Dave & Chuck the Freak ask female listeners to share their experiences of being in prison. And, while Dave is hopeful for some sexy stories, the rest of the show doesn't think it's as amazing as he imagines.
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00:00Well, there is kind of an inside look at what it's like in women's prisons through this next
00:14segment here. And if you are a lady who's been to prison or currently listening to us behind bars
00:20and can reach out, we'd love to hear from you. What is it like for women in prison? We hear from
00:26guys all the time. We have no shortage of men listening who have done time. No, because there
00:32is this self-proclaimed biker chick, Jamie Burgess. She says there is constant sex going on in women's
00:44prisons. It's a different take than what you'd expect. And she appeared on this podcast from
00:52prison. This is what she had to say. All right, guys. So tonight's bird call, I'm here with Jamie.
01:01She's calling all the way in from Topeka Correctional in Kansas. What's up, Jamie? How are you doing
01:08tonight? I'm doing great. And how are you? This is a podcast of a guy who calls prison chicks.
01:14Are you enjoying your night in prison? That's pretty awesome. As much as I can and bored. Very,
01:21very bored. What do you do? Like, what do you do in prison? I think this guy's a perv.
01:26Well, there's not much that we do. If you have a TV, we watch TV. We can crochet. We read.
01:34I read a lot. And we play card games. We cook a lot, too. When does it get to the part where
01:43they talk about sex, Dave? I'm getting there. Relax. This is the most boring. He has 122
01:49subscribers. Oh, my God. I don't even know how you found this. Here we go. The craziest I've
01:54ever seen was literally a five-girl orgy. A five-girl prison orgy. You can imagine.
02:03I bet it is gross. I mean, how much money could these prisons make if they just stick cameras
02:09in there and make an OnlyFans subscription to Topeka Correctional? No, dude, are you kidding?
02:15People would pay for that. Oh, I know that, but it would be, I mean, most prison, female
02:21prison sex is gross. Let's be. Have you seen much of it? How do you know? What are you
02:27basing this on? On people who get arrested. Hot chicks get arrested, too? You have a big
02:32fantasy, Dave. I think we find out what he listens to. Yeah, I mean, it's gross, right?
02:41Sweet. Women in heat, Lisa. Women in heat. It is gross. They all wash the oranges and
02:48the black. How many times have we done, like, a hot or not, and it's someone who looks like
02:54an apricot, and she's not bad. She's not great. She's not bad. OnlyFans. She has a meth face.
03:06I wish. And if they provided toys and all that stuff, they would even make more.
03:12So do you have, do you have, like, self-made toys? Dave, what are you listening to on your
03:18own time? Yes, I do. We can't keep them on us 24-7 or anything. Like, we can keep them
03:23in our room because we do get in trouble if we get caught with them, but. So is it kind
03:29of like the standard, like, rubber glove, ace bandage type deal, or is your toys different
03:36than other? Yeah, pretty much. You just, you, you just made it. But sometimes we get lucky
03:41with the girls that do work release, and they bring in actual toys, and we, it's fun for
03:45until we get caught. So they have, like, classes where they're making stuff, and they make homemade
03:51sex toys. Right, right. Like, dildo craft. Or someone sneaks them inside themselves, and
03:57then it's a communal. Yes, then they pass it around. This is, uh, this one's a little
04:02darker. Ah, Jason. Um, while I was in prison, women would defecate into condoms and then freeze
04:10it, and then use it as sex toys. Imagine how much money they would make on OnlyFans.
04:15That sounds hot. Just for the fact that they were behind bars doing this, and the, you know,
04:24taboo part of it, it would be big. You know it would be big. There would be people that
04:29would watch, but I mean. Yeah, it's a crazy group. It's a, it's a wild bunch. And I feel
04:35like, in the same way that a male prison has, like, a Bubba that runs the show, and they
04:44got a baby. Everyone's, everyone, yeah, I believe they do. I just feel like an alarming
04:50majority of the women look like meatloaf. I didn't eat. Yes. Stop. Yep, I won't do that.
04:58Won't do anything for love. I don't want to think of female meatloaf. I just, you can't
05:05help it. Uh, this woman said, I got sent to the old parish prison in New Orleans. Did
05:11almost a full year there. My first day in, a lady offered me a pack of cigarettes to let
05:19her bathe me. Oh, wow. And hell yes, I did it. Needed them smokes. What are you, uh, I
05:27needed the nicotine, Dave. I needed the smokes. She could bathe me all she wanted. I'm sure
05:37the New Orleans female prison system is full of hot chicks. That is, uh, there's a lot
05:48of fast food, uh, I think before you get arrested, uh, on some of the stuff. Not in prison, though.
05:55No, no, no. It's not all. Honestly, uh, she says, I was in a private prison. It was for
06:01profit. We had actual jobs and people were allowed to make dildos with any supplies that we had
06:06left over from the jobs we did. Imagine. I'd love to see their leftover supply dildos.
06:12Oh my God. I'd love to think of someone as like a real artist. Oh my God. It's like when
06:16the Apollo 13 and they just had all those dildos. They're like, we've got to be, we've
06:23got to rebuild the spacecraft. We've got this and this and this. We've got to build a dildo.
06:27We've got tape, some leftover metal. Get working on it, ladies.
06:30Yeah. Uh, voice changing technology as Anonymous joins us here. Hello, Anonymous.
06:40Hello, brother. Ripcord. Ripcord. You're not a lady. Yes.
06:46No, sir, but I was incarcerated and I had to feed them. Uh, man, they would tell me the
06:51stories and, uh, they would, they'd have a, they'd call rock call and they would get
06:55candies and all this kind of stuff. And they were telling me how they would melt jolly ranchers
06:58into the microwave and, uh, they would form them into dildos and pass them around.
07:02So they were like jolly ranch, melted down candy that would solidify into a penis style
07:09shape.
07:11That's correct, brother.
07:13Wow.
07:13Is this Hulk Hogan?
07:14No, no, no.
07:16Is this the Hulkster?
07:17No.
07:19You got it right?
07:20Yeah.
07:21Uh, Anonymous.
07:23How hot were they?
07:24Oh, you let him go before we did.
07:26I thought you were done with the Hulkster.
07:27Oh, I mean, he had all the inside info.
07:29Oh, sorry.
07:30You had all the inside info.
07:31Yeah, you're right.
07:31I should have kept him.
07:32I just was afraid.
07:33Um, I thank God that was a man because if it was a lady.
07:37Oh, if it was a lady, you could have just booked my case.
07:41You could have just.
07:42Right, yeah.
07:42That would have been like.
07:43Case closed.
07:44Hat off to you, Chuck.
07:45Yep.
07:45Yep.
07:46Hello.
07:46Yes.
07:47I'm calling for president.
07:48Hey, brother.
07:52Stacy here.
07:56Like, uh-oh.
07:57Uh-oh.
07:59Yeah, someone else backed that up.
08:00Had a friend who, uh, they would microwave Jolly Ranchers and they would use the goop to
08:05form Jolly Rancher dildos.
08:06It's very popular.
08:07Huh.
08:09Well, they'd melt too, though, right?
08:11With your body heat and moisture?
08:13I think not.
08:14They wouldn't get hot enough to melt.
08:17I don't think your body heat would.
08:18The more the lady moisture.
08:20Well, I've.
08:20They'd probably put a condom over top of it.
08:24If not, it's what a hell of a.
08:27Yes.
08:27Give me a thousand Jolly Ranchers.
08:29Yes.
08:29One thousand.
08:30One thousand and five hundred Jolly Ranchers.
08:33Two thousand and four hundred and five hundred dollars Jolly Ranchers.
08:36Well, yeah.
08:37Not quite the segment I thought it would be.
08:39No, Dave.
08:40Didn't go as big as big as hot.
08:41No, Dave.
08:42The female prison orgies.
08:43They didn't call.
08:45But that one guy did.
08:47Yeah.
08:48Yeah.
08:48That's it.
08:49Hulk Hogan called.
08:52That's all we got.
08:53Dave's dream.
08:55Hulk Hogan called.