Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 3 Life After Birth
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00:00I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm gonna be mad
00:04Me and me, it's time to make
00:09When the night comes, I hear you die
00:15And I hear you clapping, and I can hear you
00:19I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
00:23I know, I know, I know, I know
00:27Heldon? Heldon, I'm leaving. I'm all set to go.
00:44Baby, you mind? Now, I'm in there with the baby trying to put his anxieties to rest,
00:49and you're out here yelling about leaving.
00:50Heldon, I know that a parent's first date back at the office can be traumatic for a child,
00:55but come on, he's only six weeks old. At this stage of the game, all I am to him is a blonde buffet.
01:02Take it from me, he's not even going to know I'm gone.
01:05Temporarily gone, only to return at the end of the day with lots and lots of presents.
01:12You know, a selection of tub toys would be nice.
01:15Heldon, don't make this worse than it is. Look at me. I'm cool, I'm collected.
01:20And why? Because I have planned this entire day, and so far, everything is running perfectly.
01:27All you need is a little flexibility, a sense of humor, and a good supply of clean blouses.
01:33Flexibility. A word that has not yet found its way onto the Brown family coat of arms.
01:39Eight o'clock. Take shower, brush teeth. I did that.
01:42I didn't get to floss, but there's that long light at M Street.
01:44Nine-thirty, greet new nanny. Ten o'clock, arrive at office.
01:49There'll probably be a welcome back celebration of some kind. Cake, balloons.
01:53And then, at ten-fifteen, begin work.
01:56Hope that new nanny isn't going to be late.
01:59You like her, don't you, Heldon?
02:01Oh, yeah. Although she is British, you know, the baby will be around her a lot.
02:04God, what if he picks up that accent?
02:06No one wants their kid's first words to be, pip, pip.
02:09Would that be very weird?
02:11Right on time. I think she's going to work out just fine.
02:19Good morning, Miss Brown.
02:21Hello, come in.
02:22I'm so sorry. I usually try to arrive a little early, but I had to stop and pick up some lunch.
02:29Heldon, look at this. Punctual and she brings her own lunch.
02:34The two qualities I like most in a person.
02:37Margaret, you remember Heldon.
02:39Oh, yes.
02:41The painter.
02:44Hello?
02:46Cheerios.
02:47Welcome.
02:49We're all sick.
02:51Adlai's in the den. He's fed.
02:53Adlai? Who's Adlai?
02:56Is there another painter?
02:58No, no. Adlai's the baby.
02:59Adlai Stevenson Brown.
03:01I thought his name was Lech Willessa Brown.
03:04No, that was last week. We decided he didn't look like a Lech.
03:07No, you decided.
03:08For me, it's still a toss-up between Lech and Donnie.
03:11Well, I'm just going to say goodbye to you.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:13Tell me, Mr. Bernicke, does Miss Brown pay every week or every other week?
03:29Welcome to my world.
03:33Oh, that went pretty well.
03:35I missed the little guy.
03:37Not that there's a lot to miss at this point.
03:39He doesn't really have a personality yet.
03:42His brain isn't fully developed.
03:44Add a set of golf clubs, he could be the vice president.
03:46Well, don't want to be late my first day back.
03:54Everything will be fine.
03:57Thanks.
03:59Well, goodbye.
04:01It's always hard the first day.
04:16Well, I suppose I'd better be looking in on the master.
04:19Uh, Margaret?
04:22Sorry.
04:23One thing.
04:24I don't know if you're going to be doing any ironing today, but if you do, be sure to unplug it before you leave the room.
04:31I don't know a lot about irons, but, um, I've heard they can start fires.
04:35I won't be doing any ironing, man.
04:38Okay.
04:39Goodbye.
04:45Margaret.
04:46Hi.
04:46Um, I don't know if you know, but if you see a warning from the emergency broadcast system on television, don't worry.
04:55It's just a warning.
04:57In the event of a real emergency, you'll be instructed where to tune in your area for news and information.
05:02How comforting.
05:06So few new mothers think to remind their nannies of the threat of thermonuclear war.
05:16Good.
05:17Eldon, everything okay?
05:19On this side of the door, yes.
05:23Excellent.
05:24Well, I'm off.
05:28I'll just be leaving now.
05:31Goodbye.
05:32Yes, I'm back.
05:49So let's just bring out the cake and get it over with.
05:52Guys, hello.
06:06I've been gone for six weeks for crying out loud.
06:09Oh, Murphy, we're glad to see you, too.
06:13Oh, look, he's crying.
06:14Yeah, you'll want to save me a piece of that cake.
06:24So much for traveling light.
06:26Is this everything, or is Gunga Din bringing up more from the lobby?
06:29It's a baby thing, Frank.
06:30You have to bring everything, because you never know what he'll want.
06:33Murphy, what's this?
06:34Testing, one, two, three.
06:36It's a breast pump, Miles.
06:38Miss Brown, if I may, I feel I should caution against overstimulating the baby.
06:52Um, okay, guys, it's time to focus on work.
06:57Margaret, maybe you better take him into my office.
07:00Very good, ma'am.
07:03Over-stimulating the baby.
07:05I've never been accused of overstimulating anyone in my life.
07:12Miles, I hadn't planned on bringing in the baby, but the nanny seemed a little anxious about being left alone with him on the first day.
07:19I figured this was the best way of handling the situation.
07:22I understand completely.
07:23In fact, if you want to go home and try this again tomorrow, that's fine.
07:27I just had a light day plan.
07:28Maybe pitch out a few story areas and quit early.
07:31Miles, are you taking it easy because of me?
07:33Don't lie to me, Miles.
07:34I'm a mother now.
07:35I can tell when people are lying.
07:37I can also do that thing where you use spit to clean off a person's face.
07:41Murphy, I swear, an informal idea session, and that's it.
07:45We were just about to start.
07:46Well, that's perfect, because I've got a story all ready to pitch.
07:48Just let me get my kid settled, and I'll be right back.
07:52My kid.
07:53Oh, it's going to sound so weird.
07:55Five minutes, Miles.
07:57Oh, and I'll be meeting a new secretary.
08:00I'll be a personnel call.
08:02Murphy, welcome back.
08:03Thanks, Miles.
08:04Okay, that's it.
08:05Let me know when you're ready to break camp and come home.
08:08And one other thing.
08:11You see that?
08:13You see that guy in the corner?
08:14I don't know.
08:16I don't know.
08:16But when we first came in, everyone had a, oh, how cute look on their face.
08:22Now, this guy had more of a, I wonder if that baby will fit my book bag look.
08:28Hey, hey, hey.
08:29You were wrong about the cake.
08:31We're here a lot early in West.
08:48We're here a lot early in West.
08:51And I'll end by cross-cutting between footage from the rioting and the rebuilding effort.
08:56Good story, Franco.
08:57Good story.
08:58I'm just going to add that to the list of things to tell Murphy when she comes out.
09:02But she will, eventually.
09:05Just to recap, we've got Frank's story.
09:09We've got Corky's next two stories.
09:12Jim's commentaries are covered between now and the election.
09:16So, what else?
09:18Judas Iscariot, man.
09:19There isn't anything else.
09:20We've been sitting here for three hours and I'm starving.
09:23Sorry.
09:24I can't stand having a late lunch.
09:27My dinner will have to be pushed back.
09:28Would you pack some tomorrow's breakfast?
09:32Would you pack some tomorrow's lunch?
09:34Before I know it, I'll be having Sunday brunch next Thursday afternoon.
09:39Come on, Jimbo.
09:40Hang in there.
09:41Murphy said she'll be out to the picture story in five minutes.
09:43Oh, man.
09:44She's been saying that all day.
09:46You know, I really admire Murphy for trying to balance her career and a baby at the same time.
09:54And now that I've said that, I want you to go in there and drag her maternal butt out here.
10:01All right.
10:02Like, I'm going to do that.
10:03She's probably got that pump thing going.
10:07Here's an image I want burned into my retinas.
10:14Guys, really sorry.
10:17Oh, Murphy.
10:18I had to change him twice.
10:21But my real problem with that nanny, she just doesn't seem up to the job.
10:25Fortunately, I'm handling it.
10:28Sure you are, Murphy.
10:29And just remember, this is all valuable experience that will make life that much easier if you ever have any more babies.
10:38I think you will.
10:39Only if I can use your uterus.
10:44Everyone is ready.
10:45Murphy Brown is ready to pitch.
10:47And here it is.
10:48Political, dirty, tricks groups.
10:51We know they're out there.
10:53We know the damage they can do.
10:55But are we really...
10:55Excuse me, Miss Brown.
10:57I'm having a bit of trouble.
11:00Yes, Herbert?
11:02Was I to file the mail alphabetically or by date received?
11:07I'm afraid I don't quite follow.
11:09One more time.
11:10The mail gets opened and filed by date received.
11:15You write down the phone messages in order of return priority.
11:19It isn't that difficult, Margaret.
11:21I mean, it's not what I was hired to do, is it, now?
11:25I believe I'm supposed to be looking after the baby, if I'm not mistaken.
11:29Margaret, for the past three hours, I have been in my office looking after the baby.
11:33In effect, doing your job.
11:35The way I see it, you owe me three hours' work.
11:37All right, then.
11:43What did I tell you?
11:46Okay.
11:47Are we going to hear my pitch or not?
11:49Here we go.
11:50Political, dirty, tricks groups.
11:53We know they're out there.
11:54We know the damage they can do.
11:55Just run.
11:57Our play is comfortable.
11:58Your mail is on your desk.
12:00I quit.
12:01What?
12:02You can't quit.
12:03I'm right in the middle of work.
12:04Oh, no, you don't.
12:06I'm not going down this road again.
12:08First is your mail and your phone messages.
12:10Next thing I know, I'm mucking out the stables and grooming your polo boners.
12:15Not bloody likely, Miss Brown.
12:17Not bloody likely.
12:19Ah, very professional.
12:23What agency are you with again?
12:25Nannies?
12:26More?
12:27What's the more stand for?
12:28That's what I want to know.
12:29Not typing.
12:31Not filing.
12:32You're a quitter, Margaret.
12:34I bet Mary Poppins never quit.
12:35You'll be glad I'm not Mary Poppins.
12:41I know what I'd do with that umbrella right now.
12:47The British notorious quitters.
12:51Our team for little colonies, they couldn't handle it.
12:53Well, this is not a problem.
12:56The truth is, she was holding me back.
12:58I'll just check on the baby, and then I'll be right back.
13:00Oh, actually, Murph, we were thinking about breaking for lunch.
13:06Oh, that's a good idea.
13:07A working lunch, just like the old days.
13:09I can pitch my story down at Phil's.
13:11Sounds good.
13:11Let's go.
13:12I'll get the elevator.
13:13Wait a minute.
13:15Murphy, we can't go to Phil's.
13:18There's nobody here to look after the baby.
13:21Murphy, this isn't a problem.
13:22Well, I'll just take the baby with us.
13:24I'll just go get him.
13:25I'll be back in five minutes.
13:27Beautiful.
13:30Oh, here we are.
13:36Wasn't too bad.
13:37Only took us 25 minutes.
13:3937 minutes, actually.
13:40Pliny news.
13:40Pliny news.
13:42You couldn't wait.
13:43You didn't see me drop the stuffed turtle in the street?
13:46It's not a turtle, Miles.
13:47It's Mr. Froggy.
13:48Well, now it's Mr. Roadkill.
13:52Hey there, Murphy.
13:53You're back.
13:54Hiya, Phil.
13:55Oh, you picked a bad day to bring the little one in.
14:00Pat Buchanan's here.
14:02He's circulating a petition to change the name of our species to Enterosapiens.
14:07I don't need any special attention.
14:14Nothing's changed.
14:16I'll get some menus.
14:18Hey, Pat.
14:20Get it out.
14:21Now the guy's erasing fruit plate from the specials board.
14:26You're out of control, mister.
14:27Oh, my God.
14:30It's great to be back.
14:31Okay, let's get into it.
14:33Political dirty tricks groups.
14:35We know they're out there.
14:36We know the damage they can do.
14:38Murphy, perhaps you should order first so we don't interrupt the flow of your pitch.
14:41Phil, Phil, I'll have a mixed green sun.
14:44Just hold that thought, Jim.
14:47Murphy's first day back.
14:49Better start things off.
14:50Women and children first.
14:51By all means, let's model our lunch after the Titanic.
14:55I'll have the usual.
14:57A Phil Burger.
14:58Wait a minute.
14:59There's somebody smoking.
15:00That's not good for the baby.
15:03Oh, Phil, I'm afraid she's right.
15:04I hate to be a bother, but maybe just this one.
15:07No problem, Murphy.
15:09Hey there.
15:11I'm sure you weren't aware of it, but if you look over here, you'll see that you're smoking in front of a baby.
15:18Yeah, well, these are my cigarettes.
15:20Let him buy his own.
15:23Yeah, that's funny.
15:24Here's five bucks.
15:30Put it out.
15:33Thanks, Phil.
15:34Okay, we're all set now.
15:35I'm going to have a...
15:36Geez, do you believe that guy?
15:38Hack all over my baby.
15:39Why don't you?
15:42I'll be right back.
15:45Look, here's five bucks.
15:48The next time you get the urge to cough, do me a favor and step outside, will you?
15:52Thanks, Phil.
15:59I'll have a Phil burger and fries, same as always.
16:02Next, mixed green salad, oil and vinegar.
16:08Jack cheese.
16:10Oh, he's fine.
16:11His phone lasts long.
16:13He'll cry himself out in a few seconds.
16:16Okay.
16:16Okay, you can stop now.
16:18Why is he crying, Murphy?
16:19Is he hungry?
16:20I don't know.
16:21Does he need to be changed?
16:23I don't know.
16:23Is he tired?
16:24I don't know.
16:27Oh, Mandy.
16:29Oh, you came and you gave us a happy day.
16:34What are you doing?
16:35Are you singing to Barry Madden also?
16:38No, I'm not.
16:39Yes, you are.
16:41You are singing Mandy.
16:42Sometimes it calms him down, okay?
16:45Dougie?
16:46Can we put this plug in his mouth?
16:47Um, I'll tell you what, guys.
16:50Maybe we better go to plan B.
16:52I'll take him back to the office, and you guys stay here and have lunch.
16:56Excellent idea.
16:57A burger, salad, steak, fries.
16:59Okay, okay.
17:01I'll need this and this.
17:04Come on, I need this.
17:06Oh, jeez.
17:07I'm gonna handle all this stuff.
17:10Oh, jeez.
17:13You guys are the best, really.
17:17Miles, that's a $60 monkey.
17:20Drop it, and it'll be you sitting in his crib holding a banana.
17:22I'm out.
17:25I'm out.
17:29Shh.
17:34I knew it.
17:36I ate too fast.
17:38I always try to get back on track after late lunch by wolfing down my food, but it never works.
17:44Speaking of which, I called Doris.
17:47If anyone's in the neighborhood, we'll be having leg of lime with mint jelly at 2.30 tomorrow morning.
17:51Jen, let it go.
17:57Okay, people, let's focus.
17:58Corky, you were in the middle of something.
18:00Yes, thank you, Miles.
18:02So then, when I moved on to the Miss Northeast Louisiana semifinals, people said I didn't stand a chance.
18:09The judges were all from Monroe.
18:12Talk about your bias.
18:13Yes, I think the turning point was when the girl from Monroe kicked herself in the mouth with her tat shoe.
18:23What is wrong with you?
18:25Do you want her to kill us all?
18:26Turn off your ringer.
18:28Jeez.
18:29He's finally asleep.
18:34I turned on C-SPAN and he dropped right off.
18:39I'll just keep an ear on things with this monitor.
18:43Okay.
18:44Political dirty tricks groups.
18:46We know they're out there.
18:49We know they're in the chair.
18:51Well, I'm glad you've been listening.
18:54Anyway, I thought I'd take a look at these groups and...
18:57Do you hear anything?
18:59I don't hear anything.
19:01He's just sleeping quietly.
19:04Very quietly.
19:06Much more quietly than usual.
19:09Anyway, let me just run in and check to make sure he's breathing.
19:13Five minutes, Miles.
19:14Five minutes.
19:16Who is she kidding?
19:18By the time five of her minutes go by, I'll be trying out my new hip and complaining about my son with the Schicksal wife.
19:32Murphy, we need to talk.
19:34It's okay.
19:35He's asleep.
19:36Not so fast, Murphy.
19:38We all appreciate what you're trying to do.
19:41But maybe you should go home, get your life in order, and come back and...
19:45Forget it, Miles.
19:47This is something I have to do.
19:49Look, nothing has to change.
19:50I can be a great reporter and a great mom.
19:53I have everything under control.
19:54Oh, really?
19:55In almost six hours, you haven't gotten past the first two lines of your story pitch.
20:00Everyone in the office is tiptoeing around like the bomb squad.
20:02And my head feels like someone took my optic nerve and tied it into a sheep shank.
20:07I am going to pitch my story, even if it takes all day.
20:12And you are staying, too.
20:13Even if I have to chain your little legs to the water cooler and stand on your skinny little chest.
20:18Oh, my story.
20:20Motherfencer.
20:21You think you're in control of this situation?
20:22You are so far out of your mind.
20:24It's not even funny.
20:25You think we're in control of this situation?
20:26You're in control of this situation?
20:27Is it anything that you...
20:28Knock, knock!
20:34I'm Miss Brown, Sandy Galloway, your new secretary.
20:38Well, hey, hey to you, too, cutie.
20:41Look at that baby.
20:43Isn't he sweet?
20:45Oh, dear.
20:48Miss Galloway, why don't you step outside with me,
20:50and then we'll have you step onto the elevator and out of the building.
20:52Trust me, you're wonderful.
20:53Oh, it's an employee orientation thing?
20:56Does anybody want Tom?
21:01Let me guess.
21:02Five minutes, right?
21:03Topped.
21:11Then I cut from the Watergate footage into the interviews with the new dirty tricks guys.
21:18You know, the new generation has picked up from the old masters.
21:21Well, hold on a second, I've got to switch sides.
21:27Well, this is a weird way to work.
21:30Murphy talking, we hear her, she doesn't hear us.
21:33So really, nothing's changed.
21:36Okay, anyway, we go out on footage of people voting.
21:45What goes on behind a closed curtain as influenced by what goes on behind closed doors.
21:50So, that's it.
21:52I'm just about done here, and then I'll be right out to take my bows.
21:56Right out.
21:57That could be anywhere from three days to infinity.
22:00I'm leaving while I can.
22:02Who's with me?
22:03I'm going to go home, bow down in front of Doris, and give thanks for a defunct reproductive system.
22:08It's always the woman.
22:13The woman has to have the baby.
22:15The woman has to balance her career and her child.
22:19If men had babies, maternity leave would be in the Bill of Rights.
22:23You know, you do have a point there, Corky.
22:29But, we don't have babies.
22:32And with what we don't, we are men and we're free.
22:35We are men, we are men, we are men, we are men.
22:38We have hair on our backs.
22:40We are men, men, men, men.
22:40We are men, we are men, we are men, men, men, men.
22:44Oh, thank you.
22:52Oh, thank you.
22:55Well, it's a small group, but I'm sure it's an appreciative one.
23:00Great story.
23:01Vintage Murphy Brown.
23:03Yep.
23:03Not only was I able to pitch my story another career winner, but my son is healthy, fed,
23:09and he even helped me by doubling as a paperweight.
23:13Well, the risk of inflating your ego further, I admit you pulled it off.
23:19Good.
23:19And now that I've proved it, if I ever try it again, I want you to cram me in the stroller
23:25and shove me in front of a bus.
23:27Why don't you do us all a favor?
23:29Take tomorrow morning off and find a new nanny.
23:31It's a promise, Miles.
23:32You know, I've got to tell you, it was a little scary coming in here today.
23:37I guess I felt I had a lot to prove to myself.
23:40I felt right being back here again.
23:44Yep.
23:45I'm going to be okay.
23:46See you tomorrow, Miles.
23:57Oh, great.
24:03I would have remembered him at some point.
24:06I would have remembered him at some point.
24:07I would have remembered him at some point.
24:08I would have remembered him at some point.
24:09I would have remembered him at some point.
24:10I would have remembered him at some point.
24:11I would have remembered him at some point.
24:12I would have remembered him at some point.
24:13I would have remembered him at some point.
24:14I would have remembered him at some point.
24:15I would have remembered him at some point.
24:16I would have remembered him at some point.
24:17I would have remembered him at some point.
24:18I would have remembered him at some point.
24:19I would have remembered him at some point.
24:20I would have remembered him at some point.
24:21I would have remembered him at some point.
24:22I would have remembered him at some point.
24:23I would have remembered him at some point.
24:24I would have remembered him at some point.
24:25I would have remembered him at some point.