Murphy Brown Season 8 Episode 7 The Feminine Critique
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00:00And we're clear!
00:02Oh, boy. This is one week I am glad to see Ann.
00:06Hey, last one over to Phil's. Bye's first round.
00:09So, Murph, uh, you coming?
00:11I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
00:13Oh, you knocked this again.
00:16Hey, my college is giving me an honorary doctorate.
00:19I don't think it's too much to ask that everyone address me as Dr. Brown.
00:22I still say it sounds like cream soda.
00:25There's one that tastes like celery, too. Who drinks it?
00:27You know, sir, it really is just an honorary degree.
00:30They hand those out to everyone these days.
00:33Why, if I'm not mistaken, it's even Dr. Heather Locklear now.
00:37You lay people are so jealous.
00:40I still don't understand why you're getting this degree in the first place.
00:44Lord knows it's not like you made any generous donations.
00:47Well, despite the obvious Humboldt Awards, Emmy Awards, my impish charm,
00:52I was also instrumental in forcing the school to establish a women's studies program.
00:56So, how many of you are coming up for the ceremony?
00:59I'm delivering a speech.
01:02Like, we don't get to hear you give one of those every day.
01:07Oh, what's up?
01:14What?
01:15Oh, dear Lord.
01:17Look.
01:18Look at this.
01:19Is everybody okay?
01:20Yeah, the show was clear, Miles.
01:21No one was hurt.
01:22Thank God.
01:23Oh, but if my insurance company calls, you never heard that.
01:28Oh, my God, are you all right?
01:30Yeah, I'm fine.
01:31Hey, is this what they do, Regis and Kathy Lee?
01:34I don't believe this.
01:37They told us that window was indestructible.
01:39Of course, they suppose nothing is indestructible when you drive a Mack truck for a little.
01:43Well, that's been my experience.
01:44This is what you get when you put a big, stupid window right on street level where any moron
01:50can smash into it.
01:51No offense.
01:52Actually, there is.
01:53You drove through our building, for God's sake.
01:58Can you imagine if this had happened a few minutes ago?
02:01We'd all be dead.
02:02My last words would have been about celery soda.
02:06My chair.
02:08That's my chair.
02:10I would have been right here.
02:12And here.
02:13And here.
02:15Oh, my God.
02:16What a close call.
02:17I can just see the headlines.
02:19Dr. Brown crushed by truck.
02:21Really, sucker.
02:22You were sitting right here.
02:23The truck would have missed you entirely.
02:27Yes, you're right.
02:28So, the headline would have read,
02:30Dr. Brown narrowly missed by truck.
02:32Others crushed.
02:34What?
02:41I still can't believe this.
02:42Murphy gets an honorary degree, so we have to do an FYI on campus.
02:46Need I remind you, there's a truck in our studio.
02:50We had to broadcast from somewhere.
02:52Well, why can't we share someone else's studio?
02:54Like the evening news.
02:55Are you serious?
02:56Dead rather?
02:57Shared?
02:58Man's his territory.
02:59It was a junkyard dog.
03:01Where is Murphy?
03:02I'll let you go to the meter here.
03:03Well, I think doing an FYI on the road was a very smart, creative solution.
03:08Thank you, Corky.
03:09You're not just saying that because I'm your husband, are you?
03:13Maybe.
03:15You know, you all should be viewing this as an opportunity.
03:18Frank gets to report on campus activism.
03:21Corky will be examining new sexual attitudes.
03:23This is all good.
03:24Until now, our show has virtually ignored Generation X.
03:27And why shouldn't we, Starbucks-willing slackers?
03:30Which brings us to this hall.
03:34The very hall I used to walk down on my way to class and on my way back from class.
03:39That's enough.
03:40What a day.
03:41It's like I'm on an archaeological dig learning all the long-lost secrets of Murphy Brown.
03:46The co-ed years.
03:49Lord, have mercy.
03:50All the questions are being answered.
03:52All the buried riches of her past revealed.
03:56Well, you know, as much as I'd love to continue this journey back to the Murphozoic era,
04:01I've got some work to do.
04:02Hey, you're gonna miss my dorm room.
04:04Yeah, and I'd love to stay, Slugger.
04:06I should really go talk with some students for my commentary.
04:09You know, groom bun, where their heads are at.
04:12They don't use that phrase anymore, Jim.
04:14In fact, I don't think they ever did.
04:15Oh, I suppose they have some new hep slacker phrase.
04:20All right, Carl, let's start with...
04:21You know, Murphy, I think we might have enough color of you by now.
04:25What are you talking about?
04:26Oh, I don't know.
04:27I just think the six hours we shot of where you used to sit in a library,
04:31where you used to sit in a dining hall,
04:33where you used to sit in English class,
04:35and where you used to sit in psych class
04:37will probably suffice for the where Murphy used to sit segment.
04:41Miles, we're talking about my dorm room here.
04:44My dorm room, where I learned and laughed and...
04:48I loved and cried, I know.
04:50It's a dorm room, not the tomb of Tutankhamen.
04:52For the love of God, Miles, we haven't come this far to turn back now.
04:57Okay, okay, we'll go in, but this is it.
05:09Oh, my God.
05:11This is it, Miles.
05:13My room.
05:15And it's exactly how I remember it.
05:19Except for the Flaming Lips poster and...
05:21and the picture of this family I've never seen before.
05:25So, this is what a fancy Ivy League college room looks like, huh?
05:31Boy, for 20 grand a year,
05:33you'd think there'd be a hot tub or something.
05:35Wow!
05:39Murphy, you're not having some kind of a drug flashback, are you?
05:51Uh, hi?
05:53Hi.
05:54Oh, hi.
05:55I'm sorry.
05:56The door was open and we just kinda...
05:57Oh, God.
05:58My parents sent you, didn't they?
06:00Well, I don't care.
06:02You can tell them if I want to major in art history and date an African American guy,
06:06that is my business.
06:07We're not doing a story on you and your parents didn't send us.
06:11Oh, well, what the heck are you gonna do with an art history major?
06:16Hi, I'm Murphy Brown.
06:17This used to be my room.
06:18Really?
06:19Yeah.
06:20Huh.
06:21I always heard it was Diane Sawyer who lost her virginity here.
06:23During finals on that bed.
06:25Well, I guess it was you.
06:26I'll give you $200 for it.
06:28Yes.
06:30Actually, that story's not entirely true.
06:33Nope.
06:34It was, uh, more like midterms and it was...
06:41Jane Pauley.
06:45I can't tell you how excited I am about going to a women's studies class with you, Murphy.
06:49I haven't been exposed to feminism that much.
06:51Well, except for the Miss America pageant by Miss Rhode Island,
06:55but I think you would classify that as more of a cunnelon.
06:58You can bear to have your eyes open and your consciousness raised, Quarky.
07:03This kind of class represents the sort of thinking that made me the woman I am today.
07:07Plus, I practically created the whole program, so it's like, I don't know, Shakespeare sitting in an English class or something.
07:16Hi.
07:17We were told we could sit in today.
07:19This is Quarky Sherwood and I'm Dr. Murphy Brown.
07:22Hello.
07:24I'm Susan.
07:26Well, thank you for having us, Susan.
07:28Um, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I am partly responsible for there being a women's studies program here.
07:35Yes, I believe that was mentioned in the press release you sent us.
07:39So where's the class? I thought it started at 1.30.
07:42It does.
07:43But one of the negative traits of the patriarchy is a rigid adherence to schedules, so we don't follow them that closely.
07:50Ah, yes, the patriarchy.
07:52Hear that, Quarky?
07:54Good afternoon, everyone.
07:57We'll be having two guests with us today.
08:00Murphy Brown and Quarky Sherwood.
08:03Um, actually, that's Dr. Murphy Brown, but thank you for letting us observe.
08:07I'm not sure if you realize this, but I'm partly responsible for their being a...
08:12They got the press release, too.
08:14Great.
08:15Well, I'm...
08:17I'm just so proud to see you, my sisters, just carrying on the cause.
08:24So, just go on with whatever you were doing and pretend we're not here.
08:29Unless, of course, the name Sylvia Plath comes up, and then I might not be able to resist sharing some insights from my senior thesis with you.
08:38So, has anyone had an ouch experience since the last class that they feel comfortable sharing?
08:46What's an ouch experience?
08:48Um...
08:49An ouch experience is when someone's been the victim of sexism.
08:53Oh, right, right. I think we had another term for it. Um, an ouch trip, maybe.
08:57Maybe. It's been a while.
08:58We try to maintain a safe space in the classroom so that silenced women feel free to speak out in a secure, gynocentric ambiance.
09:09I've never been a big fan of gynocentric ambiances. They always seem to end with my feet up in the stirrups.
09:15But, I believe someone was about to share an ouch experience.
09:27Well, I was walking across campus yesterday when I passed a large group of men playing football in the quad, and I was victimized.
09:36A bunch of jocks attacked you?
09:38No, they didn't physically assault me.
09:40Oh, thank goodness.
09:41Oh, but they verbally attacked her, Corky, and that kind of harassment isn't any more acceptable.
09:46No, they didn't verbally assault me, either.
09:48Oh. Well, what'd they do, then?
09:50They played football.
09:52And even though I wasn't victimized directly or in any perceptible way, I felt victimized.
09:59And it was an absolutely horrifying experience.
10:07I got an obscene phone call last night.
10:09Oh, no, not again.
10:12Uh-huh.
10:13It was the wrong number.
10:14And when I told him it was the wrong number, he said,
10:18Thanks, honey.
10:20And, uh, I felt victimized.
10:26Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, and these stories are all fascinating, but I thought this was a seminar on women's literature.
10:33No, this is an ovular on women's literature.
10:36Seminar is an offensively masculinist term.
10:41I don't get it.
10:42Seminar.
10:43Semen.
10:44Well, I get that.
10:47No, I mean, I don't understand why this class is so preoccupied with personal stories and victimization.
10:53I mean, where's the educational value in that?
10:55I agree.
10:56Can we talk about my period?
10:58This is a feminist class, Murphy, and feminist consciousness is a consciousness of victimization.
11:06I'm a feminist and I'm not a victim.
11:08Just a fashion one.
11:09Just kidding, Murphy.
11:12Actually, she has some really nice clothes.
11:15The fact that you're not aware you're a victim only shows that you've bought into a patriarchal system where men strive to subjugate you.
11:22Right, but that's okay.
11:23Your consciousness probably isn't raised enough to realize it.
11:27My consciousness is very raised and I don't need your patronizing, thank you.
11:31I wasn't patronizing.
11:32I was matronizing.
11:33Well, I for one want to thank you for speaking up Murphy.
11:39Not all of us see men as the problem.
11:43Or view shaving our armpits as a political statement.
11:46Oh good, it's the shit chicks.
11:48Hey, I want to get married and have a family and a career and I'm sick of being ostracized for that.
11:56And you shouldn't be.
11:57I just want to avoid all the mistakes that you made.
12:01Excuse me?
12:02You know, how you gave up a personal life and sacrificed your femininity to get where you are.
12:10It's really sort of unattractive.
12:18Well, you know, if it weren't for women like me, young feminists like you wouldn't be sitting here today with any choices.
12:24Oh, I'm not a feminist.
12:26What are you talking about?
12:27Don't you believe in equal rights?
12:29Equal pay?
12:31Reproductive freedoms?
12:32Yeah.
12:33Well, then you're a feminist.
12:34As for you, I don't know what the hell you are.
12:36What do you want anyway?
12:37To unite women in principled hostility to the males who seek to hold fast to their patriarchal privileges and to purge the curriculum of white male bias.
12:47Who are you and what have they done with your Y chromosome?
12:54I'm Adam.
12:55I'm Adam.
12:56And I'm an obnoxious male.
12:57Why did you sign up for this class?
12:59I wanted to meet girls.
13:00I'm sorry.
13:01I'm sorry.
13:02I'm sorry.
13:03Women.
13:04I wanted to meet women.
13:05Although I'm not sure why anymore.
13:06Okay, look, I know what it's like to be 20 and think you know everything, but feminism is a lot more about how you live your life than, say, protesting an astronomy class because you find the term Big Bang offensive.
13:14I'm feeling diminished by her sarcasm and...
13:17Oh, boy, there you go. Again, taking everything personally.
13:20Susan!
13:21Murphy, we respect your right to participate, but please follow the rules of this classroom and let people talk without interruption.
13:27Okay, fine, but it just seems like a way to participate.
13:29Okay, look, I know what it's like to be 20 and think you know everything, but feminism is a lot more about how you live your life than, say, protesting an astronomy class because you find the term Big Bang offensive.
13:34I am feeling diminished by her sarcasm and...
13:37Oh, boy, there you go. Again, taking everything personally.
13:39Susan!
13:40Murphy, we respect your right to participate, but please follow the rules of this classroom and let people talk without interruption.
13:43But it just seems like a waste of time to let someone finish talking when you know what they're going to say is stupid the minute...
13:48Stupid!
13:51Say, you all have good points to make.
13:55You think you're right, that women are oppressed, and sometimes they still are.
14:00And you think you're right, that women shouldn't be criticized for wanting to have families, and they shouldn't.
14:05And Murphy thinks she's right because, well, she always thinks she's right.
14:10But why do we have to let these differences divide us? I mean, we're all women. We're all in this together.
14:18Boy, they've got you wearing the high heels and the miniskirt. All you need is a dog collar and a leash and your subjugation ensemble is complete.
14:26I like what she's wearing.
14:28Are those shoes Balducci?
14:30Excuse me, but I am not subjugated.
14:33Yes, they are.
14:34If we want to continue the progress feminism has made...
14:40Oh, please! Any progress has been an illusion.
14:43Face it, your feminism is a failure.
14:45And you're not married either, so that's kind of a drag, all right.
14:51Hey, talk to me when you've lived in the real world.
14:54Bella Absick has hats with more life experience than you.
14:57Susan, Murphy's creating a power relationship and trying to dominate everyone in the room.
15:03Are you most oppressive of male traits?
15:06Well, that's what happens when you surrender your femininity.
15:10Oh, please! That is the biggest bunch of malarkey I've ever heard.
15:14Excuse me, female arty.
15:17Everyone, I think we're getting off track.
15:21Now, can we talk about my period, please?
15:23Can't you discuss that with your doctor or something?
15:26Don't silence her!
15:30You are all missing the point.
15:33While we sit here arguing, the radical religious right is working to take away everything we fought for.
15:38Open your eyes!
15:42What the hell is that?
15:45God, that is annoying.
15:55I thought I might find you here.
15:58Actually, I thought I might find you a lot of places,
16:01but I already checked the other hundred or so special spots you showed us on campus,
16:06and let me tell you, those steam tunnels are a little creepy at this hour.
16:13So what are you doing?
16:15No, I don't know.
16:16Sometimes when I was a student, I'd sit here late at night and stare out the window trying to imagine the future.
16:22Now, when I think how hard I worked for that future, only to end up with those ungrateful turncoats.
16:31Well, Murphy, a lot of young women look at you, and they don't see someone who sold out to the patriarchy or sacrificed her femininity.
16:39They look at you, and they see a role model.
16:43You know, if it hadn't been for you, it never would have even occurred to me that I could do what I'm doing.
16:50Yeah?
16:51Are you kidding?
16:52Around my house, all women's rights meant was that Daddy let Mommy use the bathroom longer than anyone else.
17:01And he wouldn't have let her do that if he'd known she was sitting in a tub crying about what her life might have been if she hadn't turned down that date with Conway Twitty.
17:08Growing up, your world did not exist for me.
17:16You know, Corky, sometimes I forget how far you've come. It's nice to know I might be a little responsible for that.
17:27Oh, it's you again.
17:29I locked the door this time.
17:30You did. I never turned in my key.
17:32Look, you know, why don't you just take the room for the weekend, okay? I'll crash my boyfriend's.
17:39Oh, thanks. And if he buys you dinner, it doesn't mean you're oppressed, okay?
17:44Yeah, whatever.
17:47Oh, you were right, Jim. They're here.
17:50Ha! Told you, Frank. Tattoo Parlor.
17:54It's possible they are very big on campus now.
17:57So how did the class go, Murph? Were you like MacArthur returning stateside after the war?
18:02No. I was more like Mussolini having his body dragged through the streets.
18:07It was really like Frank. They hated me and everything I stood for.
18:10Well, I'm afraid it's inevitable, Slugger. Once you're a generation or two removed, you're like foreign creatures to them. Just as they are to us.
18:17You and I are a generation or two removed, Jim. I don't seem foreign to you, do I?
18:23Do you have fond recollections of Buck Rogers' cereals, Uncle Miltie, or the MG convertible?
18:29Not really.
18:30You might as well be a Chinese woman from 12th century Shanghai.
18:32You know, it's funny, but when I picture myself, even after all I've done, I always see myself as college age.
18:43And then it's long until I look at someone who actually is that age that I realize how far away from that time I really am.
18:49I know. It's the same for me.
18:52Oh, please, you are college age.
18:53Hey, I have been out 10 years now, and I understand what you're saying.
18:59You think you don't change, but then you picture yourself at Harvard, jumping into the Charles River naked,
19:03and all you can think about are all the parasites you might have picked up, and you realize I've changed.
19:09Now, I can remember a time when dating a college girl was a big deal.
19:14It represented all that was mature and sophisticated in life.
19:18Then you hit 40 and realized you were making a fool of yourself.
19:21Hey, she was a grad student, and she was wise beyond her years.
19:28I don't know, maybe it's me.
19:31I got lazy and forgot to fight.
19:34I mean, the ERA loses enough times, and finally you just get used to it.
19:39I might have disagreed with them, but those college kids had a passion that maybe I just don't have anymore.
19:46Well, college is a time of passion.
19:49My God, we used to stay up until the wee hours discussing everything.
19:53Politics, philosophy, art, and it mattered. Everything mattered.
19:57I miss that passion. The kind where you'd stay up all night with friends and ponder the world and the universe and what it all meant.
20:07But then, I guess life happens, and before you have a chance to figure out your place in the world, you're in it.
20:12And then you die.
20:13Sorry, it's just where I go sometimes.
20:27Hey guys, you know what would lift our spirits and maybe even make us feel like we're back in college again?
20:34Pizza and Esquire magazine. Pizza and beer. Pizza and ice cream. Pizza and Motown.
20:41Well, I was going to say a bong and some righteous weed.
20:45But pizza's good too.
20:48Okay. Okay. Okay. But energy and matter can't disappear, right? So our, well, okay, let's call them souls, have to go somewhere. They can't just disappear when we die. Not physically possible.
21:09Not physically possible.
21:11You're saying reincarnation may not be quite so beyond the pale as it seems. Interesting. I wonder if they give a fellow a choice.
21:20But there's no less people in history to be reincarnated to everyone who's alive now.
21:25Animals. You're forgetting the animals. Their, let's call them souls, have to go somewhere too, don't they, Miles?
21:31Assuming they have souls. Descartes didn't think so. But I'm inclined to go the other way.
21:36We must trust the perfection of the creation so far as to believe that whatever curiosity, the order of things is awakened in our minds, the order of things can satisfy. Ralph Waldo Emerson.
21:48Wow, Frank. That's really impressive.
21:51I can't believe I remember that. It's like being on campus just brought it all back. Logarithms. I remember logarithms.
21:58I still don't understand them, but I remember them.
22:03Oh. Oh, my. Oh, would you look at that. It's dawn already. We've stayed up all night having this rap session, as the kids say.
22:11Kids don't say that anymore, Jim.
22:12Oh, I don't care. I say it. And I enjoyed it. Oh, and I should be exhausted. I feel invigorated. Oh, we must have some of that long-forgotten passion after all.
22:25Maybe we do at that. I've got to admit, tonight I almost feel 21 again.
22:29Yeah, almost.
22:30You know what you mean?
22:31Well, uh...
22:32Ow!
22:33Ow!
22:40All right, all right. So, we're not 21 anymore. But that's okay. Because you know, we were 21 once.
22:50That's right.
22:51That's right.
22:52Yeah, but you know what still bugs me? This nagging feeling that my time has passed.
22:59Oh, come on, Murph. You're a world-famous journalist. You're at the top of your profession. What are you talking about?
23:04Yeah, but I have no relevance to this next generation, and they're the ones who are going to be framing the debate.
23:10My opinions have had whatever impact they're going to have, and whether I like it or not, it's time to hand over the bullhorn.
23:16Boy, those are some inspiring words for when I accept my doctorate.
23:21You're not going to use any of that in your speech, are you?
23:23Well, does it matter? Anything I have to say to this generation of women is just going to fall on deaf ears anyway.
23:30So, what are you going to do?
23:31And if you think about it, it's all so simple. Equal rights, equal opportunities. We have no right to expect more. We can't afford to accept less.
23:48Sure, some might say men are the problem, but that isn't a solution. Nor is it right to give up the fight, for it is not yet won.
23:57The only hope we have is to respect each other and join together in making this a better place for men and women alike.
24:08It's polite to clap, class.
24:11It's polite to clap, class.
24:24What's your redneck?
24:26Tune in for The Jeff Foxworthy Show and find out.
24:29Damn straight.
24:30The show premieres Saturday, July 23rd with a two-hour block of four episodes, starting at 10, only on Nick at Night.