MJTV: Where are Fester and Roxanne?
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00:00And then, Roxanne, any idea?
00:03I don't know.
00:05This is the...
00:07I've got no Roxanne right here right now.
00:12I think Roxanne's going to be out tomorrow and Friday.
00:15There's no indication that they're even close to being here either.
00:19It's literally dead on their side of the room.
00:21I mean, it's blank spaces.
00:23Hey, Coop, can you show the cameras over?
00:26Do we have cricket sound effects, maybe?
00:28Normally, Fester would be like,
00:30oh, hey, can you just put my headphones in the studio if he's running late?
00:33And he hasn't even texted me that.
00:34Nothing, huh?
00:34Nothing.
00:35All right, so you control the cameras, right?
00:37Yes.
00:38All right, show Fester's position and, whoop, nothing.
00:42And trust me, you can't miss Fester.
00:44He fills up the frame.
00:46Really does.
00:47You know what?
00:48Because of the cold weather,
00:49he might be congregating at the power plant with his friends.
00:52Oh, it is cold.
00:53Maybe all of his little, the manna family got together.
00:57Hey, Fester, what's up?
01:00Fester's with the manatees at the power plant at the observation area.
01:05And then, Roxanne, any idea?
01:10I don't know.
01:12This is them.
01:13What, do I have a whole variety of crickets?
01:16Yeah, you do, actually.
01:18So I get to pick a cricket?
01:20Is that it?
01:21Yeah, you get to pick a cricket.
01:22I'm going to pick cricket cellular.
01:25I'm going to cancel my Verizon.
01:27I'm going to get cricket cellular.
01:29All right.
01:30Oh, here's Fester.
01:31Fester's walking on in.
01:33There he is.
01:33That's great.
01:35Wearing his mask all half-assed in here.
01:37Look at that.
01:37Unlike Froggy, who's not wearing it at all.
01:39So don't jump on my case.
01:40So where have you been?
01:42I'm glad you asked.
01:44Ah, there's the other one.
01:45I'm glad.
01:46Oh, and here comes Roxanne.
01:48Roxanne just...
01:49Did you guys have a little powwow?
01:50So hang on, let me turn Roxanne's mic on.
01:54I am built for speed today because I'm going to be running through airports, so I was running
01:59into work today.
02:00Wow, you're like O.J. Simpson.
02:02Yeah.
02:02Yeah, you can be like O.J. Simpson in that old rental car commercial.
02:06Yeah.
02:06Yeah, then you can, like, slice the necks off a couple of neighbors.
02:10I mean, if you want to do that.
02:11That's what you can do.
02:12All right, so, Fester, you said, I'm glad you asked, I guess, in reference to my question
02:18about why the hell you're running late.
02:19By the way, we tossed in a manatee joke.
02:22That gives...
02:22When Fester says, I'm glad you asked, I've noticed that that gives him the time to think
02:27of an answer.
02:28It's almost like Hulk Hogan when he used to go, well, you know what, brother?
02:32And then that gives him the time to think because he's not quite quick enough.
02:35You know what?
02:36That's sort of a thing that people do.
02:37If you notice when people say, can I be honest with you?
02:42Or can I tell you the truth?
02:43There are all kinds of stall phrases instead of just getting right into it, you know?
02:49Well, here's the thing, dude.
02:51Let me tell you.
02:52Give me a whole string.
02:54Give me a bunch of them back to back.
02:55Well, let me tell you there, Mean Gene.
02:57It's a good question.
02:58I'm glad you asked.
03:00So, well, there's a lot of things going through my mind right now.
03:05Let me tell you what it is.
03:06Let me tell you what I'm thinking.
03:07I've been thinking about this for a while.
03:09It's been laying on my mind, Mean Gene, for a long time.
03:13Are you going to mock me like a wrestler?
03:15Is that what you're trying to say?
03:16I'll tell you what, Mean Gene.
03:17Let me get down to the basic facts here, and I'll get to them in just a minute.
03:20But let me tell you.
03:21Not one question has been answered yet.
03:23It's all just filler and stall phrases.
03:26Posturing.
03:27Which faster is very good at being an RV salesman and all that.
03:29Listen, that's a great question.
03:31All right.
03:33Glad you brought that up.
03:35Glad you asked.
03:35All right.
03:36So.
03:36Yeah.
03:37You're doing it again.
03:38All right.
03:39So.
03:40Now Roxanne's postponing me.
03:42So on the bridge this morning, driving over, there were two police officers.
03:47So I was, listen, I had it down to the minute to get to work.
03:50I was like, okay, I'm going to get there.
03:52That's your problem.
03:52That's good.
03:53I've asked you not to walk into the studio when the show open music is wrapping up,
03:58and it's da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
04:01I've asked you not to walk in on the last note.
04:05I've asked you to be here and just be situated.
04:07Correct.
04:07Yes.
04:08So my plan to get here would have gotten me here at least 30 or 45 seconds before the
04:13music ever even started.
04:15However, a couple of unfortunate or possibly fortunate events happened this morning in
04:21my preparation to leave the house for the show, which moved my time delay.
04:25Like, for example.
04:26I don't have a lot of time here.
04:28This is just the opening segment.
04:29So what is it?
04:29It was a long answer, and you asked the question, which I'm glad you asked.
04:32How long he's taking to get to the answer?
04:33Tell me the answer.
04:34Okay.
04:35So at 5.04 in the morning, question.
04:38Do you get dressed and run out the house, or do you shower, get dressed, and run out
04:43the house?
04:44So I was like, you know what?
04:47Let's shower today.
04:48Oh, you're smelling ripe?
04:49Gave myself a nice shower.
04:50And I'm like, holy guacamole.
04:52It's 5.24.
04:54Why were you running late in the first place?
04:55Why do you just plan on getting up and getting to work on time?
04:58Right.
04:59So I boogie out of the house right at 5.30.
05:01Would have gotten here right at 5.54.
05:03Would have been an employee of the month.
05:05MJ, this is a big moment.
05:06And then I'm on the bridge, where that's usually, you know what the bridge is.
05:10The bridge is like, you know, the rocket lane.
05:12I would have made up all lost time.
05:14In the 5 o'clock hour, the bridge moves.
05:16Right.
05:16The bridge, average speed is 80 miles an hour on the bridge in the 5 o'clock hour.
05:20No doubt.
05:20Except.
05:21You can bump draft during this time in the morning.
05:23Yeah, right.
05:23Yeah, you're absolutely right.
05:24And there's the Pinellas County SUV behind me the entire way on the bridge.
05:31Yeah, you know what?
05:31I saw him.
05:32There's a Pinellas County, a big suburban.
05:35Yeah.
05:36Pinellas County Sheriff's Suburban.
05:38I've seen him on the bridge.
05:39He was flying this morning.
05:40He must live in Hillsboro and drives to Pinellas.
05:44But he's not going to pull anybody over on the Hillsboro.
05:48He might pull you over on the Pinellas side.
05:49But listen, he wants to get through.
05:51I've seen.
05:51Just race on the Hillsboro side when you get to Pinellas.
05:54I've seen cars fly by him.
05:56He's never pulled anybody over.
05:58But the little anxiety of having him behind you slowed me down several miles an hour.
06:02Unless.
06:03Two minutes late.
06:04Fester with anxiety.
06:06You don't want to get it busted for too much liquid in your blinker.
06:09Speaking of anxiety.
06:10Speaking of anxiety.
06:10Speaking of anxiety.