9-14-23 TT
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00:00888-429-0941, Therapy Thursday, rocking with Demesvin and Dover Law Firm.
00:06We got a lot of texts and calls coming in here.
00:10What we got?
00:11Out of the 813.
00:12Okay, so this might be two parts.
00:15I think my fiancé may be up to something.
00:19I think he's cheating.
00:20Should I go through his phone and find out?
00:22Also, why do you do it if you're starting to?
00:26Not like love your fiancé anymore.
00:29Crazy Chronicles.
00:31I mean, if you think it's going on, then yeah, if they've given you a reason to look,
00:35I never endorse looking in people's phones.
00:40I think that's the equivalent of opening somebody's mail.
00:42But sometimes there's a reason to do so.
00:45If you have the reason, then you should go ahead and get that answer so you can make the right decision.
00:50Yeah, if it's going to give you peace of mind, I think you should do it.
00:53But you also need to be ready for the sad truth if something is going on.
00:58Yeah, because I mean, the one thing is, and that's a great point.
01:01If you are going to get to the point where you're going to look in somebody's phone,
01:05then you have to unequivocally take whatever you get.
01:09Don't argue with them after it.
01:10Don't fight.
01:11Don't make it a whole big thing.
01:12It's like you had an idea.
01:14You went and found the answer.
01:16Now it's time to go.
01:17It's like don't just stick around.
01:19Don't look in there and find information and not want to fight.
01:22You get the answer and then go do what you're supposed to do if you're going to go that far.
01:27Is there an option besides looking at the phone first?
01:29Is there any step we could do before doing that?
01:32I mean, of course, you could talk to it.
01:34I mean, there is in the world.
01:37Yes, you can talk to him.
01:39He's not going to be honest if he really is doing anything.
01:42He could be.
01:42But a conversation could not only open your eyes but his eyes as well because then he could be like,
01:50oh, you know, she's about to find me out.
01:52Maybe I should tell her.
01:53Or, you know what, he's unhappy.
01:55Maybe he will tell her.
01:56Maybe he's going to be honest with her.
01:57You never know.
01:58I mean, the lucky thing is you guys are fiancés, so nobody's locked in anything.
02:03If there is a change of his mind, then asking him might make him tell the truth.
02:07But we know a lot of cheaters, and it really doesn't happen at all.
02:10So look in the phone, whatever you find, rock out with that.
02:14Believe what you see.
02:15All right.
02:16Out of the 352, my daughter strips from the garage door.
02:20Soon as she gets home from dance with shoes, shorts, hoodies, and all on the floor.
02:25It's disgusting.
02:27But the strange part is you go into her room, and it's bed and breakfast pristine.
02:33I remember you took the door off, which I love.
02:36So how would I get this point across?
02:38I'm confused.
02:39So she's messy in the house, but her room is so clean.
02:42But her room is nice and clean.
02:43Okay.
02:44So you know what?
02:45I think that the same way.
02:48Okay.
02:48So if you got a kid that comes home, and they drop all their football equipment and just
02:51trail of it to the house and to the room, and then you go in their room, and it's clean,
02:56you probably should flip the script.
02:59And when they come home, have everybody in their room.
03:02If the room is the golden grail, have the whole family in there kicking it, playing board
03:08games, have your other kids with their TV in there, playing video games, with some snacks.
03:15And so when she comes home, she's going to bug out like, why are y'all in my space?
03:19Like, have your dirty clothes on the floor, too.
03:21Kind of like she leaves her clothes all over the rest of the house.
03:24Put your drawers out there, your pajama pants, and all that stuff on her floor.
03:28So when she comes home...
03:29Make her feel it.
03:30She'll see her spot taken up, and they're like, what are you doing?
03:33It's like, well, you treat our spot like that.
03:35Right.
03:35So we're going to treat yours like this.
03:37And that will get her to understand that you got your mom out here running around picking
03:41up tutus.
03:42Right.
03:42And all that stuff.
03:43But then you come in here, and it's the Waldorf Astoria.
03:46Yeah, I was going to say, like, take her clothes and throw it in her room and make her room
03:50messy.
03:50Be like, this is what you do in the house.
03:52No, no, no.
03:52Because then you're picking up...
03:53That's the problem.
03:53You're actually...
03:54You're doing the work.
03:55Like, 80% of the work, she just has to put it away.
03:58So you want to make sure that they pick...
04:00I do this every damn day with the kids leaving crap everywhere and toys.
04:03And it's like, at the end of the night, everybody pick up your crap.
04:06Right.
04:06Or you're not going to get dessert or anything.
04:08Yeah.
04:09So you do it that way, because if you pick it up for her, then you're doing the job.
04:12I saw someone say this with siblings, too.
04:16If you have kids that you want to clean their rooms, and you have one kid that doesn't,
04:21take the money that you would give them for allowance, pay the other kid to clean their
04:27room, like, as a maid service, and say, hey, you want to clean your sister's room for 20
04:32bucks?
04:33And they clean it up.
04:34Now, the sister's like, wait, I didn't want him touching my stuff.
04:37My stuff, yeah.
04:38B, I don't want him taking my money.
04:39And they're like, well, why don't you clean your room yourself?
04:41See?
04:42Those are the lessons.
04:42Yeah, that's a good one.
04:43Parenting takes parenting.
04:44Yeah, that's just birth control for me.
04:46No kids.
04:47That's true.
04:48Yeah, for sure.
04:49That's true.
04:49You don't want to do it.
04:49Out of the 941, I need help, freak show.
04:52I'm getting ready to propose to my boyfriend.
04:55We are gay and masculine, and I am so nervous about asking him.
04:59Also, I don't know how to do it.
05:00Can you please help me out?
05:02Oh, well, first, congratulations.
05:04Yeah, first, congratulations.
05:05Yeah.
05:06Congratulations.
05:06This is a loaded question, though, because this is one of those things.
05:10It's loaded, all right.
05:11Yeah.
05:12No, but like an engagement should be something that is like very personal to those two people.
05:18So it's like I would say like try to go to that person's favorite place or a place that
05:22that person wanted to go to for a long time that maybe you didn't have the funds to do it,
05:27didn't have the time to do it, and do it someplace special.
05:31Masculine.
05:32And they're both very masculine.
05:35Orlando.
05:36I don't.
05:37Engagements are engagements.
05:38It doesn't matter what the gender is.
05:40Okay.
05:41I just, I don't know.
05:43I don't.
05:44Bro, I mean, I can give you like some idea on how to.
05:48Is it the same?
05:49No, we don't know.
05:50I think it's the same.
05:52Engagements are engagement.
05:53You love somebody.
05:54You know, most people want the, oh, my God, that whole thing.
05:59And I'm just wondering, like.
06:00Go to a football game.
06:01You know what I'm saying?
06:01Like, I mean, if it's two dudes, like, go to the game.
06:04Like, you know, like.
06:07It's very hard for me to put my brain around it, so I'm glad you jumped in and answered that.
06:11Thoughtful.
06:12Think about the person and what they like.
06:14You want to make sure that it evokes emotion, and you want to make sure you're being honest
06:18to how you feel about the person.
06:20That's general.
06:20That's just human.
06:22So, I mean, you know, it's not really female or male.
06:24That's just making sure your partner feels the love.
06:27Exactly.
06:27That's what I would probably get at.
06:29I just, you know.
06:30Not at a Bucs game.
06:32Nah, I mean, unless they love the Bucs.
06:34Yeah.
06:34You know, but if they love.
06:36The beach is always romantic.
06:38If they love Adele, then go to the Adele show.
06:40Like, whatever you love.
06:41Oh, Adele would love that.
06:43I mean, hey.
06:43I feel like she would love that.
06:45But what I'm saying is just make sure you're about what the person is about.
06:49I would say do it just between the two of you.
06:51Make sure there's not a bunch of people.
06:52This is my opinion.
06:53Just have it special between the two of you.
06:55Miss the restaurant, this and that.
06:57Maybe on vacation or something.
06:59Even just a road trip.
07:00This is a very dumb question, but I'm proud of being dumb.
07:05You know how in a hetero where women ask and it's like against the rules?
07:10Yes.
07:11Is there a definitive role in the same sex unions where there is a dominant that would
07:17feel slighted that the other person asked?
07:20You know, like we feel slighted when a woman asks.
07:22Right.
07:23Maybe.
07:23Is there a dominant side where somebody has to be the one to ask in the same?
07:28I could see that.
07:29In that way.
07:29Even if they're both very, in this example, both very masculine.
07:33I'm sure there's one that's a little bit more dependent.
07:36The bottom.
07:37I was trying to describe it in so many different ways without saying that.
07:45I'm just keeping a G.
07:46It's got to be the bottom one.
07:48Right.
07:49Yeah.
07:49So if the recipient is asking, does that add the same kind of disdain?
07:56Not necessarily because in that scenario, it would be maybe that woman was more emotional.
08:01And so they would be the one to go ahead and do that anyway.
08:04Because they feel it more.
08:05Joe out of Tampa said, do it at the gym, bro.
08:11Wow.
08:11That's where you met, right?
08:14All right.
08:14I'm not.
08:16Wait.
08:16We got one last one here that just came in.
08:20I'm not going to say their name because I haven't read it yet.
08:22It said, freak show, please help me.
08:23My fiance and I ended up splitting up for a little while.
08:27And I end up having a baby outside of our relationship.
08:31The baby's birthday is coming up and she wants nothing to do with it.
08:35How do I talk to her about it and tell her that I want us to try?
08:41I love all my kids and I want to be a part of this baby's life as well.
08:46A child should not have to grow up without his parents.
08:50Well, of course not.
08:51And you got to step up as a parent and as a father.
08:54And okay, you made a mistake, but we do not need to make it about the kid and take it out on the kid.
09:00I understand that she's upset and she may not want anything to do with the kid.
09:03But she should be upset with you about the situation, not at the child.
09:07And it may take a while for her to come to that realization.
09:09Also, if she's going to be vindictive over time, maybe she's not the one for you.
09:15I was just going to add on and say that that's a constant reminder that you stepped out and you did something wrong.
09:22So you have to understand that, have a conversation with her.
09:25But you also have to come to grips that she's probably not going to be the right one.
09:30And do all the daddy things.
09:32But they're back together now, right?
09:34Yeah, they're back together, but she obviously has resentment.
09:36What I'm saying is that when you got back together, that should have been a conversation.
09:40You had a kid coming back into it.
09:42If she said she was down with getting back together, she had to realize that it's not what it was because now there is a kid.
09:49Y'all have a clear conversation about that and then move forward as adults, then you're good.
09:54But if you just assumed that she would come back in and fall back in line, that's something where you kind of like failed that opportunity.
10:02So when you do get an opportunity to get back together, you have to make sure it's clear definitions that what we had is kind of changed now because there's a kid involved.
10:10Don't take it out on the kid.
10:11Don't.
10:12You got to be there for your kid regardless.
10:14You know, if she can't be there, then, you know, you got to fix that because you are the one that laid down in that situation.
10:21Could have covered it up.
10:22You messed up.
10:23Deal with the consequences, my means.
10:25You messed up.
10:25Yep.
10:26Exactly.
10:27People out here talking about the recipient.
10:29Listen, I didn't know what to call it.
10:30You know, bottom-topped recipient giver.
10:32They wrote back.
10:33They said, yes, there is Orlando.
10:35That's what's making this difficult.
10:38Wait a minute.
10:38Oh, so the dynamic.
10:40Yes.
10:40Yeah.
10:41Yeah.
10:41That's kind of what I was asking.
10:42Like, you know, the person wants to propose.
10:44Right.
10:44But if they're on the subservient side of it, the recipient side of it, that might be the same way as a bride.
10:53It doesn't matter, I don't think.
10:54As long as you guys both want to make that happen.
10:56I'm not mad at brides that do it.
10:58So, I mean, I'm just equating it to the same way.
11:00I think love is love.
11:01So, if a woman is like, listen, you've been waiting too long, just show up.
11:04Here's the tux.
11:05You want a woman to propose to you?
11:07Did you just say that?
11:08I don't.
11:08I wouldn't mind it.
11:09I'm not.
11:10I don't care.
11:11Oh, Orlando.
11:12Oh, Orlando.
11:13You're so sweet.
11:13No, no, listen.
11:13I'm not looking for somebody to do it.
11:15I'm just saying those definitions don't really move me.
11:18I'm like, yo, if you want it, get it.
11:19He's so sweet.
11:20Anybody with scrubs out there, you know what Orlando wants.
11:22Holla at your boy.
11:23Holla at your boy.