Michael Colyar In Studio with Mason & Starr
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00:00A lot of the guests that we have the opportunity to meet,
00:03I meet them because they're guests.
00:05This particular guest had me mesmerized watching him on television.
00:13Three things he did the moment I saw him.
00:16First, he was black.
00:18Second, he was well, well-dressed.
00:22Third, he told jokes.
00:26As opposed to doing a comedy stage routine.
00:32And that captured me because I know Red Foxx would tell jokes.
00:38And that was an era that had already gone by.
00:41And so the new comedians had a style.
00:44But this guy, he would tell jokes.
00:47Then, then the jokes were really, really funny.
00:53I didn't want to hear him talk.
00:55I just wanted him to keep telling jokes.
00:57Then he would do the stand-up storytelling.
01:02But he could tell you a joke.
01:04And I was like, wow.
01:07I wish I could meet that guy.
01:09He was in California.
01:11And I remember who, whatever the show was,
01:13they bragged about the fact that he got a start at Venice Beach in California.
01:18I went to California shortly after and tried to hang around Venice Beach to see if I could see him.
01:25Because I was out there.
01:26What?
01:26But then, God gave me the opportunity to meet him.
01:31And we've been friends a long, long time.
01:35Michael Collier is in the name.
01:37And he's got that chicken.
01:42He's got that doggone chicken.
01:46Mike, first, tell people about the chicken.
01:48This is the chicken of love.
01:49This is my therapy chicken.
01:51He said the chicken of love.
01:52I'm going to get on the plane about this chicken, girl.
01:54No, this chicken brings life.
02:00And the chicken has its own personality.
02:04It has changed people.
02:06Folks who don't even laugh.
02:08Laugh when they see a big, black, well-dressed brother with a rubber chicken.
02:13And they go, what is going on right now?
02:15It's hard to process.
02:16By the time you process it, you have to first get upset, then you giggle a little, then you're laughing.
02:21Yeah, you've got to think about what's going on.
02:23What are you saying something?
02:23Are you trying to, is he trying to say something?
02:25Ah, that came from your love.
02:26They brought me a mint.
02:26They have delivered.
02:27No, it's a cough drop.
02:27I think he's trying to be there.
02:28Oh, it's a cough drop.
02:30Okay.
02:30That's, that's, that's what my mom over there.
02:32I mean, when you go on air and someone delivers a mint?
02:34You know what?
02:35Hey, I think they're trying to say something.
02:39I cannot.
02:40Michael Collier.
02:42Mike, tell, tell people how you got started in comedy.
02:46What drew you to it?
02:48And what was the Venice Beach story?
02:50I'm going to tell you all that, but first I got to tell you, I'm in love with the most
02:53incredible woman in the whole wide world.
02:55You tell?
02:55I've been married to her right now for 136 days.
02:59I love that.
03:00No, 113.
03:01113, yes.
03:02I'm too excited.
03:04113, we got married November 4th.
03:06Y'all do the math, November 4th, and my life has been excellent and get better every
03:10day since I met her 17 months ago.
03:12And last thing I'm going to say about this, this woman, and I apologize to my mama when
03:16I say it, makes a better salmon croquette than my mama, and my mama's held that title for
03:2264 years.
03:23Now, what was your little question?
03:27You might not be able to go back home to mama after that.
03:31Congratulations, though.
03:32Thank you, brother.
03:33I was first.
03:34Congratulations on that.
03:35I really received that.
03:36My whole life changed because of her.
03:38Because I remember you would say, I really got to find somebody.
03:43The right one.
03:44Yeah.
03:44Because I keep having the wrong one.
03:45Both of us have bumped into the wrong one.
03:47We've both been married twice before, so we got the practice out the way.
03:50Now we can get down to the business of the game of love.
03:54I mean, just like what she did just now, she sent me a cough drop.
03:58You know what I'm saying?
03:59That's what she does.
03:59But she sits back and watches and anticipates my needs, and then is joyful to serve them,
04:06and I'm hoping that I'm doing the same for you, baby.
04:08Oh, y'all better preach that thing.
04:10Okay, I'll never let you back to me.
04:11Okay.
04:12So, Mike, what turned you on to comedy, and what was the Venice Beach story?
04:19Well, you know, I've always been funny.
04:21You know, my entire life, I've been just like, as a kid, I was funny, but I never thought
04:24comedy was something I would take serious.
04:26And then in high school, we all did a play, so I was in all the plays because I wanted
04:31to be an actor.
04:32That was my whole thing, is to be an actor.
04:34But I was always funny.
04:36And then in 1984 is when I saw this dude named Eddie Murphy, and it was something ridiculous.
04:43In 84, that dude at 23 had already done Trading Places, 48 Hours, and the first Beverly Hills
04:50was Cops, he had created the biggest comedy concert in the history of comedy, called Raw.
04:56Yes.
04:57It was also the biggest video at that time, and he could wear the hell out of a red leather
05:03suit.
05:03Yeah, baby.
05:03And he got all that just telling jokes.
05:05And I was like, dang, I've been funny my whole life, but I didn't know nobody would pay
05:09money like that for it.
05:11So I went and got some Red Fox albums, and I went down to my mama's basement, where I
05:15was living anyway, and I would stand in the mirror and play those records over and over
05:20until I learned Red Fox jokes so well that I could tell them as well as Red Fox.
05:24And then I started going around trying to do my comedy, and it always made me happy to
05:29do it.
05:29And the first day I did it was at a club in Chicago called The Naughty Pine.
05:35It ain't even in no more.
05:35It was one of the clubs where you go and get your weed and can sit at the ball all night
05:39and talk in the back room.
05:40They playing poker and spades right there.
05:42Wow.
05:43It was a hood club with a little stage, and I went in one day, and this guy was doing
05:48comedy, and he was terrible.
05:49And people were getting up and leaving.
05:50He was terrible.
05:51And I walked over to the owner.
05:53I said, can I go up and try that?
05:54He said, man, wait a minute.
05:55This guy's a professional.
05:56He's even playing Milwaukee.
05:58You know what I'm like?
05:58He's playing Milwaukee.
06:01But all he was doing was Richard Pryor, and he was doing it exactly the same as Richard
06:06Pryor, except he added more profanity.
06:09And then people were getting up and leaving.
06:12And finally, a guy came over to me.
06:13He said, man, how much are you going to charge me to go up there?
06:15I said, dude, let me go up there for about five minutes, and if I make him laugh, if you
06:20love me, give me $15.
06:23Wow.
06:24If you love me.
06:24If you don't love me, you still going to win, because if I fail, people are going to
06:28have fun laughing at me, bomb.
06:29So you can't lose.
06:30He said, all right, man, going up there.
06:32I did 15 minutes.
06:33I killed him.
06:33All I did was Red Fox jokes, back-to-back, Red Fox jokes, silly jokes.
06:38A horse, he's talking to the zebra, rapping to the zebra.
06:41Try to pick the zebra up.
06:43Finally, the zebra says, hey, what do you want?
06:45The horse said, you know what I want, baby.
06:46Now get over here and take off them pajamas.
06:48You know, so it was like silly, just silly, giggly little jokes, you know, and, but people
06:55were laughing, you know, and I think it was the one about the head.
06:57Well, this guy was, it wasn't a whole guy, he was just a head.
07:00And so he's rolling around the house, kind of bored, looking for something to get into.
07:04So he said, I think I'll go for a roll.
07:05So he rolled out the house, rolled down the street, rolled to the park, rolled up to this
07:09woman at the water fountain, and she was beautiful.
07:12He said, miss, will you marry me?
07:13He said, marry?
07:14She said, marry you?
07:15You ain't nothing but a head, and she gave him a little punt, you know, and he rolled
07:18away dejected.
07:19He felt terrible.
07:20He rolled back home, rolled to the house, rolled to the kitchen, rolled to the pantry,
07:23rolled up on the pantry shelf and rolled back and forth until he found a bottle marked
07:26poison.
07:26With his lips, he opened that bottle and drank it, tried to kill himself, passed out,
07:30but he didn't die.
07:31Woke up the next morning, he had a torso, a head and a torso.
07:36He was feeling good.
07:37So he slunk out the house.
07:38He slunk down the street, he slunk back to the park, he slunk up to the water fountain,
07:41and there was a woman drinking water again.
07:42He said, ma'am, look at me.
07:43I have a body now, will you marry me?
07:46She said, no, you ain't got no arms or legs.
07:48I wouldn't marry a cripple.
07:50And he said, please, ma'am, I feel terrible.
07:52So he slunk away, slunk back to the house, slunk back to the pantry, got back up to that
07:58pantry with his lips, drank some more poison, tried to kill himself, passed out, but he
08:00didn't die.
08:01Woke up the next morning, had two arms and a leg.
08:03Woo!
08:04He was feeling good by himself.
08:06So he hopped out the house.
08:07He hopped down to the park, he hopped up to the water fountain.
08:10There was a woman still drinking water.
08:11She must have been thirsty.
08:12She's still drinking water.
08:13Anyway, he hopped up to the woman.
08:14He said, miss, look at me.
08:15I'm almost whole.
08:17Will you marry me now?
08:18And she said, no, you still missing a leg.
08:20I ain't gonna marry no man.
08:21He said, wait right here.
08:23So he hopped back to the house, hopped to the kitchen, hopped to the pantry, reached
08:26up, grabbed the bottle of poison, drank the rest of it, and died.
08:29Okay, the moral of the story is, stop while you're ahead.
08:33Okay, I mean, I was just doing silly.
08:36I was doing silly.
08:37I told you.
08:38Giggly jokes.
08:40Ah, that was good.
08:40But the magic.
08:42That's how he hooked me.
08:43He hooked me with that kind of stuff.
08:46Yeah, I know.
08:47I'm like, whoa, doing, you know, because I was watching TV and then, you know, I'm like,
08:53oh, no, let him stay up there and keep going.
08:55But the magic of that was, instead of the guy giving me $15, he gave me $30.
08:59And he took me to breakfast.
09:01And I had never heard of sunny-side-up eggs called Two Eggs Looking At You.
09:05He said, give me two pochocks, two eggs looking at you, and a big old biscuit.
09:08And I got all that and double money just for telling jokes.
09:12Wow.
09:13I was sold.
09:13That was it.
09:14I was going to never do anything else.
09:15So I did that at 10 little clubs around the city every week.
09:20Wow.
09:20So I think if I can get $30, 10 times, you know, so I was making $300 a week doing little
09:25big clubs, and I was only doing Red Fox jokes, you know?
09:27And then I started developing out from that.
09:29But comedy is healing, man.
09:32Humor is healing.
09:33If you can laugh through a thing, you can get through a thing.
09:36So I feel like we are very blessed, Coco, and people like us who can go around the
09:41universe, the whole planet, healing people, lifting people.
09:45I mean, something as simple as a chicken.
09:50And it'll be somebody.
09:52We was in my favorite breakfast spot.
09:54I don't think they advertise here, but it's Cracker Barrel.
09:57And at first I wasn't going to a restaurant called Cracker Barrel.
10:04You know, I grew up in a project, Chicago, Robert Taylor home, 4352 South State Department,
10:08909.
10:09And where I come from, we don't fool around with no crackers.
10:11And a barrel full of crackers.
10:13Oh, that's a whole lot of crackers.
10:15So at first I wouldn't even go on the Cracker Barrel.
10:16But I love Cracker Barrel.
10:18So we was there one day, and what I like best is the photos on the wall.
10:22Oh, ain't they something?
10:23They always get pictures of white serial killers.
10:25They're all over the wall.
10:26They're all over the wall.
10:26And next to an ax.
10:27But anyway, I love the blueberry pancakes.
10:31Blueberry pancakes, the blueberries so plump and juicy, you bite into them and the juice
10:34squeaks inside your mouth.
10:36And the pancakes so light and fluffy, you got to put syrup on them to keep them from floating
10:40to the ceiling.
10:41So we there one day, and we got the chicken.
10:45Oh, that's where you got that chicken from?
10:47I had it with me.
10:49I brought the chicken with me.
10:50And there was an old white dude, Kurt Mudgee-ing type guy he had on overalls.
10:56You could tell he ain't probably even sitting at the white, at the black folks in years.
11:00And he's sitting there by himself eating.
11:02And I squoze the chicken.
11:05And he turned around and gave me a mean, dirty look.
11:09Then he turned back around and then I did this.
11:15And you could see his body jiggle.
11:17Because you saw he laughed a little.
11:18He's like, you know, it's like a little, a little, a little, got him, right?
11:22And then a couple more times I did this.
11:25He just left it alone.
11:27We just kept eating.
11:27He got up and he got ready to leave and he turned to us and he said, you and that chicken
11:32made my whole day.
11:34And he walked away.
11:35And I'm telling you, I don't think he know no black people.
11:38But the healing power of the chicken.
11:41Don't underestimate the bird.
11:42And you shouldn't choke another man's chicken.
11:44But that's a whole different story.
11:46Okay.
11:46Police.
11:47So we started doing it that.
11:49And then I started doing comedy.
11:51And then I started, my friend said, come to the street.
11:53Come to the street and do street performance.
11:54And I'm like, I ain't no street puppet.
11:56It was two guys out of Chicago.
11:57And they said, well, come watch us.
11:59And they stood there and told jokes for 15 minutes in downtown Chicago.
12:02And had a sack of money when it was two.
12:06I said, well, I think I could try it.
12:07You know, and I did, I did it the first time.
12:11I made $5.85 and I was just in heaven.
12:15And so I came back the next day.
12:17I made $1.85.
12:19And I said, okay, I need to go do some homework.
12:21And they said, brother, your homework is in the street.
12:24And that's the lesson to tell comics.
12:26The work is on the stage.
12:28This is not an observational sport.
12:30This is a practitioner sport.
12:32To get good at comedy, you got to actually do it.
12:34You got to get out there and see what works, doesn't work, and have a gauge, right?
12:38So I was getting my comedy in.
12:39It was working real good.
12:40I tried that.
12:41That worked.
12:42I said, I ain't coming out here for $1.85.
12:44But I came one more day.
12:45And it rained.
12:46And they didn't show up because it rained.
12:48But it stopped raining.
12:49I said, look, all I need to do is make $15.
12:53And I'm going to stick with this.
12:55Man, I made $40.
12:57Wow.
12:58I said, uh-oh.
12:58Okay.
12:58That was Friday.
12:59Tomorrow, Saturday, I'm going to the mall.
13:01So I stood in front of the mall.
13:02I said, if I make $40 today, I'm quitting everything else I'm doing.
13:05And at the time, I was a full-time student at Chicago State University.
13:08I was a single dad raising my son.
13:11I was an actor at a company called Free Street Theater.
13:14It was seven days a week we did theater.
13:17And also, I was a student at Chicago State University.
13:19So I was doing all these things.
13:21I said, I'm quitting all that if I get fawty shawty.
13:24And I made $84 that day.
13:27In like 40 minutes telling jokes as people walked back and forth to go to the mall.
13:31And I quit everything.
13:32I said, I ain't doing nothing but this in four days a week.
13:35I stood in the street telling jokes and passed my hat.
13:37And then winter came.
13:38In Chicago.
13:39Wasn't nobody trying to hit no jokes on State Street in December.
13:42So I packed up everything that fit in my 1967 Buick LeSabre.
13:45I sold everything else.
13:46And I drove to California where I found Venice Beach.
13:49And I spent nine years, 1986 to 95, doing five one-hour shows every Saturday and Sunday on Venice Beach.
13:56So we're going back May 17th and shooting it as a one-hour special.
14:00We're building a stage that looks like a king's crown.
14:02I stand in the middle of the crown.
14:03It's called the king of Venice Beach.
14:05Oh, it's going to be fly.
14:06Oh, it's going to be crazy.
14:07Yeah, it's going to be bananas.
14:08That's awesome, man.
14:10You can hear that chick like that.
14:12The chick is happy.
14:13You saw the comedians amongst your group, your peers.
14:18They were not doing jokes.
14:22What made you never turn from that?
14:26Well, I love jokes, you know.
14:28But they did a different routine, a comedy routine.
14:32More and more people are under the impression that's supposed to be a routine.
14:35That you're supposed to tell a story.
14:37Right.
14:37I teach comedy, and in teaching it, I teach it, that everything in art is about four words.
14:42Tell me a story.
14:45So you're going to tell me a story, whether you're singing or dancing or poetry or whatever.
14:49At the end of the day, if you tell me a story, you capture me.
14:51So in comedy, you should be telling a story.
14:54You should be convincing them of something you want to say, something you want them to believe.
14:58You know what I'm saying?
14:58And so when I come on stage, I do the jokes that get you.
15:02Like when I started on Venice Beach, I was talking about safe sex because it was 86.
15:06And people were dying of AIDS.
15:08And you couldn't do a commercial on radio or TV about condoms because they thought it was dirty in 86.
15:13But all you needed was a condom to save your life.
15:16But you couldn't advertise condoms.
15:18So I would stand on Venice Beach and tell jokes about the condoms.
15:21I had a six-pack, 12-pack, and an eight-pack.
15:24Six-pack is for Hispanic brothers.
15:25That's for making love Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
15:28But off on Sunday.
15:29Eight-pack, that's for your black brothers.
15:31That's for making love Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and twice on Sunday.
15:35And of course, the eight-pack, that's the white guys.
15:37That's the 12-pack.
15:38It's January, February, March.
15:42So if you do a joke like that, people who are uptight about safe sex, they calm down.
15:48They let their guards down.
15:50And that's when I can slip the information in.
15:52That was brilliant.
15:52You know, so yeah, so that's the kind of stuff I was doing in Venice.
15:55And then what killed me is when I did that thing on State Street, what killed me is that white people,
16:00and I never really talked to white people.
16:02I was a kid, and the only white people we saw was when we went downtown.
16:04Right.
16:05White people would walk over and hand me money.
16:07I just told some jokes.
16:08They could give me money.
16:10I had to rob nobody.
16:11I had to look behind my back.
16:12They just, I said, ooh, I like that.
16:14So when I got to Venice Beach, it was over.
16:17I became the king of Venice Beach, and I would have 700 to 800 people standing in a circle around me five times a day every Saturday and Sunday.
16:24I would take home a sack of money.
16:26But more than that, I was connecting with people because then I could talk about my addiction because I'm an addict.
16:30I'm a crackhead, and I want to talk to crackheads so they don't have to be a crackhead.
16:33They can come back and look at me right now.
16:35I'm sitting smack dab in the middle of my dream doing everything I've ever hoped or planned on doing,
16:40and I got the greatest queen in the whole wide world to walk through it with me,
16:43and that's because we can change our lives at any moment we choose.
16:47But what moment shall I choose?
16:49Let's come back after the commercial and talk about something.
16:50There we go.
16:52Michael Carter, who is for sure, and One Mike Detroit downtown will be back.
16:58Wait, wait, wait.
16:59What is One Mike?
17:01What is it?
17:02What is it?
17:02Comedy.
17:03It's the greatest new comedy club on the planet, owned by Mike Ems.
17:06Now you can go into your crib.
17:07I thought that was exactly what I said.