Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 22 Day Care
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00:00Oh, not again!
00:02This baby is gonna kill us.
00:05Oh, Jamie, for the lover!
00:07It's all over the walls!
00:09Boys, it's a level three! Backyard, now!
00:15Oh, my God! How does this kid keep getting out of his diaper?
00:19Damned if I know. I put that one on with duct tape.
00:22Reese, get a mask and a bucket and clean up that wall.
00:24Malcolm, find the old diaper and bury it at least three feet deep.
00:27Dewey, stand by with the garden hose.
00:30Oh, we don't have any diapers!
00:35How did we go through a bonus pack in one day?
00:38Jamie just went all over the towel!
00:40Dewey, here. Give me your pajama top.
00:43Not again! This is my last pair!
00:47We'll get you to the shower.
00:52No, no, no! Wait! Wait!
00:54Oh, God! It's in my hair!
00:57Life is unfair!
00:58Life is unfair!
01:06Yes, I was checking our status at the daycare center.
01:10What?
01:11How do you move down on the waiting list?
01:14Those are juvenile offenses and shouldn't be part of the public record!
01:21Hell, what are we gonna do?
01:24My maternity leave is over. I go back to work tomorrow and we still haven't found daycare for Jamie.
01:30Honey, maybe you'll have to stay out a little longer.
01:34I know money is tight, but we can always stretch our pennies a little more.
01:40This is insane. There is no juice left in there. You are watering down water!
01:46Alright! We're desperate. But there has to be some decent daycare program we can afford.
01:53Now where the hell haven't we looked?
01:59We're joining a church. We don't know anything about these people.
02:03They have the best staffed co-op nursery in town and they'll take care of Jamie for free.
02:07So as far as these people know, we've been practicing members of the Brethren of Calvary for years.
02:12Do you understand?
02:13Why doesn't Malcolm have to be here?
02:15Would you rather be doing his job right now?
02:20Let go! Let go!
02:25What if they ask me to pray? I don't know how to pray!
02:29Look, they only want to meet us. So for the next half hour, as far as you're concerned,
02:33God is the greatest thing in the universe and that's that!
02:37Hello everyone. I'm Pastor Roy.
02:40I understand you want to transfer your membership from the Brethren in Danville?
02:46Yes. We were long time members in Danville.
02:50I didn't know we had a church in Danville.
02:54Well, it's gone now. Bought out by a strip club.
02:59Really?
03:00Well, it's not all nude. It's just topless with tassels, but still.
03:04We just so want to continue to be part of the Brethren community.
03:09Community. I love that word. And our branch is very active. I'm sure the boys will enjoy Bible study.
03:17Oh, I'm sure they will.
03:18And of course, we also have hayrides, retreats, prayer breakfasts.
03:22Daycare?
03:23Daycare.
03:24Really? Lois, did you hear that? They have daycare!
03:27I did not know that!
03:28That kind of service is why we have always been so committed to this church.
03:33That's wonderful.
03:35Have you gone through the precepts of the covenant?
03:38Yes.
03:40Of course.
03:43Love the precepts.
03:45Number three has gotten me through some hard times.
03:48But it always comes back to God, huh?
03:50Yeah, God's pretty neat.
03:56Yeah, he's totally my favorite of all of them.
04:02I promise, I will hire you back just as soon as business picks up.
04:09I've never seen it this slow, Otto. That makes six employees laid off in one week.
04:13It is that festival down at Roswell. All of the tourists are going to see where the UFOs landed.
04:23Our people are losing their jobs because a bunch of idiot tourists think little green men crossed a spaceship down there?
04:30That's ridiculous.
04:32Yeah, they will see nothing down there.
04:34The government put every scrap of evidence in a secret vault 50 years ago.
04:44Is this a news desk?
04:47Listen, I'm out at the Grotto Ranch and...
04:50Oh my God! There it is again!
04:52There's something weird happening in the sky!
04:55I see a light and some kind of craft.
04:58You bring it out here right away!
05:02I suppose it could be out here for another 20 minutes.
05:05But you better hurry!
05:06Hi, Donna! We're here!
05:07Oh, hi, Lois. This must be your little angel.
05:09There, there.
05:11I don't know what got into Jamie this morning. This is so out of the ordinary.
05:25There, there, pumpkin. Why'd you get so fussy?
05:29Well, sometimes even the youngest babies can sense your anxiety on the first day.
05:33Yeah, that must be it.
05:35Uh, I express some breast milk.
05:38Oh my!
05:40I cover up a long line of milkers.
05:42Once these get started, there's no stopping them.
05:45Oh!
05:47This is so unusual!
05:49At home, we forget we even have a baby.
05:52Bye-bye, sweetheart.
05:54We're gonna get along great here, aren't we, precious?
05:57Now, I know a lot of the mothers like to hang around for a while on the first day.
06:03But we think it's...
06:07I'm still waiting for a question, you know what I mean?
06:10What's wrong with you?
06:12You said you wanted to do it yourself after Peter, you crazy old man!
06:16You think you're getting out of every meal or dish?
06:19You're my wife!
06:21Oh!
06:23Oh!
06:25Has it always been this quiet here?
06:28And the best part is, when you play with God, it's always your turn.
06:35And that's why he makes...
06:37What does the T on the wall stand for?
06:40Please excuse me for a minute.
06:42We'll talk about that later.
06:44Hal, I have to meet a parishioner in my office.
06:47Would you mind continuing the lesson?
06:49Or me?
06:50Don't worry, it's just the story of Daniel and the lions.
06:53I'm sure you know it in your sleep.
07:04Okay then, class.
07:06This is a story about a man named Daniel and apparently some lions.
07:16It pleased Darius to set over the kingdom a hundred and twenty princes,
07:24which should be over the whole kingdom,
07:27and over these three officials,
07:30uh, of whom Daniel was first.
07:35When does a lion show up?
07:38Soon, Dewey.
07:39Please, you just have to be a little patient, okay?
07:41Oh!
07:42Oh!
07:43Oh!
07:44Oh!
07:50Uh...
07:52And Darius said to Daniel,
07:57Yea, verily, I smoke you, and I send thee to be thrown into the den,
08:03where soon Daniel was eaten by lions.
08:11I thought God saved him.
08:15Oh.
08:17Well.
08:19Sure.
08:21I was getting to that.
08:22Uh, as it is written,
08:28the lion
08:32dith spit him up,
08:35along with a lamb.
08:37A talking lamb.
08:39And then Darius...
08:40And then Darius...
08:41And verily, it came to pass,
08:44that the big lump in the middle of the boa constrictor
08:48turned out to be the missing ranger.
08:52For as much as the multitudes could still hear his radio saying unto them...
09:01Good night, Darius. Darius, do you read me?
09:04Do you read me?
09:07No need to go up to lover's lane
09:11And come back down all full of shame
09:15I'll smile as I sing the same refrain
09:19Abstain, abstain, abstain
09:24Well, we really shook the rafters, didn't we?
09:29That's why I might call the cops on us.
09:31Yes, Reese?
09:35Is there some kind of loyalty oath I can sign so I can get out of here?
09:39Reese, no one's forcing you to stay.
09:42The only thing keeping you here is that little voice in your head that keeps saying,
09:47Why are all these people so much happier than me?
09:50Now then, as you know,
09:53Mrs. Pitzer, the church secretary, suffered a paralyzing spider bite at last summer's faith retreat.
09:58But out of that tragedy has come these wonderful, inspirational scenes that she paints with her mouth.
10:07Here's Elijah being taken up to heaven in his fiery chariot.
10:14Jonah and the whale, the parting of the Red Sea.
10:17It's a joyful thing to witness the way God has blessed this woman's tongue and teeth.
10:25I don't need no evil weed.
10:30Oh, man.
10:32Keep your crack and your LSD.
10:35I'm snorting something that God gave me and it smells a lot like blood.
10:47Mom, I don't want to go to that class.
10:49You see this paycheck?
10:52I earned this because we have daycare.
10:54Those who earn paychecks get to have an opinion.
10:57Those who don't, go to Bible school.
10:59Hal, three serious diapers on the way home.
11:02We have to burn the car seat.
11:04Dad, talk to her. I don't want to go to this class.
11:08Malcolm, you have to give this church a chance.
11:10I understand it's a little different from what we're used to, but I opened up to the experience and I feel a real spiritual connection.
11:25How's it looking, Hal?
11:26Great.
11:27See, you got the windows framed in.
11:32We all find our own path, our own way.
11:35I don't like the way it feels either, but I don't have any more blouses, you little miracle.
11:44If you could just, for the love of God, stop crying.
11:48Hi, Donna.
11:50Oh, don't tell me Jamie's been carrying on again.
11:53You sure have a high-spirited little one.
11:56Yeah, I guess I do.
11:58Thanks for everything.
12:00All right, dear.
12:01Owen, are you going to be picking up Seth or should he be dropped off?
12:03Seth? Who's Seth?
12:05You're babysitting Seth Richards?
12:07It's been on the schedule for two weeks.
12:10See, Saturday, Lois has Seth.
12:13You don't understand.
12:15I'm one of those people who drops kids off at the co-op.
12:18I don't watch them. I work.
12:20We all take turns sitting.
12:22That's what co-op means.
12:24But I thought this was one of those churches where, you know,
12:27people felt good doing things for other people who don't have to do anything back.
12:34I have to work tomorrow.
12:37I'm sorry, but you're going to have to figure out something else.
12:40Seth, you have got to get out of there!
12:44This is my fort!
12:46I'll be with you in a minute.
12:47I have to admit, I was a doubter, but I guess we're pretty lucky to get a visit from an actual UFO.
13:07Yeah, yeah, but look at me.
13:10I am still shaking from seeing that craft with my own two eyes.
13:16I tell you, they spoke to me telepathically.
13:20There's been another sighting!
13:22The aliens moved down to the Songbird Ranch.
13:26They actually have a piece of landing gear.
13:28What?
13:31No, they don't!
13:33They're lying!
13:35We can't let these people your own safety!
13:38Do not wave at them!
13:40They think our hands are sex organs!
13:43You may start something you won't want to finish!
13:55What?
13:56I love you.
13:58Stop saying that!
14:00Ever since we joined this church, you've been acting really weird.
14:05That's because I'm a different Reese.
14:07I was sitting in Bible class dead, when suddenly, I was awakened.
14:14I'm dedicated to something outside myself now.
14:18Something wonderful.
14:20Now come here.
14:21Can you just hit me like you used to?
14:26I'm just too happy.
14:31It's beautiful!
14:33You painted it and everything!
14:35Welcome home, Hal.
14:37I am so overwhelmed by this!
14:40And I'm not just blowing smoke this time!
14:42You are the best!
14:45Bye-bye!
14:47God bless you all!
14:49It looks beautiful!
14:50Oh boy!
14:51How?
14:52Please!
14:53I love you!
14:54I am so excited!
14:55I love you!
14:57I love you too!
14:58I love you too much!
15:00I love you too much!
15:01I love you too much!
15:03Bye-bye!
15:05Can you still see my 6th of you?
15:06I don't know.
15:36I think you're charging me for your own soda.
15:47Oh, I'm sorry.
15:49That kid has me so frazzled.
15:51I'm going to try.
15:52Where is he?
15:53Lois, for the love of God, are you watching this kid or not?
15:56Where did you find him?
15:57Under her car, sharing his candy bar with a squirrel.
16:01He didn't like it.
16:02He's sick.
16:04Lois, I am trying out a less supportive undergarment.
16:07I can't be chasing this boy all around the store.
16:11Why don't you just leave him in your car like the other bad mothers do?
16:14Mrs. Munson, I want you to release my brother.
16:24What?
16:25Ever since Reese got in your class, he's been really nice to me.
16:30Trust me, it's creepy.
16:32I don't like this church.
16:34Ever since we came here, all I do is think about stuff.
16:38What kind of God makes children think when they're not even in school?
16:43Well, now, see, that is a torment.
16:46But I'm sure he has his reasons.
16:50Yeah.
16:50Like Pastor Roy said, our God's so much bigger and wiser than us.
16:55And trying to see what he's thinking would be like an aunt trying to see what I'm thinking.
16:59Yes, exactly.
17:01But we can trust in his wisdom and we can have faith that he is watching over us.
17:08Like me with the anthill in my backyard, I spent days watching the ants, trying to figure out which ones were good and which ones were bad.
17:16But they all just looked like ants.
17:20So I started smiting all of them.
17:22Well, that's not...
17:23I was smiting them with the garden hose and with lighter fluid and with the lawnmower.
17:28And to be perfectly honest, I think I went a little crazy with the shovel.
17:33Those ants could have been praying to me all day.
17:35I wouldn't have heard them.
17:39There was nothing they could do about it.
17:41But I don't think...
17:43And really, it's the same with us.
17:44There's nothing we can do about anything either.
17:47So why worry about it?
17:50Hey, this is making me feel better.
17:53Well, that's good.
17:55But...
17:56I guess all we can do is live our lives with as much kindness and decency as possible.
18:01And try not to dwell on God standing over us with that giant shovel.
18:05Bye!
18:06That was $50 worth of makeup!
18:16Am I pretty?
18:17No, you are not pretty.
18:18You have caused me an enormous amount of trouble and I've had it.
18:21You hear me?
18:22Seth?
18:24Hi, Mom.
18:25Hi, Dad.
18:26Is he...
18:26Are you from the co-op?
18:28Yes.
18:29Yes, I am.
18:30And I suppose that this might look a little odd, but in my defense, I didn't realize I'd
18:35have to take care of a kid today, a child, a little person.
18:39What are pleasure dots?
18:42Oh, my Lord.
18:43Seth, you come away from that woman this instant.
18:48You did some nice coloring.
18:50What the hell are you doing?
19:20What's that look like I'm doing?
19:21What kind of alien are you?
19:23You don't even glow in the dark.
19:24Get out of here.
19:25You get out of here.
19:26You get out of here.
19:27You get out of here.
19:28You get...
19:29Cal, I had a terrible day with that child.
19:45Oh, honey, I'm sorry I couldn't help you.
19:46Cal, I just got back from an all-day hayride committee meeting.
19:51Do you know there are six different kinds of hay, and they all have their promoters?
19:56Cal, listen to me.
19:58It was impossible at work with that child.
20:01But I kept thinking, I don't have a choice.
20:03I have to do this for Jamie.
20:05And then the parents came, and there was this ugly thing, and then I saw this.
20:10Hey, this is good coloring.
20:15It's baby Moses and the bulrushes.
20:18And I started to think about that story, where the mother has to take her little one and send him down the river forever to be raised by someone else.
20:28And I wanted to be that mom.
20:32Hal, I don't like this baby.
20:36Are you serious?
20:39I know.
20:40It's terrible.
20:41I don't deserve to be a mother.
20:42I'm supposed to be feeling all this perfect motherly love, and it's not there.
20:47It is just not there.
20:49I can't believe you're saying this.
20:51I know.
20:52It's horrible.
20:54You really don't remember, do you?
20:57Remember what?
20:59Honey, you've hated all our babies.
21:02You couldn't stand the sight of any of them for at least two months.
21:07What?
21:07Well, Reese, six months.
21:09But he was a nipple biter, so I didn't blame you.
21:11You told me to leave Francis at the county fair so he could be raised by cows.
21:19Oh, my God.
21:22It's just that you're so tired, and, I mean, this all seems so overwhelming.
21:27But believe me, in a few weeks, you are going to love this baby as much as anyone has ever loved a baby.
21:38Really?
21:39Yeah.
21:43Hey, I don't hear anything.
21:47Where is the baby?
21:48Sleeping quietly.
21:51Been that way for an hour.
21:52Oh.
21:57Oh, my goodness, how precious.
22:03Who couldn't love something like that?
22:08Do we have to keep the painting?
22:12No.
22:14We just have to find an atheist handyman.
22:23Come.
22:24It's time.
22:25It all became clear to me that first day in church.
22:29And now that everything has been carefully prepared, this will be the most magnificent day of my life.
22:37What are you doing?
22:39I plan to float above the clouds and experience a joy that only birds can know.
22:45You're going to fry yourself on a high voltage wire.
22:48I'm not afraid.
22:50I have faith in my vision.
22:52I love you, Dewey.
22:54This is incredible.
23:04I can see the top of Dad's car from here.
23:07I'll miss you at first.
23:09No, I'm as surprised as you are
23:15No, I'm as surprised as you are
23:19No, I'm as surprised as you are
23:24Amazing race, how sweet the taste
23:31That saved a wrench for me
23:36I once was in the lost and found
23:44Was blind but found my keys
23:50My face
23:52The United States government is not happy with the level of interest you've created in this sector
23:58But what's the harm in pretending I'm from another planet?
24:02I mean, all that UFO stuff about abductions and cavity probes
24:05That's all made up
24:07Right?
24:11Yes, there are no aliens
24:14But there are cavity probes
24:18But you just joined us two weeks ago
24:23Believe me, you do not want us to be part of your church
24:27We really don't belong around civilized people
24:32Oh, come now
24:33I'm sure that's just the...
24:35See?
24:51That's exactly the kind of thing we're talking about
24:53That's exactly the kind of thing we're talking about
24:54I'm sure that's just the kind of thing we're talking about
24:55I'm sure that's just the kind of thing we're talking about
24:56That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
24:57That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
24:58That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
24:59That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:00That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:01That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:02That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:03That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:04That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:05That's just the kind of thing we're talking about
25:06That's just the kind of thing we're talking about