Therapy Thursday: Holiday Times With The Ex's Family
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00:00which therapist you need therapy thursday now on wild 94.1 i understand therapy
00:04therapy thursday is on we have uh meredith md here ready to answer some of your queries
00:12i don't know feeling it today meredith md's been drinking yeah i wish just enough you know what i
00:21have an extra shot of espresso in here not a shot of alcohol all right uh i am orlando bgyn
00:29dr davi is out on the medical consult this morning so uh we have the lines open 888-429-0941 if you
00:37have a question you can text us or you can call and we'll give you our best uh attempt at brilliance
00:43uh sometimes we stumble into it sometimes we ask for help uh what would we have okay this first one
00:49just came in at the 941 my husband is 35 years old he's a jamaican american his dad taught him how to
00:57cook his butt off so no woman would ever be able to starve him i guess he's talking about me now my
01:04mom can cook like no one's business but my husband taught me to cook meredith am i wrong orlando help
01:11me because i have a five-year-old son with pots and pans but i'm not ready to have him pretend how to
01:19cook i'm all for independence but he's just a baby i don't even want him playing with pots or pans right
01:25now i'm wait i'm confused dad cooks she cooks and the kids got toys like a pet kitchen like a like a
01:34toy play play kitchen yeah and she doesn't want him to be playing with the kitchen i guess not she
01:39she said i'm all for independence but he's a baby why does he need to be in the kitchen
01:43okay so okay well kids want to emulate their parents to me it sounds like it's one of those like gender
01:51things like like you don't think that that's appropriate but i mean you got chefs yeah you
01:57know i'm saying like i get it it's not doll i mean and i i shouldn't say that because i know some people
02:02out there like that's not fair to say but dolls well some people feel that way but kitchen stuff is not
02:08just like it you know i'm saying it's not it's there's chefs out there they're they're male chefs
02:14their dad who's on the grill like there's there's you know providing for for folks or whatever so if you
02:20see your dad who's a great cook and and and you want to emulate him i mean i could see a kid wanting
02:26to do that now i do know that there are blurred lines of gender stuff but i mean realistically let
02:32the kid live if the kid wants to emulate like daddy's making sauce he wants to make sauce you know
02:38he's watching dad maybe even helping dad you know i'm saying there's nothing wrong with that
02:43learn how to crack an egg the areas of where this was like a conversation have now moved aside where
02:49people aren't as gender you know locked as they used to be i mean a kitchenette is not a bad look
02:56they even have some that are built like grills instead of the pink strawberry shortcake-ish type
03:03of stuff you know so if you want to get him something get him like a weber grill type of kitchen
03:08with all of the stuff that dad has and let him set it up right next to him in the kitchen and go at it
03:13you know what's interesting is not everybody plays with dolls not everybody plays with trucks but
03:19everybody needs to know how to eat and how to cook at some point at some level so i have there should be
03:26no problem if he wants to the little five-year-old wants to help you in the kitchen sometimes it is
03:29helpful sometimes it takes way too long but also getting them used to certain skills or playing in the
03:34kitchen he just wants to emulate his dad who's an awesome cook um this had just come in out of the
03:38eight six three it says i love my girl but i feel like i'm paying the price for her ex i admit that
03:45the girl i admit that the guy was a horrible human but it we're a year in in june uh and i'm still on
03:54eggshells and a suspect anytime i leave the house i love her but it still makes it hard please tell me
04:02that if this gets better uh i've been this uh woman girl before sometimes it's not intentional
04:09it's just you're scared because something whatever will happen you feel like it's gonna spiral again
04:15you're gonna get cheated on again um you know you still have all that that bent up hostility
04:20um she's got to drop it if you want to maintain a healthy respectful relationship you learn and move
04:27on and you can't expect both relationships to be exactly the same you got to give her time though
04:31um if you've gone through it like you said um a lot of people out there have those kind of uh like
04:37ptsd kind of responses where where they they see you disappear and they start being reminded of when
04:44uh that person was in their life if you know that they're horrible just imagine what she went through
04:49and you know me with my analogy sometimes people tease me about them but uh when you adopt some uh
04:56like i'm not like it please don't get mad at me i'm not liking a woman to a pet but i'm saying when
05:01you adopt a pet that has been treated badly and you reach out to pet it and it pulls away or it shies
05:08away because it's scared of you and or it won't come to you and you but you have to be patient and if
05:14you've seen it on line where they have those really aggressive dogs and then all of a sudden
05:19they really are kind and they really start becoming loving and everything like that it took
05:24them a minute to win their trust and it took them a minute to remind them of the good parts and now
05:29that now that that animal is like in a loving situation right they are running around like the
05:34best pet ever so i'm not saying your girl is a pet but it is that same kind of thing where they went
05:40through hell and you are not hell but you are still reminding them of it so be patient if you
05:47love them that much if you don't love them that much to be patient you might need to tap out now
05:51and go ahead and go yeah but if you do really love them and you really trying to wait for that really
05:57sweet spot be patient go through all of the little stuff that she needs you to go through to win her
06:03trust over and maybe that puppy will start turning over let you rub her belly
06:07everything always goes back to sex with us
06:10ain't nothing wrong with a little rub every now and then all right wait we got your calls
06:14888-429-0941 therapy thursday is on you want to get in call us or text us and we'll slide you in
06:21for one of these brilliant answers all right we got it coming up a part two freak show out 941
06:26base party station therapy thursday 888-429-0941 let's see here we have a call we'll just say line
06:34one here i don't want to be calling out nobody names i don't know what your confession though your
06:38therapy question is what what's up what's up this is lamar hey lamar yeah what's up so i have um
06:46issue in my relationship where i have um like an ex and i have an ex-wife and um i started dating like
06:55i guess right after i left my ex-wife and like right now we still have similar to what you guys were
07:01talking about a second ago um issues with um trust and things like that so you know trying to connect
07:08again like how do you i guess reset that and a new relationship that you kind of rushed into
07:13you know what i mean just to get comfort so you let you you left the ex and now you're with somebody
07:21else and you feel like you rushed into it because you're now dealing with the trust issues yeah yeah
07:27yeah i mean she don't trust me and i don't trust her uh i mean so well okay now now we just got to
07:34be honest i mean what's the benefit is it just good sexies like you know i'm saying is it just like
07:38what's the point of being there you don't trust her she don't trust you is it is it good physical
07:42yeah for sure okay so that's a benefit all right because we can look at the pros and the cons that's a
07:48big pro are there any other benefits other than the physical uh i mean she she's a good person man
07:55ain't gonna lie about that it's just tough like some days i'll be like man bro like it's like so
08:00if you wake up in the morning and somebody say something negative that's the first thing like
08:05ruins your whole day ruins such a homo mood for the whole day you're like why am i even in this
08:09yeah so you woke up you went to sleep the same way like how i'm trying to see how like why are you
08:16still that mad at me because of something or because of whatever well this is the perfect or this
08:22perfect answer for what i said like if you think about it the sex is the headline is it worth all
08:29of the downside is it worth waking up with that person who went to bed mad and woke up mad like
08:36now that sex don't seem pretty that don't seem pretty popping like that's what i'm saying you
08:41got to look at your pros and cons you might not be able to do it all now but sit down and think of
08:45all of the benefits that you have of this girl like i mean you know she makes you i love her laugh
08:50i i love you know the the family she comes from like what any of the things that you can write
08:55down that's a good thing and then write down the list of the bad like you know she go to bed mad
08:59she got this attitude she i don't trust her you know blah blah blah because i mean right so so you
09:05know there's some women out here that you you make them so mad sometimes that they get to that point
09:09that they feel comfortable enough to talk to you like a thug and then like that's what you be trying
09:13to do sometimes like oh yeah see all right we're gonna put that on the list of the cons right there
09:16i'm not trying to be in a gang relationship up in here we ain't thugging no no put i mean write
09:23those things down and that'll point out the way you need to move i mean and don't be don't don't just
09:29don't be overshadowed by the coochie coupon all right it can't be the only thing you know i'm saying
09:34so stressful if it's the highlight that could be the highlight but look at the whole list and then
09:38that'll give you your answer better than we can all right all right thanks man i appreciate you
09:43okay i got one that just came in out of the 863 i dated a guy for a year and a half he got a new job
09:51and met a new girl i was out of sight out of mind he is now engaged to her this new chick she is 10 years
09:59younger with no kids helping him take care of his children at the moment they are set to get married
10:04in a week but he literally just hit me up saying stuff like you hold a special place in my heart
10:10i don't think she thinks she can keep me happy forever like you could basically wanting to hook
10:16up again i still love this dude he knows it should i go ahead and hook up with him i'm skipping over
10:22what she actually wants to do with him in the bedroom yeah we don't need to know all that yeah yeah
10:26but also she doesn't deserve this so should i rat his ass out okay first of all you want to hook
10:33up with him because you like him but then she don't deserve this so now you want to tear up his
10:37life like that's you seem evil like i mean if i'm just gonna keep it a buck like i mean if you
10:43care so much about him that you want one last shot that's one thing now you want to try and try and
10:49tear up the relationship that's a whole nother side of the evil yeah even the sex a part of it um
10:55should she rat out the guy and tell his new like fiance no you shouldn't it's none of your business
11:02stay away from him and don't cheat with him and also don't rat him out because honestly that's not
11:10your business either none of this is your business it's not your relationship she still loves him
11:14and that love will go on like the celine dion song okay leave that over there you're an ex for a
11:22reason he's marrying somebody else he chose somebody else now the fact is there are guys who circle back
11:29because they panic in a in a marriage situation they think that that whole lockdown thing and they're
11:34like yo let me reach out one more time that's his problem but this is not yours to participate in
11:40do not become the person who is now trying to engage and then want to then tell from that
11:46engagement you basically are asking for it and the girl and the girl could probably get mad at you and
11:51the whole thing like you know you're gonna come in and snitch after you just slept with him like yeah
11:55okay that's not the move so i mean don't don't be that person all right out of the 813 uh it says
12:01newly divorced girl dad here so i have a question for therapy i have my daughter's even years on the
12:10co-parenting agreement and my three daughters will be with me for thanksgiving my ex has now asked me
12:16to bring the girls to the traditional family gathering still even though it's my time i was
12:22looking forward to and planning to our for our first thanksgiving together being just me and my daughters
12:28so i can try and give them some normalcy in our new situation do you think i need to stick with my guns
12:34and my ego or do i need to join the family for the big festive situation well it sounds like legally
12:42it's your day if it's your day it's your day and you can make that decision but as somebody that
12:46didn't grow up with any traditions it's kind of comforting um to be a child and and celebrate
12:52thanksgiving with you know your family members just because the two of you aren't together anymore
12:56doesn't mean that they don't want to see their family on thanksgiving there's lots of families
13:00there's a movie about it that go to four different thanksgivings on that said day um that's what it's
13:05got to be a hill it is i i go to two currently um and yeah it's a lot of work but also it's it's
13:12genuine love and i enjoy seeing everybody and as a kid i can see that they would like it too
13:16you got kids now it's not necessarily about you anymore you know it's and maybe ask for an extra day
13:22some other time but i feel like thanksgiving and christmas should really be about family
13:25i i i would just say this i fell into that when i got divorced and i'm glad the person wrote ego
13:32because it is an ego thing yeah i don't cook and we y'all know the show y'all heard me talk about the
13:38fact that i really don't cook uh so for me to have thanksgiving at my house with my daughters
13:44they weren't old enough like to really tell but they could tell yeah and i did it at my house for a
13:51year before i realized okay i gotta do better yeah like i ordered stuff from honey baked ham and
13:57and side items you had the food taken care of i had food it wasn't dope like it wasn't there wasn't a
14:03dessert table grandma making it you know i'm saying like i have all the pound i get it all that stuff
14:09but i felt like i did something but it was for me it wasn't for them and you know and so they ate but
14:15they they didn't eat much it was like so now it was a whole bunch of stuff that i threw away
14:18and i had my day but i didn't depend on anybody else and thought i was the big man i could do it
14:24and afterwards i realized that i took them away from cousins and took them away from desserts and
14:30the whole plan on the backyard and all that stuff that they would do with all of those family members
14:35and so that's why i started like all right let's do the holidays together like the thanksgiving big
14:42stuff and and let them still have that and then i could just you know rebuild the other stuff that i
14:47needed to rebuild but it is totally ego yeah that's that's that's where you don't want to be
14:52you know that guy if you want to start a tradition just with daddy and the girls i wouldn't pick um
14:57you know thanksgiving or christmas to do it on you know you can do your own little daddy daughter day
15:01if you want to make up that time other than that thanksgiving is about family i mean it's you know and
15:06that could be it's not about big family it's about family and that three daughter and daddy set up
15:11is a family yes like be clear there's people out there who don't have options to go somewhere else
15:16so that's a family setting but that's ego also where you like it's my day i wanted to do this it's
15:23like yeah but the girls want to be around big mama plus you get all the food all the desserts all of
15:28the good and you don't have to cook probably right like you got i got macaroni and cheese mashed
15:32potatoes and some turkey that sounds great let's go this is good daddy but this is a tv dinner i kind
15:37want the dessert table you know what i mean so that's just one thing that i'm i think that i'm
15:42leaning towards that yeah me too do the right thing i think that's great all right uh let's see here
15:46that's a wrap therapy thursday satisfying our customers you can leave that copay at the front
15:52door we also validate parking by the way