Therapy Thursday: A Woman Shares An Absolutely Heartbreaking Story With Us
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00:00hi good morning good morning now tell us your uh your your situation um so i i was texting with
00:09meredith um i have been with an individual for four years um we became friends in 2017 when we
00:15met and um within our friendship his marriage kind of fell apart and um you know as a friend
00:24i referred him to get counseling and and do anything you could to save his marriage because
00:28they had small children but it ultimately didn't work out um so our friendship continued to grow
00:34and we did end up getting together we've been together just under four years
00:40well um you know i've seen a bit of a change in him in the last four weeks and the last year has
00:47been really hard you know but um oh i try and anyway long story short is i found out on saturday
00:56that he's been seeing his ex-wife and um i'm really struggling with it and uh anyway he's
01:04going to be leaving um but i have two children as well um that are not his of 15 and 17 and my
01:12daughter is devastated and my son feels abandoned and i am absolutely broken and now since i found
01:18out on saturday about them he's not even hiding it anymore so he's still home um he doesn't spend a
01:26lot of time there but he is still home and um and now he just talks to her freely and talks about you
01:34know what their future is going to be and all of the same conversations we used to have you know
01:38um when you say he's going to be leaving he's going to be leaving to move in with her
01:42yes so what's the what's the what's the hold up i mean why is he why is he being so you know
01:50whimsical with it now and just open and everything else like why doesn't he just go why why sit around
01:56and and and prolong it because if it's putting your kids through all of this peril and you too i mean i
02:01think that would be the focus right well he when we bought our home in 2020 um we were going you know
02:08we were purchasing it together but financially there were some things that had come up that
02:14prevented him from being on the house but we still we worked our tails off to be able to come
02:20up with a down payment for this house like this was our dream so he won't leave unless he gets his half
02:24of the down payment back and i haven't had that liquid to give him so um you know i'm doing what i
02:30need to do to come up with the money and and recently my my brother did help me to come up with
02:35the money to give it to him so that's kind of where we are right now but he told me that he wasn't
02:38going to leave without the money um so he was just planning on either staying and not paying his
02:44half of the mortgage until he got his money's worth or um he just said you know he would take
02:50whatever he wanted or destroy half of everything oh okay so now there's threats in here this person
02:55sounds like a disgusting human being i i hope you can get him out of the house i mean it sounds like
03:00he can go into the other the ex-wife's house i don't understand why he's still in your house and he's
03:05making your life and the kids lives very bad at the moment um is there any i don't even know if
03:11there's any legal options for you here i mean now he's making threats there aren't no he lived he lived
03:17there so it's his home yeah and so i'm stuck you know and i just want out and i want to get better
03:23and i was just hoping that you guys might well you know you know what mindset you know let let's let's
03:28concentrate on you now because um what i will say is you can't control the evil that he hid from you
03:36and that he's showing now that's in him and he has to deal with that and honestly the lady who he left
03:42for you is gonna have to deal with that too so that's her problem let's eliminate him from second
03:48let's talk about you and the two kids that are reeling over this and what you probably should spend some
03:54time understanding and sharing with them is that who we knew isn't necessarily who you loved isn't
04:00necessarily who this is this person uh while it hurts um we have to concentrate on us you have them
04:09they have you you guys have to create that circle of we are going to support each other we love each
04:16other we're going to make it through we have to be you have to be the positive kind of beacon for them
04:22because they're looking at this like this is so much uncertainty this is all we really known
04:26your daughter is reeling over it so i think you need to concentrate on them and make it less about
04:32him the the more you don't let him be divisive in this whole thing and and divide and conquer is is
04:38is how you can get your strength back because you guys will will focus on the happiness do some
04:44things together leave the house take them to have some fun on just to get bring the laughter back
04:49and and and once he realizes that he's not that thorn in your side it'll help him expedite his exit
04:56but don't let him control your lives and your happiness that's the only way you can heal from
05:01this because he's shown as my grandmama would say he's showing his ass yeah big time and so you have to
05:07you know kind of deal with that because of the legality of it but making it making it less obvious
05:13that he's uh the center point will probably help him move on faster um we're getting texts and just
05:19want to throw this out before we get off the phone with you um a lot of people are saying this not
05:23just one or two a lot saying she needs to document and track record of verbal abuse and take him to
05:28small claims court and file restraining order and you can get him out of the house much faster
05:32well there you go that's even quicker yes so you might want to or see if you can legally evict him
05:37with a 30-day notice it's people are saying that there's a way to get him out of the house you have
05:41options you do so yeah do you have anybody who's in a legal kind of space that in your life like a
05:46lawyer or something that can maybe draw up some things or at least guide you not no not really i
05:52mean i'm sure there's legal aid i can i can get i just really wanted to not do this the ugly way
05:57and i'm really just worried you know my kids are hurting i'm hurting defend yourself i'm gonna take
06:02your advice and definitely get them out of the house yes it's been about begging him to stay and
06:07begging him to make it work and i guess that needs to stop yeah that just shows that you are loyal to
06:15almost like they say loyal to a fault and and you're being you're trying to re-engage something
06:21that isn't there and honestly i don't really know how you can trust somebody who you watched him do it
06:26to someone else that's the old adage but now you're seeing him do it again and he's showing you
06:30the underbelly of a really nasty situation so i think you're better off without it it might be
06:36uncomfortable now but you'll have a joy with you and your kids immensely after it's over and you're
06:41relieved that this is all gone so i'm i are everybody who is writing in is trying to help
06:46you because they hear the pain that you're going through but we just want to make sure that you look
06:50at all the options what i gave you was very standard what they're giving you is very specifics like
06:55document at all uh make sure that anything he's saying to you just make sure you have that and
07:01share it with somebody whether it's legal aid or whomever and then that restraining order might be
07:05able to expedite it okay there's ways to get him out if he's threatening and threatening to destroy
07:09property and you have children there you can get an order of protection he will have to automatically
07:13leave within 24 hours so definitely talk to somebody that's in you know the lawyer legally and see what
07:19your options are okay see this is why you guys are the best i'm sorry you're going through this
07:26trust me it's going to get a lot better okay thank you take care thank you so tough you hear it in her
07:32voice i know she's going through it right now i'm sorry um we got to tell somebody else that's going
07:36through it it's this is heavy it says i lost custody of my son a long time ago i was going through a
07:41dark time and now looking back i think this was the best thing for all of us i have now been clean for
07:47the last three years i have a steady job and i'm even part of my church but as terrible as this
07:52sounds i think he's better off without me i could be back in his life and i've been doing he but he's
07:58been doing so well without his mom i don't know if this is actually true or if this is just the guilt
08:03that i'm feeling from all that has happened his father is willing but very very cautious to have me
08:09back around i would be too but you know what if you you can prove yourself you can you know show up
08:15and actually be a part of that kid's life when it comes to birthdays and christmases and and all
08:21that you know that is something you build the respect the relationship you can build that back
08:26over time they are allowed to be apprehensive especially you both went through a lot but um
08:31you can build up that relationship again you got to work at it make it one of your number one
08:35priorities because you want a relationship with your kid that's the most important thing and i wouldn't
08:39want to uproot a kid's life like that especially if things are going really well for them um just
08:45all i'll say is just be proud be proud that you made it three years because they say take every day
08:50like one day at a time um and you've made it three years that's something to be celebrated but um don't
08:56rush because everybody's worried about people relapsing because those are real things and so you don't
09:02want to get into the child's life and then make it rough on them so you don't want them moving
09:08backwards so if any advice we can give be patient if three years of sobriety is a big deal for you
09:13imagine what six will be um take every day and uh and and work your way back into it but just make
09:21sure you take your time don't don't think that you've achieved it and now it's time to run back
09:25in so everybody being pensive is just really concentrating on the child which is the most
09:30important thing and i could see how there is quite a bit of guilt built up in you but don't also
09:35remember that you're also part of a success story right if you can remain clean and and and keep
09:41it together this is something that your kid down the line once they get a little older can look at
09:47like mom had a hard time but she fought not just for herself but for me for the whole family so
09:52your your book is still being written don't forget that yourself your book is still being written
09:57hey you came up with that on your own yeah it just came to me right now top of the dome
10:00freestyle i'm proud of us so far who is this i think we should end it while we cut off right
10:06now before we say something stupid we're gonna play two songs and go yeah we're about to get
10:11about it all right we got part two next hold on all right therapy thursday we got i'm nervous now
10:17man i'm for real we're on the road the pressure is on yeah time to get dumb let's see we got amber
10:21on the phone hey amber how you doing this morning
10:24oh man this might be a good thing we need to put a ticket in on this phone oh man all right there
10:32we go all right there we go there's amber how you doing i'm good how are you we are great let's see
10:37uh what's your question well so i'm i'm going through a child support battle the father of my two
10:46children have not seen his children since january 2018 i'm sorry january 18 to 2022
10:54okay all right so so but just about a year yes it's the day after our oldest's birthday he showed
11:02up for five seconds gave her box of cereal clothes that fit a 12 year old she's three
11:08and just all kinds of hand-me-down stuff anyway so she left he left he hasn't been there since
11:13wow we went to court in june to get child support for the second child he refused to give the new
11:20um information for the new job in june so since june he has not paid his child support he has not seen
11:26his children since january i lost my mother buried her and dealt with hurricane ian i am struggling
11:35like there's no tomorrow he put a new shiny ring on his new girlfriend bought her gucci
11:42purse with matching slides and a brand new 2020 car while i'm driving with no ac with his children
11:50wow he doesn't ask about them he doesn't call about them nothing but he will tell you in a heartbeat
11:58that i'm keeping them from him and i am racist okay so okay yeah it's a dirt bag obviously i can't
12:08believe that there are people out there like this um i i mean have you worried are you able to get
12:13child support were you able to do that so it's for one of the child were you able to do it for the
12:16second one well they approved the first one and then in june is when we finally got the second one
12:21like i fought real hard i had to do their job at for child support i had to hunt down his new job i had
12:28to be an fbi agent and all of that just to take care of my children okay but there but he's not
12:35paying right no not so ever since the old company sold the new company he refuses to report the new
12:42company well um so i mean this is just i mean that's just a court order i mean and and you know
12:48what you have to what you have to do is is is stop i i get that you're in the investigative mode but
12:54you're looking so far into everything else like he bought the slides and he did this and that like
13:00forget that this dude is terrible what you just need to do is make sure that the courts um wishes
13:05are respected now so you have to now in essence he's gonna have to pay that and he's gonna have
13:11to get to get out of trouble and so that means you're gonna have to report it and he can go to jail
13:16uh and then if he pays it he gets out and and everything is is clear um he doesn't have to see the
13:23kids if he doesn't if he doesn't want to see them his loss but he has to take care of his children
13:28that's not a choice so you you you can you have recourse there as far as a court document that said
13:35that he owes a certain amount of money back pay interest and all those things go along with it i've
13:41watched family members get arrested and chased out of town for child support so it's very serious
13:47here's the thing though they haven't done anything he just got his license and they haven't um well
13:54haven't been to them because of hurricane e and the state put everything on hold right they and i mean
14:00in that they did it with pandemic as well so i mean there are things that can hiccup the system but
14:05you still have to the same the same tenacity that you went after investigating when you said i had to go
14:10fbi agent on him is the same tenacity tenacity you have to chase him to be held accountable and you
14:17know it's sad that you have to do that but in this you have the squeaky wheel gets the grease whatever
14:22make sure you make enough noise with the court system to do their job and then they'll step up
14:28and do it but don't focus your energy on the stuff that you can't control let's go after the stuff that
14:34you can't and i guess i guess my my point being in saying that it's just i'm struggling to take care of
14:40his children that he practically talked me into having oh no trust me he's terrible and and and we
14:45get that part and and that's not shocking you've learned if some if some man has a child and ain't
14:50seen him in a year and he's here we don't even need to discuss that part right you know we need to
14:56discuss you're you're focusing on his part let's focus on your part and how you can get him get them
15:02to make him do what you need to get done take it day by day you're doing a good job but stay with
15:07the courts if they're if they're holding it uh after the the storm and after this stuff and
15:13they've slowed it down make sure you first in line for when they do pick it back up so they can make
15:17sure they're like listen this lady's been working at it she's been she's gonna come here again
15:22tomorrow let's make sure we get out here now that we've cleared out our schedule you know i'm saying
15:26stay on them judging by the amount of text that we're getting of people in a very very similar
15:32situation a you're not alone and it sounds like these courts are backlogged so you are going to
15:37have to put in a lot of effort like you were just saying about put your fbi energy into getting your
15:44just due yeah probably best friends with the caseworker at the child support office i call her
15:49and ask her by name good for you keep up with it and keep that relationship good if you do have an
15:54extra dollar to send her a cup of coffee or something because you want to keep that as a friend
16:00because now you have an ally that's getting you closer to getting the justice that you deserve
16:04i wanted to send her i wanted to door dash her lunch and she said no worries i i will get um she'll
16:12she'll like the fact that i that i'll get the help that i'm getting that's all right when you stop by
16:16to sign something bring her some donuts and some coffee yeah just do what you got to do okay just
16:19keep her as a friend keep up with it with the dude that you've described you're gonna need her as a
16:23friend okay definitely definitely thank you for my story and and hopefully that you know anyone else
16:31out there don't give up keep pushing there you go i'm sorry you're going through that i hear you
16:35i appreciate it that oh yeah there are some crappy people out there what is going on surprise that's
16:41what i'm saying it's cuffing season the people out here acting up you're not supposed to be doing
16:45that yeah all right let's see we got one more here uh it says uh out of the text out of the
16:49863 have you ever been alone so long that you wait it's so long that you don't know how to really
16:57get back out there ah my husband died in active duty five years ago and the dating world is so
17:05different to me now i'm afraid to even try i'd love any advice for the awkward you don't have to jump
17:12in just dip your toe a little bit see how the water feels it's okay dip the toe in you could you know
17:18pay for i don't know some kind of online service if that freaks you out you know you can go out with
17:23one of your girlfriends to a bar or to uh you know some sort of nice restaurant just slowly ease
17:29yourself in nobody expects you just to find the love of your life overnight of course that sounds
17:34great and we see movies about that all the time but that's not necessarily start with a social
17:38setting it doesn't have to be centered around dating just start with going out period that will seem
17:44like a tall task in itself but go with with a couple friends maybe a little drinks maybe a little
17:49happy hour something to eat get used to being out because it sounds like being out probably isn't
17:54something that you do a lot and then you'll gradually kind of get into it get into the dating vibe and get
18:00into the other stuff but it just starts by leaving your house and going and doing something don't be
18:05afraid of awkward either because there's some awkward dudes out there that ain't got nobody to talk to
18:09and you can mess around have an awkward couple you can find you an awkward bond it could be there's
18:14nothing wrong with being awkward so hey do what you got to do and get out there and meet some folks
18:19and you never know if the sales people come up with that happy hour for us you can come to our happy
18:23i'm still fighting for it i'm still fighting for it because a lot of people that hit us up in the
18:28morning like damn it i want to have me a drink before i get home and deal with these little kids
18:32so we're gonna find y'all a place to have that all right so uh the ma'am we'll we own the hunt
18:38meet the freaks meet the freaks let's do it y'all can meet each other we'll meet you
18:44and we awkward as hell so you can definitely come out here with us