Comedian Dana Gould on The John DeBella Show
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FunTranscript
00:00back with us once again finally it has been like four or five years since you've been here
00:18all right uh dana gould is how are you i i am well how are you so the last time i was here
00:23you said if you do well we'll have you right back here i am speaking of doing well uh how how are
00:33the girls yeah and it was funny because i went on wikipedia said i wanted to see if there was
00:37anything that i hadn't heard about you recently and it cracks me up because remember you saying
00:41this about it it says dana gould has three adopted children from china yes you know they always have
00:47to put that in there all right that's just that's three adopted children here's here's a here's a
00:52yeah my kids are my kids are great they're they're 9 14 and 16 and at any given moment i love any two
00:57of them um uh but this is a great story about like just kids so my my yes my my kids are are adopted
01:07from china and you know often people would ask like when my uh my wife and i now ex-wife but there's
01:15my ex-wife and my current children um you know people would see us all together and they're like
01:20oh you adopted why did you adopt i was like none of your business i don't go up to people with
01:28biological kids what happened here someone come home early and drop a load of totnug in the baby
01:34bunker what's going on it's none of your business um and so but my my daughters when they were little
01:41or when they're like uh six and eight years old they went to this little horse riding camp
01:44in in uh burbank and i'm picking them up one day from horse riding camp and they're these three
01:50other little uh asian girls there and i go who are those guys and my daughter goes oh they're from
01:56japan their dad's here for the summer and uh and they're just visiting and i went did you do anything
02:01with them today and they went no and i said well you know they don't they kind of kept to themselves
02:05i said well you know tomorrow you should kind of make an effort to include them they probably feel
02:11intimidated by everybody and you know maybe you'll become friends you'll have friends that
02:15live in japan it'll be really cool so the next day i pick them up and i'm driving them home and i'm
02:19looking at my daughters in the rearview mirror and i go how did you go did you do anything with those
02:26kids from japan and sitting in the back seat my chinese daughter goes no they were always off by
02:31themselves that's how i talk about you you can't do that you can't do that to someone else but now
02:48you've got three other kids yes yes my uh my uh my girl i hate girlfriend well she's not a girl the
02:55woman you're dating yeah because woman friend sounds like somebody grandpa has to bring to dinner with
03:00them in case this machine breaks down you know grandpa's coming for thanksgiving but he's bringing
03:06his woman friend because all the food goes through that tube first um she won't eat with us but i want
03:14her in the house so yeah my adult female social companion okay she has two-year-old triplets and
03:21everybody has the same reaction they're not cobras they're just babies but the point of this whole story
03:28is i had never changed a boy's diaper before oh and i don't know if you've ever changed a boy's
03:35diaper or seen an elephant wash itself in the river
03:38but it's the dance i was not prepared for the dancing waters and then and then so i literally he
03:49pees on my head and i turned around to get a rag and but i turned back and he is
03:55un-gently pulling yep and it wasn't like you know absent-minded pocket pool waiting for your uber
04:04it was like who's trying to pull the skin off a serpent and i literally went
04:10i made and i think that's why the three stooges are so popular even still because that noise has
04:18been in our brains for thousands of years that's a lizard brain response like java man out on the
04:25the serengeti watching his kid pull on his junk too hard
04:28and now you have to say honey i'm uh the baby's trying to pull his junk off how do you want me
04:35to play this and he's laughing about it dave and i both have uh sons that are almost two yeah yeah
04:40every every bat it's the funniest thing they're punching it oh yeah it's really pulling on it
04:45yeah and and i'm just like you only get one
04:47and i but what was amazing to me was he had no shame about it at all like he was in the middle
05:01of the room lights on he knew he had about 45 seconds before i got that diaper on he was taking
05:07a genital vacation because i think i was all you are not catholic even at two years old if i was
05:18going to touch my junk i turn off the lights crawl behind the couch i still do that in hotels
05:23let me ask you a question because you know we're a classic rock station we play a lot of beatles music
05:29and i believe you have a theory i'm pretty sure you have a theory about the beatles i do all right
05:35well yeah recently uh steven hawking passed away a couple years ago and i was trying to explain
05:42people were always trying to find an analogy for what he meant to astronomy and science and
05:48and it basically came down to he was the beatles of scientists okay like that is our language where
05:55that's the most successful version you can be of a thing of a thing okay yeah um the role
06:05rolling stones are the beatles of music except for the beatles okay pete townsend was not the
06:19beatles of the who keith moon was the beatles of the who okay so when mick jagger writes about pete
06:29townsend you have to believe him because only the beatles of the rolling stones would know
06:33are you still doing anything with the simpsons are you done with that i'm done no i go back
06:43occasionally and do a voice or something but it's kind of like the mafia they never let you leave
06:47right well dave asked me all right did you ever voice everything on the simpsons yeah yeah yeah do
06:53barney i was buying if you ever hear barney fife on the simpsons it's me yeah he would uh oh he'd
06:58often talk to chief wiggum from the tv there are many ways to do the book i was doing this i was i was
07:05talking about um the the music of language and like and my first bit in comedy i i know my first bit
07:13bit in comedy was andy griffith reciting 1999 okay i i was dreaming when i wrote this so forgive me if i go
07:24astray but when i woke up this morning i could have sworn it was judgment day sky was all purple
07:33there was people running everywhere and that and that would segue into don knots doing super freak
07:40she's a very kinky girl the kind you don't take home to mother and the whole point of that is it has
07:49nothing to do with the joe he's just like those voices sound funny right yeah oh yeah and that's
07:54that's what all of cultural appropriation comes down to it just it it sounds funny but i used to do a bit
08:00about don knots and i did it on my early album that his voice was so identifiable
08:04that he couldn't make crank phone calls i've been looking at you through the bedroom window
08:12is this don knots
08:13the john de bella show i can't bear this any longer i'm leaving classic rock 102.9 mgk
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