Murphy Brown Season 7 Episode 4 Be Careful What You Wish For
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00:00Morning, Lowell.
00:03Hey, Jim.
00:04Hey, there.
00:06Oh, don't toy with me. Just say it.
00:09What did you do? Have your ears lowered?
00:11Place your head a little too close to the weed whacker?
00:13Come on, a thru-fly!
00:15Oh! Did you get a haircut, Jim?
00:17Yes, I got a haircut. Couldn't you tell?
00:19Men practically butchered me.
00:21Boy, I'll say, if you were carrying a shotgun and outhunting wabbits,
00:25I'd swear I was talking to Elmer Fudd.
00:27Okay, people, no time for chit-chat.
00:32I have got a tip so hot I need a pair of oven mitts just to handle it.
00:36Whoa, Jim, get a little too close to the old weed whacker?
00:39So what is it, Miles? What's the tip?
00:43Don't get your hopes up, Corky.
00:45He got this excited last week when the checkout girl said that from a certain angle.
00:49He sort of looked like Matthew Broderick.
00:52What would you say if I told you the country's largest retail chain
00:56was buying clothes overseas and selling them with Made in America labels?
01:01Well, if you're talking about Beaumart, I'd say that is a pretty hot story.
01:05Well, it's only a hot story if you've got proof.
01:07You got any evidence, Miles?
01:08No, but what I do have is Ross Bowen ready and willing to do an interview next week.
01:14I know he's a tough nut to crack, sir.
01:18Tough?
01:19The last reporter to go up against that fellow's southern wiles has reduced tears.
01:23And then again, Stone Phillips always did strike me as the sensitive type.
01:28Exactly.
01:29That's why we need our toughest cowpoke to break this bucking bronco.
01:33So, Murphy, Frank, you want to arm wrestle for it?
01:36I'd love a shot at that old windbag, but I'm up to my ears in that Cuban refugee piece.
01:40Ooh, Murphy's been thrown to the ground and she's being dragged out of the ring by the rodeo clown.
01:47It's like old Tex Fontana wins by default.
01:50What do you have to say to that, you big gully?
01:53I'm sorry.
01:54Can't do it, Miles.
01:55I haven't even edited my killer bacteria story.
01:57No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:59That's the system.
02:00If it's not Murphy, it's Frank.
02:02If it's not Frank, it's Murphy.
02:04If it's not Murphy or Frank, it's Sam Donaldson scooping FYI
02:07and taunting Miles at the press club.
02:09I want the story.
02:10Perhaps, Miles, we'll get someone to cover it.
02:12Maybe there's a freelancer.
02:14No, no, no, no, no.
02:15No freelancer.
02:16Remember what happened the last time a freelancer worked for us?
02:20He promised us footage of a Soviet nuclear meltdown
02:23and delivered a grease fire at a blitz factory outside Leningrad.
02:26No.
02:27No.
02:28There's got to be a better solution.
02:30Think, people.
02:31Think.
02:32You know,
02:34you guys are overlooking an obvious choice.
02:38No.
02:39No.
02:40No.
02:41No.
02:42No.
02:43Wait.
02:44Hold it a second.
02:46The clerk is right.
02:48We get corralled.
02:50I mean, the guy's off writing poems in a swamp somewhere.
02:53No.
02:54I'm talking about me.
02:56I'd be perfect for this story.
02:58Ross Bowen and I are both from the South.
03:01I've shopped at his stores all my life,
03:03and I have nothing but free time since my expose on Melissa Gilbert fell through.
03:08Ah!
03:09Ah!
03:10Corky...
03:11Corky...
03:12Corky...
03:13Corky...
03:14You have a very specific and important function on FYI.
03:21You are the cherry on the sundae.
03:23function on fyi you are the cherry on the sundae you're the glaze on the creme brulee
03:30cream on the apple pie the jimmies on the yogurt i know i know i'm tired of always being dessert
03:38i think i deserve the right to be the main course for a change speaking for myself dessert's always
03:45been my favorite part of meal stop it you know corky i i am all for a person taking on new
03:55challenges but russ bowen i don't know he's a pretty tough customer well you all started somewhere
04:02i mean what did murphy say when miles first started fyi who does that little pisher think he is
04:09that little pisher had chutzpah and where do you think he is today sorry miles don't be i'm just
04:17impressed you use the words pisher and chutzpah in the same sentence and what about murphy when
04:23morton dean got the flu in the winter of 74 didn't a certain local news reporter persuade the network
04:29to give her dean's assignment well maybe but that and didn't that interview prove to be pivotal in
04:37launching her serious news career well sure so if a combination of pluck and good fortune
04:46gave murphy brown the chance to prove herself don't i deserve the same opportunity
04:52well i i guess corky has sort of paid her too thank you murphy
05:00so miles what do you say can i be the cowpoke that breaks this morocco
05:08well i suppose so
05:14oh miles thank you thank you so so much now if you'll excuse me i have files to pull sources to grill
05:25are you nuts what how could you get from that story it's like sending a lamb to the slaughter
05:41i didn't hear you objecting oh please i couldn't have made any more obvious hammy facial expressions
05:45that i would jim carrey
05:52oh i just rushed out of here so fast i forgot to tell you all how much your support means to me
06:01especially yours murphy
06:04you do think i can do it don't you
06:08hey you know me if i didn't think you were ready i would have said something
06:13thanks you know i won't let you down
06:18oh shut up baldy
06:26whatever you do once you sink your teeth into him don't let go
06:34murphy's written if he takes over the interview it's all over
06:36and just remember we're not called the press for nothing
06:38so you have your questions ready
06:40questions wasn't somebody else supposed to give me questions
06:43and what all that camera's here for am i gonna be on tv
06:47please stop worrying
06:51i've got everything under control so go on now
06:57shoot
06:58oh and miles
07:02you won't need to cut away to that emergency backup plan
07:06oh right like i have an emergency backup plan
07:09you clear on the emergency backup plan
07:12uh miss sherwood
07:15ross bowen
07:17oh
07:18pleasure meeting you
07:19may i say you are even prettier in person than you are on that tv
07:25well aren't you the charmer my daddy always warned me about
07:29all right we are live
07:31in five
07:33four
07:34three
07:35two
07:36good evening and welcome to fyi
07:38for your information tonight
07:40murphy brown reports on the continuing cuban refugee crisis
07:44frank fontana examines the threat of drug resistant bacteria
07:48but first
07:49corkey sherwood gives us an in-depth look at one of america's foremost entrepreneurs
07:55corkey
07:56thank you jim
07:57i'm here with ross bowen
07:59president and founder of bowmart
08:02the country's largest retail chain
08:04may i just say how much your stores have meant to me over the years
08:08well thank you darling you can't make me blush but the lord knows i won't complain if you try
08:14i can still remember when i was eight years old and the first bow mart opened in downtown nebo
08:22that would be store number 268 and i believe it was mabel loomis working the main register
08:30why yes that's right how did you know that
08:32well corkey may i call you corkey
08:35if it's one thing this good old boy prides himself on
08:40it is maintaining close personal relationships with every single one of his people
08:46really
08:48everyone
08:49every last one
08:51then can i assume ross may i call you ross
08:54sure
08:55that you know
08:57this young man
09:00well i can't say his face looks all that familiar
09:04well it should be
09:06this little boy's name is wong ho
09:08and he works for you
09:09in one of the burmese sweatshops that provides clothes to bow mart
09:13in fact these documents show that
09:16much of the apparel displaying your made in america label was actually
09:19produced in burma thailand and hong kong
09:23well i'm afraid you've left me out in the dark without a candle young lady
09:29oh you now don't go pulling the dog's tail expecting him to turn over and play dead
09:34i wouldn't advise hanging a snake up to dry while he's still got dew on his belly either
09:39you also shouldn't skin a raccoon till you're sure he's not a fox
09:45let's quit playing possum and talk turkey
09:49shall we
09:50i have no idea what they're talking about but i like what i'm hearing
09:54only this so-called all-american tank top was actually manufactured in taipei wasn't it
10:03well i
10:05in fact
10:06couldn't we say
10:07the only thing we know for certain you make in america
10:11is money
10:12you can't expect me because
10:14oh and one more thing
10:16why did you ever stop selling those blue frosty cones i just love those
10:23i don't know
10:30back to you jim
10:38thank you corky for a most impressive job really most impressive fyi will return after these messages
10:46and we're in the commercial
10:48there she is
10:51our own little corkzilla
10:53oh corky i tell you
10:55if you ever need any extra cash the biker bar down the corner needs a bouncer
10:59that was great
11:00i'll say i haven't seen a transformation like that since doris began her estrogen supplements
11:05well corky i have to say all in all
11:13not terrible
11:15not terrible
11:16oh murphy do you really mean that
11:18absolutely
11:19and listen if you hear some crazy talk about me betting a couple hundred bucks you were gonna fall on your face tonight
11:24don't you believe it
11:26this is just so much fun watching a grown man crumble before your own eyes
11:32and knowing you're the one responsible
11:34oh god murphy this must be how you feel every week
11:37now don't get carried away you still got a lot to learn
11:41and i want you to teach me everything
11:43come on i'll buy you a cup of coffee and we can start right now
11:46okay
11:47first tip corky i always find it best not to leave the set till the show is over
11:51oh my god that's fine you still have your little thing to do
11:56all right 30 seconds people
11:59oh my time mademoiselle brown je suis votre nouvelle assistant what i just said was good morning miss brown i'm your new secretary in french
12:18that's fascinating
12:20that's fascinating
12:21isn't it learning a second language is just one way of enriching yourself while impressing friends and colleagues
12:25go ahead you say anything and i'll translate
12:28no really i don't think so
12:30no really i don't think so
12:34i'm serious enough already
12:35i'm serious enough already
12:36i'm serious enough already
12:38this is my last warning quidditch
12:41this is my last warning quidditch
12:42this is my daily
12:44question
12:46fine you want to translate translate this
12:53no no no i think you meant to say pack your bags you're fired but what you actually said was pack your bags or i'll set you on fire
13:01uh-huh
13:08murphy there you are
13:10ah i can't tell you how much i've learned from watching all these old interviews of yours
13:15how did you ever get david stockman to admit that reaganomics was complete and utter sham
13:20now corky we've been over this
13:23what's murphy's interview rule number one
13:26badger badger badger
13:28good
13:29now this afternoon i want you to watch my interview with ed meese which illustrates murphy's interview rule number two
13:35make them cry make them cry make them cry
13:38well it isn't the dynamic duo
13:41go ahead show me our senator i'm not buying this load of crapface
13:45isn't that great
13:51yes point it that way won't you
13:53wow what are all these letters frank
13:56oh no you didn't take out another one of those personal ads did you
14:01the last one turned out so ugly
14:03actually these are all for you and for the record janice and i are still friends it's just her other personalities i don't get along with
14:11oh my god these are all for me
14:18corky we saw your show last night and we can't stop talking about it
14:24disappointing doesn't even come close to describing your performance
14:28rude annoying and shrill however do
14:30we'll never watch you again that's not a very nice letter
14:33well there's there's always one bad apple in the barrel
14:37um may i
14:39dear corky sure would well this one seems amiable enough
14:42last night's show was a steaming pile of
14:45malarkey
14:47who
14:48who the
14:49fudge
14:50do you think you are you
14:52fudging
14:53perhaps murphy should finish this
14:55oh come on car you don't be upset
14:59i had my first piece of hate mail permoplank
15:01yeah we're receiving a little taste of the poison pen is just one way of knowing you're doing your job
15:06so i shouldn't be feeling this sick
15:10crazy sensation on the pit of my stomach
15:12of course not
15:14now i don't mean to brag but you know that great file cabinet next to my desk
15:18nothing but hate mail
15:20and it doesn't bother you
15:22are you kidding
15:23when i'm depressed i get naked and roll around in it
15:26and you haven't been introduced to the best part of hate mail yet
15:33what's that
15:35watch
15:36and
15:37learn
15:41it's ringing
15:43hello
15:44is this
15:45cindy lou collins of tempe arizona
15:48i have a riddle for you
15:51what has a tiny brain
15:53a large mouth
15:54a large mouth
15:55and an opinion no one cares about
15:59give up
16:00you
16:01ha ha
16:09feels as good now as it did the first time
16:13okay
16:14now it's murtured
16:16oh no no no no no murphy i don't think i could
16:19hello
16:20yes
16:21is this mr larson broder of newark delaware
16:25um
16:26i have a riddle for you
16:28what has a
16:29tiny brain
16:30a large mouth
16:33yes this is corky sure would
16:35you have a nice day mail
16:36bye
16:40we'll work on it
16:41work on it
16:42and this is what we call the bullpen
16:46maybe because there's never any shortage of bull flying around in here
16:53okay you guys have a bullpen back in the elevator scooch in
16:58and this is what we call the bullpen
17:00who are these people
17:01who are these people
17:02we're the taxes from cincinnati
17:04and we think you stink
17:07okay yeah we'll just excuse me
17:08instead of a corky
17:09what do you know what's going on here
17:10well
17:11i just thought you would all be at phil's having lunch
17:14so i invited a few people on tour
17:16you know
17:17fans
17:18viewers
17:19letter writers
17:22look at all these people the faceless masses
17:25don't you realize what you've done
17:27you've given them faces
17:29and bodies
17:30ill-fitting clothes
17:32i need to use the bathroom
17:36just one second miss marina
17:39i mean now
17:40oh okay
17:41trust me jim
17:42i learned the hard way
17:43she's not joking
17:44okay miss marina
17:46i'm taking miss marina out to the bathroom
17:48and i'll be right back
17:49corky you can't leave us with
17:53okay listen up
17:54this is a place of business
17:56so if you would just move your little convention out of our newsroom
17:59those of us who are actually working today would be extremely grateful
18:03boy
18:04she's even ruder in person than she is on tv
18:09and bonier
18:10yeah yeah i'm ichabod crane
18:12now don't trip getting on the elevator
18:15oh get a load of all the pictures she's got of herself in here
18:18there must be thousands
18:20get the hell out of there
18:22i've been watching you on tv
18:24and i think i can do your job as good as you
18:26i don't doubt that for a minute
18:27you see every night i read the news to my cat
18:30and she is mesmerized
18:32so um if i slip you my resume
18:35do you think you could uh
18:40you and your bleeding heart liberalism
18:42oh sure you stick it to the gun manufacturers
18:45and the cigarette industry
18:47all the people who made this country great
18:50hey wait a minute
18:53your name isn't pat miller is it
18:57yeah
18:58lansing michigan
18:59uh huh
19:00and i think it's only fair to warn you that you're currently in violation of a restraining order
19:04in the heaviest bombing since the ceasefire
19:11uh it's uncanny really
19:13in the final quarter of
19:15home mortgage rates are expected to rise slightly
19:18in the final quarter
19:19yes that's what i have to
19:21i have to try
19:22what i want to know is
19:24what gives you the right to say whatever you want
19:26about whoever you want
19:27i mean what gives you the right
19:29oh i don't know a little something called a constitution
19:31maybe you've heard of it
19:32maybe you've heard of it
19:35well then let me ask you this
19:37you know i can meet michael jackson
19:41what about veal
19:42why don't you do a story on veal
19:47okay everybody find your partner
19:50we've only got 15 minutes to get on the bus and make our way across town
19:54corkey we need to talk and i mean now
19:57corkey please i've got my hands full
19:59corkey i don't care
20:00i don't care
20:01you have completely stepped over the line here
20:03what about my film
20:06corkey sorry
20:07gotta go
20:09come on let's get your hands
20:11that's right
20:19i'm coming i'm coming
20:24corkey
20:27so what are you doing now
20:28kissing up to your viewers door
20:29door to door
20:30all right
20:32i know you're angry with me
20:33angry no no no that would mean i cared and i don't care
20:36so please don't mistake what i'm about to say is my caring because as i said i don't but what the hell were you thinking today
20:42but you just
20:44corkey you blew it
20:45you caved into public opinion you compromised your professional integrity and worst of all you let total strangers touch my stuff
20:53i'm sorry
20:56i'm sorry
20:57that's your problem sherwood you're always sorry you upset a few viewers and you're sorry you upset me and you're sorry you upset the next one
21:06i'm sorry
21:07well i'm sorry but i am sorry
21:09i just couldn't accept that there was anyone out there who didn't like me
21:13yeah
21:14yeah well there were a lot of people out there who did you just didn't hear from them
21:17it doesn't matter
21:19don't you see
21:21it's just like when i was in 12th grade
21:23i was named homecoming queen
21:26voted class president
21:28won the lead in bye bye birdie
21:30everyone loved me
21:32even the school mascot
21:34a goat
21:36i got this one girl
21:38wendy wilcox
21:40who couldn't stand me
21:42and i was miserable
21:44and you believe it
21:46you know
21:47not that it hasn't been fun leafing through the old hooterville high yearbook with you
21:51but can we just get to the point
21:56you've got a decision to make
21:58you can either be a journalist and make some people angry with you
22:01or you can be miss homecoming queen and have everybody love you but you can't be both
22:06it's not that easy for me murphy
22:09i'm not like you
22:12you're strong
22:13you don't care what people think
22:15you don't care if they call you names or they hate you in the mail room
22:19corky it doesn't matter what they hate me in the mail room
22:22well not everyone
22:23just jimmy and earl
22:25and melissa
22:27and chuck
22:28and tommy
22:29all right all right i get the picture
22:32you know corky when i was first starting out i had to learn to develop a thick skin
22:38and if you're going to be the kind of journalist i think you can be you've got to learn to develop one too
22:43do you really think i can be the kind of journalist you are murphy
22:49that's not getting carried away
22:53you know corky you really surprised me this week
22:56that's what makes it so frustrating you know you've got the potential i just see you backing away from it
23:02i'm not backing away
23:05i just need to go at my own pace
23:08i mean it took you a while to become the tough unfeeling hellhound you are today didn't it
23:14oh that's true
23:15and let's face it murphy
23:17i've watched all your tapes
23:19and you didn't make anyone cry until the tammy faye baker interview
23:22that doesn't even count
23:24all right maybe it's a little unrealistic to expect you to change overnight
23:30take the weekend
23:33who the hell is that
23:34oh don't worry i'll just give it to you
23:42you know weren't you supposed to wait outside on the bus
23:45i need to use the bedroom
23:46corky what is going on
23:49well i couldn't invite people here to our nation's capital
23:52without taking them to see the monuments at night now
23:55i mean now
23:57listen here mrs marino
24:01try to hurry
24:06well it's a start
24:09well i guess being the rudest woman in tv has its advantages
24:14it's not the cleanest place i've ever seen
24:22are you tired of doing stuff
24:29yes
24:30then watch easy tv summer
24:32it's four effortless hours of your favorite show
24:34followed by four equally effortless hours of your other favorite show
24:37well you make it sound easy
24:39easy tv summer starts tuesday july 5th at 10 only on nikki
24:43yeah
24:44well i think there's no other one
24:46i think there's no other thing about my favorite show
24:47is that this is a great day
24:48process
24:49as the human being
24:50the word for us
24:52would be in this
24:54we have really should be in this
24:55well i think that's a lot of people
24:56are being able to do
24:57for the things that are always
24:58for me
24:59for me
25:01for me
25:02alright
25:03really
25:04if we're at love
25:04the video
25:05is going to be
25:06for me
25:07to be
25:08the topic
25:09is going to be