Comedian Craig Gass on The John DeBella Show
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00:00Craig Gass, right? That's your name? Craig Gass?
00:15I think it is, Craig Gass.
00:17Craig Gass? Craig Gass.
00:17I think it is, yeah.
00:19I could be anybody you want.
00:21We're on the radio, so you could say,
00:22Ladies and gentlemen, tonight through Thursday, Tracy Morgan.
00:25Hey, what's happening?
00:26Dude, I want to put a baby on your butt.
00:30That's crazy.
00:31That is crazy.
00:32Have you ever had Tracy Morgan on your show?
00:34Only on the phone.
00:36He was never in the studio, but only on the phone.
00:39I used to write for Weekend Update,
00:40and I have a million stories about Tracy,
00:43and my favorite was doing a show at Caroline's
00:46opening for Dave Chappelle in 2001
00:49when an agent walked up to me and said,
00:52Did you hear about that party last weekend?
00:53And I said, Did I hear about what?
00:54And he goes, Did you hear about that party last weekend?
00:55And I go, What party?
00:56And he goes, Tracy Morgan had a party that turned into an orgy.
00:59What?
01:00Turned into an orgy.
01:01We're standing around with our suits on,
01:02and there's naked people.
01:05And then Tracy Morgan comes around the corner,
01:07takes off all his clothes, and starts jumping in.
01:09I go, What?
01:09Get out of here.
01:10What was this?
01:11And he goes, Last Saturday night.
01:12Right at that moment, Tracy Morgan walks around the corner.
01:14I haven't seen Tracy in probably a year at this point.
01:18And I went, Tracy!
01:20I heard your party was messed up, man!
01:24And Tracy rolled over, and he just eyeballed me.
01:28It was crazy.
01:31It was crazy.
01:32You know what's crazy about it, Craig?
01:34When you get off on my floor, you don't even hear nothing.
01:37You don't hear nothing at all.
01:38Then you start walking towards my apartment,
01:40and you still don't hear nothing.
01:41Then I open my door, and there's buttholes and toes everywhere.
01:50Buttholes and toes?
01:52And he looked at me and he went,
01:53Yeah, some of them toes were in the buttholes.
01:56And he walked out of the room and I went,
01:57Wow, that is the craziest thing.
02:01Check the podcast if you want to hear that last year.
02:02Yeah, check the podcast.
02:03I'm sorry.
02:04I think I pushed just a little bit.
02:06You know what?
02:07I'll tell you what.
02:07And believe it or not, what I just said
02:09is the censored version of that story.
02:12Oh, my God.
02:13Yell out Tracy Morgan
02:14at the brand new Howie Mandel Comedy Club
02:17tonight, tomorrow, or Thursday,
02:19and I'll tell you the uncensored version of Tracy Morgan.
02:22Now, are you planning on bumping into John Brasier from the Phillies
02:26because you have your Pearl Jam shirt on?
02:28I didn't realize that they are now a city in Seattle.
02:31Yeah, they just did a couple nights in Seattle.
02:35My friend Mike is the guitar player for Pearl Jam,
02:37and I hung out.
02:38He's actually on my comedy special.
02:40I did a comedy special called
02:41The Worst Comedy Show Ever.
02:43And Mike McReady shows up on the comedy special
02:47to show me how much better his life is than mine.
02:50Okay.
02:50And it plays really well.
02:52But what's crazy is that all the guys,
02:54I do impressions of Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons.
02:56All the time.
02:57That drives the guys in Kiss crazy.
02:59And the guys in Pearl Jam are huge Kiss fans.
03:04And Mike introduced me to his drummer,
03:06and we told Kiss stories for an hour.
03:10Do all bands have Kiss stories?
03:12Well, Matt Cameron has a very interesting Kiss story.
03:15When he was 15 years old,
03:17he formed a cover band with his friends.
03:21He formed a Kiss cover band.
03:22All right.
03:22And they called themselves Kiss.
03:26What?
03:26And they're 15 years old,
03:29and they would do,
03:30once a month,
03:30they'd play at a friend's house,
03:32and they'd pass flyers around school.
03:34Uh-huh.
03:35This Friday,
03:35at John's house,
03:37Kiss!
03:398 p.m.,
03:40and they'd have John's address on there,
03:42and then all the kids would show up
03:43at 8 o'clock,
03:45and then they'd come out as Kiss.
03:46And one day,
03:47Matt gets a letter in the mail
03:49from Casablanca Records,
03:52which is Kiss's record label.
03:54And the first thing that Matt Cameron thinks is like,
03:56oh my,
03:57we're getting signed!
04:00We're getting signed!
04:02Called people up,
04:03come over while I open this.
04:04All his friends go,
04:05okay,
04:06we're gonna open it together.
04:07You ready?
04:07They open it up.
04:08It's a cease and desist.
04:10From Kiss!
04:11He's 15 years old,
04:13and he's getting a cease and desist from Kiss.
04:15He still has the letter.
04:17Oh, God.
04:18I hope it's framed.
04:19Yeah.
04:19I mean,
04:20I love,
04:20it reminds me of a story
04:22that a buddy of mine
04:23who works with the Eagles
04:25told me once,
04:26and I thought this story was so...
04:27You're talking band,
04:28not football team.
04:28Yeah,
04:29the band.
04:30And he had this story
04:32that I ran into a buddy
04:34who I found out played drums for,
04:36Brian Wilson.
04:37Did I ever tell you
04:38that Brian Wilson story
04:39with Don Henley?
04:40I don't think so.
04:42When I first heard the story,
04:43it was too good to be true,
04:45and a week or two later,
04:47I ran into a buddy of mine
04:47named Todd Suckerman
04:48who plays,
04:49he plays drums for Sticks,
04:51and someone mentioned,
04:52you know that guy
04:53who played for Brian Wilson?
04:54And I go,
04:54you played for...
04:55Todd,
04:56I just heard a story.
04:57I can't even believe
04:59this is true
04:59about Don Henley,
05:00and he said,
05:00oh, about the autograph?
05:01Yep,
05:01it's true.
05:02I've seen it.
05:02Apparently,
05:03Don Henley is the biggest
05:05Beach Boys fan
05:06in the world.
05:07Okay.
05:08And he found out
05:09that Brian Wilson
05:10is doing an art exhibit
05:11in Los Angeles,
05:12so Don Henley grabs a copy
05:14of the first album
05:15he's ever owned,
05:16which was
05:17Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
05:19Okay.
05:19To go and meet Brian
05:21and get the album autographed,
05:22he shows up at the art gallery.
05:23If you don't know anything
05:24about Brian Wilson
05:25from the Beach Boys,
05:25Brian is off.
05:26Yes.
05:27Yeah,
05:28he had some problems
05:30early on,
05:30and then drugs
05:31made them even worse.
05:33And he's very off,
05:34and socially,
05:35he's very awkward,
05:36apparently.
05:36Yes, yes.
05:37So Don Henley walks in
05:38with a buddy of mine
05:39who is a guitar tech,
05:40and the guitar tech
05:40witnesses this exchange.
05:43Brian,
05:45Don Henley,
05:46Eagles.
05:47And he goes,
05:47oh, yeah.
05:49Okay, sure.
05:50Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:52Sure, sure, sure.
05:53And Don's trying to have
05:54a normal conversation
05:55with Brian Wilson,
05:56it's not going anywhere,
05:58and Don finally goes,
05:59all right,
06:00hey, listen,
06:02do you mind,
06:02this is the first album
06:03I ever purchased,
06:04would you mind,
06:05and he goes,
06:06sure, sure,
06:07you got something
06:08I can sign with?
06:09He goes, yeah, yeah,
06:09and he gives him the Sharpie.
06:11Brian Wilson grabs the album,
06:13grabs the Sharpie,
06:14looks at Don,
06:15and then writes,
06:17to Don.
06:20Then looks back
06:21at Don Henley,
06:23looks back down,
06:24thank you.
06:26for all
06:27the great
06:30music,
06:32and then slows down,
06:34thinks about it,
06:35looks over at Don,
06:37scratches off the word
06:38great,
06:38and writes,
06:39good,
06:40and then signs his name,
06:43there you go,
06:44and walks away.
06:47Wasn't trying to be a jerk,
06:48he just is that awkward,
06:50he just realized
06:51halfway through,
06:52you know what,
06:52not,
06:52I mean,
06:53not great,
06:53I mean,
06:54you're not a beach boy,
06:55you're not a beach boy,
06:56you're good,
06:57you're good,
06:58you're good,
06:58but Don Henley found it so funny,
07:01that he framed it,
07:03and it's in his living room,
07:05so when you mention,
07:06like,
07:06you take the cease and desist,
07:07and you frame it,
07:08Don Henley apparently,
07:09has this awkward autographed frame
07:13in his house,
07:14but one thing that's happened
07:15since the last time I saw you,
07:17that you don't know about,
07:18is I finally auditioned
07:20for Saturday Night Live
07:21for the first time,
07:22wow, that's great,
07:22and,
07:23yeah,
07:23well,
07:23hey,
07:24it's,
07:25I'm in Atlantic City,
07:26so it's not,
07:26I didn't make SNL,
07:28but I'm doing good,
07:29I'm doing good,
07:30because I'm in Atlantic City,
07:30I'm at the brand new
07:31Hard Rock Casino tonight
07:32through Thursday,
07:33but Dana Carvey,
07:35former cast member of SNL,
07:37helped me with my audition,
07:38That's great,
07:39and,
07:39when will you know?
07:41They sent me a note
07:42through a manager,
07:44saying,
07:45cease and desist,
07:46you can work that in tonight,
07:52Craig.