Murphy Brown Season 8 Episode 3 Fearless Frank
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00:00When the evil blasts, and you throw the glass, are you gonna beat it around?
00:09Someone needs a friend, just to find a friend, don't you think you should be there?
00:17Are you man enough? When we're going to show, is it in your heart you can't?
00:30There he is! Move over, scud stud! Forget the Humvee hunk! Make way for... Knife Guy!
00:48Oh honey, now, now, come on, I'm just doing my job like any other reporter, with superhuman abilities.
00:56That was a killer, Frank. Weren't you afraid if that judo move of yours didn't work, it might just make it madder?
01:02Fear is the enemy, Corky. Hesitation kills. When I felt that cold steel blade against my jugular, bam, I reacted.
01:10I wish I had your nerves, old man. The other night, outside the A&P, I thought a piece of hard metal jabbed me in the back.
01:17I'd already handed over my wallet, was in the process of begging for my life when I realized I was being mugged by an errant shopping cart.
01:24I gotta hand it to you, Frank, this is the closest call you've ever had.
01:27I would put it right up there with the time you flipped off John Gotti on the Long Island Express.
01:32Oh, you know, I just don't do the territory. Hey, Murph, uh, you got a second I want to talk to you in your office?
01:38Oh, sure.
01:39Yes.
01:40Uh, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.
01:42Um, oh, and, uh, for those of you keeping score, it is now Frank Fontana, 89, Grim Reaper, nada.
01:54Yes.
01:55Oh, God, I thought he was gonna kill me.
02:00If that stupid judo move hadn't worked, I'd be dead now.
02:05What happened to Frank Fontana, 89, Grim Reaper, nada?
02:09Look, it doesn't matter how much of a lead you have, the Grim Reaper only needs one run.
02:15And not even a run, just a little dribbler up the middle or a well-placed bunt.
02:19Oh, come on, Frank, the Grim Reaper didn't even make it to home plate.
02:22In fact, he barely got off a few swings in the on-deck circle.
02:25And didn't I tell you I don't want to get sucked into any more of your baseball metaphors?
02:29Okay.
02:30So, I didn't die this time, but it has been 17 years of close calls.
02:33I don't know if I can do it anymore.
02:35You said the same thing when you tried the sushi platter at Phil's,
02:38and that practically has the word tage effect on the menu.
02:41But you got back up all that horse.
02:43Oh, I'm serious this time.
02:46You really are.
02:48Oh.
02:49So what are you gonna do?
02:50I don't know.
02:51I don't know.
02:52But, you know, I'm just gonna slow down a little, you know, danger story-wise until I have this figured out.
02:57Hello.
02:58Oh.
02:59Oh.
03:00Yeah, he's right here.
03:01It's Lansing for you.
03:02Oh, man.
03:03I do not want to talk to him now.
03:05I'm still shaking.
03:06I'll probably say something stupid.
03:08And you know what a head case he can be.
03:10Frank, he's not on hold.
03:18Stan, hi.
03:19I'm so sorry about calling you a head case.
03:21You know, I really meant...
03:22You didn't hear that.
03:25So what's up, Stan?
03:27Uh, dinner tonight at your club.
03:32Great.
03:33What a thrill.
03:34What a nightmare!
03:36Well, the dinner with Lansing, I can hear him now.
03:39Fontana, you're using a salad fork to eat shrimp?
03:43Why don't you just shove your face in a cocktail sauce and bob fall?
03:50Come on, Frank.
03:51This is the perfect time to talk to Lansing about doing less risky stories.
03:55I mean, you get him a belly full of food.
03:57You get him to knock back a couple of martinis.
03:59How do you think I got Andy Rooney banned from the commissary?
04:02Do you think that happened by accident?
04:05I don't know if you're right.
04:06I'm gonna do it.
04:07Good.
04:08Let me know how it goes.
04:09What?
04:10You're not coming with me?
04:11I can't.
04:12I've got a ton of research to get through tonight.
04:13Murph, I can't do this alone.
04:15Remember the company barbecue of 87?
04:18Oh, the one where you spit the watermelon seed in Lansing's eye?
04:21Come on, Frank.
04:22That was an accident.
04:23That could have happened to anybody.
04:24At least you weren't that poor fool who went running to get a damp towel
04:27and knocked over the grill, burning down the entire west wing of the house.
04:35Pick me up at six.
04:37For every parent who's ever had...
04:40Murph, do you think this thing's still noticeable?
04:47Uh, no, not really.
04:49Now that your attention's drawn to that enormous wet spot.
04:52Oh, relax, Frank.
04:54I told you, just tell Lansing what you told me.
04:56Oh, you're right.
04:57It's just that I'm really nervous.
04:59I mean, we are at Lansing's private club.
05:02Do you realize what a rare honor that is?
05:05No, no, no.
05:06No, sweetheart.
05:07You didn't find a little plate of money.
05:09That's why the attendant in the ladies room ripped it right on your little fist.
05:14This...
05:15Morphe!
05:16Frank!
05:17Welcome to my club!
05:19Oh, man.
05:20What are you doing?
05:22And people ask why we keep this a restricted club.
05:27Oh, sweetheart, don't look at other people's jewelry.
05:31Uh, sit, sit, sit.
05:34This is my friend Raquel.
05:38She's an actress.
05:40Stan says he's going to get me an audition on Northern Exposure.
05:45Northern Exposure?
05:46Wasn't that the show that was taken off?
05:48Bop, bop, bop!
05:49What do you think, Frank?
05:50A beautiful place to hear.
05:51Oh, this is really great.
05:52Thanks for inviting me.
05:53And it's nice to see you always, Murphy.
05:56Thank you, Stan.
05:57It's good to see you, too.
05:58Except now, because I want to talk to Frank.
06:01So why don't you and Raquel have a little conversation?
06:04I'm sure you have so much in common.
06:08Frank, have a cigar.
06:13They're Cuban.
06:14Oh, thanks.
06:15But aren't these illegal?
06:17What are you, a cop?
06:19Now, about your last story, it was fantastic.
06:23You know, the guy, the knife, your nerves of steel.
06:28You know, speaking of nerves of steel, wasn't there something you wanted to say?
06:31Oh, right.
06:32Uh, thanks, Murph.
06:34Stan, I'm really glad that you enjoyed last week's story.
06:37Wait, wait.
06:38What in joy?
06:39I was riveted.
06:40I can't remember the last time I was so riveted.
06:43I mean, the first moon landing, I glanced at.
06:46But you riveted me.
06:48Thanks.
06:49That means a lot.
06:52Of course it does.
06:54That one.
06:55Now, tell me about your next story.
07:00I'm working on a report about bank employees who embezzled.
07:04Ah.
07:05It's kind of a sissy story, isn't it, Fontaine?
07:09Well, you know, sure, it's no good.
07:12Could you define sissy story?
07:15Um, you know, Stan, I think what Frank means is that while this story doesn't have the pulse-pounding action of last week's story,
07:22it does expose massive corruption in the financial community and could lead to worldwide repercussions.
07:29Raquel, why don't you tell Murphy about the time you met David Hasselhoff?
07:35Now, what your crappy little bank story needs is some bazaar.
07:42How about if you go undercover as a bank guard in a high-crime neighborhood?
07:48I see danger, I see gunplay, I see men with pantyhose on their heads.
07:54You know, Stan, I, for one, would like to see Frank backing off of those overdone, repetitious action stories.
08:01I mean, who here wouldn't like to see him branch into another direction?
08:04What other direction? I'm talking interesting. The only other direction is not interesting.
08:09Well, I think Frank disagrees with you on that, don't you, Frank?
08:12No, I love it.
08:13What?
08:14I love the bank robbery story.
08:17I knew you would, you wanna know why?
08:19Because we're cut from the same cloth, only mine doesn't have a big wet spot on it.
08:25Frank, wasn't there something else you wanted to say?
08:30Uh, yeah, uh, don't you think you're being a little rude to Raquel?
08:35No!
08:36Frank, try the wine. It's bold, like you.
08:41I guess I do have my moments.
08:43Yes, you do. And I'm picturing a whole new niche for you.
08:49Fearless Frank Fontana. Danger guy.
08:54I was trying to work the word knife in there, but nothing scary rhymes.
08:59How about idiot?
09:00Well, picture this. One week, you're infiltrating a street gang.
09:06Then next, you're on top of an underground subway car, hanging on for dear life.
09:15Please, a runaway subway car? Where's the news value in that?
09:19Well, you know how young people always imitate dangerous things they see in the movies.
09:25I'll be showing them that it's a really bad idea.
09:28We be saving lives. I got it. Frank, you know how to fly a plane?
09:37No.
09:38Even better.
09:42For your information tonight, Frank Fontana reports on hate crimes by uncovering the ten things most likely to incite a skinhead.
09:50For your information.
09:52To see you next time on the TV show, the 4th Street Gang 2.
09:57The 2nd Street Gang 2 was The Snowman.
10:03The 3rd Street Gang 2.
10:06The 4th Street Gang 2.
10:11The 3rd Street Gang 2, the 2nd Street Gang 3.
10:47I can't find Frank, but I guess I can ask him about this requisition slip for a cannon later.
10:55Have you tried his tailor? I hear he's being fitted for a cape.
10:59Maybe you should check Lansing's lower intestine, because Frank might have crawled up there by an inch.
11:05Now, come on, people. What's the new policy?
11:09No Frank bashing at the workplace.
11:13That's right. Now, Corky, what are you working on?
11:15I was thinking about doing a story on the Everglades.
11:19Oh, good. You mean like disappearing wetlands, encroaching development, vanishing wildlife?
11:24Actually, I thought I might set myself on fire and wrestle a live alligator.
11:29Corky, I was going to set myself on fire for my interview with Yasser Arafat.
11:33Jim, how's your commentary coming?
11:35Swimmingly, I'll be discussing the debilitating effects of poverty on contemporary society.
11:40Great.
11:40Then I'll catch a bullet with my teeth.
11:43Hi, guys.
11:45Hi, the lady.
11:49Sorry, I'm late.
11:52Autographs.
11:53Frank, are you limping?
11:55No, I'm swaggering.
11:58Your right leg's swaggering, Frank.
12:01Your left leg's dragging you behind you like a piece of dead meat.
12:05I don't know what you're talking about.
12:08Okay, who wants to buy old fearless Frank a cup of coffee?
12:11Okay, who would like to pour old fearless Frank a cup of coffee?
12:28Oh, for God's sake.
12:30Since no one else will say it, I will.
12:33Frank, you've got to stop this foolishness.
12:35It is not foolishness.
12:38I take that cream.
12:39Jim, Frank, Frank, your stories are reckless and stupid.
12:43They are not.
12:44Stan says that my stories have a lot of journalistic value.
12:48Oh, yeah?
12:49Like when you poke at a hive of killer bees with a stick?
12:52Stan says that killer bees are misunderstood.
12:56They don't really kill you.
12:58Although after the first 500 stings, you sort of wish they did.
13:03Frank, let me tell you a little story.
13:06It's about a childhood friend who had a thrill-seeking thing.
13:10He used to play chicken with hot rods.
13:13He'd lie down on railroad tracks.
13:15He even worked as a rodeo clown.
13:17No experience.
13:19Daredevil Dan, we used to call him.
13:21Of course, now he goes by another name.
13:23What's that?
13:23No brainstem activity, Dan.
13:27An unwieldy nickname, I grant you, but medically accurate.
13:32Well, Stan says...
13:33God, Stan says, Stan says.
13:35I suppose if Stan told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, you'd do that, too.
13:38No!
13:39I couldn't get a permit.
13:41Oh!
13:41Okay, you know what?
13:44I know.
13:45I really can't.
13:47You can't stand the idea that I'm the big star on the show now.
13:53Gee, Frank, it's like you're inside my head.
13:55Oh.
13:57You know what else I think?
13:59You want me to be frightened and helpless so that you can feel me.
14:03But, well, you know what?
14:04Frank Fontana does not need your help.
14:07Long way down, eh, first lady?
14:17Some friend you are.
14:18You know, at least Lansing is supportive.
14:21Oh, please, Lansing's not being supportive.
14:23He just wants you to keep killing yourself for raiding.
14:25That's not true.
14:27Maybe it was at first, but I think our friendship has evolved to the point where he really doesn't want to see me killed.
14:33Frank, our friendship hasn't evolved to that point.
14:37Hello, FYI.
14:40Where's my danger guy?
14:44Hey, uh, I like that swagger.
14:49But, Frank, I've been doing a lot of thinking about your stories, and I'm afraid to say they lost a little bit of their pizzazz.
14:57Oh, so do you want me to stop doing them?
14:59No, I want you to start doing them live.
15:04What?
15:05They're live.
15:07Your stunts are taped.
15:09The audience knows you survived.
15:11If you didn't survive, we wouldn't have had them.
15:14We probably wouldn't have had them.
15:16How does this be your first live stunt?
15:22The human fly.
15:27You climb up the side of a building with suction cups on your hands.
15:31Uh, uh, uh, uh, why?
15:36Suddenly you need a reason why.
15:38Here's a reason.
15:39Because it's live.
15:40Oh, uh, uh, that sounds great, Stan.
15:43Um, I'd be having safety ropes and stuff like that, right?
15:46What?
15:47Watch rope.
15:48People tune in to see if you die, not if you dangle.
15:51Who the heck cares about a life or dangle situation?
15:58What?
15:58You ain't never just...
16:00Now he's jumping off the side of our building.
16:02This time, Frank has definitely gone too far.
16:05They expect Frank to hit that from 150 feet up?
16:08He's not gonna make it.
16:09I know.
16:10He's been to my house.
16:11He's used my bathroom.
16:12His aim is just not that good.
16:14I never thought I'd be saying this, Miles,
16:18but what was wrong with the human fly?
16:20Lansing figured people would be tuning in to see Frank fall,
16:23so he decided to cut the doll climbing part
16:25and just skip right to the chase.
16:28It's not gonna be late, Miles,
16:29but I remember that tonight was Frank's big jump,
16:31so I had to move my car across the street.
16:34That's all you have to say?
16:36Your best friend's about to splatter his guts all over the pavement
16:39and all you're worried about is moving your car?
16:42I guess you're right, Corky.
16:43I mean, I should've put the cover on, too.
16:45You know, Murphy, we spent the last half hour
16:47trying to talk him out of this foolishness.
16:49Can't you put aside your differences and help the poor boob?
16:52Hey, I tried, but he made it very clear
16:54he didn't want my help, so as far as I'm concerned,
16:57he's made his own bed,
16:58and now he's gotta try to land on it.
17:00All right, places, everybody,
17:01and now remember when you hear that dull, squishy thud outside,
17:06try to act like professionals, okay?
17:09Here we go, in five, four, three, two...
17:15Good evening, and welcome to FYI.
17:18For your information tonight,
17:20Murphy Brown interviews Stephen Hawking via satellite,
17:23Corky Sherwood uncovers steroid use
17:25at a frog jumping contest
17:27in a story entitled Hop Hop, You're Hopped Up.
17:30And in our final segment,
17:33fearless Frank Fontana jumps out of our building
17:36into a big bag behind me
17:39to enlighten you, our audience,
17:41about such things.
17:44But first, let's check in on Frank
17:46with our remote hookup.
17:47Frank, how are you doing up there?
17:50Well, the crossweaves
17:53are a little stronger than I expected, Jim,
17:56but I'm still pretty sure
18:00I can hit it on the first try.
18:03I certainly hope so.
18:05Yes, it's really going to happen.
18:08He's going to be jumping very, very soon.
18:12Oh, Frank, I guess, uh,
18:15I guess you're all set?
18:16No second thoughts?
18:17None, none whatsoever, Jim.
18:20Just one question.
18:24The bat I'm supposed to land on?
18:27It's that big blue thing down there, right?
18:34Actually, it's the yellow thing.
18:36The blue thing, I believe,
18:37is the truck that delivered it.
18:40I think we can land that up there, huh?
18:45Thank you, Frank.
18:48Next, Corky Sherwood
18:50takes a look at a frog jumping contest,
18:52warts and all.
18:54Corky?
18:55Thanks, Jim.
18:56To the uninitiated,
18:57a frog jumping contest
18:59may seem like good family fun,
19:01but the truth is very different.
19:04Where are you going?
19:05We're in the middle of a show.
19:06Talk to Lansing and save Frank's worthless butt.
19:09Now you had all week
19:10to save Frank's worthless butt!
19:12Okay, Stan,
19:18look, Frank's going to jump.
19:20He doesn't want to do it,
19:21but he won't admit it
19:22because he wants your approval,
19:23so tell him you won't think less of him
19:25if he backs down,
19:26because if Frank jumps,
19:27he's gonna get himself killed.
19:29That's tonight?
19:31God bless you, Murphy.
19:32I almost missed it.
19:35Stan, did you hear a word I said?
19:38Yeah, Frank jumped killed.
19:41Why is Sherwood holding up
19:42a fat frog?
19:45You can't let Frank do this.
19:48Why not?
19:48He loves doing it.
19:49He's the danger guy.
19:51Aren't you on that show?
19:55Look, Stan,
19:56I'm not leaving here
19:57until you agree
19:58to do something about Frank,
19:59so unless you're comfortable
20:00with another 40 minutes
20:02of Corky talking to a toad...
20:04All right, all right.
20:10If I used to have to do this manually,
20:13I got a hernia
20:14during sweep speed.
20:17Holy, holy,
20:19look how high up we are.
20:22Hiya, Frank.
20:24Hi, Stan.
20:25You're not gonna
20:26whoosh out on me, are you?
20:28I don't think so.
20:30Good.
20:31See?
20:32Your worries are unfounded.
20:34He's up there happy.
20:36Why are you wearing your helmet?
20:38I didn't say anything
20:39about the helmet.
20:40He's gonna fall 150 feet.
20:42He thinks a helmet's
20:44gonna save him.
20:47Okay, Frank, listen up.
20:48I don't have much time.
20:50Either you plund it to your death
20:52and get UPS'd back
20:53to your parents in a bottle,
20:55or you admit you're scared
20:56and you call this whole thing off.
20:57So what's it gonna be?
20:58I'm not scared.
21:02Yes, you are.
21:03No, I'm not.
21:05Okay, fine.
21:06Plum it away.
21:08All right, I'm scared.
21:11The danger guy's scared.
21:14Well, a little,
21:16but only because
21:17if I do this,
21:18I'm gonna die.
21:20I'm gonna die.
21:21You got a helmet.
21:25Frank, this is so twisted.
21:27Your father didn't play
21:29catch with you
21:29when you were 10,
21:30so to make up for it,
21:31you're gonna jump
21:32150 feet onto
21:33a giant weight map?
21:35What are you saying?
21:38He thinks I'm his daddy?
21:40I mean, he's 50 years old
21:42if he's a day.
21:43That's very sick, Murphy.
21:47No, no, this is true.
21:48Is this Fontana?
21:50Well,
21:51it was sort of
21:52a recurring theme
21:53when I was in therapy,
21:54so I guess it's possible.
21:58This is what you wanted
22:00when you were doing this stunt.
22:01You were so happy.
22:04You didn't say anything.
22:06I was waiting for you
22:07to draw the line.
22:09Waiting for me?
22:10Oh, sure,
22:11that's gonna happen.
22:12Frank,
22:13you're giving me
22:13a 42 share.
22:14Please stop.
22:15Oh, stare at me
22:18like that, Murphy.
22:21You'll look like
22:21Jiminy Cricket.
22:24I'm not an ogre.
22:27All right, Frank.
22:29You don't have to jump.
22:31Really, Stan?
22:34Okay, I'm not jumping.
22:36You're gonna jump.
22:37We've been promoting this
22:38for a whole week.
22:40What, are you gonna go back
22:41to take over Sherwood's spot?
22:43Would you look at her?
22:45She is still
22:46talking to the damn
22:47people.
22:49I just want to do
22:50the kind of stories
22:51I used to.
22:53They were dangerous, too.
22:55Yeah, but they were
22:55real news stories.
22:57The danger had a point.
22:58Will you shut up?
22:59He's this close.
23:01Stan?
23:05All right, Fontana.
23:08Fine.
23:08You win.
23:09If you don't want to jump,
23:11you don't have to jump.
23:13But what if your daddy
23:17really wanted you
23:18to do it?
23:21I still don't think
23:23I'd do it.
23:24All right,
23:25don't jump,
23:25you big baby.
23:28You did a good thing,
23:29Stan.
23:31Well,
23:32I better be getting
23:32back to the studio
23:33considering
23:34Corky's frog story
23:35should have been
23:35over five minutes ago.
23:37Thank you, Corky.
23:39You know,
23:42Fontana,
23:43for what it's worth,
23:45I really respect
23:46your choice
23:47not to jump.
23:48Really, Stan?
23:50Absolutely.
23:52Here,
23:53have a cigar.
23:55Thanks, Stan.
23:56No!
23:58You should have
23:59come to a church
24:00with your program.
24:03Cutting short
24:03the career
24:04of a once promising
24:05tadpole.
24:09Up next,
24:10Frank Fontana
24:11is justifying me.
24:14It's something
24:15you were going to make.