Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 17 Clip Show #2
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00:00Ow!
00:17Ow!
00:26Finally!
00:28All right, you stupid, useless old man.
00:31There's going to be some big changes around here.
00:34Yes, no, maybe.
00:38I don't know.
00:41Can you repeat the question?
00:45You're not the boss of me now.
00:48You're not the boss of me now.
00:51You're not the boss of me now.
00:53And you're not so big.
00:56You're not the boss of me now.
00:59You're not the boss of me now.
01:02You're not the boss of me now.
01:04And you're not so big.
01:08Life is unfair.
01:10Life is unfair.
01:13You're not the boss of me now.
01:14That's no good.
01:21Hal.
01:23Wake up.
01:24It's time.
01:25Already?
01:26The baby's not due for a month!
01:28I told you it wasn't conceived in the elevator.
01:30It was Dewey's Parent Teacher Conference!
01:32There's something in this one. Let's go.
01:35No, Hal. I'm not having the baby.
01:37We said we'd finish making out our will tonight.
01:40Tonight? I didn't agree to that.
01:43Besides, how do you know you're not having the baby?
01:46You're not a doctor. Come on, I'll meet you there.
01:48Hal, I have both sets of car keys.
01:52And I took the seat off your bike.
01:58Why do we have to do this in the middle of the night, anyway?
02:01I will not have the boys see us writing a will.
02:04If they start thinking about a future without us, we'll totally lose control.
02:08I'm telling you, Lois, we are not equipped to deal with these issues.
02:11We get into a giant, stupid fight every time we work on the will.
02:15Hal, last time we tried this was ten years ago.
02:17And it led to a fight!
02:19You called me thin-skinned and overly sensitive.
02:22Hal, you can stall all night, but we are gonna do this.
02:25Fine. I'll get a pencil.
02:31Then we will make a pencil.
02:33Here we go.
02:34Yee!
02:35Now we're gonna do this in the middle of the night.
02:36We have to do this in the middle of the night.
02:37We have to do this in the middle of the night.
02:38There's a new light that's going to be the light.
02:39That's of the night.
02:40Here, we have to finish the circle.
02:41That's kind of the light.
02:42I'll see you on the left.
02:43You can see the light.
02:44Boom!
02:46About this into the morning, right?
02:48There's a nice light.
02:49I will not be feeling you.
02:51I will not be feeling you.
02:52I don't know.
03:22This pencil's too short.
03:31Hell!
03:32Oh, all right.
03:35Just remember, we're not doing this for ourselves.
03:37We're doing this for the children.
03:39What if there was a terrible accident and we had no plan?
03:42Our poor boys would be alone and defenseless.
03:46And I guess you kids really didn't do any major harm, so I've decided to let you...
03:51Okay, tangible assets.
04:10How do we expect to find anything?
04:12We just shove stuff in boxes.
04:14Look, there's a fortune cookie in here.
04:16Wait!
04:16Here's something we already did.
04:18This'll save time.
04:19We already decided Malcolm gets the coin collection.
04:22Great.
04:23What coin collection?
04:25Do you remember that proof set we had hidden in the closet?
04:27One that Dewey found and swallowed all...
04:30Oh, yeah.
04:31That was 500 bucks down the drain.
04:34And not one dime in the strainer.
04:37Whatever happened to the silver tea set?
04:39The boys pounded it into a suit of armor.
04:41Wedding china.
04:43Antique stemware.
04:44Hand-blown crystal butterflies.
04:46Why did we even buy those?
04:48Hell, we have fewer assets today than we did 10 years ago.
04:52We can't be this broke.
04:53We just can't be.
04:55Where are the bank statements?
04:56Right here.
04:58Checks and everything, but you are not going to find anything helpful.
05:01By the way, I would like it noted that I tried to avoid this whole evening because I knew this would happen.
05:08Maybe in the future, you'll trust my judgment.
05:11You spent $300 on sequins?
05:15And bad mistakes
05:19I've made a few
05:24I've had my share of sand kicks in my face
05:31But I've come through
05:34And I need to go
05:35On, on, on, on, on
05:39We are the champions
05:43My friends
05:46And we'll keep on fighting
05:52Till the end
05:55We are the champions
06:02We are the champions
06:05That was for the car
06:08And what about this?
06:11$520 to the hospital for toy extraction?
06:18Live, live, die
06:20Live, live, live, live, die
06:26You know, son, maybe you've been spending too much
06:28Silence!
06:29She's him!
06:38All right, son
06:40I think it's time you goose step off to bed
06:44You're embarrassing me in front of my men
06:49Hell
06:51Why is this still here?
06:55Ow!
06:55Ow!
06:56Ow!
06:56Ow!
06:56Ow!
06:57Ow!
06:58Ow!
06:58Ow!
06:59Ow!
06:59Ow!
07:00Ow!
07:00Ow!
07:01Ow!
07:01Ow!
07:02Ow!
07:03Ow!
07:04Ow!
07:05Ow!
07:06Ow!
07:07Ow!
07:08Ow!
07:09Ow!
07:10Ow!
07:11Ow!
07:12Ow!
07:13Ow!
07:14Ow!
07:15Ow!
07:16Ow!
07:17Ow!
07:18Ow!
07:19Ow!
07:20Ow!
07:21Ow!
07:22Ow!
07:23Ow!
07:24Oh, my God, do you realize how much money we spent sending Francis to military school?
07:39That one we couldn't avoid. He needed the discipline.
07:43No, no, no. We are going to do this until you get it right.
07:49All right, now, once more. With feeling. And...
07:56Candyman! Hey! Candyman!
08:04Who can take a sunrise? Strinkle it with dew.
08:14Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two.
08:18Ooh, Candyman! Candyman can!
08:23The Candyman can!
08:25The Candyman can!
08:27The Candyman can, cause he mixes it with love that makes the world taste good.
08:35Ooh, the Candyman makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious.
08:44Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do!
08:46Talk about your childhood wishes!
08:49You can even eat the dishes!
08:53Ooh! Why would a bank let us keep an account this messed up? There are checks out of sequences.
09:00Look, a check from next year. And this is two different checks taped together.
09:04What difference does it make, Lois? You know better than anybody. We are in the crapper!
09:10You sound like you're blaming me.
09:11Oh, you're blaming me? We both agreed that you would be in charge of the finances!
09:16This may be part of the problem.
09:21Okay. Let's forget about the finances.
09:25Property transferred to the surviving spouse. We can do this.
09:29I think that whoever goes first, the other one is going to want to stay in the house with the kids until...
09:36What?
09:38Nothing.
09:39Why are you looking at me like that?
09:41No, I'm just, you know...
09:43It's always known that you'll die first.
09:51What?
09:51And then I'll commit suicide a few days later. I don't want to live without you, Lois.
09:55What?!
09:56Oh, don't act so surprised. We both know what I'm talking about.
10:00No! I...
10:01You're wishing me dead?!
10:04Why would you say such a thing?!
10:06Oh, and there is no reaction at all to my suicide! Oh, that's a real eye-opener!
10:10What makes you think that I am going to die first?
10:13Honey, you just have that kind of personality. You operate at a very high level of stress.
10:22Are you Aborigines?!
10:24I have had it!
10:27Fire?!
10:29Fire?!
10:30Whose damn dog is this?!
10:33I said, whose damn dog is this?!
10:36This is the property line!
10:39The property line! The property line!
10:43You can't cross the property line!
10:47Come out here and apologize to me like an adult!
10:50Woooooh!
10:53Oh!
10:54That's real mature!
10:58I can't believe that you are wishing me dead and insulting my personality!
11:03Calm down, Lois.
11:05I am just pointing out that I am the far more relaxed... person.
11:10I can fear you!
11:40I just don't let the stress get to me.
12:07I haven't had any special training.
12:09It's just my way.
12:10You are going to pay for this.
12:12Oh, see, that kind of comment doesn't help anyone.
12:15I'm sorry.
12:15I only just learned that I am a human time bomb.
12:19And you're not the least bit curious about how I'm going to do it.
12:22Oh, you are not going to kill yourself.
12:24You can't even rip off your own band-aids.
12:27I happen to be very hairy.
12:29But this is different.
12:31I have thought this through.
12:33It is going to be beautiful and romantic.
12:36And it's going to make everyone forget about your stupid funeral.
12:42Shh.
12:43Stop, boys.
12:47Ow!
12:48Shh.
12:49I can't handle that.
12:50How are you going to kill yourself?
12:52Would you start on me?
12:53Ow!
12:54Stop it.
12:55Shh.
12:57Ow!
12:58How do you like that?
12:59Ow!
13:00Ow!
13:00Ow!
13:01Shh!
13:01Shh!
13:02Ow!
13:02Ow!
13:03Ow!
13:03Ow!
13:03Ow!
13:03Ow!
13:04Shh!
13:04Ow!
13:05Ow!
13:05Ow!
13:06Ow!
13:06Ow!
13:15OK.
13:15I think we both have a lot to apologize for.
13:21I am sorry for pulling your hair.
13:24I'm not proud of the Dutch rub.
13:27Or the ear twisting.
13:29See, we're back on the path to adulthood.
13:31Let's get to work.
13:32I agree.
13:33Let's stop and go to bed.
13:35Hal, sit down.
13:36We're past the worst of it.
13:38OK.
13:39In the event of death of both parents,
13:42who do we want to appoint as a guardian?
13:44My family's out.
13:46Well, they're not going to my family.
13:48Hello!
13:52Ow!
13:54Ow!
13:56Ow!
13:59Oh, jeez.
14:00Shouldn't we have more choices?
14:01Doesn't it seem if we die, there should be more people willing to give our kids a home?
14:11Ow!
14:12Ow!
14:13Ow!
14:14Ow!
14:15Ow!
14:16You want to see a strike?
14:18Malcolm, what are you doing?
14:20Look at me.
14:21I'm the world's greatest bowler.
14:23I care so much about bowling.
14:26Bowling is so important.
14:29Malcolm, come back here.
14:31You want a strike?
14:32You want a strike?
14:33I'll give you a strike.
14:35Here's your damn strike.
14:37Show me.
14:39Let's go.
14:40Ow!
14:41Ow!
14:46Ow!
14:48Ow!
14:49Ow!
14:49Ow!
14:53Ow!
14:54Where is he going?
14:55Oh!
14:56Oh!
14:57The faster we're fallin', we're stoppin' solid, we're runnin' in circles again.
15:02Running in circles again
15:05Just as things were looking up
15:09You said it wasn't good enough
15:12But still we're trying one more time
15:15Maybe we're just trying too hard
15:20When really it's closer than it is too far
15:25Wow, nice!
15:31It was
15:32That was amazing!
15:46Listen, when the kids at school ask you about this
15:49Tell them I got under your bra
15:52Let's do it!
15:53Give them a reason
16:04The suspect appears to be resisting
16:07Oh, looks like they're taking out the pepper spray
16:10Can you hear the drums, Fernando?
16:18I remember long ago
16:20Another starry night like this
16:23In the firelight, Fernando
16:29You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar
16:37I could hear the distant drums and sounds
16:41So bugle calls were coming from a rock
16:46There was something in the air that night
16:52The stars were bright, Fernando
16:56They were shining there for you and me
17:02For liberty, Felipe, Fernando
17:06Though we never thought that we could lose
17:12There's no regret
17:14If I had to do the same again
17:20If I had to do the same again
17:21I would, my friend
17:23Well, there's one bright spot in all of this
17:35We finally agree on something
17:37There's no one to take care of our kids
17:39Are you not going to even mention Francis?
17:44Let's go to bed
17:45No
17:46No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
17:47Why won't you even consider it?
17:50Hell, this is hard enough without you getting us sidetracked
17:53This isn't about Francis
17:55This is about our children
17:56You know what I mean
17:58Why is Francis such a bad idea?
18:01He's working, he's married
18:03He's showing responsibility
18:04Look, I will be the first to admit
18:07That Francis was not the easiest kid for you to deal with
18:10But he has changed
18:12Oh, yeah, big change
18:14He quit school, moved 3,000 miles
18:16And married someone that he knew for exactly 20 minutes
18:19You can't make life decisions on a whim
18:22And be a good parent
18:23A good parent understands that actions have consequences
18:27Lois, we are parents precisely because we can't remember that
18:32You have never been able to give him credit for anything good he does
18:36Good he does?
18:37Like what?
18:38Like
18:38Look, I am not a performing seal, Lois
18:43I can't just bark out a list of good deeds
18:45While you take a bow and throw me a mackerel out of your fanny pack
18:49I can't talk to you when you're hysterical
18:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no
18:52You can't get out of this by playing the My Husband is Crazy card
18:55It didn't work with the airport security screener
18:58And it is not going to work now
18:59I am stunned
19:01That you are even thinking of having him take care of the boys
19:04He's the worst behaved of all of them
19:07I love you so much
19:28Why don't you just admit it, Lois
19:31You have never liked Francis
19:34Is it any surprise why he's been such a mess growing up?
19:38You can't blame the way Francis is on me
19:41You honestly don't see your part in all of this
19:46Parents weekend at the military school
19:48You two got into a sword fight
19:51You dragged him off the field in the middle of a t-ball game
19:55Because you thought he gave you a look
19:57His first words were
19:59You shut up!
20:00Lois, you two have been at each other's throats since the day he was born
20:05He started it
20:10What?
20:11Nothing
20:11No, you said he started it
20:13What does that mean?
20:14Just leave me alone
20:15How the hell can a baby start anything?
20:17I don't know, Hal
20:19It's just
20:20Everything started so badly right after he was born
20:24What, the staph infection?
20:26What does that have to do with anything?
20:28I was stuck in a hospital
20:29Without my baby
20:31Completely isolated
20:33For six weeks, all I could do was lie there
20:36And worry about him
20:37And think about how much he needed me
20:40To nurse him and to hold him
20:43And when they finally let me out
20:45I run home as fast as I can
20:47To take care of poor little Francis
20:48And when I get there, I discover
20:51He's happy
20:53He couldn't care less I was gone all that time
20:56You were taking care of him
20:58He was happy as a clam
21:00I was just an intrusion
21:02Honey, I had no idea
21:05I know
21:06It's wrong
21:08And I know it's creepy
21:10And I can't help it
21:13I'm the worst mother of all time
21:17It's just as much my fault
21:19We've just never gotten this right
21:23We are utter failures as parents
21:26I mean, look at this pigsty
21:29Look at how we live
21:30Why are we bothering even making a will?
21:33All we can leave our children is misery
21:35We are a walking advertisement for forced sterilization
21:40Who are the idiots in Washington that allowed us to procreate?
21:45I mean, this family is an unmitigated disaster
21:50Ow! Ow!
21:54Ow!
21:55Ow!
21:55Ow!
21:56Ow!
21:56Ow!
21:57Ow!
21:58Ow!
21:59Ow!
22:00Ow!
22:01Ow!
22:02Ow!
22:03Ow!
22:04Ow!
22:05Ow!
22:06Ow!
22:07Ow!
22:08Ow!
22:09Ow!
22:10Ow!
22:11Ow!
22:12Ow!
22:13Ow!
22:14Ow!
22:15Ow!
22:16Ow!
22:17Ow! Ow!
22:29You chalked beautiful doer!
22:36Ow!
22:38I hit my hand!
22:42Honey, honey, calm down.
22:44Let me have a look.
22:45It really hurts.
22:46It's bleeding, isn't it?
22:47I know! It's bleeding!
22:49Dewey, what's 19 times 5?
22:50I'm in...
22:51What?
22:5219 times 5. Try to figure it out.
22:55Well, 10 times 5 is...
22:58Count to your St. John's.
22:59St. John's. Pediatric emergency open again.
23:03Okay, Dewey, everything's going to be fine.
23:06Yeah, for Dr. Flannery?
23:08Please tell him my son Dewey got a bad bump on his head.
23:11My husband will meet him at St. John's.
23:13They'll be there in 10 minutes.
23:13Okay, sport. Field trip.
23:16Can I have a box of apple juice?
23:20Oh, all we have is apple cherry.
23:22Of course that's all we have.
23:25We're the worst parents in the world.
23:30I'm sorry, did you just call my wife Wide Ride?
23:34I get it. You gotta make a big show for them.
23:37Now, you are going to get up and I'll pull it out.
23:48Hit him, Dad!
23:49What the worst we got?
23:55Hold this.
23:56Hold my life, please.
24:23Once plain, pure and white.
24:27Once plain, pure and white.
24:34Till you moved with your pen.
24:38Changing moods now and then.
24:41Till the balance was right.
24:45And you decorated my life
24:57By painting your love
25:02All over my heart
25:10All over my heart
25:10You decorated my life
25:16On the heart
25:21On the head
25:22And you dressed up
25:26All over the fortunes
25:28The andes