Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 15 Garage Sale
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00So what we do is we wait for Reese to fall asleep, then we flash some lights outside his window.
00:06It would go to the TV, but we'll have made a tape.
00:09Dewey, you're totally overthinking this.
00:13Reese, aliens landed down the street.
00:17Every man for himself.
00:22Huh.
00:23Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question?
00:35You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:46You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:59Life is unfair.
01:08Mom's coming home a week earlier from Aunt Susan's.
01:10We did alright with her gun, but we still have a couple things to take care of before she gets back.
01:16Now remember, boys, if you see the bobcat, don't be a hero.
01:29Stand on a chair and use your whistle.
01:31Get out of here, foamy, go home!
01:37You think she'll notice the grass fire?
01:40Just remember, as far as we know, Dewey has always been missing the tip of his finger.
01:44Boys, we're home!
01:47Oh, boys, I missed you so much!
01:50Get knocked on your bedroom wall!
01:52What?
01:59Honey?
01:59I know it doesn't look like much, but this is just the beginning stages of a major expansion.
02:07I have conceptual drawings here.
02:09Look, look, you see how it continues on in my hand?
02:12It was going to be something really nice for you and the baby with the window seat, and please just promise you won't get mad and leave again!
02:19Hell, I'm just so glad to be home!
02:22Oh, my sister is the most obnoxious, sanctimonious know-it-all I've ever met!
02:31She spent every minute of my visit telling me everything I've ever done wrong in my life.
02:37It was just awful!
02:38Tell me about it.
02:40Dating her was the worst five years of my life.
02:43Well, you know why she's like that, don't you?
02:45My parents!
02:47Susan was always the pretty one.
02:49Susan was the smart one.
02:51Susan was the one with all the talent.
02:53I was the one that couldn't do anything right.
02:56Hell, it got me thinking about Reese.
02:58As if you weren't feeling bad enough.
03:00No, hell, I don't think that we give Reese enough credit.
03:05I think that if we gave Reese a little more responsibility, he would rise to the challenge.
03:10No, I'm not talking about giving him a key to the house or anything.
03:14I just think some encouragement would do him good.
03:18Okay.
03:20Ooh, honey.
03:22Come here.
03:23The eggs have hatched.
03:28Joey, Mom's phone.
03:36Huh?
03:38Oh, right.
03:41So, it's going to cost at least $800 to close up the wall.
03:45Well, I suppose I can go back to work at the drugstore.
03:48Really?
03:49Yeah.
03:49I'm sure I can stand on my feet for eight hours a day.
03:52And if you fall, the amniotic fluid provides a great cushion.
03:57We'll think of something.
03:59Hey, there's tons of stuff we don't use in the garage.
04:02Why don't we just put it out on the front lawn and see if we can sell it?
04:05You make a garage sale?
04:07That's a terrific idea, Reese.
04:09Don't you think that's a great idea, Hal?
04:11Actually, I was the one who...
04:12And you know what?
04:13You can be in charge.
04:16You can organize all this stuff.
04:17You can set the prices.
04:18You can pick the date.
04:20Why?
04:20I didn't do anything.
04:21Reese, this isn't a punishment.
04:23This is us demonstrating our faith in you.
04:26Because I know you are going to do a great job.
04:30We believe in you.
04:32Don't we, Hal?
04:33For God's sake, he's my son.
04:37I mean, I love him.
04:38Just answer the question, Hal.
04:41Who wants juice?
04:43I do.
04:45You can't just sell all my old stuff.
04:48Everything in that garage represents a precious childhood memory.
04:52It's a bunch of old magazines.
04:54A broken yo-yo and a Rubik's Cube painted all one color.
04:58Will you try and solve that thing?
05:00I'm not going to argue with you.
05:02You have ten seconds to come over the good reason to keep all that junk or I'm getting rid of it.
05:07See, this is why you are a terrible mother.
05:10Because everything has to be a competition with you.
05:12Oh, it does not.
05:14I'm hanging up.
05:15I'm hanging up first.
05:16No, I'm hanging.
05:17Damn it.
05:18You mustn't talk about your family like that, Francis.
05:22There is nothing more important than...
05:27The letter from our son, Rutger.
05:33We must hide this immediately.
05:35Why do you have to hide a letter from your son?
05:39I don't know.
05:40What are you doing?
05:42Nothing.
05:42Because this did not happen.
05:45Nothing happened.
05:46Except for me telling you that nothing happened.
05:49That happened.
05:49But only that.
05:52Things will begin to happen again.
05:54Starting...
05:56Now!
05:57Oh, look.
05:58The mail came.
06:01As soon as the swelling in my ankles goes down,
06:04and I'm going to get right back to work with you boys.
06:06Thank you, honey.
06:08No matter what it does to the baby.
06:12Reese, if you put the heavy boxes down first
06:14and then stack the light ones on top...
06:16It just kills you.
06:17I'm in charge.
06:18Doesn't it?
06:23Oh!
06:24Wow!
06:25What's that?
06:25This is the transmitter from the pirate radio station
06:29I had in college.
06:31I mean, it was only a couple of watts,
06:32but I brought the truth to everyone
06:34within three blocks of the west side of campus
06:37until the FCC shut me down
06:40for telling it like it was.
06:43And for not having a license.
06:46You see, the way it works...
06:47I was just trying to be polite.
06:49I didn't think you were going to punish me for it.
06:54Hey there, Sparky.
06:56So half the campus is goose-stepping down to the bonfire
07:00to be brainwashed by the Stepford cheerleaders,
07:04the Pied Pipers of Pep.
07:07They want us to forget why we came to this institution,
07:10but not Kid Charlemagne.
07:13I am here to seek knowledge.
07:16Let's get going, Hale.
07:18And don't forget your head.
07:20I'm here to get...
07:20Radio?
07:28I remember this toy.
07:30I begged for it for months.
07:32It was supposed to move and talk and learn my name.
07:36But this stupid thing never worked.
07:39Robot, robot, robot, robot, robot, robot, robot.
07:44Okay, now I need a five-inch girder.
07:54Coming right off.
08:02Hey, look.
08:03My baseball glove.
08:06Hey, look.
08:08My baseball glove.
08:09Dad, is this yours?
08:17No, it must have been my roommate's.
08:18You know, I think it might be some...
08:19Throw it out.
08:20It's garbage.
08:21Reese, maybe we should try to find out what it is.
08:24Mom!
08:25Malcolm's not respecting my leadership!
08:27Malcolm, you respect Reese's leadership!
08:30Jeremiah was a bullfrog!
08:49Come on.
08:51Come on.
08:51Come on.
08:52Come on.
08:53Come on.
08:58Yes!
08:58He said he'd return. He couldn't be silenced. Kid Charlemagne is back on the air.
09:06Otto always planned that when Rutger finished college he would come out here and live with us on the ranch.
09:13But instead he insisted on going to medical school.
09:16And when he was named chief surgeon of his hospital, Otto was crushed.
09:21That's so strange he never mentioned any of this.
09:24That is Otto's Teutonic pride. He will never ever show his feelings to anyone.
09:31Welcome to the Grotto. I'm sure you will enjoy your stay.
09:38And don't forget to visit the gift shop.
09:42Perhaps tomorrow you would like to go horseback riding an Oculus pony.
09:59Welcome! Dinner! Help! I'm not gonna call you again!
10:03There are so many things the government doesn't want you to know.
10:08And that's why they don't want Kid Charlemagne on this mic.
10:14Do I love my country? Yes.
10:16Do I vote? I used to.
10:18Until they moved our polling place to the house with the big dog.
10:22Help! I said dinner!
10:25Kid Charlemagne is back on the air!
10:34I think we should start the garage sale around 7 because serious shoppers like to get an early start.
10:40Unless you have a different idea, which I'm sure would be great.
10:43I was thinking 11.30, so I could watch cartoons.
10:47Oh. So, you'll be well rested and better able to focus. Good thinking.
10:55Where were you this afternoon?
10:56I instructed you to separate the twist ties according to length.
11:00He's been like this all day.
11:02I was doing homework.
11:04No homework takes more than 20 minutes.
11:08Hey, Al. What are you doing out there?
11:10I've been gone for six weeks and now that I'm home, I barely see you.
11:13I missed you too. Why don't I put on some music?
11:16What is this childish need you have to defy my authority?
11:19Bite me.
11:20Just when I was starting to feel confident in my abilities.
11:23Malcolm, I am sick of you always putting your brother down.
11:27This is Reese's project and you are going to be supportive.
11:30If the government doesn't have a car that runs on water, then what are they building all those dams for?
11:35Now, Reese is in charge of this garage sale and you are going to obey him.
11:40No matter what he asks you to do, you are going to do it.
11:43But he's...
11:44Malcolm, you can either let him be in charge of you for the garage sale,
11:47or you can let him be in charge of you every day for the rest of your life.
11:53In case you haven't noticed, Evian spelled backwards is naive.
11:58Wow, it's like that guy is saying what we're all thinking.
12:02Hal, will you turn that racket off?
12:05I guess I can't expect a suburban housewife to understand.
12:10The British sure is Russian. I don't know what it means, but I know...
12:20Dewey, what are you doing?
12:22A tennis ball doesn't go with the football. It goes with the ceramic bananas.
12:26This is stupid. Why are we sorting everything by color?
12:30Because I say so. Because alphabetical order was slowing us down.
12:35Us?
12:37This better be good. They'll be hell to pay if Jellybean wakes up from her massage and doesn't see me on the table next to her.
12:46Oh my God! Is that a Norterre?
12:49It's a Norterre 680B. It's like the first personal computer ever made.
12:54You have an interest in this type of stuff, don't you?
12:57There aren't many of these left. I'll give you five bucks for it.
13:01Yeah, right. I checked online. This is in mint condition. It's worth at least $1,300.
13:06Deal! No take backs. Double black magic, tap it, bomb it, flush it down the toilet.
13:11You understand it's going to take me a couple days to get the money.
13:14That's exactly what I want. I want you to buy it this Saturday at our garage sale in front of everybody with cash.
13:23You're going to react into horror when I tell you Reese was going to throw this in the trash.
13:27And then you're going to tell everyone they should have listened to me all along.
13:32You know, right now you're sounding a lot like a James Bond villain.
13:35Me? There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. And right. And right.
13:43And on Saturday, everyone's going to know it.
13:46Okay, but these revenge plans have a way of backfiring.
13:50Word to the wise, if you ever make someone an ex-lax milkshake, don't do it on an empty stomach.
13:56Someone is looking down at you from a satellite with his finger on the death beam.
14:02And somewhere, someone is watching him. But who's watching that?
14:07Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
14:29Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?
14:39Certainly not for operating an illegal pirate radio station.
14:42I mean, even if I did have the equipment in college, I wouldn't have kept it and be using it today.
14:47What's one of all these questions anyway? Do you have a warrant?
14:50You ran a stop sign a half mile back.
14:53What? There's no stop sign back there.
14:56It's at the driveway to the country club. They just put it up.
15:02That stop sign is a declaration of war.
15:07It's for the fat cats up on top of a hill playing golf, while us regular Joes are late for our second job, or church, or dinner with our families.
15:17I'm sorry I missed little Bobby's first steps, honey, but I had to come to a complete stop just because those robber barons can't look both ways.
15:28Gretchen, what are you doing?
15:31I was just going through some of Rutger's things from when he was a boy.
15:41Boy? I don't remember that he was so fat.
15:46Shloopy!
15:48Who's Shloopy?
15:49Otto and Rutger used to love Shloopy. Otto would put Shloopy on and Rutger would laugh and laugh.
15:57It was almost like a little brother to him. Shloopy could say all of the things that Otto couldn't.
16:06Like go to bed and behave yourself and take your finger out of there. It's disgusting.
16:14Oh, the love in that house. Now it's gone.
16:24Gretchen, I hate seeing you so upset. You've got to talk to Otto about this.
16:29Well, there's no getting through to him. He won't even admit that anything is wrong.
16:34Oh, Oklahoma, where's the wind? Come sweeping down the plain. And the way we...
16:53So you have the money, right?
16:54Yes. It cost me three little Lulu's and a Captain Picard plate. I hope you're happy.
16:58I'll go get the computer. You memorize this script.
17:02Rhys, that's a great idea you're probably having to help that lady who's trying to buy something.
17:11Yeah, okay.
17:14Can I help you?
17:16How much for the vacuum?
17:17That's a set. You can only buy that if you buy the lamp.
17:21But I don't need a lamp.
17:22Then you don't need a vacuum.
17:24She'll be back.
17:28And the lamp isn't going without the blender.
17:33You've obviously put a lot of thought into this.
17:37Where the heck does your father keep disappearing to?
17:41And then a stop sign army spring into action.
17:45All in support of the military industrial country club complex.
17:50But that's not where it ends.
17:53Ooh.
17:54Okay, pay attention to this.
17:58How many sides to a stop sign?
18:01Eight.
18:02That's just a little too close to the number of judges on the Supreme Court for this citizen.
18:12Hang on a second, America.
18:13Thank you very much.
18:33That's my piggy bank!
18:35That was in my room!
18:37Relax, Debois, I got two bucks for it.
18:39It had sixteen dollars in it!
18:42Wah wah!
18:44Spill milk.
18:48Mom!
18:49Stupid Reese just did the stupidest thing to my-
18:51You're as bad as Malcolm!
18:52I don't want to hear any more complaining out of you for the rest of the day!
18:56Understood?
18:57Now go!
18:58Help your brother!
19:02Excuse me.
19:03Do you have a microwave for sale?
19:04No.
19:05Well, actually, yes.
19:06Yes, we do.
19:07Follow me.
19:08Excuse me, Malcolm.
19:09It's me, Craig.
19:10What's that you're holding in your hands?
19:11You mean this thing that I've been trying to save that Reese has insisted all along was mere junk?
19:16Mere junk?
19:17Mere junk?
19:18Why, your brother couldn't be more wrong, nor you more right.
19:22Please allow me to buy it from you for the princely sum of-
19:25Come with me!
19:26Oh!
19:27Dad, what are you doing?
19:28Craig, get back here!
19:29Mom!
19:30What are you doing with that?
19:31I ordered you to throw this away!
19:32Let go of it, you idiot!
19:33Give it!
19:34No, I'm gonna talk-
19:35There you go!
19:36There you go!
19:38No, no, no.
19:39No, no, no!
19:40No, no, no, no.
19:41No, no, no, no, no, no.
19:42No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:43No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
19:44It's like a sequel!
19:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
19:47Please allow me to buy it from you for the princely sum of me-
19:50Come with me!
19:52Dad, what are you doing?!
19:53Craig, get back here!
19:55Mom!
19:56What are you doing?
19:57I ordered you to throw this away!
19:58Let go of it, you idiot!
20:00Get it!
20:01I'm a little talk-
20:02There you go!
20:03Sixteen dollars.
20:04Thank you!
20:05Hey, is that stereo for sale?
20:06We don't think that the Constitution is an empty promise.
20:11We believe in the Bill of Rights, don't we?
20:13Well, I never understood what the big deal was about quartering soldiers.
20:16I mean, as long as I don't have to change in front of them.
20:19It's the spirit of free speech.
20:22It's the fundamental freedom that thousands of men have given their lives for.
20:26Hang a left ear on a ribbon.
20:28Attention.
20:29You are conducting a broadcast direct violation of FCC Rule 27.
20:34Pull over.
20:34I'm not going down without a fight.
20:38I'm the voice of the little man.
20:41The man on the girder.
20:43The man on the streets.
20:44The man that fights the man.
20:48Oh my God.
20:49You're King Charlemagne.
20:53Give it.
20:54No.
20:55Let go.
20:56Reese, don't you stupid jackass.
20:58You don't even know what you're doing.
20:59That is enough out of you.
21:01Are you really so insecure that you can't stand anyone else getting any attention?
21:06Your brother has worked so hard to make this yard sale a success.
21:10He doesn't need you undermining him at every turn.
21:13Mom, you have to listen to me.
21:16We have a Norterra 680B.
21:18It's a type of computer that was built in 1976.
21:22There's only a few in existence and Craig is going to give us $1,300 for it.
21:28$1,300?
21:29Oh my God.
21:37What are you doing?
21:40I have a lot of things to sell and I don't have time to argue with this bozo.
21:44I've got a jet ski on hold and the place closes at 6.
21:48What are you talking about?
21:49I'm buying a jet ski with my yard sale money.
21:52That money isn't yours.
21:54It's going to rebuild our bedroom wall.
21:56But you said I was in charge.
21:58That means I get the money.
21:59No, it doesn't.
22:01Then why the hell would I want to be in charge?
22:03Reese, this is helping you become a better person by building your self-esteem,
22:08which you are obviously going to need
22:10if you are stupid enough to throw away $1,300 that this family desperately needs.
22:18I'm cooperating.
22:23I never met this man before.
22:25I hate the Constitution.
22:27I hate free speech.
22:28I'll stitch.
22:30I know things.
22:31What on earth?
22:33Government nature.
22:36Fair warning, sir.
22:38Money now is an additional $80 to your fine.
22:42I don't come out.
22:45I know you're in here.
22:47This is ridiculous.
22:49It's been three days.
22:51Look, I know you don't want to talk about this,
22:54but you can't just keep hiding.
22:58Are you happy like this?
23:00Don't I look happy?
23:04Gretchen is freaking out.
23:05The guests are leaving in droves,
23:07and Muffy wants her stall back.
23:10You have to stop this.
23:11There is nothing to stop because there is nothing wrong.
23:16Now go away.
23:19Look, if there's one thing I'm an expert at
23:21is pointless family conflict.
23:24And if Rooker is anything like me,
23:26you're going to have to make the first move.
23:29That means you're going to have to deal with your feelings.
23:32I can't.
23:35I know you can't.
23:37That's why I want you to do something for me.
23:39Look at your wedding ring.
23:42Hmm?
23:48Shloopy?
23:49Yes.
23:50Shloopy.
23:52I think it's about time he weighed in on all this.
23:54I guess I was a little disappointed
24:03when Rooker wouldn't come.
24:07And then when the letters came,
24:10it was so painful I couldn't bear it.
24:13I love him so much, Francis.
24:18I swore that I would never do that to my son.
24:22And now look.
24:26Rooker is such a wonderful boy.
24:28He's so sensitive.
24:30He's so bright.
24:32I'm going to get Shloopy a phone.
24:39I'll tell you one thing.
24:40Twenty years ago,
24:41I would have cleared that fence.
24:43And the open manhole.
24:44Oh, God.
24:46How could I have been so wrong about Reese?
24:50Hal, just say it again, please.
24:52I really need to hear it.
24:53Okay.
24:55Reese
24:56is hopeless.
25:04Sorry.
25:05Hello.
25:06Mom?
25:07Francis?
25:08Listen, I've been doing some thinking,
25:10and I just wanted to tell you that
25:12even though we haven't always gotten along,
25:16I guess you thought you were doing what was best for me.
25:18And, well, I appreciate it.
25:22Wow, Francis, what brought this on?
25:25I don't know.
25:27I guess I just had a breakthrough.
25:29Anyway, I wanted to tell you about this thing
25:31that happened in junior high.
25:32We'll see you next time.
25:37We'll see you next time.
25:37We'll see you next time.
25:37We'll see you next time.
25:42We'll see you next time.
25:45We'll see you next time.
25:47We'll see you next time.
25:47We'll see you next time.
25:50We'll see you next time.
25:52We'll see you next time.
25:58We'll see you next time.
25:58Transcription by CastingWords