Therapy Thursday 8-27-20
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00:00Which therapist you need? Therapy Thursday. Now on Wild 94.1. I understand therapy. Hi everybody! Hi Dr. Nick!
00:07Alright, Therapy Thursday, 60 second sessions. Now we gotta try and keep our clock straight so we can help as many of the populace that we can.
00:16Yes. Meredith M.D. is in the building. Hello. Dr. Davi is in the building. Yes. Orlando B.G.Y.N. is up in here.
00:22So, 888-429-0941. If you have a question, we can give you a 60 second session. It's part of our community service. So, who's up first?
00:32Well, we have a phone call. A phone call. 888-429-0941. Every time I answer the phone for this, I never ask the names. I feel like the anonymity is important.
00:41Yeah, because, you know, it's because of HIPAA laws. You can't be asking people names if they're giving all their public stuff. We got a person online. One, how you doing this morning?
00:51Hey, I'm good. How are you?
00:52Pretty good. You got Dr. Davi. So, go ahead with your question.
00:57So, I've been dating this girl for, like, about a year now. And so, she was talking to me and she started to like somebody else.
01:11But at the same time, she doesn't want to lose me in her life. So, I told her that, like, she just takes time for herself.
01:18Like, but she's also with this person. So, I don't know if I should wait around or if I should, like, like, I'm going off and doing my own thing.
01:33And so is she. Because she does want, like, she's still talking to me and still asking to see me.
01:41But she's still with this person. So, like, I'll be down to be, like...
01:48Smash buddies, friends with benefits. You down for that?
01:51Yeah, basically.
01:53Yeah.
01:55But I don't also want to, like, get stung along, you know?
01:59Davi, what you got for her?
02:00Okay. So, I'm a firm believer in if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be.
02:08This girl is kind of showing you the fact that you guys were in a relationship and then she got interested in somebody else is a big red flag.
02:19She's going to give as much leniency as you give her. That's what she's going to do.
02:24So, if you're okay with being a side chick, by all means. But you really have to understand what all that entails.
02:33Being a side chick means that you see her on social media with somebody else.
02:37Being a side chick means that you're not the number one priority.
02:41And being that at a point in time you were to go and get demoted to the backup, to a bench player, it's going to be really, really hard.
02:51So, if you're okay with that, then, by all means, move forward.
02:55But the fact that you guys were in a relationship and then she strayed away, I think that's a sign that she's not the one and she's not 100% into you.
03:07At the same time, I feel like she's also singing the other girl around because she's not saying I love you to that person.
03:14She's only saying I love you to me.
03:15Well, she's telling you exactly what you want to hear.
03:17Right, so you stick around.
03:18As she's telling the other girl exactly what she wants to hear.
03:22You haven't broken it off, so you're giving her the permission to go do whatever she wants to do.
03:27Plus, you also don't want to be, like, you know, quoting her side of it.
03:30Just stick with your side of the script.
03:32Like, be honest to your feelings.
03:34Don't really worry about what she's saying to other people and all this other stuff.
03:39But I keep my options open.
03:40This doesn't sound like the one.
03:41Yeah, for sure.
03:42Yeah, just enjoy yourself.
03:44Yeah, for sure.
03:45All right.
03:46Thank you so much.
03:47There you go.
03:48You too.
03:49All right.
03:49There we go.
03:50888-429-0941.
03:51Slide in.
03:52Text or call.
03:53I got one.
03:54What you got?
03:55Orlando.
03:55I'm a single mom of three.
03:56Divorced now for 18 months.
03:58And the kids have adjusted to living without their dad better than I ever thought they would.
04:02He only takes them on Sundays.
04:04Only overnight when he's available.
04:06My kids never want to go and insist there's no particular reason.
04:10I don't want to force them to go.
04:11They're ages 14, 13, and 9.
04:13But mama needs some alone time.
04:15Am I being selfish?
04:16Should I be more concerned about them not wanting to see their dad please help?
04:21I mean, you should be concerned.
04:24They should get a vote.
04:25But you should also.
04:27It's not selfish to want to push them to have a relationship with their father.
04:31If he's failing at that, they're going to, you know, get the clue on it.
04:37And maybe they're already getting that.
04:38But your job is to kind of endorse that because you know as the adult that it has to be part of their lives.
04:45It has to be like, you know, part of that whole DNA, especially if you got like, you know, boys that need their father or if you got girls that need that father, you know, kind of influence.
04:57So they don't end up out there scarred and chasing, you know, bad guys because they didn't have a father figure.
05:04So you know how bad it can get.
05:06So while he is stumbling and everything else, you need to make sure that you endorse the fact that they need to have that relationship.
05:13Maybe he'll come back around.
05:14Most men do.
05:16Some don't.
05:17And that's unfortunate.
05:18But yeah, you should definitely not see yourself as selfish, but just see yourself as being effective and push the kids to have that relationship.
05:26Be the parent.
05:27Be, you know, they're young and dumb.
05:29That's what happens.
05:29And you get alone time at the same time.
05:31And you work it out when you get some alone time.
05:33So that's perfect.
05:34All right, let's grab another one.
05:35What we got?
05:36Meredith, this one's out the A63.
05:38It says, Meredith, I've been living with my boyfriend for six years.
05:41I used to not work.
05:42And he told me that if I started work and he would help around the house.
05:46Well, I work now and he still expects me to do everything while he sits around after work and on his days off.
05:52What should I do to help have him help me around the house?
05:55It's getting very overwhelming.
05:57Oh, yeah, you got to you got to start nip this in the bud right now.
06:00You got to make sure that he promised you something and a little reminders go a long way.
06:05I mean, you don't have to be a bee about it.
06:06You can totally just be persistent and say, hey, I'm cleaning.
06:11This is Saturday or Sunday.
06:12You can start making like a little bit of a schedule.
06:15Like most people, they take Sunday and that's laundry day or like they take an extra hour and they'll be vacuuming and dusting and stuff like that.
06:22So I think doing it together would be really helpful.
06:25Not you doing it and then him just sitting on his fat ass, just eating some chips and then watching you because that's not cool.
06:32That's not cool.
06:33Yeah.
06:34He promised you something.
06:35He needs to keep up the end of what he what he agreed on.
06:38And you need to remind him that a part of being in a relationship, a loving one is helping out around the house.
06:44If you can, you're working, too.
06:45So you're providing.
06:47So I've been dating this guy for like going on three years now and I'm starting to get the feeling like he's seeing someone else because he's pushing me away like more and more.
06:57It's like days go on.
07:01OK.
07:01Like I should go about it, like just ask him like, hey, are you cheating on me or something?
07:05I would start.
07:09Don't start there as start up.
07:12Yeah.
07:12Yeah.
07:13Start with a conversation.
07:14Make it about what changed, what changed in our relationship.
07:18Be 100 percent honest with him.
07:19I don't feel the same vibe.
07:22I don't feel the same connection that we once had.
07:25What's different?
07:26It may not be cheating.
07:27It may be just stress from life, everything going on.
07:31It could be financial.
07:32It could be a million different things or it could be cheating.
07:36But you have to start it with a conversation.
07:39Sit down like adults and say, remember when we got together and the love and this and three years later, I don't feel the same way.
07:47And I want to work on this.
07:49I can tell that just by you calling and and reaching out to us, this is very important to you.
07:55You got to make sure that the relationship is just as important to him.
08:00And if it is, how do we fix it?
08:03How do we improve it?
08:04All relationships go through ups and downs.
08:07We all have those little voices and those little second guesses.
08:10But just have a mature adult conversation and put it all out there on the table.
08:16I don't like the way that this is going.
08:19How can we help?
08:20Don't lead with the cheating.
08:21Don't lead with the cheating.
08:22Yeah, that's that's a tough sell.
08:24All right.
08:24All right.
08:25Plus, you get defensive real quick.
08:27Yeah, I'm going to shut down.
08:28If you start with you, boom, it's like he's going to shut down.
08:32She's like, hey, when you come home, I want to talk to you.
08:34Oh, man.
08:36Every day we get tense.
08:37Oh, I'm going to be home late.
08:40We have a text for you, Orlando, out of the 407 area code.
08:43It says, Orlando, I have been going through it with the child of my mother.
08:48I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month.
08:51I've spent five thousand dollars on lawyers and et cetera to get my daughter in my life.
08:56I voluntarily put myself on child support.
09:00Wait, I was throwing away a child of my mother.
09:03Wait, what?
09:04The mother of my child.
09:05OK, OK.
09:06Because I was like, wait, I was trying to figure out how to get her.
09:08Did I say child of my mother?
09:09Yeah, you said child of my mother.
09:10All right.
09:10So it's a baby mama situation.
09:11He's going through it with the baby mama.
09:12He hasn't seen his daughter in a month.
09:15He spent five thousand dollars already on lawyers.
09:18He's trying to get his daughter back in his life.
09:20He voluntarily put himself on five hundred dollar a month child support.
09:24And the last sentence is, I just don't know what else to do.
09:28You're doing a lot because there are not many people out there who are doing that much.
09:33I mean, it's sad.
09:36But like we talked about earlier, your daughter, your child needs you in their life.
09:41So what you need to do is probably convince the mom that it's in her best interest and the child's best interest to have you involved.
09:49So you're doing a lot.
09:51And, you know, I would I would definitely make that part of the conversation.
09:54Like, you know, say how you value what she's doing and you want to do your part.
09:58A lot of people walk away from those responsibilities.
10:01So, you know, showing up for it and making it about the kid and not about her disdain for you.
10:07She don't like you.
10:08You did something bad.
10:10You may have cheated.
10:11She may have cheated.
10:11Whatever y'all had that fractures your relationship.
10:14Let's get rid of that and make it about the child.
10:17The child needs their parents.
10:18And if the parents ain't good, then make sure that that unit in between y'all gets all that love that y'all apparently don't have time to give each other anymore.
10:28So you don't even have a reason to even really be all up on each other loving like that.
10:32But love the kid in the middle and make it all about that.
10:35So if you can convince her that because you convinced her of some things, you convinced her to lay down, you convinced her to go out with you, you convinced her to do a lot of stuff.
10:43So if you can convince her now to focus on the baby, then that's the real game game that you need.
10:48So use that.
10:49That's what I would say.
10:50But keep doing what you're doing.
10:52Don't don't waver on your responsibility because you have arguments going on.
10:56You don't want somebody to lose because you got personal stuff going on.
10:59So that's it.
11:01All right.
11:01Let's see.
11:01Let's grab one more.
11:03What we got?
11:03I got one for Davi.
11:05I feel like a terrible mom.
11:06My husband and I have four kids ranging in age from freshman in college to kindergarten, one of which has special needs.
11:12Our daily routine is jam packed and tremendously tired by the end of the day.
11:17Is it awful that we look forward to nights that we have help?
11:21So as soon as the youngest are in bed and well taken care of, we run over to our neighbors, get stoned, play Uno all night long.
11:30No, I don't think I don't think it's terrible.
11:33Um, you absolutely 100 percent have your hands full for kids, a special needs kid.
11:39I just remember the house doesn't run unless mom and dad are running to.
11:45So if that is what you guys do for relaxation and who are we to judge?
11:51Go on here.
11:53As long as you're not being irresponsible, you're not putting yourself or any of the kids in danger.
12:00I don't see anything wrong with it.
12:01And having help is definitely a blessing.
12:04It should not be something that you are ashamed about or feel in any type way guilty about.
12:11I commend you guys for holding it down.
12:13The fact that you have four kids, one in college, a special needs kid, a young one, and you're able to juggle this whole thing.
12:20I think that that deserves a round of applause.
12:22And play Uno at the same time.
12:24And play Uno.
12:26Draw four.
12:26That's right.
12:27You guys are going to the neighbor's house.
12:29It's not like you're going out on weekend vacations and leaving all your responsibilities gone.
12:34Do you?
12:34Just do you for a couple hours.
12:36Come back.
12:36Get some good night's sleep after the Uno and the...
12:39And then, you know, be back to...
12:40And throw some Jenga up in there.
12:42Yeah.
12:42And bring home some Cheetos.
12:43Like the spicy ones.
12:45The spicy jalapeno ones.
12:47Those are good.
12:48That's just...
12:48That'll make your night, too.
12:49All right?
12:50There you go.
12:53Therapy Thursdays a wrap right there.
12:5560-second sessions.
12:56You call our probation officer.
12:57You tell her we did our job this time.