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00:00I'll see you next time
00:30I'll have to get myself a proper horse's collar or a proper horse now don't start
00:55that again we are not getting a horse it's not practical no I suppose this is you're quite
01:02right you're quite right I've tried repairing it but I'm inclined to think this particular model
01:06has had it I've been inclined to think that the past two weeks do you think the British
01:11Transport Museum would like it do you see what I see good Lord it's Jerry mowing his own lawn
01:25that's the world gone mad
01:34that's the stuff Jerry come on Jerry you can do it
01:45go away no we're standing in our own garden we can stand in our own garden if we want to
01:52don't talk Jerry hello you're supposed to mow round those
02:07we're going right say ah
02:28did you see Jeanette Macdonald and Nelson Eddy and Rosemary no I don't remember silent films
02:42you can't have a silent musical can you oh no so they had one I think one what a log burning stove
02:54makes you think doesn't it of what
02:59nothing I'll just pop upstairs and get your restraint harness
03:07hello Margot Barbara I'm sorry I have a crisis I wondered if Tom could help
03:16for you Margot anything please don't be silly Tom this is serious
03:20my vacuum cleaner won't stop whistling
03:23as I see any particular tune
03:28it's probably the motor the bags for is it picking up at all no nothing the bags full
03:37well I'll take off the cowling and have a look at it I'll just get my screwdriver
03:40there you are Margot you see the bag was full
03:50yes that was the trouble the bags full and whistling was the signal
03:56oh yes I remember now there was something in the brochure about whistling
03:59have you never changed the bag before certainly not
04:03Mrs Pearson is my cleaner and that is her province except when she decides to let me
04:08down by going away on holiday
04:10ah hence Jerry mowing his own lawn Mr Pearson the gardener must have gone on
04:15holiday with his wife
04:16yes for a month if you please
04:18a month
04:19yes
04:19how appalling
04:21servants going on holiday leaving the gentry to fend for themselves is disgusting
04:25well I wouldn't mind if the Pearsons had arranged their own
04:29replacements but no it was simply isn't it wonderful Mrs Ledbetter the chance of a
04:33lifetime to see our grandchildren in Canada and off they went
04:36well couldn't you go to an agency and get some temporary help in this day and age
04:40you can't get them they've all been listening to that Clive Jenkins person
04:45people seem to think that cleaning a house or tending a garden is beneath their
04:49dignity like you and Jerry no not like me and Jerry we are employers we equate
04:55with the CBI in this situation I mean you'll think some little couple would welcome 20 pounds
05:01a week for light part-time work people are too well off that's the trouble yes they are
05:06they know where the next penny is coming from yes they do bit of insecurity that's what they need I
05:10couldn't agree I have just realized that once again I am the butt of your childish humor so you deserve to be what's so tragic about doing your own housework for a month these they're beginning to look like yours
05:25poke you in the eye no I'm sorry Barbara but you know what I mean I am not one of
05:31nature's little housewives and for that matter Jerry is not one of nature's
05:36little gardeners well there's a simple solution you know what well Jerry does
05:40the housework and you do the garden I really must get you a cap and bells Tom
05:45what a lot of fuss about nothing she should try having to cope with our transport problem no our trolley you
05:54mean hmm well I suppose we'd better make a new one better roll up our trousers and get up the pond
06:00what start dredging for some old pram wheels that's where I found the last lot no no no no I've been thinking
06:07actually see whatever sort of trolley we made we still have to push it wouldn't we even with your massive
06:11biceps is a limit to how much we can haul I mean we must make 10 trips a week just to feed that thing
06:16yes that's not counting carting stuff back and forth from the allotments hmm I did have thoughts of
06:21building a land yacht once but tacking in and out of that traffic is not really on is it because if
06:26you had half a brain you'd invent an engine that runs on water yeah I'm just thick I suppose
06:31engine why didn't I think of it before we've already got an engine the rotary cultivator
06:37well we're gonna use it for a few weeks in the air just sits there the rest of the time the rotary
06:41cultivator's no good is it I mean we can't belt along plowing up the pavement no no no when when
06:47where where where where up now let's let's see now look look look look no now bad drawing of rotary
06:53cultivator right all right right now I take the working head off right I add a sort of cart on the
07:01back I put a seat on it couple it up it will work I'm sure it will work
07:06you couldn't knock up a press while you're at it could you what for to print the money we'd need
07:12for the extra petrol wait a minute though look it wouldn't be that expensive now look listen now
07:25what would you get out of a rotary cultivator 100 miles to the gallon well perhaps less with a load
07:29right now all right now two star petrol at what about 77 pence a gallon right 52 weeks in the year
07:36plus oil right now two five six six five carry one so one down and there now now if we don't do more
07:45than 50 miles a week we could run this thing for 20 or 30 quid a year now that's not a lot of money
07:50is it no that's not right now how much actual cash have we got at the moment one pound 28
07:58quite warm out isn't it yes very pleasant pleasant than yesterday
08:11swapsies we could swap something for petrol no no all our swapsies they're all earmarked
08:19including the piglets well I suppose there's always no no no no no no no I'm saving your body for a
08:28rainy day so annoying though isn't it 30 measly quid standing between us and some efficient transport
08:36Tom yeah have you ever thought of going into service
09:06why don't you just throw a bucket of mud on the floor
09:11look I have just cut my finger clipping your blasted hedge don't swear Jerry
09:17and don't bleed in the sink I just can't
09:20I'm sorry and don't throw rubbish in the rubbish bin
09:25well earth not I've just emptied it
09:29well it's got to fill up again sooner or later
09:32well do that without your help thank you very much
09:34all right if I sit down in my own chair in my own house
09:37no it is not
09:38you are coming to the bedroom with me
09:41oh
09:42and you can forget that sort of thing for the next month Jerry
09:46I shall be far too exhausted with all this housework
09:49now
09:50you tuck sides and I tuck corners
09:53what are you talking about woman
09:56beds do not make themselves Jerry
09:58and don't woman me
09:59I'm beginning to wish I'd gone on holiday with a person
10:01yes of course you do and leave me with the gardening to do as well
10:04for heaven's sake the gut
10:05ah
10:05ah
10:06the voice is raised
10:08bad time
10:08no no come in come in
10:10yes come in
10:10why don't you bring all your pigs with you
10:12let's have filthy footprints all over the place
10:15let's make the place really filthy
10:17yes let's
10:18housework getting you down Margot
10:22yes it is
10:24I've just been on my hands and knees cleaning that floor
10:26now look calm down Margot
10:28we've found you a couple to stand in for the Pearsons
10:31you have
10:32you have who
10:32us
10:33you
10:35yes
10:37why
10:38well we need some money and you've got it
10:40you're on
10:40another month of this and she'll drive me mad
10:42she
10:43first it's woman
10:45now it's she
10:45will you kindly use my name Jerry
10:48and kindly consult me before making arbitrary decisions about our domestic arrangements
10:52what's to decide
10:53right
10:54we're a couple of little godsends Margot
10:55we're hard working
10:56we're clean
10:57we're English
10:57and we won't pinch the silver not the good stuff anyway
11:00you see that's exactly what I mean
11:02flippancy from friends is just bearable
11:04from domestics it's quite intolerable
11:07okay okay flippancy is out
11:10we won't speak until we're spoken to and we'll tug our forelocks left right and centre
11:13how's that
11:14I don't know
11:15it could be such an ambiguous relationship
11:17well try it
11:19I mean after all you don't want to end up with hands like mine do you
11:22true
11:23the very idea of giving one's friends orders is terribly embarrassing
11:28I don't think I could do it
11:29a month can seem an awfully long time
11:31yes
11:32very well
11:35clean that mess up will you and polish the floor
11:39you might as well do the windows whilst you're at it
11:41the oven of course
11:43the beds to be made
11:44oh and don't forget the littlest room in the house
11:46I'm going to lie down
11:47come on Queenie we're on
11:54right
11:54well see you later
11:57saucy little minx
12:01hello love
12:08margot
12:33if she tells me once more that I don't hoover into the corner
12:38is like mrs. Pearson
12:39I will kill her
12:41well you know margot
12:45not this margot I don't it's like being under surveillance by the CIA
12:48everywhere I go there are eyes peering at me
12:51over the furniture and round the doors and through the keyholes
12:53oh she probably took that crack of up pinching the silver seriously
12:56rubbish she's such a pathological supervisor
12:59well she doesn't bother me in the garden much
13:01just comes out when I turn up
13:03does a bit of
13:03and then goes back in the house again
13:05could have something to do with my dangerous animal presence I suppose
13:09don't you believe it she just wants to follow me about the house
13:12she's afraid that if she leaves me alone for 10 seconds
13:14I just might put an ornament back an inch off centre
13:16never mind it's only for a month
13:18we've done a week already and it's worth it isn't it
13:20this could be the hit of this year's motor show
13:22if the British Rail don't come and take their trolley back
13:25well they didn't want it when he was rusting away on that embankment
13:27I reckon Will Hay was the last person to use this
13:29who's Will Hay
13:31child
13:33Tom
13:35yep
13:37when it's finished
13:40can we run Margot over in it
13:43you've really got your knife into your employer
13:46well she's impossible
13:47I don't think Mrs Pearson went away on holiday at all
13:50I think she was taken away to a clinic to get over a nervous breakdown
13:52well can't you just laugh the whole thing off
13:55only hysterically
13:56now come on love don't lose your sense of humor
13:58oh you are impossible
13:59it's a waste of time talking to you
14:00you're in one of your unbearable life is a cabaret moods
14:03well it is isn't it
14:04us working for Margot is funny isn't it
14:06I mean we know she's bossy
14:07we know she's pernickety
14:08it's because we know that it's funny
14:09just funny
14:10for your information Tom
14:16it is 2.37
14:17Mr Pearson always started work at 2.15 on Fridays
14:20and I expect you to do the same
14:21now come along
14:22who the hell does she think she is
14:30I'll smash her face
14:51hi darling
14:59I think that Friday night traffic on London Bridge is the worst of all
15:03best part of an hour tonight
15:04to crown it all some pimply police cadet was trying to direct the traffic
15:08if a pimply police cadet were the sum total of my troubles
15:11I should be a very happy woman
15:12good evening Jerry
15:13oh what's the matter
15:14Tom and Barbara
15:15what have they been up to now
15:17nothing much
15:18they just humiliated me in front of the Surbiton Ladies Conservative Association
15:23all of them?
15:25yes
15:25they turned Mrs Hornsby's lecture on the curse of socialism on the Algarve into a total farce
15:31couldn't have been difficult
15:32it was most interesting Jerry
15:34Mrs Hornsby had us in the palm of her hand
15:37until Barbara came in with a canapes
15:39what did you do throw them at somebody?
15:40no
15:41under the guise of passing plates
15:43she made silly silhouettes on the projector screen
15:46good old Barbara
15:49it is not good old Barbara
15:50it is silly silly Barbara
15:51and as for Tom
15:53silly?
15:54obscene
15:54I had to draw the curtains
15:57what was he doing?
15:59leering at Mrs Hornsby from the garden
16:01and making gestures towards the shrubbery with his head
16:05trust you to laugh
16:08you know those two
16:10you know what they like
16:11yes but I do not expect them to be like you
16:13when they are in my employ
16:14they're going to have to change their tunes
16:16well here they are
16:17you better tell them
16:18you tell them
16:19you're the master of the house
16:20am I?
16:21oh
16:22now see here you snivelling menials
16:26you better back your ideas up
16:27I'll take a crop to the pair of you
16:28oh sorry sir
16:30beg pardon sir
16:31oh yes sir
16:31forgive us sir
16:32for coming up to the big house
16:33without going through the sheep dip fur sir
16:35stand in the corner
16:37don't speak or anything
16:38I'll set the dogs on you
16:39what do you want?
16:40well sir
16:40we're wondering sir
16:41if you could see you wait here sir
16:43to giving us a bit of wages
16:44you see sir
16:45because we haven't had any wages
16:46for ages
16:47oh he wouldn't ask sir
16:51and he would better sell
16:52eight of the children already
16:53oh the vet
16:55oh I beg pardon marm
16:56I didn't see you there
16:57curtsy girl curtsy
16:58oh my baby
17:03so sorry ma'am
17:03for standing on the carpet
17:04don't you think
17:07it's wearing rather thin
17:08no it's a lovely bit of carpet
17:10that
17:10shut up do
17:13you're like a pack of hyenas
17:14that looks nice
17:41does it
17:42now look margot
17:46I mean
17:46we were only playing about
17:49don't touch me
17:50margot we are sorry really
17:54but
17:54I mean after all
17:55you've got to keep things in proportion
17:57haven't you
17:57don't lecture me on keeping things in proportion
17:59Barbara Good
18:00my life was in perfect proportion
18:02until you replaced the Pearsons
18:03they knew their station
18:05and I knew mine
18:06and if you say Charing Cross Tom
18:07I shall throw the salad
18:08I wasn't going to say Charing Cross
18:16I was going to say St Pancras
18:18there you are you see
18:19you take nothing seriously
18:22you two are a microcosm
18:23of what is wrong with modern society
18:24nobody takes anything seriously
18:26and no one wonder why this country
18:27can't produce a decent motor car
18:28I'd go easy without Tabasco
18:29I should be what I like
18:30with my Tabasco
18:31now
18:33look margot
18:35I mean
18:35I know we made a
18:36we made a joke of the whole situation
18:38but well
18:38it's just our way
18:39isn't it
18:40well it isn't mine
18:41alright then
18:42well
18:42let's look for a compromise
18:43there's no need
18:44I have the solution
18:46oh good
18:47what is it
18:47you're both sacked
18:49oh Barbara
19:06don't cry love
19:07I'm laughing
19:11why
19:14margot
19:16giving us the sack
19:17yeah
19:18it's a bit bizarre
19:19isn't it
19:20not too many people
19:21can say they've been sacked
19:21by the next door neighbours
19:22I think she's wonderful
19:24she really is
19:25I'd never have the nerve
19:26oh quite
19:26oh quite
19:27I mean none of you
19:27let's get both sides
19:28around the same table
19:29none of you
19:30independent tribunals
19:31just get out
19:31you're fired
19:32I wonder how she'd get on
19:35with Hugh Scanlon
19:35yeah well
19:36it could be the fight
19:37of the century
19:37look here
19:38I'll tell you what
19:38look
19:38let's cover up the Mark 1
19:40don't want those
19:41spies from Ferrari
19:42pinching our design
19:43no right
19:44mind you
19:46it's not really
19:47a laughing matter
19:48is it
19:48I mean after all
19:50the whole point was
19:50to get this on the road
19:51don't worry
19:52look we're owed
19:52£22.50 for the week's work
19:54that's enough to run this
19:55for ten months
19:55that's true
19:57are you tired
19:59no
20:01good
20:02let's go to bed then
20:03right
20:04hello gooseberry
20:09what
20:10never mind
20:11what do you want
20:11well
20:12well I suppose
20:13I'm a slave
20:13to my own good manners
20:14I've come to apologise
20:15oh Jerry
20:17that's all right
20:17we asked for it really
20:18and we got it
20:19we didn't expect it
20:20but we got it
20:20well that's very noble of you
20:21oh even peasants
20:22can be noble you know
20:23and apart from burning
20:24the odd haystack
20:25on your estate
20:25there will be no reprisal
20:26that's good
20:27good night then
20:27oi
20:27we're not that noble
20:28what about our wages
20:29oh yeah
20:30of course
20:30check all right
20:31soon have cash
20:32oh very well
20:33how much was it
20:3530 40
20:36it's like monopoly money
20:38to you isn't it
20:3922 50
20:40hmm
20:41you come cheap
20:42don't you
20:42I'm the 22
20:44he's the 50
20:45well I suppose
20:46that's about right
20:47well I should be very
20:48sorry to see you go
20:49I believe that's what
20:51one generally says
20:52to departing domestics
20:53what puzzles me
20:54is though
20:54why you took the job
20:55in the first place
20:56why
20:57well you know
20:58working for somebody
20:59else for money
21:00does rather smack
21:01of that crass
21:01commercialism
21:02you purport to despise
21:03only when it's
21:04a permanent state
21:05like yours
21:06thank you
21:07now look
21:07the thing is this
21:08when we need something
21:09we can't buy
21:09so we swap for it
21:10what we swap this time
21:12was our time
21:12and manpower
21:13and womanpower
21:13by the way
21:15you never did tell me
21:16why you wanted that
21:16money so badly
21:17oh yeah
21:18um
21:18shall we show
21:19he's got an honest
21:21face
21:21I suppose so
21:22ta-da
21:28good god
21:30and the 22 50
21:31will run it
21:32I didn't realize
21:33elastic bands
21:34came that expensive
21:34I might tell you
21:38that NASA
21:38are very interested
21:40in this
21:40it could double
21:41as a moon buggy
21:42the moon's the best
21:42place for it
21:43if you ask me
21:43you're just jealous
21:45because you haven't
21:46got one
21:46we're going to be
21:47the envy of
21:47serviton in this
21:48back and forth
21:49to our allotments
21:50how much they
21:50rush you for the
21:51insurance
21:51and the road tax
21:55what
21:57you haven't got
21:58any have you
21:58I have
21:59no you haven't
22:00I have
22:01has he
22:02Jerry you don't
22:04think Tom would
22:04have blunted into
22:05a thing like this
22:05without considering
22:06things like road
22:07tax and insurance
22:08do you
22:08ask him
22:09did you
22:13haven't you
22:15got a home
22:16to go to
22:16lead better
22:17are you talking
22:41to us today
22:41Margot
22:41Barbara
22:42Tom
22:43how nice to see you
22:44do come in
22:45I thought you
22:46might still be
22:47angry with us
22:48I was only angry
22:48with you yesterday
22:49as servants
22:50today you're simply
22:51friends and I'm
22:52glad to see you
22:52you still don't
22:54understand do you
22:55Tom
22:55you see life
22:57for me is a
22:58series of pigeon
22:59holes
22:59ah ah
23:01and today we are
23:02the right pigeons
23:02in the right pigeon
23:03hole
23:03exactly
23:04yes well now
23:05that's a shame
23:06because we want
23:06to change holes
23:07we want to become
23:08domestics again
23:09not in my house
23:10well we can't in our
23:11house because we live
23:12there
23:12no I'm sorry
23:15if it's a question
23:16of references
23:16oh Margot
23:17we're not thinking
23:18of going into service
23:19as a career
23:19it's just a short term
23:21arrangement for our
23:22mutual benefit
23:23mutual Barbara
23:24I think not
23:25oh come on
23:26we did the jobs
23:27properly
23:27I grant you that
23:28but you also
23:29behaved like the
23:30Marx Brothers
23:31we didn't
23:33we didn't
23:33you did
23:34we didn't
23:34Tom
23:36Margot
23:38we are reformed
23:39characters
23:39truly we are
23:40I don't believe it
23:41for a moment
23:41all right very well
23:42then we will be
23:43I mean I admit
23:44that we did muck
23:44about a bit
23:45but honestly
23:45take us back
23:46and we will do
23:47our duties
23:47as po-faced
23:48as you like
23:49po you see
23:50you couldn't use
23:51a sensible word
23:52like sensibly
23:53could you
23:53it had to be
23:54po
23:55well all right
23:55very well
23:56as sensibly faced
23:56as you like
23:57there you go again
23:58you're hopeless
24:00it just wouldn't work
24:01look look Margot
24:02I'd be out in the
24:03garden most of the
24:03time and if any
24:04of your ladies
24:04turn up I'll lock
24:05myself in the shed
24:06how's that
24:06no no no
24:07I'd sooner do the
24:08housework myself
24:09than go through
24:09last week again
24:10you wouldn't
24:12I would
24:13but it's such a
24:14big house Margot
24:15it wouldn't leave you
24:16any time at all
24:17for social functions
24:18and I mean
24:19it would only be
24:20for three weeks
24:21till the Pearsons
24:21got back
24:22I mean this is
24:24the trouble with
24:25housework you see
24:26when you hate it
24:26so it just never
24:27seems to end
24:28I mean there's
24:28the floors to
24:29clean and the
24:30windows to polish
24:31and the beds to
24:32make
24:33well I mean it
24:33just goes on
24:34and on
24:35and on
24:35oh all right
24:36thanks Margot
24:37can we have
24:37free this money
24:38in advance
24:38well for sure
24:39nerve Tom
24:40you take the prize
24:41in cash
24:42first prize
24:43now listen to me
24:51Tom
24:52yes Margot
24:53I have Mrs. Dooms
24:54Patterson coming
24:55to tea on Tuesday
24:56if you do to her
24:58what you did to
24:58Mrs. Hornsby
24:59through my French
25:00window
25:00I shall feel
25:01perfectly justified
25:02in asking for
25:03this money back
25:04yes Margot
25:05and that goes
25:05for you too
25:06Barbara
25:06when you're
25:07handing round
25:07my gingerbread men
25:08yes Margot
25:09very well
25:10sherry I think
25:12I suppose
25:16there's no hope
25:17of this money
25:18going towards
25:18buying you
25:19some new clothes
25:20Barbara
25:20no chance
25:21I thought not
25:22it's going towards
25:22our vehicle
25:23didn't Jerry
25:23tell you about it
25:24no
25:24no a car
25:26well kind of
25:27well
25:28at least that's a step
25:29in the right direction
25:30and you take precious few
25:31of those these days
25:32now
25:34a toast I think
25:35here's to relationships
25:37being kept in their
25:38proper pigeon holes
25:39for the next three weeks
25:40and no droppings
25:41of any ornaments
25:42when you're doing the house
25:43for a party
25:43hmm
25:45well half past two
25:46I'm off in the garden
25:47I'll bow the lawn
25:48I'd sooner you prune
25:49my inner harkness
25:49I'll prune your inner harkness
25:51thank you Tom
25:52not at all Margot
25:54now Margot
25:58where would you like me to start
25:59I can't tell you
26:00what music that is
26:01to my ears Barbara
26:02polishing I think
26:04right
26:04polishing
26:05it is
26:06it is
26:12shh
26:12shh
26:13shh
26:13shh
26:15shh
26:19shh
26:21shh
26:25shall we ask Dr. Barbara?
26:46good idea. careful lunchtime drink you two.
26:48it's got a super little power.
26:50right! lovely!
26:52smashy!
26:53good. come on. all right we'll come in our own car.
26:57look you down the other way.
26:59okay we'll follow you.
27:00I still haven't seen this new car of theirs Jerry.
27:03haven't you darling?
27:06oh my god. drive on.
27:20oh my god. drive on.
27:24but they don't know the way to the pub.
27:26I know. drive on.
27:34hey wait for us.
27:36how did you do seven and a half miles an hour?
27:40how did you do sevenоп maroon?
27:44trying to escape.
27:46hey wait for me.
27:50hey stay there.
27:53stay there.
27:54hey a minute.