Therapy Thursday: When Your Partner Doesn't Have Their "Stuff" Together
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00:00Which therapist you need?
00:01Therapy Thursday.
00:01Now on Wild 94.1.
00:03I understand therapy.
00:04Hi, everybody.
00:06Hi, Dr. Nick.
00:07Therapy Thursday is here.
00:09It's where we talk it out, work it out,
00:11help some of the folks that listen to us
00:13maybe maneuver some sort of problem.
00:15I have a doctor on my left by the name of Dr. Dobby.
00:18Ready for you.
00:18I have a medical professional on my right
00:21by the name of Meredith M.D.
00:23Well, hello.
00:24And if you have time to put your foot in the stirrups,
00:27I'm Orlando B. G.Y.N.
00:29Okay, so we have all points covered up in here.
00:32888-429-0941.
00:35There is a question.
00:37Oh, no.
00:38They hung up already.
00:39They got cold feet.
00:40All right, so who has one?
00:42I have one.
00:42Because I have a few.
00:43Okay, Dobby.
00:44DÃmelo.
00:44I'm a 36-year-old single dad
00:47dating an 18-year-old OnlyFans model.
00:54Congratulations on that accomplishment.
00:56She wants to get serious.
00:57I don't know if I should let that happen.
01:02I don't know if I wanted to get serious in general.
01:05She spoils me, and I really enjoy it.
01:07I just don't want to lose that aspect of it,
01:09but I definitely don't want a serious relationship
01:11with an OnlyFans model.
01:13Well, I think that's your answer right there.
01:15Let's not be hasty.
01:16How should I let her know?
01:17She spoils me.
01:18Yeah, I understand that.
01:20I would just take this as a temporary thing.
01:22She is half your age, and you have a kid.
01:26Eventually, what you guys want and need
01:29is not going to align.
01:31And I don't know.
01:32I think this is a fun, short-term thing.
01:36Ride it out.
01:37But as far as getting serious with said person,
01:42I think it's a recipe for disaster.
01:44I think you guys are in two very, very different places in life,
01:47and it's not going to end well.
01:49If I could add one thing, it depends on how you met him.
01:52Because if you met her because of OnlyFans,
01:54then you kind of can't judge because you entered into the dragon.
01:58Yeah, you were paying.
01:59You came in.
02:00So if you met them that way, you can't really.
02:03It's like meeting Davi, and Davi's a DJ.
02:05And he's like, you know what?
02:06You should probably look for a different career choice to be with me.
02:08It's like, yo, you met me doing this.
02:10It's like, so if OnlyFans was part of that meeting,
02:13that might need to take a little grain of salt.
02:15That's all.
02:15And for me, I think the fact that she's 18.
02:18She's 18, bro.
02:20Yeah, he's 36.
02:21Let it go.
02:22Half your age, dog.
02:22Half your age.
02:23Boy, that's a successful move right there.
02:25Half your age hits a lot different when they just became legal.
02:30Like, she's 18.
02:30Yeah, that's too young.
02:31And she's spoiling you, though.
02:33I get it.
02:34Then we just got back to the good part, Meredith.
02:37Boy, you can have a woman spoiling you.
02:39You're a good day.
02:39All right, let's see.
02:40Dr. Meredith is up.
02:41Yes.
02:42It says, Dr. Meredith.
02:43It's Meredith MD, but we'll take that.
02:45Dr. Meredith, if you're dating a guy casually,
02:48do you expect the guy to come through with birthday gifts for your kid?
02:52Dad is still very much in the picture, I want to add.
02:56And I've only met the kid a few quick times.
02:59I'm asking because I'm getting a lot of drama from the girl
03:03because I didn't bring her son birthday gifts.
03:06Who, it says, who do that?
03:09Who do that?
03:10Who do that?
03:11Casually dating, I would say, no, that's not your responsibility.
03:14It sounds like she may be thinking you're not as casual as you may be thinking
03:19because if I'm kind of dating somebody and we've been dating for a little while
03:22and, hey, my kid is an extension of me, that's me right there.
03:27So I would rather you go if it's a little bit more serious than anything would do.
03:33So that's probably why she's hurt.
03:35You know what I mean?
03:35Like you're ignoring her kid.
03:37You don't want to ignore a baby.
03:38But, dude, if it's just like a fling or you're just casually dating,
03:41you don't see anything in the future with her, then, no,
03:44that's not your responsibility.
03:45That's her kid.
03:46It just depends because it sounds like both of you are not on the same page here.
03:49It's not your responsibility, but I will say, just to add on,
03:53because you were absolutely correct with your diagnosis.
03:55Oh, well, thanks.
03:56But I will say if you're keeping it P, you can buy gifts for a kid through the mom.
04:03You don't want the credit for it because if you don't know the kid,
04:05the kid's not my responsibility.
04:07I don't have a relationship with the kid, but I do have a relationship with you.
04:10And I know I've done this a few times with people who I was hollering at,
04:12I don't know your kid, I ain't never met your kid,
04:14but you're telling me you're playing in the party.
04:16So I'm like, hey, let me help you out a little bit and whatever.
04:18And so give them something.
04:20And I'm like, it doesn't have to be from me because they don't know me.
04:23Let me just help you because you're my ally.
04:25You know, me, I don't mess with you.
04:27I don't mess with that kid.
04:28Here you go.
04:29And then that can absolve a lot of the drama.
04:32Yes.
04:32And it'll win her over a little bit more if that's what you're looking for.
04:35And it's a backdoor way of taking care of the kid and impressing the mom.
04:39Right.
04:40Yeah.
04:40That's all you're trying to do.
04:41I'm still trying to impress you.
04:42So, hey, here's a couple hundred dollars.
04:43Yeah, that's pimping right there.
04:44Yeah, that's a smooth move right now.
04:46Pull a little something on that for you, kid.
04:47Yeah, very smart.
04:47But make it from you.
04:48Yeah.
04:49Like, you don't know you're nothing.
04:49I don't want to start no fighting.
04:51But she knows, and she'll always remember that.
04:52Yeah.
04:52You were that sweet to do that.
04:53So, of course, if you want to, what's it going to hurt to spend like 25 bucks, you know?
04:58There you go.
04:58All right, let's squeeze one more in.
04:59What we got?
04:59This one's for the room.
05:01It says, one of my best friends is dealing with a married man.
05:04I do not condone this behavior at all, and now I'm worried about her being around my husband.
05:09Am I tripping?
05:10I'm thinking about creating some distance from her, but at the same time, that's my girl,
05:14and we've been through a lot.
05:16See that?
05:16See that?
05:17That we've been through a lot means that you've done dirt that she knows about, and she's done dirt that she knows about.
05:22That's the code.
05:23Is that what I meant?
05:24We ain't got to dig into your business, but y'all have done some dirt together, so you, you know, lay down with dogs, you get fleas.
05:30Now, that don't mean that she's going to go after your man, but it does mean that you've kind of co-signed some of her activity out there,
05:37so you can't get mad at her for being real.
05:38She keeping her the buck.
05:39You can distance a little bit, though.
05:41This is who I am.
05:41Yes, but as you get older or in a relationship, if you don't want to associate with somebody that is doing dirt in your eyes,
05:48if that's what you want to call it, I mean, you can distance yourself from a relationship just a little bit,
05:52if that's what makes you feel better.
05:53Is that none of your business, though?
05:54It is none of your business.
05:55That's her best friend.
05:56But girls are different.
05:57Girls are different because they call each other and tell each other everything that's going on.
06:01That's your bestie, so you got to be there for your bestie.
06:03But your husband, it doesn't mean I want your husband.
06:06I wanted a married man.
06:07The dude who I wanted happened to be married, and he was down to get down.
06:11You have a different situation.
06:13A, your man don't look good.
06:15Secondly, you keep him happy.
06:17Like, you don't, whatever.
06:18But I don't want your guys, so it shouldn't really factor into the friendship.
06:22Yeah, it doesn't mean she's going to take your man.
06:24If we got to quote our man, Kevin Hart, when you are my best friend, my boo is your boo.
06:31Like, I mean, that's just it.
06:33That's what we do.
06:34We share it.
06:34So don't get rid of the friend.
06:36Just know your husband ain't her type, and keep it moving.
06:38All right, more of your questions coming up after Lotto.
06:41We got your Therapy Thursday questions, 888-429-0941.
06:45You can pull up.
06:46What we got?
06:46This one didn't say who they want to answer, so I'll just read it.
06:49It says, I've been communicating with this man who is incarcerated.
06:52We had a little thing before he went away, but it seems like our bond has strengthened a lot over the last 38 months.
06:59We tell each other we love each other, and I told him that he could move in with me when he gets out.
07:06Okay.
07:07Now I'm having second thoughts.
07:08Yeah, thanks.
07:09Duh.
07:09Can I change my mind, or do I need to follow through with this?
07:12No, you can absolutely change your mind, because he's still a captive audience.
07:16Like, he's locked up, right?
07:17You got time.
07:17He's locked 38 months.
07:19Right.
07:19So, yeah.
07:2038 months.
07:21He's still inside.
07:22So you can change your mind, because he would now have to come up with another option.
07:26It's not like he got the right to show up.
07:27He probably doesn't have very many options.
07:30Trust me.
07:30They love each other, Orlando.
07:32I'm aware he...
07:33We are in love.
07:33Listen.
07:35Listen.
07:35I love him.
07:36There's a great possibility that the things, the sensitive things that have been said to
07:43you is because the options are very limited, because he's in there.
07:46It's locked up.
07:47Understood.
07:48And you're getting a really good side of him and everything.
07:50They did say they used to deal with each other before he went away.
07:53Right.
07:53Mm-hmm.
07:54So...
07:54But got closer over the 38 months.
07:57Yeah.
07:57Feels like we're closer.
07:58You know why you feel like you're closer?
08:00Yeah.
08:00Because imagine him not having no friends to text, no friends to email, nobody to go to hang
08:06out with, and it's just you.
08:07Mm-hmm.
08:07Because that's what it is right now in jail.
08:09So, you know, if you've romanticized this, I would fall back a little bit and say, you
08:15know what?
08:16Maybe we're going too far to be moving in together and stuff.
08:19You know, let's...
08:20The answer is you can change your mind.
08:22You're allowed to.
08:23You can change your mind.
08:23And just keep an open relationship with him.
08:25Because, you know, if you do change your mind, you want to get back together with him,
08:28you have time to figure that out, because it's going to be three years.
08:30If we're keeping it honest, yes, you can.
08:32He's going to pull up.
08:33He's going to pull up like them parents.
08:34You're going to have to call first, inmate 52-6J7.
08:39You're going to have to make sure you call and let me know you're coming.
08:42All right.
08:43Let's see.
08:43Dr. Davi.
08:44D-Milo.
08:45This is a question that says, if you have a chance to switch up to another job for a
08:50little more money, but the new job comes with a P-test on the regular, and you happen
08:57to be a medical card holder, would you go there?
09:00It seems like a setup for failure for me, because my job now is all good, with no possibility
09:06of me getting in trouble, if you know what I mean.
09:08What do I do in this situation?
09:10Because the long term would undermine my short term.
09:15I don't know what that means.
09:17The long term will undermine my short term.
09:18If you're a medical card holder, the law is on your side.
09:22I don't think a job is allowed to keep you from taking your medicine.
09:26I don't know about that.
09:28Unless you're operating heavy machinery.
09:30Maybe I'm wrong.
09:31Maybe I'm wrong.
09:31But I think you're opening, they would be opening themselves up to-
09:35Legal issues.
09:36Yeah, legal issues, because there's probably some stipulations if you're operating heavy
09:42machinery or flying a plane or something like that.
09:43If that's all you're doing, though.
09:45If you're doing anything that's not on that medical marijuana card, and then they're testing
09:49you.
09:50Just going by his email, he said a medical card.
09:53Right.
09:54And take that out of the equation for just one second.
09:57That's not, though, because I'm listening to your answer, and I'm like, damn, wait a minute.
10:00So I got a card.
10:01Does that mean I can go outside?
10:02Yeah, that's what the card is for, so you can take your medicine.
10:07I didn't know that.
10:08People take a lot of things during the work day.
10:10We have people here that take breaks.
10:11Yeah.
10:12Okay, Buck is shaking his head like, that's not true.
10:15Yes, it is.
10:15It is true.
10:16Yes, it is.
10:17But I will say, take that to the side for one second.
10:20Just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
10:23The grass, I see what you do.
10:26If you have a good thing going, and you said it's just for a little bit more money, then
10:30I would kind of figure out, maybe you have a really good thing at your job that you don't
10:35want to mess up, and starting over at somewhere else might be a big burden on you.
10:40There's something that you always talk about when you give advice about ambition.
10:44You always say, strive, do better.
10:47Right.
10:47And when I read that, I was thinking that you have a comfortable job that not testing
10:51you, it could be good for ever.
10:54You know what I mean?
10:54But you have a better opportunity for some growth.
10:57It ain't a lot more money, but there's a little bit more structure there.
11:00So in essence, what we always tell people about being motivated, have some sort of ambition
11:05or plan, kind of would speak to that, like not holding on to an easy job, a cakewalk job,
11:11because they allow you to partake.
11:14You know what I'm saying?
11:15Like have a little bit more upside.
11:16If it's more upside than just a little bit of money, but it's like sometimes we got to
11:20put on our adult pants.
11:21Like, you know, like the fact, like I just asked you, like, man, so that means I could
11:24walk.
11:25I don't walk out to go out and enjoy because I don't want to come back and my corporate
11:29people be looking at me like, whoa, Jamaican now?
11:31We're getting a slew of tech saying that you're not protected.
11:35Medical marijuana card.
11:37Remember, there's a ton of people that use, we laugh about it and we talk about all this,
11:42but there's a lot of people that this is a lifesaver for them.
11:46It could be whatever the symptoms or whatever they have could be debilitating and this helps
11:52a lot.
11:52So if this is something you need, I wouldn't jeopardize that.
11:55Okay.
11:55Yeah, don't mess up your money.
11:57Okay.
11:57I have one for the room.
11:59Okay.
11:59I'm 35 and my friend is 40 and he does not have his stuff together, meaning no car, no
12:06stable place to stay, no stable job, and even lives in the trap.
12:10But he's a genuine person.
12:13I'm just not quite sure if he's for me because I don't know how to proceed with this.
12:18Should I stay in this relationship and see where it goes because he's a good, genuine
12:22guy or let it go?
12:24I would tell you, there was a girl I dated here in Tampa and I forgot, it's right off of
12:31275.
12:33Like when you leave Malfunction Junction, there's some like projects that's like under the overpass
12:38of 275 down there and I knew her from the club and she was the dopest person and I
12:46had to give her a ride home one night and I took her home and I was like, oh my God, this
12:51is, this is, wow.
12:53Is this where the dog came out?
12:54Yes, yes, I told you a long time ago about that dog when I left her house, it was just
12:59a Rottweiler out and it was just free and I was walking to my car and it was like, chase
13:03me to my car.
13:04But what I'm saying is that where somebody lives shouldn't undermine you being involved
13:09with them.
13:09If they good people, you don't care where they live or whatever else, that shouldn't be
13:13a factor into all of that stuff.
13:15Like, you know what I'm saying?
13:16Like, like you catch somebody at their different trajectory, they at the beginning of their growth,
13:21you still got a good person.
13:23You don't want, you don't get rid of a good one because there's some great living dirt
13:27bags out there.
13:28There's some people who got great apartments and condos and ain't worth water.
13:33Right.
13:33You know what I'm saying?
13:33So you find a good one.
13:35Who cares?
13:36I think the, the, the, one of the biggest mistakes and most common mistakes that people
13:40make is thinking that they can fix or change somebody.
13:44So you have to go into this with the idea of this is who he is and lack of ambition.
13:50Is one of the least sexy things you're, you're going to, I think you're going to grow to
13:55resent that.
13:56If you don't, you, it's one thing to not have your stuff together, but to never have your
14:00stuff together and never really even try to step up and step your game up.
14:05Yeah.
14:05I think that's going to get old real quick.
14:07She listed all the red flags.
14:08Yeah, but the only red flag that made sense to me was the no car.
14:11Cause we don't live in a place where you could live with like a subway system or something.
14:15Like some cities you can get around without a car.
14:17You don't need one.
14:18Here, you got to have one so that I don't know too many ladies who are cool dating somebody
14:23that they need to drive the whole time.
14:25But other than that, having somebody, they're like, they don't never, he, he won't ever get
14:29better.
14:29You might be the impetus for him to get better because he wants to keep up with you.
14:33Like somebody see you winning.
14:35They don't necessarily want to be a bum.
14:37Um, but I think, I mean, hell, I just think that if, if somebody gives you the opportunity
14:41to show them, they shine, let them shine.
14:42Maybe it's a difference between men and women here because this, for me, it's too many red
14:46flags.
14:46You can, you can still talk to him if you want to, but I would not take this relationship
14:50serious at all whatsoever.
14:51And also really say, my sister, I would say, get him a car.
14:53He's genuine.
14:54He's genuine.
14:54He's genuine.
14:55That's all I heard.
14:55He's genuine.
14:56Like, okay.
14:57He ain't got no job.
14:58Genuine means something though.
14:59It doesn't mean everything though.
15:00They have a lot of fake things out here that got really good things on paper, but you
15:05get with them and they don't have a genuine bone in their body.
15:07That means he's good in bed and he's a genuine person and, but he has nothing else to offer.
15:11He might've grown up with a good Christian family.
15:13They might be a little poor.
15:14Go get a job.
15:15There's lots of jobs.
15:16Let's, let's build you up a little bit here.
15:18Wait.
15:18Oh my God.
15:19Scrubs just hit me with, I guess we're going to tap into another doctor.
15:23Okay.
15:23They said, you out here giving bad advice.
15:25Grown men without their blank together is a no go.
15:29Dobby had it at a honey.
15:32You knew where I was going with that.
15:33All right, fine.
15:34And leave him on the curb.
15:35He can't stay.
15:37Orlando and the freak show.
15:39Therapy Thursday is a wrap.
15:41888-429-0941.
15:42You can always tap in with your freak.