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00:00I'll see you next time.
00:30That's interesting.
00:39What is?
00:40All the curls on the nape of your neck grow clockwise except for one.
00:44Oh, yeah? Which one?
00:46That one.
00:49That's what you get for trying to be different. Goodbye, Curly.
00:53Do you know, you've got a very erotic neck.
00:56Well, of course I do. Not so much of the lust, please.
00:58I never had all this trouble when I went to the barber's.
01:00Sorry, sir. Sorry.
01:03Who do you fancy for the cup then this year, sir?
01:05Ah, that's better. Dunno.
01:07Oh.
01:08Er, are your holidays this year, sir?
01:11Nope.
01:12Oh.
01:14Wife keeping well?
01:15Yep.
01:16One-sided conversation, isn't it?
01:18No, it always was.
01:19The customer's due to listen to the barber because sooner or later the barber is going to get on his hobby horse.
01:23Oh, yes. What was old Mr Webster's hobby horse?
01:25Esperanto.
01:26Good gracious.
01:29Fancy old Mr Webster being able to speak, Esperanto.
01:32Oh, you couldn't speak it. Just had to talk about it.
01:34Oh, I see.
01:36Right, there you are.
01:40I, uh, uh...
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42Oh.
01:47Say, you're getting good at this.
01:49Thank you. Next, please.
01:50That's you.
01:51Oh, no, you don't.
01:52Oh, no, let me have a go.
01:53No, Tom, I'm letting you groan.
01:54Let me give you an Audrey Hepburn.
01:55I've all wanted to do one of those.
01:56No, don't you dare.
01:57Go on.
01:57I'll tell you a bit bowie.
01:58Get off!
01:58I'll be tired the first half of it.
01:59Oh, I've got it, yes.
02:01I'll tell you, Sir Valis.
02:02Yes.
02:03I see the asylum hasn't set the van yet.
02:05Hello, Margaret J.
02:07Come in.
02:07Hello.
02:08Oh, Tom.
02:10One does not wish to be a wet blanket,
02:11but playing with scissors, open scissors,
02:13can be terribly dangerous.
02:16You're very sensible, aren't you, Margaret?
02:18I try to be.
02:19Sit down there.
02:20Well, how was Amsterdam?
02:22Ah.
02:23Oh, very, um, what's the word?
02:26Very Dutch.
02:27Yes, I suppose.
02:27It wouldn't be, really.
02:28How did you con old Sir into a free binge up there, anyway?
02:31I happen to be a first-class salesman.
02:33And?
02:34And the last time I played Sir at golf,
02:35I missed two three-inch putts.
02:38Goody-two-shoes.
02:39I bought you this.
02:41Oh.
02:41Oh, Margot, how thoughtful.
02:44Of course, simply everyone brings something back
02:47in the shape of clogs when bringing a present from Holland.
02:50But I thought, Margot, no, you will not follow the herd.
02:54So I bought you a windmill.
02:57Oh.
02:59Oh, a paper.
03:01A paperweight.
03:01How Dutch?
03:03Look, look.
03:05Pfft.
03:08Pfft.
03:09The sales went round in the shop, Jerry.
03:11Well, don't blame me.
03:12I do blame you.
03:13I said when we were packing that this must go in the handbag
03:16and not be squashed, and what happens?
03:18You cram the bag to the brim full of duty-free booze
03:21and Tom and Barbara's little sales won't go round.
03:23Well, never mind.
03:25Splash out the booze and we'll never notice.
03:26Yeah, sorry.
03:27Pop round sometime.
03:28We'll kill off a bottle of Dutch gin.
03:29What a good idea.
03:31Tom, is that human hair?
03:34I'm afraid so.
03:37Well, anything happen while we were away?
03:40Oh, yes.
03:40Your allotment came through.
03:42Ah.
03:43An allotment of what?
03:44Earth.
03:45The sort of things you see from railway carriages.
03:47It's next to mine.
03:48Well, thank you very much, Jerry.
03:51I see the real reason for that second bottle of champagne at the Krasnopolsky now.
03:55Sweeten me up before you tell me you're going to be late for every single Sunday luncheon from now on.
03:59Where should I be?
04:00I am not a fool, Jerry.
04:01I know about allotments.
04:02They are places where men go to sit in silly little sheds so they don't have to talk to their wives.
04:08Brick by brick, she is building a madhouse.
04:11Look, if you don't want to talk to me, Jerry, at least have the courage to look me straight in the face and say, shut up, Margot.
04:17Shut up, Margot.
04:17Oh, Margot, it is nice to have you back.
04:22It's been so dull.
04:24Thank you, Barbara.
04:25Nevertheless, Jerry, I'm not happy to be...
04:27No, no, no, no, no, listen.
04:28Jerry's allotment isn't for Jerry, it's for me.
04:30The council will only let me have one.
04:31I need all the land I can get, so I'm having Jerry's as well.
04:33Two allotments?
04:35Oh, surely that bomb site you call your back garden is enough.
04:38I need the extra yardage for my specialty crops.
04:41I don't follow.
04:42Raspberries, strawberries and black currants, Margot.
04:44They're going to help us pay any big bills we get next year.
04:47We hope.
04:48What you might call convertible currency.
04:55Well, I'm sorry, I despise allotments.
04:57They're so brixton-y.
04:59And if you ever let anyone know that one of them is in Jerry's name, I shall never talk to you again.
05:03Scout's honour.
05:05Tom!
05:06Oh, sorry.
05:07Hello.
05:08Tom, got any oil?
05:09I want to clean the rotary cultivator.
05:10Oh, have a rest.
05:11It's six o'clock.
05:12No, bags of time, bags of time.
05:13In the shed?
05:14Shed, right.
05:14What on earth was that?
05:19That's Guy.
05:20He's a student.
05:21We've got two of them helping us out for a week on their holidays.
05:24Helping you out with what?
05:25Well, stones and bricks, mostly.
05:26You have a lot of work to do on that ground due to allotments.
05:28It's terrible.
05:29And Barbara says you can only do the front garden and the back garden.
05:31Oh, yes, I'm just bone-eyed, I suppose.
05:33Yes.
05:33But you don't have any money.
05:34What are you going to pay them with?
05:35Beads and blankets?
05:36Board and lodging.
05:37And a novel experience, I suppose.
05:40You mean you're keeping them in the house?
05:42Where do you expect us to put them in with the pigs?
05:45Best place for students, if you ask me.
05:47And they say the British belief in tolerance and fair play is dead.
05:49It lives, Gerry, in you.
05:50And the clue class, Clown.
05:52All right, call it a blind spot if you like.
05:54I just happen to think that students are lazy, grubby, irresponsible ingrates.
05:58And if they're helping you with the allotment,
06:00it's only in order to grow next year's crop of marijuana.
06:02And, might I add, they repay me for subsidising their grants
06:05by forming Maoist cells in every one of our major cities.
06:09Well, you've certainly opened my eyes.
06:11They've taken me right in.
06:12Getting up early, working like dogs, keeping their room clean is all a trick.
06:15You ain't. You'll see.
06:16Oh, don't be so stuffy.
06:19They're nice kids, both of them.
06:21Guy and Ruth.
06:22Ruth?
06:23That's a girl's name.
06:25So it is.
06:26One of them must be a girl, Tom.
06:28Oh.
06:28That must be the one with the bumps in the jersey.
06:33And you said their room?
06:37Yeah.
06:38I don't know how to phrase my next question, Tom.
06:41No, they're not married.
06:43Tom!
06:43Well, it has been known, Margot.
06:45People have cohabited before marriage.
06:50Yes, well, I can't sit gossiping here all day.
06:53I've got a thousand things to do.
06:54Get yourself a couple of students to help out.
06:57Gerry, home.
06:58Well, we'll leave you to your hairy paragons of virtue, then.
07:03I didn't say they were perfect.
07:05Ha!
07:06Just that, well, they're so serious, aren't they?
07:09So earnest.
07:11You know, Tom, I know they're only 20, but I think they're a bit old for us.
07:15Oh.
07:16I am replete of serpentine.
07:25Well, don't just sit there, woman.
07:27Go into the washing up.
07:27No, please, let us do it.
07:29No, let him do it.
07:31Ching-chang-choller.
07:32Oh, right.
07:33Right.
07:35Ching-chang-choller.
07:36Ching-chang-choller.
07:38Ching-chang-choller.
07:39You lose.
07:40I'm in the kitchen.
07:40Please let us do it.
07:41Certainly not.
07:43Go on, then.
07:44Don't.
07:44It's his turn, anyway.
07:46Oh, come on.
07:47Let's go and have a sit down first.
07:50Oh, thanks.
07:52Oh, I forgot my wine.
07:53I'll get it for you, Tom.
07:54Oh.
07:56Thanks.
07:56Reality, Ruth.
08:09I know what you mean.
08:14What?
08:17What do you mean?
08:18Do you know, before we came here, we'd never eaten food before.
08:25Really?
08:26That dinner was food.
08:29Yes, that's what we usually have for dinner.
08:32Yes, but I'm making the distinction, Barbara, between just eating and food.
08:39Oh, yes.
08:41I see.
08:45Well.
08:46Yes?
08:46What?
08:47What?
08:48Say something, Tom.
08:50Oh, yes.
08:51Well, I was just going to ask you how you're getting on in university.
08:55University?
08:55That's just a place where a lot of students go to acquire knowledge.
08:59True.
09:00True.
09:00But are you, er, getting a tick for your sums?
09:03That's what I mean.
09:05That is the most incisive single-line castigation of the entire system that I have ever heard.
09:11Is it?
09:11What I mean, Tom, is that here is a true university.
09:16This is a university of life.
09:18Oh, if you're going to talk about life, I'm going to do the washing up.
09:21No.
09:21What?
09:22No, this is a really important question, Barbara.
09:24Oh, is it?
09:25Go on, then.
09:26You see, there you are, and you've decided, and you're doing it.
09:31Exactly.
09:32Yes, yes.
09:33Whereas Ruth and me, we're here too, who have come into it, and to us, it's a sociological
09:40revelation, you see.
09:41You mean you like the way we've decided to live?
09:47Oh, why don't I shut my mouth?
09:49Why don't I just shut my big fat mouth?
09:51I know what Guy means.
09:53Do you?
09:55Tell us.
09:55Please tell us.
09:57He means that you're so succinct, Tom.
10:00You should talk, and we should just listen.
10:02Listen.
10:02Yes, we should listen.
10:08Perhaps it's...
10:09Sorry.
10:10Go on, Tom.
10:18Don't just sit there, Maharishi.
10:19Tell them.
10:20Oh, no, all right.
10:21I don't know what they want to know.
10:23We want you to expound your philosophy, Tom.
10:26We want to know how it came to you, how you made it happen, and how you relate it to the
10:31rest of society.
10:33Look, Barbara's right.
10:34I'm not a guru.
10:35You're underselling yourself, Tom.
10:37I think you've got a message for the world.
10:39Well, I mean, the only message I've got for the world is, leave me alone.
10:44Barbara.
10:44Hmm?
10:45Why is he so modest?
10:47Modest?
10:47He's the biggest head in Serbiton.
10:48Sorry, sorry.
10:49Why do I always create hostility?
10:51Oh, you're certainly a joke, guy.
10:53Oh, look, I'll tell you.
10:54I mean, I'm glad you're interested in what we're doing, but let's face it, you've only been
10:57here four days.
10:58Don't you think it's a possibility that you've got too bowled over too soon?
11:01No.
11:02Well, it's a possibility, Tom, but the only way I can be certain is by talking right through
11:07it.
11:07I don't care if we sit here all night.
11:09All night?
11:10Oh, well, I need my beauty sleep.
11:11I mean, if I talked away all night, how could I keep on looking like Paul Newman?
11:14Perhaps you're right.
11:20Perhaps I should sleep on it.
11:23But do you think the concept of a kibbutzim...
11:25Guy, Tom told us to go to bed.
11:27Well, it wasn't an order.
11:28I know.
11:28Yes, sorry.
11:29Good night.
11:30Good night, Barbara.
11:31Good night, Tom.
11:33Night, night.
11:36Sleep tight.
11:44Heavy going, aren't they?
11:56Yeah.
11:57Were you that intense when you were there, age?
11:59Me?
12:00No.
12:02All I worried about was whether this would-be sophisticated was going to ask me out.
12:06Did he?
12:08Yes, you phoned up, don't you remember?
12:11What do you mean, would-be sophisticated?
12:13Well, you were.
12:15You had a car.
12:16Impressed my mum and dad.
12:18No end.
12:20Best seat at the Odeon.
12:22Box of chocolates.
12:23Arms straight round the back of the chair.
12:25No messing about.
12:26So, so?
12:27Well, you ruined it all when you stuck your finger in that woman's raspberry ripple.
12:32You would remember that bit, wouldn't you?
12:38Oh, young love.
12:40Yeah.
12:42Hmm.
12:43Now you've got another case to deal with.
12:48Who are you talking about?
12:49Ruth.
12:50Fancies you.
12:52She doesn't.
12:55She does.
12:57Never.
13:00Does she?
13:01Plain as a pike star.
13:03Can't keep her eyes off you.
13:05Little bosom heaves every time she looks at you.
13:07No.
13:07What else does she do?
13:11You're loving this, aren't you?
13:13It's of no importance one way or the other to me.
13:16Oh, no.
13:16Why are you holding your stomach in?
13:17I'm not.
13:19Yes.
13:20Young girls like that are very susceptible to ageing Lotharios.
13:23She's just a child.
13:28Mind you, it's not that small.
13:29What isn't it?
13:30Her bosom.
13:30Oh, come on.
13:32I'm not denying that I'm conscious of women's bosoms.
13:35I'm just saying, well, all right.
13:37Perhaps the child has got a thing about me.
13:39You like it.
13:40I like it.
13:41And perhaps, on the other hand, she hasn't.
13:43Perhaps you've made this whole thing up.
13:44It's just about the time when you were, isn't it?
13:48You're getting a bit past it.
13:49You're getting a bit rattled.
13:49Your fingers gone.
13:50An insane pitch of jealousy.
13:52Jealousy is only to be expected.
13:57Aren't you going to thump me?
13:58No.
14:01The thing is, Tom, there's an element of truth in what you're saying.
14:06Oh, no, love.
14:07Come on.
14:08I was only kidding.
14:09So was I.
14:12You!
14:14Oh, God, that rush hour gets worse every day.
14:27Took me half an hour to get across London Bridge this evening.
14:29I'm sorry.
14:30I have no time to discuss London Bridge.
14:32Good evening, Jerry.
14:35Would you sharpen these pencils, please?
14:37Yes, of course.
14:40What's for dinner?
14:41Don't confuse me, please.
14:42I only asked what was for dinner.
14:45Where did you put those pads I bought for Bridge?
14:47I can't play Bridge on an empty stomach.
14:49Look, I'll finish the pencils.
14:51You find the pads.
14:53Anyway, it's Wednesday.
14:55Friday night's Bridge night.
14:56Who said anything about playing cards?
14:58Margot, what is going on?
15:00Ah, here they are.
15:00You let them in, Jerry.
15:02I must get my gavel.
15:03Oh, hello.
15:06Hello.
15:07Hello.
15:08Here, Jerry.
15:10What's all this about?
15:11Oh, I was hoping you might be able to tell me.
15:13No.
15:13Margot just said be here at 6.30 and then vanished in a pub of smoke.
15:17Perhaps she's holding a press conference.
15:19At my dinner yet.
15:22There we all are.
15:24Tom and Barbara, will you sit there?
15:27Jerry, there, please.
15:28I know what it is.
15:39It's a seance.
15:41Anybody there?
15:43Blimey, that was quick.
15:47Tom, I am calling the meeting to order.
15:51I have taken the chair pro tem,
15:53but of course in due time we shall formally elect a chairwoman.
15:56Now, item one on the agenda.
16:02Yes, Jerry?
16:03Where's my dinner?
16:05I don't know how you can think of cramming yourself full of food at a time like this.
16:08At a time like what?
16:10Oh, I'm sorry.
16:11Of course I should have told you.
16:12We are here to discuss the house next to Tom and Barbara.
16:16OK.
16:17Well, it's got a yellow front door.
16:18Lettuce window.
16:19Tom, it also has a for sale notice that went up today.
16:23That's because the Turners are selling it.
16:25I know that.
16:26But to whom?
16:27The buyers.
16:29Don't be facetious, Barbara, please.
16:31Well, what else can we be?
16:32The house is up for sale.
16:33What's it to do with us?
16:34That is the very point of this committee.
16:35To veto undesirables from living amongst us.
16:38Ah, you mean we should skim off the cream?
16:41Yes, yes.
16:42No hawkers, no circulars, and above all, nobody who ripples our middle-class pond.
16:46That's one way of putting it, yes.
16:47I'm missing my dinner for this.
16:49Damn your dinner, Jerry.
16:51You know what I mean.
16:52Yes, but I mean, what can we do?
16:54I know how I'd like to live in that house.
16:56A chap who works in the city, comes home every evening to a wife called Stephanie,
16:59has a black Labrador and 2.5 children.
17:02But I mean, we're helpless, aren't we?
17:03We all have pads and pencils, Jerry.
17:06We should be writing down measures we can take to preserve our standards.
17:10Ah, I have one.
17:12The chair recognises Barbara.
17:13I think we should form an action group.
17:16The action group?
17:17Good.
17:18And?
17:19And we should keep smashing the estate agents' windows till they give us the people we want.
17:24I seem to be the only one who's taking this business seriously.
17:27No, no, no, no, no.
17:28Not true, not true.
17:29I've got a serious suggestion.
17:31Yes, Tom.
17:32Why don't we all mind our own bloody business?
17:35Well, thank you very much, Tom.
17:37When you've got some loud-mouthed nabby living next door to you,
17:41you'll wish you'd listen to me.
17:42Can I have my dinner now?
17:44No.
17:45Well, back to the liquid diet.
17:48Who's going to join me in a spot of Geneva gin?
17:50Please, Barbara?
17:51Mmm, Margot, I will if you will.
17:53Yes, why not?
17:54Let's all get drunk.
17:55That seems to be Jerry's answer to everything.
17:56Oh, for heaven's sake.
17:57Let's bore Tom and Barbara with snapshots of our Dutch trip.
18:00I don't know where they are.
18:01So much for that.
18:03Oh, that's Guy.
18:04Typical student manners.
18:05Not deigning to knock at the front door.
18:07Don't worry, I won't let him infect the house.
18:09He's probably come for you.
18:10Ruth's probably let slip that she's madly in love with you.
18:12Well, I'm certainly not frightened of a jealous kid, am I?
18:21Oh, hello, Guy.
18:23What's up?
18:23I've been thinking.
18:25I had to see you because I know what I'm going to do.
18:27No, no, no, look.
18:28If it's about Ruth, I've done nothing to encourage her.
18:30Oh, no, I accept the Ruth situation.
18:32She told me about it and I accept it.
18:33Do you?
18:34I mean, you love your wife.
18:35That's obvious.
18:36It's not as though you were some bloke at university trying to pull my bird.
18:40If you were, I'd probably break your arm or something.
18:43Now, look, chum, I boxed at school, you know.
18:46I've got a black belt at karate.
18:48You said you'd accept it.
18:49Oh, I don't blame Ruth.
18:52How can I?
18:54How can I compete with a giant social philosophy like yours?
18:57I am not Burton Russell.
18:59No, you're beyond that.
19:00That's what decided me.
19:02On what?
19:03The commune.
19:04Ruth, me.
19:05There's a lot of us at college.
19:07We didn't know where we were going, Tom, but you've supplied the answer.
19:11A commune.
19:12Your way.
19:13Where?
19:14In your house.
19:15Come again.
19:15Yes.
19:17Ruth, me, David, Peter and Liz Certain.
19:20Bill and Rudy, their probables.
19:21And I know I can get at least three more from the Sorbonne.
19:23Ah.
19:24All in my house.
19:25Yes.
19:26It'll be the new lifestyle.
19:28We'll light a beacon for people who've lost their way.
19:30What you really want is a lighthouse.
19:31Don't joke, Tom.
19:34I'm serious.
19:36What do you say?
19:38No.
19:39But...
19:39No, but...
19:40No.
19:40I've already got a commune.
19:42Barbara and me.
19:43I call it marriage.
19:43Private.
19:44Just us two.
19:44See?
19:45But we're not trying to take anything away from you, Tom.
19:47We want to add to it.
19:48To extend the concept with you as a sort of patriarch.
19:54Look, Guy, I sink when I try to walk on water.
19:58Well, we'll just have to adopt our contingency plan.
20:01Oh, you've got one of those, have you?
20:02At least we'll be near enough to come to you for advice and guidance.
20:06Well, how?
20:06What are you going to do?
20:07Buy the house next door.
20:11I can't get over it.
20:13Old Tom has the answer to a maiden's prayer.
20:16Oh, it's true.
20:17I found her fondling his pullover the other day.
20:20Yes, mate.
20:21Tom!
20:22I mean, if it had been me, I could have understood.
20:25Ah, well, you haven't got a mind like Leonardo da Vinci.
20:28That's what really turned Ruth on in the first place.
20:30I mean, Tom's body's just a bonus.
20:33Well, I'd have shown her the door.
20:35Oh, Margaret, it's perfectly innocent.
20:38Didn't you ever have a crush on an older man when you were a girl?
20:40No.
20:42Well, I did have one or two adolescent dreams about Duncan Sands.
20:45Oh, that's a relief.
20:52Oh, I don't know why you take these kids so seriously, haven't they?
20:55Only kids perfectly innocent, perfectly harmless.
20:58Yes.
21:02Tom?
21:03What's up?
21:04Oh, nothing much.
21:05Just a guy and Ruth and half of Nottingham University are going to start a commune, that's all.
21:09Good.
21:10Russia is the best place for them.
21:12A little bit nearer than that, Margot.
21:15Where?
21:15The house next door.
21:17What?
21:18Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
21:19Before we all go three-no trumps and coronaries, let's examine the facts.
21:24Students are always pleading poverty, aren't they?
21:26How can they possibly afford a house like that?
21:28Well, you've heard of Staffordshire?
21:32Yes.
21:33Well, Guy's father seems to earn most of it.
21:36To Guy?
21:37But he's so modest he never even talks about money.
21:40That's because he despises it.
21:41Can't possibly despise money.
21:43He can.
21:44You know what he said to me?
21:45He said, Tom, at last I can see the point in having three million stinking pounds.
21:48That boy needs psychoanalysis.
21:50He must have stopped.
21:51A commune in the avenue, it's unthinkable.
21:54Margot, you surprised me.
21:56I would have thought having a millionaire in the avenue would have made up for it.
21:59There are millionaires and millionaires, Barbara.
22:01That pop person, Jack Jagger, now he's a millionaire.
22:06He's certainly persona non grata with me.
22:08And this guy, he's a communist.
22:10Why, yeah.
22:11That's what I can't understand.
22:12I mean, why doesn't he go and buy the Isle of Wight or something?
22:15That's the trouble.
22:16He wants to be near me.
22:17He doesn't fancy you as well, does he?
22:19No, no, no.
22:21He sees me as his patriarch.
22:23That makes me his matriarch.
22:26No, I won't.
22:26I'm too young.
22:27He doesn't bear thinking about it, does he?
22:29Twenty earnest acolytes leaning over the fence applauding every time I milk the goat.
22:32And we'll be spending all day listening to them watching us.
22:35And they'll be earnest all the time.
22:36Don't forget Ruth fondling your pullovers and begging for a love child.
22:40Oh, no, I couldn't stand it.
22:40I couldn't stand it.
22:41I develop a facial tick.
22:42No, all right, all right.
22:43We're agreed.
22:43Now, what are we going to do about it?
22:45Inform the police.
22:47What are you going to charge them with?
22:48Buying a house?
22:49No, no, no.
22:50Perhaps you get through to Guy's father.
22:51Or the estate agent.
22:53A petition.
22:53That's what we need.
22:54A petition.
22:55An injunction.
22:55Who knows anything about an injunction?
22:57Look, let's itemize our complaints.
22:59That might help.
22:59Yes, after all, we live here.
23:01We must have some rights.
23:04What am I doing?
23:06I was the one who said we should mind our own bloody business.
23:08This is our business.
23:09It is not.
23:11If Bertram Mills and his circus wanted to move in next door, it's nothing to do with me.
23:14And if this lot want to start a commune,
23:15and every man jack of them has a guitar and plays meaningful songs all night,
23:19it's still nothing to do with me.
23:20I'm very sorry, Margot.
23:21You know, I have to practice what I preach.
23:23Wife.
23:28Jerry, what are we going to do?
23:32Could have dinner.
23:32All right, come on.
23:41Good girl.
23:42Come on.
23:43Got her?
23:44Got her?
23:44Yeah.
23:45Just got it.
23:46Yes, got it.
23:46Yes, yes, yes.
23:47Oh.
23:49There she is.
23:50Look, her wattles have all gone baggy.
23:52Yeah, well, she's gone broody, you see.
23:53Now, listen, Gert.
23:53Listen to me.
23:54Listen to me.
23:54Look at me when you're talking.
23:57I understand you're feeling all fluffed up and unnecessary,
23:59but you're not to go broody on top of the dresser.
24:01Got it?
24:01Got it?
24:01Right.
24:11Where are they going now, then, Barbara?
24:13Ah, oh, right.
24:15Hang on a minute.
24:18Tom?
24:19Guy and Ruth's just going.
24:21OK.
24:21We cleaned up our room.
24:22It's just as we found it.
24:24I bet it's not.
24:25I bet it's cleaner.
24:26Ah, well, thanks a lot.
24:29When they elect me king of the allotments next year,
24:31it'll all be down to you.
24:32It's been the most marvellous week of my life, Tom.
24:35Oh, I'm glad.
24:37Why did I have to turn traitor?
24:39Oh, Guy, you really must stop this breast beating.
24:42You'll bruise yourself.
24:43What have you done now?
24:44I've let you both down.
24:45How?
24:47I don't know how to say this.
24:48I'm sorry.
24:49I'm not going to buy the house next door.
24:53Oh, what a shame.
24:56Oh, dear.
24:57I know it's ratting on the ideals that you taught me.
25:00Let me say it, Guy.
25:01It's because of me.
25:03Or rather, you, Tom.
25:05You must know the way I feel about you.
25:08And you, Barbara, you must have noticed.
25:10I mean, you're so much older than I am.
25:11Not that much.
25:13No, wiser, I meant.
25:15Better.
25:16You see, I couldn't live next door to you feeling the way I do.
25:19I've got to get away from you completely, Tom.
25:22Don't worry.
25:23A lot of people feel like that way about me, you know.
25:26And me?
25:27You're seeing me in my true colours now.
25:29I'm just a boring traditionalist.
25:32I discovered that I want Ruth more than I want to commune.
25:35What about that?
25:36That's the most sensible thing you've said all week.
25:38Is it?
25:39You see, I still don't read you, Tom.
25:40Perhaps if we sat down and discussed it.
25:42No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
25:43Look, go back to university, work hard and court Ruth.
25:46Now, there you are.
25:47There's an old-fashioned thing.
25:48Court Ruth.
25:48Make a nuisance of yourself until she accepts you.
25:50That's what I did.
25:51True.
25:53What have I got to offer her?
25:55Well, nice personality, good teeth, three million quid.
25:59And Ruth, honestly, I mean, he's just a store and a tea cup.
26:02I mean, he's not worth it.
26:05Guy's the one for you, you see.
26:06I suppose, sir.
26:10Well, all the best and keep in touch.
26:13Tom.
26:14Barbara.
26:14Bye.
26:15Goodbye, Tom.
26:16Bye, Ruth.
26:17I love you.
26:21Well, all the best and thanks very much again.
26:24Bye.
26:25Bye.
26:26Don't forget to keep in touch now.
26:27Bye.
26:28Goodbye.
26:28Take care.
26:29Bye.
26:32Oh.
26:32Perhaps if I'd done those allotments by myself, I wouldn't feel so tired.
26:37You, uh, think Ruth will be all right, do you?
26:40Oh, I should think so.
26:42Give her a couple of months and you'll just be a memory.
26:44Well, I'd have thought a couple of years.
26:48Oh, may I come in?
26:50Oh, Margot, we've got news.
26:53So have I.
26:55Jerry and I are moving to Cobham.
26:57What?
26:58Right this minute?
26:58Well, we haven't actually found a property yet, but when we do find one, I want you to
27:04know, Tom, that you and your hippie friends have driven us away from Surbiton.
27:09Oh, come on, Margot.
27:10Stop doing a Sarah Bernhardt.
27:12The commune is off.
27:13Our Ernest friends changed their minds.
27:15Thank heavens for that.
27:17You know, I never really fancied Cobham.
27:20They've got a chemist in the high street they call a drugstore.
27:23No.
27:24They have.
27:24Oh.
27:25Oh, incidentally, Margot.
27:26So, another bit of good news, I bumped into the estate agent this morning.
27:29We know he's going to take the house next door.
27:31Oh, really?
27:32Very nice family, apparently.
27:34Banker, isn't he, Barbara?
27:35Oh, yes, yes.
27:37And, um, I believe so.
27:39And his wife doesn't work apart from the odd charity dues.
27:43Oh, now that sounds more like it.
27:45Two children, both at boarding school.
27:46Excellent, excellent.
27:48Well, I expect you're going to invite them round.
27:50Welcome to the avenue, that sort of thing.
27:52What a good idea, yes.
27:54I know, I'll pop a notelet through their letterbox.
27:57You don't happen to know their name, do you?
27:59Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Aziz Mohammed Ibn Khan.
28:05Oh, my God.
28:06Jerry?
28:07Jerry?
28:08Jerry?
28:08Jerry?
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28:48Jerry?
28:49Jerry?
28:50Jerry?
28:51Jerry?