nobody's house episode 7
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00:00🎵
00:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
01:00Look, nobody, I'm trying to work. What for? It's my homework. What's that? Schoolwork.
01:10I thought you said it was homework. It is, but it's schoolwork. What kind of schoolwork?
01:14Homework. Doesn't make no sense, though. Oh, shut up. Hey, did I tell you about Nosy Nell?
01:18Aye, well, Nosy Nell, she had a snout as long as a banana. That's how she got her name, see.
01:22It was so long it turned corner before she did. Yes, you did tell me about Nosy Nell.
01:27Can I get back to my homework now? I'm not stopping you. I'm trying to be friendly.
01:31I'm trying to get my conversation right. But if I'm not wanted...
01:35You're not normally, now push off. Right, if that's the way you want it.
01:39What are you doing, Julie? Oh, nobody, what do you want?
01:56What's all that you've got then? It's my ballet practice. Mind out, I can't see properly.
02:09All right, what's so funny? It does look daft, that. Is it some sort of a game?
02:13No, it is not some sort of a game. It's ballet. Dancing. Dancing, that? I've seen a pig do it better than that.
02:20Well, thank you. I didn't ask your opinion, so just buzz off. That's saying what? It's a right laugh?
02:24No, you can't. Go away. I'll just sit up quietly. You'll do nothing of the sort.
02:33Now go away, I'm busy. You mean you want me to go?
02:38Won't you stop pestering me? That's what he said. All I want to do is sit here.
02:42Well, I don't, so go away. All right. You'll be sorry. I don't need you to play with.
02:47I can go have fun elsewhere. You'll see, you'll be sorry.
02:55Oh, yes, it's nice. Very nice. One of a pair.
03:01They don't make things like this nowadays, do they? All that plastic rubbish.
03:08Oh, yes. Very nice. I'll get the other one.
03:14There, you can see by the markings on the bottom that...
03:18It moved.
03:20Sorry? It moved.
03:23Turned right round.
03:26On the figurine? I told you. It's the ghost.
03:32I don't think so. I think it's just that...
03:37They always said this house was haunted, and now I know. I've seen it for meself.
03:41Oh! Oh, yes!
03:51What on earth?
03:55Darling?
03:57Nothing. There's nothing there.
04:02Darling?
04:04Nothing. There's nothing there.
04:07Did you expect there to be?
04:09It's got to be. It's a trick otherwise.
04:12I'm not mad, darling. Let's go have a cup of tea. I'll tell you what happened.
04:22Yes, I suppose it is possible.
04:25There have been some rather strange things happening here since we arrived.
04:29We've always put it down to imagination in the past, but it's different this time.
04:33I saw it quite clearly this time.
04:36Yes, darling, I believe you.
04:38That figurine just floated in the air.
04:46The point is, what are we going to do about it?
04:49We can't just ignore it, can we?
04:52Why not? No harm's been done. Yet.
04:55Don't get melodramatic, darling. So what if we have got a little poltergeist?
04:59I've heard it can be malicious, dangerous even.
05:02Don't be silly. All we have to do is ignore it, behave as if nothing had happened.
05:06It's only a spirit, after all. It can't hurt us.
05:09It can move objects. Yes, well...
05:12You still don't believe I saw anything, do you?
05:15Well, it could have been a trick of the light or...
05:25There. You see?
05:28You see?
05:34No!
05:36Oh, no! Please!
05:38Oh! Oh!
05:40Oh! Oh!
05:42Oh! Oh!
05:44Oh! Oh!
05:46Oh! Oh!
05:48Oh!
05:50Oh!
05:56Oh, Richard!
05:58Oh!
06:00Oh!
06:02Oh!
06:04Oh!
06:06Oh!
06:08Oh!
06:10Oh!
06:12Just throw it! Throw it!
06:14Quiet, quiet, quiet.
06:26It could just as easily have picked up a pan of boiling water or a knife or something.
06:31The children!
06:33No, it hasn't really done any harm yet, darling.
06:36I mean, I'm sure it's best not to frighten them.
06:40Oh!
06:45Tom? Tom?
06:48Yes? Ah.
06:50Something wrong?
06:52Er, no, no.
06:54What's wrong with Bully?
06:56It's, er...
06:58No disturbances?
07:00No.
07:02How's the homework going?
07:04Fine, fine, darling. Is Mum home?
07:06Yes, she is.
07:08Well, can I...?
07:10No, I'll call you when she's ready.
07:14What sort of funny things, Mummy?
07:16Oh, nothing, nothing. I just wondered...
07:19How's the dancing going?
07:21Been practising, have you? Such a good girl.
07:26What's going on?
07:28Nothing. Nothing at all.
07:30Tea'll be ready soon.
07:32Yes, tea'll be ready soon.
07:38Don't forget to turn the record player off, darling, will you?
07:43DOOR SLAMS
07:45What did they want?
07:47Search me. Did they come into your room too?
07:49Your dad did?
07:51Seems sort of funny. Nervous, looking around for something.
07:54Yeah, same as Mummy.
07:56And I was covered in closet.
07:58Nobody, where've you been?
08:00What do you care? I want to know.
08:02Oh, all interested in me now, are you?
08:04Only a few minutes ago you both told me to buzz off.
08:07You've been up to something, haven't you?
08:09Bit of fun, that's all. What was?
08:11Amusing myself. You two wouldn't play, so...
08:13That's why Mum and Dad have been behaving like that.
08:16You've been playing tricks on them.
08:18He had a laugh. Picked up this cake, see?
08:20You know, one of them that your mum makes for Sunday tea.
08:23And I just slumped it through, got covered in nuts and chocolate.
08:26You what? What?
08:28You idiot nobody. What? You promised.
08:30We'd agreed that you'd never show your face to anyone else here.
08:33I didn't. Oh, as good as.
08:35Now they know. Bit of fun, that's all it were.
08:39Anyway, I don't know what you two are going on about.
08:42It was all your fault for ignoring me.
08:44We have done it now. Bit of fun, that's all it were.
08:47What do you think they'll do? Why should they do anything?
08:50Look, nobody. People are scared of ghosts.
08:52If Mum and Dad knew there was a ghost in the house,
08:55they might even decide to leave.
08:58MUSIC PLAYS
09:06No good? I can't concentrate.
09:09I suppose it did happen, didn't it?
09:11No. I know, but even though I've experienced it,
09:14I find it very hard to believe.
09:16Well, the locals round here won't find it hard to believe.
09:19A little old lady will have spread it. Be in the papers.
09:22Be lucky if the milkman calls tomorrow, let alone any customer.
09:25Just as we were getting on so well here too. What can we do?
09:28I don't know. We'll have to do something pretty drastic.
09:32Or else we'll just have to sell off and go like all the owners before us.
09:36Nobody's going to make me leave this house.
09:39That's the spirit, darling.
09:42You awake, Jilly?
09:44Yes. Hardly got any sleep at all, actually.
09:47Me neither. While on the couch.
09:50While on the couch.
09:58Troubles you already?
10:00Ah, don't look at him. You're not really going to leave me, are you?
10:03We wouldn't have any choice. I'd never thought.
10:05You should have done before you started playing those stupid tricks.
10:08I don't want to be alone here again.
10:10I was alone here several years before you came and 20 years before that.
10:14Sometimes I even took a chance to go a-visiting.
10:16What do you mean, took a chance?
10:18Well, there's many a ghost like to take over my own dear, you know.
10:21I remember once, I went to visit me old mate Snowy over at noon.
10:24Snowy?
10:25Well, they called him that cos he was always covered in white from the flower.
10:28Anyhow, I'd only been gone a couple of days,
10:31and when he comes back, guess who's here?
10:33Slythered, snug as a bug.
10:34In a rug?
10:35No, up in loft.
10:37Who's Slytherned?
10:38Who were I, villain? Nasty piece of work.
10:41The worst enemy.
10:43Got up to all sorts of villainy with him, Dad.
10:45Some say he'd even done murder.
10:47How's my thief?
10:49He took everything, his watches and glasses and such like.
10:51Anyhow, when they pulled Market Street down and put up them new fangled buildings,
10:55they took him looking for a new home.
10:57Well, how did you get rid of them?
10:58Well, see, when he comes here,
11:00there was still a lot of me spirit left, you know, hanging about.
11:03And he weren't strong enough to fight it off.
11:05But if I'd have been away one more day, he'd have been stronger than me and I'd have lost me home.
11:09Serve you right.
11:10Well, I mean, a home's no good without anybody in it, is it?
11:13I mean, if they go away...
11:14Well, perhaps it won't happen, nobody.
11:16Perhaps we won't have to leave.
11:22Who's that, I wonder?
11:24Can't be a customer, it's not eight o'clock yet.
11:26It's trouble, I can smell it.
11:27Best keep my ears and my eyes open.
11:28Find out what's going on.
11:33Can I get up?
11:39Terribly sorry, we're not open.
11:40Oh, I've not come to buy, Mr. Sinclair, but to sell.
11:42Oh, in that case...
11:43I've come to sell my expertise.
11:44You have a problem, I have the answer.
11:46Problem?
11:47Now, quite by chance, I was making one of my occasional visits to the old monastery up on Coombe Hill.
11:54Oh, do you know it?
11:56No, no.
11:57Oh, it's a most interesting place, it's well worth a visit.
11:59Particularly on a night when the heavens are clear and the moon is hiding.
12:06Well, it being the cold nights, I went into the local hotel for a little drop of something warming for the insides
12:13before spending the night on the hill, and it was there that I heard about your trouble.
12:17Oh, I see, you're a newspaper reporter or something.
12:20Oh, no, no, no, no, Mr. Sinclair, no.
12:22In lay terms, I suppose you'd call me a ghost catcher.
12:31Nobody, where have you been?
12:32Downstairs, oh, it's horrible, horrible!
12:34What happened?
12:35I'm going up in a pub of smart, that's what, I'm off to be exercised!
12:52What can you smell?
12:54Nothing.
12:55Now, what can you feel?
12:56Nothing.
12:57Now, the spirit world is not an inexplicable, psychical phenomenon, it is an explicable, scientific fact.
13:03Now, too few people recognise this, you know, Mr. Sinclair.
13:06They're still awed by the mumbo-jumbo of the Middle Ages.
13:14No, the spirit, so called, is nothing more nor less than a unique form of electrical charge.
13:18Now, the human body, being largely composed of water, is an ideal conductor for this cardio-electron.
13:24Now, no two human beings are the same.
13:27On the other hand, ghosts are constant, as indeed your ghost is.
13:32Our ghost?
13:33Yes, your ghost.
13:34Oh, he is, yes.
13:36Yes, a rather remarkable cardio-electron reading, if I might say so.
13:40Yes, very interesting.
13:42A temperamental, childish, somewhat immature spirit.
13:47You mean you can tell the personality of a ghost?
13:49Of anyone, Mrs. Sinclair.
13:51To a certain degree only, of course.
13:53Surely, if this cardio-electricity that we all have needs a body to sustain it, how can you get a reading from a ghost?
13:59Because I have the unique method.
14:01Oh, it's not electricity as such, no.
14:04No, a more accurate description, or at least a more understandable one, as far as you're concerned, would be to liken it to a radio wave.
14:12Now, when we depart this world, this wave remains behind.
14:16And in most cases it disappears.
14:18But in others, where the manner of departure has upset the chemical balance within the subject, it remains.
14:25That's all a ghost is. Simple, isn't it?
14:28Then how do you get rid of it?
14:30Ah, well, I not only have the unique method of detecting the ghostly spirit, I also have the means with which to destroy it.
14:36I isolate it, I trap it, I explode it.
14:40Explode it?
14:41Oh, don't be alarmed.
14:42No, just a simple shorting of the circuit, so to speak.
14:46Well, now, do you wish me to employ my unique talents in your behalf?
14:51Well, I, uh...
14:52Yes.
14:53Good, well, here's my contract.
14:55Now, if I'm not completely successful, you will have a refund of part of the fee.
14:59May I say that I have never failed to receive the full fee?
15:07It's him, the same fella.
15:08The one that done me make down at the Vickers.
15:10He almost had pornily smithers over at the knackers yard about a month ago.
15:13Blew off red, he did. Now he's just daunting me out on head.
15:16I mean, who wants a ghost without an head?
15:18So his method really does work?
15:20Very painful it is, too.
15:21Well, what can we do?
15:22I don't know.
15:23Well, can't you just move out while he's here?
15:26What, and have somebody nip in and nip me home?
15:29Well, why not?
15:30Eh?
15:31Well, he's come to catch a ghost, hasn't he?
15:33I know. I'll leave till he has neither.
15:35Exactly, so let him catch his ghost, but not you, another one.
15:40Oh, that's very sneaky, that is. Very sneaky.
15:43Look, I couldn't do that to me worst enemy.
15:48On the other hand, there's always Silver and Ed.
15:50I'd be doing everybody a favour by getting rid of him.
15:54How would I do it without him catching on?
15:58What's on your scheming mind now?
16:00Well, see, I can't just invite Silver and Ed here.
16:02It'd smell a rat quick and they could spit on your boots.
16:04But if I put it round that I'm going away for a while,
16:07well, it's better not to get too worried of it.
16:09And there's nobody better to put it round than Big Mouth Snowy over at the mill.
16:16I must say, it looks very impressive.
16:18I hope it works.
16:20Oh, do be careful of the electrode, Mrs Sinclair.
16:22Oh, sorry.
16:23No, it won't hurt you.
16:24It's just that they're placed in a precise mathematical pattern
16:27which mustn't be disturbed.
16:29Oh, thank you so much.
16:30We're just off to bed now.
16:31Oh, don't you worry about me. I'll be perfectly all right down here.
16:34What will happen?
16:36Who knows? Possibly nothing tonight.
16:40But our little ghost won't be able to resist the temptation
16:42to investigate for very long.
16:44Oh, he knows I'm here, yes.
16:46He'll come to me, I shall corner him and...
16:49What?
16:51You make it all sound so normal.
16:53For me, it is.
16:56Well, if you don't mind, I...
16:58Of course, sorry.
16:59Oh, do be careful.
17:02Well, happy hunting.
17:16They've gone to bed.
17:18I'm scared, Tom.
17:20Oh, don't be soppy.
17:21Nobody said that Silver Ned isn't as frightening as he looks.
17:26Don't be frightened, it's only me.
17:28What happened?
17:29Well, see, I let the doctor also know that they are going away for a while.
17:32So he'll be blabbing it all over town now to me ghostly mates.
17:34And Silver Ned'll be sniffing around, waiting for me to go before long.
17:37Will we have to see him?
17:38Oh, why, I love scaring kids, doesn't Ned?
17:40And he's a pity awful sight to be old, I must say.
17:42But I wouldn't worry over much, I'll not be far away.
17:45Now, I must get him down into the shop to where that bloke is.
17:47I doubt I'll need much tempting, though.
17:50I'd best be off. Happy hunting.
17:53Well, I suppose I'd better get back to my room.
17:55Must you?
17:56Well, we don't want to look as they're expecting Silver Ned, do we?
17:59Otherwise he'll smell a rat.
18:00No, I suppose you're right.
18:03If anything happens, call me, right?
18:18Oh, it's you. I thought...
18:20Sorry, I couldn't see you.
18:22Me neither.
18:24You're welcome.
18:30Shh, listen.
18:32Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
18:34Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
18:39Well, well, well.
18:42Well, well, well.
18:46So you be the two little friends of that mangy young whippersnapper, are you?
18:51Heard he'd gone away for a bit of a visit. That right?
18:55What's the matter? Cat got your tongues?
18:58Sight of old Silver Ned scare you a bit, does it?
19:01No. I'm not scared.
19:04Not even just a teeny-weeny bit, lad?
19:06Well, you should be, if you have any sense, young'uns.
19:09Cos Ned's an horrible handful, if you crosses him.
19:13So you watch out you don't. Understand?
19:19Van Waal from himself that young straff here, ain't he?
19:22Grand house, this.
19:24Always fancied it for meself.
19:27And now he's gone.
19:29He'll be back soon.
19:31Be back, will he?
19:33Not if I has anything to do with it, he won't.
19:36You got a new ghost to keep you company now, nippers?
19:39And you'd better be nice to him.
19:42Are you tell you got a lot of silver trinkets and such like about this place?
19:46That right, young'un?
19:48You touch anything down in that shop?
19:50Down in the shop, be it.
19:52Well, well.
19:54Likes a nice bit of silver, does old Ned.
19:57You mustn't go down there. Oh, mustn't I then?
19:59Understand one thing, little chicken?
20:02Nobody tells silver Ned what he does and what he don't do.
20:08Now you just be quiet and leave old Ned about his business.
20:11And remember,
20:13any hanky-panky,
20:15and I do for you two young'uns,
20:17are my name ain't silver Ned.
20:21That ghost hunter man knows what he's doing, Tom.
20:24If he doesn't...
20:26Yes, I don't like the idea of having to deal with silver Ned if he gets angry.
20:32Well, well.
21:03Oh, that won't do you any good.
21:05No, you can't get away now.
21:07You might as well materialize again, make the most of your last moments.
21:15What sort of devilment is this then?
21:18Science.
21:20Science?
21:22Yes, science.
21:24Science?
21:26Yes, science.
21:28Science?
21:30What's that?
21:32Science. Pure science.
21:39Oh, you can't get out of this circle now, so I wouldn't try it.
21:42Don't believe me, I've done this sort of thing many times before.
21:45You'd be much better off if you'd just let me complete this and send you on your way.
21:49What sort of witchcraft is this?
21:51You'd be full of this fakie if you were to tamper with the devil's work.
21:54There's no witchcraft, I assure you.
21:56No exorcism is an exact science in this century, my friend.
21:59Yes, that is certain from now you'll be simply a puff of smoke in the ether.
22:04It's you who are turning Aladdin the vicar's house.
22:06Indeed it was, Clem.
22:08I knew there was something as small about this.
22:11It's that brat that took me to this, isn't it?
22:13No, you've only yourself to blame.
22:15Now, if you'd done your haunting in a discreet way, there would have been no complaints.
22:18As it is, you must go.
22:20Oh, no! No, please, don't do that, no!
22:23Please, Mr. Harkin, I can't do any more, no!
22:30Please, please...
22:43Please, no!
22:55Full of fear.
22:58He's such a greedy old devil, just couldn't resist it, walked straight into it.
23:02Didn't take long.
23:03No, I watched it all from the stairs.
23:04Man, he's got all these strange wires and things.
23:06Oh, yeah, when Southern Head touched him, look at these flashes.
23:08And there's smoke.
23:09And then he almost banged.
23:10But it didn't really hurt him, though, did it?
23:12I mean, Southern Head wasn't very nice, but I wouldn't like to think of him being hurt.
23:15No, he's not hurt.
23:16I mean, how can you hurt a ghost?
23:18Not always floating around out there, invisible as he is, and cursing it off for sure.
23:24Do you think they noticed?
23:26Children?
23:29I think we should keep quiet about the whole thing, don't you?
23:32Oh, yes.
23:33The last thing we want to do is to start worrying them with stories about ghosts.
23:36They wouldn't understand, would they?
23:38So now everyone thinks our ghosts have been exorcised.
23:41Exorcised, you loon.
23:42Exorcised.
23:43So you can stay here as before, nobody.
23:45Aye, and that a good riddance and all to Southern Head.
23:47And you learn no lesson from this too, nobody.
23:49Just keep out of harm's way in future.
23:51Grown-ups just don't understand about ghosts.