives, the two of them.
20:54Shh.
20:55And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.
20:58The results of the mayoral election.
21:02In third place.
21:04With one vote,
21:06Larry Collins.
21:08What's that, father?
21:10You got one, Larry.
21:11Oh, I won!
21:15I won!
21:17Oh, I would like to thank everybody who voted for me.
21:22Larry.
21:22This is the most important day of my life.
21:26You got one vote, Larry.
21:31One?
21:32Yeah, one.
21:34Well, thank you all very much.
21:38And thank you, Larry.
21:41In second place,
21:43with 35 votes,
21:45Dieter Langer!
21:48Hi, Dieter.
21:48Good man.
21:51But,
21:52with a massive
21:53171 votes,
21:57the first mayor
21:58of Killin' a Scully
21:59will be
22:01Mickey Mooner!
22:02Goodbye, Mickey!
22:04Yes!
22:05Well done, Mickey.
22:08Thanks very much, father.
22:12Ah,
22:12I'd like to thank you all very much.
22:16Although I'm
22:17pretty much just a blow in here,
22:18I'm, uh,
22:19I'm honoured
22:20to be voted mayor of
22:21Killin' a Scully!
22:25I'd like to thank all my supporters.
22:28And, of course,
22:29the mammy.
22:31Mrs. Minnie Mooney.
22:33Without who?
22:34Well,
22:34I would.
22:35Just one minute.
22:36I've been putting up
22:38with this looter
22:38for the last few days,
22:39taking over half the village
22:40like some old fancy Dan,
22:43without even once
22:43putting his hand
22:44in his pocket.
22:46Not even that,
22:47but tapping people
22:47left, right and centre
22:49all based on some old
22:50fictitious check
22:51that never even materialised.
22:52But,
22:53but that's the thing.
22:55Mammy has the
22:56check.
22:56Ha!
22:57The mammy!
22:58That brings me
22:59to the mammy.
23:01Like Tricky Mickey,
23:02the mammy has a secret
23:03or two hidden
23:04under her petticoat.
23:05What are you saying, Dan?
23:07It's elementary, Farrah.
23:09The mammy here
23:10is the conman's
23:12male accomplice.
23:14I observe by her habits
23:15that she's not all
23:16what she seems.
23:17That and the unnaturalness
23:18of her bosoms
23:19has forced me
23:20to unmask her
23:21as the criminal
23:23mastermind
23:24that he is.
23:25Look, Farrah,
23:26it's a wig!
23:27Dan!
23:28It's stuck!
23:29Dan!
23:30Look at them boobies, Farrah!
23:31They're only making up you ones!
23:33Dan!
23:34Dan!
23:34Dan!
23:35Dan!
23:38Mammy!
23:39Oh, mammy,
23:40I'll get you outside.
23:44Now look what you've done.
23:46Mammy
23:46has a heart condition.
23:48Oh, my God.
23:50Oh, my God.
23:51You're lucky
24:04she didn't press charges.
24:05Pressing charges?
24:07She ran the one
24:07with the eye
24:07as big as a Schlitter
24:08and they did exactly
24:09what I said,
24:10fecked off
24:10without paying anyone.
24:11Because you tried
24:11to pull the hair off her.
24:13Well, I thought
24:13she was a he.
24:14You certainly
24:15made a right boob
24:16there, Dan.
24:17Or was it
24:18the left one?
24:25Thirteen hundred?
24:28Fourteen hundred?
24:32Mickey Mooney.
24:34St. Governor O'Toole's
24:35Boy Scout Troop
24:35Wicklow Jamboree,
24:361957.
24:38Now, don't tell me
24:38you can't remember that.
24:39You wouldn't have
24:40by Scouts, Matt.
24:41No!
25:08You wouldn't have
25:09been here, Dan.
25:10You wouldn't have
25:10been here, Dan.
25:11You wouldn't have
25:11been here, Dan.
25:12You wouldn't have
25:13been here.
25:14Don't tell me
25:15you didn't.