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00:01Live from his luxury penthouse apartment in London's glittering East End,
00:04Dean Lerner, club owner, entrepreneur and publisher of High Class Gentlemen's magazines
00:09invites you to join him for an exclusive Man to Man.
00:30Please welcome Mr. D. Lerner.
01:00Thank you, thank you. Good evening and welcome to Man to Man.
01:09Thank you so much for dropping by The Mansionette, right here at the top of Dean Towers.
01:14We have a great show for you tonight, but if you'll forgive me, I have just one bit of AOB to attend to first.
01:20This week sees the launch of my new pay-per-view television channel dedicated to girl-on-girl pillow fighting.
01:26And you can order it by phoning this number on the bottom of your screen.
01:32So, just give our call team your credit card details and join in the harmless fun.
01:37And for billing purposes, charges to your card will be marked as office equipment.
01:44Now, my VIP visitor tonight is a towering figure in the world of sci-fi cinema for the home video market.
01:51Films such as Time Whackers, The Lactator, Frisk City Delta and Cop Gooses 1 through 8
01:58have made him a hero to single men throughout the world.
02:02But he's perhaps best remembered for his pivotal role in the television series Galactocops
02:06in which he played Bot, the alien with a human heart.
02:10His new autobiography, Bot Seriously, movingly describes his lifelong career with this historic show
02:18and is available from the Dean Lerner Book Club.
02:21And the number for that should come up at the bottom of your screen now.
02:25Order now and you can get my autobiography, I Have a Dean,
02:30learning, living and loving with Dean Lerner for the reduced price of £90.
02:37But before I welcome this acting behemoth, let's turn back the clock
02:41and cop a look at one of Bot's finest moments.
02:48It's too late for me, Jack. My time is over.
02:52Do not weep for me, for I have known many wonderful things in my life
02:56as the ship's chief pleasure port.
02:58Why, you showed me the reigning stars of Trematricon V.
03:03You showed me the twin moons of the Gantrax Helix,
03:07where we liberated the Hoodramans from their vile slave masters.
03:11Restored the mighty Opteryx.
03:14And you showed me that game with those majestic colored orbs.
03:19What... what was the name of that game, Jack?
03:22Snooker.
03:23Snooker.
03:24Snooker.
03:25Snooker.
03:26Snooker.
03:27Snooker.
03:28Mour not my passing,
03:32for we Botrakans do not fear death.
03:35The knowledge of my people may be passed on to those who have joined our everlasting quest for courage,
03:41wisdom,
03:43and above all,
03:46dignity.
03:49Let us perform the rite.
04:08Trey, my friend...
04:10Please give a warm intergalactic welcome to Mr Glyn Nimrod.
04:37Galactica!
04:38Galactica!
04:39Galactica!
04:40In the blood in your hands,
04:43that can't be heard of me.
04:46Galactica!
04:48Galactica!
04:49Galactica!
04:50Bringing us into the galaxy!
04:55Greetings, Captain.
05:00At ease, soldier.
05:03It's great to see you looking so well, Glyn.
05:06Well, thank you very much, Dean, and thank you for your wonderful introduction.
05:10Although we in the business never use the term sci-fi.
05:13It's SF.
05:14SF.
05:15That's right.
05:16SF for Scientifical Fictions.
05:18Right.
05:19Not sci-fi.
05:20Never sci-fi.
05:21Stanford Graney, the wonderful creator of Galactica!
05:23He despised the term sci-fi, like he despised Orientals.
05:28It's a simple mistake to make, but one I feel should be rectified.
05:34Could we have the fire down a little lower, please?
05:36Yeah, sure.
05:37It's just, I can no longer endure a heat source stronger than 25 degrees centigrade.
05:42I don't know if your cameras can observe, but my forehead is already susceptible to finger indentation.
05:47Sure.
05:48Could you let me know if you would notice any discharge?
05:51Sure.
05:52I'll be the first to let you know, should you discharge.
05:56And if you could do likewise.
05:57Of course.
05:58Of course.
05:59There's a bit of a whiff, actually, if you don't mind me saying it.
06:02Well, that's a chemical compound.
06:03It's a skin healin'.
06:04It cools the skin from within.
06:06It's being patented by my surgeon, but it's not in the stores yet, because unfortunately,
06:10it's still highly flammable.
06:12That's right.
06:13Can we, let's have this fire down.
06:16A little bit lower.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Okay.
06:19Can I just say, it's such an honour to have you on the show.
06:21I mean, I've had many achievements in my life.
06:23I now own six nudie bars.
06:25I've met both of the proclaimers.
06:27I actually refereed a tug of war between them and Tears for Fears.
06:31But really meeting you is the culmination of everything.
06:35I'm such a huge fan.
06:37It really is the best moment of my entire life.
06:39And I'd just like to thank you so much for coming on the show.
06:42Well, thank you very much, Dean.
06:44Thank you very much.
06:46And I'd like to thank you for coming all this way.
06:49Could you've flown in straight from Hawaii, haven't you?
06:51That's right.
06:52You're half Hawaiian.
06:53You're right.
06:54My father was a Hawaiian fire breather.
06:56And my mother was a nurse in a hospital burns unit.
06:59And ironically enough, on their first date, my father belched at the wrong moment and set
07:04her alight.
07:05She was a beautiful woman, my mother.
07:08On the left-hand side.
07:10She was certainly a striking presence in any room.
07:14And I really enjoyed reading your new autobiography, which I believe is the sixth you've written.
07:21Well, I tried squeezing them into five, but they just wouldn't fit.
07:25Wouldn't fit.
07:27Lovely.
07:28But this is a special one, isn't it?
07:30Yeah.
07:31Because it's the first book in which you discuss candidly your relationship with the creator
07:35of Galactic Cops, De Montvergrini.
07:37That's right.
07:38He was a genius.
07:39And I think the thing is, we shared a vision in Galactic Cops, because on the one hand,
07:43it was a futuristic cop show.
07:45But on the other, it dealt with some pretty fundamental human themes.
07:48Indeed, yes.
07:49Tolerance, compassion, love, understanding, water sports, and above all, dignity.
07:58Human dignity, which is something De Montfort never lost, right up until that final rectal
08:03prolapse which ended his filmmaking career.
08:06Sure.
08:07And I'm so proud, because we've managed to film you reading that book for DVD, and that
08:11should be out soon on the Dean VD label.
08:14Well, that was on your suggestion, Dean.
08:17Yes.
08:18I mean, after reading your book, I thought perhaps it might be even more appreciated by
08:21the illiterate.
08:22And the thing is, if you can tap into the illiterate market, your quid's in, because
08:29they can't read the reviews.
08:31So, let's take a look.
08:34Hello.
08:35I'm Glyn Nimrod, and welcome to volume 1.9 of my digitally versatile Discal Biog.
08:43If you've bought this box set expecting to meet Bot, well, you're going to be disappointed.
08:48Bot is under my strictest instructions not to interfere.
08:53Greetings.
08:54I am Bot.
08:55Hey, Bot.
08:56Didn't I specifically tell you not to interfere?
08:58It is in my nature to help those who are struggling.
09:01Well, I'm managing very well here on my lonesome thank you.
09:04Now, get out of here.
09:05As you wish.
09:06Gee, I hope he doesn't pop up again unannounced.
09:10I first met DeMontford Graney when I was just a young actor in some long-forgotten television
09:16drama.
09:17I'd never even heard of the great director, but one evening as I was hosing off my makeup
09:22in my dressing room, he came to me and made his feelings known.
09:26Glyn, he said, drawing the shower curtain close behind him, Glyn, I've been watching you.
09:32You have the physique of an astronaut.
09:35I want you to play Bot in my new film.
09:38And by the way, you're using that loofah all wrong.
09:41This is how it's done.
09:43The rest of that evening is now, sadly, just a haze.
09:47But one thing was certain.
09:49A new and powerful force had entered Glyn Nimrod.
09:54The following day, I feverishly devoured DeMontford's script.
09:59Bot had five lines.
10:01How the hell was I going to learn all this material?
10:04I was terrified.
10:06I'd only ever had one speaking role to date, and that was the line,
10:10Please don't shoot me.
10:11I'm new to this country.
10:13So I consulted DeMontford.
10:15Mr. Graney, I said, wringing my hands nervously.
10:19Maybe you should go hire another actor.
10:22He listened, steadied my nervous wrists by securing them tightly to my ankles, and whispered,
10:28Glyn, I don't want an actor.
10:31I want you.
10:32The rest of that lunchtime is now, sadly, just a haze.
10:37One thing was certain, but was back.
10:40Did someone say my name?
10:42Hey, don't make me use this.
10:45And it stays as funny as that for the next 30 hours.
11:01Now, Bot is obviously your most famous, well, only famous character.
11:06How would you describe him to the countless millions and millions of people who have no idea who he is?
11:12Well, very simply, Bot started out as Trainee Counselor 3 on board the Galacticops cruiser, the Galacticat,
11:19and fast became a firm favourite with the fans.
11:22But I'm pleased to say that by film 13, Bot had completed his training
11:27and been promoted to co-deputy assistant secretary to the advisory board for the Vice Chief Counselor's Junior Ombudsman Standing Committee.
11:35There was quite a physical demand upon your person in the role, wasn't there?
11:40De Montfort did push you, didn't he?
11:42Didn't he put you on an oestrogen diet so he could grow your own breasts?
11:45Yes.
11:46Yes, he did do that.
11:48But you know what?
11:49Whenever I was anxious, De Montfort would pop a reassuring thumb up my ass,
11:52and the whole worry of the world would just melt away from my shoulders.
11:57Now, I'm about to embarrass you, Glyn, because I've had a dream ever since I was a little nipper
12:03that one day I might perform in a scene with my favourite actor of all time, Chuck Norris.
12:08Only joking, Glyn Nimrod.
12:10I've got a script here which I've written, it's based on my autobiography, it's my life story,
12:15and I'd love you to take a look at the part of my mother.
12:18OK.
12:19I've got it.
12:20Hang on, I need to...
12:22Sorry, could you hold this?
12:24Oh.
12:25Oh!
12:26Oh, Jesus Christ!
12:27Put him out!
12:28Put him out!
12:29Put him out!
12:30OK, OK, cut to the pillow fight!
12:31Cut to the pillow fight!
12:32Put him out!
12:33Put him out!
12:34Put him out!
12:43Welcome back.
12:44For those of you who've just joined us, my guest tonight, Glyn Nimrod,
12:47has partially melted as a result of an accidental fire in the studio.
12:51It was an act of God, nothing could have been done to prevent it.
12:54Glyn's skin, however, is very thin, due mainly to years of surgical grafting for breast augmentation.
13:01The top of his head has come away, his shoulders are slightly crispy, and his nipples have begun to weep.
13:08He's being kept cool backstage in the man-to-man hospitality suite, where he's currently awaiting a doctor.
13:15He's comfortable, he's being kept moist, he's having hot milk and cake, and we've managed to cut him safely out of his trousers.
13:22Our cameras are in there, the lighting is lower than we'd like, but Glyn is both willing and contractually obliged to continue...
13:29...to continue talking to us.
13:32Glyn, can you hear me?
13:35Oh, boy.
13:37OK, Glyn.
13:38OK.
13:39Oh, wow.
13:40Yeah.
13:41Are you alright?
13:42I'm fine, Dean. I'm just sorry we couldn't complete our script.
13:46Well, I've still got the script, and it'd be great if we could still go through it.
13:51Sure.
13:52Actually, I don't think that's a good idea, Dean. I'm burnt pretty bad.
13:56It's alright, Satu can hold up the script for you.
14:00Oh.
14:01I'll set the scene for you.
14:04I'm in the middle of...
14:05Oh!
14:06Hey, come on.
14:07Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
14:09Oh.
14:10OK.
14:11I'm in the middle of opening up my first lap dancing club, and I receive a phone call saying my mother is critically ill.
14:17It's your line first.
14:18Oh, Jesus, I'm so goddamn hot.
14:21No, no.
14:23It's actually, I'm so proud of you, Dean.
14:27I'm sorry to do this to you on your big night.
14:30And then it's my line.
14:31Don't worry, mother.
14:32I forgive you.
14:33Can you not die for another hour?
14:35Gaz Top is here, and the press are clamouring for a photo of us together.
14:41Oh.
14:42Oh.
14:43No, no, no, no.
14:45That's not it, either, Glyn.
14:48We'll pick this up later.
14:49We'll play in the VT and we'll come back, Glyn.
14:51I don't think so, Dean.
14:52I'm burned pretty bad.
14:53Yeah.
14:54Yeah.
14:55No.
14:56You've said.
14:58Now, earlier this year, I gave Glyn a camera.
15:03Well, Len, though he seems to have taken it as a fucking gift.
15:06And I asked him to give us an exclusive insider's view of the 14th Uxbridge Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention.
15:15Hi.
15:16I'm Glyn Nimrod, and I'm here in Uxbridge, England, for the 14th Annual Uxbridge Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention, held this year in the Uxbridge Conference Center, right here in Uxbridge.
15:30It's a little rainy, it's a little early, so I'm going to go grab a continental breakfast in my hotel, which, lucky for me, is situated just across the way there.
15:43Come on, I'll buy you coffee.
15:46Galacticos, Galacticos, we're planning near Japan, that's where we will be.
15:56Galacticos, Galacticos, bring us into the gas.
16:03We'll be looking.
16:05Lynn Nimrod.
16:06No.
16:07No?
16:08No.
16:09Really?
16:10No.
16:11No, there's nothing here.
16:12Maybe they put it under my travelling pseudonym, which is Mr Milk.
16:16No.
16:17What about bot?
16:18They could have put it under bot.
16:21Oh.
16:22Bot's 1,000.
16:23That's the one.
16:24That's it.
16:25It should actually be 10,000.
16:26I got promoted in the last film, but that's fine.
16:29I've got the stuff wrong.
16:30Your problem, not yours.
16:31Okay, so how do you like to pay?
16:33Oh, I thought it was paid for.
16:35Not yet, no.
16:36Oh, okay. How much is it?
16:39It's 45 for a double.
16:41Jesus Christ.
16:44Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, Mr. Glenn Nimrod.
16:53Hello, Uxbridge. How are you?
16:56Great. Or as I should say, as Bob would say,
17:00You got it. Great.
17:07You know, it's wonderful to be here among so many familiar faces.
17:12In fact, bang goes my speech. You guys all heard it last year.
17:17Hi there. Yes, it's five pounds for a pre-signed photograph
17:20and ten pounds if I sign it in front of you.
17:23And for another ten pounds, I'll take my top off.
17:26No, seriously, just my shorts.
17:29I'll take just about anything.
17:31Hey, I've had an idea. Why don't you just sign it and I'll fill it in?
17:37No, I'm only kidding. Ten pounds. That's great.
17:40Hello.
17:40Hi.
17:41What's your name?
17:42William.
17:43William comes from the German Wilhelm.
17:46Wil meaning desire and helm meaning helmet.
17:49So I can quite legitimately say to you,
17:51William, I desire your helmet and there's nothing you can do about it.
17:54So think about that.
17:56In fact, I'm going to give you a discount.
17:57That's nine pounds fifty.
17:59And I will see you in the bar, hopefully.
18:02And...
18:02Can I get a picture with you?
18:04Of course you can.
18:05First take your 50p change.
18:07Come over here.
18:09Okay, come down to my level.
18:11Sorry.
18:12Okay.
18:13I can't do a discount for children.
18:15Ten pounds, ten pounds, ten pounds, ten pounds.
18:17So 40 pounds?
18:18Could we just take the one, then?
18:19Take the one.
18:20Okay, but I can only sign it to one of them.
18:23Could you not do that to the table, please?
18:25Well, I've had a wonderful time.
18:27I've had one dirty banana too many.
18:29But it's goodnight from me,
18:31and it's goodnight from William here,
18:33who has very kindly agreed to give this ageing old alien a bit for the night.
18:37So thanks for joining me,
18:38and I hope to see you all again next year.
18:41Over to you, Dean.
18:42Dean.
18:50In the last couple of minutes, during that VT sequence,
18:53Glyn's condition has sadly worsened.
18:55My personal physician is in there with him.
18:57He's a breast specialist.
18:59He's done all of my girlfriends,
19:01and he has told me that Glyn has to have an immediate quadruple breast bypass
19:05to stop the seepage, or he'll drown in saline.
19:08So, Phil, how's he doing?
19:11We're going to have to go now, Dean.
19:12I'm sorry.
19:12Yeah, okay.
19:13Well, sure.
19:14No problem.
19:15Our thoughts are with you, Glyn.
19:16We hope you pull through.
19:17It doesn't look good.
19:19And out of respect,
19:20I've chosen not to continue our reading of my script.
19:24We did have one opportunity to perform together way back when, though,
19:27on my old show, Dino's After Dark.
19:30Glyn was a regular visitor there after the cancellation of Galactocops,
19:33and around this time,
19:34he was trying to salvage his flagging singing career.
19:37So, at his behest,
19:38we, for the first and only time,
19:40sang a duet together.
19:42This is for you, Glyn.
19:43Oh, hold on a minute.
20:10Hold on a minute.
20:11Where's Glyn?
20:11I wonder where he could be.
20:15I'll take a look.
20:24Glyn, where have you been?
20:26The party started ages ago,
20:28and the girls are about to strip.
20:29Come and join in the fun.
20:31No, Dean, I don't feel like it.
20:34I just want to look out this window for a while.
20:37But why look out the window?
20:38There's nothing to see,
20:39and I can offer you far more attractive sight through there.
20:43Be a sport.
20:44I don't know, Dean.
20:45It's just not me.
20:47I've always felt different from you guys.
20:51Maybe that's why I love stars so much.
20:54They don't judge.
20:55In fact, there's a lot of places you can go looking out a window.
20:59Just wandering and wandering.
21:08I knew a little boy
21:12He used to have a mom and dad, one burned, and then one drowned.
21:25He'd play with little robot toys
21:33Spacemen were his thing
21:37And when his uncle came at night
21:43He'd look outside and sing
21:48I'm wandering and wandering
21:53Across a field of stars
21:59My bedroom since my parents died
22:04Has felt like prison bars
22:09Across the gulfs of space
22:14And time
22:15And Saturn
22:17Magic rings
22:19There's space dust
22:24Rockets
22:25Shooting stars
22:28And there's no more horrid things
22:36I'm wandering
22:39He's wandering
22:43Just wandering
22:49We're wandering
22:55Fair enough
23:02But if you change your mind
23:03Just come through
23:04There's rubbers in that drawer
23:06We're going to make it through, Dean
23:19Keep both of you
23:20You've got to want it
23:21Come on
23:23You've got to want it, Glenn
23:24Yeah, that's his last interview
23:39You can see it in the eyes
23:40It's gone
23:41It's gone
23:41It's completely gone
23:42The fight's not there
23:43Good show?
23:44Yeah
23:45Couldn't see that
23:45Actually
23:46He was quite a good one tonight
23:47He was quite a good one tonight
23:48He was quite a good one tonight
23:49He was quite a good one tonight
23:50He was quite a good one tonight
23:51He was quite a good one tonight
23:52He was quite a good one tonight
23:53He was quite a good one tonight
23:54He was quite a good one tonight
23:55He was quite a good one tonight
23:56He was quite a good one tonight
23:57He was quite a good one tonight
23:58He was quite a good one tonight
23:59He was quite a good one tonight
24:00He was quite a good one tonight
24:01He was quite a good one tonight
24:02He was quite a good one tonight
24:03He was quite a good one tonight
24:04He was quite a good one tonight
24:05He was quite a good one tonight
24:06He was quite a good one tonight
24:07He was quite a good one tonight
24:08He was quite a good one tonight
24:09He was quite a good one tonight
24:10He was quite a good one tonight