Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 25 One
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TVTranscript
00:00minutes to talk about the world health organization yes of course i'll hold okay you still there so
00:06what's it gonna cost me just to rent a pony i just wanted to give rides at my son's birthday party
00:11not run the third race at pimlico all right hold on yes he could see me at 9 30. one second i'll
00:20check are you still there is there an 8 a.m to new york 8 30 hang on i don't know about the helium
00:27balloons these are very tiny children somebody grabs a few strings too many and the next thing
00:32you know we're looking at a dot on the horizon all right hang on can he see me at 10. great
00:41ah i'll take the 8 30 flight we go with the helium have that pony there by four i'll bad mouth you
00:47to maria shriver 57 kennedy grandchildren think about it
00:50helen i want you to pull the file on the world health organization and this is a list of health
01:00ministers from india uganda the philippines and so on i want you to set up interviews with me for next
01:05week you know i'd really feel better if you wrote this down oh i don't have to you see i'm taking a
01:13course to improve my memory and when you say health ministers i associate the word health with hospital
01:19which is where you go when you have a broken bone a broken bone is put in a cast i was in
01:23the cast to bye bye birdie in high school birdies live in trees a tree is a plant a plant can flower
01:28and i have a flower right on my desk so all i have to do is look at the flower and i will remember
01:35that i was screwed out of the lead in my body by joanie goodman just because she put out i hated her
01:42well i seem to work like a charm and i associate the word char with lucky which is what you'll be
01:49if you make it to lunch buy a pencil behold the amazing juggling woman journalist by day mother by
01:56night for my next feat i will catch the 8 30 shuttle to new york next tuesday conduct my interviews at the
02:01u.n and be back in time to host the social event of the season how do i do it oh a party for avery's
02:09first birthday of course i'll come did you plan it out by yourself maybe i should have asked that
02:15first don't worry it's not going to be like some of my less successful parties in the past you see
02:21that little cowpoke there on the invitation kids love that kind of stuff just want to know what i'm
02:25doing amazing we're talking about kids and the phrase i know what i'm doing just came out of
02:30your mouth what's he going to say next i think this waiter deserves a bigger tip i will be at this
02:35party murph this is something i've got to see all right frank i know that few people thought my having
02:41a child would be a disaster pat robertson phyllis schlafly most of utah but both me and i have done it
02:49we have survived a year of late night feedings mysterious rashes
02:54and my son's inexplicable attraction to the agony set to music that is barry manilow
03:00we celebrate on tuesday well i reckon i'd be mighty pleased to attend there little lady
03:08see i'm rsvp get the cowpoke feed you get it okay okay that's a yes for corky frank and
03:16hop along silverberg jim what about you you know i've never been to a children's birthday party before
03:22i've never even had one as a matter of fact my father didn't like the idea of strangers using
03:26our bathrooms i guess for jim wouldn't miss it helen this is a guest list to my son's birthday party
03:35the invitations are on my desk and they should go out tomorrow right away miss black they have white
03:39a blue brown
03:46excuse me coming through watch your backs working mother excuse
03:54hi i'm on the one o'clock shuttle to washington hope you haven't already pre-boarded the mothers
03:59of large fuzzy animals it's a present for my son's birthday he's going to be one today it's a very big
04:04milestone your seat is confirmed as soon as the fog clears and the airport resumes operation we'll be
04:09boarding what the airport is closed due to fog no no no no no no we can't be fogged in i don't have
04:15time for it you see i'm working on a schedule here and i have to be home to you and 97 other people
04:21believe me if i could blow the fog away honey i would i'm sure you're having a tough day but let's
04:28not overreact i myself once flew in an old crop duster in a sandstorm just to interview more mark
04:34qaddafi and on top of that the pilot had a lazy eye so trust me a little fog is nothing to worry about
04:41you know what i just thought of follow me on this the entire airport is closed right no planes in the
04:48sky of any kind therefore one plane could take off without any chance of eating another plane one plane
04:57and since it was our idea it should be our plane who's with me on this you you look like the kind
05:06of guy who takes chances in life lives on the edge come on what a tiger that's two of us who else you
05:11want me to call security okay look i am not gonna stand around all day like these sheep too terrified
05:19to question your bureaucratic safety rules i don't need your wussy little airline i can rent a car and be
05:25home in under four hours hey come on it was my idea i said it's first
05:45now look avery before you say anything i know it looks like i don't have a gift but i have
05:50a special surprise planned for you a little later yeah well i don't know how to tell you this partner
05:56but it looks like you waited a mat too long to feed the cow
06:02don't even start with me this whole western theme was her idea now i wanted to go with the old masters
06:07i was even willing to combine the two but somehow i couldn't get past the image of mona lisa soaking
06:12her saddle sores in a big metal tub so where is the birthday mother in town picking fights with sodbusters
06:21why do i even bother she's hung up in new york and that's another thing there's already some
06:28guests here and i'm at a total loss as to what to do with them oh well since she's not here why
06:32don't you tell her that i stayed for four hours and had a wonderful time here this is a savings bomb
06:36oh jim don't be such a scaredy cat murphy will be here any minute in the meantime let's go meet some of
06:44avery's little friends
06:48i'm older
06:54they're a lot older than i expected
06:59where do you think i remember these people
07:00i'm guessing the international house of pancakes
07:08doesn't it seem a little weird elton oh it's hard to say all her friends seem weird to me
07:13of course you know i mean weird in a healthy positive i skip it
07:21i'm telling you this is weird even for one of murphy's parties it's a kid's birthday and there are
07:26no kids
07:29excuse me hello where are you what what are you still doing in new york
07:39what am i supposed to do until you get here
07:41yes i have the list i oh no i don't think anyone in this crowd is gonna want it
07:51okay no okay okay okay i'll do it just hurry up will you please hurry up
07:59um excuse me that was our hostess and she's running just a tad late but until she gets here
08:06there's still plenty to do does anyone know the hokey pokey
08:11oh wait i'll get that i'll get that there's 15 games on this this one of them's got to ring a
08:19bell with this crowd oh i hope so because i'm looking out that window right now and seeing one
08:25terrified pony
08:31is miss brown here i think there's been a terrible mistake oh the mother tongue how refreshing come
08:36on in thank you you see um there were two lists one for the party and one for the
08:41u.n interviews and i may have if i could just see miss brown red rover red rover
08:49red rover said jim this way now
09:03come on come on
09:17i need a bus ticket to washington fast yeah yeah everyone's in a hurry these days well you just
09:23missed the ben franklin what's the ben franklin it's part of our celebrate america campaign
09:29some genius upstairs decided to name all the buses cute huh like naming it ben franklin is gonna make
09:36it stink any less yeah right next bus paul revere now he trots out in 20 minutes arrives at 6 30 p.m
09:45no no no no that's too late who else have you got oh alexander hamilton yeah he'll get you there way
09:51before because oh no whoops no not today he won't al only runs on mondays wednesdays fridays and uh
09:59let me see today is tuesday it's tuesday right okay here we go you're gonna take betsy ross to
10:06princeton switch to john adams john adams to john quincy adams and i hear it gets a little tricky
10:14you're trying to break me aren't you you know i want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully
10:20i have spent the last two hours arguing with car rental clerks limousine services and amtrak
10:26representatives i am in no mood to stand around here and play name that patriot now there must be a way
10:32to get to washington that doesn't require four transfers on a powdered wig the express bus yes
10:38the express one ticket please it's sold out oh my god please i beg of you you're my last chance to
10:50get there this is my son's first birthday right now he's sitting at home in his party hat waiting for
10:56mommy to walk through the front door one ticket please you know when i see you on tv you always
11:04come across like such a hard-nosed but you're not you are obviously a very loving and sensitive
11:11person so you'll help me what are you deaf it's sold out give me a second warning
11:17ticket security and this one is a snake oh a snake real original jam that makes six snakes three
11:33earthworms and a dachshund with no legs a little imagination i'm a journalist not a circus clown
11:40nothing would matter with this crowd i've seen better audiences at funerals and these are um married
11:46snakes i can't believe she actually brought in hay what was the woman thinking why didn't she just
11:56invite me in and rub a stray cat in my face look at this we've been here for two hours and my surprise
12:02gift still hasn't shown up every time i try to do something like this it never works out in a little
12:08while they're going to be opening the presents and the whole room will think i've got nothing
12:12to be sitting here like an idiot while the word cheap is whispered in 30 different languages
12:19my people don't do well with hay that's why there are no jewish cowboy stars
12:26roy rogers john wayne clint eastwood all gentiles
12:31it's the same with the women barbara stanwick huge career in the saddle
12:35but i guarantee you'll never see barbara streisian in chaps with a whip in her hand
12:42excuse me excuse me coming through coming through hey there miles hey there frank hey there buddy
12:52looks like avery pulled in quite a haul you know i had a gift plan but it never showed up
12:58still singing that old song huh frankie do you think you know so much well know this phil
13:05i am not finished yet if you'll excuse me i'm going shopping frank fontana will not be humiliated again
13:13good luck wearing that hat
13:14oh there he is there's the birthday boy
13:23hi phil how you doing so how about this avery's first birthday
13:30interesting crowd
13:34oh i can't stand this eldon there's got to be some other activity on the list we can try
13:39well i suppose i could bring out that cow pinata dear lord are you mad if our hindu friends see us
13:46whacking a heifer with a stick this case
13:53yeah you take your little prince i'll get that you're in big trouble now that's why the police
14:00don't need to hold it down
14:11i'm i'm looking for avery brown's birthday party a little uh overdressed aren't you
14:17yeah i'm gonna be performing nearby later on but i promise frank fontana that i've stopped by here
14:22first oh you must be his big surprise yep yes i am so what are you a magician
14:32i'm i'm barry manilow uh-huh
14:38barry manilow the singer oh that's too bad i'll have to see what a magician can do with this crowd
14:44well look as long as you're here let's uh let's give it a shot all right uh fellas bring in the
14:50piano uh look i hope you got paid already because i only got about 20 bucks on me
15:06i tried to keep everyone here as long as i could
15:36fighting that pony inside was probably a tactical error
15:41i wanted to be here so much i tried so hard to get back
15:48i thought i had it licked when i signed up for those driving lessons in baltimore but halfway here
15:52the teacher wised up there's a piano in my house yeah well i never should have gone to new york
15:59i should have just cancelled the interview but oh no i had to play wonder woman and prove i could do it
16:04all well i can't do it all alden it's too hard i don't know any more now about balancing my life
16:11than i did a year ago it's avery who suffers for it okay hold on now i think that you're being a little
16:18too hard on yourself i mean look at this baby this is not a suffering kid now part of that's because
16:24he's whacked out on birthday cake but a big part of that is you i'm not saying that you're perfect
16:32and frankly you know when you read them goldilocks your mama bear and your baby bear voices sound
16:37suspiciously similar but you're coming along and you've really come a long way and i have to tell you
16:45that as far as this party goes he's not even gonna remember you weren't here maybe not but i will
16:55i missed it eldon the only time he'll turn one in his life and i missed his birthday party i missed his
17:04first bite of cake i missed him opening his presence what the heck is that stuff oh this is this is a
17:11kalimba it's a ancient african instrument it's got a very soothing tone this is the abacus it's an old
17:18computer and uh and of course this is ganesh the indian elephant god of wisdom and prosperity
17:27geez haven't these people ever heard of toys r us
17:31oh no i don't believe this to avery love uncle frank barry manilow this one's for you
17:40barry manilow because it's christmas barry manilow the complete collection with home video did he
17:46think this was funny actually there's a very amusing story attached to those well i don't want to hear it
17:54barry manilow showstoppers barry manilow live now there's a nightmare
17:59could have been worse you might have had to pay for them oh my god
18:09i'm lucy darn manilow oh my god
18:14ellen those murals in the study are really incredible would you consider doing an album
18:19cover an album cover there's an intriguing thought no now if you excuse me i have to
18:27clean up some plates i actually have to sweep up some plates i have no idea how that pony opened the
18:32dishwasher um about that nightmare comment i can explain you see i already have most of these so
18:40returning them would be a nightmare look frank already told me who the manilow fan is in this
18:45family and i gotta tell you avery's a terrific audience i can't believe that you came all this
18:51way just to sing to my kid it's just incredible i only wish i'd been here for it well you know i've
18:59got a couple of minutes uh what do you say i do something just for the two of you oh really you
19:04don't have to listen who knows you might even like it i'm very hard to resist well all right
19:17you're not going to play one of those really long ones are you keep it up and i will
19:33i am your child
19:40wherever you go
19:43you take me to
19:50whatever i know
19:54i learn from you
19:58whatever i do
20:02you taught me to do
20:06i am your child
20:13and i am your chance
20:22whatever will come
20:27will come from me
20:31tomorrow is one
20:35by winning me
20:37whatever i am
20:46you taught me to be
20:48i am your hope
20:50i am your chance
20:54i am your child
20:58i am your child
21:00whatever i am
21:12you taught me to be
21:14me to be
21:16me to be
21:18me to be
21:20me to be
21:21me to be
21:22me to be
21:24whatever i am
21:33me to be
21:38me to be
21:38me to be
21:40me to be
21:43I'm your child.
22:09Well, it wasn't that bad, was it?
22:11No, it wasn't.
22:15In fact, it was wonderful.
22:19Well, I guess I should be going.
22:21I'm performing at the White House, and if I'm late,
22:23the President might decide to open the show.
22:27You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to get an audience back
22:29once they've heard yackety-sax.
22:35Listen, I...
22:37We can't thank you enough for doing this.
22:39As you can hear, it meant a lot to Avery,
22:41and I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you what it meant to me.
22:45Well, he's a great kid.
22:47Enjoy him.
22:49I'm going to.
22:59Okay.
23:01Okay.
23:09Yeah.
23:11Just hang on one second.
23:13I'm going to call your Uncle Miles.
23:15Miles, hi, it's me.
23:25Listen, um, we have to have a talk.
23:29You know, this just isn't working out for me.
23:31Well, it means that, uh, I'm not as good at this juggling act as I thought I was.
23:39I think we ought to make some changes.
23:43I'm not sure what kind.
23:45Miles, your ears couldn't be bleeding.
23:47You wouldn't be able to hear me.
23:51Just calm down.
23:54All right.
23:55We'll talk tomorrow.
23:56Happy birthday, sweetheart.
24:08I love you.
24:10I love you.
24:40You get down for some fun.
24:43I love you.
24:43I love you.
24:45Right on e.
24:46Geoffy Brown is the Sartkovsky English.
24:47Yeah.