Malcolm In The Middle Season 3 Episode 15 Hal's Birthday
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00:00I'll go to parent-teacher night.
00:30Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question?
00:42You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:53You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:06Life is unfair.
01:08Life is unfair.
01:19Hello.
01:21Hey, Stevie.
01:23The usual, we're on punishment.
01:27No good reason.
01:29We had the eggs, we had the golf clubs, what'd you expect?
01:34What, really?
01:35I want that thing spotless.
01:39I want to be able to lick the bricks.
01:41When are you going to lick the bricks?
01:43I want you to be able to lick the bricks.
01:46I'll lick the bricks right now.
01:48This is the last day of your punishment.
01:50You want me to tack on one day more?
01:52All right, all right.
01:54Hey, Stevie's dad got three extra tickets to the demolition derby.
02:09Cool.
02:10That's not even the best part.
02:11We're going with Stevie so we get the handicapped seats in the front.
02:16Hey, Mom, can we go to the demolition derby tomorrow?
02:19Demolition derby?
02:20What?
02:22You want to go tomorrow?
02:23Yeah, why not?
02:24Our punishment's over tonight.
02:27Do you think we might have something planned for tomorrow?
02:30Yeah, the demolition derby.
02:32Or could it be that tomorrow is your father's birthday?
02:37Oh.
02:37We talked about this.
02:39Well, maybe Doc can come with us.
02:41Yeah, we could get him a ticket from a scalper.
02:43That could be our present.
02:45You're not going anywhere.
02:47You're staying at home, and we're going to throw your father a birthday party like we talked about.
02:52I have something very special planned.
02:55Like what?
02:56It's none of your business.
02:57It's a surprise for your father.
02:59Honestly, I can't believe you boys.
03:01You have to be forced into celebrating your father's birthday?
03:05You should be ashamed of yourselves.
03:08You know what?
03:08You don't have to yell at us.
03:10We can hear you just fine if you talk in a normal tone of voice.
03:13I'm okay with the present system.
03:18Get back to work.
03:25I'm not okay with the present system.
03:28How does she make me say things like that?
03:31Oh, my God.
03:33What is it?
03:34Frances is coming home.
03:36Really?
03:36You're kidding.
03:37No, this is his itinerary.
03:39His flight gets in tomorrow.
03:40I hope this doesn't ruin Mom's special plan.
03:44This is Mom's special plan.
03:46Why didn't she tell us?
03:48Because it's a surprise for Dad.
03:51And if we blow her secret, Mom is going to kill us.
03:54So we just need to keep our mouth shut and finish our work.
03:58Right.
04:01Come on, Dewey.
04:02You call this clean?
04:03Come on.
04:10Happy birthday to you.
04:20Happy birthday to you.
04:22Happy birthday to Dad.
04:25Happy birthday to you.
04:26Don't touch that dial.
04:34You've never seen anything like this before.
04:37The Demolition Derby comes to the fairground.
04:40Ta-da!
04:41At 8 o'clock.
04:43See Dr. Bob Edwards and his 76 Impala station wagon.
04:47I'm dead.
04:48Dead.
04:48Destruction.
04:49Mayhem.
04:50Big cash prizes.
04:51Winner takes home $150.
04:54By this entry, wagering prohibited on the fairground.
04:57Come, if you dare.
05:00This is so unfair.
05:02Dad has tons of birthdays.
05:04But there's only one Demolition Derby.
05:07We never get to do anything good.
05:10Well, at least Francis will be here.
05:14Send his 76 Impala station wagon.
05:16I'm dead.
05:21Not bad.
05:24Still have a little snap in my skin?
05:27For the love of God, what did you do to me?
05:31What do you mean?
05:33All those sit-ups I did.
05:35All those miles I ran every morning.
05:37And this is how you repay me?
05:38By looking like hell?
05:41You think I look bad?
05:42Please.
05:43The crow's feet?
05:44The turkey neck?
05:45Okay.
05:47A few years have gone by.
05:48There's been a little wear and tear.
05:52Wear and tear?
05:53You look like a puppet of yourself made out of cottage cheese.
05:58What are you talking about?
05:59Check out the pant melons.
06:02They still do the trick.
06:04Well, sure.
06:05It's magnificent.
06:07But you're not going to be able to coast on that forever.
06:09I post-date checks to the power company all the time.
06:16Why is that suddenly such a big deal?
06:20Look, I'm a little short this month because I spent a lot of money to surprise my husband for his birthday.
06:26But next month...
06:28No, it was a special circumstance.
06:34Look, can I speak with your supervisor?
06:37No, don't put me on hold.
06:41Damn.
06:42Oops.
06:43Let me get those.
06:43Oh, there's one.
06:47Yes, I'm still holding.
06:49Do you have to stay on the phone?
06:51Hal, would you please just give me a minute?
06:53They're threatening to cut off the power.
06:54It's a 24-hour number.
06:56You can call them back.
06:57No, I can't.
06:57Yes, you can.
06:59You know, there was a time when I didn't have to ask for your attention.
07:03What?
07:03Yes, I thought you were getting the supervisor.
07:06The man likes to be noticed when he walks in the room, Lois.
07:10Boys, would you leave the room a minute so your father and I can talk?
07:13No!
07:19Excuse me?
07:21I'm not leaving.
07:22You guys just chase us out whenever you want without even asking us.
07:28I'm getting tired of it.
07:29Watching TV is the only thing to do in this house that's actually fun.
07:35So you're left with two choices.
07:38You can either fight somewhere else or get us a TV for our room.
07:46There's no reasoning with that woman.
07:49I thought you made some good points.
07:52It doesn't matter.
07:53She doesn't listen anyway.
07:55It's like talking to a wall.
07:57Hey, that's what we're doing.
07:59Just relax.
08:01It's only for a couple of hours.
08:03When Francis gets home, they'll forget all about it.
08:07We can get through this.
08:20We've been waiting for 20 minutes, Lois.
08:23When can we eat?
08:24Hell, we have to wait for the ice cream to loosen up.
08:29You know, you like it soft.
08:31No, I don't.
08:32Yes, you do.
08:33In fact, so do we.
08:35We all do.
08:36Since when?
08:37Since yesterday.
08:40What happened yesterday?
08:42Dad, just be patient.
08:44This isn't a witch hunt.
08:46Just calm down, and whatever happens is going to happen.
08:50What are you talking about?
08:51What I'm trying to say is we're going to get through this together as a family and as individuals in this great country where we live.
09:09Thank God.
09:15Come on, Al.
09:18What are you doing?
09:20Giving you your present.
09:23Ta-da!
09:25Happy birthday, Dad.
09:26Francis!
09:27Oh, my God, it's Francis.
09:31Oh, look at you coming here.
09:34I can't believe it.
09:36Well, how long are you staying?
09:38A few days.
09:38Are you surprised?
09:39Surprised?
09:40I'm in shock.
09:41Well, you should be.
09:43I've been planning this for months.
09:44Oh, thank you.
09:46Oh, happy birthday, honey.
09:48Well, hold on.
09:49I got another surprise for you.
09:50Oh.
09:53Everybody, this is Piyama.
09:55She's my wife.
10:05We're married.
10:07Hi.
10:09I was going to tell you over the phone, and then I thought, why not bring her down here and surprise you in person?
10:16What do you mean you're married?
10:18Piyama and I are husband and wife.
10:20We got married last week.
10:22Last week?
10:23Francis, who is this woman?
10:24She's my wife.
10:27Her name is Piyama.
10:29Hello.
10:36Well, come on.
10:37Isn't anyone going to congratulate us?
10:40What?
10:41For getting married?
10:42That's what families do?
10:44I think I'm going to be sick.
10:45Well, come on, Mom.
10:46You can at least try and be happy for me.
10:49I'm sorry, Francis.
10:50This is a hell of a thing to dump in my lap on your father's birthday.
10:55Yeah, it's all about you, Mom.
10:57Excuse me for thinking that my family would be exciting to meet my wife.
11:02I can't believe you guys.
11:04Come on, Francis.
11:05It's not their fault.
11:07What did you expect?
11:08You could have at least called ahead of time.
11:11Boys, go to your room.
11:12What?
11:13What do you mean we're on your side?
11:15I said go!
11:20How long have you known each other?
11:22You never mentioned her.
11:24Well, we met her a month ago.
11:26Today.
11:28Happy anniversary.
11:29Plus, we had the whole bus ride down.
11:31A month?
11:33I misjudged you.
11:35You know, come to think of it, that's the longest you've ever stuck with anything in your life.
11:40Congratulations.
11:41You outlasted his paper route.
11:43Lady, you don't want to stick your hand in my face.
11:47Hey, hey, hey, everybody, let's just calm down.
11:49We are calm.
11:50It's Mom who's flipping out.
11:52Oh, Francis, I haven't even started to flip out.
11:56Why can't you just be happy for us?
11:58We're supposed to be happy when you were paying us like this after all we've done for you?
12:03I'm confused.
12:04Are we talking about the years of psychological abuse or shipping me off to military school?
12:10This family sucks.
12:12They don't care anything about us.
12:13They don't even listen to us.
12:15Let's get out of here.
12:17To the demolition derby?
12:19No.
12:20I mean, let's really get out of here and get away from these people.
12:23Where are we going to go?
12:26Wherever this takes us.
12:28I snagged out of Dad's wallet this morning.
12:30You knew we were going to need it tonight?
12:33Uh, yeah.
12:34I'm in.
12:35Yeah, but...
12:37Stopping it to a bloody pulp and throw it in the trash.
12:40Why do I even try?
12:42You've been nothing but a problem since the day before.
12:44Let's go.
12:46He's trying to explain it to you if you just listen to him for once.
12:51Why are you talking?
12:53Why are you talking?
12:55Can we just stop this?
12:57Let's get in the car and go for a drive to cool off.
13:01We can still have a nice birthday party.
13:03Oh, we are long past having a nice birthday party.
13:08As usual, Francis has taken something that should have been sweet and ruined and...
13:13Don't pin this on me.
13:15I am completely willing to have a party right now.
13:18Oh, you want to have a party?
13:20Happy damn birthday!
13:23Hey, why don't we all have some cake?
13:27We don't want to be a part of this family anymore, so we're leaving.
13:33Oh, great, Mom.
13:35Here we go with the dramatic.
13:37Who else wants cake?
13:39You're welcome.
13:40Who wants some delicious damn cake?
13:43Can Vyama have a rose?
13:45Why not?
13:46There's plenty to go around.
13:49I'm the one who broke the ice maker last year.
13:53Why do you have to ruin everything?
13:55Well, I look for the best, Mom!
14:06Wow, I've never been in a hotel this fancy before.
14:10This isn't a hotel, Dewey.
14:12It's our new home.
14:13Okay, let me do all the talking.
14:18May I help you?
14:19My dad called in a reservation.
14:22Okay.
14:25There you are.
14:26As soon as your dad signs this, you're all set.
14:31Oh, he's out at the car, but we can take care of it.
14:34Oh, maybe you'll want to have a seat and we'll just wait for your dad.
14:38Is there any way we can speed this along?
14:39Um, my little brother isn't feeling very well.
14:42Yeah, my dad's going to be a while out there.
14:45He's cleaning the car where Dewey got sick.
14:47I'm sorry, but an adult needs to sign for the room.
14:50Look, he's really sick.
14:53He could blow any second.
14:56He doesn't look that sick to me.
15:06Dewey, that was amazing.
15:08They ran out of barf dust.
15:10I'm hungry.
15:11I bet you are.
15:14How do you guys want your steaks?
15:15Should we look in the park?
15:24Nah, nobody goes there anymore since I put the lights in.
15:29Oh.
15:33Why didn't you tell us you were getting married?
15:35I don't know, Dad.
15:36It just happened kind of fast.
15:37How can you know anyone in a month?
15:40Dad, I knew in a minute.
15:42Trust me, Pyama is the one.
15:45She's a little fiery, but she's also kind and funny and completely real.
15:51You just haven't gotten to know the real Pyama.
15:53And whose fault is that?
15:55I know, I know, but that's why I brought her down with me,
15:58so everyone will get to know her.
16:00It wasn't supposed to turn into the apocalypse.
16:04And what about you and Mom?
16:06You got married pretty quick.
16:07Yes, but I was a few years older and I had already been with a lot of...
16:11I had lived a full life.
16:14So you were older.
16:16I just happened to run into the exact right person for me a little earlier than you did.
16:21Once you meet that person, why wait?
16:25Huh?
16:26Why not do it if I'm sure?
16:28Should I not do it because my family's not sure?
16:30It wouldn't matter if the wedding was last week or next week or ten years from now.
16:36You and Mom still would have had a problem with it.
16:38All my life...
16:39I would have come, Francis.
16:41What?
16:43If you had invited me, I would have come.
16:47Really?
16:47I'm sorry.
17:02Didn't I tell you flowers were a great idea?
17:04Okay, we're all set.
17:09You have the Plaza Burger, the Maine Lobster, medium rare porterhouse, large platter of french fries, and a complete dessert cart.
17:21Your parents certainly have interesting tastes in food.
17:24Yeah, they do.
17:25Actually, I'm going to need one of your parents to sign that.
17:31I'll let the tip blank.
17:33Why don't you put in whatever you think is fair?
17:37Bon appétit.
17:40Dewey, your dinner's here!
17:43Here you go, Reese.
17:44Thank you, Malcolm.
17:47So this is what a $24 hamburger looks like.
17:51I thought it would be as big as my head.
17:52Why don't we have a jacuzzi tub at home?
17:57Because that would make us happy.
17:59You know what?
18:00Forget about that place.
18:01Tonight, this is our home.
18:03You got a lobster?
18:04Yes, I think I deserve a lobster.
18:07We all deserve something nice for once.
18:10Whoa, this dinner was expensive.
18:13I wonder what Dad's credit limit is.
18:19Let's find out.
18:22They should be home with the boys soon.
18:38How's your tea?
18:39Fine.
18:45Sugar?
18:46No, thanks.
18:47Thanks.
18:47That's a pretty bracelet.
18:57What kind of stone is that?
18:59Turquoise.
19:00Francis got it for me.
19:03Oh.
19:10How was your flight?
19:12We took the bus.
19:14That's right.
19:14I guess that's what Francis did with the money that I sent him for his plane fare.
19:19Plus the bracelet.
19:22Let's talk about something else.
19:24You know, Francis isn't this group you think he is.
19:27Really?
19:27Did you know he works 16 hours a day at his job?
19:30And he still managed to build a wheelchair ramp for my Uncle Jake.
19:34In fact, he's...
19:35I don't think we should talk about Francis either.
19:37Why not?
19:38He's my husband and your son.
19:40Needless to say, he and I have a very long and complicated history together that I don't
19:45feel like explaining to you.
19:47Admit it.
19:49You don't like me.
19:51I don't even know you.
19:52Well, what would you like to know?
19:56I'm 19.
19:58My mom ran off when I was three.
20:00And my dad kicked me out of the house when I was 14 because I threw out his liquor.
20:04I've been married once before.
20:07No kids, thank God.
20:09And last year, I spent three weeks in jail, but it wasn't my fault.
20:14Will you stop this, please?
20:15You just can't stand for someone in your fancy family to marry beneath him.
20:22What?
20:23Just because I'm not all classy like you.
20:28Classy?
20:29You think I'm classy?
20:31Don't laugh at me.
20:32I'm sorry.
20:33It's just this is a first.
20:35I hate to break it to you, but I am not classy.
20:39Oh, yeah.
20:40You know, I guess what you call class, I call manners.
20:49I came down here hoping to get along with you.
20:54But you're not gonna let that happen.
20:58You might be surprised at what I'd let happen.
21:07So, what's gonna happen?
21:14I don't know.
21:16What is gonna happen?
21:22Good news!
21:23The boys stole my credit card!
21:26All we have to do is call the credit card company and...
21:31I mean, what are they going for?
21:32I'm gonna call my baby and I'll show you my treehouse.
21:34It's about time.
21:46We called for chocolate syrup like 30 minutes ago.
21:49Hello, Malcolm.
21:57Hi, Mom.
21:58Hi, Dad.
22:02Be lit, Vicky.
22:04We'll finish the cost later.
22:05Okay, boys, get your things.
22:11We're going home.
22:13No.
22:14We're not going back there.
22:15Well, you can't stay in this hotel room forever.
22:18What are you gonna do?
22:19Live under a bridge and steal food out of dumpsters?
22:22I don't know, but we're not going home.
22:24We've had it with the way you treat us,
22:26and we've had it with all the yelling.
22:28You are a terrible influence on us.
22:31All you ever do is scream.
22:33And order us around.
22:35There's something wrong with this family.
22:38Families should have some way of communicating besides yelling.
22:42Okay, everybody, calm down.
22:46I understand what you're saying.
22:48I am not going to yell.
22:50I am not going to scream.
22:52We are capable of talking about this without raising our voices.
22:55Now, boys, I want you to understand.
22:59I'm sorry about what happened.
23:02But you have to understand.
23:03I get a little emotional when I learn that my oldest son
23:08was acting like an idiot and throwing his life away.
23:12Now, that doesn't mean...
23:13Stop talking about him like that.
23:21Francis is my heart.
23:25Okay, we're even.
23:34Everyone's fine, and there's no need for escalation.
23:37Isn't it beautiful when things work out?
23:39Yeah, I'd say this has gone pretty well.
23:41I mean, considering we got off to a rocky start,
23:44we couldn't have asked for a better ending.
23:47Get your wife out of my sight.
23:51She called you my wife.
23:57That's progress.
24:03So, Dad's birthday wasn't that bad after all.
24:06He got a new back shaver.
24:07We got to eat cake that was cut by a knife.
24:10And Mom has promised not to yell at us anymore.
24:12Bye, Francis.
24:13Bye, Malcolm.
24:15Have a birthday, Dad.
24:16Thanks, son.
24:18Piyama.
24:19Lois, any time you want to finish our little talk.
24:24I'd like that.
24:26Maybe I'll come for a visit.
24:28Maybe I'll come back down here.
24:31Any time.
24:33Any place.
24:33Uh, yeah, yeah.
24:35Bye.
24:35Bye.
24:38Get back, Bill!
24:39Please!
24:40I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
24:56It's all my fault.
24:58I'll clear my room and do all my homework.
25:01We may want to go back to the old system.
25:04And we'll be right back.