Comedian Ralph Harris on The John DeBella Show
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00:00ladies and gentlemen philadelphia's own ralph harris yes better know it better know it better
00:19know it better know it that's right philadelphia's only better know it that's right i had to get out
00:26of here when it snowed man time to go all right now is that what made you leave you know no i had
00:32to leave for the career because you know you can only go but so far right right in your hometown
00:36you know and so i went to new york shut down and the comedy works and then every other club and it
00:43just kept going i was like okay i gotta move further up the turnpike and uh and then new york and then
00:48i did that for about two and a half years and then then la because the acting took over and i started
00:53getting a lot of uh a lot more calls and ended up with a deal and everything that's great yeah my
00:59voice sounds really good i was just saying whatever these settings are i need you to send them to me
01:06yeah i sound like a grown man in this microphone you know jeez i'm sitting there listening to me
01:14i'm like why is this guy bothering to do comedy why does he sound like night time
01:17yeah it's this quiet storm in the morning ladies and gentlemen yes indeed
01:22so so now you haven't been here for on our show for like nine nine years and i'm watching you move
01:32from studio to studio you know so so i'm trying to catch up here are you married yet you know i you
01:38know let me tell you something about marriage uh um i've been close i've been close but never made it
01:43to the church because uh the the thing for me is i i don't mind being in a relationship but
01:50i don't like anybody changing my world around you know like when when i go out on the road for a
01:56weekend and she it was doing my thing and this whole feng shui thing and the next thing i know all my
02:01stuff is in a box in the closet i was like where's my binoculars she said they're they're in there i was
02:05like you put all my stuff in the closet in the box so i just don't know if i want to do that and
02:10then watching my dad become this dude who's wearing velcro shoes my father and he jumps
02:16around to my look they light up i never get lost you know i don't know if i want that life you know
02:21where you gotta you know people always say if you just say yes dear everything works i'm like i don't
02:26even say yes to people in the restaurant i was like no i don't want your choice i want my choice
02:31you know i don't know if i like people eating off my plate just eating all my food and just stuff
02:37like that's like no get your own ice cream i bought this ice cream for me i will fight you
02:41to the death for my ice cream you know so it's things like that that i don't know if i can adjust
02:47to and then you know like i said watching my father uh set up a grill in the snow right come on man
02:52you know my father set up a grill in the house what you doing your mother told me to come out here and
02:57set up this grill i don't even like it this hot dog's gonna be ready in a minute you can tell i said i
03:02don't eat shut up she's coming she's coming she's coming so i came home and actually i was looking
03:07for my dad i said i said where's pop and my mom said he's outside my dad was under the car in two
03:13two inches of snow right and i said what are you doing my father has realized you can get a good
03:17nap if you put that you hike the car up and put that board underneath and i gotta say he said come
03:23under here and i said what are you talking about he said come on so i go into the car he's like you go
03:27ahead and get a nap i will be on watch out for a little while you'd be surprised how fast you get
03:32a nap with that smell of gas oh my god it's the most peaceful rest i've ever had most peaceful rest
03:38i've ever had but so you haven't gotten married have you been engaged i've been engaged um three i think
03:44four times i ain't sure different women yeah oh yeah same ring but um you know all you do you just
03:51trick it out a little bit you know take a couple stones out you know but uh i actually got to the point
03:57where i bought loose diamonds man i bought some loose diamonds at some wholesale place and i put
04:02them in because i always like james bond movies so i put these loose diamonds in a safe deposit box
04:06right so i just recycle those diamonds anyway they don't know so uh as long as they don't meet each
04:11other and they go oh i i remember that setting no you don't get away from me you know but uh but but
04:19the engagement thing is cool until you uh until they because everyone always says i don't want a big
04:25wedding i just want something small and simple but the minute you put the ring on then you start
04:30seeing all these wedding books and all this stuff around so we went to this one place and and they
04:34said that each plate of food you got you pay per plate yeah i never knew that right right so i'm like
04:39uh it came out to like 48 dollars per plate okay and she was at first she was like 15 people i'm
04:46thinking i'm doing the math and my 15 people cool by the time she starts getting those magazines
04:51she had 160 people on her list and she said to me so you keep you still keeping yours at 15 right
04:57i was like what i don't even like people i don't know 15 people i want to pay 48 dollars to eat
05:06we can go to this chick-fil-a get some nuggets and just keep on going i don't even like people like
05:11that what are you talking about i don't want to be paying for a wedding two years after the wedding
05:15or maybe 10 i know a guy paying for his wedding now he got married 10 years ago he's still paying
05:21that thing off he gets it he gets the loan deferred i'm like you crazy bro you turn her in and get
05:27more off of her you just come on man upgrade what are you doing i don't know just don't come home one
05:33day that's all you got to do just keep going yeah people gonna talk but you ain't even gonna see
05:37those people no more just be out in the wilderness man i like the wilderness i don't care
05:42well hang on hang on a black man who likes coming out in the wilderness i like the wilderness come
05:47on but you know i ski i snowboard okay all right you guys talked me into that stuff way back in this
05:52in the 80s and i was like black people don't do that and then i got out in the world and realized
05:56what black people were missing y'all were trying to keep it to yourself
05:59y'all were trying to keep it to yourself i'm out there doing it all i'm tiger woods baby
06:04i got i got country club memberships and everything they ain't mine i just found some ideas
06:09i'm in a lot of clubs now i'm in a lot of clubs i'm trying to tell you bro i'm serious this is this
06:18is why this is why white people don't talk to black people about hockey you notice it's working right
06:21what do we got one guy we got one guy but but we actually loaned you guys we loaned you that guy
06:27we loaned you that guy you all they do one black guy what every 10 years and then the other black
06:34guys who are playing we we got them to you know they're light enough that you can't tell who they
06:38are you just don't know we got them in there and if they're a goalie
06:42you ain't never gonna know oh we got 20 goalies in the nhl
06:49you just don't know ralph
06:53these are real people in here incredible talent incredible variety like never seen on any other
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