Therapy Thursday: Lying About Hanging Out With Their Ex
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00:00All right, Therapy Thursday is here.
00:02We got Meredith M.D., we got Orlando B.G.Y.N.,
00:05and you got a new name, Davi, on the text.
00:07It said, look at Pastor Davi.
00:08Yes, sir, we are going to church right now.
00:10We're going to church.
00:11You don't like church.
00:13That's why we do it here.
00:15That's why he said, I figured out I'll be in charge,
00:17and I'll bring the church to the freak show.
00:19All right, so we have Therapy Thursday, 888-429-0941 is an easy way to get in.
00:24We basically just try and help you through.
00:26And people get mad at us when we give advice.
00:29All of our advice is not brilliant.
00:31We try and balance it out.
00:32We give you one brilliant, we give you one,
00:35ooh, I don't believe they said that.
00:36All right, so that's just where it goes.
00:38So let's see, Dr. Davi, you got one that says,
00:42out of the A13, any advice for a woman in her 30s with no kids on dating?
00:48Ooh, woman in her 30s and no kids with dating.
00:51First of all, that doesn't define you, being 30 with no kids.
00:55That's just.
00:55You really ain't give no info.
00:56Like, she didn't give you anything, but I ain't talking.
01:00That's all we got.
01:01There's so many more layers to you than just that.
01:05But I would put yourself out there.
01:08Get in a couple of uncomfortable situations if that's what you're trying to pursue.
01:13Maybe start some conversations.
01:15Don't always wait for somebody to approach you.
01:19Put yourself in places where you have that opportunity because, you know,
01:23you're not going to find that love sitting at home or just obviously in your same daily routine.
01:30If there's somebody that you like or that you've been seeing, go up there and chat with them.
01:36And I would just say put yourself out there.
01:39A lot of people will probably point to online dating.
01:41That could be an option.
01:43But I would start with your little inner circle and then work your way out of there.
01:50Just put yourself out.
01:51There you go.
01:52All right.
01:52Let's see here.
01:53888-429-0941.
01:54What you got?
01:55I have one out the 813.
01:56It says, good morning, freaks.
01:58I have a friend that's been playing around.
02:00Every time I think we're getting somewhere, it stalls out.
02:03My question is, she suggested that we just be friends and I don't want a friendship with her.
02:08Am I wrong?
02:08The fact that I like her, I see it hard to be friends with her at this point.
02:13I believe you are wrong because a person who is somebody you love can start as your friend.
02:19Like, I mean, you know, it can grow into something.
02:22You should never negate a friendship.
02:23You should always want that.
02:25And if you want more, you can root that on top of a friendship.
02:28Like, that's a foundation.
02:30But she doesn't want more.
02:31She made it clear.
02:32Right.
02:32You got friend zoned.
02:33And I think that you should kind of, if a relationship is what you want and you have not that much interest in being friends with her, I say kind of bad back a little bit.
02:44Maybe don't hang out.
02:45Maybe don't hang out.
02:46You put your cards on the table and she told you her intentions.
02:50Right.
02:50But what about the fact that you have somebody who you're into, so into that you would like to date them?
02:56They want to be your friend.
02:57And so you're like, man, I really like you enough to date you.
03:00So that means I don't like you enough to be your friend.
03:02They're already friends, but that's not what he's looking for.
03:04He wants more.
03:05He wants more.
03:06But we can't have everybody we get.
03:08Why are we being so 12 years old?
03:10So that's what I'm saying.
03:11You can't have everybody you want.
03:12I say move on to the next.
03:14Don't harp over somebody that doesn't have that shared interest in you.
03:18Don't be so available, by the way.
03:20Don't be so out there for her because maybe she'll come running back to you.
03:23But while you run away or back away, like y'all both said, you can still walk away with a friend.
03:29Sure.
03:29Don't ruin the friendship because you can't have sex with her.
03:32It's hard for me to be friends with somebody that I've slept with before.
03:34It could potentially work out, but somebody's always going to have feelings there or you're going to jump back into bed eventually.
03:41All right.
03:42Let's see here.
03:43Meredith, I got one for you.
03:44Sure.
03:45Dr. Meredith, how long do you give a new love interest to get it together in the romance department?
03:51If a person is someone that you like, but the loving was off, how patient are you for them to get it together?
04:00Ah, man, you can be you can be patient.
04:03You know, people can learn new things over time.
04:05And and by the way, everybody's different, especially in the bedroom.
04:09You can't just expect him to know what you want right off the bat.
04:12You know what I mean?
04:13So there should be a little bit of time.
04:15If you really like somebody, there should be a little bit more time given.
04:18But if it's not working after, let's say, I would say six months, that's really when you really need to start thinking about things.
04:26You're going to give him six months to be bad.
04:28Uh, yeah.
04:29Like if you if if the flare is going off too fast or if he's got some mannerisms that you don't like.
04:35Right.
04:35You would stick it out six months just to make sure that's the norm and then bounce.
04:40That's plenty of time to try things out and try new things and see if we can, you know, bring anything else into the bedroom.
04:46But if after a while, it's just not going to work and you guys aren't compatible in the bedroom.
04:50I mean, that's going to be a big issue.
04:52And by the way, it could be a big issue later on.
04:55What if you guys have kids and you guys have a bigger relationship?
04:58It's it might not get better.
05:00Davi's eyes got really big.
05:01So I'm going to swing the basketball all over to his side of the court.
05:04I would just say where you're at in this situation.
05:06Don't expect for him to figure it out.
05:08I would say guide him.
05:10Let him know what where he's lacking, where he's coming up short.
05:14Tell him what you want.
05:15And because the guess the guessing part, he already he guessed wrong.
05:20If things are firing off too soon, though, I tried.
05:23Davi, how long you giving him if it was whack from the jump?
05:27After I kind of gave you some constructive criticism, another month to get to kind of get it together.
05:34And if it don't get together, then it might you might not be the one you committed for a while.
05:38And then now it's just not.
05:39You suck at the dance.
05:41Yeah, that's what it is.
05:42You need a new partner.
05:43Yes.
05:44You just got a call.
05:45And what happened?
05:46Yeah, I just got a call from a lady who had a therapy Thursday question.
05:49But she didn't want she didn't even want to be on the air at all.
05:54And, you know, she didn't identify your voice.
05:55So her issue was she's been with her man for a couple of years.
05:59They just got engaged two weeks ago.
06:02And then out of nowhere, he hits her up and says, I can't marry you.
06:08I don't trust you.
06:10You're a liar.
06:11You're sneaky.
06:12And she said there's nothing like there was nothing.
06:15No discoveries made or anything like that.
06:18There was nothing that she was hiding.
06:20She feels like this came totally out of left field.
06:23Because he's doing dirt and he's blaming it on you.
06:25So I would say there's something shady going on with him.
06:28I mean, because he basically cold feet is the thing.
06:31Yeah.
06:31And certain people respond to cold feet differently.
06:34He probably when you get married or you say you got married or you put it out there and
06:39then all those people come calling.
06:41Yep.
06:41Wait, you got married.
06:42I thought we was gone.
06:43And that could be a part of it, too.
06:45Because, you know, when you post and go an Internet official.
06:48Yes.
06:49Yes.
06:49People see you and they're like, oh, you had a shot at this good good.
06:52You know, and now you kind of weigh in the consequences.
06:54So maybe you got bigger, better dealed or maybe he got cold feet and just decided to
06:59kind of bounce away.
07:00If he's worth it, continue the conversation.
07:03If he's not, then maybe you've just saved yourself some headache.
07:06OK.
07:07You know what I mean?
07:07Like maybe he isn't the one.
07:09Maybe he was the one Mr. Right now, but not necessarily Mr. Right.
07:13And this is a couple that live together that have been together for a couple of years.
07:17So, you know, a little bit about.
07:18Yeah.
07:19So if this is out of the blue, like I said, does that vote him off the island or are you willing
07:24to that's where you have to weigh how good of a catch did you get?
07:28He's trying to redirect.
07:29If you've had all that time with him and you see him as valuable, then that conversation
07:33can continue a little bit.
07:34But he tried you, girl.
07:36He tried you like you can't come back up in here after you live with me all this time
07:40and you like, oh, I can't do this.
07:41I want to do it.
07:42And you a liar.
07:42And you all this is like, no, you when you was getting this good, it was all good.
07:46But so I got one out of the eight, six, three.
07:50Hi, I'm from Lakeland and I'm 19 years old.
07:52I have my boyfriend.
07:53We've been together for two years and I kind of lost trust in him because of a situation.
08:00But I don't feel comfortable with him smoking with one of his co-workers anymore.
08:04When I found out that she wanted to have a one night stand with him before we were together.
08:09So I kind of stayed away.
08:11But I told him that I didn't want him smoking with her anymore just out of respect for the relationship.
08:16Am I wrong for telling him that?
08:18I don't think so.
08:18I don't think you're wrong.
08:20If somebody has shown interest in your partner, this goes both ways.
08:24If somebody has shown interest in your partner and they're supposed to be in a committed relationship,
08:28I think it's your responsibility to create some distance and smoking or drinking or just hanging out, whatever it is.
08:38Yeah, that means that y'all two are paired and one go and do your little talking, hanging out and stuff like that.
08:45So, yeah, that is not responsible, committed behavior relationship.
08:50This is one for the room.
08:52It said, I'll take any doctor.
08:54I joined a dating site months ago and have been on a couple of dates, but got laid off last week due to budget cuts at my job.
09:02I'm not freaked out yet because I've always been good with savings, but I want to ask, do I change my profile and information on my work status as far as my social ad?
09:13Because people see that and do I want them to know the truth about my work position?
09:18Hmm.
09:19Well, if it's your LinkedIn profile or something, I would definitely keep it up to date because you're going to have to put out your resume and go find something else.
09:26I think they're talking about the dating site profile.
09:28Do you tell people that you're dating that you don't have a job right now?
09:31No, I wouldn't.
09:33I find that not only embarrassing.
09:36Not off the rip.
09:37Yeah.
09:37Not on your profile.
09:38That can come up in conversation.
09:40Yeah.
09:40I'm between jobs right now.
09:42You want to tell them that at the restaurant?
09:44No.
09:44You're not going to get no dates.
09:46You're not going to get no swipe rights if you're like, oh, I'm 22, unemployed, and I love cats.
09:51Yeah, not attractive.
09:52Not good.
09:53Stay away from that.
09:53That is something you might want to tell them before they order at the restaurant, though.
09:57They're like, ooh, this lobster Thermador.
09:58You're like, by the way, I am out of work.
10:02I'll have another water, please.
10:03Yeah, you want to get that ravioli, we can do that, all right?
10:06Out the 813 says, should I trip about my girlfriend seeing her friend without me knowing, and they have a past history of sleeping together?
10:15Yes.
10:16That's a problem.
10:17I would have a huge problem with that.
10:19And you're lying about seeing that person?
10:21Why are you lying about it?
10:22Wait, did they say they lie?
10:23Without them knowing.
10:24They didn't say they didn't lie?
10:25It's an omission and omission, and leaving that out of your day is a lie, gentlemen.
10:28Can we not call everything a lie?
10:30That's a lie.
10:30They're not aware.
10:31I hang out with this person.
10:32They're not aware of it because we have a history, but I didn't lie.
10:36What?
10:36I didn't lie.
10:37Like, everybody you see today, you're going to go home and report it to your husband?
10:40No.
10:41If he asked me how my day was and what I did today, pretty much going to tell him.
10:44Oh, yeah.
10:44That's crazy.
10:45Lie or no lie, they knew they were wrong.
10:48Yeah.
10:48That's why they didn't say anything.
10:50I think you have the right to trip over that.
10:52There's certain things that, you know, fall under the category of trippable.
10:57That's one of them.
10:59That's in the trippable category.
11:00Yes, it is.
11:01All right.
11:01Are you trying to tell me everybody that you've had sex with or you've gone to pound town with,
11:06your partner knows?
11:08No, no, no.
11:08It's just if I hung out with them that day, I probably wouldn't be hanging out with them
11:13because it would make my partner feel uncomfortable and out of respect.
11:15You just don't do that.
11:16They're kind of off limits.
11:18If you're in a committed situation.
11:20Everybody?
11:21The past people that you know you're wrong.
11:23Like, if I had sex with you in the 80s.
11:25In the 80s.
11:26And you work at our company.
11:28Well, then that would be somebody that you could be forthwith about.
11:34Right.
11:34But you just don't want to.
11:36But somebody that you hunched and you failed to mention.
11:40Yeah.
11:40Yeah, that's a violation.
11:41Uh-huh.
11:42Okay.
11:42Yeah.
11:43I feel like you've done this out.
11:45I changed that on my rule book.
11:46All right.
11:47I changed that on my rule book.
11:48I changed that on my rule book.
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11:53I changed that on my rule book.
11:54I changed that on my rule book.
11:55I changed that on my rule book.
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11:58I changed that on my rule book.
11:59I changed that on my rule book.
12:00I changed that on my rule book.
12:01I changed that on my rule book.
12:02I changed that on my rule book.
12:03I changed that on my rule book.
12:04I changed that on my rule book.
12:05I changed that on my rule book.
12:06I changed that on my rule book.
12:07I changed that on my rule book.