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00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:34Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:36I'm Greg Davison.
00:38I suit things.
00:39I suit this throne.
00:40I suit this suit.
00:41I suit the title of Taskmaster
00:43and I suit the power it affords me.
00:46What can I say?
00:47I suit things.
00:48I suit boots.
00:49I suit fruits.
00:50I suit flutes.
00:51And once I was in cahoots with some mute-newts
00:54about a car boot in beaut.
00:56Proof, if it was needed,
00:58that the writing of these introductions
01:00is becoming increasingly challenging.
01:02LAUGHTER
01:03No matter, let's take the focus off me
01:05and train the glaring, judgmental super trooper
01:08into the frightened eyes of some human bunnies.
01:11Please welcome...
01:13Fatia El Ghori!
01:15CHEERING
01:16Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING
01:19Mattie Baker!
01:21CHEERING
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:24CHEERING
01:25And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING
01:27And next to me, a man whose hobbies include bird-spotting,
01:33writing songs and his absolute favourite,
01:36having extra-marital affairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39A little elitore!
01:41CHEERING
01:42CHEERING
01:44Hi, everyone.
01:46CHEERING
01:47Let's get on with the prize task.
01:49And the category this week is...
01:52The snootiest thing.
01:54Ooh!
01:55Ooh!
01:56There will be five points for the snootiest,
01:58one point for the least snooty,
01:59and the episode winner will go home with some really juicy snooty booty.
02:02Greg, honey, take it away!
02:04Stevie, have you got some snooty booty?
02:06Yes.
02:07There are, like, canvases you can get made of your pet,
02:11and I got one made of my pet.
02:15Here is a picture of Stevie's pet.
02:17It's on my wall in my kitchen.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21And I don't think they've done a tortoise before,
02:28so, like, the neck is very bent at a weird angle.
02:31Where is it there?
02:32And where's the shell?
02:33How did they get her in the uniform?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:36They're so...
02:37Americans are so naive, aren't they?
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41And is that her actual rank?
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44OK, cool.
02:49OK.
02:50Fatty, are you all right?
02:51Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?
02:52Pretty good.
02:53What have you brought in?
02:54My snooty prize is Swiss chocolate.
02:57Here is the bar of Swiss chocolate she put up.
02:59The snootiest of all the chocolates.
03:01Ooh!
03:03Yeah, exactly.
03:04See how snooty? Look at that.
03:05Yeah.
03:06But if you look at the chocolate adverts,
03:08the Swiss ones are so extra,
03:10they've got a little chef in their little hat and he's like,
03:13ho, ho, ho, ho.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15The old French Swiss chef.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18And he's all doing that and they're like,
03:21and there's all this music and they live in a...
03:24They've got a nice kitchen.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27They do, they do.
03:28It's ridiculous.
03:29So you bought a bar of chocolate in, yep?
03:31Yeah.
03:32Jason, what's snooty in America?
03:34Here's the thing, this was actually very hard for me
03:37because in America, snootiness is not a really thing,
03:40so I kind of was at a bit of a loss to come up with a snooty thing,
03:44but I had a good idea.
03:46I asked my butler what he thought.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Jeffries, get out of here.
03:50Oh, nice.
03:51Let's go up!
03:52Let's go, let's go!
03:57My butler, Mr. Jeffries, asked him what was snooty
03:59because he's British and he had a great idea.
04:01Show him what you got under there.
04:02Open it up, come on.
04:03Yes.
04:04Butler for a day.
04:05Yes.
04:06Butler for a day.
04:07So, if you win this prize,
04:08he'll come and he'll buttle for you for the whole day.
04:11Wow.
04:12That is one snooty prize.
04:14Right?
04:15Well, a round of applause for Mr. Jeffries.
04:16Yes.
04:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:21I have brought in the Oppidun's cap from the wall game
04:26at Eton College.
04:28Here it is.
04:29Oh, my God, that's so snooty, I don't even understand it.
04:32What is...?
04:33The wall game is only played one day of the year,
04:37St. Andrew's Day,
04:38and it's only played at Eton College,
04:41the snootiest of all the schools.
04:43Did you go there?
04:44No.
04:45How did you get a cap?
04:46It... I acquired it from a friend.
04:48OK.
04:49Is your friend Tom Hiddleston,
04:51Hugh Fernley Whittingstall,
04:53Bear Grylls or Alan Shearer?
04:54All alumni.
04:55And it must be one of those.
04:57Hang on, Alan Shearer?
04:58Alan Shearer?
04:59I didn't believe in either when I wrote it.
05:00Wow!
05:01Um...
05:02LAUGHTER
05:04APPLAUSE
05:06Can you give us a vague idea of the rules?
05:11As far as I can tell, it's a rugby scrum up against the wall.
05:15And where does the snooty hat come in?
05:17That's the hat that the Oppidun's team wear.
05:20The Oppidun's?
05:21Yes.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23It's so snooty.
05:24So snooty.
05:25It's beyond language, isn't it?
05:26Yes.
05:27Very posh.
05:28Rosie?
05:29My snootiest thing is a red wine decanter.
05:31I believe that you've started to drop your north-east accent to introduce this.
05:34Sorry, what?
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36I don't know what you're talking about.
05:37I don't know what you're talking about.
05:38If Alan Shearer went to eat and then so did I.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41I brought a red wine decanter.
05:42Yeah, OK.
05:43Here it is.
05:44Because not many people have these.
05:45I go to friends' houses and they just pour me red wine out of a bottle.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50And I think, you haven't got a decanter.
05:53LAUGHTER
05:54Have you got a decanter?
05:55I've got three.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57OK, well, that is everyone great.
05:58It's really tricky, actually, because one of them I don't understand.
06:03Still.
06:04I remember the Swiss chefs are making their chocolates in kitchens.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:09I'm trying to work out who I'm going to give one point to.
06:14Not me!
06:15It's going to be the chocolate or the decanter, but I just can't work out which is the least snooty.
06:20You can buy Swiss chocolate in any shop.
06:22You can, like in a supermarket.
06:24Yeah, no, but you can make a decanter.
06:26All I have to do is get a plastic bottle and chop the top.
06:29That's a decanter.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31No!
06:32I won't have it!
06:33I won't have it!
06:34I won't have it!
06:35APPLAUSE
06:36Swiss chocolate is made in Switzerland.
06:38Switzerland!
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And that, my friend, is the final nail in the coffin.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:45One point to the chocolate.
06:47One point to the chocolate?
06:48Yeah.
06:49Rosie's decanter, two points.
06:51OK.
06:52We'll have the hired butler with three points.
06:54OK.
06:55I love the snooty tortoise.
06:57Right.
06:58And Matthew's thing is so snooty I still don't know what it is.
07:01It's got to be the snootiest thing.
07:02So, five points to Matthew.
07:03There you go.
07:04Well done.
07:05APPLAUSE
07:06So good.
07:07Tough time!
07:08Oh, yes, it is.
07:11And just like Dr Dre, we're going down to the lab to lay down some cool tracks
07:15and generally have a really nice time while we're there.
07:18MUSIC
07:28Hi.
07:29Hi.
07:30Hi.
07:31Hello.
07:32Hi, Jason.
07:34What's up?
07:35Welcome to the booth.
07:37This is good.
07:38This makes me feel a bit at home.
07:40Commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky.
07:44Then achieve that really tricky thing.
07:47Most iconic really tricky thing achieved wins.
07:51You have five minutes to record your commentary.
07:54Then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.
07:58RTT is what I'm going to abbreviate it for from now on.
08:02Your time starts now.
08:04You're going to commentate on yourself as if you're watching yourself on that telly.
08:08Right.
08:09You're commentating on your future self.
08:10Ooh.
08:11So whatever you describe, you've then got to do.
08:13I've got to do.
08:14But it's got to be really tricky and iconic.
08:16What tricky things can you do?
08:18Thinking about escapology, but I mean...
08:21I can't actually do that.
08:25LAUGHTER
08:26Can you do anything tricky?
08:29I was going to just lie down.
08:31APPLAUSE
08:33So, RTT, I enjoyed that abbreviation.
08:38I like an abbreviation.
08:39I like an abbreviation.
08:40You do.
08:41You do.
08:42You do.
08:43He does.
08:44Let's see some tricky stuff.
08:45So, they had to commentate on themselves doing a really tricky thing
08:48before they did the really tricky thing.
08:50Stevie and Rosie are up first, i.e.
08:53are the last two letters of their names.
08:55And remember, they chose to do these things.
08:58OK, the moment we've all been waiting for.
09:00Here she is, Mrs Rosemary Ramsay.
09:03We've been waiting for this all year.
09:05She's making her way into the dome.
09:08Now, you may not know this at home, but Rosie has a very, very special way
09:11of getting ready for the competition.
09:13If you've seen her before, you'll know.
09:14There she is.
09:15What she likes to do...
09:16Well, you're going to see in a minute.
09:17She likes to have a little sniff of the air.
09:19Yeah.
09:20Good old scratch of the genitals.
09:21Yeah.
09:22From her back.
09:23Oh, that's a new one.
09:24That's a new one.
09:25She's never done the back before.
09:26All right, she is ready for this competition.
09:28OK, OK, and it's coming.
09:29Yes, there it is.
09:30There it is.
09:31Every time.
09:32Here's what she does.
09:33Projectile vomiting.
09:34Here she is.
09:35Martin.
09:36Stepping up to the plate.
09:38Is she behind the line?
09:39Yes.
09:40Quick check.
09:41She's behind the line.
09:43She bends.
09:44She has a few bends.
09:46I think that's too many bends.
09:48Ah, sick from Martin there.
09:50Alex looking pretty frightened.
09:53Here we go.
09:54She's ready for the question.
09:57The adjudicator is ready.
09:59All right.
10:00There we go.
10:01Nine times nine.
10:02Come on, Rosie.
10:03You can do this.
10:04She's getting her fingers out.
10:05Sadly, Rosie didn't do very well at school.
10:07So she's going to use the tactic that she was taught in year five maths.
10:11This is it.
10:12This is it.
10:13Come on.
10:14Come on.
10:15Come on.
10:16We're ready.
10:17Come on.
10:18What is it?
10:19What is it?
10:2081.
10:21She's done it.
10:22She's done it.
10:23She's done it.
10:24Lads, she's done it.
10:2581.
10:26Oh, she's vomiting.
10:27It's not.
10:28Yeah.
10:29It's okay.
10:30No, she's going to have nothing left.
10:31Well done, Rosie.
10:32Brilliant.
10:33Brilliant.
10:34Brilliant.
10:35She's flexing.
10:36She's flexing her arms.
10:37And you can see her flexing her arms.
10:38She's going.
10:39And she's off.
10:40She's off.
10:41She's over.
10:42And she's headed it right into the top corner.
10:44Let's see that again.
10:45I'm presuming there's a three-play.
10:47Oh, wow, look at her go.
11:01Quite an intense celebration there from Martin.
11:05She's doing a forward roll.
11:07Oh, her and Alex high-fiving.
11:09I'd love to see it.
11:12APPLAUSE
11:19What is this sport?
11:21So, I've never done a leapfrog before.
11:24So, I wanted to do that.
11:26I've also never scored a goal.
11:27So, I thought I could do both simultaneously.
11:29And crucially, while I was in the air,
11:31I thought that would be quite tricky.
11:33I mean, you landed perfectly on his back.
11:35Yeah.
11:36Scrambled his head around.
11:37But it was genuinely impressive.
11:39Now, Rosie.
11:40Yes.
11:41As far as I can work out, the sport is...
11:43Tricky numbers.
11:45Yes.
11:46Well, that's the way you might describe it.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49I mean, literally, what I saw was a woman touch her privates...
11:52LAUGHTER
11:53..and then ran her back.
11:54Yeah.
11:55You vomited.
11:56Yes.
11:57You did a rudimentary maths sum.
11:58Yeah.
11:59You vomited again.
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01Tricky numbers.
12:02All right.
12:03Classic RTT.
12:04Tricky.
12:05Do you know the trick of the nine times tables on your hands?
12:08I mean, I think probably everyone in the room can do this.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Let's see how fast you are.
12:13Seven nines.
12:1463.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:16Must be another one.
12:17But I'm not impressed.
12:18It's awesome.
12:19You can't go over nine for this system.
12:22So, I can't say 11 nines.
12:24Oh, no.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27OK, time for a break.
12:29Here we are, Alex.
12:30That's it.
12:31Good boy.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:33Good boy.
12:34APPLAUSE
12:35Welcome back, everybody.
12:48Yes, and it really is high from me too.
12:51Before the break, the task found our athletes having to commentate on themselves,
12:55achieving something really tricky before achieving that really tricky thing.
12:59Now for the attempts of Fatia El Ghori and Matthew El Bainton.
13:04I can record two commentaries so that I've got a backup.
13:08Today we get to see the magnificent athlete Fatia El Ghori fly a plane through the Taskmaster dome.
13:15And here comes Bainton with the iconic 19 vest.
13:21Let me warm up.
13:22Ready to take on the really tricky thing of keepy-uppies with a tennis ball.
13:30He's got, funnily enough, 19 to beat to take home the goal.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:37And in her hand we see A4 white paper.
13:40So this looks very tricky because she's got really little fingers.
13:44We're very worried that she might get a paper cut.
13:46But she's been working with Andy Murray's coach.
13:49LAUGHTER
13:50And at this point, it's almost certain that he's done...
13:54Ten keepy-uppies!
13:56Nine that time.
13:58LAUGHTER
13:59No!
14:00Twenty keepy-uppies!
14:02Thirty keepy-uppies!
14:04LAUGHTER
14:06Iconic!
14:07And here we go.
14:08Any minute now.
14:09Here we go, here we go, here we go.
14:10Oh!
14:11And there it is!
14:12Well done, Betta.
14:13She is the best.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:16LAUGHTER
14:19Can we go closer?
14:20Good idea.
14:21This is your 50th attempt.
14:22People will say, don't pick something you can't do.
14:25But this has to be really tricky.
14:27And I think I've proved that.
14:29Where are the grapes?
14:30She's rocking a little bit.
14:32And she's gonna throw it any second now.
14:34And it's gone in through the dome.
14:37I mean, I didn't doubt her, but I was a little bit sceptical.
14:40Magnificent athlete.
14:42And here comes Bainton to try and attempt the record
14:49for the highest thrown and caught-in-the-mouth grape.
14:53Oh, that first attempt didn't play out.
14:57And there's no rules about how many attempts you're allowed,
15:01so that's fine.
15:02LAUGHTER
15:03Oh, he's really slung that one.
15:04Oh, he's caught it!
15:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:07Unbelievable scenes!
15:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:11That's a really trippy thing!
15:13Iconic!
15:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:20With a wisdom of hindsight,
15:21knowing how good you are at keeping yuppies,
15:23was 19 the right goal to set yourself?
15:26I thought, with a football, it wouldn't be that impressive.
15:29It wouldn't look like an RTT.
15:31So I went...
15:33I went tennis ball and I overestimated my ability.
15:37But...
15:38The great thing...
15:40Different story.
15:41But...
15:42Was it an RTT?
15:43He did it on his second go.
15:44But it was as high as the...
15:45It was high.
15:46Yes.
15:47Iconic is what we're looking for.
15:48I think it's strong.
15:49OK.
15:50I thought yours was good as well.
15:51Don't blame me.
15:52I'm not blame you.
15:53LAUGHTER
15:54Lovely attention to detail.
15:55Andy Murray's coach.
15:57He's jumped over from tennis, why not?
15:59LAUGHTER
16:01How did you feel about the first attempt?
16:03Awful.
16:04Crushing.
16:05But the second...
16:06I mean, I was surprised by how excited I was.
16:09LAUGHTER
16:10You want to see someone else?
16:11Yeah.
16:12It's time for the handsome stranger from overseas.
16:14Yes, it's Jason Manzoukas.
16:16Ooh!
16:17And here we are back again at Taskmaster Sports.
16:20Up next, Jason Manzoukas.
16:22He's exiting the Taskmaster house with undue confidence.
16:27But can he achieve an iconic tricky thing?
16:30We don't know.
16:31Alex Horne is following him behind,
16:32wondering what exactly is Jason Manzoukas up to.
16:35And...
16:36Oh!
16:37Oh!
16:38He's getting on top of the hunch.
16:39Manzoukas is...
16:40He's got a ladder.
16:41He's got a ladder and he's trying to get it onto the roof.
16:44I've said it, so it is happening.
16:47He's starting to scale the roof.
16:49Alex Horne is freaking out.
16:51Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof,
16:54but American comedian Jason Manzoukas is gonna be the first person in history...
16:59Oh!
17:00Alex Horne is on the phone.
17:01Alex is shutting it down!
17:02Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.
17:07Jason Manzoukas is now being pulled off at the roof by a bunch of people dressed just like him?
17:13Is this what he makes them do?
17:17Huh?
17:18I'm being told that Jason Manzoukas makes everyone in the crew dress exactly like him when he's shooting,
17:22so that everybody knows what it feels like to be great.
17:25His words, not mine.
17:27Not mine!
17:28Well, they've got him down, he's safe, but the really tricky thing has not been achieved.
17:33Another failure for Jason Manzoukas in a lifetime full of epic fail.
17:40What a piece of shit.
17:47Nailed it.
17:49Sure.
17:50Full-throated commentary.
17:51Oh, yeah.
17:52A lot of excitement from you.
17:53Did you do the tricky thing?
17:55The tricky thing was not accomplished.
17:57Yeah.
17:58Why?
17:59Because Alex Horne shut it down.
18:01I loved the commentary, but I think I have to go with the spirit of the task,
18:05and that was to achieve a tricky thing.
18:07I understand.
18:09I mean, I think you're absolutely fucking stupid for saying that.
18:15Right.
18:16I enjoyed it, but I'm afraid I must give him one point,
18:18because he didn't achieve the tricky thing that he advertised that he would be doing that was tricky.
18:21OK, so it's one point to Jason.
18:23There you go.
18:24I don't know how tricky jumping on your back and heading a goal is.
18:27Oh!
18:28It's context-based.
18:29It's tricky for me.
18:30You could see I couldn't even achieve it.
18:32Was it...
18:33Did it say tricky for you personally, the task?
18:35Oh, fair enough.
18:36No.
18:39So I must give you two points.
18:40Two points, Steve.
18:41You've got it.
18:42Up we go.
18:43OK.
18:44The task table isn't tricky.
18:46For me, it is.
18:47Again, it's not about context.
18:50There's an element of trickiness to it, so I'm going to give it three points.
18:52Well done.
18:54Well done.
18:55Yep.
18:56And here we go.
18:57You put a grape into his mouth.
18:58Yes.
18:59Yeah.
19:00I made a paper plane and flied it.
19:01They both flied their things.
19:03He's ridiculing you.
19:04I'm not quoting.
19:05It's all right.
19:06Don't worry.
19:07I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
19:08When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
19:10Got it.
19:11Is that your dirty look?
19:12Yeah.
19:13Oh.
19:14Don't worry.
19:15We're going to get married.
19:16You don't understand.
19:17This is foreplay.
19:20I think, and my future wife is going to hate me for this, that I found the passion with
19:26which he took that high grape to be the most iconic.
19:29OK.
19:30So I'm going to give him five.
19:31But Fatia, four points for throwing a paper airplane.
19:33Yeah.
19:35Right.
19:36Let's have a peek at the scoreboard, please.
19:39Yes.
19:40Well, Jason's at the bottom with four.
19:41Right at the top, maximum points.
19:42Matthew Bainton, ten points.
19:43Wow.
19:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:47OK.
19:48Can we have something nice and special?
19:50Just a bloody bit, because it's teen time!
19:53Oh!
19:54Ooh!
19:55You ever sat on a cow?
19:59MUSIC CONTINUES
20:23You ever sat on a cow?
20:25I've not, no.
20:27What have you sat on?
20:28Erm, a horse.
20:30Oh, a horse. Anything else?
20:31Erm...
20:33No, I can't.
20:34You've only sat on horses...
20:36Not that I can remember.
20:37Hi.
20:38Hello.
20:39Hello.
20:40Hi, I'm Matt.
20:41I'm Rosie, nice to meet you.
20:42Nice to meet you.
20:43Hi, Rosie.
20:44Hi.
20:45Have you ever sat on a cow?
20:46Erm, no.
20:47OK, same as Matt.
20:48Mmm.
20:49Nothing smaller, not a sheep or a dog?
20:52No, I don't think that would be responsible.
20:55OK.
20:57OK.
20:58OK.
20:59Hello.
21:00Hi, I'm Stevie.
21:01Hi Stevie, I'm Jason.
21:02Hello.
21:03Pleasure.
21:04How are you?
21:05Good.
21:06You look great.
21:08You've got to ask for you.
21:09Do you want to read?
21:10You've got a better voice than me.
21:11No, you've...
21:12OK.
21:13Go on, he's got...
21:14He's an actor, he's like...
21:15He wants me to.
21:16He'll read it better.
21:17I'll pay more attention if you read it.
21:18OK.
21:19If I read it, I won't.
21:20So what?
21:21Hello.
21:22Oh!
21:23Hello.
21:24Hi.
21:25I'm Fatia.
21:26I'm Rosie, nice to meet you.
21:27Hello.
21:28Hello, I'm Fatia.
21:29Hi.
21:30Do you like a cow?
21:31No.
21:32I don't like heights.
21:33Do you?
21:34Like heights?
21:35Why are you dressed like this, bro?
21:37Good question.
21:38I've got a spare hijab, shall I put it on him?
21:41Are we getting time for this?
21:43Right, give me that.
21:44Can we get time for this?
21:45Can we get time for this?
21:46We may be getting time.
21:47All right.
21:48OK.
21:49Give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate.
21:53And an egg cup full of tepid water.
21:56Right.
21:57One of you must always be sitting down.
21:59One of you must always be jumping.
22:01Ugh.
22:02And one of you must always be clapping your hands.
22:04Word.
22:05You must each change your action every 30 seconds.
22:09And no one may hold anything for more than five seconds at a time.
22:13You're a liberty, bruh.
22:15Fastest wins.
22:16Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle!
22:24The teams all seem to get on.
22:25I'm sure.
22:26It was a little awkward between you.
22:27But I have no doubt you've pulled it all together.
22:30OK?
22:31All right.
22:32Well, it's the team of two's turn to take the tepid test.
22:34Yes, it's Mandzukas and Martin and marbles.
22:37I'm jumping!
22:38I'm jumping!
22:39Oh!
22:49You just need to put them down.
22:50Every five seconds.
22:51Oh, whoa, whoa.
22:52I see that.
22:53Yeah.
22:54You're getting the hang of it straight away.
22:56Put those down, please.
22:57Please change actions.
22:58OK, shall I open them?
22:59I think so.
23:00Make sure it's tepid water.
23:01Oh!
23:02Put them down, please, Stevie.
23:03Keep jumping.
23:04What?
23:05I can do it.
23:06Yeah, I don't know why I put it down for so long.
23:07Oh, of course!
23:08OK.
23:09That's cold!
23:10These change actions.
23:11OK, come on, Jason!
23:12I think this is hot.
23:13What's tepid?
23:14Tepid is not hot and not cold.
23:15Oh, I get it.
23:16Here we go, Stevie.
23:17Oh, I found the marble!
23:18Switch.
23:19Switch!
23:20How many did you do?
23:21Unclair!
23:23You're going to have to put that down now.
23:24OK.
23:25Put it down.
23:26I found one marble!
23:27Oh, I'd love it if someone was clapping.
23:29Clap, clap, clap, clap!
23:31For God's sake.
23:32Sorry.
23:33Wait, tap on the marble.
23:34I think this is hot.
23:35What's hot?
23:36I think this is hot.
23:37What's tepid?
23:38What's tepid?
23:39Tepid is not hot and not cold.
23:40Oh, I get it.
23:41Here we go, Stevie.
23:42Oh, I found the marble!
23:43Oh, I found the marble!
23:44Oh
23:50Do you think this is an egg cup or do I need to find an egg cup that's a lid that's a lid
23:56Let's look at the task again, Stevie. Yeah
24:00Stevie huge news. Yeah, there's a goddamn map on the back of the task
24:07Put it down Stevie. Okay, hold on. Oh, well
24:11Please switch
24:14Oh
24:16That's perfect I like it
24:46Wow powerhouse and we all know what the absolute highlight of that
25:07I remember doing that and I was like I'm still really going
25:13I've sort of never seen another human move like that
25:20Do you want to see it again though?
25:22Of course I want to see it again
25:24Go Stephen!
25:31Imagine there's an invisible jump rope in there
25:36Can you play it again?
25:37Let's watch it again
25:38Yeah, let's watch it again
25:39Go Stephen!
25:43Not sped up, not sped up
25:44Do you want to give any statistics about them?
25:46Sub 12 minutes, 11 minutes 45
25:48Incredible
25:49OK, that's part two over and done with
25:52Part three next, then four
25:53You must know how this works by now
25:54We'll see you in a minute
25:55APPLAUSE
25:56Hello! Welcome back! Where were we, Alex?
26:10Now for the team of three, Fatia, Matt and Rosie
26:15Right, clap!
26:16Right
26:17I'm going to have to sit here
26:19Go
26:20Pass it to me
26:22You open them, you're sitting down
26:24Can I jump?
26:25I'll jump
26:26You clap
26:27Please put that down now
26:28That's water
26:29Yeah, you open it, you open it
26:30Are you jumping, Fatia?
26:31Yes I am
26:32Just because I'm doing it one leg, there's still a jump
26:33Is it?
26:34Yeah?
26:35Yeah, that's Tepic
26:36Rocky, brother
26:37Have you not seen Rocky?
26:38We need an egg cup
26:39We need an egg cup
26:40We need an egg cup
26:41Egg cup?
26:42Yes!
26:43There's a plate here
26:44It's had someone's breakfast on it, I think
26:46Please put the plate down
26:47What's going on?
26:48What about in the air?
26:49Oh, there's marbles, the marbles are here
26:51100 marbles on a plate
26:52I can't hold it for long
26:54Please put the plate down
26:55What's going on?
26:56What about in the air?
26:57Oh, there's marbles
26:58The marbles are here
26:59There's marbles
27:00100 marbles on a plate
27:01I can't hold it for long
27:02Please change your action
27:05Everyone
27:14Mix them, mix them, mix them
27:15Right, whoever sat down needs to count the eggs
27:17Yeah
27:18Apparently someone needs to count the eggs
27:20Why do we have to count the eggs?
27:21Count the marbles
27:22That's perfect
27:23It's not too hot, not too cold
27:2597
27:2698
27:27We need two
27:28Yes
27:29Have you lost your marbles?
27:31I remember early on some were thrown over here
27:34So I'm just
27:35I remember that
27:36I remember I threw them here
27:41Yeah
27:42I can't find them
27:45Should we get a rake and rake the grass?
27:48That's a good idea
27:49Not nearly for happening
27:50There were enough marbles there
27:52Ah, come on
27:53This is crazy
27:54Are you jumping Rosie?
27:55Oh my god
27:56Well this is a mess
27:57We've got two more to bind
27:58I think we've lost the task
27:59Are you holding anything?
28:00Do you know what?
28:01I found one
28:02I found two
28:03Yes
28:04Is that it?
28:05Is that it?
28:06Is that it?
28:07All changed
28:08In the plate
28:09In the plate
28:10In the plate
28:11Deliver the plate
28:12To us
28:13To us
28:14To us
28:15I've stopped the clock
28:28Are you happy with that?
28:29Yeah
28:30Well
28:31Happy is a strong word
28:32I guess the obvious thing we need to talk about is what your definition of jumping is
28:44Fatia
28:45Yeah
28:46Do you want to jump this?
28:47Yeah
28:48Because you were just stepping
28:50And when someone said you're supposed to be jumping you shouted and I've written it down
28:55Rocky bruv
28:57Yeah you know when he jumps from foot to foot innit
29:00But when he runs
29:04Rosie you pleased with your jumping?
29:06I think I was alright
29:07Let's see Rosie jumping shall we?
29:08Okay here's Rosie jumping
29:09Are you jumping Rosie?
29:11That's actually twerking
29:15She's a bit violent
29:17Isn't it?
29:18Let's ask the big question
29:19Why did you throw the marble?
29:21Because he was shouting innit
29:25He was going don't hold it
29:27Don't hold it
29:28And blowing his whistle
29:29I just couldn't take it
29:30They took pretty much twice as long
29:32The team of two took 11 minutes 45
29:34You guys took 22 minutes 34
29:36The only thing I would say in my job as administrative assistant
29:40It was to bring me exactly 100 marbles on a plate
29:43If I show you the two teams' efforts
29:46Oh
29:47Is it a double disqualification?
29:49Oh
29:50Is that a plate on the left?
29:52It looks tambourine-y
29:54Given everyone's understanding of the word jump
29:56I'm tempted to allow plate
29:58We're allowing the tambourine
29:59Let's assume it's a yes
30:01And then let's talk about marbles
30:03Oh, well it's obviously worth counting the marbles
30:04There had to be exactly 100 marbles
30:06Oh
30:07I counted the marbles
30:08I have to count the marbles
30:09Of course
30:10So I split them up into tens
30:11It's my system, Rosie
30:12We've all got systems, haven't we?
30:13I knew you were a standard guy
30:15That's all it is
30:16Split them into ten like this
30:18Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten
30:20They both did really well
30:21We've got 100 and we've got 100
30:23And we've got 101 over that size
30:25What?
30:26Well that's your fault
30:27I'm putting more marbles in a place where we were meant to find marbles
30:30We deliberately put more marbles in the place
30:32Clever
30:33Yeah
30:34Thank God that Fatia threw some of the marbles away
30:36Yeah
30:37Do you know what actually?
30:38Yeah
30:41So are we saying the two three get five points?
30:43Of course they do
30:44Five points
30:47I think on this occasion I have to reward
30:49Effort and hilarity
30:51Okay
30:52So I can't give them nothing
30:53Right
30:54I think one is fair because they failed on both counts
30:57Okay, one and five points to the team of three
30:59There we go
31:03Okay, that's please
31:04Yes, please
31:05And it's time to get wet in the Submaravan, please
31:19Here we go
31:23Hello
31:24Oh, welcome to my
31:25PHONE RINGS
31:26Oh, sorry about that
31:27Oh my gosh
31:28Hello
31:29Oh, Stevie
31:30You've just written the word Stevie on your pad
31:32I was guessing who was going to come in
31:35Matthew
31:36Alex
31:37Welcome to my home
31:38Thank...
31:39Don't live here, do you?
31:40I eat, sleep, urinate, do everything here
31:42Oh, yeah, it smells like it
31:45Ready?
31:46Mm-hmm
31:47What's in here?
31:48Oh
31:50Hmm
31:51Get the most liquid in this can
31:54You may not leave the Submaravan
31:58You have 15 minutes
32:00Your time starts now
32:03I do need a wee and that's a problem for you
32:06LAUGHTER
32:11So, get as much liquid into the tin as possible
32:14Absolutely
32:15Who's first?
32:16Here they come, it's Rosemary and Fatia
32:19Get the most liquid, I've seen liquid there
32:21Oh, milk
32:22Milk!
32:24Alright, let's get these
32:25What are your feelings on milk?
32:27I hate milk
32:28Yeah
32:31The things you have to do in this place, I'll tell you
32:33What's these toiletries?
32:35Yeah
32:36These liquids?
32:37You get them taken off, you're on a plate
32:38Ah, bath pearls
32:40Yeah, but they need to melt
32:42Quick time, bruv
32:44This is liquid
32:45Liquid
32:48What's this?
32:49Oh!
32:50Ice!
32:51Ice!
32:52Hold on, hold on
32:53There's something in here
32:54And it says
32:55Decking cleaning
32:56Yeah, that's how I clean the decking
32:59Oh, you've just activated it, yeah
33:01OK
33:02Yeah
33:03So it's started?
33:04Yeah, it's going on the suit to the decking
33:07Oh!
33:09Oh!
33:10OK, I'll be a bit of understanding now
33:13Oh, look, there's a little thing here
33:15Right, here we go
33:16Can I do that?
33:17Let's try it
33:18Oh!
33:19It's working?
33:20Yeah, of course it's working, I made it
33:29LAUGHTER
33:30Something's happening
33:31Where did that come from?
33:32Did it go into the tin?
33:33No
33:34Ah
33:35The tin was the other way
33:36Because I was waiting for it to come from then
33:37That's a shame
33:38Excuse me
33:39There's something that could be quicker, isn't there?
33:40You know there is
33:41Oh, are these real grapes?
33:42All right, we're going to squash the grapes
33:43What's out here?
33:44Are you kidding me?
33:4524 seconds
33:46Why didn't I look out here?
33:47Oh my God
33:48You haven't got that long
33:49I've busted the pearls
33:50You busted the pearls?
33:51Yeah, bro
33:52Have I?
33:53You still got a couple of seconds
33:54Have I?
33:55You're going to have to be really quick
33:57OK, OK, OK OK
33:59Mmm, I'm curious
34:00These are not real man
34:01Then look at what burst, look
34:02Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
34:04I'm sorry I'm sorry
34:06I'm sorry
34:08I'm sorry
34:09I'm sorry
34:10I'm sorry
34:11I'm sorry
34:12I'm sorry
34:13I'm sorry
34:14I'm sorry
34:15I'm sorry
34:16I
34:20I'm sorry
34:21I'm sorry
34:21I'm sorry.
34:28The question I found myself asking was how much you understand
34:31about the way that liquids work.
34:34Quake me if I'm wrong, you just put the tin on its side.
34:39Yeah.
34:40So, did you think it would flow in and then just...
34:43Just do it.
34:44Stay there.
34:45At the moment, I'm just gathering information so I understand.
34:52So, it's two wet men now, Jason and Mason.
34:56Here we go.
34:58OK.
35:03Solid.
35:04For now.
35:12It is quite a powerful shower, so beware.
35:16That's how I like my showers.
35:18Good to get a nice flow in the morning.
35:20What?
35:21Why would you say that?
35:34Breakfast drink!
35:38Alex, could you go hand me that?
35:39I'm not allowed out of the Submariner.
35:40OK.
35:46Have I left the caravan?
35:48Where are your feet?
35:49My feet are inside of it, I believe.
35:51You're fine.
35:52Thank you, sir.
35:56This is how I have to get it every morning.
35:57It's a nightmare.
36:01Ooh, this is dicey.
36:03Ooh, I don't love this.
36:04Not a problem.
36:14It's a small triumph.
36:18OK.
36:21Is this piss?
36:23OK, this seems like it's part of that shower.
36:25Why didn't all that water come out?
36:27Is it doing anything when I did that?
36:28Yeah, it's leaking.
36:31This is going to take ages, isn't it?
36:34It's almost as if these tasks are designed to make a fool of you.
36:44It's quite beautiful, though.
36:45Mmm.
36:47I've got all this liquid here that I wish would just come out.
36:52Oh!
36:53Damn it!
36:55God damn it!
37:00How do you get water to come out of the drain pipe over there?
37:03It looks like some sort of Rube Goldberg machine.
37:08OK.
37:09Let's see if this works.
37:14Ooh, here it comes.
37:15Something's happening.
37:16Yeah, that's exciting.
37:18Oh, dear.
37:19That's just my leg.
37:20Mmm.
37:21And my skin.
37:22I guess if you bleed into it, that'll help.
37:24Not a bad point.
37:26I've cut myself.
37:27That's my blood now.
37:3420 seconds.
37:3620 seconds?!
37:37Oh, you fucking...
37:38Five seconds.
37:39WHISTLE BLOWS
37:40WHISTLE BLOWS
37:41Well, that's your time up.
37:47This is an awful lot of sort of latent rage with both of you.
37:52How do you feel spending time with Alex Horne?
37:54Oh, no, I understand that.
37:56I feel very angry.
37:58But this rage, Matthew, did you feel it in the caravan?
38:02Very, very often.
38:03Not just in the caravan.
38:04Yeah.
38:05Almost every time I read a task, it was immediate.
38:09But you, up to this stage, you've been very gentle, very amenable,
38:12and at one point, you managed to get the breakfast drink in,
38:15using the grabber, and you really cockily went,
38:18not a problem.
38:22They both did very well in there.
38:23I can't tell you yet how well.
38:24OK, time for the last break of the show.
38:27Some snooty prizes will be won, including a hat from Eton
38:30and a painting of a tortoise as a war general.
38:33The middle class is lovers!
38:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:44Oh!
38:46Well, here we are, then.
38:48I can't believe it.
38:49It's part four, and there's just one person left to go in the task
38:52where they have to fill the can with the most liquid.
38:54Yes!
38:55Well, you'd better believe it, Greg,
38:56and you'd better also believey it's time for Stevie!
39:04Couldn't have been that easy, could it?
39:06Are you trying to turn the tap on?
39:07Yeah, obviously, that would be number one, what I'd be trying to do.
39:10OK.
39:15Ice.
39:16What's going on with the ice?
39:17I'm holding it in my hand so that it warms and drips.
39:23OK, OK.
39:25Now we're cooking with gas.
39:27Wait, is wax a liquid?
39:29It is when it's liquid.
39:31OK, I'm going to set fire to this.
39:32Right.
39:33Start a small fire.
39:35That's going to keep it warm.
39:37Erm...
39:38I'll just squeeze a few breaks.
39:41What did you use this, Greg?
39:44It's not worked.
39:45I'll just put it over the sink.
39:48Liquid, you say?
39:50What have you made?
39:51Straws?
39:52I could wait.
39:54I think what I would gain in amount of liquid,
39:57I'd lose in every other element.
40:00Why's that window open?
40:01OK!
40:03I can't...
40:05So I can't leave?
40:08Three minutes, Stevie.
40:09Yeah!
40:13OK.
40:14What do you think is going to happen?
40:15Yes.
40:16What do you think is going to happen?
40:24How in God's name are you meant to do that?
40:27It's not like a long litter picker that I've not seen.
40:30Probably. One minute left.
40:31What are you talking about, Robbie?
40:33What are you talking about, Robbie?
40:39Oh, shut up.
40:41Shut up.
40:4332 seconds.
40:44Yes!
40:46OK, I'm bringing him home.
40:47Right.
40:4823 seconds.
40:49Shut up!
40:50Oh, Jesus.
40:51Oh, Christ.
40:53About a 15-second brief.
40:54Oh, Jesus.
40:55Oh, Christ.
40:56Oh.
40:58About a 15-second brief.
40:59Oh, Jesus!
41:00Yes!
41:01Yes!
41:06That's the timer.
41:15It was absolutely dreadful.
41:16Yeah, it was awful.
41:17Yeah.
41:18I really enjoyed watching it.
41:19Yes.
41:20Well, it was the worst, Stevie's one, by far.
41:22We've actually measured them.
41:23We froze the water.
41:24It's the easiest way to represent what you did.
41:25You froze the amount of liquid?
41:26Yeah.
41:27Oh, nice!
41:28Into ducts.
41:29Oh!
41:30Oh!
41:31So, I'd like to see Matthew's ducts.
41:32Cute.
41:34Wow!
41:35Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
41:36The breakfast drink gave it that lovely colour.
41:37So, if we see that on the graph.
41:39Stevie, you've only got 2.5 ducts, 219 millilitres.
41:43Then we've got Rosie, six ducts.
41:46Matthew, you've got your 10.7 ducts, of course.
41:48Wow.
41:49Jason, 16.2 ducts.
41:51Shhh!
41:52But Fatia, 8.6 ducts, so slightly less.
41:54LAUGHTER
41:57So, as you can see, it's one point to Stevie,
41:59two to Rosie, three to Fatia, four to Matt,
42:01and five to Jason Mantzuka.
42:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:07Right, please make your way to the stage
42:09for the final task of the show!
42:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:13To the first ball in the land, you know that?
42:14I'm good at jumping.
42:15LAUGHTER
42:16He's having a pop at you, you know that.
42:17And you're going to let him chat to your woman like that?
42:19LAUGHTER
42:20Who's going to read the task game?
42:21I think Jason should read this one, please.
42:22Here we go.
42:23Choose an item from each box and place them on the corresponding half of your table.
42:27You have one minute, your time starts on the whistle.
42:29There are ten items in the boxes all together.
42:30You're each going to have two items on your table in the end,
42:32one on the right-hand side from the right box,
42:33one on the left-hand side from the left-hand side from the left box.
42:34You've only got a minute, so you're going to have to decide who gets which in your own way.
42:35LAUGHTER
42:36Ready, everybody? One minute. On the whistle.
42:49Right, OK. Let's open boxes.
42:54to decide who gets which in your own way ready everybody one minute on the
43:02whistle
43:10I don't know what this means
43:12you not meant to announce the joy
43:14It doesn't make sense
43:15Take an item from the right box
43:18Just the extra thing with your idea
43:20No, someone swap with your idea
43:23OK, someone swap with me because I'm not popping these
43:26I know he's going to say pop it
43:27Please put them down, that's it
43:29We've all got two items
43:30Well, Jason, you don't want to read the next task.
43:34One at a time, pass the item on your right
43:38to the person on your right,
43:40and the item on your left to the person on your left.
43:45I'll talk you through this, but you're going to end up with balloons, Fatia.
43:48That's the headline.
43:50So, Fatia, what's on the left of your table?
43:51Foil. Please give the foil to the person on your left.
43:55OK, and please give the trousers to the person on your left, Jason.
43:59And so on. So, the balls go to Rosie,
44:01the cardboard goes to Stevie,
44:03and the piping goes all the way round to Fatia.
44:06And while you're there, Fatia's going to give you a sleeping bag.
44:10And then what do I get? Do I get that?
44:11No, you're going to get the balloons.
44:13That's going to go on the right-hand side of your head.
44:14Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over they go.
44:16Matthew, please give him the safe. Thank you.
44:19The microwave goes to Matthew, and the flower goes to Rosie.
44:23I can't, I don't know.
44:25They're ready, Greg, for part three of the task.
44:29OK.
44:30Put one of your items completely inside the other item.
44:34Fastest wins.
44:36Your time starts on the whistle.
44:39It has to be completely inside the other item.
44:42It's up to you which goes in which.
44:43Your time starts...
44:45Oh, fuck that.
44:47You're going to have to put one inside the other one, Fatia.
44:49Can I blow them off?
44:50You're going to have to put them, Fatia.
44:52I feel like I know the code to the safe to go.
44:54You're going to have to put them on Christmas.
44:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:59I don't like it.
45:01Can I have your skin?
45:02I know the code, but I can't enter it.
45:05Come on.
45:07Hang on.
45:08How come I can't enter the code?
45:10How do you know the code?
45:12It's on the balloon.
45:13It is on the balloon.
45:142851, it's on the balloon, but it won't register.
45:17Matthew is safe in the foil.
45:19But I know the code.
45:22LAUGHTER
45:25I know, I did the code part.
45:27Did it wait?
45:29I didn't take you while I was out of the bag.
45:32They've got to be completely inside, Fatia.
45:33Chase has done it.
45:35They've got to be completely inside.
45:37Is that completely inside the sheet?
45:38I think it is.
45:39It is.
45:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:45That's the only score, it's your final score.
45:47Come down and join me!
45:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:52How could a simple task like that be so contentious?
45:57Yeah, so Rosie only got one point in the end, because she was the slowest by some distance.
46:02Fatia, you got two points.
46:03Jason, three points.
46:04Matt, four.
46:05But Stevie Martin's over a winner and gets five points!
46:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:09I just want to say, if my safe had worked, I would have nailed it.
46:14Jason was very unlucky, he spotted the code to the safe, which was on the balloons next to him,
46:17but I'd forgotten to change the batteries in the safe, so...
46:20LAUGHTER
46:21I mean...
46:22Fuck!
46:23It's a very interesting final scoreboard.
46:27We have three people in joint third, can you believe it?
46:29Jason, Rosie and Stevie, all in 13 points.
46:31Fatia's in second place with 15 points, but the runaway leader with 23 points,
46:35it's Matthew Bainton!
46:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39Last year, thanks for the winnings of the episode, please shoot up to the stage and claim your snooty booty!
46:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE