Comedian Christina P on The John DeBella Show
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FunTranscript
00:00already complaining me yes you i was complaining no i was curious who that was which one the
00:20artist that we just played oh she was curious as to who was singing that day elton john i did not
00:24know that i listen to terrible music i'm not a hip hop i'm stuck in the 90s i'm stuck in alternative
00:3280s punk yeah good morning welcome thank you for coming in thanks for having me oh oh yeah oh yeah
00:40you've got video cameras all around you and i everywhere you turn i look great you wore your
00:45best hoodie i did i wore my best hoodie thank you for noticing and my sweatpants they're very very
00:50nice thank you well you just had you just had your second child i did can you believe it i don't
00:55know what i was thinking i went back for seconds i have a five month old and a three-year-old boy
01:00two boys okay and i'm exhausted all the time like there's some days i'm walking the dog and i can be
01:06like i'll just keep walking i just gotta i can go away right i can just run away but i know i love
01:13them do you have children uh yes i have a little boy one 34. steve and i recently became fathers
01:22and we have kids under two oh brutal so you look like me yeah say it again two in january and he'll
01:28have a two-year-old march i actually did the head bob on you know when you fall asleep i did it on
01:32the tub the other night while i was washing my son i had to catch myself before i basically faced
01:37into the ivory in front of him is he talking yet oh yeah a little bit yeah yeah a couple words here
01:44and there sent in small sentences bourbon that's fun i can say bourbon you can say vodka check my
01:48instagram yeah it's it's sort of strange that these are the first words he's learning yeah my
01:53favorite is uh my older son sees me pumping my boobs and then he goes big boobs big boobs
01:57you know and also the his school you know he goes to preschool three three days a week and the
02:05teacher goes you know your son doesn't like playing uh with everybody i go good why should
02:10he thank you he's smart yeah thank you i taught him to be anti-social like his mom good well are you
02:17really anti-social or are you really anti you better get ready you two millennial oh how dare you
02:24i know i'm not i'm not anti-millennial i do think there is some it's some nonsense with the social
02:30justice warrior stuff let's be honest right you know it's getting if you're heard of um transracial
02:36yes trans rachel i know it sounds like transgender it's not see look at the millennial shaking her
02:40head she probably has a class on she does she's taking a class oh you are okay yeah oh god uh like
02:46rachel dolezal have you heard of she was born white right right she was born white but she believes
02:51she's black yeah right so she's transracial which is great and her parents outed her essentially
02:57right and i'm like you really have to think something's up because even the unabomber's mom
03:03was like well boys will be boys and you know what i'm saying that's crazy that doesn't slow me down
03:12no no i noticed i know it's in the mother inferior thank you special and the degenerates i have a
03:17second a half hour really what is that on netflix also it certainly is i was eight months pregnant and
03:23i did it in las vegas i was out of my mind what's it like being sober in vegas you were probably the
03:29only person there that was vegas is the grossest place on earth you've been drunk i hated it there
03:34yeah it's the worst you like me i mean i've never been there sober so i figured it might be a little
03:39different so nasty yeah no it's not different it still sucks okay are you a drinker
03:46other than coffee at the moment i mean you know like a red wine i'm a mom so like two glasses of
03:52pinot grigio and i'm wasted what's happening i don't even know well now we know how segura got her
04:00my husband's the best isn't he great yeah he is he really is i love him we're so romantic we've
04:07been married for 10 years and yeah i'm not up on my segura christina p yeah yeah and um but together
04:15for 14 and the other day we finished uh making sweet marital love and he rolls over and he looks
04:22at me he goes you know i didn't fart that whole time
04:25and i'm like you're not supposed to and he goes but i had to and i held it in and that's respect
04:34and i go do you even see me as a woman anymore where is this going are you married yes how long
04:43uh 21 years what's the secret um have your own office
04:48go away that's it that's it i you know i when when when we first started living together my
04:58father-in-law my wife wanted my office to be in the basement and i don't want to be in the
05:02basement i want to be up here in the house i want to be on my father-in-law goes
05:04take the basement was he asian
05:08johnson he taught you karate no but he had what he had an office in the basement he says believe me
05:22this is where you want to be yeah and he was so right that's so true because my husband does that
05:28he has a like a dad den and now he's building an office away from the house i'm like you're just
05:34trying to get away from us the answer is yes but i guess that's a secret do you are you hiding
05:41from your wife uh pretty much yeah i have a james bond room so yeah he has a james bond room
05:45filled with manly things yeah filled with what thing manly things like what booze guns james bond
05:52james bond stuff did you hear that they want to make james bond a lady it's not james bond
05:57they want to do everything to james bond but keep him james bond right i agree like just make it
06:03a different thing maybe right right why don't don't call it that right exactly am i not progressive
06:09enough millennial is that what it is i don't know i'm horrible but but but as as a as a drinker
06:19and as a well you well is is oh you're not i do nothing for fun as an origin alcoholic yeah yeah
06:25who's small children has fun my life is over what are you talking about it's misery it's suffering
06:32motherhood is suffering so what happens when you go on the road where's where's the format though
06:36yeah i just put him in a crate
06:37is that what you and then it's got i got a water dispenser and he licks it
06:43like a hamster no my husband stays home we take turns we're never out at the same time oh that's
06:50great yeah you know because i i believe that's what society is moving towards is more equality in
06:56parenting you know my husband is totally capable of changing a diaper are you kidding me these two
07:03are the most spectacular dads i've ever encountered mr mom yeah yeah people are like well your husband
07:08helps i'm like but he's not some dumb 1950s sitcom dad you know men have men have domesticated fire
07:17and invented quantum mechanics i'm sure they figured out that elusive diaper change situation right
07:22right you're not some dope i can do i can even oil change tire change all right that's it your mind
07:28all right all right clothes change doesn't happen much but all those other changes now do you let
07:33your wife in the james bond room or she chooses not to yeah yeah yeah she knows what goes on in that
07:38room yeah what goes on it's not using uh sticky tack to hang those pictures
07:43you've done one of my secrets that is so nice some things christina p is appearing tonight for
07:52two shows at uh punchline of philly you can get tickets by going to punchlinephilly.com or 215-606-6555
07:59and watch the video she's touching her boobs a lot sorry yeah yeah she's been the entire show
08:04adjusting her bra they're just you know what i'm breastfeeding so they're these are not boobs
08:09anymore these are just mushy purple big aretha franklin size mess they're not even sexual
08:16i'm not a woman the john de bella show this kind of music could get me pregnant classic rock 102.9 mgk