Comedian Greg Warren on The John DeBella Show
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00:00it's been five long years greg warren the last time you were here you were living in new york
00:19in the city yeah i was all right and now you moved back home to st louis st louis yeah yeah
00:23well it's centrally located for getting around the country it's where i grew up it's where my
00:28family is and it's i loved in new york but it was uh yeah i mean you guys obviously have been that
00:33you know there's crazy people uh in what in new york yeah i mean like you know in in st louis there's
00:40crazy people usually you're in a car and they're not you know where it's like uh you gotta share in
00:45new york yeah you gotta share like uh i like like the last week i was there this lady just walked
00:50on the subway and she started singing uh she was not a singer okay this was her song
00:57all i want for christmas is a fish sandwich all i want for christmas is a fish sandwich
01:06all i want for christmas i was like come on lady we're in public here guess what song has been
01:14stuck in my head for the last three years i can't get that woman should not be homeless she's a hit
01:19maker okay like she may be one of the greatest lyricists of our time i've heard 11 taylor swift
01:25songs i don't know the words i know all the words to fish sandwich and and guess what nobody's
01:32wondering what to get her for christmas you know that one woman that rides a train i wanted to get
01:37her a gift but i just don't know what dude she wants a fish sandwich you gotta listen to the lyrics
01:42you're getting caught up in the beat man
01:44here's here's new york this is new york uh my impression of new york i i got some luggage when
01:52i was there okay and it was like roller bags yeah sure canal street yeah yeah yes yes yeah of course
01:58yeah that you pull behind you and the handle broke off so i had to pick it up and i had to carry it
02:03and i was walking through the city and i passed this guy and he goes hey it's got wheels
02:09you don't have to carry it he thought i was that dumb and he was that smart like in his head he was
02:17like i see things that other people don't see i have a gift i gotta share the gift he said that he
02:23says got wheels i said thanks man i didn't know what those things were for this is gonna make riding
02:29my bicycle a lot easier one day one day i walked outside and there's this guy out there and he's
02:38just he's just yelling at this cab driver just give you hey hey pal hey pal that's a lady she's a lady
02:44you get out you open the door for her she's a lady i don't know how they do things in your country
02:50he said that he combined uh racism and chivalry he was uh i guess a chival racist i i never met
03:00one before i assume he came up during the chival rights movement but i don't know you know it was a
03:05different time back then uh i don't know now now the last time you were here you did a bit uh that
03:15that david and i were talking about and to this day if i hear this bit and we've run it a couple of
03:19times in in best of specials oh you did you did you did a a bit about about eating alone in a
03:25restaurant and to this day if i hear that bit i laugh just as loud as i did the first time i heard
03:32it it is it's one of those bits that we talk about right and have been talking about for years so i
03:37i still have uh battles with the restaurant my latest i don't like it i don't like it when they
03:46tell you how many sides you can have you know i go to places like hey uh i'll take this salmon
03:51and i want a baked potato and i want to sir you you only get one side i i get however many sides i
03:59say i get i'm a grown man all right i i decide the sides i'm the side decider i i i i know i don't look
04:07like i got a lot of money but i can afford some sides all right here's a 50 you keep the sides coming
04:12i i want them all i want them all twice i want a baked potato twice and i'm not talking about a
04:17twice baked potato i i'll make it rain sides up in here i i want rice pilaf and between me and you
04:25guys i don't know what rice pilaf is i i really don't i uh i went to five different restaurants and
04:32i ordered rice pilaf and it was different at every restaurant completely different i i googled it i looked
04:37it up very loose definition from what i can tell rice pilaf is rice with anything else you want to
04:44put in it anything you know sometimes you drop your phone in the toilet and you got to put it in rice
04:50to dry it out technically that's right that's right that's right that's right that's right
04:56it is that's a uh that's a pilaf it is i think pilaf the definition that word just means and and
05:05whatever you know and whatever like i'm not i'm not the most uh careful dresser i i put on uh these
05:12jeans and then you know some shirts so my my wardrobe is what do you wear great i wear a jeans pilaf
05:19that's that's what i wear yeah yeah so what's it like living back in in your hometown i mean
05:30you know all those years in new york it's great man it's it's uh i love it um i have a lot of gigs
05:36in the midwest okay and uh i belong in the midwest i think it's uh i don't know i was in iowa recently
05:41and uh you know that it's uh sounds like a stereotype but there were a lot of farmers in the crowd
05:47and i i asked this guy i go hey what do you farm and he goes uh beans and i said like green beans
05:55and the whole place started laughing at me like i was the dumbest person he thinks we go green beans
06:00and i will oh that's a good one there green bean green beans and i will this fella is a comedian
06:05it was soybeans all right it was soybeans i didn't know i didn't know all right by the way green beans
06:11that's not that ridiculous of an answer that that's a real food i've eaten them before
06:16i didn't say jelly beans all right i said i said a real food i don't know what the crops look like
06:23i don't know one plant from another point i mean i know corn don't get me wrong i know corn you have
06:28to in iowa yeah i do and corn well apparently you're supposed to know soybeans too but i mean i could
06:33pick corn out of a lineup i just i just feel like you know you should be nice to people when they don't
06:39know something especially if they're a guest in your community that i mean i live in the suburbs of
06:44st louis i hope one of those farm guys comes to the suburbs sometime maybe i won't be so nice to
06:49him you know i'll take him to do some you know suburb stuff or whatever i'll take him to like the
06:54texas roadhouse or something he'll be like where's the ball for the peanut shells you throw them on the
07:00floor dummy you stupid bean picker you don't know what to do in the suburbs you hey see
07:07so i i told that story recently in another farm community i guess somewhere in the midwest i think
07:17it was illinois and this lady comes up to me after the show and she goes hey don't feel bad about the
07:22beans she goes i'm a farmer she goes i met this guy the other day he didn't know the difference
07:27between field corn and sweet corn what what a dummy you guys know how i said uh earlier that i knew
07:42corn i i don't i know there's two different kinds there's i mean i was like yeah two kinds there's
07:48on the cob and not not on the can yeah not yeah yeah yeah no it's field and sweets uh and uh so
07:56field corn is like uh what they grind up and they make into some sort of corn and they feed it to the
08:03cows and stuff like that you know that's actually most of the corn that they grow sweet corn is what
08:07what we eat and it's actually it's pretty simple because field corn is grown in a field whereas
08:14sweet corn is grown in a field so it makes it makes uh it makes perfect sense you know and i was at
08:23this um i went to this restaurant and uh in iowa and on the uh on the menu uh it said um we we make
08:31our own ketchups they were bragging about their i've never gone to a place you know seeking out
08:38their ketchups i like honestly between us i uh i i don't know i don't think i
08:44knew that ketchup was made i think i thought it was an element i i i i thought that was k on the
08:50periodic table it turns out that's that's potassium which makes no sense there's not a k in that word
08:56now you're gonna tell me ra is not for ranch whatever why don't you take a science class or
09:00something and i tried john i tried the ketchup and uh it was better their homemade ketchup it was
09:06not good now granted it might have been field ketchup but i don't know
09:13not good now
09:19long
09:25you